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A Cover Is Not The Book
Ariel has never been to the movie theater before. It’s big and noisy, and there are posters with people she’s never seen before in her life on the walls. It’s nothing like watching a movie all snuggled in bed with her CoCo and Wavy, but it’s all kinds of wonderful because of the popcorn.
While Auntie Nonna had called the salty treat overpriced, Mama rolled her eyes at her sister and said it was a special treat for Ariel’s first movie outing.
As her Wavy places her in the giant recliner chair, Ariel looks from side to side. Alice is on her left, and CoCo is on her right. Safe. Nothing bad is going to happen. She stretches out her legs and peers over the seat at her cousin who is happily munching on popcorn.
Alice has been to the movie theater before. She knows the rules. Tell an adult if you need to pee. Whisper. Don’t stand up on the seat. They are going to watch Mary Poppins Returns. Last night, Ariel sat in between CoCo and Wavy in her pajamas and they’d watched Mary Poppins. Ariel liked the movie but enjoyed playing with Waverly’s hair while watching it, more.
COMING SOON TO A CINEMA NEAR YOU.
She nearly jumps out of her seat and clings to Nicole as the giant movie screen begins to talk. Nicole reaches into Waverly’s bag and pulls out Ariel’s noise-canceling headphones. After she places the headphones on her little girl’s head, Nicole rubs Ariel’s back and pulls her onto her lap. So much for personal space, but she wouldn’t give it up for the world if it means that Ariel is comfortable and happy.
The reason why they’re watching the movie about Mary Poppins is because Wavy and CoCo can’t stop talking about some lady named Emily and how pretty she is. Ariel listens closely but doesn’t understand who Emily is. There’s Mary Poppins and Jack and the children, but no Emily.
Ariel likes all of the songs in the movie and the pretty costumes. She doesn’t understand why the people talk in funny voices like they do in Doctor Who , and cuddles her head into her CoCo’s chest so that she doesn’t have to see the scary, animated wolf.
Ariel looks over at Alice who seems more engaged in her popcorn than the songs.
She knows that her cousin would be brave enough to go on an adventure with Mary Poppins, but Ariel isn’t so sure that she would go, because she’s not courageous like Alice is. Maybe they can go on one together, like the Banks children in the movie.
As the movie comes to a close, Mary Poppins flies away and Ariel is confused. Alice practically jumps out of her seat as Aunt Wynonna exclaims that it was the longest movie ever.
Upon hearing her sister’s chide remark, Waverly glances over at her foster daughter. “Did you like it?”
Ariel clicks her tongue and glances sideways. “Uh oh.” Her gaze doesn’t quite meet her CoCo’s eyes.
“Guess not,” Nicole says, smoothing down one of Ariel’s pigtails and lifting her daughter from the seat. She presses a kiss to the top of her head and notices how Ariel wraps around her like a vice.
“Uh-oh.” Ariel reaches out for Waverly as Nicole carries her out of the movie theater.
“Are you feeling okay, Ariel?” Ariel nods at her Mama as her Ma stares in her direction. She doesn’t like when her Mama or her Ma wear their weird faces because their normal faces are just as lovely.
“Ice cream?” Before Ariel can say anything, Alice taps on Wynonna’s arm and puts on her best smile. The kid probably learned the bit with the eyes and the smile from her father, and God knows Wynonna can’t resist Doc Holliday’s smile or eyes. Carbon copies of both features stare up at her. She wonders if the baby inside of her belly will look like Doc. She kind of hopes so.
“Ice cream? You just ate popcorn. You really want ice cream?” Wynonna stares down at her daughter.
“ You just ate half of my popcorn, My Nonna. It doesn’t count. Plus Ariel wants ice cream too. I know because I’m the Ariel whisperer. I know exactly what she wants to say, even if she doesn’t know how to say it.”
Wynonna crosses her arms and glares down at her daughter. “I have my sonogram tomorrow you know. The doctor’s going to tell me to stop eating all of this crap.”
Alice throws her arms around her mother as she jumps up and down excitedly. “You’re going to find out whether it’s a boy or girl! Daddy told me that he wants a boy but… I kind of want a girl.”
Wynonna smirks as she looks down at her daughter, who dressed herself to the nines for the movie theater. Plastic princess shoes adorn her feet, and a silver tiara sits on her head. She’s wearing one of the three thousand princess dresses that she and her cousin share. Alice is way too cute to say no to, and it’s becoming a problem.
Ariel doesn’t eat any of her Strawberry ice cream, (her new favorite flavor) that they pick up on the way home from the theater and Waverly is convinced that the little girl must not be feeling well because it is unlike her to turn down the frozen treat.
“I’m going to have to eat it all by myself, Ari.” Nicole tries to make a joke as she moves the plastic spoon full of pink toward her mouth. As she swallows the bite she feels uneasy about her daughter’s lack of a reaction. Ariel shrugs, and her tiny purple tiara falls off her head, and onto the kitchen floor
“Uh oh , Nicole.” She brings her knees to her chest and lowers her head into her lap. Ariel has never called Nicole well, Nicole in the entity of time she has been with the Earps. To Ariel, Nicole had been CoCo at first, and then Ma. Sometimes she’s still CoCo, or a C and an O pinched together with tiny fingers in sign language when Ariel doesn’t feel like using her voice.
Nicole puts the lid on the ice cream, spoon in the dishwasher, and the plastic cup in the freezer as she looks at Waverly. Something is bothering Ariel, and it’s more than an ache from a tiny tummy full of buttered popcorn. Waverly leans her head on Nicole’s shoulder and pouts. Her eyes crinkle up as Nicole places a kiss on her cheek.
Ariel scoots down from the chair and toddles over to Nicole and Waverly with her little purple walker and iPad. She opens the TouchChat App, and an artificial voice fills the void of Ariel’s silence.
I want.
I want.
I want.
She looks through the People menu and taps on the pictures of the nicest faces in the world with her thumb.
I want Nicole.
PAUSE. TAP.
I want Waverly.
She shoves the iPad at Waverly as her Mama bends down next to her with a concerned look on her face.
“Say goodbye, okay?” Her chin wobbles and red pigtails fall into her eyes as her small body shakes. She’s got her Wavy’s attention. She tries her hardest to meet Nicole’s eyes because that’s what Ms. Gardener tells her in school. Meet someone’s eyes when you talk to them. It makes them remember you. Ariel so very much wants Nicole Haught and Waverly Earp to remember her.
“Goodbye? I’m not going anywhere, Princess. I’m right here, and so is Waverly.” Nicole gets down on her knees and steadies the little girl’s wobbling chin.
“Mary Poppins .” Ariel appears flustered as she wraps her arms and legs around Nicole.
Stay Ma. Stay.
“ Mary Poppins doesn’t say goodbye.” The realization hits Waverly like a ton of bricks as she speaks what her daughter is thinking aloud.
Ariel’s eyes widen and she tugs on her Wavy’s hand. She doesn’t need her device to say what she’s thinking, of the intrusive thoughts that have burdened her mind. “Mary Poppins
left
after she helped the kids. Maybe Nicole and Waverly leave too.” She stumbles on her words as she says
Wavery,
and pronounces Nicole as
Nico,
but it doesn’t matter.
Ariel may be a tiny girl, but she’s got a mighty mind full of thoughts that aren’t always the kindest. Her thoughts haunt her and ridicule her and make her feel queasy in her tummy.
“You help me so much…. walking and my talking and my homework,” Ariel says, fiddling with a lock of red hair.
“Does that mean you’re going to leave me, too?” She thinks back to last week when CoCo and Wavy had helped her with math homework and counting by twos for hours. They weren’t even mad when she didn’t understand how to solve the problems at first. Her Mama and Ma were proud that she tried.
Because of CoCo and Wavy, she’s becoming faster on her feet, both with and without the walker. Walking takes practice, Wavy always says.
They’ve created a new game to help Ariel walk. Nicole holds onto her right hand, and Waverly her left. They walk around the Homestead hand in hand and tell Ariel stories, to keep her mind off of the pain. Sometimes they’re silly stories about Auntie NoNo or ones about Rapunzel and the Princesses. However, Ariel’s favorite stories are the ones about Nicole and Waverly. She likes to hear about the time when her CoCo dressed up like a Christmas elf to make Wavy laugh, or the time when CoCo rescued Wavy from a garden like a knight rescues a princess.
(Ariel doesn’t understand why Mama couldn’t just walk around the Homestead and come in the front door if she was stuck in the garden.)
“We don’t leave each other in this family, Ariel. I promise. One time your Mama had to leave, but we fought like hell to get her back.”
Ariel grabs her device and spells out H-E-L-L.
Bad, says the automated voice, and Ariel gives Nicole a look.
“I know. I said a bad word. But this time, I mean it. We don’t give up on each other. We practically can’t leave a room without hugging each other.” Nicole looks pointedly at her little girl and starts to tickle her.
“We would never leave you, baby. It’s like we’ve turned into Full House, and… I’m okay with that.” Waverly giggles and Ariel squeezes her hands together and flaps them in front of her eyes.
If only they could make their little girl understand how much they love her, that the words they say and the actions they show her are not temporary.
Happy.
You’re happy, Ariel.
She continues to flap her hands, and no one tries to stop her.
Part II
The following day, Nicole picks the girls up from school, which is a huge surprise, considering her work schedule. Alice expects My Nonna to pick her up from school, and show her the new pictures of her baby brother (or sister). Over the course of the morning, Alice has polled her entire Kindergarten class, and the consensus is that five children want her sibling to be a boy, whereas ten want Wynonna to have a girl.
“Where’s My Nonna? Where’s Daddy? Do you know what it is?” Nicole is bombarded with a million questions at once after she pulls up to the car line. She thanks Mercedes for buckling Ariel into her car seat and hands the girls a box of TimBits she’d picked up on the ride over to the school.
“Al… your Mom is at home. She needs to be with Aunt Waverly right now.” Nicole looks at Alice’s puzzled expression in the rearview mirror as she drives toward the Homestead.
“Is my baby okay?” Alice breaks her chocolate TimBit into two, and hands half to Ariel, who shoves half of the treat into her mouth without saying the magic words. “You have to sign thank you, Ariel. It’s polite.” Exasperated, she takes the TimBit out of Ariel’s mouth and waits for her cousin to sign to her. When she does, she pops the snack back in.
“Everything is going to be okay, Alice. I promise. The baby is fine. ” Alice has a feeling that Aunt Nicole isn’t telling her the entire story, but doesn’t push it because of the glorious TimBits in her possession.
Aunt Wynonna is sad because of the baby inside of her belly. At least that’s what CoCo said when she’d asked fifty-three times ago. In school, Ariel learned that sad happens when a person’s face goes upside down. Aunt Wynonna has been in her room all day, and Ariel and Alice aren’t sure if she’s even left to go pee.
Mama went upstairs hours ago to talk to Aunt Wynonna, and Ma is downstairs on kid duty. It’s one, two, three weeks into the New Year and Ariel doesn’t know why her Aunt is sad if people are supposed to be happy and show smiles on their faces at this time of year.
All Ariel knows is that Aunt Wynonna and Uncle Doc went to the doctor’s office this morning, and Aunt Wynonna disappeared into her room as soon as they got home. Alice inferred this information because she’s going to be detective when she grows up, just like her mom. Well, first she’ll be a princess and then a detective if time allows.
“She still sad?” Ariel asks, squeezing her hands together. Nicole nods while helping her daughter flatten out the cookie dough with a rolling pin.
“Aunt Wynonna will be okay, Princess.” She hands her foster daughter a cookie cutter shaped like a Christmas tree and helps her push it into the dough. Christmas cookies at the end of January don’t seem right, but everything feels off today. She wishes she could see her Mama.
“Will the cookies help My Nonna?” Alice scrapes the excess dough from the cutting board and mushes it into a ball. Nicole tugs on her niece’s Elsa inspired braid and kisses the top of her head.
“Your Mom has never been one to turn down cookies, Al. I think she’ll love them.” Alice throws her arms around her Aunt Nicole’s waist. “Will my baby be okay?”
“Everything will be okay, Alice. I promise. Your Mama will explain everything when she’s ready.”
“Something must have happened to my baby, Aunt Nicole. You’re not telling me because I’m little, but I can take it. I’m brave.”
Nicole wishes she didn’t look so guilty.
Mrs. Earp, before I tell you the gender, I want-
Ms. God. Ms. Earp. No Mrs. here!
Ms. Earp, the results from your genetic testing are in. It appears that your cells didn’t divide correctly after fertilization-
Great. He knocks me up and screws me up.
Ms. Earp, should you choose to continue the pregnancy it appears that your baby will be born with Mosaic Trisomy Twenty-One.
Should I choose to- Trisomy Twenty-One?
It’s commonly known as Down Syndrome. It appears that the fetus will be born with-
I- need -my- sister. Doc get my- Doc… go… please… I… I… WAVERLY!
I want to let you know that many people with Down Syndrome thrive, but should you not want this baby, you have opt-
I-want-my-Waverly.
Wynonna comes downstairs with Waverly a half an hour later, Doc trailing behind. He puts his arms around Wynonna’s waist and presses a kiss to her hair.
Aunt Wynonna’s eyes are glossy as she pulls a white box out of the refrigerator. Inside the box is a white cake with yellow frosting that boasts the question, WHAT THE DUCK IS IT ? in pink and blue icing.
“Do you want to know?” She glances nervously at her daughter as her sister presses her hand to the small of her back. Wynonna knows the gender because the doctor told her. Wynonna also knows that she’ll never give up on either of her babies because she’s a hell of a good Mom. The cake is placed on the dining room table as Doc hands Alice a questionable looking knife with a beat up handle.
“You can do the honors, Miss Earp-Holliday. Your Mom tells me that you cut into the cake. It’ll be blue if it’s a girl, and pink if its a boy… You were my little girl, dainty and delicate in blue.” He steadies the knife in his daughter’s hand and places his hand over her own because six-year-olds shouldn’t use knives by themselves.
Suddenly, unable to contain herself any longer, Ariel reaches into the frosting and grabs a fistful of blue cake. Waverly snaps pictures like crazy, and Alice appears appalled that her cousin stole her moment.
“Girl!” Ariel exclaims. “Blue means girl!”
Alice isn’t even mad. Sister. She’s going to have a baby sister.
Doc pulls Alice onto his lap as Wynonna sits next to them at the kitchen table and takes her daughter’s hands in her own. “Yes. You’re going to have a baby sister. Daddy and I need to talk to you about her, sweetheart.” Relief washes over Wynonna’s face as she squeezes her daughter’s hands.
“Can I name her? Me and Ariel can come up with a super good name. We were thinking Rapunzel or -Rainbow Dash -or-”
Waverly pulls Ariel onto her lap as she and Nicole join the rest of the family at the table. She hands Ariel her beloved Rapunzel doll to play with, not sure of how much Ariel will understand.
Rapunzel Earp would be a good one. Nicole puts her arm around Waverly’s chair and a quick kiss to her cheek. What a morning.
“Well… Daddy and I were thinking that you and Ariel could maybe pick out her middle name, cutie. We have a couple of name ideas for her first name.” Wynonna nuzzles Alice’s cheek with her knuckles, hesitant to speak.
“Your sister is going to be born with Down Syndrome, Alice. Have you heard those words before?” Doc steadies Wynonna’s shaking knee.
Together. Together. Together. Alice shakes her head as she looks at her mother for an explanation.
“Down Syndrome means… it means….that the baby will be born with an extra chromosome. I know, science. I don’t get it either…. It means that your baby sister is going to do everything that you do, Al. I swear. We’re going to make sure she has every chance in the world. She might do it in a different way, and it might take her a little longer but-” Wynonna tightens her grip on Alice’s fingers.
“Will she be special like Ariel?” Alice’s eyes widen as she looks over at her cousin. It’s almost like My Nonna is describing Ariel. Ariel can do anything that Alice can do because Alice
helps her.
Ariel can go down the slide. (She just can’t climb the stairs).
Ariel can talk. (She just uses her iPad or Sign Language when she doesn’t want to use her voice).
Ariel loves other people. (She just has two moms that love her rather than a My Nonna and Daddy for herself).
Ariel doesn’t seem much different, she just does things differently. It doesn’t mean that she’s anything less than Alice’s best friend in the entire world. If her baby sister is anything like Ariel, Alice is going to be lucky to have the two best girls in the entire world as her friends.
“She’ll have two eyes and a nose and a mouth, just like you. She might look and act a little differently as she gets older but… she’s going to be such a special gift to our family and, I know you’ll be an amazing sister because you’re already a fantastic cousin to Ariel.” Wynonna breathes deeply.
“Will she look scary?” Alice tugs on her father’s sleeve and makes a face.
“She’ll be as beautiful as you.” Doc presses a kiss to the top of his daughter’s head.”
“She’ll just need extra help with things like Ariel does?” Alice reaches for her cousin’s hand across the table. Ariel takes her unicorn chewy out of her mouth and smiles at Alice as she taps on her device.
ALICE IS MY FRIEND. HELLO. ALICE. HELLO.
“Yup,” Wynonna answers, cradling her daughter’s head to her chest.
“Are you scared, My Nonna?” Alice stares into her mother’s eyes, full of tears. Her mother is brave, and bold, and beautiful, but Alice knows that even grown-ups get scared sometimes when they’re faced with a situation they don’t know much about.
“I’m nervous, yes. I’m nervous of what people will think of her, and I’m anxious that people won’t always be kind to her and she won’t have the same opportunities that you do. But… I know that you are going to be such a wonderful sister to her, so it won’t matter what other people think.”
Alice nods up at her mother, and then looks at her like she’s crazy. “I’m going to be a good sister, and Ariel is going to be a good cousin. You’re gonna be a good Mommy, and Daddy’s gonna be a good Daddy. Auntie Waverly and Auntie Nicole will love her too. That’s already six people who love her. Plus, she’s an Earp, so Earps are automatically awesome.”
“What did I do to deserve you?” Wynonna breathes in the scent of her daughter’s hair and cuddles her close to her chest.
“A cover is not the book,” Alice says. “Like in the movie yesterday. You can’t judge a person’s story before you know them.”
Wynonna breathes a sigh of relief. She’s confused as to why her girl has to go through this but she truly believes that her baby will be as much of a miracle and a blessing to the Earp family as Ariel is.
Her baby’s story isn’t written yet, nor does it have to match up to anyone else’s.
For the first time since this afternoon, she isn’t scared of the future because of the people sitting at the kitchen table who surround her, particularly her daughter who shows kindness in the face of adversity.
As she pulls out her phone to show the rest of her family the sonogram photos, Ariel puts her hands on her CoCo’s face and looks her Aunt Wynonna in the eye.
“Baby in your tummy?” she wonders aloud, looking at the fuzzy photo. Jack was on one of those once upon a time.
“Yes, Ariel. This is a picture of your baby cousin who will be born in-”
“Oh.” Ariel smiles and holds the phone close to her face before handing it to her CoCo. She types on her device.
STEVIE.
“Stevie? That’s cute. Where’d you come up with that name, Ariel?” Waverly grins and rocks her daughter back and forth because sensory integration soothes her.
The little redhead bobs her head back and forth and her curls nearly escape their pigtails.
“Stevie from Fuller House had a baby. Remember?” She looks at her Mama like she’s crazy.
“Yes I do baby, and you’re right, but her name is Stephanie.”
“Oh,” Ariel says, pawing at the phone with her fingers. “I like Stevie already because she’s cute and little like me.”
Part III
It should be known by now that Ariel Earp absolutely, positively refuses to go to sleep if both her Mama and her Ma do not tuck her in, give her three kisses on each of her cheeks, and read two books to her. After their nightly ritual, Ariel still has a tough time falling and staying asleep.
Therefore, it’s evident that the tiny non-sleeper stays in the bedroom with her Mama and Ma at least a few nights each week.
Tonight, she’s lying with her Ma because Mama’s in the bedroom with Aunt Wynonna. It’s nine-thirty and she’s been tossing and turning for an hour, ramming her little legs into Nicole’s side and little-freckled arms splay wildly through Nicole’s (now dyed red) hair.
“You’re not sleeping, are you?” Nicole asks, wrapping an arm around Ariel’s tiny body. Ariel stills, and snuggles into her CoCo’s chest.
“About yesterday, kid. I know you might not understand what I’m about to say to you, but you don’t need to do anything special to be a part of this family, and to be loved, Ariel. Mama and I love you no matter what happens, and we’re never going to leave you. Nor will we let you leave us.”
Ariel touches her CoCo’s cheek and tries to meet her eyes. “Love.”
“Even when you’re a teenager, okay? You’ll stay with your Mama and me and we’ll shu anybody who tries to date you away.” Nicole giggles at her own joke. “I love you more than Auntie NoNo loves donuts.”
“Okay, Ma.” Ariel sits up and points to the bedroom door. “Donuts. I’m hungry.”
“Midnight snack?” Nicole lifts her daughter out of the bed and hoists her on her hip. She supposes a few TimBits never hurt anybody.” Ariel lifts her Beauty and the Beast nightgown over her head. “All dry. No accidents.”
Nicole pats Ariel’s bottom and smiles at her little girl. They’ve started to use disposable nighttime diapers to ease her embarrassment of wetting the bed.
“You are dry, and I’m proud of you for telling me you had to pee before we laid down. But, if you weren’t dry, do we get upset over accidents?”
Ariel shakes her head and points to Wynonna’s bedroom. “Wanna say hi, to Mama, Ma.”
“You’re right. Mama and Ma don’t get mad about accidents, because that’s just what they are, accidents.”
Ariel tugs on the edge of Nicole’s pajama shirt as she steadies her on Wynonna’s bedroom floor. Waverly is cuddled into Wynonna’s side, fast asleep, hand over her protruding belly bump. Wynonna’s asleep too, arms wrapped around her sister. They look snug.
Ariel points an accusatory finger at Nicole. “You said that we can’t leave a room without hugging each other. It’s like Full House. We didn’t kiss Mama and Auntie NoNo goodnight. ”
Nicole shakes her head and helps Ariel walk over to the bed. The little girl pushes herself next to her Mama and wraps her arms around her waist. Nicole slides in behind Ariel.
From left to right in a perfect line is:
Nicole, and Ariel, and Waverly and Wynonna, and Stevie safe inside her mama’s tummy.
In a few minutes, Alice will pad into the bedroom and snuggle herself into her mother’s chest.
In a few months, the newest Earp will be born.
In a few months, the tiny girl with the red hair will become an Earp, albeit the disastrous home visit that is yet to occur.
But for now?
They sleep.
Author's Note: My favorite little girl in the world has Down Syndrome, and she is nothing less because of it. She's bright and bubbly and makes everyone she meets fall in love with her giggle and smile. She likes sleepovers and dance class just like any other child her age. Most of all, she is selfless and kind, and I have been honored to work with her and be on the receiving end of her artwork and good morning hugs. She has so much to offer the world, and she's going to change the world one day, just you wait....
Wynonna's Gender Reveal Cake inspiration:
