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Peter could pinpoint the exact moment when he knew he was in love with Wade.
It sounded stupid and cheesy and ridiculously out of character for him to admit to himself, even in his own head, but it was the truth. He was Spider-Man, defender of New York City, the guy who could give and take hits without blinking an eye, and yeah – he was in love.
This was especially stupid because Peter and Wade weren’t even dating (yet, he kept telling himself). Sure, Wade was always making flirtatious remarks to Peter when they were patrolling, and they sure as hell spent plenty of extra time together hanging out eating on rooftops, but Wade didn’t even know Peter’s full name. Hell, he hadn’t even seen Peter’s face. There was no way they could start dating (yet).
And yet… Peter was still in love.
Looking back, there were a few moments when that fact should have been obvious. but he hadn’t quite picked up on it. Like when the first hot flash of anger flared up in Peter’s chest the time Wade had casually mentioned how little it mattered every time he died. Or the balloon of elation that swelled through his sternum when he brought Wade a tiny jug of maple syrup on Canada Day, and the look of complete surprise and joy on Wade’s masked face as he shrieked “Petey, you remembered!” and hugged Peter tightly. Or even the lurch of pure fear that made Peter’s heart plummet into his stomach when Wade had casually announced that he’d be spending a lot more time at his place in Bolivia from now on, so they wouldn’t get to see each other as much for a while.
All of those instances should have been like little alarms blaring in Peter’s head, announcing to his stupid brain that he was in trouble. If only his spidey-senses worked on relationships.
But they didn’t. Which was why those (insanely delayed) alarms were going off in his head now¸ as he sat next to Wade on a rooftop and listened to the merc babble endlessly. Peter’s brain seemed to short out for a moment, and he realized he wasn’t listening to a word Wade was saying because he was so busy freaking the hell out over his sudden realization. He tried to tune back into the conversation as quickly as possible so he didn’t miss anything, taking a giant bite of a pizza just in case a response was expected.
“—but like, the thing about Hogwarts houses is that it’s not just your value system that factors into it, right? It’s also your personality, like, obviously, but your actions have to count too. A Gryffindor is definitely gonna do things differently than a Hufflepuff sometimes. So when people are like ‘animals can’t be Sorted’ I’m like ‘that’s bullshit, because animals have personalities and take actions that are different from other animals’ see, Petey? Okay, like here’s an example. One dog might see a squirrel and be like, ‘dumb squirrel I don’t care about you there’s a cool smell over here I need to investigate’ (that would be like a Ravenclaw dog), and another dog would be like, ‘omg a squirrel! Gotta chase that goddamn squirrel!’ and run off (Gryffindor dog, duh). I don’t know if that makes like… any sense at all but I get so pissed off when people say you can’t Sort an animal because they don’t have value systems (okay first of all we don’t know that for sure), it’s like—”
Ten. Ten times he’d said it. Peter felt a grin spreading across his face and tingly warm gushy crap spread through his ribcage. He didn’t even know what the hell Wade was talking about, which almost never happened – Peter found himself genuinely interested in almost everything Wade had to say, and didn’t find the need to ignore the merc like some other people did. So it wasn’t usually a problem when Wade ended a rant and asked for Peter’s opinion. Until now.
“--I dunno. What do you think, Pete?”
Shit. “Oh, sorry Wade, I – uh –” Peter stumbled over his own tongue, trying to come up with an excuse that wouldn’t make him seem like an asshole. Or worse, a sap.
“You weren’t listening.” Wade’s face visibly fell, though Peter could tell he was trying not to let his disappointment show. Wade scooped a glob of pizza sauce from the front of his costume and sucked it off his finger nonchalantly. He leaned over the pizza box, looking for another slice, as he said, “It’s cool, I understand. Most people don’t actually listen when I talk, don’t feel like you have to—”
“No!” Peter practically shouted. Wade looked up, surprised. “No, uh – sorry, I just meant I was listening and I do actually listen all the time, or at least I try to, but –“
“But sometimes the weird shit I’m talking about makes no sense and is super boring, I know.”
“Dammit Wade, no – cut it out with the self-deprecating schtick, will you? It’s annoying and you’re better than that.” Peter avoided Wade’s stare, not wanting to feel (any more than he absolutely had to) the awkward tension that was practically rippling through the air between them. “Sorry. I just meant – if I don’t listen sometimes it’s not because I think you’re not worth listening to. It’s because I’ve got – other stuff – going on in my own head.”
“OMG you’ve got little boxes too?!”
“Wade, we’ve been over this. I have no idea what that means.”
“Right.”
They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. Which mean Peter (like the idiot he was) felt the need to break said silence. “I just meant – I don’t know. Never mind.”
Wade squinted at him, the white lenses of his mask and the knitted brow above them clearly conveying his frustrated confusion. “Is it like… a spidey sense thing?”
Peter couldn’t help it. He grinned to himself. Maybe he also let out a contented sigh, but it definitely wasn’t what he would call a dreamy sigh. Eleven.
“What is your face doing?” Wade asked, his furrowed brow deepening. He cocked his head to the side like a confused puppy. “Why is that—” Wade gestured at Peter’s entire body. “—happening right now?”
“What?” Peter asked innocently.
Wade snorted. “I’m not stupid, Pete. You’re laughing at me. And I wanna know why.” Wade’s voice deepened suddenly into a growl, rage simmering just beneath the surface. His body tensed and even though one hand was still casually holding a slice of pizza, the other was slowly playing with the buckle of a thigh holster, which Peter knew was where he kept a gigantic knife.
Peter knew Wade would never hurt him. Not really. But like Wade, Peter also wasn’t stupid. It was kind of Wade’s… thing to be unpredictable. And sometimes (when he was feeling vulnerable or sensed there could be a future threat) Wade could lash out. Violently. Suddenly.
“Wade, I promise I am not laughing at you.” Peter said calmly. “It’s… complicated.”
“What is?” The edge of desperate anger in Wade’s voice still hadn’t subsided. Peter would need to be very, very careful with what he said next.
“I – ugh. This is so stupid. You just – have you ever noticed that when you get excited about something, like really into it, you start saying ‘like’ a lot more? You said it eleven times in the last 5 minutes especially when you were talking about Harry Potter. And—” Peter gulped. “and I just realized – that was the only time I wasn’t actually listening to you. Because I was – um – focused on how cute it was that you kept saying ‘like’ and counting how many times it happened and it made me happy that you were so excited about what you were saying that you didn’t even notice. And I realized that happens to me a lot, because I really like listening to you talk and get excited about things and geek out. ‘Cause I think I might love you. Like… I’m in love with you.” Peter finished in a rush.
So much for being careful about what he said.
Wade scratched his head cartoonishly, screwing his face into an exaggerated expression of confusion. “You… like that I say ‘like’?”
“Uhhh… yeah. Among other things.” Peter looked at his feet, which were dangling over the side of the building, and scratched the back of his neck nervously.
Peals of barking laughter broke through the sounds of the city. Wade was cackling like a madman, holding his stomach and rolling onto his back. He pretended to wipe tears from his eyes and laughed harder every time Peter tried to say something to him.
“What the – dude, not cool! You can’t just – I just confessed – and you’re laughing?!" Peter sputtered.
Wade continued to roll around on the rooftop like a spasming puppy, howling with laughter the entire time. Peter drew the line when Wade “accidentally” rolled into the pizza box, smothering pizza sauce and various toppings around the concrete.
“WADE!”
Wade stopped suddenly, sitting up and staring at Peter as though nothing had happened. “What?”
Sliding his hands along the top of his head, Peter groaned as he mimicked running his fingers through his hair in frustration. “Did you even hear what I said at the end of my little rant?”
“Of course,” Wade said casually, picking a piece of crust out of his teeth with the end of his finger. “You’re in love with me. It’s cool.”
Peter felt his draw drop. “Well – I mean, do you have any thoughts on that?!”
“Uh… does that mean I’m allowed to touch your butt?”
“Alright, screw this.” Peter grumbled, getting to his feet and pulling his mask down over his mouth. He shot a web to the nearest building and swung off into the night, the city blaring below in a loud but soothing cacophony. “Make sure you throw away that pizza, Wade!” Peter called back as he swung off through the yellow glow of the streetlights and colorful flashes of advertising.
Peter managed to avoid seeing Wade for a whole four days after that.
Of course, that was mainly because Peter spent basically the entire time bent over his desk with his nose pressed to his newest web shooter alterations, updating the tech and muttering to himself. It wasn’t like he was specifically avoiding Wade – it was more like he needed to work on stuff in his apartment and if he happened to never see the rest of the city again that was perfectly fine by him.
Unfortunately, he forgot to count on the fact that Wade was a highly skilled mercenary who literally made a living hunting people down and killing them.
“Hey, baby boy,” a deep, quiet voice suddenly murmured behind him. Peter dropped his screwdriver and whipped around in his desk chair, raising his fist and immediately punching forward without thinking. “Ow!” the person whined.
“What the FUCK, Wade?!” Peter yelled as he realized what had happened. Wade was standing next to his couch, wearing his full costume (katanas and all) and rubbing his nose where Peter had just punched him. Peter tried to slow down his breathing and slumped back into his chair. “What are you doing here? How did you even find my place?”
“I think you broke my nose. Why’d you punch me?”
“Because you snuck up behind me and I’m a superhero?”
“Yeah, but I thought your spidey-senses would’ve told you it was just me.”
Peter paused to think about that. It was a bit weird his senses hadn’t alerted him to the danger of someone breaking into his apartment, especially given that Wade was possibly the most dangerous person Peter knew. Brushing it off as a fluke caused by his lack of sleep and hyper-focus on updating his web shooters, Peter chose to ignore the question.
“Answer my question.” Peter grumbled.
“Which one?”
“Any of them.”
Wade stared at him blankly. He was standing with his hands on his hips, like he was chiding Peter for being home after dark or something. It definitely wasn’t the posture of an ashamed man who just got caught breaking in and subsequently punched in the face for it. “I don’t know how to answer, ‘what the fuck’ – did you mean ‘what the fuck is wrong with you, Wade?’ or maybe ‘what the fuck are you doing in my apartment?’ or was it more like, ‘what the fuck is Zack Snyder doing to the DC cinematic universe?’”
Peter gaped at him. “The first two, obviously.”
“Oh, okay.” Wade leaped over the back of Peter’s couch suddenly, flopping onto it like he belonged there and sprawling with his boots on one armrest and his head on the other. “In that case, many things. And I haven’t seen you in a while so I just wanted to drop by to check in.”
“How did you even know where I live?”
Wade sighed exasperatedly. “Sweet Petey Pie. Gentle, innocent Peter. I’m a mercenary.”
“It’s not cool to break into people’s homes, Wade.”
“Noted.” Wade said absentmindedly, like this fact was news to him but it was news he didn’t care about. Wade picked up Peter’s TV remote and started playing with the buttons. “Anyway, you scuttled away the other night before we finished our conversation. And then didn’t meet up with me in our usual spot four nights in a row. I got worried, I broke in.”
“Oh, are you talking about the conversation where I embarrassingly declared my love for you and then you asked if you could touch my butt? That conversation?” God, even reliving it without a shred of detail was unbearable. Peter winced as he said the words.
“That’s the one.” Wade said cheerfully, now doodling hearts on the thigh of his costume with a pen he had found on Peter’s floor. He had pulled his mask up to his nose at some point but Peter wasn’t going to try and understand why.
“No, you can’t touch my butt.”
“Why not?”
“Because—” Peter released an angry groan. “Because you can’t just – break into my apartment and make fun of my feelings and ignore what I said so you can act like a horny teenager and—”
Wade sat up suddenly, leaped over the couch, and had his face inches away from Peter’s in seconds. “I wasn’t making fun of your feelings, Peter.” His voice was low and serious, face blank, body tense. This was the most intense Peter had ever seen Deadpool.
Peter took a step back and ran into his desk. “Sure as hell seemed like you were.” He tried to inject anger into his voice, but it instead it sounded hollow. Flat. Hurt.
“I wasn’t.”
“Noted.”
Wade seemed to realize he was making Peter uncomfortable and took a single step backwards. But his body was still taught with the intensity of his emotions. What those specific emotions were, Peter couldn’t tell – his normally expression-fueled mask was still blank.
“And I’m not a horny teenager.”
“Then why were you acting like one?” Peter pretended his voice didn’t break as he said it. He hoped Wade hadn’t noticed.
Wade didn’t answer. He was uncharacteristically silent. This quiet, focused, tense person wasn’t the Wade that Peter knew. It was making Peter more nervous somehow, and it felt worse than Wade’s mocking, even worse than his unpredictability. Because those traits were still Wade. This was… not.
“Mean, Petey. Gay-up rude.”
“’Gay-up?’”
“As a queer person I refuse to say straight-up.”
Peter couldn’t help it. Despite the fear fluttering in his chest, despite the intensity of Wade’s body language and the weirdness of his actions, Peter laughed. “That’s more like it.”
“More like what?” Wade was still speaking cautiously. Peter hated it.
“More like you.”
“What?”
“You’re being weird.”
“No I’m not.”
“Yes you are.”
“No I’m not.” A smile danced around Wade’s lips. Small, but present. It made Peter feel a little better. Also Wade was being annoying, so that was familiar territory.
“Yes you are.”
“Shuddup.”
“I win.”
“No you don’t.”
“Oh my god, dude.” Peter laughed again. “Seriously, what are you doing here?”
“Picking a fight because it was super-freakin-orgasm-inducingly-hot when you broke my nose. Sue me, I’m a masochist, so I really hope you’re somewhere on the sadist spectrum or at least willing to—"
“Wade.” Peter’s voice was sharper than he expected it to be. “Just – tell me what’s going on. For real.”
Wade stared at him silently. The intensity was back, fierce and quiet and weird like before. But somehow not uncomfortable this time.
“What, Wade?”
“I wanna… I wanna touch your butt, like, all the time.” Wade stammered. He seemed nervous for some reason.
Peter rolled his eyes and stepped forward as if to push past Wade on his way out the door. “You’ve got to be kidding me. This is what I meant by you acting like a horny—”
“Peter, wait—” Wade grabbed Peter’s arm as he tried to get by, clasping it gently but firmly just above his wrist. Peter couldn’t bring himself to pull it out of Wade’s grip, even though it would have been all too easy to do so.
Wade took a sharp intake of breath like he was getting ready to plunge into a frozen lake. “I meant like… I want to be your boyfriend. Like, I can’t believe you’re in love with me and so when you said it I was like, ‘AHHHHH NO WAY’ and I freaked out and I made a joke because that’s what I always do when I’m not sure what to do. And then you like took it as me making fun of you and that’s NOT what was happening at all, Pete, I swear. I should have said what I was really feeling which is that I like you a lot (like a LOT probably I’m in love too but let’s be real it would be way too OOC for me to just admit that right now) and I want to touch your butt all the time as your boyfriend. If you’re like okay with that. Or whatever. End of speech.”
Peter found himself grinning stupidly. “Seven.”
“I—what?” It was Wade’s turn to look confused.
“You said ‘like’ seven times.”
“So?”
“So, like I told you on the roof before embarrassingly declaring my love for you, you usually say ‘like’ a lot when you’re excited about something. Or passionate about it, or whatever.” Peter smiled and stepped towards Wade.
Wade grinned, causing his mask to bunch up around his cheeks. “Well yeah I’m excited about being your boyfriend, Spider-Dork.”
Laughing, Peter stepped forward so he was only a few inches away from Wade. “Okay, rule number one of being my boyfriend: don’t call me Spider-Dork.” Wade chuckled, and Peter surged forward to capture the merc’s lips in his mouth.
Wade kissed exactly how Peter expected him to kiss – like there was nothing else in the universe that mattered in that moment. This man was passionate and hot-headed and unpredictable and full to the brim with emotions – all the things that Peter loved about him the most, exemplified and amplified into the action of kissing Peter. It was unsurprising that that mouth (the mouth Wade was literally infamous for, the mouth that got him in and out of trouble more times than Peter could count) was able to reduce Peter to a needy, elated mess of a man.
Peter melted against Wade’s chest, pushing himself closer to the merc in a desperate attempt to get more of Wade somehow – they were a mess of lips and teeth and noses and warmth. Peter moaned, wrapping his hands around the back of Wade’s head to pull him down closer, deepening the kiss as Wade’s hands roamed down Peter’s back to settle on his ass.
Wade broke the kiss then, gasping for air, and whispered “My spidey-butt.”
Peter smirked. “That doesn’t mean you get to touch it whenever you want, though.”
Rolling his eyes, Wade pulled Peter’s face back toward him so they could kiss again. “Duh. I know about consent, Petey-Pie. But does this mean you’ll be my boyfriend?”
“Duh.”
“Gonna need a yes or a no, there, Pete.”
“Yes, oh my god.”
Wade squealed exaggeratedly in delight and lifted Peter off the floor by the waist in an enthusiastic hug. “Yesssss! Like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like like!”
Laughing as Wade gracelessly dropped Peter back onto the floor, Peter asked, “What’s that all about? And don’t say it’s all the Facebook likes from people once we announce we’re dating, because we are definitely not Facebook Official.”
“Okay, first of all,” Wade said seriously. But it wasn’t the kind of serious he had displayed earlier, there was no tightness in his muscles and his stare wasn’t as intense. “no one says ‘Facebook official’ anymore. Second of all, you know the fangirls would freak out if we ever made this beautiful budding relationship public. And third of all, you said you know how excited I am about something based on how many times I say ‘like,’ right?”
“Yeah?”
“So that was 17 likes,” Wade said softly, kissing Peter again. “Because I’m like… 17 times as excited about being your boyfriend as I’ve been about anything ever.”
Peter smiled as he kissed Wade again. He wasn’t sure it was possible to fall in love with someone twice in less than a week, but if it was possible, this would be the exact moment he fell in love with Wade Wilson all over again.
Sappy Spider-Dork.