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Cosima woke up in a room she had never seen before.
She blinked a few times, trying to focus on what was around her, but without her glasses on it wasn't that easy. She noticed what she was pretty sure was a window, and what she thought was a nightstand near her bed.
Everything was foreign.
Until she laid eyes on that blonde, fluffy hair that she knew so well and would recognize everywhere, with or without glasses on.
“Hey” she groaned sitting and leaning over to retrieve her glasses from the nightstand.
“Cosima”. Delphine's head snapped up from her iPad as soon as she heard the brunette's voice. iPad immediately forgotten, she focused on her, lower lip between her teeth and a worried look tinting her features. She immediately tried to hide her concern and all her negative feelings, Cosima noticed, but failed.
“So, judging by your face, whatever happened must have been really bad, right?” she tried to keep it cool, hide her worry, like her passing out wasn't that big of a deal.
But she was scared. So very scared. She knew she was getting worse.
She noticed how the urge to cough had doubled in the last few weeks. She noticed how the amount of blood she had been coughing lately was far more than she would have liked to see.
She knew all that, she was a scientist for Christ's sake.
And yet she would pretend that things weren't that bad.
Denial 101.
“You had a seizure, Cosima”, Delphine explained, taking a chance and grabbing her hand. Cosima didn't pull away; God knows she needed the blonde right now, the fight they had the other day forgotten for the moment. “It was a tonic-clonic seizure and...”
Cosima laughed at that, and Delphine stopped mid-sentence.
“Of course it had to be clonic, right? Cosmic joke and everything”.
But Delphine didn't laugh with her, her features still painted with worry.
She didn't even smiled and Cosima cleared her throat before looking down at her hands, almost embarrassed at her joke. But she had to joke about this whole shitty situation, or it would swallow her whole. After all, isn't that what she basically told Sarah when she joined the Clone Club? To be at least a bit cheery so she wouldn't end up like Beth? To keep a positive attitude and not think about how fucked up their lives really were?
And that was exactly what she was trying to do.
For what she knew, maybe this disease is what pushed Beth to jump in front of that train.
And besides, it's not like she was getting any better.
She had the right to joke about it however she wanted.
It was her body, her biology, her life.
And Delphine said it herself: she was getting worse.
Not even Kira's tooth bought her time. To be fair, it actually looked like the whole procedure did the opposite.
That was probably karma kicking her in the shins for unconsciously agreeing to use an innocent girl's tooth.
Cosmic joke #2.
“C'mon, Delphine...” she tried to cheer her up, but the French doctor interrupted her immediately, ignoring her joke, and explained, in a very clinical way, what had happened.
“The seizure lasted a few minutes before Scott and I could do anything...” she trailed off and took a deep breath before continuing.
Cosima tuned her out, noticing how the woman in front of her was avoiding to look her in the eye while explaining and reliving the episode.
She knew how hard this must be for Delphine. This wasn't probably what she had signed for when she agreed to monitor her, taking care of a sick clone.
Despite the lying, the sneaking, the spying and the secrets, she knew that Delphine cared about her probably as much as Cosima herself cared about the blonde.
And it killed her to put her through this. The heartache, the long hours holed up in the lab, and the failure of a research that seemed doomed to fail, the inevitable loss of a loved one.
That's why she was trying to lighten the mood only a few minutes ago. She didn't want Delphine to feel the pressure of a situation that was doomed from the start. She didn't want Delphine to feel like crap because of her.
She focused once again on Delphine's words, nodding as if she had heard every single word the blonde uttered so far.
“Clonic seizure, passed out, unconscious for 30 minutes. Got it.” She summarized quickly with a nod. “But I feel better now, so how about we go back to the lab and...” Delphine never let her finish that sentence.
“No!” she said resolutely, interrupting the brunette, the look in the eye was one of shock, probably caused by Cosima's idea, worry, probably picturing her having another seizure while working, and stubbornness, like she was ready to physically restrain the smaller girl to force her to stay in bed and rest. Or stay there like a puppy, guarding her.
Cosima smiled.
“What, you're gonna stand there and watch me all day?” She asked, her shit eating grin on full display, “That'd be another point in favor of my theory of you being a puppy, you know that, right?
And this time Delphine finally smiled with her, even laughed a bit, relaxing her shoulders and weaving a hand in her hair, messing it up a bit.
“Bien, why not?” she asked, caressing one of Cosima's hands, ignoring the whole puppy bit. “I need to relax after you almost gave me a heart-attack”. She tried to say the last bit in a casual way, like it hadn't affected her at all, but Cosima knew.
“Well, if you need to unwind, then I know the perfect way” she smirked, enjoying the flustered look in the French doctor's face. Cosima smiled trying to think of what the blonde might had be thinking right then.
“Non, Cosima, this is not the place for... Bien, to make crazy science” she finally voiced her thoughts. “I know I promised you that when Aldous...”
“Dude,” Cosima interrupted her right away “I was talking about smoking pot, not having sex here, in a hospital bed” she explained, her smile getting bigger and bigger while Delphine's face went through 10 different shades of red in under a minute. Cosima couldn't help it and started laughing, throwing her head back. “But I like the way you think, Doctor Cormier” she then added, sultry smile on her lips, lust starting to darken her eyes.
“You are a brat” the blonde remarked, softly slapping her in the arm.
“Yeah, yeah” she said dismissively. ”Still, I did promise I'd get you baked one day, didn't I?” she reminded the blonde, noticing the subtle change in Delphine's expression. A longing smile touched her lips, probably her mind going back to that day were everything was so much easier, their “jogging” after stealing those bottles of very expensive wine.
“Yes. Yes, you did” she replied softly, looking the brunette in the eye, that longing smile still in place.
“Well, since my time is running out, right now is as good a time as any.”
At that, Delphine rolled her eye, let go of her hand and slumped back in her chair, defeated and Cosima noticed her jaw clenching harder and harder.
“Why do you have to be so morbid?” She then asked the geek girl in bed, who simply shrugged before replying.
“Because I am dying, Delphine, no need to beat around the bush.” And Cosima was aware of how this reply showed how much hope of surviving she had left: none.
She was tired of fighting something that was clearly unbeatable if not even Kira's tooth, also known as the supposed answer to all her problems, gave positive results. “Not even Kira's tooth worked and that was our best chance” she voiced her thoughts in a calm voice, finally saying what they were both probably thinking. “I am dying, Delphine, end of story”.
At those words, the blonde snapped up from her chair, looked the clone right in the eye, before sitting on her bed few inches from her. Her posture and expression oozing determination and resolution, and Cosima couldn't help but stare, mesmerized by the woman in front of her. “You are not going to die, do you hear me?” she almost yelled, hand on the clone's shoulder and accent thicker than usual, probably because of the storm of feelings raging inside of her at that moment.
And in that moment, Cosima wanted desperately to believe her. She almost did. She almost felt an ounce of hope making its way in her heart, electrifying her body from head to toes.
Or maybe that was just what the blonde's touch did to her.
Her mind inevitably went back to their first night together.
Those memories couldn't just be described as “electrifying”. That wasn't enough to fully explain how she felt at having Delphine so close, both physically and emotionally. She still remember her hands, her lips, her voice, her muffled screams, her moans, her tears, their bodies writhing as one...
She could close her eyes and lose herself in that moment, reliving it all over again, every single detail forever burned in her brain.
And for the first time since shit really hit the fan, she wanted to be optimistic, to see the glass half full; she wanted to be certain of beating this disease and survive just to add some more of those memories to her life with Delphine.
“I am going to save you, ma chérie, if it's the last thing I do”.
Chills ran through her spine at those words. The look in Delphine's eyes was resolute, and Cosima could not spot an ounce of doubt, lie, hesitation or deception. She was deadly serious and that scared the shit out of her. Just thinking of the things Delphine was ready to do to save her, to keep her promise, not to fail her...
“Delphine...” she tried to speak, but the French interrupted her pulling her close in a bone-crushing hug, holding for dear life to the petite girl. And Cosima couldn't help but comply, hugging her back like her life depended on it. It had been way too long since she held her close and the blonde had the unique ability to calm her and soothe her just by being there.
“I am going to save you”, she repeated, “and, oui, I've lied to you before, but I could never lie about this. It's not possible.”
Cosima's mind went back, once again, to a day in the recent past when the blonde said those same exact words. Back then she had decided not to believe her, but not now.
She snuggled closer, her nose in the crook of Delphine's neck, and as she took a deep breath, her intoxicating smell pervaded her senses, calming her even more.
She never needed Delphine more than she did right now.
“Je t'aime, Cosima”.
She had studied French, back in high school. She knew damn well what those words meant, not even her rusty French prevented her from understanding them.
Her ear still tingled were Delphine's breath came in contact whit it when she whispered those words, and she swallowed hard.
She let the blonde slowly go, their faces now inches apart.
A surprised and whispered “what?” left her lips, her hazel eyes wide and never leaving the green ones in front of her.
The blonde smiled that soft and adorable smile of hers, dimples popping and a soft blush coloring her cheeks.
“I love you, Cosima” she repeated, this time in English, smile never faltering, hand caressing the brunette's cheek.
At this point the brunette was gaping, still taking in every single inch of the glowing, smiling face in front of her.
It's not like that was the first time someone ever said those words to her, and it's not like Delphine hadn't made her feeling clear before, after all she told her she had fallen for her, but this, right now... It felt all so different. So real. So right.
This time Cosima had not doubt about what those words really meant and why the blonde said them.
And this was the first time she really felt like saying those words back, meaning it; because, that was it, this was what love felt like: wanting to fight and live another day just to give everything to this person who held your heart in the palm of her hand.
And that's why she finally smiled that big, mega-watt smile of hers, whispering a “ditto, obvs”, that made Delphine smile longingly, her mind probably going back to the first time she ever heard Cosima saying those words.
“I love you, too, Delphine” she finally added, leaning in and throwing her arms around the blonde's girl neck, kissing her.
Forgotten where the lies, the schemes, the sneaking, the deception, DYAD, the seizure...
All that mattered right there and then where the two of them, living in the moment.
As their kisses grew more and more heated by the second, a throat cleared in the distance, and then Cosima registered a very distinctive and very familiar British accent interrupting their heated make out session.
“Oi!” they broke their kiss, Cosima disentangling herself from Delphine and finally noticing Sarah standing at the door, her hands covering the ears of a little girl standing right in front of her. “Sorry to interrupt all the snogging, but no shagging in front of children”. Cosima smiled at the slang used by her clone, and invited her and the little girl in.
“I might be the clone who's always late, but you're definitely the one with the worst timing ever, dude” she teased, and smirked at her clone who reflected her same expression.
They stayed in silence for a moment, before Cosima asked seriously “What are you two doing here, Sarah?” her hands were nervously playing with Delphine's, still too tired from the seizure to move her hands a mile per minute as she usually did when she talked, “You can't stay here, you need to leave”.
She could feel Delphine's staring her, probably swallowing the friendly reminder of how they needed Kira to save her and whichever other clones would show her symptoms. But Cosima was thankful to the doctor for keeping those thoughts for herself.
“You needed us, we came” the punk just shrugged, hands now on her daughter's shoulders.
Cosima was now shaking her head in denial, trying to ignore the warm and fuzzy feeling those words caused in her chest. She couldn't focus on that now, she needed to let Sarah understand what she was risking just by standing there and talking to her. Rachel might find her, and they were all starting to understand what that cold-hearted bitch was capable of. For all they knew, she was probably the one who killed Leekie in cool blood.
“This is a dangerous place for both you and Kira, you need to get the hell out of here!”
The punk shrugged again, oozing a confidence that her sick clone wasn't really feeling. “We're hardcore, ain't that right, Monkey?”
Kira nodded, smiling and showing Cosima her teeth. “I pulled my tooth for you” she then said, and both Cosima's and Delphine's eyes went wide.
“What?” the geek asked in shock. “She pulled a fu...” she was about to curse, then stopped herself just in time. “That's why you need to bolt, run away as long as you can, and never turn back”.
“Oi, would you shut up?” the punk finally said, effectively shutting Cosima up. “We trust you,” she said honestly, looking straight in her clone's eyes, before briefly looking at the French doctor, “and if you trust her, then so do I”.
Cosima felt Delphine squeeze her hand, and she smiled.
That warm and fuzzy feeling in her chest came back, twice as strong now.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to keep those damn tears at bay.
Here she was, facing her mortality first, and her clone now.
A clone who meant nothing to her until recently, when she joined the Clone Club.
A clone who could have left her and Alison to deal with their shit and keep staying out of DYAD's radar, as she had done her whole life before bumping into Beth at that train station.
Someone who should be just an acquaintance to her, but felt more and more like a sister as the days went by.
A sister who just agreed to have herself and her daughter tested by their sworn enemy, just to help her.
She was this close to crying and she could blame the treatment she was going through.
Thank God Sarah spoke and she could swallow the lump in her throat and compose herself.
“Besides, Kira couldn't wait to finally meet her Auntie Cosima. She even drew you something, ain't that right, Monkey?” Kira nodded, unfolding a paper she was holding and showing it to her aunt.
Cosima finally took a look at the kid, smiling. “Really?” she then asked surprised, not expecting any of what was happening.
“You have to go and show it to her, Monkey, 'cause Aunt Cosima is as blind as a bat, trust me”, she nudged her gently, inviting her to approach the dread-locked girl who was now looking at her with the most annoyed look.
“Oh, so you're the funny c... c-word.” Cosima teased her, trying to remain serious, but Delphine noticed how the corner of her mouth were slightly curving upward in a smile.
Sarah ignored her, and instead said to Kira “Monkey, meet the Geek Monkey”, a very satisfied look appeared on her face as Cosima's was once again painted with annoyance at her sister's word.
Delphine smiled at that, loving the nickname Sarah gave her, but she decided to stay silent once again, letting the clones enjoy the moment.
“Ugh, I am so done with you, you have no idea”, replied Cosima, focusing on the smile Kira had on her face at the discovery that they were both nicknamed after the same animal.
The little girl handed her the drawing, and Cosima smiled at what she saw.
There was a drawing of Sarah holding hands with both Felix and Kira.
Next to the little girl, holding her other hand, there was someone she never saw before, but who recognized anyway thanks to the stories Sarah told her: Helena. Who was holding a glass full of what looked like jello in her other hand.
Then there was Alison, dressed in pink, of course, and with a soccer ball in her hands.
And then, Cosima herself, hugging what looked like a stuffed animal that resembled a puppy. “Oh, look,” she said to Delphine, pointing at the drawing, “Kira drew you too”. She smirked when the blonde gently shoved her shoulder and whispered “brat”.
“That's awesome, kid”, she said to Kira, who was clearly satisfied and happy to receive that compliment.
The little girl then took one of the clone's hands, as if she was shaking it in a very adult way, and said “nice to meet you, Aunt Cosima”.
And right there and then she found out how much she liked to be called that, and how much she loved this little kid already; a kid who seemed so special, and not just because she was a genetic anomaly.
And she realized, once and for all, that she wanted to live for Delphine and have a future with her, for her recently found sisters and weird family, and for this adorable, little kid.
And she also wanted to live for herself because, dammit, she still had a PhD waiting for her, and now she wanted to experience all those things she had to live for.
She smiled and with her other hand patted the little girl on the head.
“Ditto. Obvs”.