Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

That Calvin barely passes high school doesn’t surprise anyone. Some of the more maleficent one would even say it was a miracle that he finished at all. Not that they say it a lot, at least not after Suzie socks one of them and gives him a black eye. But Calvin passes, barely, and then shocks everybody, except Suzie since it’s totally her fault, by being accepted to the MIT. Suzie makes him take an aptitude test by holding Hobbes hostage and threatening to do something unspeakable to him.

"I have a pink ribbon and if you don't do your best to ace this test I will tie it around his neck and call him miss kitty."

So Calvin takes the test and for once does his best and proves that he has an IQ of 158. Even Suzie has been surprised by that, but she covers it by giving Hobbes a can of tuna and Calvin a pizza.

Calvin finds that he likes the MIT, the pranks are great and carrying a stuffed tiger around isn't the strangest thing that has happened. And while he can't decide what his main subject should be he at least has the chance to learn a lot. Perhaps not things he's supposed to learn, but he’s always found that people doesn't appreciate his knowledge. Susie doesn’t go to MIT, but keeps in touch through mail, texts and phone calls. And while it mostly is to make him do his homework, eat right and to stop him from going to protest it’s comforting to know she still cared.

"No Calvin, I don't think that protesting against Wednesdays is a good way to spend the whole day."

"But Suzie, if we didn't have Wednesdays the weekend would be here so much faster, it's just a filler day."

Calvin resolves the matter by doing absolutely no schoolwork on Wednesdays and instead spends it doing anything else. This is how he ends up at an interview for an internship at Stark Industries. He blames Hobbes for that. It’s him who sees all the people sitting around looking nervous and clutching papers. Both Calvin and Hobbes thought its actors doing auditions and since it’s one thing they hasn’t tried doing on a Wednesday yet they just sits down and waits their turn. To find out it is for an internship is quite a shock. But more surprising is that Tony Stark himself is there, helping to conduct the interviews or scare the hopefully with his awesomeness.

"I'm not scared of your awesomeness," is the first thing Calvin tells him. "I thought, or rather Hobbes and I thought it was an acting job. Not that we can act, well Hobbes says he can but don't believe him."

"Who's Hobbes?" One of the other sitting there asks him.

Calvin points at Hobbes who currently napping on his bag, since it wasn’t acting jobs he aren’t interested anymore. Calvin is familiar with the looks he gets from the man and the woman sitting there but Tony gives him a wide grin.

"I like him, what's your name kid? And you should be grateful that you get to bask in my awesomeness."

"Calvin."

"So, Calvin, if you’re not here to look for a job why are you here?"

"It's Wednesday. I've decided that no schoolwork will be done on Wednesdays. I tried to rally a protest against the day, but Suzie stopped me so now I’m boycotting it instead."

"You’re boycotting Wednesday," Stark says amused. "I wonder if I can do that to?"

The man glares at Calvin and clears his throat.

"Mr.... Calvin, can you please tell us why you would want to work at Stark Industries."

"I like the robot. And working there would probably help me finally build the freeze ray gun I need when I take over the world and proclaimed myself the emperor of the world. Well except Africa and India since that's for Hobbes and whatever part Suzie would want. And then I will use the corporate to help me build a spaceship so I can go to new worlds."

"Kid, screw the internship do you want a job? I can get a contract written in like five minutes for you. And of course your tiger should have his own contract, what does he want to be paid in, meat?"

"He likes tuna."

"Excellent! Jarvis two contracts for my new friends! I like people with aspirations."

"Mr. Stark! You can't just hire someone like that!"

"My company. I don't care who you give the internship to, but you can't tell me who to hire or not to hire."

This is how Calvin drops out of MIT and gets a job at Stark Industries. A job, and one and a half cubicle for him and Hobbes. And a yearly supply of high grade tuna for as long as he works there.

"I knew it would be a good idea," Hobbes tells him smugly as he curls up under his UV-lamp at work.

"You thought it was for a movie or something," Calvin grumbles but steps away when the tiger shows his claws.

No one can say for certain what Calvin’s job is. So he tries a little of everything. He does a little marketing, or rather draws a picture and writes a slogan that somehow becomes a hit. Some of his more outlandish ideas turn out to be not quite as outlandish that you could have thought and makes the market. He's strange and probably a little crazy, but its Stark Industries and most people are strange or slightly crazy. It comes from hiring so many geniuses as they do. He works the hours he wants, which ends up being mostly nights since Hobbes is nocturnal. But so are other people that work there. And while he's the only one carrying around a stuffed tiger and talking to it, there are other with quirks. One brilliant mechanic only writes in poems, preferable haikus, one in the accounting worships the flying spaghetti monster and holds service once a month for all who wants to attend. So Calvin both fit in and not. He fits in because he's as strange and brilliant as the rest of them and doesn't since he hasn't have a clear role. Not that he's the only one not fitting in.

Most people said that you had to be crazy to work at Stark Industries, or at least if you worked at the main office.

Stark once gets the brilliant idea of seeing if his minions, or employees, could make money for them self. He therefore issues all his employers at the main office a thousand dollars and let them buy whatever stocks they want. They’re going be able to keep whatever they earn so everyone is happy to try. Calvin does well, or rather Hobbes does. Hobbes does so good that the accounting branch tries to lure him to their side. Well, at least before they finds out that he’s a stuffed tiger. To be honest they tries to lure Hobbes over even after, luckily Pepper put a stop to it.

Calvin isn't entirely certain what to think of Virginia Pepper Potts at first. She reminds him of Suzie in that she's scarily efficient and he's not certain if that’s a good thing or not. Hobbes likes her, but then again she rubs his stomach so he's biased. Calvin is sure she's talked to Suzie about how to get him to do things when he doesn’t' want to, but can't prove it because his psychic powers refuses to work on either of them.

He is present on one, and no more, board meeting and then goes to hide under his desk.

"They're zorgs! They tried to suck my brain out through my nose!" He tells Stark over the phone.

"I know that feeling, I get it every time I have a meeting with congress," Starks agrees and then makes sure Calvin never needs to attend such meeting again.

Calvin doesn't care and stays under his desk with Hobbes as guard until Suzie comes and rescues him. Because zorgs got nothing on Suzie. The day after when he comes back to work he finds a futon under his desk. After a week he's managed to smuggle in enough pillows and blankets to build a fort if he wants to and then lives under his desk for a couple of days while creating a videogame about brain sucking aliens and dinosaurs. When Pepper finally finds them she makes them go home and accepts the tablet were he’s written the code for the game.

"How did you know I was there? The fort is impregnable."

"Hobbes told me," she pets the tiger sitting on the table.

"Traitor!"

Hobbes just yawns and stretches.

"What can I say, she gives great stomach rubs."

"I can't believe you sold me out for a rub, I can rub your stomach if you want to."

No one can really say when Tony starts to accept things from Calvin’s and Hobbes hands, but they quickly came to be part of the minority that can hand things to the genius. Calvin also doesn't have any trouble drinking the things that Dummy gives him, not even after the second time he gets food poisoning from it. After that Jarvis becomes stricter of the things that go in the smoothies.

Tony once, and only once, tries to invite Calvin to one of his parties.

"What would I do there?" Calvin asks confused.

"I don't know, drink, dance, and find someone to get laid with?"

"Alcohol tastes funny and makes me..." Calvin hesitates for a moment, "makes things like zorgs and stuff more, more. So, I don't drink. Last time I tried it I ended up with attack frogs."

"Wait, is that why I had like thirty frogs for a while?"

"It was epic, or would have been if I’ve managed to train them. It would have been 'forward my amphibian army'."

"Huh, well ok, so no drink then. What about sex?"

"My cootie filter malfunctioned when I grew up. Instead of disintegrate like it should it left parts behind."

Stark looks at him while he figures that out.

"Ok, but if girls isn't your thing there's always boys, you know."

At Calvin’s blank look he sighs.

"Perhaps not. So, no sex at all?" Not that it's anything wrong with being asexual or whatever, I'm just trying to understand."

"I've never had sex," Calvin says clearly uncomfortable.

"OK, what about petting or snuggling or I don't know kissing? And petting your tiger doesn't count."

"Well, Suzie thought that I should at least try kissing once so she volunteered. She thought it would be better with someone I knew and liked."

"And?" Tony is almost vibrating in his seat with curiosity. The only reason Calvin even thinks about answering is because he can tell that the other is just curious nothing else.

"It was soft, slightly moist and tasted like raspberry."

The older man snorts in amusement.

"That's what you got out of it? What about the rest?"

"Hugs are nice and Hobbes is an excellent cuddler, but has a habit of steeling the blanket." He gives the tiger a halfhearted glare but Hobbes just smirks in return before going back to his nap.

"I got a great idea," Tony proclaims. "We should kiss. You can't just kiss a girl and then say no to the whole sex thing. I mean you like me, right? Right, of course you do, so we should try and kiss and see how you like that. And if you ever want to try for more I'm always willing to show you. So, what do you say? I promise I won’t try and slip you any tongue."

Calvin thinks for a moment before nodding. He does like Tony, Tony is fun, smart and accepted him just the way he is. He even talked to Hobbes sometimes. So Calvin leans forward and pressed a soft kiss against the other's mouth. Tony holds still, not taking command and just let the younger man do what he wants. It isn't a very long kiss and afterwards Tony gives Calvin a surprisingly soft smile.

"So, what's the verdict?"

"It scratched, and tastes like blueberries."

Tony’s laughter fills the room.

Chapter Text

Not long after that Tony disappears and is missing for three months. Calvin spends the time working on his freeze gun and together with Hobbes making an algorithm for trying to find Tony. He doesn't have many friends and he refuses to let one of them just disappear like that. It's Calvin, through Pepper, that points Rhodey in the right direction. Calvin, as the rest of the world, hears about it when Tony is found but the only reason he's aware of the press conference is because Hobbes is looking and shouts that he must come and look.

"I am Iron Man."

Calvin immediately sends an email requesting a suit for himself and Hobbes as the bonus the next time he gets a bonus. And then sends an email from Hobbes about the same thing.

It's three days later when he sees Tony in person. Or rather Tony comes to his room and crawls under his desk without a word. Calvin knows exactly how it feels to want to hide in a pillow fort and just drapes a blanket over the tired genius. Hobbes says he will keep watch and curls up against the sleeping man. This is why Tony wakes up snuggling a stuffed tiger and one of his employees under a desk the next morning. He's just grateful that neither of the other two seems to think it strange or embarrassing or any other feeling.

"I almost made a freeze ray gun," is the first thing Calvin says when he wakes.

"Really? Almost how?"

"It shoots fake snow instead freezing people. I can show you the prototype later if you want."

"And what else are you working on?" Since Calvin always was working on more than one thing.

"I'm trying to convince the money holders that they should let me try and breed small dinosaurs. My web comic has been getting more hits recently, and I’m working on my snail gun."

"Snail gun? It's not shooting snails, no wait it's slime right? Of course I’m right. You are going g to make the slime hard enough to trap whatever your' trying to shoot right? You can't just slime them, that's bad form."

They end up spending the rest of the day in the lab trying to create the best kind of slime.

It is around this time that SHIELD starts to take interest in Iron Man, Tony Stark and those around him. Stark Industries hires only the brightest minds and SHIELD is more than willing to try and lure them away from there and hire them instead. What they haven’t counted on is the loyalty most of the employees feels for their job. Especially those in the main office, which has mostly been hired by Tony himself and likes working in a place that doesn't care for their quirks.

Agent Coulson would never confess that he feels frustrated by SHIELD's unsuccessful attempt to steal some of Starks employees from the main office. But he can agree that he feels curious by it and decides to go there himself to see if he can understand what the problem is. Black Widow has successfully infiltrated the company but has so far not been able to go the main office and is busy in one of the branches. So since she’s already busy he takes Hawkeye with him instead. Getting into the building is easy, you just walk through the front door. It’s getting further inside that can prove a problem. Coulson takes the easiest way he can think of and just walks over to the information desk that’s in the lobby.

"My name is Phil Coulson and this is my associate Clint Barton. We're with SHIELD, and I was hoping you could let us visit the different divisions here." He gives her a bland smile as he waits, well aware that either or both Tony and Pepper will get the information.

It doesn't take many minutes before they both are given guest cards. Phil sighs when he sees that it just says Agent on his card and Clint snorts in amusement when he sees that his card has the name Cupid on it. Coulson takes a mental note that he must talk to Stark, again, about hacking into SHIELD. But that would have to come later, now he has some investigations to do.

"Miss Potts wants me to inform you that it would be best if you didn't try and talk to the employers here, they can be somewhat excited in their reactions of meeting new people. Feel free to contact her if you have any questions."

She gives them a polite smile before opening the door for them. For the next hour or so Coulson and his shadow walks around and tries to get a feel for the people working there. They talks to some and just observed others. That is until they come upon a young man with blond shaggy hair. The person takes one look at them, yells something about flesh eating aliens and that they would never take him alive, and then sprinted away from them. Of course the two agents follow, not in a run as the other but fast enough to see him enter a room. Clint wondered for a moment why nobody seems concern or even surprised by all this as he followed Phil to the room. When they arrive they are greeted by a stuffed tiger that smacks, or rather almost smacks, into Coulson’s face. It’s just his reflexes that make it possible for him to catch the toy. Phil looks at the stuffed tiger in bemusement.

"Hobbes, duck!"

The young man retrieves some kind of weapon and points it at them, firing before they can react. Phil drops the toy and is reaching for his gun when he suddenly is covered in fake snow. Sticky fake snow that smells like gingerbread. Behind him Clint is sniggering as he manages to duck out of he way and only has some white on one of his arm.

"I fucking love Stark Industries," Clint proclaims and totally ignores the look sent his way.

"Calvin!" Pepper says with an aggrieved voice and the young man guiltily drops his weapon on the floor.

"I thought you gave me the prototype," Stark says as he also arrives and takes in the scene.

"I did, this is .2, and I’ve added smell. Hobbes thought it would be a good idea." Calvin goes over and retrieves his friend, totally ignoring the danger he's in for coming close to Coulson.

"You can't go around shooting visitors with your experimental weapons, we've talked about this," Peppers sighs, but can't help smiling at him.

"He's an alien invader out for my body!" Calvin points accusingly at Coulson.

Everybody stops as their minds goes to strange places. It's Tony that reacts first and dramatically clutches the arc reactor as he tries to look mortified.

"Agent! And here I thought I was the only one you wanted. I'm absolutely devastated by this!" He gleefully proclaims.

Phil twitches an aborted move to get his Taser. He's pretty sure that the insane blond man has more up his sleeve if he would feel threatened and doesn't want to find out what. Meanwhile Tony has picked up the strange weapon and is running his finger over it, humming to himself.

"Calvin, do you have any proof that Phil is after your body?" Pepper asks, ignoring the sniggering from both Tony and Clint.

"Yes," Coulson watches as the young man seems to listen to something before nodding and going over to his desk and pulling out a paper airplane. He gives the plane to Pepper and Tony is immediately there to look over her shoulder.

"This is a recruitment mail from SHIELD, it even has a contract in it," Pepper furrows her brows as she reads. "It's actually quite a good offer, but I can't say I’m happy to know that SHIELD is trying to lure our employees to them."

"Ha, like they could succeed," Tony gloats. "Calvin, my favorite, my employee of the month, my snuggle bunny, why don't you tell Agent and Cupid why you would never work for them?"

"There's no tuna."

"Is that a code or an insinuation for something?" Clint asks.

"What?" Calvin gives him a blank stare as Tony sniggers. "No, there's nothing in the contract about tuna for Hobbes. And when I asked they said they didn't put tuna in contract. And they refused to believe that Wednesdays shouldn't exist, so we decided we didn't want to work at SHIELD. Though it had been a good steppingstone for my plan to take over the world. I could have android minions if I agreed."

"Just because they’re wearing suits doesn’t make them androids. It's a travesty I know, but I’m pretty sure Agent wasn't grown in a lab." Tony starts looking through the papers that's littering the desk and the snags a tablet and quickly looks at the information there. Calvin looks warily at the two agents for a moment, but then can't help to go over to the other genius to see what’s he's doing. "Huh, interesting," Tony murmurs and gives Calvin a distracted smile.

"It's brilliant," Calvin corrects him and scoots closer to point out something. "Or it will be when I’m done."

"Pepper, Pepper, Pepp, look at this! Calvin has a beautiful sexy mind." Calvin blushes to Tony's delight. "No, seriously, your mind totally hot."

He throws an arm around the younger man’s shoulders and winks at him. Calvin just shoves Hobbes in his face and ignores the spluttering. Meanwhile Pepper is looking through the tablet and gives a pleased hum. Phil is thinking rather dark thoughts about Starks and their problems of keeping it in their pants, he had hoped that Tony was professional enough to keep from sleeping with his employee. But it seems he's mistaken, since the annoying man can't keep his hands of the young man. Clint is amused, it seems like everybody is insane at Stark Industries. He can clearly see that it's nothing sexual going on between Stark and Calvin, but it’s surprising to see Stark so friendly with someone. At least someone not Pepper.

"Soap bubbles?" Pepper asks with an amused voice.

"Yes!" Calvin brightens and tugs n Tony's arm. "Come, I'll show you in my secret lab."

Clint turned to his partner and mouths 'his secret lab' in obviously glee. Phil suppresses the urge to sigh and follows behind the other four. This isn’t what he'd expected when he came to investigate, but he is professional enough to see it through. It doesn't take long before they come to a door with a big note on it proclaiming 'Calvin's secret lab!' Another smaller note is next to it and written in a different handwriting it says 'and Hobbes'. Calvin thrusts open the unlocked door and enters, closely followed by the others. He immediately puts on a white lab coat and takes Hobbes from Tony so he can put safely glasses and ear protection on the tiger. While he does this the two agents are inspecting the so called lab. It seems to be a cross between a mechanic workshop and a chemistry lab. Calvin pours something in an empty coffee mug and then turns back to the spectators with a wide grin.

"Tada!" He holds the mug up.

"Very nice, now can we see how it looks?" Pepper asks him.

"Oh, sure," Calvin quickly blows a couple of soap bubbles and to the two agents surprise the bubble is clearly blue. "I have green too," he says and frowns. "I haven't got yellow to work yet and red is sometimes wrong, but blue and green works. And I'm gonna fix it so you can mix them together later when the colors are working correctly."

"We can start selling the two colors you have working, as long as the documentation is correct and there's no dangerous chemicals present," Pepper tells him.

"No, we’re going to wait until I've managed to get all four colors working," Calvin crosses his arms.

"Well, if you're sure. I just want you to know that the different options are," Pepper says with a smile.

"This is so unfair," Tony mutters with a pout. "You never let me off like that."

"That, Mr. Stark, is because if I did you would never get anything done."

Tony just grabs Hobbes and throws him at Calvin, who goes down with a crash. It takes a couple of minutes, but eventually Hobbes seems to be the winner as he comes out on top. Clint isn't certain what to think about the strange fight. From time to time it seems like Calvin is fighting something larger than a stuffed tiger, and unless Hobbes is heavier than he looks there's no way he could have taken the young man down so fast.

"Are all your employees like this?" Phil finally asks.

"Agent, let's just say that those at the main office are special people. Which is why you won't be able to lure them away from here, they know that they won't be as appreciated elsewhere."

"Ha! I knew it, you need to be crazy to work here," Clint says with a grin.

Phil sends a look towards the archer, that he ignores.

"Yes, it seems that we have wasted time to try and do something that will not happen. I'll be sure to report this back."

Tony sends him a suspicious look while Pepper just looks at him serene.

"Agent there's no way I'm letting you have any of my most trusted minions. If you try and steal one of them I’ll let Hobbes loose on you and the rest of SHIELD. Well, except Cupid over there since he seems to have a sense of humor."

Phil gives the genius an unimpressed look.

"Yes, threatening me with a stuffed tiger is very intimidating." He turns to look at Calvin, who lies panting on the floor after the wrestling match. "Come agent Barton, we should return to headquarters."

Chapter Text

When Tony sees the lines growling longer on his chest and realizes that he's most likely going to die in less than a year he makes Pepper CEO gives a suit to his best friend, or trick him into taking one, and makes Calvin head of his own department with Hobbes as his second in command. Not that much changes for Calvin, he gets a raise a slightly bigger office and lab and three minions. Well, three interns that he immediately name his minions. Pepper makes him sign a contract where he promises not to use them as test subjects. That makes Calvin sulk for almost a week and Tony laugh when he hears about it.

Calvin isn't there on the opening of the Expo, to many people in one place. But he sees it on the TV, or at least until the transmission is cut. Luckily two of his minions are there and they film most of it so he can see it later. He calls Tony the next day and yells at him for trying to kill himself when he's already dying. It takes almost ten minutes before Tony can say something and he immediately asks how Calvin had known when he hadn't told anybody. Calvin tells him that Hobbes had said he smelled differently, sick the last time he was by. But that the tiger had said that Tony would figure it out before it was too late, so he hadn’t been worried.

When Tony comes by later in the day Calvin shoves a colander on his head and tells him to thank the flying spaghetti monster for his recovery. He also snaps a picture of Tony and posts it on the Stark Industries forum before the other can stop him. What follows is a spectacular fight between them that ends up with both of them covered in paint and water. Four levels are also covered in it, together with a number of Stark Industries employees, ten computers, two wending machines, three potted plants and a coffeemaker. Tony takes Calvin and Hobbes with him back to his place and they spend the night eating pizza and watching movies. Pepper comes by, takes one look at them and turns around yelling to Tony that she'll be back in the morning.

When Tony starts planning and building Stark tower Calvin takes one look at the plans and demands a lair.

"A lair? Why the hell do you want a lair in my tower for?"

"Well, where else would I have it? My labs there and my minions, it’s not like I can have it anywhere else."

Tony gives him that look people give him when he says something they can’t understand. Calvin hates that look, and even more so when it’s from one of his friends. But then the other breaks out in a huge smile and throws his arms around the blonds shoulders.

"You're right, you should have a lair. This is going to be great, I’m going to build the best lair in history."

That night Calvin calls Suzie with the news.

"What do you mean he's building you a lair, no never mind of course he's building you a lair in his tower. So does this mean that step one of your plan of taking over the world is complete?"

"Yep, I have minions and soon a lair," he tries to do an evil overlord laugh but can't manage it.

"Well, that's good." Suzie tells him amused. "As long as you get him to do paperwork that proves the lair is yours you should be fine, just send them to me first so I can look over them."

"Sure, and how goes the work of taking over the drones and becoming their queen?"

"Calvin! Lawyers aren't drones! But it goes well; I’m getting more and more important clients so I should be getting my promotion within three years. It all goes according to my plans."

"Good. I'll tell Pepper to send the papers to you next time I see her."

"Which could be a month from now, no I’ll send her an email myself tomorrow. So don't worry about it."

"Worries are for mere mortals, I don't feel worry."

"Uhu, sure you don't. Look I need to go, I have to prepare for tomorrow, but I talk to you soon."

 

The day of the alien invasion starts just like any other day on Stark Industries and continued so until Jarvis sends out an alarm that had most people scrambling for covers in the panic rooms that exists in the lowest floor. Calvin on the other hand arms himself with everything he can think of and carry and goes outside. Hobbes secure in his backpack. Amazingly his slime weapon, or slug gun as he decided to call it, works rather well against the aliens. It seems to short circuit them when hit and they are left twitching captured in slime. Calvin feels rather proud of himself, even if some of the aliens are hit with arrows before he can get to them. But when the portal opens big enough to release the big alien whale turtle thing he’s transfixed.

"By the great A'Tuin," he breaths as it sails over him and is then squished by the Hulk.

He finally decides to take covers but continued to watch the fight. Calvin sees Iron Man enter the portal that then begins to close. Sees him coming falling out of it in the last minute and the way the Hulk captures him. Well, Tony seemed to be in good hands at least, he thinks before taking out his phone and summoning his five minions. Three of them were new while he had two left from his first batch. One of the originals had quit after an accident with a squid. It takes a few minutes for him to convince them to come out and help him with gathering weapons. There’s no way he’s going to let this chance of examining alien technologies go to vast.

He sends a message to Suzie to let her know he‘s alright after Hobbes reminds him. Then he spends the next couple of hours looting the dead aliens of their weapons and everything else they has that looks interesting.

 

The next morning when the Avengers finally managed to get out of their beds in the guestrooms at Stark towers they gathers in the common room. Only to find Tony lying in the couch asleep, with his head on a blond young man’s lap. The blond man is petting the genius hair as he flipped though the different channels on the TV. He is also wearing pajamas with fluffy slippers. On Tony’s back sits a stuffed tiger with a tuna can. While most if the Avengers stops, unsure how to process this, Clint brakes out in a wide grin and flopped down on the other side if the young man.

"Calvin, Hobbes, didn't think I’ll see you here," he puts his arm around Calvin’s shoulder and tries to grab the remote.

"It's Wednesday," Calvin tells him. "Besides it's not like I can go home, the roads are blocked and apparently half the walls missing along with my TV."

"Ah, yes, Wednesday. You know, I’ve read you contract, and Hobbes, you got some nice benefits in there."

"Tony's great," Calvin mumbles shifting a little when said person burrows closer in his sleep. "He built me a lair, my minions are there sleeping or something since they couldn’t go home either."

He reaches out and recues the tuna when it’s about to tip over from Tony's movement. Hobbes falls over and Clint sends the stuffed tiger a wary look, after all he's been through it’s not too hard to imagine that the tiger is as alive as Calvin seems to think.

"Clint, introduce us," Natasha orders when it becomes apparent that he's forgotten that the rest of them is there.

"Oh, sorry. Everyone this is Calvin and Hobbes. Calvin and Hobbes this is first the lovely but deadly Natasha, Steve Rogers or Captain America and last Bruce Banner the Hulk. Our mighty thunder god Thor is keeping his insane brother company at the moment."

"Oh, I saw the Hulk capture Tony when he fell from the sky. Tell the Hulk nice catch," Calvin says to Bruce with a smile. "And I’ve read your articles about gamma radiation, you know before the army when crazy and tried to kill you. Amazing work. Do you think that you would be able to turn my minions into real minions, like those in despicable me? Because that would be awesome. I haven't managed to convince Tony to build me minions yet, and I’m not really good with AI's. I tried once, but then it possessed my computer and Suzie made me promise to never do that again. There were priests and everything, holy waters works really well on computers."

"Why are you wearing pajamas?" Steve finally asks when it becomes apparent that no one else is going to.

"It's Wednesday," Calvin says again, this time slowly as he's talking to a child.

Clint's snigger wakes Tony, who strikes out with an arm smacking the archer in the chest. Tony manages to turn around, so he's on his back, without disrupting Hobbes. When the archer continues to snigger he grabs the tiger and hits the archer with it. It's only the glare Calvin send him that stops Clint from retaliating.

"Cfee," Tony mumbles tiredly and waives his hand.

"Certainty sir."

The Avengers jump at the voice before realizing its Jarvis.

"You never told me you knew Bruce Banner," Calvin says accusingly to the man in his lap. "That's not fair, you should share. I should take him to my lair when I go back, he should meet my minions and then we could make plans."

"Calvin, sweet cheek, there's no way I’m letting Bruce become a mad scientist with you, he's my science bro. He's getting his own lab, you can visit him there or send one of your minions to infiltrate for you if you’re busy. Now, I need coffee and lots of it."

Tony starts to get up from the sofa and almost rolls of it landing on the floor. Its only Calvin’s and Clint’s quick reaction that saves him. Instead he manages to stand up, and after giving Calvin’s hair a pet, walks over to the kitchen area and more important the coffee machine. He finish one cup and has almost drained the second when his brain wakes up enough to really comprehend that there are others in the room with him.

"Oh, you're here," he says sounding vaguely confused as the takes in the rest of the Avengers. "Honey cup, did you know that I had a bunch of attractive people standing in the room?"

Calvin looks over the backrest and smiles at his friend.

"Don't worry, you're still the prettiest of them all."

"Of course I am," Tony agrees as he finishes his second cup. "But shouldn't you told them to sit or something, isn't that the polite thing to do?"

"You have to ask Pepper about that." He tilts his head as if listening to something. "Hobbes says a competent person makes his own seat."

"Hobbes says a lot of things," Tony tells him. "That doesn't mean he's always right. Now my fellow Avengers, breakfast? Is it breakfast time, do you even eat breakfast. I mean I don't do solids I the morning, but I know others do. Calvin, have you had breakfast yet?"

"Yeah, I'm good. I stole your peanut butter."

"Of course you did, you always do. Did you have anything else or did you eat it directly from the jar?"

"Nothing can stand in the way of peanut butter!"

"Well, anyway the rest of you are probably hungry. I'm sure there’s some restaurant open that we can order from, because I don't think I've any food here."

"There's pasta."

Tony sighs.

"Of course there is. You do know that there's no spaghetti monster flying through space, right?"

"You can never be too careful. One day there can be pasta flying everywhere, so you should be prepared."

"Pasta is always flying everywhere when you cook," Tony tells him with a smirk as he comes back to the couth.

He about to jump over the seatback when he remembers the rest of them and instead goes around to sit down. Or rather lay down again with his head in the others lap. He does pull out a tablet so he can work while Calvin goes back to petting his hair and watching TV.

"I thought you were dating Miss Potts," Steve says confused.

"I am," Tony says absentminded as he writes something down on the tablet. "I'm only using Calvin for his body."

"And I'm only using you for your TV and all the delicious thing you have in your kitchen. Oh Myth busters!" Calvin grabs Tony’s tablet and throws it away, ignoring the outraged sound the older man makes.

Bruce starts to snicker quietly and goes to sit down in the empty armchair. He finds the two strangely adorable together.

"Does Miss Potts know you're seeing this person?" Steve says disapprovingly.

"Pepper likes me, she feeds me pizza."

"She only does that because she promised Suzie to look after you, and she knows that you otherwise would live of candy."

Natasha has been observing them and now comes closer. But she immediately stops when she notices the growing tension in Calvin as she nears him. She subtly takes a step back and changes her persona to a more neutral one instead if the slightly predatory she had earlier. She knows she done the right thing when Tony sends her a thankful look before going back to watching the TV. This time Calvin doesn't react negatively when she slides down besides Clint. He just gives her a cautiously look before snatching the tiger from Clint and putting it on Tony again.

"So, Calvin what do you do?" Bruce asks when the advertisement break starts.

"Oh, yeah, that's right. I saw you yesterday, you took out a few of those aliens with one of your wacky weapon," Clint exclaims.

"The slug gun. It's finally ready and working correctly."

"You know that you're not supposed to take them outside."

"I know no such thing. Besides how else am I gonna defend myself from alien invasions?"

Tony just snorts at this but lets it drop for now.

"Why don't you tell Legolas about the new paragraph in your contract, I’m pretty sure he doesn't know about that yet."

Calvin looks at Clint, who nods his head. Meanwhile Steve has decided to sit down, since he doesn't understand the situation or the relationship between Tony and the younger man. It seems best to observe for a while until it starts making sense or at least becomes a little clearer.

"I'm not allowed squids," Calvin tells Clint.

"Squids? You're not allowed squids? And it's in your contract?"

Calvin squirms.

"There was an.... incident. It made one of my minions leave. I made a slight mistake in my calculations."

Clint starts grinning wider and wider and is soon sniggering.

"It was a squid gun wasn't it? Please tell me you have whatever happens on film."

"Oh, yeah. I'm also forbidden to watch despicable me more than once a month for the rest of the year."

Now Bruce is softly laughing and even Natasha is smiling faintly.

"Calvin is my insane genius," Tony declares as he sits up while carefully making sure that Hobbes doesn't fall on the floor.

"Sweet talker," Calvin responds with a grin.

"Squid gun?" Steve asks.

"It's a gun that shoots squids. Or it would be if I was allowed to work on it."

"Why would you want to shoot squids at people?"

Calvin sends him a wide eye look, clearly horrified that he must ask that.

"It's from a movie, capsicle. An animated movie to be precise. We should watch it. Can we watch it or have you already seen it this month?"

"We can see it in two week," Calvin pouts over this.

"Good. In two weeks we'll have a movie night, everybody must come! There will be popcorn, candy and pizza."

"And bananas."

"And bananas," he agrees.

"Sir, Mr. Odinson is preparing to take his brother back home, perhaps it would be prudent to meet with him before they leave."

"That's true, wouldn't want to let Rudolf go home without a goodbye."

The Avengers and Calvin takes the elevator down to where Thor and his brother have spent the night. Loki is in chains and has a muzzle on to prevent him from doing magic. Somehow he still looks regal as he stands next to his blond counterpart. While Thor is expressing his everlasting friendship Loki looks on with contempt. He looks around at the mortals that have helped his brother bringing him down and suppresses a sneer. Fools every one of them. His eyes widens when he takes in an unknown person, dressed in what appeared to be sleepwear.

It's only Clint who notices Loki’s reaction to Calvin, or perhaps Hobbes. The widening of eyes and the way he takes a small step back. He wishes he knows what caused that reaction, but there's no way to ask and Thor seems unaware that something might be strange. Clint narrows his eyes when Loki’s gaze falls at him, but the only thing the crazy god does is incline his head before looking away.

"That's a wicked helmet," Calvin says to Loki, completely unbothered by the muzzle the other wears. "Can I have it?"

"Calvin!" Tony grabs the younger man and drags him to safety in case the two asgardians will be upset. "You do not ask crazy gods for their helmets, even if it's horny," he can't help to add with a smirk.

"And who might this be, man of iron?"

"Calvin," Calvin says and holds out hand.

"It's an honor to meet you young Calvin, and your spirit animal also."

"He's called Hobbes."

"A fine name for a fine animal!"

Calvin gives the thunder god a wide eye look before smiling.

"Yes it is. So, can I have the helmet?"

Thor laughs and pats Calvin on the head, more carefully than he usually is. He then turns to Loki.

"Brother, what says you? Does the mortal child receive your helmet?"

Loki looks at his brother before turning his gaze towards Calvin, after a moment he nods.

"Thank you!" He seems to listen for a while. "Hobbes says that you should warn you mother about the Drows."

He then accepts the helmet from Thor, almost dropping it when he notices its weight. After that Thor decides that it’s time to return with his brother and leaves with the rest if the Avengers to go to the chosen place. Calvin returns to his lair carrying Hobbes in the helmet.

It's almost a month later when SHIELD finally thinks that reveling that Phil Coulson survived the attack is a good idea. And a few days later he comes by Stark Industries to try and gather all alien technology that he can. SHIELD doesn't want it in the wrong hands, or rather any hands outside their organization. Personally Phil doesn't agree, Stark Industries is perhaps even more likely to unravel the technology and make something new from it. There have been attempts from other SHIELD agents to come and retrieve the technology, but they have either been stopped in the reception or stonewalled by the employees. The only thing that they managed to find out was that Calvin was the person with most technology. Something Clint had known the day after the invasion, so Phil was not impressed by the other agents.

Once again it's easy to get a visitors pass, with the name agent on it. And after he asks around he found out where Calvin had his office, and lair. He still can’t believe that Tony has built the younger man a lair, but apparently he has. Arriving at the right floor makes him suppress a smile. There’s a big sign hanging on a door, a sign saying The Lair on it. The door is made to look like it's made of metal, but since it's slightly open he can see that it's an ordinary door. Phil can't help but glance inside. The theme of the room is black, with dashes of bright colors. It's not as much a lair as it is a room for people to relax. Or perhaps even sleep, since there's one occupant in the room sleeping on a futon. Phil quickly moves in when he sees that it’s not the person he's looking for. He spots Calvin a moment later, or rather Calvin spots him and shouts in horror.

"T-1000," before running away.

Before he can decide whether to try and catch up with the younger man or not he becomes aware that Calvin now a day has minions as crazy as him. One of them looks after the blond running away for a moment before pulling out some kind of giant gun like weapon, aiming it at Phil and pulling the trigger. A load whump sound is heard and Phil ducks for cover. Not that it helps since the projectile just slams into the wall behind him and spatter waters everywhere in vicinity.

Phil gives the minion an unimpressed glare as he drops water on the floor, and the minion quickly escapes into a nearby room. A snicker behind him informs him that Tony has arrived.

"I thought you've learnt your lesson the last time you were here. Really agent, I thought you were quicker on the uptake."

"What was that?" Phil asks impressed against his will.

"A water bazooka. Like an air bazooka, but for water. Calvin is still working out some kinks in the design, but he's promised me that we're going to have a water war when he's done. Me and the Avengers against him and his minions. We're still arguing who's getting Bruce."

"I still think it's better for everyone if I don't participates," Bruce says and gives Phil a small and amused smile.

"Nonsense," Tony says and drags Bruce with him as he starts walking towards Calvin’s office. "Why shouldn’t' you want to shoot water on people, most that are ridiculous hot. Wait, I think I want to be on Calvin’s team."

"I'm not sure the other guy would appreciate being in a water war."

"So? I mean it's not like we care if he shows up or anything. I know for a fact that Calvin has made water balloons big enough for the Hulk."

"Tony," Bruce doesn't seem to know how to continue and just sighs, still smiling.

"And you agent, what brings you to Stark Industries? I hope you’re not here to try and steal Calvin again, he's not gonna come with you."

"No, I’m not trying, as you put it, steal Calvin from you. I don't think SHEILD would survive having him working for us."

"So, why are you here?"

"It has come to my attention, and by my I mean SHEILD’s, that Calvin appropriated some of the alien technology after the invasion."

"Really? Huh, I didn't know that," Tony doesn't sound worried by this, just baffled that the other hadn't told him.

"Well, we can always ask him," Bruce tells him.

Calvin is found in his office, behind his desk holding a pack of spaghetti. One of his minions is sitting next to wearing a colander. She waives at Tony when they enters. Hobbes is sitting in Loki’s helmet, a water balloon in his lap.

"How do I know you’re not robots from the future sent to kill us all?" Calvin demands.

"Calvin, honey cup. Phil wasn't dead dead, he was only mostly dead," Tony explains.

"Ah, true love. Its Clint isn't it? That's why he's Cupid."

"I assure you that Clint isn't my one true love," Phil ignores the giggles around him, just as he ignores his still dripping suit. "Now, I’m here to ask you about the alien technology you picked up after the invasion."

"Ok, what about it?"

"We're curious what you've found out and what you've done with it."

"Yeah, how come I didn't know about it and had to hear it from agent?"

"I sent you a memo," Calvin says.

"You did?" Tony pulls out a tablet and starts looking for it.

"The weapons or what’s' left of them are in the lobby."

"The lobby," Phil repeats just to be sure.

"Huh, here it is," Tony mutters and starts to read before he stops and gives Calvin a shocked look. "Wait, that new sculpture you made is made out of alien technology?" A smirk spread over his face. "That's awesome. You're awesome you know that right? I would totally do you right now if you wanted. I'm so buying you something right now, you like pizza. Do you want a pizza hut? I can buy you a pizza hut."

"I want beanbags for my lair."

"Why do you wound me so, ask for something more expensive or at least harder."

"Fine, I also want uniforms for me and my minions for when we're having the water war. And waterproof clothes for Hobbes."

"If we could get back to the more important business about the alien technology," Phil interrupts them. "Why did you make a sculpture and more important what did you find out about the technology."

"It's all in the memo I sent to Tony."

"Fine, Mr. Stark can I please have a look at the memo."

He snatches the tablet from Tony's hands before the other man can say anything ad looks through the memo. He can feel a headache coming on, a headache he usually only gets when dealing with Stark. But since Calvin is a Stark employee he supposes it's not so strange. He's not sure how fury will take the news that the alien technology has been transform into a sculpture and the leftovers thrown away, well except a few parts that was to unstable to be discarded and is locked in one of the vaults. Let's make the best of it he thinks with an internal smile.

"Stark, could you send this memo to fury?"

"Sure," Tony’s smirks at the thought. "It will be my pleasure, as long as I can get the surveillance from when he reads it."

"I'll see what I can do," Phil promises.

When he leaves the building not so long after, he thinks that perhaps it’s a good thing that those that works there were a special kind of crazy. They're probably the only thing that has kept Tony Stark from taking over the world. He's to busy playing around with others like himself. And Calvin seems to be especially good at distracting him. He needed to make sure Calvin stayed where he was. Who knows what they would get up to if they were separated.