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Consciousness took it’s sweet time returning and Reigen was content to drift between that spidersilk line of sleep and awake despite the dull ache he could already feel rising up in his body. If he managed to nod off again he could just continue ignoring it like he was ignoring so much else in his everyday life, but it wasn’t to be. Sensation trickled back into his awareness like snowmelt over stone, cold and clear, first light nudging against his closed eyes, then the sound of birdsong, far too cheery for this time in the morning and he scrunched his face up against it all, burrowing deeper into his folded arms, the drag of wool worn soft over his skin and doing his level best to overlook the past due papers rustling under his wrinkled sleeves and the hard surface of the desk now pressed against his forehead.
“Mff…” If he could just stay asleep maybe next time he wouldn’t wake so tired. If he could just stay asleep maybe he could avoid all the things taking up precious space in his overactive mind, jumbling all the pieces up until unease settled heavy in the pit of his stomach. Clenching his hands into tight fists Reigen hugged his head, mouth pressed into a thin line and eyes shut tight against a day he just didn’t have the energy to face. Maybe he would close up and go home, call Serizwa and--
Abruptly, his whole world inverted, and he found his cheek smashed up against the smooth paint of the office ceiling, papers, office supplies and was that his favorite tea cup? floating lazily through the air encased in a soft turquoise glow.
“Well.” Reigen chuffed, flipping himself over and clinging to the idea of safety (definitely not scrabbling for purchase) he stared down at the carpet stained with years of spills and accidents. “This is new.”
Serizawa woke all at once, uncomfortable and ill at ease, unable to pinpoint exactly why but slightly sick to his stomach with it. He tossed, turned, tangled himself up in his sleep clothes, trying to figure out what was wrong and coming up short until.
An absence. A lack. Empty and unfamiliar. That’s what this was.
The prickling hum of his aura was gone, the buzz just under his skin that had been there most of his life was quiet and still. Not a trace of the energy usually thrumming through his blood to be found. Serizawa reached for it anyway, dipping into what used to be a deep well, and was rewarded with nothing.
His powers. They were.
A thrill of fear rocketed up his spine and made his hair stand on end, an intimate but foreign sense of helplessness paralyzing him between his sheets. What did this mean? What did this mean for him if he wasn’t psychic anymore? Because Reigen wouldn’t need him anymore. Without an actual esper, would Spirits and Such even be able to run? They’d have to close up shop. He would have to find a new job, a different job, one that was fit for normal people. Reigen would need a new job. It would mean that he wouldn’t see him anymore. That he couldn’t protect him anymore. Pulse quick and heart pounding out of his chest Serizawa clutched at the blankets, sweat prickling at his temples. This. This.
Hadn’t he once wished for this very thing?
Sudden and so overwhelming it knocked the breath from his lungs and what was perhaps most surprising was the sense of relief, bittersweet, that followed remembering. Before he could ponder further those implications the tinny jingle of his phone jolted him back to the present. Three or four rings passed before Serizawa recalled he would physically have to retrieve it and scrambled to answer before it went to voicemail.
“Ah, hello?”
“Hey, Serizawa.” Reigen sounded strange, voice pitched in a way that set off just a few alarm bells and cut through the remainder of Serizawa’s own short lived panic. “I’m not feeling well, just gonna stay in and catch up on some paperwork. You uh, should stay away, finish some homework, enjoy a day off, don’t wanna catch whatever this is.” A cough echoed through the speaker. “I’ll check in tomorrow!” Before he could respond that he was in real need of some guidance and he’d risk a cold for some help processing all of this, Reigen cut the connection between them. But despite the warning, Serizawa found himself tugging on his clothes and making for the train, focused inward and so caught up in his own insecurities he barely remembered the commute.
It had taken a hot minute to wrangle his cell phone from where it had been floating just out of his reach, but with calls made to all his employees he’d bought himself precious time to think his way out of this situation. Crossing his arms he closed his eyes and tucked his chin to his chest, trying to ignore the weightlessness making his stomach turn and the odd droning in the back of his mind ratcheting up in frequency every time he so much as thought about calling Serizawa back. Of course the esper would know how to deal with this, of course he would. He could help, talk Reigen through whatever this was and get his feet (truly) back on solid ground.
But that wouldn't be fair. He could handle this, no need to tear Serizawa away from the day off he'd given him. He didn't need to burden the man with his myriad issues, this would resolve soon and he'd have a good laugh. Just as soon as he figured out how to stop the floating.
Struggling had been fruitless and had succeeded in doing nothing but make him sweat and press him bodily to the ceiling. Panic bad. He didn't have the attention span right now for any sort of meditation, though the calmer he was the lower he got. Just never low enough. He crawled across the surface until he reached the desk hovering midway, feeling better once he had a solid, if not wholly stable, platform to cling to.
There was something familiar about the way this all felt, this simmering, coiling firestorm alive and twisting underneath just waiting for any lapse in concentration to branch out and consume. It was reminiscent of Mob's power, but without any sort of direction or clear goal like saving a bunch of children he couldn't get his own abilities to cooperate. Couldn't think clearly enough to take back control and make them listen but that was no surprise. He’d been anxious for months, unsettled and unproductive both since his student's confession and his own outpouring of truths he wasn't used to telling. Things were good, more than good, excellent. Amazing.
Thanks in no small part to Serizawa.
When he was focused on helping his newest employee Reigen was at ease, enjoying his presence and the idea that he could look at Serizawa as a friend. He would never divulge the secret longing coiled up in his chest and wanting but it didn't stop him from spending more time with him, gathering moments and precious seconds like a dragon hoarding treasure, but he was already taking so much it wouldn't be right to ask for anything more. He was working so hard, at his job, at school, at relearning how to navigate the outside world on his own, liberated finally from the shackles of dependance and fear. He didn't need some useless pretender encroaching on his newfound freedom. Reigen’s pulse began to race at the thought of taking advantage of him any more than he already was. Nervous and fluttery his heart was doing its level best to beat through his ribs and he winced at the sound of things thumping against the ceiling at these useless thoughts. His distractible mind wasn't doing him any favors.
“Reigen?” The man in question looked up when he spoke, auburn hair lifting delicately above his surprised face as he met his eyes with apprehension, that carefully crafted mask slipping for just a split second, too fast for Serizawa to interpret what he saw there, and he shut the door behind him quietly.
“Ah, Serizawa. Didn’t I tell you to stay home today?” Varied objects, what amounted to almost everything in the office not bolted down, rose higher and picked up velocity. “Ha, ah, this is embarrassing. Just, uh.” He cleared his throat nervously. “An off day, you understand.” Seated cross legged on the desk (which was twirling gently through the air), jacket abandoned and floating feet to his left with his shirt sleeves rolled up to his elbows, he had his chin pillowed in his palms. Reigen looked okay, aside from the obvious predicament he’d gotten himself into and Serizawa batted aside a few paperclips, tinted with a glimmer of aquamarine, before they could collide with his face.
“You slept here.”
“I.” Reigen had to twist on the desk, arm wobbling uncertainly as his whole platform bobbed at his movement like a boat on a lake while he rotated to maintain eye contact with Serizawa. “I, yeah, worked late. It’s fine.” Hands waving, he continued, babbling nigh incoherently. “Unrelated. Completely unrelated to what’s happening, right now, this minute--” He spun another half turn, slipped completely off the desk without the support of his hands and rolled lazily through the air to bump softly against the ceiling. “I’m doing this on purpose.” A few small objects crashed against the wall, their broken pieces whirling away from the epicenter of each small explosion and Reigen hid behind shaking fingers. “I’m just. It’s an off day.” And Serizawa was positive he’d never heard his boss this unsure, this quiet. “Can you, can you please go home?” The tremor in his voice was unmistakable and the serene pirouette each office supply in the room was engaged in picked up sudden speed, Reigen’s hair standing almost on end, blue-green sparks contrasted among his auburn bangs even as he curled inward to obscure his expression and Serizawa made a quiet retreat.
The walk to the coffee shop was mostly uneventful, the few people on the street he ran across experimenting with what seemed to be newfound abilities and Serizawa deduced that, much like Reigen’s office, psychic powers had been inverted. It would explain why the esper found himself so suddenly bereft and why his boss, well. It really was no secret (to any of his employees Serizawa suspected) that on a normal day he contained absolutely zero supernatural talent. And despite that Reigen continued to give freely of his time and effort to both Shigeo and himself, often writing dangerous checks his mouth couldn’t always cash.
But this reminded Serizawa of his experiences with his own powers. That feeling of being out of control terrifying and overwhelming and while Reigen’s face hadn’t belied any fear, it didn’t mean he wasn’t feeling any, if the way things had careened into the walls was any indication. Seemingly capable in any and all situations, or at least really good at faking his way through it, Serizawa could only imagine what was happening behind Reigen’s buttoned up exterior. That he was in turmoil was no question, but why certainly was. Bills? Probably not, he always seemed to have a plan for those. Income? Maybe, but business had been good and they’d been taking on more cases.
Spending more time together.
And he wanted more of his undivided attention and it was selfish especially considering that now of all times he should be focused on setting the office back to rights and getting Reigen safely to the floor.
Lost in his reflecting, Serizawa almost walked right past the place, stopping abruptly and spinning on his heel. In line waiting for his order to be completed he couldn’t stop thinking about how he wanted to help Reigen anyway he could. He was now in a position to give back instead of take and the thought that he could still be useful set butterflies free in his chest. Accepting his purchases, Serizawa made for the office, steps light, even when it seemed like not much had changed. The room was still on end, Reigen still at the center of it all, upside down and back heaving beneath the thin, translucent skin of cotton he wore with the slow breaths he was forcing himself to take, and the esper let a pastry lift out of his hand, nudging it towards the cause of this. It thumped gently against his head and Serizawa did not laugh at the look of surprise plastered over his face as he rotated to face him, snatching the proffered breakfast item before it could float out of his reach with murmured thanks. The sugar would do him good; he was far too pale, hemorrhaging energy at a pace he most likely couldn’t sustain and probably suffering slightly from shock. Serizawa settled to the floor outside the sphere of Reigen’s considerable influence to enjoy his own, keeping a surreptitious eye on the items beginning to sink lower in the room. At a contented (or long suffering?) sigh he risked another look, smiling at the sight of him laying back, limbs sprawled, buoyed as if on an ocean swell and just a handful of feet above the carpet.
“Coffee?”
“Mm. That would be nice.” The food and Serizawa’s innocuous presence had grounded him, quieted the thoughts making it impossible for him to rest, and he was so tired. Coffee would be good. He sat himself up, the strange resistance under his hand more solid; maybe he was starting to get the hang of this, and accepted the insulated paper cup.
“Should be cool enough.” Sweet and kind, Serizawa had thought of everything and it was comforting. As he sipped, the hot drink suffused the rest of him with warmth. He hadn’t noticed how cold he’d been and god, he could do with a smoke, settling instead for tapping his fingers against the sides.
“This is decaf.” Reigen laughed lightly at Serizawa’s raised eyebrow.
“You want to add caffeine to,” he gestured broadly, taking another sip of his own drink. “This?”
“No, I suppose not.” Closing his eyes he took another long swallow, enjoying the silence and for once feeling no need to fill it. This was okay. Nice even, to feel so comfortable in another’s company. But then, he always felt comfortable with Serizawa. Reigen peeked at the man sitting against the door, unassuming look on his face as he nursed his own cup.
“How do you feel?”
Honestly, Reigen didn’t want to think about it. That only made things float...more. Set a queasiness in his stomach that was too hard to shake and he was beginning to suspect it had something (everything) to do with Serizawa. He felt vulnerable in ways he’d never experienced before, and it was too late before he realized what had happened. What he’d let happen. When he’d begun to notice the warmth of his hands steadying him on a job, the curve of his mouth when he offered up a comforting smile after too close a call. How he looked forward to trimming his curly hair, to running his fingers through it under the pretext of admiring his work and lingering just a second longer than he used to.
There were other things too; like how Serizawa stilled under Reigen’s touch when he was feeling nervous about talking to a client. That soft look he sometimes caught out of the corner of his eye on slow days. How his heart felt transformed behind the bars of his ribcage, a bird, delicate, doing what it could to escape its too-small prison when Serizawa arrived to work in the morning despite having seen him not twelve hours prior. Somehow he’d given away parts of himself to this man, entrusted him with secrets he would never have shared before.
All but one.
And he could pretend that he knew already. That it wasn’t a subject they needed to talk about because of course he already knew. But how could they have any sort of relationship when all Reigen did was lie to him? Carrying on this pointless charade and ruining any chance they might have had by digger a deeper hole each day? The man was so careful with him and the only thing Reigen was careful about was the garden of lies he tended everyday without fail.
With a surprised yelp he found himself thrown to the ceiling again, Serizawa already jumping to his feet, worry plain in every taut line of his body.
“Reigen? What’s wrong?” What wasn’t? He couldn’t breathe, he was suffocating and tugged at his tie fruitlessly before giving up and yanking his hair instead, hoping against hope that the bright pain would cut through the sudden, overwhelming thought taking up every available space in his mind. I’m not good enough. And he wasn’t. Not for Serizawa, never for him. Never for someone who deserved so much more and here he was using him up because he couldn’t bring himself to just be honest. “Reigen!” Sound distorted, warbling, strange in the vacuum his new powers had caused and, ever the coward, he lost himself in it because it was easier to surrender than to face the truth.
The hurricane around them increased in intensity and Serizawa leapt to avoid a potted plant, tumbling into the eye of the storm to look up from hands and knees at Reigen, curled around himself, shirt tails and tie snapping in a harsh psychic wind, holding his head for dear life and shaking apart despite it. Serizawa wanted to help him, wanted to be his ballast, like Reigen had been for him so many times before.
“Reigen, you need to relax.” When had the ceilings become so high? The pressure was different in here, crushing him on all sides, into the floor, and Serizawa could feel it in his ears. “Reigen!” Impossibly, he became even smaller, trying to shut everything out.
“I can’t do this.” The admission, so quiet compared to the roar, was deafening and Serizawa knit his brow.
“You can. You can do this, I know you can.” He struggled to his knees, reaching upwards. “Take my hand, Reigen.”
It was Loud. Devouring him whole and hungry until there was so little of him left. Rising up around him like a tide, a barrier of impenetrable glass and burning, blazing light and he barely registered Serizawa’s voice cutting through the maelstrom. He sounded worried, upset, frantic and Reigen wanted to reassure him but it was just too much. It took everything he had to whisper his denial and it was swallowed up in the noise and chaos, torn out of him like all the rest of it, like the air from his smoldering paper lungs. There was liquid fire in the rivers and tributaries of his veins, threatening to tear through those thin confines and char everything around him to ash and smoke. Filled to bursting, a star gone supernova, Reigen burned brightly, hot and fast and when Serizawa spoke again, his reassurance was an anchor, his demand a relief, and Reigen told himself he could try for him, unfolding above him and extending one quivering hand as far as he felt he could without coming completely undone.
“Just a little bit more, that's it.” Their fingers touched and a calm swept over Reigen, warm and gentle like summer rain, and all the static in his mind settled in an instant, the tempest appeased for the moment. There was room to breathe with the fire doused and everything cool and calm and he inhaled, felt his skin stretch tight over his ribs as if it didn't fit him anymore.
“Serizawa?” Breathless and trembling, still suspended above the carpet, Reigen flinched when his desk crashed to the floor, joints splintering under an impact that reverberating through their teeth.
“Look at me.” He obeyed and Reigen’s hot grip tightened around his hand. For as long as he'd known him, those fingers had never been warm, testament to the hot wash of power singing through his bones, and Serizawa saw his throat move as he swallowed, attempting to smile, so quickly coming back under control after flying so completely apart. Just one more thing to admire.
“Was cheap anyway.”
With his feet finally on solid ground Reigen dusted himself off with an exaggerated air, wrapping theatrics around himself like a bastion while he pulled the tattered vestiges of himself back together. Surveying the office and all its ruined furniture, he sighed, massaging his temples against a throbbing headache. This was going to cost a fortune. Immeasurably tired, almost woozy with it, Reigen lifted his jacket from amongst the rubble, examined it for torn seams, and slipped into it, sloped shoulders sagging under its slight weight. Serizawa came to stand beside him, keeping a measured, if small, distance that somehow stung between them.
“I should get you home, so you can rest.” He spoke soft, as if he knew. And Reigen blinked hard, clearing his vision, of course he knew. Hadn’t he helped the esper through this very thing before?
“Don’t. Uh. My apartment.” Was a mess Serizawa didn’t deserve to bear witness to. Old takeout and instant meal packaging piling up on every available surface because he couldn’t be bothered to take care of himself lately. When was the last time he’d changed the sheets? Done laundry? Dishes? Reigen’s feet lifted off the ground again and he startled, striking out to grab the one stable thing in the room and Serizawa was kind enough to tug him back to earth, keeping one broad hand on his bicep, tethered.
Serizawa frowned at Reigen’s inelegant choice of words, barely half a thought tumbling past his lips before he was headed skyward again. Scrutinizing his pallid features he decided he couldn't be left alone, not today, not until they had a handle on whatever this was. He needed sleep and from the look of him would probably lay down right here if given half the chance.
“You can come home with me.” The confusion was plain as day and heartbreaking. “I’ve esper-proofed most of it anyway. It’s probably for the best.” Clinical, safe. An explanation that would appeal to Reigen’s sensibilities, and Serizawa waited for the offer to process.
“Not until the streets are clear.” Well at least it wasn’t ‘no.’ Rubbing his eyes with the back of one hand, Reigen toed aside a cracked teacup. “Should start cleaning up.” He made a token effort, too wrung out to do much more than fill a small trash can a third of the way with broken pieces before admitting defeat. It was late anyway, long past nightfall by now and the trains would probably be empty enough. Serizawa tugged the bucket out of his grip, answered that unsure gaze with his own promise.
“I won’t let you hurt anyone.”
Hands in his lap, Reigen sat quiet in the seat next to him, eyes half-lidded and staring at the dingy floor of the train all but dozing, and Serizawa kept a careful palm on him at all times, had guided him through the deserted streets with it on his back as he weaved on feet made of lead. They stumbled into the apartment and Serizawa felt him relax under his touch, tension melting away.
“I’ll get you something to sleep in.” When he returned, Reigen was staring at the screen of his phone with a dazed, far away expression, and Serizawa lifted it gently away. Missed messages, from Tome and Mob both, nothing too drastic, and he thumbed them both a quick apology before pushing Reigen lightly towards the bathroom to change, taking the opportunity to slip into his own pajamas. Minutes passed and anything loose began to hover just a few inches, tinted aqua and shimmering in the dim light of the apartment until Reigen stepped back through the door, oversized shirt fluttering around his hips, exposing the pale skin of his stomach above the sweatpants, and making him look smaller than he actually was. Eyes rimmed in red and face damp from washing, Reigen pulled the collar of his borrowed tee back onto his exposed shoulder. Serizawa smiled fondly when it just slipped down the other side. “Hey, want to eat something?” The man standing in front of him was the very picture of exhaustion and while the sugar might have held him over, the real cure would be good sleep. Reigen shook his head, taking a deep, shuddery breath and rubbing his eyes again with the heel of his hand, caught off guard by a jaw-cracking yawn. “Okay, okay,” The esper chuckled, pleased when the room settled around them.
Serizawa lead him to the small bedroom and Reigen backpedaled, adrenaline flooding his veins, dizzying him with it, making his extremities tingle and itch.
“This is--”
“Fine, it’s completely fine. You need to sleep.” A couple knick knacks on the dresser shifted, but Reigen was all but tapped out and the most they did was topple to the side.
“I, this…” the fear was unmistakable, there was no energy in him left for masks, and Serizawa felt him shaking under his hands when he wrapped them around his shoulders, deciding to just go for it.
“What’s got you so upset?” This close and with the ceiling rushing towards his face he didn’t have time to brace himself, cringing when he felt his elbow impact something soft and yielding, the expulsion of Reigen’s breath so close it ruffled his curls and he heard the man wheezing from the shot to his gut.
“Please...please don’t ask me that…” One arm wrapped around his middle, Reigen had the other thrown out, fingers splayed on the paint and Serizawa felt sweat prickling at his hairline. This was worse than he thought.
“Sure, Reigen.” They wavered, dropping a foot or so abruptly, and it was clear the man didn’t have anything left to keep them there even upset as he was. Paperwhite and clammy, he gasped for air, gulping down great lungfulls that weren't doing him any good. He held a hand to his temple, lashes fluttering, and Serizawa reached for him, wrapping him up loosely, close enough to feel the struggle it was to breathe, the tremble in his bones, so thin and light they could be hollow, a bird’s bones, storing all that misplaced energy eating him from the inside out. Despite how taxed he was, Reigen’s eyes were wide now, filling with tears as his aura began to spread out of his control and Serizawa pulled him closer, cupping the back of his head with his palm and pressing his hot face into the crook of his neck. “It’s alright. It really, really is.” They sank as if through sand, sluggish and slow, salt-damp spreading over Serizawa’s skin as Reigen cried, too far past the brink for anything more than a few gasping sobs and steady, quiet tears.
It was clear that while Reigen normally had a grasp on hiding what was happening on the inside of him, he wasn't actively dealing with whatever was bothering him, instead tamping it down and doing what he could to ignore it--until whatever was going on today forced it all to the surface. Serizawa admired Reigen for his cool and collected demeanor, the skillful way he handled clients and maneuvered through tricky situations with little more than a quick wit and bombastic gestures. Strong and confident and sure he guided his employees with a kind hand, magnanimous and good though the esper was too convinced the man didn’t see himself that way. For all that he put on a show, he was all too self-deprecating. All too willing to throw himself away and Serizawa tried hard not to remember a pair of worn but well kept loafers sitting pristine amongst the rubble of a city destroyed.
Serizawa ran a hand down his back to gentle him, murmuring soft encouragement and soothing assurances into his ear and Reigen let it fill him up until his mind was blissfully empty of everything but that voice. When they landed, Reigen’s legs, like jelly and somewhat numb, collapsed under him and it was only Serizawa’s quick reflexes that saved him from crumpling in a heap, so absolutely exhausted he ached with it, cried from it, tears nonstop and slow. He couldn’t remember ever needing to lay down this badly before and he thought he might just pass out when without warning he was being lowered to a soft surface, the futon, too undone to put up even a token protest. Weariness hung over him like a pall, a curtain so heavy that it was hard to catch his breath and he felt starved for oxygen, drowning deep in the places where sun never reached. There was something flickering out of the corner of his eye and the ceiling was wavering so much he couldn’t bear to look anymore and instead tucked himself into Serizawa’s warmth, so relieved when strong arms tightened around him. Pressing his forehead into his broad chest with the last of what he had, Reigen let go.
It was deep, untouchable. The kind of sleep that bordered on unconsciousness, and Serizawa knew it had the potential to last depending on how much of himself Reigen had unintentionally used up. A parade could have marched through the apartment and Reigen would be none the wiser. He passed a hand over the back of his head, stroking his hair lightly just once and rested his chin atop his crown, content to drift on the current of his soft, even breath until dream claimed him too.
The alarm woke Serizawa too soon, and he fumbled for his phone, dismayed when it appeared his powers were still absent, and checked on his slumbering companion. He needn’t have worried, Reigen was still fathoms under, hadn’t moved all night and Serizawa had the pins and needles in his arm to prove it. He felt almost bad tipping him off and over to untangle himself from the pliant, octopus-like hold. Reclining in bed he tapped out a quick message to Tome, explaining that they would be closing up for a few days but everything was fine (and that she should be careful experimenting with her newfound abilities, don’t try to deny it, I know you’ve got them) before rearranging Reigen’s limbs into a more comfortable position from the sprawl he’d spilled into, promising him he’d come back and check on him after breakfast even though he couldn’t hear it. Serizawa divided his time between preparing soup in the kitchen and doing homework in bed, Reigen pressed close and warm and safe beneath the veil of rest.
It was late evening when Serizawa met a pair of honey-brown eyes, clouded and barely aware, already rolling back, and he got an arm under his shoulder blades to lever him upright before he was carried off again.
“Whoa, hang on, sip on this. That’s it.” The mug of soup was on the cool side now but still warm; Reigen waking up at all today had never been a sure thing, but he’d eaten hardly anything the day before and food would help in the long run. He didn’t manage much more than half, but some was better than none and Serizawa would take what he could get. With a soft hum Reigen’s head listed to the side, a small weight against Serizawa’s shoulder and he set the work he’d been doing aside with the the leftovers and settled him down under the covers, stroking him softly and thumbing away a few stray tears he doubted the man even knew he was crying. Tucking him close like the first night Serizawa retired early, content to lose himself in that soft sweetness, to watch his face slack in repose and want for more after this was all over. Reigen’s sleep wasn't as complete that night and several times Serizawa had to soothe him when he jerked awake in the middle of a dream, levitating the loose change he’d tipped out of his pockets the night before, each coin enveloped in that turquoise penumbra and Serizawa couldn't help but feel his own aura would compliment it well.
When Reigen woke the room was bathed in a soft apricot glow, diffuse through the unfamiliar curtains and it took him several long attenuated moments spent slipping between to remember that he'd gone home with Serizawa. That the man had promised to make sure he wouldn't hurt anyone on the way. He'd been so full, pressure and power consuming him whole from the inside out, and now he was so empty, a void, used up, nothing and nobody. Errant flecks and bits of sinew contained in a tattered skin. His bones felt loose in his body, connected by nothing more than fraying strings and he wondered absently what color they might be, if the blood-red light behind his eyes was spread through the rest of him. He felt flayed alive, all open channels and raw wounds and aching from top to toes. Wanting to cry and finding he was too empty even for that, throat stopped up with cotton and oh so sore.
“Reigen?” Miserably, he turned his head, feeling like he'd been recovering from an awful bout of the flu, and Serizawa took pity on him, helping him up, leading him to the washroom on his string-and-bone legs before offering a cool drink of something light and sweet and encouraging him to sleep some more by laying him down and stroking his head and whispering those reassurances Reigen liked so much because he knew without a doubt he could trust this man. Laying his ear against Serizawa’s chest he drifted on the beat of his heart buried below muscle and bone. Let it gentle the fire still whispering sweet destructive promises just below the surface of his skin. It rose in one last defiant crescendo, cresting over the jut of his ribs to break like a wave on his dwindling shores, leaving him breathless but able to rest.
“I’m not psychic.” He blurted this the next time he woke, indignant when Serizawa laughed because at this very moment he's the very thing he’d always pretended to be. But his skin is ill-fitting with room enough only for half-truths and lies and he wanted to shed it like a snake, sink instead into Serizawa’s cool green balm and lose himself to him. Liquid and calm like a winding river, each oxbow an expected surprise, familiarity and mystery all in one. He longed to let himself unravel the rest of the way because holding himself together seemed almost beyond him in this moment.
“I know. I think I’ve always known.” He sat up, blankets pooling around his waist and helped Reigen do the same, still shaky and unsteady and doing his best to keep that powerful thrum contained with all the truths he wanted to tell. “But thank you.” Serizawa flashed him a tiny smile, eyes darting away and back again, shy under his dark lashes. “For telling me.”
They ate dinner together on the couch, watching the news talk about the chaotic last few days (thankfully no huge accidents or incidents, this could have all been so much worse) with Serizawa plying Reigen with sweet chrysanthemum tea.
“You slept a long time.” By way of explanation and Reigen nodded, drinking down another glass, before asking Serizawa why he hadn't used his powers to make him stop in the office. “Ah, they're gone.” Reigen choked. “Or they were! They're coming back, slowly. Like I’m sure yours are beginning to fade.”
“I’m sorry,” and his expression was pained, he'd been so selfish. “I didn't think to ask before.”
“I can forgive you for that.” It was teasing but the chopsticks lifting off the table belied his anxiousness and Serizawa placed a palm over his shoulder. “You were preoccupied. It's okay.” And Reigen blushed, yawning into his tea in an attempt to hide it.
“M’still tired…”
“Then you should sleep.” Reigen shook his head, petulant and moody with weariness.
“Been sleeping.” But he remembered Mob's outbursts and how the sleep that would follow had been terrifying the first couple of times because he wasn't able to be roused. Had he done that? Something tugged at him, small and insistent like the surf trying to run back out to the ocean, and he glanced at Serizawa.
“See? Coming back.” He waggled his fingers and the green between them was unmistakable if weak and Reigen let it pull him over, his own surging to meet it like it knew something he didn't, until he was settled with his head in Serizawa’s lap, a broad hand smoothing over his hair, messy from bed.
“Mm.”
Time passed and Reigen’s powers began to equalize, roiling under his skin but only threatening to flare up when he tried to deny what he was really feeling. If he was honest about it, he should have handled it better considering all the time he’d spent around emotionally compromised espers. They talked in between naps; gentle, simple, no pressure, Serizawa’s accompanying touch easing any and all confessions from him (and really, it wasn’t fair, but Reigen had never felt lighter). He found he was most genuine when caught up between sleep and awake, floating on the steady, anchoring current and lulled into complacency by Serizawa’s forthright and candid acknowledgments. He’d become more confident, willing to ask for what he wanted, and it had been such a relief these last few days for Reigen to give himself over to someone who knew. Knew this, knew him, knew all about every shortcoming. For being shut away all those years, Serizawa was disarmingly perceptive.
It was almost comical, the way Serizawa tried to keep them anchored to the floor with his powers barely returned, but Reigen still had the upper hand and when he’d admitted so sincerely that he felt the same way they’d ended up in the air, crushed up against the ceiling just like before.
“I don’t think they like hearing that.” Trembling, Reigen whispered it into the scant space between their faces, clinging to Serizawa (denial) because he was afraid the man would fall, afraid that he would let him fall.
“I think they like hearing it very much.” Reigen scoffed, tucking his hotly blushing face into his chest and letting it ground him, trying to negotiate his way back to the ground, closing his eyes and murmuring in disbelief.
“How do you know this is what you really want?” The breath was knocked out of them both and the plaster groaned above them, showering the hardwood below with the dust falling like snow. “Sorry.” Serizawa held him tightly, tucking him close and shushing him softly.
“I’ve got you.” And Reigen felt giddy because despite whose powers were holding them both up, he believed him. “And to answer your question,” he brushed his cheek against his auburn hair. “I spent too long wanting and not doing anything about it, letting things happen to me instead of taking control for myself.” Reigen felt him swallow. “Instead of choosing for myself.” Gently, he tipped his head back, holding him there with just his eyes, soft and radiant like sunlight on the surface of the sea. “I let fear get the better of me. And you’ve never been afraid.” They settled to the couch, safe and sound. “Ah, see?”
“What are you doing?” Serizawa sounded amused but didn’t look behind him.
“I’m just stirring the soup like you showed me.” Reigen was wrapped up in the blanket and leaning against Serizawa’s back, arms folded up and crushed between them, peeking over his shoulder and concentrating on moving the chopsticks. While steadily dwindling, the contact kept everything at bay, gave Reigen time to think without the gnawing, hungry demands his powers whispered seductively beneath the surface, fueled by his own want, and Serizawa kept him distracted by teaching him little tricks, and making him good things to eat, and holding him at night, and--
“Reigen?” Blinking he came back to himself upside down; his feet were off the floor, hovering over his head, the only thing keeping him tethered to the ground were Serizawa’s hands on his shoulders.
“Focus on the spoon.”
“I don't want to bend all your spoons, Serizawa.”
“You have to bend at last one, it's like.” The esper screwed up his face searching for an analogy and falling short, settling on “Psychic initiation.” He laughed and the sound was musical. “Trust me, and bend the spoon.”
“...I’m keeping this in the office as proof.”
“You’re cheating.”
“What?” Feigning hurt, Reigen gestured theatrically to himself, “I would never.” Serizawa raised an eyebrow and flicked his gaze towards the faintly glowing game piece.
“I can feel it, when you use them.”
“Was just--” Reigen’s aura dissipated with his histrionics, replaced with curiosity. “I can’t feel yours.”
“I’ve had a lot of practice hiding mine.” Reigen cleared his throat, feeling like they were feeling suddenly like they were talking about more than one thing and Serizawa shifted minutely closer on the couch. “I can show you,” his demure smile rendered Reigen completely defenseless, “if you’d like.”
It was foreign and yet distinctly Serizawa, the bright and beautiful efflorescence of seafoam blossoming like the pulse of a wave from the heart of him on it’s next beat. He gripped his shirt over that fluttering center, breathless and limp against cushions he didn’t remember being so close, vision going dark at the edges and barely registering the palms cupping his jaw.
“Too much?” Wryly and Serizawa pulled back, brushing a hand over his forehead and framing his face, examining the sliver of chestnut ringing his brimming pupils. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair.” He thumbed over a flushed cheekbone, watched tenuous composure creep back into him and Serizawa slipped a hand beneath the hem of his tee to steal it away again, feeling muscles tense and quiver beneath his palm.
“You’re h’having fun…” Panting, his eyes rolled back as Serizawa ran the pads of his hot fingers down the ivory column of his neck, skittering over the cliffs and canyons of his collarbones, inky green glittering in their wake, turquoise rising to meet it like smoke over water.
“I want to kiss you.”
There's fire in his blood only this time it's Serizawa that put it there, filling his heart full to bursting with his incandescence, glass-cool aura spilling and pooling over his skin like rain and slipping into every open space, every dip and swell and valley and doing nothing to douse the prairie fire burning its way through his bones. Reigen had never experienced another person this way before; it was intimate, he was made vulnerable because there was no way to hide, his very core being explored by light and love and he could feel it, that familiar pressure, but calm and patient, waiting for his invitation and he welcomed Serizawa with his own soul.
“Can I?” Serizawa whispered it into his skin like a prayer, unmoving, so careful with him, guiding his aura, caging his borrowed power in the softest way, hedging it in gently when it made to flare like the sun.
“A’ah…” And Reigen felt tongue-tied, the silver melted away by the heat between them, and he shuddered as Serizawa waited, fingers frozen under his borrowed shirt in the hollows between his ribs and he knows he's coming undone because he can't breathe with his hands on him like this.
“Shh…” And the blaze retreats back to where it belongs and doesn't. “Take a breath. No rush.” Reigen listens, how the tides have turned these past few days, and the ocean that is Serizawa is deep and cool and he wants so badly to be pulled under. There are fingers in his hair now and they move gently, shot through with aquamarine sparks that danced between the digits. “Another for me.” Soft and sweet and so kind and overwhelmed Reigen arched his back off the couch, into the palm now splayed over his stomach.
“Y’yes.” It's little more than a sigh, “please.” The question seemingly so long ago he half-worried Serizawa forgot he even asked. And he should have known better because his mouth is on his, swallowing Reigen’s keening cry of his own name, his first name, as it tumbles past his lips and he yearns for more, more, more, wants to take, take, take and he knows Serizawa feels the same because his aura is a part of him, they're twined so closely together they might never be apart again.
So lost in each other, caught up in this first incredible kiss, neither noticed until they collided gently with the ceiling, powers resonating equally together and buoyed by that harmony they laughed softly, held each other tightly, and dove back into the sea.