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“I can’t pay for this.”
“A soft drink? That’s really out of your budget?”
“I wasn’t smart with my savings last week.”
Chris stared at him a moment, trying to figure out how Hank Anderson had managed to screw his funds over so bad be couldn’t pay him back for a Pepsi from the drink machine. Especially with the new ever present, ever concerned addition to his household thankfully keeping watch on him.
The silence stretched on between them, Hank not overly excited to share the reason of his poor spending endeavor, when finally Chris came to a pretty sound conclusion.
“Valentines Day?”
Hank nodded in resignation as he stared at the Pepsi Chris had put in his hand. He could feel the other man staring but it wasn’t anything like judgement or disappointment. More like curiosity.
Anderson’s love life was kept pretty secret and any case he worked with the Android looked as plain as a man and his partner. Nothing special, no lingering stares, no sentiments. Not even any jokes really since Connor didn’t often partake in them. That left cynical, calloused Hank to stand around scowling while Connor ran about analyzing things and looking statuesque.
Nothing....’special’ for them.
But it wasn’t an actual secret that they were dating, if that was the right word. The whole department knew. Even Gavin. You’d never guess, though, by looking at them. Robotic, stoic Connor and jaded, standoffish Hank. At least they were a fun bunch to watch at a crime scene; a very.....unique duo.
All that considered, Chris was highly interested to hear about this rather deep display of affection on Hank’s part was all about. He had just made a guess, a risky one, but it had surprisingly stuck.
“I....didn’t know what I was looking for. And to be honest....I didn’t care. So,” Hank shrugged.
“I just took a shelf.”
Chris’s eyebrows shot up.
“A shelf?”
“Yeah I mean, it had the basics. Stuffed toys, chocolate, flowers, cards. I just took anything red, white, and pink.”
Chris was speechless and the strange balance of regret and indifference that hung over Hank created this weird purgatory of a confidence in his choices as well as a resentment for acting so recklessly.
“Do androids like those sorts of things?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged again.
“That’s why I figured I’d try it all....well.....There was this ONE thing.”
Chris’s interest peaked again and he stared up at the taller man.
“One thing what?”
“One thing I got that I’m sure he’s gonna like. Pretty sure. 50, 50. I had to order it.”
Chris didn’t doubt Hank’s ability to read his partner, but he was doubtful about the logistics of Android attachments. Not to be nosy, but he wanted to know what could possibly attract a robot’s affections as so.
“Well.....What is it?”
Hank wet his lips, staring at the wall across the break room as Chris watched his face contort into something unreadable.
He didn’t say it was foolproof, after all, and that warning was a reminder for himself, too. He even logically admitted that this was only 50% a good idea and could easily backfire. Knowing all that, admitting it, accepting it, Hank still sat on his couch in near darkness entirely conflicted.
Valentines Day was here and this was the first time he had really honestly worried about it.
He told himself he’d done everything he could, that he’d covered all his bases. He’d even gotten Connor things at least a week in advance instead of most other schmucks that ran around the night before looking for last minute presents. Hank was really trying here.
He thought about the likelihood of Connor receiving them with the utmost pleasantness for his human’s attempts to woo him, whether he liked everything Hank bought or not. How he would be more concerned in Hank’s poor spending choices than he would be about his choices in gifts.
And still, Hank was worried.
All day since they had woken up, Connor had been buzzing. Since the moment he broke Hank out of a nice, deep sleep with his dumb, freckled face squishing against his chest, Connor was bouncing with excitement. He jumped out of bed, like he did most mornings, leaving Hank shivering when he took the blankets with him. Connor’s breakfast for him was made with lots of breaks to pat Sumo’s head and wide, heart eyed smiles when Hank finally trudged into the kitchen looking like death. He sat beside Hank on the couch while he ate, legs criss-cross and glancing happily over at him every now and then.
It was hard to explain, but, while this was basically all normal Connor, it somehow felt different today. Now, while it was beginning to turn into late evening, Hank was worried he was going to zap the energy right out of him with his poor attempts at a romantic holiday.
Connor was washing up what was left of dishes in the kitchen in that dumbass hoodie he liked to wear. It wasn’t Connor’s and, therefore, too big. Yet he had worn it everyday he spent around the house, proudly branded with the words ‘Spring Break’ on the back of it. Hank would have trashed that thing years and years and YEARS ago, and he had thought he had. But then Connor showed up in his house one day and stayed, cleaning and storing and organizing until he found it piled in a box in the back of Hank’s closet.
Absolute garbage.
But so nice looking when Connor wore it. You could see his shorts peek out underneath the hem, which Hank felt guilty for staring at.
When Connor put the last clean dish in the drainer, Hank knew that now was as good a time as any.
“Hey, Con?”
“Yes, Hank?”
“Come here for a minute....please.”
“In route.”
A pair of lithe legs suddenly appeared in his vision. Another thing Hank always felt guilty for staring at. Connor stopped in front of him on the couch, awaiting instructions.
“I...have something for you.”
The Android cocked his head. Sumo joined them in the living room with a bone in his mouth. Connor liked to keep him stocked with rawhide treats whenever he went shopping.
“You do?”
“Well...yeah.” Hank felt a little bad. Obviously he’d already fucked up their Valentines Day if Connor was surprised Hank had a present for him.
“Sit-sit down.” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling completely out of his element here. Guilt was his specialty, affection was not. And he could tell Connor’s naivety was going to make this difficult.
Connor joined him on the couch, legs close together as he turned to face him. He scanned Hank’s features in an obvious display that he was analyzing him. Hank was getting used to it at this point, and hopefully the information he’d collect might make him more aware of what was happening. That would certainly make Hank’s job easier, so it was most likely not going to happen.
“Listen, I know I haven’t been the best today, and that’s nothing to do with you.”
“You’re stressed, I can see that you’ve-“
“Let me finish.” Hank held his hands up. Connor sat perfectly still with his mouth shut.
“I haven’t been the best, but, I did manage to find some things. I did a little something for you while you were cleaning. It’s not much, though, so don’t expect anything grand.”
Connor’s brows furrowed and he blinked a few times. He didn’t appear to be scanning Hank for signals, though.
“That’s....fine Hank.” He sounded distant, which was unusual for Connor.
Hank didn’t know what that tone and look on his face meant. Seriously, he hadn’t seen it before. But staring at him wasn’t going to do him the same justice it did Connor. He couldn’t figure out his thoughts and feelings from just looking. If only it were that easy.
He stood and made a motion towards their bedroom.
“Come with me so you can see everything.” He tried not sound solemn, like he was bracing himself for failure.
Connor bounced up from the couch with more energy than Hank had ever had as a teenager, and sped past him towards the bedroom. It was a good sign he was so eager at least. He just hoped that magic would still be there after he’d seen the mess Hank had made of this romantic holiday.
He caught up and stood in the door way right behind him. He could easily see over Connor’s head and he assessed the array of flowers and chocolate and stuffed animals for himself, like he’d done 60 times already that night. He wanted it to be perfect for Conner, as perfect as Hank’s raggedy ass could make it because that’s what Connor deserved. Even now with the vibrant colors in his dingey house and toys galore, he still wasn’t sure.
He wasn’t sure what to make of Connor, either, who just stood strictly upright with his hands in fists. Staring. His LED was a whirl of yellow as he scanned the room with his eyes, computing. Processing.
Then he moved. He walked straight towards the center of the bed where there sat a box with red wrapping paper and Connor’s name on a tag. Just his name, no ‘love Hank’ or ‘to my dearest’ on it. A careless decision Hank throughly regretted now.
He picked it up and was about to scan it, too, when Hank blurted for him to ‘just open the damn thing’.
He did, very quickly. It wasn’t his usually carefully measured movements. It was eager, Connor ripping the paper clear off in seconds and opening the box.
Hank stood still as a horrible block of ice settled in his stomach, one hand on the doorframe. This was the moment of truth. Whether Connor would walk out on him for a hot secretary with some actual wooing abilities or stick around and love Hank through all his indignations. He felt like he needed to say something the longer Connor stared. Anything, maybe even apologize.
“It was really hard to get one of these. You have no idea, but I just...I hope it’s good enou-“
“WHAT IS IT.” Connor whipped around, clutching the oval of fur in his hands.
“Ugh, well...” hank still wasn’t sure how to read Connor’s reaction.
“There’s a switch thing on the bottom.”
Connor found it and flicked it on without even searching for it. It had taken Hank an hour after putting batteries in the trashy little thing to find it’s switch which blended perfectly in with the rest of the plastic around it. ‘Infuriating’ wasn’t the word and Connor SHOULD be thankful Hank hadn’t sacrificed it against the wall that faithful night.
Suddenly it sprang to life.
“Hi! I’m Furbyyy!”
Connor startled, eyes wide. He held it up towards his face like Hank did when he was trying to read something with impossibly fine print. Like the instructions for this crappy thing.
“I’m hunngrryyy!” It chirped, ears moving up and down in a show of the most prehistoric robotics in technological history ever.
Hank was about to say it came with a bottle thing in the box which Connor would have easily seen while unwrapping it, but instead he pushed his finger onto the tongue panel inside the creature’s beak.
It made noises like it was snacking and Connor slowly turned his head to meet Hank’s gaze.
At this point he REALLY didn’t know what to make of Connor’s reaction. He was holding it out like it was a vial of Ebola and staring at it like it would infect him.
It’s ears continued to move up and down and its giant lifeless eyes blinked. The sounds of the motor and wires moving were loud and horrendous. It was like the static old TVs made when you turned them off. Outdated and nightmarish.
“I guess I should tell you these things have their own language. It’s stupid. Just, you can talk to it and it will eventually ‘learn’ English. Uh, prepare to spend a lot of time with it, though.”
Connor whispered,
“I will.”
Like he’d been given the task of deactivating a bomb.
Hank’s eyebrows shot up. Before he could say anymore, Connor left the bedroom with the furby in hand and Hank to stand there in confusion.
He watched Connor’s back disappear into the bathroom and shut the door, eyes glued to the furry device in his hands.
Hank didn’t hear him lock the door so he didn’t feel a sense of dread exactly, but he figured for whatever reason he should leave him alone.
It was late now. The stars were out and fresh snow was beginning to fall. Still no sign of Connor and about three hours had passed. Hank was content to watch tv until he was ready to talk.
He knew Connor pretty well, even his crazy, inhuman responses to things, and this didn’t feel like some silent retreat out of anger or disappointment. He was pretty certain Connor wasn’t mad about his lame Valentines’ presents, but at this point he WAS concerned he had just vanished after seeing them.
He tried to give him space for another half hour, but Hank was actually more eager to spend time with his partner on this holiday than he would have liked to admit.
Probably against better judgement, Hank made his way to the bathroom and knocked on the door a few times.
Connor answered immediately.
“Come in.”
He did and instantly regretted it.
The furby was perched on top of the sink, staring down at Connor who was sitting with his knees against his chest and arms wrapped around them tight. Staring up at the faux furred creature.
“Con..... you ok???” Hank knew he should have checked on him sooner.
The furby‘s ears perched up, eyes darting around as it began speaking some sort of gibberish. Connor turned to look at Hank, mouth drawn in a smile like a cat. His eyes sparkled.
“Excellent.” And it may have been the first time since they started dating 5 months ago that Connor had shown teeth. He stood and took the furby off the counter.
“I’ve efficiently taught it everything it needed to know. I’ve been able to decipher its own special language as well.”
Hank listened, mouth drawn in a thin line.
“It can even sing and explained most of its lyrics are from its own dialect, and would prefer not to sing them in English.”
“.....you learned all that from a furby?”
“Yes, of course!”
Of course? Hanks brows furrowed.
“Listen!” Connor grinned wide as he pressed a spot on the furby’s back. Immediately, it began to speak.
“Doo-mah,” Connor turned to Hank with a serious look
“that means ‘please’.” and turned back to the furby.
“I want to play.”
“Doo-mah wants to play!” It repeated and made a weird sound like a cry of excitement and a scream.
Hank stared in slight horror.
Connor beamed.
He began to switch between a series of petting its head, pressing its stomach, and shielding the sensory crescent above the device’s eyes.
After lots of movement and gibbering, it started to sing. Something tribal and horrid and humanly uncanny.
Connor turned to Hank looking like he’d just won the lottery and Hank stared back.
The creature sang and even ‘danced’ when Connor put it back on the counter with the Android watching with rapt attention.
Truly, honestly, Hank just didn’t know what the fuck to make out of all this. It seemed....pretty good. Fantastic even, since Connor had maybe never smiled so much before. But he didn’t know what to say for once, and a lot of that was out of amazement. Amazement for Connor and he didn’t know why that was precisely.
“This is what you’ve been doing for 3 and a half hours?”
“Well I finished feeding it information a few hours ago, but then I got distracted.” Connor said sheepishly. His glittering eyes dulled a bit as he stared shamefully down at the floor. He realized his response to Hank’s gift was initially not what a human probably desired to see, but he was so......ENCHANTED. He had just accidentally left Hank there without an explanation.
“Don’t be sorry.” Hank read him easily, scoffing in disbelief. He was fairly certain this meant Connor loved the little device and he would take his weird disappearance on Valentines Day to covet at a toy in absolute wonder than skulk and be upset at him any time.
“I wasn’t sure you’d like it.” Hank finally muttered, eyes darting between the furby murmuring what sounded like a lullaby possibly and Connor’s adoring gaze.
“Of course I do, it’s perfect! I have loved to have met my predecessor in robotics on this day. I love this Hank.” His eyes were shining, this time staring in adoration at Hank instead of the demonic metal thing on the sink.
“But, why did you get it for me?”
Connor shifted uneasily, fearing the answer would be grim as he would most certainly not understand it.
“It’s Valentine’s Day.” Hank shrugged.
“That’s what all the other gifts were for. Did you forget about it?”
Connor’s face lit strangely in a mix of wonder and disbelief.
“They were for.....all those were mine?”
“Yeah... it’s...it’s Valentine’s Day.”
Hank shrugged again as if it couldn’t get more obvious. It COULDN’T actually. And he didn’t know what Connor was on about.
Connor continued to blink, mouth hung open.
“But...Valentine’s Day is for...couples.”
Hank froze. His eyes turned dangerously over towards Connor as he searched the shorter man from head to toe. He had a bad feeling in his gut, now.
“Yeah, Con. It is.... and we’re a couple.”
As he thought, he got a very surprising answer.
“You and I are a couple?!”
“Connor where the hell have you been for the last 5 months? We’ve been kissing and sharing a bed.” Granted it wasn’t anything more than that, BUT STILL.
Connor stared dumbfounded. He looked between the furby and Hank, then distantly, probably remembering the array of presents on Hank’s bed that were meant for him.
“We’re a couple.” He murmured again.
Hank was getting too old for this, HONESTLY.
“Dammit Connor, what have you been thinking this whole time?!”
He didn’t answer, only threw this arms around Hank’s neck and buried his face in his chest.
He stood startled, a hand coming up to hold the androids’s lower back, but he didn’t say anything more. Just wondered how the two of them could both be so impossibly stupid.
Of course Connor would love Hank’s present, and of course Hank had been dating him this whole time.
His eyes fell shut and he rested his head on top of Connor’s, ignoring the jitter of dance moves and furby lingo screaming from the counter.
Valentines Day was a pretty huge success and Connor’s hugs were becoming more desperate he noticed.
When they were in the living room later, watching Connor’s car porn shows and petting Sumo who lay across Hank’s lap, Hank watched from the corner of his eye as Connor coddled the ridiculous furby creature in his arms and talked to it like it was watching his show with him.
Treating it like it was something so special and significant.
Hank didn’t tell him he’d went on and gotten him the zebra furby for Christmas, just in case he’d liked this one. Connor really did not need to know these things could actually talk to each other just yet.