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There’s someone outside Scott’s apartment, reeking of so much misery and regret that he can smell it even through the door. They’ve been standing out there for almost five minutes now, their chemosignals rising and falling as they try to get their courage up enough to knock. Scott’s stomach is twisting with worry.
Eventually the apprehension becomes too much to handle, Scott’s mind running wild with all the terrible possibilities, and he whispers as gently as he can, “You can come in, you know.”
The answering whimper has Scott yanking the door open in a hurry. It’s Liam.
Liam who’s shaking from head to toe, eyes glittering with unshed tears.
It reminds Scott of years long past, of hauling a terrified fifteen-year-old out of a well, and he’s pulling Liam over the threshold and into his arms without a second’s hesitation. “You’re okay,” he says, breathes it into Liam’s hair. “Whatever it is, you’re okay now.”
Instead of melting into the hug like Scott expected, Liam’s body stays rigid and unfamiliar, every muscle taut with tension. When Scott pulls away in confusion, Liam is shaking his head so emphatically Scott’s almost afraid he’s going to tweak his neck. “No, I’m not okay, I—” He grits his teeth, his gaze falling to the floor like he’s afraid to meet Scott’s eyes. “I fucked up.”
There’s something about the way he says it, the words soaked in despair and self-loathing, that makes Scott’s heart race in his chest. It’s different this time, there’s no rain or betrayal or bloodstained wrench, but Scott knows in an instant that he’s been here before. So he says, hands trembling where they hang at his sides, “Let me see your eyes, Liam.”
Liam flinches, squeezing them shut. It makes him look young and small and Scott’s heart aches. He did this to Liam. It’s on him. He’s the one that bit him and turned him and opened him up to this world full of violence and trauma and death. And now Liam looks positively broken and that’s on Scott, too.
So he says, reaching over to lay a gentle hand on Liam’s shoulder, “You’re not in trouble. Just—let me see them. Please.”
Scott knows even before Liam opens them that his eyes aren’t going to be gold. But he’s entirely unprepared for them to be blood red, glowing dangerously in the dim light of the kitchen.
Knees knocking together in surprise, Scott collapses into a chair, his own eyes glowing through no doing of his own. Liam’s an alpha – an alpha! – and Scott’s entire body feels out of control from the sudden shift in dynamic. “Holy shit.”
Liam must feel out of control, too, because that’s all it takes for him to start crying. “I didn’t mean to!” he says, hands held out in front of him beseechingly. His claws are starting to poke through the tips of his fingers. “I was just trying to get to the lookout point because Mason said something weird was going on with the electricity downtown, like with the Dread Doctors, you know? And this guy just jumped out of the shadows and attacked me!” He swipes his tears away in frustration, but more fall immediately. “He said he was gonna kill me, but I fought back as hard as I could and when it was over, he was the one lying there. I don’t even really know what happened.”
Then, before Scott’s very eyes, Liam crumples to his knees in the middle of the kitchen floor, his fangs dropping and claws scratching the linoleum as he shifts helplessly. “And now I’m like this,” he wheezes, looking up at Scott with horrified eyes, wide and wet and red as crimson.
Seeing Liam, his first beta and one of his best friends in the entire world, reduced to a sobbing, snarling mess at his feet breaks Scott’s heart so thoroughly and acutely that he has to physically press a hand to his chest to ease the pain. “I didn’t mean to!” Liam cries again and Scott is out of the chair like a flash, gathering Liam’s trembling body into his arms.
This time Liam lets himself be held, hot tears soaking into Scott’s t-shirt. “It’s not your fault,” Scott reassures him, nose pressed to the spot behind Liam’s ear. “You didn’t do anything wrong. He picked the wrong wolf to cross and that’s his fault.” Then, because he’s already made that mistake once and he’s never doing it again, he adds, “I’m not mad at you, Liam. It’s alright—you’re okay.”
“Promise?” It’s a desperate plea.
“I promise.”
Once Liam’s cried himself out, Scott wraps him in a blanket and leaves him on the couch just long enough to make two cups of hot chocolate. Despite the sickly sweet aroma that fills the kitchen, he adds extra chocolate chips to Liam’s just the way he likes it. Scott shakes his head fondly, nose wrinkling. The kid will always be a teenager at heart.
Which is why it’s so awful seeing him like this, hunkered down in the corner of the sofa like he’s trying to make himself small enough to disappear. His eyes keep flickering red, too overwhelmed with emotion to tamp down on it. He barely lifts the corner of his lips when he takes the mug of pure sugar from Scott’s outstretched hand.
“He was trying to get to you,” Liam says after a while, voice so quiet Scott has to strain to hear it. “Said even the strongest alpha could be weakened by losing their beta. I think he wanted to get me and Hayden out of the way first, then come for you.”
The wave of guilt that crashes over Scott’s body is so strong, it leaves him gasping for breath. There are so many things he wants to say, so many apologies he needs to make, but what comes out is, “Is Hayden okay? Is she safe?”
He needs to know. First and foremost, he needs to know.
When Liam nods, heartbeat steady with the truth of it, Scott chokes out a sigh. Then, remorse clinging to his body like a second skin, he says, knowing it’s way too late, “I’m sorry.”
Liam’s head snaps up in surprise. “Why are you sorry?” he says, eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “I’m the one that killed a guy!”
“Who was going after you because of me.” Scott’s lips are trembling. He tries to fight it, but it’s the middle of the night and there’s blood on his hands yet again and everything is just too much to handle. He feels like a kid again. He wants his mom. “All of this is because of me! I pretend like we can live how we want, that we can protect our friends and our town and keep to ourselves, but we can’t. Just existing as we are invites conflict, you know? It invites violence. And that’s not fair to us—and especially not to you who never asked for it. We never get to just live…we always have to fight.” He swallows hard around the lump in his throat. “It never ends.”
The room is suddenly flooded with shame so thick it makes Scott want to choke. Liam’s eyes are wet again when he says, “At least you’ve managed to fight all these years without ending someone’s life.”
The words break through the fog of Scott’s self-loathing and have him practically flinging himself across the couch to kneel beside his friend. “Listen to me,” he pleads hoarsely, hands scrambling desperately for Liam’s shoulders. “An alpha came after you and you survived. That’s a good thing, Liam! I’m sorry for what you had to go through and I’m sorry for the part I’ve played in it from the beginning, but I’m not sorry that you’re here right now.” He slides his hands up to cradle Liam’s face, smudging a thumb through a stray tear. “I’m proud of you.”
Liam sniffs, his eyes glinting red for a fraction of a second before they’re blue again. “I wish I could be proud of me.”
“You’ll get there,” Scott promises, knowing it’s true. Once the initial shock and terror wear off, Scott hopes Liam is left with relief. Relief and the knowledge that not only does he deserve to live, he deserves to live well. “And you’re going to be a great alpha. Mason, Corey, and Hayden already look up to you so much…I’m sure they’d follow you in a heartbeat.”
And Scott should probably feel guilty for how sad it makes him, the thought of their giant, wonderful pack splitting into two, but he doesn’t have a chance because Liam’s eyes go wide and the stench of anxiety spikes in an instant. “Oh gosh, I didn’t even think about that!” he cries, heart racing so hard it must hurt. “I—I don’t think I’m ready for that right now. Can’t I just—” He winces, his voice going breathy and high. “—stay with you?”
Scott’s misgivings disappear as quickly as they came and he can’t help the happy, weightless laughter in his voice when he asks, “You really want to?”
“Yeah.” Liam smiles for the first time since showing up at Scott’s door. It’s small and it’s shy, but it’s there. “If you’ll have me.” Then he shrugs. “I know packs don’t normally have two alphas, but we’ve never exactly played by the rules anyway.”
It makes Scott think about kitsunes and banshees and chameleons and humans with baseball bats and he can’t help the uncontrollable grin that spreads across his face. “We make our own rules,” he says, playfully knocking his elbow against Liam’s. “And I’ll always have you. You know that.”
“I do,” Liam agrees, cheeks pinking up the slightest bit. “But it never hurts to hear it.”
“I’ll always have you,” Scott repeats and when Liam’s eyes glow red, Scott’s do too.