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Tony glares at Peter.
“...Okay, maybe my point isn't coming through so clear.” Peter clears his throat. Tony huffs, busying his hands with his coffee cup. “Look, all I'm saying is that ever since... Ever since the snap, you haven't been the same. Romantically, I mean.”
Tony gives the boy a withering look. “Yeah, did you ever consider that I'm just old, Parker?”
Peter gives a grin at that. “Come on, Mr. Stark. You'd never let that stop you.”
Tony rolls his eyes. “You need to stop worrying about me and my love life and start worrying about your BioChem grade.”
Peter immediately clams up. “Did May tell you? Look, it's all Ned's fault, really, I...”
Tony, bringing up the subject simply to lessen his embarrassment and knowing fully well why Peter didn't do his Midterm presentation because him and May had tea just yesterday, let's his mind slightly wander off, because, well — now the kid is noticing.
It's not exactly that Tony isn't... Not interested in dating again. Or no strings attached sex. His libido hasn't even changed with time (what, do you think he's your everyday middle-aged male, no, his dick is under his command ) and saving the world doesn't ever get unattractive to civilians, but, just — Look, he falls in love with Pepper, falls in love with Someone Else, then they both blow his heart to bits a couple of times, then Pepper accepts his shitty engagement effectively helping him feel better about Mysterious Other Person, but then Pepper turns into dust, and even though Tony and his old superhero boy band totally save the day and bring her back to life, apparently they're both getting too old for this and literally no one on earth were surprised when Tony Stark and Pepper Almost-Stark-Potts had cancelled the wedding.
Stupid, purple aliens.
So Tony's taking a break. Unless some tall, perfect, strong, blue-eyed, self-righteous, brave, heroic blonde is planning to come sweep him off his feet — He's keeping them planted in celibacy.
And Peter, and Rhodey, and Vision, and FRIDAY, and Bruce, and Pepper, and Happy, and Strange with his secretly therapeutic ways, can suck it.
Peter's waving a hand in front of his eyes. “Mr. Stark? Do you want me to do it?”
Tony blinks. Bats Peter's hand out of his face. “Uh — Yeah, sure, go for it.”
Peter blinks, surprised, before a mischievous grin slides over his face. He takes his phone out of his pocket, grinning at it. “Okay, Mr. Stark, I'm doing it.”
Tony's eyebrows furrow before he shrugs. “Good for you.”
Peter just shakes his head, still smiling wide.
———
“Try it out.”
“No.”
“Give it one go!”
“No, Sam!”
“What could it possibly hurt, Steve?”
Steve grumbles. “I'm not going on a dating app, Sam.”
Sam bridles. “It's not just 'a dating app', Steve! It's the dating app! It has a widespread questionnaire that literally questions your every decision and need and gives you honest people and results!”
Steve sighs. “Sam, how honest can a computer be?”
“Tons!” Sam insists. “Steve, you lived with a robot butler for years!”
Steve frowns. “That's Tony's tech. That's a completely different type of technology.”
Sam gives him a frustrated, but pitying look. Steve sulks.
It wasn't exactly a lie — Steve hadn't been very… active in the romantic aspects of life. Or the sexual ones. You see, Steve fell in love with Peggy first. And that ended so abruptly and really — Steve just gets depressed thinking about it, especially after Peg's death, even though he knows she wouldn't want that, but he also knows that she knew him well enough to know that he was going to anyways, and, well — Now he's depressed again. Anyway, first it was Peggy. Then it was… Let's just call him — uh , them, Object of Steve Rogers’s Affections Ever Since 2012. Object of Steve Rogers's Affections Ever Since 2012 was kinda like Steve's love for Peggy, just more — boom, y'know? It was like five minutes in with T—Object of Steve Rogers's Affections Ever Since 2012 and Steve was already so… Intrigued by them. And then they didn't get off on the right foot, then after that it seemed that Steve couldn't manage to get the right words out, then eventually Steve kind of completely ruined their relationship, and, well — Steve gets an even higher amount of Depressed Thoughts when thinking about his and Object of Steve Rogers's Affections Ever Since 2012’s relationship.
Steve sulks more.
I miss Tony, he thinks.
“Said that out loud, Stevie,” Bucky says as he enters the room. Steve frowns harder, eyebrows furrowing, as Sam groans.
“Well, I do,” Steve huffs. Bucky shoots him a Look. Steve ignores it.
“Can we please go one conversation where we don't bring up Mhmm Mhmhm?” Sam asks. Nat, who closely followed Bucky, rolls her eyes.
“Are you still trying to use that codename so we can talk about Tony without Steve going all sulk-y?” she questions, throwing open the fridge and taking one of Bucky's yogurts out. Bucky squints at her, opening his mouth, but just slumps in defeat.
Sam nudges her with his foot as she walks by. “Don't say the name!”
“Sam, you do know that I always knew who you were talking about?” Steve glances at Sam as he grabs one of Bucky's yogurts as well. Bucky doesn't even muster a reaction.
Sam shakes his head, frowning. “Why do I even try with any of you emotionally stunted potatoes?”
“Hey, I wanna be a banana, I like bananas,” Bucky complains, and Sam glares at him.
“No, you're all potatoes,” Sam argues. “But especially Steve! Guys, please help me convince him to go on FlickLove!”
Natasha perks up. “Ooh, the dating app? Are we attempting to get Steve to date again?”
“No, we aren't.”
“I've heard of FlickLove,” Bucky nods. “Steve, you should try it out.”
Steve squints at them. “Is this choreographed?”
Nat sends Sam an apologetic look. “I told you he'd know.”
Sam sighs. “And I told you no improv!”
Bucky shrugs when Steve looks at him next. “I do agree, though. You should get out there, get over... Mhmhm.”
Steve leans against the counter. He's doing his Steve Is Very Disappointed In You look, and the three other people in the room sink in their seats.
“I am getting over it,” Steve starts, voice stern and being a total liar . “Tony — Iron M — Stark's being incredible to us by helping clear our names, preparing our move into the compound, and allowing us to live anywhere close to him. I'm not going to ruin that by letting my... Feelings get in the way. In addition, I — ” He inhales, sharply. “I understand where you're all coming from. Although I think you should've let me come to you for guidance, I do agree that I should maybe... Try and date someone, or, uh. Y'know. So I will voluntarily do the questionnaire thingy with you all.”
His three best friends gape at him. Steve flushes.
“So? I know for a fact that we all have nothing to do, so let's get this thing started.”
———
“Mr. Stark?”
Tony doesn't look up from the circuit board. “Yeah, kid?”
“How much do you like facial hair on your partners?”
Tony glances up. Peter's concentrated on his own circuit board. Tony looks back down.
“Uh. Well, generally, I like clean shaven, but I don't mind the occasional gruffy look. Weird question, Parker.”
Peter shrugs in Tony's peripheral. “And so, you, uh. Identify as bisexual?”
Tony's head shoots up. He shifts. “Do — Do we, uh. Do you need to talk to someone, Peter?” Shit. He does not want to have this conversation with the kid. “'Cause Bruce is just across the hall.” That's much better.
Peter's own head flies up. “No! No, Mr. Stark, no — I. I'm comfortably heterosexual, I was just. Y'know. Smalltalk.”
Tony gives him a searching look, then shrugs. “M'kay. But yeah, I guess I identify as bisexual, though pansexual might be a better fit. And by the way, I wouldn't be so sure with that heterosexual thing till you knock a guy. Don't tell your aunt I said that.”
Peter makes a somewhat confirming noise in the back of his throat. “Right.”
———
“What's your sexuality?” is the one of the first questions. Steve shifts in preparation, clearing his throat.
“I'm — I am bisexual,” he states clearly, and Bucky grins at him. Steve grins back, flooded with memories from before the war, when they admitted to each other that they both occasionally glanced in a fella's direction.
Nat and Sam ask several more mandatory questions that they definitely knew themselves about him, before they get onto ones that they have to check with Steve.
“We don't need to ask him that one,” Nat mutters, scrolling past one question on the list.
Steve hmphs. “Uh, yeah, you do. I want to answer all of them with complete honesty.”
Bucky grunts from behind a Seventeen magazine from 2013. “Make sure to put emphasis on the whole Captain America behavior thing.”
Sam shrugs. “How much do you like facial hair on your partners?”
Steve feels his chest ache. “I — I like it a lot. Y'know, maybe the, uh. The styled goatee isn't a total problem. A look that says something, right? Stands out?”
Nat sighs. “That was just sad. Anyway, if/when you do find someone, are you still going to have this whole 'I miss Mhmm Mhmhm' beard, or are you gonna go back to the clean, not-a-hobo look?”
Steve frowns. “I think... If someone's interested, and I'm interested back, I'd probably shave. Just makes me feel better, y'know?”
“And good riddance,” Nat fake-whispers to Sam before typing in a few things then scrolling along.
———
There's an aborted, high-pitched noise from across the room and Tony looks up.
Peter's cheeks are burning red, but he's still working hard, just glancing at his phone every few seconds.
Tony lets it go, going back to his own work.
Until a minute later, the kid makes another squeaky noise that Tony has to acknowledge. “What?” he asks, exasperated.
Peter shrugs, cheeks a bit red. “Is Mr. Rhodes around the compound anywhere?”
Tony blinks. “Is there... Is there a reason you wanna see Rhodey?”
“Lots,” Peter exhales, and Tony can tell he's not lying, just not telling the full truth.
Tony clenches his jaw, then steels himself. “Peter, if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here, okay, you don't need to go to Rhodey — ”
Peter shakes his head frantically. “No, Mr. Stark, honest, everything's fine with me! I'm just... There's... Things, that I need to know, that he knows a lot about.”
Tony's eyebrows furrow. “Like military stuff?”
Peter nods in relief. “Stuff like that. That he knows a lot about, y'know.”
Tony nods slowly. “Okay... Okay, uh. FRIDAY, where's Rhodey, right now?”
“Colonel Rhodes is currently in the common room, attempting to beat Doctor Banner at chess.”
Tony grins at that. “Hey, tell him that Peter Parker's coming to ask him some questions about being in the military and tell Bruce that Rhodey always goes for his opponent's queen first.”
“Right away, Sir.”
Peter laughs, heading towards the workshop lab. “Thanks, Mr. Stark.”
“Sir, Mr. Rhodes has sent an... Expressive recording,” FRIDAY reports back. “Would you like me to play it?”
“Shoot.”
“ FUCK YOU, TONY !”
Tony winks at Peter. “There's a warm welcome there for you now.”
Peter huffs, but he's smiling and he isn't flushed like he was earlier so Tony counts it as a win.
———
Sam's cheeks heat up.
Steve leans over, trying to see the screen. “What is it?”
“No wonder they said NSFW,” Natasha laughs, and Sam clears his throat, cheeks still pink.
Nat skillfully dodges Steve's attempts to peer at the StarkPad, but let's Bucky see it when he tries. Bucky spits out his juice, effectively soaking his magazine.
“Shit,” he says, and he scratches the back of his head. “The answer's no on the first one, but the rest are all yes.”
Sam gags. Nat arches an eyebrow. “How do you know?”
“Stevie and I have no secrets between each other,” Bucky says mysteriously, and Steve shrugs when Natasha looks at him for confirmation.
“What were the questions?” he insists.
“You'll see when you look over the answers at the end, okay?” Sam shudders. “Let's just move on, please.”
———
Peter walks back in, a smug smile on his face, and Tony cocks an eyebrow up.
“You were gone for awhile,” he remarks. “Got what you needed?”
Peter makes a show of clicking a button on his phone screen, and Tony's eyebrows raise even higher. Peter smirks wider.
“Exactly what I needed,” he tells him.
Tony squints at the kid before looking away. Honestly, why does he even try?
———
Steve checks the last question. He exhales.
“Okay,” he confirms. “Looks good.”
Sam inhales. “We're finished. Ready to be sent out in the market?”
Steve looks at him, then at Nat, then at Bucky, who grunts and shrugs.
“Submit it,” Steve tells him.
Sam clicks the button. Nat grins.
———
“How long till he gets paired up?” Mr. Rhodes asks, and Vision looks in askance as well.
Peter sighs. “It could take a while. This is a really fancy, private dating app, believe it or not, and they take their time pairing only compatible people. They also do background searches, but I already sent in a video of Mr. Stark talking about FlickLove, so they know he's actually him. See — He's got a little red check to his name to confirm his celebrity status.”
Vision, Mr. Rhodes, and Dr. Banner make an 'ahh' sound.
“Anyway,” Peter continues. “They go through all their eligible people, apparently, and make sure that Mr. Stark will get nearly exactly who he's looking for. Rumor has it that people have gotten no matches because FlickLove's honest enough to tell them that they need to clean up their act.”
Dr. Banner frowns. “That'd be depressing.”
Mr. Rhodes shrugs. “Means it'll do Tony good, though.”
Peter nods in agreement. “Exactly. Honestly, Mr. Stark can get zero to a hundred matches, but that could be overnight or throughout next week.”
Vision purses his purple lips. “Well, please do make sure to tell us when there's any progress, Mr. Parker.”
“Of course,” Peter promises.
Dr. Banner clears his throat. “Should we tell Tony now?”
The two men, one robot-dude, and one boy look at each other.
FRIDAY makes a noise that sounds far too much like a clearing of the throat. “Based on my observations of Sir, I'd advise against that, Dr. Banner.”
Everyone immediately nods in agreement.
———
“Just tell me if there's any news, okay?” Steve says, handing the StarkPad back to Sam.
Sam smiles, warmly. “Of course, Cap.”
Steve can't help but grin back. “Now, we've gotta start tying things up here since we're moving back to the compound. This place was nice for after the war, but we... We belong in the compound. Right?”
Nat gives him a soft smile. “Yeah.”
“'Course,” Sam dismisses him, and Steve can see that he's already playing that colorful game with the fairy and the candies.
Steve looks to Bucky, who shrugs. “Anywhere my goats and I can be.”
Steve laughs.
———
Ding!
Peter glances at his phone.
FlickLove
Congratulations! You've been matched with four other eligible users.
Peter's eyes widen.
———
Ding!
Sam curses the notification that falls down from the screen as he's momentarily distracted from his game, his player falling down the side of the cliff. He gives a second of mourning, before swiping the notification bar down, picking up his strawberry milk to take a sip.
FlickLove
Congratulations! You've been matched with three other eligible users.
Sam chokes on his milk.
———
“We're all here?” Peter asks, counting heads.
“Yeah,” Mr. Rhodes says, hands held in anxiety.
“Yes,” Vision retorts, leaning against the wall with fake casualness.
“We're here,” Dr. Banner smiles nervously.
“FRIDAY?” Peter orders.
“Sir is currently under the pretense of looking for you in Captain Rogers' wing of the compound, but he is in reality tidying up the rooms in anticipation for the Saturday move-in.”
Mr. Rhodes rolls his eyes, and Vision sighs. “The first reason as to why this is critical for Tony,” Dr. Banner mutters.
Peter grimaces. “I agree that Mr. Stark has always been... Caught up, with Captain Rogers ever since I met him, so I think it's about time we do something about it. That being said — last night I was notified with a list of four people who FlickLove has decidedly paired with Mr. Stark. Compatibility is apparently rated from least at first to the greatest in the end. When I finish reading them out, I thought we could vote on who sounds the best for Mr. Stark. Yeah?”
All of them nod, and Mr. Rhodes' jaw clenches. “Read 'em out.”
———
Sam clears his throat. “Thank you all for meeting me here today.”
Natasha stares at him while Bucky squints.
“Wilson, why're we in a broom closet?” he asks.
Sam sighs. “Because Steve has super soldier hearing, and I... Don't really wanna do this in front of him.”
Natasha twitches. “Guys, I'm serious when I say I'm not interested in the whole threesome idea.”
Bucky chokes.
Sam scrunches his nose up. “Ew! No, last night when I was playing Cliff Help, I got a — ” he waves his StarkPad around, “ — notification, if you know what I mean.”
Natasha stares. Bucky squints.
Sam groans.
“Guys, from FlickLove!” he hisses. Their eyes widen in realization. “Steve's got matches!”
Bucky leans forward, eagerly. “Really? How many?”
“Three,” Sam says excitedly. “Google says that sometimes people get zero, so I think he's doing good!”
Natasha's got her own type of excited smile on her face, but she's eyeing the StarkPad. “Why aren't we doing this with Steve again?”
Sam huffs. “Because how many times has Steve listen listened to us? You know him, Nat! He's gonna get excited looking at these names, and find someone he likes, then think about Mhmm Mhmhm and then suddenly think that this FlickLove thing was a stupid idea, and that can't happen, 'cause I spent all my StarkBucks that I earned through taking surveys for three years straight just to buy the membership for the app!”
The two others think over his words. Nat looks at Bucky. Bucky shrugs. Natasha hums. “Read them out.”
———
Peter takes a deep breath, then flicks open the first electronic envelope. “Your — Sorry, Mr. Stark's first match is with Eliza Huang. She's 39 years old, lives in rural New York, and has a ten-year-old daughter named Iris. Her husband died in Afghanistan nearly eleven years ago. Miss Huang's a historical fiction writer, and has been nominated for and won a variety of writing awards. She needs someone who can help raise Iris, but also knows their limits. The rest of her information is private, unless we decide we wanna pick her.”
Peter shows a picture of the woman, and the three men chew over the information, before motioning on for the next match.
“Mr. Stark's second match is with Riley Chapman. A transman aged thirty-two who lives in Harlem, New York City. He's... An adventurer. He works for the Atlas Adventures magazine and is one of the most anticipated stories in each issue because of his recklessness. Red checkmark included, ooh. He has a prosthetic leg because he gave his first one up for a baby elephant during a poaching fight in Africa. He needs someone who is okay with being in love, but can also bend to him leaving for months at a time. Again, we'll have to pick him for more information.”
They react similarly, Peter giving them a good look at Mr. Chapman and his daredevil grin, before he goes on to the next envelope.
“The third match is a woman named Mariah Gonzalez, aged forty-three, who lives in Manhattan, New York City. She's founded twelve orphanages throughout Mexico, seven homeless shelters throughout the southern American border, and five help centers of some kind throughout the east coast. In a span of only twenty years. She's the CEO of the company Equality First, and sponsors nearly two dozen young minority groups every year. In addition, she participates in a training center for young women learning self-defense. She's... She's looking for a partner who can keep up with her, can respect her, but can most of all learn more about her than just the surface. And she's got a red check by her name.”
Peter shows them the image of the beautiful woman, and Mr. Rhodes lets out an exhale. “Sounds like Tony's kind of partner,” he says vaguely.
Peter can't help but nod in agreement. Miss Gonzalez sounds like one of a kind, but there's still one last envelope, and apparently that's who Mr. Stark is even more compatible with, so...
“One last one,” Peter says firmly. “And they're supposed to be really good, so.”
Dr. Banner leans forward in his seat.
Peter flicks the envelope open.
He blinks.
He looks at the picture. He looks at the red check next to the name.
Peter faints.
———
“Okay, guys, this first one is someone he's compatible with, but the last one is the one he's the most compatible with,” Sam tells them as he flicks open the first envelope. He clears his throat. Eyes the picture. Nods.
“First one's a thirty-seven year old woman named Mary Briggs,” Sam says, giving them a look at the woman with her brilliant smile and large, brown eyes. “She owns a bookstore in Sleepy Hollow — ”
“Creepy,” Bucky shudders. Nat stomps on his foot.
“ — an online bookstore, and has made over fifteen different free apps for multiple levels and subjects of education. Apparently, she's tech-savvy, got a doctorate in tech-something-something, which apparently turns Steve on, right?”
“More or less,” Bucky agrees.
“People like her, too, because she has a list of awards on here for humanitarian stuff. She also is one of the founders of the Forget the Face Foundation aka the FFF which has given out over five hundred sponsorships to minorities around America since it was made in 2001. Damn, I like her, now,” Sam exclaims.
“This is for Steve ,” Nat protests. Sam sighs.
“Yeah, yeah.” He scrolls a bit more. “Lastly, it says she wants a man who’s polite and respectful, but not overly traditional, and one who can appreciate her, but not only for her achievements or money.” Sam squints at the award list. “Which I bet she has boatloads of.”
Natasha nods, slowly. “It’s hard to weigh it out since I haven't actually met her. No more information?”
Sam shakes his head. “We have to pick her if we wanna know more.”
Bucky hmphs. “That’s stupid.”
Natasha rolls her eyes. “You just wanna know more about her because you're nosy. Go on to the next person, Sam.”
Sam obliges, flicking open the next envelope.
“Okay, so we got thirty-three year old, Ella Andrews,” Sam says. He scrunches up his nose. “That’s younger than Steve. Steve likes older people, right?”
“Steve’s only like liked Peggy and Mhmhm so far as to think about spending his life with 'em, but Peggy was younger, and Mhmhm was older, so,” Bucky shrugs. “Stevie likes who he likes.”
Natasha frowns. “Why are we using Tony's code name? Steve's not even here.”
Sam sighs, shaking his head. “Anyway, Ella enrolled in NROTC and went through the program while she got her master's degree in mechanical engineering in four years flat. Once she got out, she immediately was a ground Marine where she worked her way up to Captain before she was honorably discharged because of injury. She's got a heart problem.” Sam pauses.
Nat purses her lips. “Don’t say it.”
“Steve does like people with heart problems.” Sam says it. Natasha reaches behind her, grabs a roll of paper towels, and throws it at his head. Sam barely ducks in time.
“Anyways!” he continues, grinning. “She went back to the world, hooked a job for some engineering firm, and, like she seems to do everywhere, climbed her way up to the top, working for — Holy shit. I know this lady!”
His two companions arch a brow.
Sam laughs, excitedly. “Uh huh! She’s one of the owners of that prosthetic company! Guys, she basically gives away metal body parts for free . She uh, she’s actually worked with Mhmm sometimes.” He gnaws his lip. “To be honest, I think she's the head of his prosthetics division.”
Natasha sends him a Look. “You think ?”
He shrinks. “She is, it says so right here.”
The two groan.
Sam shakes his head. “No, guys, this could be good. She's a firm, brilliant woman who makes a living on making less fortunate good guys’ lives get better . Sure, she might work for Mhmm, but that almost guarantees that she's a good lady because of that hell of a background check that SI does! Plus, maybe someone who works for Mhmm might be a good separation of… dreams and reality for Steve, y’know?”
Bucky glances at Natasha, who's frowning. She sighs. “You kind of have a point. A really bad one, though, Wilson.”
“I’m working on it. By the time I deliver it to Steve, he'll be sold,” Sam winks. Nat grins. “Also, she’s another doner. There's a whole list of charities.”
“Sounds good for Stevie,” Bucky admits. “Lemme see the picture.”
Sam shows them the woman, whose hazel eyes and dark skin pop. Natasha lets out a whistle, and the two men look at her, surprised. She shrugs.
“This is for Steve ,” Sam mimics, and this time Nat throws a near empty Bleach bottle that he fails to dodge.
“Why does she got a little red check next to her name?” Bucky asks.
“That means she's famous, ” Sam explains. “Steve has one, too. That's why we had to take that video of him, to prove that he was actually Captain America, y’know? I read somewhere that the more known people always get the more known people, so that's probably why Steve got such good matches.”
Nat hums. “So far, yeah, but let's see the last one. This is supposed to be super good, right?”
Sam nods, eagerly, pulling the StarkPad back to his chest. “Right, let me just — ”
Sam flicks the envelope open.
He blinks.
He looks at the picture. He looks at the red check next to the name.
Sam falls over his own feet.
———
“Hey, kid,” Mr. Stark greets. Peter feels his gut twist as he watches Mr. Stark scurry around the immaculate common room, looking for things to clean. “Remember to be here on — ”
“Saturday, because I'm being introduced, right,” Peter fills in miserably.
Mr. Stark frowns, attention skewed as he zones in on Peter. “Something wrong, kid? We can push the date back if you're not ready, I mean — There are some things that can be done to the compound before they come which, now that I'm thinking about it, are probably critical for the living requirements for an ex-soldier who went through as much stuff as Barnes, so I think I might — ”
“Mr. Stark,” Peter interrupts. “The place is perfect. And I talked to Bucky for a long time with the Thanos stuff going on, and he will be one hundred percent fine with everything.”
Mr. Stark pauses in his movements, and he has an uncharacteristic sheepish look on his face. “I — Okay? Okay. By the way, why is Barnes on a first name basis when I'm apparently going to be ‘Mr. Stark’ till the end of time?”
Peter shrugs, because he genuinely does not know. “And, Mr. Stark?”
Mr. Stark sends him an exasperated look. “Yes, Mr. Parker?”
“Captain Rogers will love living here, too,” Peter assures.
Tony inhales sharply, mouth opening and closing like he can't find his words. Peter guesses he never does, because Mr. Stark just sends him a tiny, warm smile.
“Yeah, I'm hoping so,” Tony says quietly. “Definitely hoping so… Anyways! Wanna play?” He sends a look at the chessboard.
Peter feels his gut twist tighter. He plasters a grin. “Only for you to embarrass yourself again?”
“Ooh, confident. I hate it,” Mr. Stark deadpans, sliding into one of the chairs, and Peter laughs despite the churning feeling in his stomach.
Mr. Stark, of course, beats him, but it takes longer than normal, and Peter supposes that it's because Mr. Stark's mind is elsewhere.
He grimaces. It’s time to pull the support team back together.
———
“It’s Tuesday. Right? It's Tuesday, right, Bucky?” Steve’s firing off as soon as he walks into the kitchen.
Bucky, from behind a Better Homes & Gardens magazine with an enormous Thanksgiving turkey on it, grunts. “It’s Wednesday, Stevie.”
Steve freezes. Natasha sighs from her position of chopping an apple into slices. Sam winces from his seat where he's devouring a plate of Eggos.
“Wednesday,” Steve repeats lowly. Bucky sets the magazine down.
“Wednesday,” he confirms, kicking Steve's shin. “Which is still four days away from Saturday.”
“But it's basically three days,” Steve exhales, looking his actual age of 101, and not the thirty-five year old he basically is.
Natasha hums. “We could show up late and then it'll be four days.”
“Is — Is that an option?” Steve murmurs, then he seems to snap himself out of it. “Wait — No. No, we can not show up late, we need to keep our promise to — We need to show that we’re honorable people, who show up on time, and don't get cold feet about vital decisions for the team and the continuation of peace on — ”
Steve, upon realization that everyone in the room was staring at him, unamused and exasperated, sheepishly looks for a way out of his rambling. His eyes land on Sam's discarded StarkPad. Oh, yeah.
“Hey, did I ever get any uh, any matches?” He asks, motioning to the device.
The room's tension instantly rackets up.
Steve’s eyes narrow. “Is that a yes?”
Sam and Bucky are anxiously gnawing at their lips, but Natasha just shakes her head. “Not to my knowledge. Sam?”
Sam blinks. “Me? Oh, me. Yeah, me. I mean — No, me! Not to me , but about — You haven't gotten any matches yet, okay, Steve?!”
Steve furrows his eyebrows. “I… Okay? I mean. Okay? Just uh, again, keep me updated? Thanks.”
When Steve leaves the kitchen, (most likely to make sure all of their tiny amount of things are packed again) Natasha and Bucky turn their heads to glare at Sam.
“We’ve gotta do something,” Sam defends weakly.
———
Peter gnaws his lip. “So, do I do it? As soon as we choose someone FlickLove's going to send them a notification about it.”
“I can't believe we're doing this,” Dr. Banner mutters.
Mr. Rhodes glares at him. “It’s the best path for Tony, isn't it? We gotta do it.”
Vision nods. “Do it, Mr. Parker.”
Peter flicks open the envelope. He looks up.
“Will I have to do it for you, Mr. Parker?” FRIDAY asks, and as the group laughs, the mood lightens but only by a little.
“No, I'll do it,” he murmurs. Peter taps the dark pink FLICKLOVE button at the end of the letter.
Peter momentarily freaks out as a pop-up appears, and winces when he reads: Are you sure you want to send a FlickLove to this person? You can't take this action back!
He clicks the I'M SURE! button.
“Did you do it?” Mr. Rhodes probes.
“What does it say?” Vision inquires, attempting to peer over the top of Peter's phone screen.
Peter inhales sharply. “It says, 'You just sent your first FlickLove to Steve Rogers! Please wait patiently until he either accepts or rejects your Flick!’” Peter grimaces. “Wow, 'reject’ is a strong word, they… really are not very sympathetic.”
“So, now we just… Wait?” Dr. Banner asks.
Mr. Rhodes nods, obviously uncomfortable. “And hope he sees it before they arrive on Saturday.”
———
The three of them stare at the screen.
“So, we just…” Bucky imitates slamming the button on the screen.
Natasha nods slowly. “Then what happens?”
“Then we have to wait for him to accept our Flicked Love,” Sam explains. Bucky squints at the use of the term ‘Flicked Love’. “After that they open a private message place where you can chat and plan out stuff, get to know each other, y'know? There we can explain to Mhmhm how much Steve's sorry, and why Mhmhm should totally fall in love with him.” Sam frowns. “Reason one being that FlickLove wills it so.”
The other two nod. Then Bucky hums. “How do you know this much about FlickLove, Sam?”
“Tumblr and Google,” Sam dismisses. “Now are we actually gonna do this?”
Nat hardens. “It’s the best decision for Steve, isn't?”
Bucky gives her an uneasy smile. “Well, sure, but that doesn't make me feel any better.”
Natasha sighs, not denying it.
Sam swallows. “Let’s do this.”
Bucky looks away and Nat's wincing as Sam flicks open the envelope. His finger is hovering above the dark pink FLICKLOVE button at the end of the letter, when a notification dings.
Nat and Bucky are at his side in an instant, and the three of them watch as the message drops down.
FlickLove
Psst! Someone just sent you a FlickLove!
Somebody gasps. It's very dramatic, and Sam wishes he could properly appreciate it, but then Bucky's diving in to click the notification. Sam pulls it to his chest.
“We can't ,” he hisses. “We have to keep our minds straight and flick our love to Stark!”
Another gasp. Sam's eyes widen at his use of Mhmm's name. Natasha groans.
“Okay, stop, we need to think this through,” Natasha says firmly. “Like Steve would.”
“Like Steve would,” Sam agrees slowly.
“What if it's that Ella lady, though?” Bucky insists. “She and Steve would be so good together!”
Sam makes a noise of protest. Natasha sighs. “Can’t we just see who it is, Sam?”
Sam grunts. Thinks on it. “Fine,” he complies. “But Bucky has to keep his grubby paws off my StarkPad. This is a democracy, Barnes.”
Bucky grunts as well, but he nods in agreement to the terms. Sam, hesitantly, taps the notification.
The screen loads. Then an animated envelope pops up, with a heart sticker. Sam taps it again, and it opens in a letter.
Tony Stark has sent you a FlickLove!
Click here to view his profile .
Do you accept or reject his Flicked Love?
Accept Reject
Sam gapes. Bucky squeaks ( actually squeaks, the Winter Soldier squeaked ). Nat just smirks.
“Well, boys,” she hums. “Looks like Tony did our job for us. Tap that Accept button.”
———
“Oh my god,” Peter gapes.
“What?” Mr. Rhodes demands.
“He already accepted!
———
“What should we say?” Sam asks anxiously.
Bucky rolls his eyes. “Give me that.”
———
STEVE ROGERS View profile
Tony. I'm very flattered with this entire ordeal, but I can't say I expected this.
delivered 08:27am
“He just texted this,” Peter squeaks, showing the group the text.
Dr. Banner snorts, smiling wryly. “Definitely sounds like Steve.”
“What do we say back?”
Mr. Rhodes rolls his eyes. “Give me that.”
———
TONY STARK View profile
Tony. I'm very flattered with this entire ordeal, but I can't say I expected this.
read 08:27am
typing...
Sam groans. “He’s typing. Oh my god, I haven't been this nervous since sophomore year in high school when Keyana Leans offered me 'a fun time’.”
Bucky looks at him, curious. “Did you guys have ‘a fun time’?”
“Having sex? No. Playing three hours of Twister with her cousins? Yes,” Sam informs. “I really hope Tony didn't just accept us to play Twister with his cousins.”
“Us?” Natasha huffs. “You mean Steve. ”
“Same thing,” Sam shrugs.
“Look,” Bucky interrupts. “He texted back.”
Rogers. Flattered is an interesting way to put it. A bit formal for this, don't you think?
delivered 08:30am
Bucky scoffs. Nat hums. “That’s Tony.”
Bucky scrunches his nose up before his fingers start flying across the screen.
———
“‘Then maybe you should call me Steve’,” Mr. Rhodes reads out. “Oh. Oh, he's good.”
Peter's getting a sense of foreboding. “Uh. Do you think now's the time to tell him that we're actually Mr. Stark's meddling companions and not actually Tony Stark?”
The other three glance at him, looking away quickly. Vision makes the most human noise Peter's ever heard from him: “er” .
“Maybe,” Dr. Banner edges. Mr. Rhodes grunts.
“In a second — I just sent a good one,” he tells them. Dr. Banner and Vision lean in their seats to look over Mr. Rhodes's shoulder. Peter groans.
———
“‘Touche. But just like me figuring…’,” Sam trails off. “Hold on a second, that doesn't make sense.”
“What?” Nat asks.
“He… He's implying that he found Steve and Bucky in Siberia by himself,” Sam frowns. “But he knows that Steve knows that I told him where they'd be.”
Bucky narrows his eyes. “So are you saying…”
Sam grunts. “I dunno. Let me — ”
———
“‘Well, you finding the Mandarin all on your own was also — ”
Dr. Banner's eyebrows furrow. “What?”
Mr. Rhodes looks at him. “Huh?”
Dr. Banner takes Peter's phone from him. “That doesn't make sense.”
Mr. Rhodes shrugs. “Does. Tony never told anyone besides me, Pep, and you about that Harley kid in Tennessee — no one knows he did have that much help, not even SHIELD. Rogers wouldn't know.”
Dr. Banner shakes his head. “No, he would. When Tony dropped by in New York and explained the whole thing to me, Steve also came to ask me some questions about biotechnology. Tony had gotten Harley a lot of presents for his help, and Steve asked about it so Tony gave him a quick briefing.” Dr. Banner smiles ruefully. “Believe it or not, they were even more tongue-tied around each other back then. Anyway, with Steve's eidetic memory… He should've been able to remember that. I do.”
The other three stay quiet. Mr. Rhodes hmphs. “So…?”
Vision takes Peter's phone in his own hands. “There is only one course to retrieve that insight, James.”
———
“We’ve been made,” Sam deflates.
“Yeah, but so have they, ” Natasha shoots back, grabbing the StarkPad.
———
“‘Cover blown... Just like your guys’. Has to be Rhodes there, but who else?’” Peter reads sullenly. “What do we do now?”
“We negotiate,” Mr. Rhodes says, determinedly.
———
“‘Busted. Barnes, Wilson, and Romanoff, I'm guessing? Do you guys often act like you're Rogers? -Rhodes, Banner, Parker & Vision’,” Nat reads aloud. “Bastards.”
Bucky steels himself. “Throw it right back at them, right?”
“No,” Sam says sternly. “We have to be mature. Think like Steve.”
“Think like Steve,” Natasha agrees strongly. Bucky firmly nods his assent as well.
Sam takes the StarkPad from Nat, typing out the message.
We try not to make it a habit. We're wondering… Does Tony know about all of this?
read 8:45am
It's a while before they respond. The three smile smugly at each other.
More or less. Does Steve?
delivered 8:49am
More or less.
read 8:50am
Seems we're in the same boat.
read 8:50am
Cut the bullshit, man. What's the deal? We both wanted Steve and Tony to be together, now we just have to join our creative spirits and actually get them together.
delivered 8:51am
Sam heaves in a breath. Nat massages her temples.
Bucky hums. “When all of this blows up in our faces, make sure to tell Steve and Stark that they were the ones who made the first move.”
Sam and Nat make various noises of agreement.
———
As soon as Tony walks into the workshop, he knows something is wrong.
“Brucie and the kid, I'm not surprised,” Tony starts. “But Rhodey and Vision, I'm very disappointed in. What did you guys break?”
Vision sounds offended. “I beg your pardon?”
“We didn't break anything, Tony,” Bruce sighs.
“That’s a relief,” Tony remarks, walking away from the four to one of the many tables lining the 'shop — a day-old cup of coffee waits for him. He winces at the taste before taking another sip. “Because remember , it's Thursday , so we have to be completely ready for Rogers on Saturday — ”
Peter makes an aborted noise. Tony glances over, just in time to see Rhodey cutting Parker a stern look. Tony's eyebrows furrow.
“Anyways!” Rhodey talks loudly. “Believe it or not, Tony, we did come here to talk about something.”
Tony hums, turning to the table and shuffling through paperwork that Pepper sent over — yeah, that's a week ago. “ Really ? Would never have guessed. Go ahead.”
Bruce clears his throat. “But we really need your attention.”
Tony's eyebrows furrow. He spins, narrowing his eyes. “Are you sure nothing's broken?”
“Nothing is broken, Sir,” FRIDAY assesses, patiently. “I find it that it would be in your best interests to simply listen to them.”
Tony blinks, wrapping his hands around the cold cup of coffee. “Okay? Uh — Yeah, I'm all ears, go ahead.”
The four glance at each other anxiously. Tony's confusion heightens. Rhodey reaches behind Peter and pokes him, making the kid stumble forward. Peter glares at Rhodey, which is a definite first.
“Okay, the suspense is killing me, what's up, guys?” Tony urges, taking a sip of his coffee.
Peter winces, before visibly braving himself as he straightens and his expression turns determined. “Mr. Stark, sir, Tony — ”
Tony's eyebrows crawl up high on his forehead.
“ — we may or may not have created an account for you on a dating app then accepted one of your recommended partners and planned for you to have a date tomorrow evening,” Peter blurts, his words coming out in bunches, but Tony gets the message.
He sets his coffee cup down.
He exhales. “May or may not?”
They stay silent. Vision then speaks. “We have done this, Tony.”
Tony slams his hand down. “ What the fuck. ”
Bruce winces. Peter makes another high-pitched noise. Vision stiffens, uncomfortable, and Rhodey sighs. “Tony, c'mon — ”
Tony quickly looks away. “Oh, no, no, no, no, no, honeybear, you are not putting those big brown eyes on me and make everything suddenly okay, hell, no. What the hell, Rhodey?!”
Bruce clears his throat. “It wasn't something that we wanted to force you into, and if the circumstances hadn't had turned out the way they did, we wouldn't have planned a date for you already, but — ”
“Circumstances?” Tony interrupts. “What circumstances?”
The other three glare harshly at Bruce. He cowers.
Vision steps up. “I believe what he is attempting to say is that we have found someone that we believe to make you very… Very happy, Tony. And that's all any of us have ever wanted for you.”
Peter catches Tony's eye. “To be happy, Mr. Stark.”
Now Tony faces all four sets of puppy eyes, and he groans. He turns away, walking around the table to plop into one of his comfy chairs. He crosses his arms. Opens his mouth. Closes his mouth. Scowls. Pouts. Frowns.
“I feel like you're taking my decision away from me,” Tony says, tone audibly upset. He curses himself.
The four expressions turn guilty and regretful, and Rhodey rushes to speak. “Tony, you know none of us would want that. And… And if you want us to, we can of course cancel the date. But I know you, Tones, and I know how you get when you're all alone like this. And you'll always have me, and Bruce, Peter, and Viz, but — but we both know you always have room for a different type of connection than any of us have with you. And I — we just wanted to help give that to you.”
Tony sighs. “I… I get that. I really do. But I'm not sure I'm even ready for this. I — ” He inhales. “I don't know if I can.”
“You can,” Peter says, so quick that it's almost instinctive. He flushes, but doesn't back down. “I — Mr. Stark, you can do anything. ”
Tony feels his lips twitching into an inevitable smile. He shakes his head. “Thanks, Pete.”
Peter beams back at him.
“But that still doesn't mean I want to,” he continues, standing up again. He beckons them over, and they stride to him. “You’ll have to give me your guys’ best arguments.”
They immediately launch into animated details about the app they used, which is called FlickLove, and give exaggerated explanations on the credibility of it. At some point FRIDAY joined in, and backed up their claims with articles about the app. Tony was on the verge of pulling his hair out and hysterically laughing the entire time.
Then Peter says, “And you had gotten four matches which is pretty good for a FlickLove user, and — ”
“Four?” Tony cuts in. He blinks. “Do I have to meet all of them?”
Three of them blatantly smirk, while Vision does something with his face that is dangerously close to one.
“Well, Mr. Stark,” Peter chimes, “this is where those special circumstances came in.”
Rhodey cuts him a look, but Peter continues, “We picked someone we just know you'll connect with. We're certain.”
Vision makes a noise that sounds like a sigh. “Despite Mr. Parker's lacking gravitas, it is true, Tony. You and your date are almost bound to have great… chemistry.”
Tony sighs himself. He's still not certain about this entire thing, but… but they're being so painfully honest when they're saying they want him to be happy, and they're being so earnest and hopeful and…
And Tony was going on this date before he even knew about it.
“Fine,” he groans.
They cheer ecstatically and Tony rolls his eyes affectionately despite… Well, everything.
“What’s this person's name?” Tony questions.
The cheering quickly dies down. Peter pales.
Tony arches an eyebrow.
“W-Well,” Bruce stammers. “We kind of… Wanted that to be a surprise. Yeah. It's much more pressure on you if you have expectations of this person.”
“Yeah,” Peter confirms, enthusiastically nodding his head.
“Because this person has a famous status,” Vision backs up. “And you of all people know how that can influence a first meeting.”
“And it's a 'he’, by the way,” Rhodey adds after a moment.
Tony mulls over the information given. Closes his eyes, then pops them open. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Peter blink, surprised.
“Okay,” Tony answers. “Where will the date be?”
“Uh — Ruth's. The one in Manhattan, near the Tower. You know it, so we thought we'd put you somewhere familiar.”
Tony nearly winces. The place was painfully familiar, since it was where — in that sweet period of time when Rogers finally saw past his initial opinions of Tony but before Ultron and the Accords and Siberia — Rogers had invited Tony to, out of annoyingly earnest politeness, two separate times. Right before the battle in which they acquired Loki's scepter, Tony had finally accepted on Rogers's third attempt, and god. It was… Well, after the occasion, Tony had fantasised it as a date multiple times. Steve looked more handsome than ever, and Tony had felt underdressed, even in his Armani suit. They had talked, and, of course, bickered, but it was the type that came inevitably with Tony's and Steve's eruptive personalities. Most of the bickering had led to a lot of laughter and embarrassing snorts from Tony that made Steve's eyes twinkle and his shoulders shake even more. They talked about the most random things, along with strategies and politics — which had always made them bump heads, but Steve must've been in a great mood, because he didn't let it bother him too much. Tony didn't, either.
It was glorious, and when the night ended, Tony had felt so reluctant on letting it go. He didn't quite know then how much he… Relied on his and Steve's interactions, on Steve's well-being, on his happiness , but that night added a bit of perspective. Tony always distantly notes that that was three hours of happiness in a rather gloomy part of his life.
But then, of course, on the following day, Wanda put the image of Steve dead because of Tony's lack of proactivity in his mind. Seeing Steve like that after the prior night had just… messed with Tony's mind. A lot.
One thing led to another. Now Tony knows the full force of knowing Steve's well-being is better off without him.
“...TONY!”
Tony blinks, eyes adjusting. Rhodey's face is inches away from him, and worried. Tony shakes his head.
“I’m fine, snickerdoodle, you know my sleeping habits.” He sends Rhodey a reassuring smile. “Anyway, Ruth's is… Ruth's is fine, Brucie.”
The four smile, relieved. It's almost worth it.
“Great,” Peter exhales. “So tomorrow at six. Sound okay?”
Tony sighs. “Sounds perfect, Parker.”
As the four stand around smugly, Tony imagines the best approach to gently let down his blind date tomorrow night.
———
Steve is well aware of the fact that he's grumbling, but he can't seem to make himself stop.
“ Steve ,” Nat admonishes. Steve grunts in her general direction.
“C’mon, man,” Sam groans. “You're the one who signed up for it!”
Steve hmphs. He can't actually… deny that, but still.
Sam's currently driving them to Steve's 'blind date’, which apparently requires the presence of all three of his best friends.
“You guys set me up on a date without even telling me!” Steve protests. “I signed up for the dating app, not for actually dating someone.”
“Stevie,” Bucky says, “you'll just have to trust us on this.”
Steve sighs, helpless to Bucky's calm optimism. And it's not like Steve doesn't trust all of them, it's just that trusting someone with you life and trusting someone with your love life are two very different things.
In retrospect, Sam's definitely right, and this is exactly what Steve signed up for. But it's all so soon. And tomorrow's Saturday. It's move-in day.
Steve feels his stomach plummet. Tony.
On top of all of it, Steve's 'blind date’ is at Ruth's . Ruth's. The place where Steve finally got to take Tony after a lot of fruitless attempts. God, that was so long ago. But he, of course, can remember it like yesterday — and how he felt. It was just a few days before the whole Ultron mess started, and Tony had finally accepted one of Steve's offers of dinner. Steve had been ecstatic. It was after Tony's show of brilliance with the Mandarin and Steve's mess with Bucky and the fall of SHIELD, but even with all of that, Steve couldn't help but think of Tony. All the time. So he sent Tony an invite to a restaurant, Ruth's — said they should catch a dinner some time, but Tony always had a reason to get out of it. Steve felt pretty stupid but wasn't about to give up, and on his third try, Tony had somewhat reluctantly agreed to which Steve remembers feeling deliriously smug about. And the dinner went so well. It… It wasn't a date, no. Steve knew that much, knows that much, but it doesn't stop him from wishing it was. Wishing that Tony would ever…
But it doesn't matter. It's been… It's been years since that night. And those years were full of fighting and lying and betrayal and Steve definitely lost his chance at anything along the lines of something romantic with Tony — not that he ever had a chance.
Sam's complaining. “Nat, Buck, he's moping! How has this gone downhill so fast?”
Steve grumbles. Again. “I just don't see how this has done anything of what I planned it to do, considering that I don't even know the name of my date!”
Nat tsks. “Come on, Steve. Does anyone know you better than us?”
Steve shoots her a look. A ghost of a smile flickers across her lips.
“Besides,” Sam says, tone reassuring as he pulls into the Ruth's driveway, “we can guarantee that you'll like this person. Now, come on, and smile.”
Steve gives his best smile. Natasha look pitiful, Bucky's wincing, and Sam's frowning.
“You’re lucky that whole stoic thing is hot.”
———
Tony sighs. “Guys, I'm a hundred percent fine.”
Peter frets. “Of course you are, Mr. Stark, we just want to make sure you're completely ready.”
Tony blinks at that, but none of the other men in the car provide an answer, all staring out the windows anxiously. He sighs as Peter starts straightening Tony's cuffs for him.
So the blind date thing actually came through, and Tony's on his way to it now. To go disappoint some well-known guy that just wanted to go on a pleasant date.
Tony just hopes it's not Ryan Gosling — he's not quite sure he could reject the guy.
As the car pulls into Ruth's parking lot, Tony blocks thoughts of Ryan Gosling and Steve Rogers from his head. He conjures up a charming smile, and readies himself for a thirty-minute awkward dinner before leaving the blasted place.
———
“It’s happening,” Peter freaks out. “Oh my God, it's happening.”
Mr. Rhodes (“Kid, when will you call me Rhodey?”) twitches. “Stop freaking out, or I'll freak out, Parker.”
Dr. Banner leans away from the bright red Dairy Queen booth, trying to see through the windows of Ruth's from across the street. “Vision, you have any visuals?”
Vision inclines his head. “I do, Bruce, but I believe this is the part where we let them work it out.”
Peter sinks in his seat. “But that path doesn't guarantee that I'll be out of the country if Mr. Stark freaks out.”
“Oh, he's definitely freaking out.”
Peter and the other three men jump in their seats, heads swinging to the voice.
Natasha Romanoff peers down her nose at them, intrigued, with Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes behind her, ordering something at the counter.
“Really, the comfort isn't necessary,” Dr. Banner reassures, sarcastically, but he's smiling, and Ms. Romanoff grins a him.
Or Ms. Widow. Both of them sound weird. Everything's going wrong and Mr. Stark is gonna hate him forever , why did he think this was a good idea —
“I’m guessing Mr. Parker was the one who thought to sign Tony up?” Ms… Natasha comments lightly.
“You’d be correct in that assumption.” Vision smiles a bit.
Ms. Natasha ah 's, then nudges Peter, who smushes Mr. Rhodes closer to the window, allowing her to fit. Mr. Rhodes doesn't react, just continues trying to spy on Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers.
“Don’t worry, kid,” she reassures, “Sammy over there is in the same boat.”
At the same time as she's telling Peter this, Mr. Wilson and Bucky walk over to the table. Peter now sees Mr. Wilson's sick expression, and he actually feels comforted that he's not alone.
Mr. Wilson plops down on the mere five inches that's left of the bench Vision and Dr. Banner reside on while Bucky pulls up a chair and sits on it with his arms resting on the back which faces the table.
Then they all stare out the window.
The restaurant, Ruth's, is criminally calm on the exterior, but Peter can just imagine what could be happening on the inside. Mr. Stark yelling and pointing, Mr. Rogers frowning and speaking in a calm tone that's too calm and displays his anger even though he's not visibly angry. Waiters being rudely ignored as Mr. Stark's and Mr. Rogers's unresolved sexual tension takes over their manners, and other diners leaving, appalled at the behavior of two of the most well-known guys in the world. Galaxy, after all that Thanos stuff. Oh, no, Peter never should have done this, this isn't good at all, Mr. Stark's gonna hate him and take away the suit and tell MIT that Peter isn't as great of a kid as they think and —
“Whatever you're thinking right now,” Ms. Natasha says dryly, “think of Steve and Tony's prior behaviors toward you, and really evaluate if that's how they'd react if this doesn't work out.”
Peter's eyes catch hers, and he suddenly feels stupid. Mr. Stark has always been kind to him, ridiculously kind, kinder than any human ever, and Mr. Rogers, despite their less than satisfactory first meeting, has always treated him as any other hero and gave him respect that one holds for another soldier instead of a kid soldier. Peter… He doesn't have anything to worry about. However —
“I’ll still get my ass kicked!” Mr. Wilson exclaims. He groans. “This is literally the worst situation ever. How could I let this happen? How could I be one of the initiators for this situation?”
Bucky sighs. “Because Steve's got his big puppy eyes set on Stark, and has for almost a decade.”
Mr. Wilson considers this. “That used to fuel me, but now I just keep imagining what Stark can do with all of his nanotech.”
Peter feels empathy flood his chest. “Mr. Wilson, if it's any consolation, I'll take half the blame.”
Mr. Wilson gives him that look that Mr. Stark gives him when Peter successfully breaks into a government database he's not supposed to break into. It's a look that most mentors wouldn't react with in that situation.
“Thanks, Parker, but I'll manage,” Mr. Wilson smiles weakly. “Anyway, Nat will protect me.”
Ms. Natasha doesn't say anything.
“Nat?” Mr. Wilson prompts.
Ms. Natasha let's out an exhale. “If Steve's got the little… disappointed eyebrow furrow thing? Definitely not, you're on your own.”
Mr. Wilson makes a betrayed noise. He looks around the table, but Bucky is intently studying his metal arm, Dr. Banner is picking at the table top, Vision is pointedly staring at his shirt for an unknown reason, and Mr. Rhodes is staring purposefully out the window.
Mr. Wilson starts whining again, until the waiter comes by with a trayful of ice cream sundaes.
Mr. Rhodes sighs. “There hasn't been any repulsor noises or any stray shields flying around, so I guess we'll just have to hope they're taking it good.”
Vision shifts. “I believe they are fine, James.”
Bucky shrugs, taking a spoon out of the wrapper and snatching a caramel sundae. “If they weren't, Stevie would've been out the door by now. Stop worrying.”
Glancing, surprised, at each other, everyone takes his word for it. After they've all picked a sundae, Mr. Wilson starts telling them about how Mr. Rogers agreed to go on FlickLove and Peter relaxes a bit. Eventually he tells them how he tricked Mr. Stark into doing it, and that makes them all laugh.
If being an Avenger counts these guys in, then maybe Peter will move in to the compound. They're all kind of awesome — like Mr. Stark-level of awesome.
Peter just hopes that by the time he's moved in, Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers are happy. Preferably together.
———
Tony clears his throat. “Table for Stark?”
The woman looks down at the reservations. “Yes, of course, your guest is already waiting for you.”
Tony gives a quick smile. As they lead him to his date's table, Tony tugs on his suit sleeve. This guy is well-known, likes Ruth's, and thinks Tony is worth his time. God, he's actually nervous for this. Ridiculous. He's Tony Stark, he shouldn't be nervous, but all of a sudden Tony cares about this Mystery Man. This is stupid.
Blinking, Tony brings himself back to the moment. The woman smiles, and motions to the back. Holding his breath, Tony looks over.
To Steve Rogers.
“Table for Stark and Rogers,” the woman confirms. “There will be a waiter at your table in just a few. Hope you have a great night, Mr. Stark.”
Tony, mouth working, eventually nods. The woman walks away with Tony still gaping, but.
What the hell.
Steve's sitting there in a nice, navy blue suit with a light grey button-down and his hair is all nice, and he's… He's beautiful. He's looking over the wine list, pink bottom lip between two rows of perfectly straight and white teeth, and his foot is anxiously tapping on the ground and... And he's waiting for Tony.
Something has to have gone wrong.
The woman's back at Tony's side. “Sir? Is there something wrong?”
Tony looks over to her. He schools his expression, giving an apologetic, but charming smile. “I’m sorry, but are you sure that's my table?”
The woman nods instantly. “Yes, sir. There are no other reservations in your section of the dining area, as due to your requests over the phone.”
Tony's head goes a bit spinny.
“Oh, well… Thank you,” he says, somewhat awkwardly. The woman, subtly eyeing him, walks away. Tony blinks again. He inhales, looking over at the table again.
Where Steve's staring at him.
He steels himself, then walks over. Steve's face is a mixture of surprise, confusion, and something else that's harder to identify.
“Tony,” Steve breathes out, eyes wide.
Tony can't seem to paste a convincing smirk on his face, so he just nods in response. “Rogers. I… This is my table.”
Steve blinks, in rapid succession, at him.
Tony clears his throat. Sits down. “This is our table.”
Steve's lips make a little 'o’ shape. It's stupidly adorable.
Tony suddenly can't seem to continue staring into those azure eyes, so he fidgets with the table cloth. “I think our friends are trying to send us a message.”
He feels Steve's gaze on his head, and he's helpless to do much more than look up. Steve gives him a weak smile. “You don't think I set us up?” he jokes.
“Doesn’t seem likely, no.” It comes out of Tony's mouth instantly, and he internally berates himself when Steve's face falls. God, Tony's a mood-killer. He swallows. “Anyway. To my understanding, you haven't been in cooperation with four meddlers as far as I know, so I have to assume that you didn't know that I'd be your… guest for the evening, as well.”
Steve clears his throat. “You’re right in that assumption. I've got three meddlers. They signed me up for something, and I agreed, but they didn't tell me…”
“So this could all be a joke?” Tony asks plainly. “Okay, I had a great time, but I think that I should leave now — ”
Steve grabs his arm, his touch firm but light.
“Tony,” he whispers. “Please stay.”
Tony stares at him, into those blue, blue eyes, and the hopeful look dancing around the edges of them, and he just —
“Okay,” Tony says quietly, sitting down.
“How about we,” Steve licks his lips, “... ignore the meddlers for the evening, and just… Have dinner? Together?”
Tony stares at Steve. Steve flushes pink.
“Okay,” he croaks. Steve brightens like the sun, and Tony's sent back to when he said okay when Steve invited him to Ruth's all those years ago. He feels his lips curving. “Okay.”
So they talk. Steve says the name of the wine perfectly, in contrast to last time, and that's what launches a conversation about how Steve discovered how handy an eidetic memory is in linguistics. He stumbles over the fact that the reason he had to learn was because of all those years on the run, but Tony can't find it in himself to care, so he just nudges Steve and tells him to get on with the story. (Steve gives him another one of those bright smiles.) Tony finds himself relaying stories about the languages he knows, and when he talks about his mom teaching him Italian, he doesn't tense or anything. Steve's expression softens a whole lot, and he tries to apologize but the food comes in, and his stomach audibly growls. Tony laughs while Steve turns as red as the armor. Tony tells him so, which leads them to a conversation on the nanotech and the new armors, which then takes them to arguments on each other's best uniforms (c'mon, Rogers, it's the stealth suit ), which makes Tony start rambling about potential changes to Steve's current suit, where Steve insists on helping in the design this time. It's a whole lot of bickering, but as Tony said before — if they're not actively arguing, you're going to find them bickering. It wouldn't be healthy if they didn't — after New York, they kept pushing the whole polite, not-disagreeing thing which only led them to worst arguments. They need the bickering, because otherwise their communication with each other kind of sucks. Tony thinks that realizing this a few several years ago would've done wonders on their relationship.
It's almost like Ruth's is a place that protects them. Not even that, because when those sore topics come up, they don't clam up. They just talk. But — well, they've always done that! Too much talking, which led to arguing and mistrust, so…
Maybe what Ruth's gives them is the skill of listening.
That'd be hell of a gift for them.
When it hits nine at night and Tony finally realizes it, he laughs.
“We’ve been here for three hours, Rogers,” he snorts. “I’ve gotta be honest with you, I wasn't planning on staying longer than twenty minutes.”
Steve's face sobers up. Tony mentally groans — Steve's been trying this whole ‘I’m sorry, Tony’ routine way too many times tonight. He's definitely going to somehow turn what Tony's just said to something that's implying that Tony was forced to be here tonight.
Which… He kinda was, but that's beside the point, because Steve.
So when Steve opens his mouth to angst, Tony holds his hand up. “Now before you say anything — I meant that when Peter, Rhodey, Bruce, and Viz said that I was going to be on a blind date with a well-known guy, I wasn't enthused so I had planned to let the guy down easily after a few minutes of awkwardness.”
Steve's lips twitch. “Same here. When Nat, Sam, and Buck told me that they found a good date for me but I didn't get to know who it was, I planned to kind of…”
He trails off, but Tony nods in understanding, a telling smile hinting at his lips.
Then it kind of hits him.
Because this time…
This is a date.
Unless… it isn't. That would make sense, right, that after Steve saw it was Tony, the whole 'date’ pretense would just… go away. It seems like something Steve Rogers would think of.
Especially if he doesn't want Tony in… that way.
Thankfully enough, Steve was picking at the remains of his dessert and missed Tony's breakdown. Tony schools his expression, inhaling sharply. They'll deal with that later.
“Let’s get the check,” he prompts. And Steve, hesitantly, nods.
When they're outside (Steve didn't even try to fight over the bill, seemingly remembering the ten-minute argument they shared last time), Steve waves Tony away with a smile, and they both call their rides.
They pick up on the first ring.
“What the hell.”
“Mr. Stark!” Peter's voice, high with anxiety, trills. “How are you?”
Tony shakes his head — makes a decision. “Tell the others that I can get my own ride home tonight. Goodnight, kid.”
“But, Mr. Stark — ”
Tony gnaws his lip. If… He'll just call a cab. If —
“Tony,” Steve calls, and Tony spins on his heels. “Could I, uh. So sorry, but could I catch a ride with you? I don't”
Tony gives him a little grin. “Understandable. But I was actually going to ask if I could catch a ride with you. I'll call a driver in for both of us?”
Steve kind of beams at him as he nods enthusiastically, which makes Tony's heart kind of thud like thunder in his chest, and it's all kind of overwhelming.
Which must be what makes Tony blurt. “But we can walk. Before. Before I call a car down? If — If you want to?”
Steve's beam turns a hundred times brighter and Tony feels his chest tighten almost uncomfortably.
They walk and chatter aimlessly, and it's stupid, because with all of their past behind them they shouldn't be able to even look each other in the eye, but —
It all seems so mute. After Thanos, after the snap…
They both could've died, and they'd have never known what this night feels like. Never know that the other wanted it.
It's later, and Steve looks at Tony, and Tony stares at him right back. They're right in front of Central Park, but it's so late, and although the cars are still hurtling by, it seems that Manhattan is taking a little break.
Well. Tony's never been one for losing a chance.
Surging forward, he kisses Steve.
His first thought is shit, what the hell, Stark, you never confirmed if this was even a date then it enters the oh my God, this is Steve, these are Steve's incredibly soft lips which then leads him to — oh, now that they're moving as well this is quite nice.
And then holy shit, Steve Rogers is kissing me!
Steve's lips move like a dance, and Tony's never been very rhythmic, but his lips find that they can tango with Steve's anyway. It starts slow and soft — a clash to their starting meeting — and Tony feels himself melt into Steve's waiting embrace. It's stupid, honestly — but it feels like coming home.
It's a long while before they pull away. Steve's cheeks are red, and his eyes are a glimmering blue, and his lips are even more plump than usual, and Tony, god, he loves this man more than he could ever put into words —
“Tony,” Steve then whispers, eyes twinkling. “Are you accepting my Flicked Love?”
Eyebrows rising, Tony laughs, high on the feeling that Steve's giving him.
His best friends are still totally dead.
———
Sam looks at his watch.
“This is unbelievable,” Rhodey mutters. “A month of hearing him freak out about this and he sleeps in.”
Sam is shifting on his feet. “Two months on it from Cap and he doesn't even show up.”
Bucky's frowning. His metal hand is gripping a Soap Opera Digest magazine. “I’m feeling very trepidatious.”
“Understandably!” the Parker kid exclaims. “This is — This is insane, they're going to kill us, I'll never get the Captain’s autograph on Ned's LEGO Cap — ”
“Don’t worry about that, I can forge it,” Natasha dismisses, entering the room. “What we need to worry about is that Tony's not in his room.”
“Then where is he?” Banner pipes in, eyebrows furrowed.
“I don't know, but FRIDAY said he told her that he was fine last night, and that he'd be here for the move-in,” Natasha explains. She flicks an eyebrow up, briefly. “Counting in the fact that all of Sam's, Bucky's, and my belongings were here before we even arrived and that Steve didn't show up last night…”
“Last night's events either went spectacular or catastrophic,” Vision fills in. Everyone tenses.
“We shouldn't have done this,” Peter bemoans.
“I'm inclined to agree, Mr. Parker.”
Everyone's eyes snap over to the doorway. Tony Stark stands there, in a three-piece suit that's not the one from his date last night. Worryingly, he doesn't even look pleased at the fact that he surprised a group of the most highly trained and skilled people on the planet.
He just kind of looks pissed.
Sam's heart sinks.
“Tones,” Rhodey sighs. “Look, don't be mad at anyone but — ”
“With all due respect, Jim, I think all of you contributed to the events of last night.”
Behind Stark, Steve's arrived to deliver this very Captain America-ish line. He has the disappointed eyebrow furrow. Sam feels ashamed.
Bucky shifts, visibly putting himself further behind Vision. Vision sends the man an unimpressed look.
Stark edges away from Steve, obviously uncomfortable with Steve near him. He makes a small frustrated noise. “I can't believe all of you. This is beyond inappropriate.”
Natasha's been watching with studious eyes. “We didn't act out of professionalism, Tony.”
“Oh, so you acted as friends?” Steve asks, sardonically. “This was inappropriate, even then. You all know our... past.”
Stark's nodding in agreement, most likely glaring behind his sunglasses.
For all of their dislike towards each other, Sam thinks sullenly, they still can somehow team up to make all of us feel like shit.
“Mr. Stark,” Peter stands. “It really was all my idea. I… The others really can't take any blame.”
Tony opens his mouth, but can't seem to say anything. Steve clears his throat, pointedly, and Stark snaps it shut.
“But you didn't force them to help convince me,” Stark argues.
Steve nods. “And you didn't force Falcon, Widow, and White Wolf — ” oh God, he's talking with codenames “ — to contribute in this debacle.”
Peter's mouth works, the gears of his brain almost visibly turning as he searches for a response, but Stark just shakes his head, which makes the kid slump in his seat.
Stark looks over to Steve. Steve's jaw clenches. Sam feels dread rising in him — here comes the punishments.
It's quiet for an excruciating long time, before Steve sighs. He then looks to Stark, who nods in confirmation. Sam feels like he's back in grade school when his teacher and his mother would stare him down while they'd telepathically negotiate his sentence for the classroom crimes he committed.
Steve straightens. “You’ll all be going over extensive training to hopefully lead you away from your intrusive habits. The drills we have planned for you all will strain your abilities. And as you work…”
“Stevie and I will be drinking mimosas and making out,” Stark finishes, sliding his glasses off his face. He grins. “Happy muscle strains, meddlers.”
There's a gasp somewhere in the room, and Sam's beginning to think that those are coming from Bucky.
Sam, himself, laughs. “No way!”
“It worked!” Peter exclaims. He looks to be on the verge of fainting.
Bucky's already holding Steve in a headlock. “You got the guy, huh, Stevie?”
As they start wrestling, Sam dives in to not miss out on the action. Natasha and Rhodey rush to Tony.
“You ass!” Rhodey's complaining. “I thought I'd have to kick Rogers's ass for breaking your heart!”
Natasha's smiling. “You both did very well on your little theatrics. I couldn't even tell you were lying.”
“Probably because of the guilt overwhelming you,” Stark informs her, before kicking Sam's leg, who's holding Steve down. “Hey, don't hurt the merchandise.”
He doesn't get too close to Bucky, but it's not so concerning. Tony Stark and Steve Rogers are dating . They've grown. And Bucky will grow. So will Tony. They'll all grow. And they'll do it together.
Peter's hugging Stark from behind. “This is so great, Mr. Stark, you're already so happy, I'm so happy for you, and Mr. Rogers, too, you guys are so cute together, Mr. Stark, I swear you two are such a power couple, legends honestly — ”
Stark grips Peter's hands, and he's failing to hide a smile. “Whatever, Peter, I still can't believe you registered me in to that dating app.”
Vision walks over, and he's smiling, as well. There's a lot of smiles everywhere. “Tony, I think this means — ”
Stark — Tony? Can Sam call him Tony? — groans. “Oh my God, no, Vision, no, I know what you and Wanda like to do to new couples.”
Steve untangles himself from the hassle long enough to blink up at them. “What is it?”
Vision shrugs, innocently. “Wanda and I were thinking of couples’ tennis?”
Steve laughs, loud and bright, and Sam is taken aback. In the five years he's known Steve, he's never heard the laugh so happy.
Sam's smiling, too, now. Damn it.
“C’mon, sweetheart, we can beat them,” Steve says, standing.
“Steve, darling, as much as I appreciate the confidence, his girlfriend can move things with her mind,” Tony protests. “We really won't be able to.”
Steve laughs again before leaning in and kissing his new boyfriend. Peter leaps away, shrieking, from where he was wrapped around Tony. It's a very domestic scene.
“Get a room!” Banner groans. “C’mon, guys.”
Natasha sighs. “All of that unresolved sexual tension that's been amounting for close to a decade is going to be used up, now. What were we thinking?”
Banner laughs. “Well, at least we don't actually have to do those drills. I was about to Hulk out just to escape it.”
He's met with agreeing laughter. That's when Steve pulls away from Tony, expression one of confusion.
“No, you're all still doing the drills,” he says slowly.
Tony arches an eyebrow at them. “Did you really think your guys’ little tricking games would come out with no punishment?”
The other occupants all glance at each other.
“They did,” Tony says wondrously.
Steve smirks.
———
It's a lot of training.
But Steve shaves every morning and Tony hums when he thinks no one's listening. Steve laughs a lot more with Tony looking well-rested and happier than ever.
Though Peter and Sam take all the credit for it at Steve and Tony's wedding a year later, FlickLove is still sent a large check of a whole lot of money from a secret endorser.
And they all grow.
And it works.