Chapter Text
.: Veritas :.
part one
The roar of the wind was deafening. She could barely hear herself screaming over the sound for the first few hours as the land and sea raced by so far below. The night was long in passing when Nami eventually settled into a dull haze of fear and weariness. Throat painfully raw and body exhausted, the events that led to her current predicament kept replaying themselves in her mind, taunting her. The human auctioning house, Luffy's actions against the Celestial Dragons to protect Keimi, the Navy, the sudden appearance of the human weapons known as 'Pacifistas' — and then the arrival of the warlord who made the girl from Thriller Bark vanish, Kuma.
Whatever his Devil Fruit power was, it seemed to be remarkably cruel. It was torturous to be sent flying in the air with no idea of when or how it would end, but she was pretty certain that it wouldn't end well. Far better to be killed outright than to have fear constantly gnawing away at one's mind. She wondered if the time spent flying was supposed to be some sort of twisted attempt at kindness, an opportunity for the soon-to-be-dead to make peace with themselves and their creator. Maybe she was supposed to review her life and her choices and find some kind of inner peace. Then, as soon as that moment of calm came — BOOM! — her body would slam into the ground, and she'd be dead.
Or, maybe spending the last several hours in a panic had warped her brain. She couldn't be sure.
Either way, she didn't want to die, but she felt there was simply no way to avoid it. So high up in the air and traveling so fast, alone, and with no means to safely return to earth—how could she survive? Kuma had likely sent them all to their death.
'I should have run.'
The thought sprang up from seemingly nowhere, and tears immediately stung her eyes. 'I should have listened to him,' she thought as the memory of her captain's expression just before Kuma touched her filled her mind.
That one moment, that single second, had burned itself into her brain. If she lived beyond this experience, she would never forget the look of horror and pain on Luffy's face and the helplessness that shone in his eyes when she called out to him for help. It was the one time, the only time he had been unable to help her. Legs paralyzed by fear and unable to move, Nami had counted on him to do the impossible, to save her like he always had.
And he couldn't.
She knew, without any doubt in her mind, that he blamed himself for that and shouldn't. Squeezing her eyes shut, she thought of his desperate order for them to run, but all she could do was stand wide-eyed with disbelief as Zoro vanished. Franky had tried in vain to get to her to run, but shock had her rooted in place. It was all happening so fast that she felt like her brain was stumbling over itself, trying to process everything.
Seconds later, Brook was gone, too. Then Usopp. Sanji, enraged, charged at Kuma, only to meet the same fate as the others. The empty places her friends had just been made her blood feel thick and cold as Chopper's terrible roar filled her ears. This was the end of them. This was how they were all going to die. Zoro and Sanji were both so strong and had been so easily defeated. What hope was there? Even Luffy saw it. Why else would he beg them to run?
The sudden loss of Franky and the looming form of Kuma towering over her snapped her back into the moment. It was her turn now. She turned instinctively toward Luffy and asked him to save her, knowing even as she said it that he couldn't. The look in his eyes cut through her, and in the split second before Kuma touched her, she hated herself for asking him and for hurting him.
And then, she was flying.
'I won't do that to him again.'
As the first few hints of dawn began to lighten the sky, she caught sight of a distant island on the horizon, its mountainous landscape tipped with snow and haloed by low clouds. It was unfamiliar to her, but for some reason, she felt she was now higher in the air than she had been the day before. She didn't know how that was possible, but the absurdity of her situation caused her to burst into a peal of manic laughter. It was a brittle, harsh sound that she knew marked the beginnings of hysteria. She had to reign in her thoughts, calm her emotions, and force herself to think to maintain her sanity.
Part of her wondered why she should bother. Why not just give in to fear and crumble apart? Who would know? Who would care? After all, if she continued to climb much higher, the air would be too thin to breathe, and she'd suffocate. Or, she would freeze to death. Or, she could continue like this for days and starve. Or, she could slam into the ground or ocean at any moment and die on impact.
Death seemed so imminent—why resist being afraid?
'Luffy wouldn't be afraid.'
Her throat tightened as soon as the thought entered her mind. No, Luffy would likely be angry. And he wouldn't want her to be afraid, either. A friend of the future Pirate King shouldn't be scared of anything. He'd want her to resist, to be strong. For his sake, she decided, she'd trust that somehow things would be okay. She would not give in to panic.
So she let her mind continue to recall her time as a Straw Hat Pirate. It was strange to review her memories under the oppressive weight of her mortality. Under Arlong, she feared pain, but she knew he wouldn't kill her. She was far too valuable to him. Under Luffy, she felt near-invincible because somehow, some way, he always managed to do the impossible. But now, alone and powerless, she felt time compress around her like she had suddenly aged seventy years and had nothing to look forward to.
There was so much that she took for granted. All the laughter, all the fun, all the excitement... There could be no more tomorrows, no more chances to do or say all the things she wanted to. She might never see her sister, Genzo, or East Blue again. She might never taste another tangerine, draw another map, get to sun herself on the Thousand Sunny or explore a new island with her Nakama. Worse, she might never see them again—Zoro, Chopper, Usopp, Robin, Franky, Sanji, Brook...
She might never see Luffy again. She might never see his face-splitting grin or hear his joyous snicker, which always managed to make everyone around him smile, too. She might never get to watch him steal food from every plate at the dinner table to the annoyance of all, only to risk his own life hours later to protect his nakama.
The more she thought of him, the tighter her chest felt, and she soon found a certain truth she had long ignored easily blossoming within her heart.
She loved him.
It was undeniable when the realization came to her during the sunset on the second day, the sky painted in the warm hues of red and orange, that she couldn't help but smile. Nami had always known that she had strong feelings for him, an affection that she rarely expressed because his reckless antics tended to drive her crazy—but the way her heart clenched as she thought of him, worried over him, regretted her role in hurting him by not listening, by not being strong enough, by always, always needing him to save her...
She loved him. So much so that the more she thought about it and more willing she was to be honest with herself, the easier it became to trace back the how and when. It was a gradual thing, she knew that for certain. It was a slow build that began with the tiniest of cracks, a sliver of possibility, that morphed into something she had been unconsciously denying to herself for months.
It started, of course, when he saved her from Arlong. Looking back on it now, she felt like an idiot for not recognizing the path she had set herself on sooner. She was a navigator for crying out loud. She was supposed to be the expert at knowing where they were going and what was ahead, but clearly not when it came to her own foolish heart. The signs had always been there. He was such an idiot. So foolhardy, impossible, overly adventurous, and enthusiastically happy all the damn time. He was always grinning, always laughing, always so carefree and bursting with confidence. He trusted so easily, believed so completely, and protected so fiercely...
How could she not fall in love with him?
It was stupid of her to think he was "just a friend" and nothing more. Luffy was just a friend who was frustrating and idiotic, but he just happened to be someone she trusted implicitly and would follow anywhere he led. There was a time when she believed that any affection she felt toward him was just a fondness born out of admiration, a very healthy dose of gratitude, and nothing more.
She snorted to herself. Those excuses felt painfully thin when she examined herself under the light of truth. After all, when was the last time she dedicated herself wholeheartedly to a group or a cause with such devotion as she did to Luffy and his crew? (Now her crew, too.)
Nami knew the answer to that. It came to her the instant the thought filled her mind—it was when Arlong took over everything. It was when she decided she would do anything to protect the people she loved, even if it meant working for the devil himself. She took his mark and hated herself for it. And when all hope seemed lost, she let that hate consume her. Wanting nothing more than to destroy the taint that Arlong had forced upon her skin, she stabbed herself. Over and over again, deep and jagged, blood everywhere, but she didn't see it. Didn't feel it. All she saw was Arlong, lips stretched wide and cruel to reveal his perfectly white, perfectly sharp teeth. The more she remembered his smile, his raucous laughter, the more she hated herself.
She couldn't hurt Arlong, but she could destroy his mark upon her body—rip that representation of him to shreds. And she did, until Luffy stopped her.
His hand gripping her wrist, keeping her still, suddenly brought her back into the moment. It was then she realized what she was doing to herself and what was about to happen to the people she loved, and the only one who had any chance to stop it was holding her hand. Tears blurred her vision, and she felt the tiniest bit of hope break through her despair. It was like seeing a distant oasis in an endless desert. Her heart fluttered with longing, and she desperately wanted to wrap herself around it, but years of pain, abuse, and disappointment flooded the forefront of her mind.
No one could help her. Trusting in him meant watching more people she cared about suffer, possibly even die, and she couldn't bear that. Not again. Her only chance was to beg Arlong's forgiveness and hope that he would spare some of them. But first, she had to get rid of Luffy.
"You don't know anything!" She remembered screaming at him. "You don't know what's been happening on this island for the past eight years!"
And he didn't. More than that, he didn't seem to care to.
"I told you to leave!"
He knew that, too. Still, he didn't listen.
"Leave!" She demanded, her voice breaking as despair began to overwhelm her. "Get lost! Go!"
But he stood there, silently watching her as tears rolled down her cheeks and blood poured from her shoulder. Just stood there, silent and motionless. Watching. Waiting.
Perhaps it was the silence, the unobtrusive way he waited for her, that finally broke through the layers of fear in her heart and forced her to squeak out her most ardent wish.
"Luffy... help me."
And then his hat was on her head. It was such a simple yet profound act on his part. As he was walking away, she remembered the value he placed upon that hat. It was something he once referred to as his 'treasure.' Now, it was hers: her comfort, her hope, her treasure.
She could see it all so clearly now, flying through the air, her mouth and nose impossibly dry as her stomach clenched painfully from lack of food. It was at that moment, with Luffy's hat on her head and his promise that he would help her, that the seed had been planted in her heart. With that simple act and life-changing promise, Nami began to fall in love with him. She smiled at the memory, her body tingling with warmth as she let the feeling wash over her, comforting her.
Nami swore to herself then, as darkness began to close around her, that if she lived through this, she would find Luffy again. She would be what he needed her to be. She would make sure she never saw that look of horror and pain on his face again because she couldn't defend herself or didn't listen to him. His dream was her dream, and she would stand by him, always, and do whatever she could to help him achieve it.
~ to be continued ~