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Mouse had never been to the Adler Planetarium, he hadn’t been aware that the place existed until Charlie had parked up outside. Now that he was here...
Mouse couldn’t think of a time he had been happier. His brilliant blue eyes were fixated on the pinpricks of stars that shone in the night time sky above them. He’d lost track of how long the two had been laying here on the red and white picnic blanket that had been handed to them on the way into the exhibition. His fingers were still entwined with Charlie’s, he could feel her soothing presence next to him as his thumb traced along the inside of her hand.
He’d never felt as at peace as he did in this moment. He had missed this, missed that sensation of awe and wonder that he had always gotten when he looked up at the sky and saw the stars. The city was always too bright, too dazzling but back in Afghanistan he remembered the time he spent soaking up the beauty of it all. It made him realise that there was something bigger out there, that there was more to life than existing inside that tiny sphere that surrounded you and your life. It made him feel connected again, like there were ebbs of the person he was and the person he was becoming all flowing in the same direction.
“You gave me the stars.” he said in a hushed tone, his gaze transfixed to the constellations above him.
“You once told me they helped you feel grounded.” Charlie said softly, recounting a conversation from a few months past. “I wanted you to feel like that again, to feel like there’s more...”
He remembered that conversation. He rarely talked about Afghanistan with anyone outside of Jay and his therapist so when he spoke to her...
It had come from a place of trust, it had been the first time he had put his faith in anybody else outside of that tiny circle. She’d held it like a gift in her hands and given him something beautiful in return. He couldn’t say how much he treasured this, he couldn’t describe how wonderful it felt to be in the presence of someone who genuinely wanted to make his world a better place.
The words he wanted to say where there on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t bring himself to speak them. Too much, too soon, he reasoned. He couldn’t tell her that he had fallen in love with her, that he had been falling ever since the day the two of them had met. It had taken him a long time to come to terms with the fact he was someone she might want to be with, that he worthy of love at all.
“Thank you.” he whispered pouring every single ounce of the emotion that he was feeling into that phrase as he spoke. “Thank you so much.”
Charlie wasn’t surprised to see how neat and orderly Mouse’s apartment was. She’d seen the same regimented organisation from her father when he had come home from his own war, everything was in it’s rightful place, put away into little boxes. It was a mind set, she understood.
Tidy place, tidy mind. It helped to compartmentalize, her father had told her, helped to sort things out in your head.
She lingered by the the wooden bookcase, her fingertip running over the spines of each novel as she surveyed the titles. To her surprise there were several fantasy novels lining the lower shelves, Game of Thrones, David Eddings...
Her eyes flickered to the shelf above, it consisted mostly of Sci-Fi. Authors like Iain Banks made an appearance, she stopped when she reached Aldous Huxley ‘s ‘Brave New World’, plucking it it’s space amongst the others of it’s kind. She’d read it before, a couple of years ago, it was an excellent companion piece to George Orwell’s 1984. The copy she held in her hand was well worn, like it had been read over and over again, she flicked through it, pausing when she reached a Polaroid photograph that had been jammed between the pages as a bookmark she presumed.
It was a picture of Mouse and Jay, their arms slung over each other’s shoulders as they sat side by side. They were dressed in the usual military attire, fatigues and matching shirts, dog tags glinting in the sun. Mouse was laughing, his eyes were crinkled up at the corners, his head thrown back clearly amused by whatever Jay was saying. His hair was shorter in these pictures, longer than a buzz cut but still in keeping with the military term of style. Her thumb smoothed over his handsome features, her lips twitching up at the expression on his handsome features. He looked so young here, so carefree. The horrors of the world, of that war they hadn’t touched him yet.
“That’s where that got to.” Mouse uttered as he stepped up beside her a cup of decaffeinated tea in either hand.
“It’s a good picture.” Charlie told him, replacing the book back in it’s normal place before setting the photograph down upon the shelf where Mouse could retrieve it later.
“I use them as book marks sometimes.” he revealed handing her the cup of tea before guiding her towards the comfortable navy blue couch.
“I remember, you think bending the corners of the page is sacrilege.” she commented as she took a seat upon the couch, sighing in delight as she lounged back against the plush cushions.
Mouse lingered for a moment, his blue eyes fixed on Charlie watching as she sipped from the mug in her hands. She looked like she belonged here, on his sofa, in his apartment. He knew he’d made the right decision inviting her back. Despite the connotations, there was no pressure, she was happy to sit and talk if that’s what he wanted.
What he wanted...
He’d given a lot of thought to that over the past few days. He wanted Charlie there was no doubt in his mind about that but it was more than just physical, the way he felt for her...
There was no way he could vocalise that right now. He could get lost in this woman, lose himself in her completely, Mouse wanted that more than anything. He wanted to give her every single part of himself, the good and the bad. She would take it all, she had made that clear tonight when she had kissed him on the steps back at the precinct, when she’d had taken him to the planetarium and taken him to see the stars. He could have everything he ever wanted but he was scared to take it, to let himself be with someone in that way.
Charlie knew him, they had been working on that over the past year but knowing something and actually seeing it were two very different things. Sleeping next to him, experiencing those nightmares first hand, he didn’t know if he could inflict that on someone else.
Her delicate hand reached out, slipping into his as if it had always belonged there. That anxiety he was feeling, it seemed to evaporate whenever she touched him, all he could see was the beautiful, serene face staring up at him under those dark eyelashes of hers. He lowered himself onto the couch, placing his cup of tea upon the sturdy wooden coffee table.
“I’m scared.” he found himself telling her as he looked into those gorgeous brown eyes of hers.
“Talk to me.” she requested, propping her head up with her free hand upon the sofa. “Tell me what’s running though your mind.”
“You...” he told her, his fingertips smoothing a stray strand of copper hair back behind her ear. His brilliant blue gaze fixated on her those pretty features of hers, the way her mouth quirked up into a smile at his words. “... I don’t understand how you can be so perfect for me.”
“We just fit.” she told him, looking down at their entwined fingers. “There’s something about being with you. It feels like...” she trailed off as she searched for the word unable to select the one that encompassed everything she felt when she was around this amazing man.
“Home.” Mouse supplied quietly.
“Yes.” Charlie murmured, leaning in just that little bit closer. His eyes closed as he inhaled her sweet floral scent, her pert pink lips brushing the corner of his mouth as she spoke. “You feel like home.”