Archive of Our Own ^beta

The knocks on the door were getting frantic. Anne continued ignoring them, and when Dan began to rise from his seat, she placed a hand over his wrist, silently telling him to stay put. She took her time to finish chewing, swallowed her perfectly seasoned piece of chicken, and finally spoke:

“I told our friends not to drop in at dinner time without calling, and neither of us give our home address to our professional contacts. This is either a vendor, or someone too rude to be worth leaving chicken salad unfinished.”

Dan squirmed. He had been the kind of guy who couldn't leave the phone ringing well before he became a doctor, and it only got worse from that point. What if it was an emergency? What if one of the neighbourhood's kids had fallen off their bike, or worse?

The knocking stopped. The respite was not long. Anne's phone soon began to ring. She finally gave in and at least looked at the display.

“Eddie,” she sighed. Her ex had made pathetic into an art form. She knew he'd wait at the door almost indefinitely, if he felt like it was important. Fine! She tried to stab a cashew with her fork to get one last mouthful in before her meal was officially ruined, but only managed to shatter it and caught a piece of kale instead. Eddie was going to have to answer for this! She declined the call and opened the door, where she found him pale, sweaty and almost doubled over in pain. Her annoyance immediately melted away.

“Eddie! What's going...”

She did not get to finish her sentence; with a muttered apology, the man dodged past her, ran into the house, and after one or two false turns, locked himself in the bathroom.

“Oh please tell me you didn't stop here at dinner time just to use the bathroom!” she yelled through the door.

Expressive grunts, sounding too satisfied for good taste, confirmed her suspicion. She waited with her sternest expression on, and Anne was a black belt in stern expressions. Dan wisely retreated to his chicken salad. Eddie came out, still pale but at least no longer in pain.

“I'm sorry about that,” he said while pretending not to notice her disapproval, “but I was on my way here when it caught me and I just couldn't wait...”

“You should have called before coming in the first place, we could have been out for all you knew. What's going on? Did you get in trouble again?”

“I... huh... ate bad sushi.”

She hoped it wasn't an euphemism for the things she knew his alien buddy had a taste for, but decided to take it literally for the moment.

“You know Dan will help you with your... special condition... but for a food poisoning you'd be better off at the walk-in clinic.”

“I went! Eddie protested. They gave me antibiotics. But, well, they make him sick.” She sighed again, but the anger had drained. She checked his hands – still damp, he hadn't forgotten to wash them – and bid him to the dining room.

Dan was one big nerd, always eager to talk about work, so at the condition of not describing any graphic body function while she was eating, he took in the visitor's situation. A mere glance at the bottle of pills apparently sufficed to make everything click in his smart doctor brain.

“This looks like...”

Eddie squirmed and interrupted.

“Like I need a babysitter, right? Venom can fix a lot of things in my body, but sorting good bacteria from bad is a bit much to ask, so I'll need the medicine to get healthy. Meanwhile, he needs a body that's not poisoning him. And I know he gets along with Anne...” he trailed off.

Anne put down her fork, thoroughly chewed her current mouthful, eyes half closed, and through sheer force of willpower, managed not to choke on anything.

“You drop in unannounced, in the middle of dinner, and ask me to babysit for you, regardless of what plans I might have?”

“He won't interfere with your plans, you know. I say babysitting but we both know Venom is a grown adult, aside from being physically incapable of staying alone he can look after himself. It won't actually be work!”

Anne crossed her arms and frowned. It certainly took nerve to drop in and ask to host a damned space symbiote for the weekend, but it sounded like the safest way to let Eddie get back to health, and she wasn't thrilled about him hurting.

“Alright. But you, I know you can hear me, you better not keep me from sleeping, or talk to me while I work, or anything weird really. I have important things to do right now and I need to focus.”

Looking back at this moment later, she shouldn't have taken Eddie's deadpan expression as a good sign. She held out her hand. Eddie caught it. Only a few black tendrils showed themselves, feeling around her wrist, while the mass of the viscous body passed invisibly between their touching palms. She felt only a touch of shame for how she enjoyed the bizarre sensation.

Eddie swayed. He looked sicker now. Must have felt it, too, because he decided to start his antibiotics run immediately and swallowed a pill dry.

“I'll just go home and cry over myself ok? I'll call every day, oh and there's this too...”

He unzipped his pack and pulled out a worrisomely large bag of bulk chocolate.

“This should keep his cravings in check long enough.”

She looked at it with horror.

It didn't hurt this time. The last time the symbiote had bonded with Anne, they had been in a hurry, and for the sake of saving Eddie, she had put up with more violent sensations than she liked. Today, they were cautious, she sometimes felt a twitch as the fluid body molded itself around her entrails, but could have missed it if she hadn't been paying attention. It probed carefully, and found her nerves one by one. She could actually tell, something like an echo of her own sensations reached her brain, after being processed by a second mind.

It was silent. She only received dim impressions, a little glow of awareness that mirrored her own, thoughts fed by her own senses, molded by her own body. It had a mind of its own, but it only lived through her. No wonder Eddie had fallen in love so fast, one could only feel sympathy about it. She felt guilty about preemptively scolding them. Eddie had probably made them promise they'd be very quiet, and she had demanded the same minutes ago.

“You can talk, you know.”

She felt something relax. She encouraged it further:

“I don't want you to keep me from working, but we're at home now, you don't have to shut up the whole time.”

A moment passed. Maybe it needed more time to connect properly, before it could talk? Suddenly, she doubled over and winced. Dan was immediately at her side, ready to help, but the pain subsided. Finally, the first word was dropped into her head:

“Oops.”

“What just happened there?”

“I'm too familiar with Eddie, it may have slipped my mind that not every body is built identically. Do not worry, I have repaired the artery.”

Dan had lifted her shirt just enough to see a fresh bruise on her side, rapidly resorbing. She was not in a mood to immediately respond to his worries, and instead addressed the symbiote:

“Well don't just walk around with your eyes closed!”

“You probably don't want me to form eyes in...”

“I know for a fact,” she interrupted, “that you have normal adult intelligence and a solid understanding of the English language. Any obtuse literal-mindedness will be taken as the childish bullshit it is.”

The voice went silent again, but not without emitting a strong feeling of frustration. Eddie was much more fun to mess with!

Anne reassured Dan that nothing dangerous had actually happened, then returned to her salad. She felt an unusual distaste about it. She sighed:

“Come on, don't ruin my dinner. If you don't like what I'm eating just don't connect to my taste buds, because I am not switching to Eddie's all-carbs diet for you. If anything you should load up on vitamins while you're here.”

Dan sat at the table, helped himself with a piece of homemade garlic croûton, and tried to take part in the conversation:

“That's a good point, Anne takes good care of herself. A host that you don't need to stop from stuffing buttons up their nose should be restful, right?”

Anne helpfully repeated the answer for Dan to hear:

“Venom says he's proud that Eddie has never inserted anything unsafe into his nose, but if that's relevant he did once help him remove a candle that he had put in his... WHAT? NO!”

Dan dropped his croûton and stared. Anne nervously reached for one as well. The basket was a little too far and she should have had to get up, but fine tendrils extended from her fingertips and closed the distance for her. She almost brought the captured piece of toasted bread to her mouth, but stopped herself and looked at it suspiciously. Dan relaxed, relieved to finally get to be of help:

“I'm positively certain that it's clean. Do you have any idea how much your flesh is more vulnerable to bacteria than your mouth? If that goo wasn't aseptic, you'd be very sick right now. I'd be more worried about how casually you just used tentacles.”

“I didn't! I mean, I wanted to reach further, I felt that I could... no I felt that we could, so we reached.”

“Don't let him get this far into your head, Anne. You don't want to turn as weird as Eddie.”

“Oh Dan, don't worry, Eddie was always weird.”

She crunched the croûton only a little too hungrily.

The rest of the evening went surprisingly fine. Anne finished her meal, dried the dishes Dan had already begun cleaning, and gossiped. For how obviously fond they were of Eddie, Venom had quite a lot of mean anecdotes to tell about him, and Anne was too happy to retell them out loud for Dan's benefit. When they went to bed, it was with the illusion that this whole babysitting business would be uneventful.

But, much, much too soon after they got under the covers, the unthinkable happened.

Dan snored.

As often, Anne was worrying if she'd get any sleep at all, and that worry made sleep even more unattainable. She motioned to hit him, but held herself back. Every night he snored, and every night she held back on punching him awake. She'd fall asleep eventually. But tonight was different. The grating sound faded to a soft bubbling. What?!

She got up on an elbow, and watched thin black strings loosely hanging from her shoulder and converging into Dan's mouth. His throat seemed full of the substance, and with each breath, air bubbled in and out of it, passing it easily and, mercifully, almost silently. She whispered:

“That looks so wrong! Is this safe? I'd have imagined he'd wake up from that.”

“He did, the voice currently residing in her head explained, I had to numb his nerves to stop him from struggling.”

“Even if he doesn't feel it it looks disturbing.”

“I didn't say he doesn't feel it. I numbed his motor nerves, he's merely paralysed.

“Venom! Waterboarding is not a cure for snoring! Release him!”

The mass shrank back obediently into her. Dan sat up with a gasp and panicked in moderation. She almost ignored it, continuing to scold her headfriend: “Yes, you're right I wanted to beat him up, but I didn't want want, you know what I mean? I'd have eventually thrown him a pillow, not infringed on the Geneva Convention!”

Dan recovered enough of his senses to speak: “What did just happen now anyway?”

Anne took a deep breath and held it in, delaying the moment she'd have to tell the terrible truth. But there was no escaping it. She finally gathered her courage: “Dan. You snore.”

He reacted predictably: “I do not!

“But listen, Dan. Venom shut you up the nasty way because I was mad at you. But he's actually really competent at managing muscle tensions and stuff like that, he could fix you painlessly, too!

“I never snored though!”

She turned her back on him and pulled in more blankets than she needed, hoping to freeze his snoring denying ass. She muttered again: “The moment he's asleep, you fix him.

“There's nothing to fix, I don't snore.”

Ten minutes later, he was snoring again. There were certainly ethical issues about this, but they had already committed literal war crimes tonight, when silence fell again, she merely made sure nothing gruesome was happening this time, and seeing Dan breathing clearly and sleeping like a baby, she didn't pull at the single delicate tendril connecting to his throat.

“I gave him a few extra acetylcholine receptors to tone up a few muscles. The effect should last a couple of months.”

“Wow, I'll ask Eddie to drop you here more often!”

Anne woke up better rested than she could ever remember being. Dan also seemed quite energetic, singing badly while he prepared coffee.

“I stopped you from kicking while you slept, and I took care of that bladder business.”

“I don't kick while I sleep!”

If she had said this only two minutes later, Dan would have had coffee to spit out upon hearing the enormous untruth. He had to settle for snorting loudly.

“Not having to get up at four A.M. to pee was appreciated though,” she continued.

“Wait, how does that work?” Dan intruded, “Your kidneys should be working all the time, wimpy bladder or not. That sounds dangerous!”

The answer was for Anne alone to hear.

“Moving liquids around is easy, and Dan's bladder is large enough for two.”

Fine, entirely not weird.

Soon, she was sitting with her breakfast and a sensible serving of Eddie's cheap chocolates. The meal was somewhat spoiled by the symbiote questioning her ability to dose chocolate properly, but she held her end. “I eat this and you get the chemicals out of my stomach, that's how it works? Well my stomach won't keep a lot of this cheap paraffin laden insult to the concept of chocolate, and I'm not interested in barfing at this time in the morning.”

Her hand suddenly reached into the bag and slapped twice as much sweets into her plate than she had originally set aside. She even saw tiny black tentacles reaching out around her fingers to hold on to more than her own fist could contain. Angrily, she stiffened against further unauthorised use of her muscles. Dan looked amused, but still moved a little further away, just to be safe.

“You cannot stomach it, but we can. Don't you remember the last time?”

The last time... they had literally eaten a man's head. And the worst part was that, having experienced it through shared nerves, it had felt good. It was no big surprise that Eddie took part in it... more often than she liked to think. But then, that was Eddie, he was well known for having no dignity. This was not the day She-Venom would appear again.

She dutifully bit into one of the stale chocolate buds, tempted to call it quits immediately. Feeling her growing temptation to leave their half of the meal untouched, Venom attempted to control her hand again, but this time she was expecting it and bucked against it. They liked that woman for her fearlessness and inhuman stubbornness, but they had to admit that it was not always convenient. But they were up to the fight! Hands were... handy, but they had other options.

Tentacles abruptly emerged from her face, grabbed the chocolates, and pulled them in, mashing them against her tight lips. She pulled back, and Dan found himself slowly backing away from a fight that looked as entertaining as horrifying.

She must have continued her internal argument somehow because, after most of the chocolates had been scattered on the floor, she raised her hands in surrender.

“Alright, you can take over and eat these horrible things! But Dan has to look the other way.” Dan, in fact, did not look the other way. Not that he'd have had the time even if he had wanted to. As soon as the resistance vanished, darkness flowed out of Anne's skin, covering her figure, transforming it into a slenderer version of the dual monster that terrorised the city's criminal life. It was kind of hot, actually. A mighty clawed hand greedily reached for the scattered candy, but stopped its motion halfway. The grinning, monstrous face got suddenly sharper, if such a thing was possible, its features snapping into a rather good impression of Anne's resting bitch face. She was in control. The poor alien was used to Eddie's soft temperament, they were not ready for this.

Venom turned around, ignoring the treats, and opened the fridge. Dan could see their arm trembling as it reached inside, helplessly struggling against the merciless host's commands. It pulled out the kale and took it to the opening jaws. Agh! So many teeth! Dan pretended he was not a little turned on. The monster shuddered as it chewed the vegetable, obviously perceiving its taste as something revolting. Of course, Anne would be tasting it the exact same way, but she was that mean.

Then the woman was satisfied with the symbiote's punishment and allowed them their turn at driving their body. Strange how she took so much offense at them trying to make her eat more chocolate than she wanted, but seemed okay with licking the same off the floor. If nothing else, a lawyer should be upset with the outrageous infringement on such a fundamental law as the five seconds rule.

But again, they were tasting them together, whatever they felt from the chemicals they craved was added to the human's perception of sweetness, Dan could only imagine how intense that could get.

Anne, on the other hand, did not have to imagine it, and for a shameful moment, entirely surrendered control. In fact, when they caught the whole bag and stuffed it all in their mouth, biting through the plastic and drooling brown-stained saliva down their whole chest, it was her brain who gave the first impulse. She'd never admit it, of course.

They glared at Dan's not-listening-to-the-request-not-to-look face a moment before the symbiote melted back into her, fortunately taking the chocolate stains along with them and leaving her clothes pristine. Well... time to get ready for work, right?

“Will you stop this?”

“Mister Houde, we need to focus on your case. I strongly suggest you plead guilty.”

“He made me do it, it was practically self-defense!”

“That won't hold in court, I promise.”

“Stop clicking that damn pen!”

“Both of my hands are on the desk, sir. You can see them.”

Some times, an attorney had to deal with clients they didn't like. This one wasn't the worst kind, but it was hard not to look down on people who blamed their victims and expected the court to take their rationalisation for a defense. Anne had a hard time not laughing at his growing irritation. He was going crazy at the almost regular clicking noise, that could not possibly be coming from her empty hands, and nobody else was close enough to be the source of it. It wasn't long before his patience snapped, and he shouted:

“Fine, what if I plead guilty, then what, what can you do for me?”

Anne straightened her posture and began guiding him onto a more realistic defense strategy, to the continued sound of a pen clicking. And to think she had first tried to pry it back when a bored little tentacle had began fidgeting with it.

Later in the day, her work on regular cases advanced to her satisfaction, she moved on to a different file, a job she was consulting on. Her experience with the Life Foundation made her opinion valuable in some situations outside her current specialty. And, to her silent rage, her advice in this case was for her party to cut their losses and bargain for whatever scraps they could still get. Laws are intricate, obscure, and sometimes deeply unfair things. A good lawyer can find how to make them work against their own spirit. She was good at ignoring things such as the pen's continued clicking, but she did notice it speeding up. She paid it attention, then smiled for the first time in hours.

“Are you timing it to my heartbeat? That's unacceptably cute, you adorable little horror.

“You were thinking about us. The mental voice sounded hopeful. About this one time. The memory is still fresh, you recalled it many times.”

Anne stiffened. The symbiote had mostly respected her privacy so far, but if she allowed a part of her mind to daydream, she was basically broadcasting her most intimate thoughts, they couldn't look away. At least, she could count on them to understand. She waved her hands at her documents:

“Do you know what all of this represents?”

She assumed that the following silence was an invitation to keep talking.

“It's... hopelessness. This large company is shuffling its activities around, to get around labour laws and get rid of employees they don't have actual ground to fire, sometimes just abolishing their position, or shipping them to remote locations they know they won't move to. They'll have the union out by the end of the month, and they're coming for the remaining senior employees' collective pensions.
And you know what? They'll win. They planned their moves carefully, nothing they've done is actually illegal, their contracts are tight. Workers who gave their best years to that company will grow old in poverty. And I can't do anything about it!
So you caught me remembering that time in the woods! You played a mean trick on me, Venom. You can't let a person bite a thug's head off and then take that power away and expect it not to be missed! A lawyer knows about white collar crime, about untouchable enemies, that'll ruin thousands of lives and never face justice. Sure, I want to rip some heads off sometimes, that's nothing special!”

The pen gave a single, isolated click, its handler's mind finally latched onto something more interesting.

“Is this one of those 'want want' situations?”

Anne set out to type her conclusions, and sighed deeply.

“I don't know.”

Anne's mood was back to normal by the time she got home. It was a matter of survival, in a job that rubbed her nose into so much of society's dysfunctions, the ability to separate those feelings from everyday life was sanity's only lifeline. Especially today, when thoughts of heinous men and impunity made them hideously hungry.

“You know what? she said as she reached her door, You should discuss work with Dan instead. Given where you live, he'll probably find your insights about the human body fascinating. And maybe he'll have some tips to help you help Eddie survive his own eating habits. Oh! Talk of the devil!”

There was Dan, waiting for them near the entrance, arms folded, frowning, and with a steaming bucket at his feet.

“You, both of you, need to come over here.”

It was difficult to take the disappointed dad number seriously when it came from someone so naturally mild, but Anne made a point of respecting his sentiment, he wouldn't be making such a display for no reason. Or at least, to only grin a little, not laugh in his face. She took her shoes off and followed him in, bucket sloshing in his hand. He set it down in the dining room and pointed at an area of the floor.

“You will be cleaning up your mess. You can lick the floor all you like, but leaving it all sticky is not ladylike behaviour.”

“We are not sticky!” Anne reflexively protested.

“We huh? Funny how quick he grows on you, when most of what he does is be horrible. Well here's a thing you get to do as partners. I'll be watching you.”

“Yes sir!”

She perceived the indignant feelings, but didn't give them time to spill over.

“Listen, this is the closest thing to kink he's ever asked for and I want to encourage it.”

“I heard that,” Dan protested, “I'm right here!”

Cheered up by the prospect of seriously embarrassing Dan, Venom stopped protesting and coiled themselves around Anne. The mop was too short in their hands and they had to stoop to reach the floor, but they made a dutiful job of picking up their mess. It was sticky, actually!

“Pine scented soap, isn't this a nice touch? Doesn't this remind you of the woods?”

Dan assumed this statement was not for him, but they were spending more time than necessary on the task, and moved with a comically exaggerated hip swaying, and that was definitely done in his intention. He sighed.

“Listen, even if seeing my girlfriend as a huge scary monster was attractive in the least, making fun of me like that is not a turn on.”

It was a feat to fit two lies in a sentence that only contained one statement, but Dan was a smart man, he managed it.

“Can you stop now? This is getting weird and anybody could see you through the window.

“Weird? We're not the one who demanded to watch a great sharp-toothed alien mop the floor in a frilly apron.

“The apron was your idea! And it's not even frilly!”

They stopped for a moment, while fine tendrils grew out of their torso and curled up against the fabric's edges in a rough imitation of lacework.

“Now it is frilly”

Dan just gave up and left the room.

This wasn't the last time Dan would see Venom that evening, but the next instance was more pathetic than anything else. It startled him, though. They were on the couch, watching TV, when Anne's phone rang. Eddie had promised he'd call every day, after all. One second she was checking who was calling, the next second Venom's huge clawed hand tapped the touchscreen to accept the call.

“Eddie Eddie Eddie Eddie when are you coming back Eddie???”

How much fun they had been having in the last day was forgotten, now it was all pleas to get them out of this awful place, like a child who was having a great time at summer camp, but missed home so much. It felt awkward seeing such a fearsome being gradually curl up around the phone, keeping its formidable size and yet making itself look small like a child, clinging so tightly it was a wonder it hadn't crushed it yet. Dan was startled again when the call was cut and Venom roared in anger. He never understood where he drew the courage from, but a moment later he had one arm wrapped around the slick black body, while the other helped dial the phone again.

“The phone just lost the signal, don't wrap it so tightly and it'll work.”

The phone call was long, but Dan muted the TV and stayed within hugging distance in case comfort was needed again. When they finally hung up, Venom stared at nothing for a while. For a literal man-eater, they were such a sensitive soul. He sat closer and put his hands over theirs.

“You're not alone, you know. Anne and I are here, you're welcome in this house, and in a few days, Eddie will be done with the parasite pills and you'll be able to go back. It won't be long.”

The figure went from pathetic to terrifying again as it balked at the offensive word. The following growl was almost too low to make out the words.

“What are you implying?”

“That's what metronidazole is. It's an antibiotic but it's also good against parasites, it covers all the bases for 'bad sushi' situations. It's unfortunate that it turned out to affect you, I understand it must be humiliating.”

Venom looked torn between the desire to hug Dan, or kill him. Fortunately for the less-than-eloquent doctor, the thought of Eddie's disappointment if his friends got eaten tipped the scales and Dan only had to suffer a slightly too tight, slightly too tentacley embrace, before the symbiote sank back into Anne's body. She briefly looked sympathetic, but soon her expression shifted.

“Oh come on! You can't feel betrayed by a chemical! No you can't kill it, it's not alive! What's that flopping I feel in there? Are you sobbing? You can't be sobbing, you don't even have a diaphragm! Look you can be sad but this is just being melodramatic!”

After everything calmed down, Anne drove out of the neighbourhood to buy the next days' chocolate far from anyone who'd recognise her. She did not want to be known as someone who buys three kilos of cheap chocolate at once.

“We won't go crazy next time, right? Picking pieces of plastic out of my teeth made me gag.”

“We can give you other things to pick out.”

“This is some sort of innuendo but I can't figure out what it stands for.”

“Have you driven out here randomly, merely one block from the Hilton? Some of those you called the white collared bandits had to come from far away for the coming trial. It's the most likely place for them to stay. Your thought, not mine. You know their names, you know their face. Lets eat them.”

“Don't tempt me, Satan.”

Anne laughed, not thinking about the fact that this should not have felt like temptation at all, and drove home without spilling blood.

They ended the evening watching CSI on cable TV. There are, all things considered, worse ways to relax. Eddie was apparently also a fan of the show, and Venom complained that they had already seen that episode. Tough luck, they were watching it.

While Anne prided herself in her ability to focus despite all distractions, that skill did not apply to brainless TV watching, and Venom's demands for attention were intrusive. She realised she had lost track of the plot while also hearing about how Eddie had wanted to listen to the Hamster Dance song out of nostalgia, decided it was pretty catchy after all, and left it play on a loop the whole evening, which could maybe have been mildly funny some other time.

“Wait there, how did they end up suspecting the janitor again? I missed a part.”

“The crime scene is contaminated, they ran the DNA tests on his hair by mistake. In the end they'll find out it was just a very improbable accident, not a murder, but they'll get to arrest the fork manufacturer, so it's all good.”

“OH THAT DOES IT!”

She jumped on her feet and began pacing around.

“Spoilers? Really? CSI spoilers? This time you went too far. No more chocolate, no eating anyone at the Hilton, and... do we still have any kale?”

“Fool, don't you know how much I could hurt you from inside your own body?”

“I'll go for none at all. Eddie would be so upset at you and you won't have that.”

She felt the second-hand wince, but the damn parasite was resourceful. Suddenly, she screamed and ran out of the room. Dan sat still, too confused to truly be alarmed. Minutes later, Anne returned, face red with anger but, indeed, unhurt.

“The bastard is not done with toilet humour, for your information. What kind of person squeezes a lady's bladder?”

Dan couldn't hold back the chuckle and got a punch on the shoulder for it. Worth it. A few earlier words came back to him, though:

“What's that about eating people at the Hilton? I hope you weren't really considering any... you know... incredibly bad ideas? I'm starting to worry about your bond. You're eviler than your usual self.”

“Don't worry Dan, I'm not that easy to influence.”

“I wasn't talking to you, Anne.”

Eddie had finished his course of antibiotics, and waited an extra day to let the drugs wash out of his system. He had lost a little weight, but otherwise felt healthy now, and was coming to pick up his friend. He sped, and by dodging the corners he knew as favourite ticket trap spots, spent more time on the road than if he had taken a straight route at a legal speed.

He picked the freshly delivered newspaper from the ground before knocking, and absentmindedly read the titles while he waited.

Anne was still two whole meters from the door when it opened, a very impatient tentacle stretching from her arm and coiling around the doorknob. As she caught up, it moved and anchored itself on Eddie instead, pulling him in. Only the two humans' height difference saved them from smashing their head together. Venom's substance flowed back to its true host so fast Anne felt the tug at her organs, but after it was done everything seemed to be in its rightful place.

“What happened to saying hello first?” she scolded, part of her still expecting an answer. Hard to believe, but she'd miss the little abomination. Well then, she had to do it on her own:

“Hello, Eddie. Feeling better?”

Eddie jerked out of his thoughts but wasn't entirely alert. Their reunion held too much of his heart and mind.

“Hey you know what? Come sit down, I don't want you riding your motorbike at that level of distraction.”

She guided him to the living room and gave his internal cuddling session, or whatever was going on, a few minutes of privacy. When he was done, at least for now, he came back for an enthusiastic hug and thank you.

“So how did it go? Had any fun together?

“Aside from how he made me lick chocolate off the floor, stuffed a tentacle down Dan's throat, wouldn't shut up about eating people, and spoiled a CSI episode's ending, he was fairly well behaved.

“Spoilers, really???”

Eddie was silent while being told the other party's list of grievances.

“They threatened to withhold your treats? ... A frilly apron? ... Dan called you the p word? ... KALE??? How did you not end up killing each other?

“We actually had a good time,” Anne reassured, “you're free to drop him here any time you like. I know his misophonia has been stopping you from going to concerts like you used to, well I think you could go again, we'll manage. He's welcome.”

“He's great intellectual company, really, Dan added. It was chaotic at first, but under Anne's insistence we had long discussions about medicine, he's seen one thing or two about how bodies work on the inside that could be used to improve techniques. I'd be happy to hear more!”

“He certainly had novel ideas about debriding, didn't he?”

“Oh yes, he was all about debriding.”

Eddie felt like he was missing out on some context, but if it turned out they had enjoyed their time together after all, it couldn't be too bad. He realised he was still holding the newspaper, removed the rubber band, and laid it flat.

Wait a minute. “Debriding.” Did Anne and Dan believe he'd be thrown off by a big medical word? He was a journalist, for Christ's sake, knowing words was part of his job! Big time union busters conveniently disappear right when his voracious companion discovers an interest in picking at scabs?

“Dude, I'm totally buying kale on the way home.”

Revision help:

Alexisriversong

Strozzzi

Thank you both, without you this piece would have had many more typos! :)