Work Text:
3. First inside joke
“Y’know, Red, if you think about it…”
Oh, no. She knew where this was going.
“... You could say that you were raised by the mafia.”
“Player, I wasn’t raised by the mafia.” Carmen argued. “I can’t go around saying I was.”
“But you can’t tell people the whole truth, either! You’re gonna have to lie away the stuff you can do if anyone ever notices, like putting up a persona to keep your identity safe.” The hacker insisted, and she could just picture him leaning forward in his chair and grinning. “The mafia is totally believable. Plus, then you have the option of scaring people who think you have a scary mob boss parent!”
“I’m not going to go around telling people I was raised by the mafia just to intimidate them.”
Player sighed. “Well, okay. You could still totally pass for it though.”
And, well, he wasn’t exactly wrong. It was exactly that conversation that started it all, though, and Carmen wasn’t sure at first what to think of it.
It only came up again, for the second time, in the middle of a mission. A few too many things going wrong, a building that Player couldn’t get the floorplan of, and an employee who was a bit too perceptive all culminated into what Carmen would call a ridiculous mess.
“What are you doing in here? I thought I told you already, nobody’s allowed back here!” The person shouted, making a grab for her. Carmen ducked back, trying to think fast. “How did you even get in here? I locked the door!”
“You better get him off your tail, Red. You’ll never get ahold of the artifact if they find out why you’re really there.”
“I, I… er…” Faced down by a withering and unimpressed glare, Carmen choked. She needed an excuse, an out, and fast. Something believable, something that could explain her behavior away. The words were out of her mouth before she could consider how smart they really were. “I’m, I was raised in the mafia!”
The employee stared.
Carmen wanted to slap herself.
And Player roared with laughter.
“I uh, I mean… I really like exploring places you don’t normally get to see, you know? And my uh, my dad, you see, wanted me to take over the family business so he taught me all the tricks of the trade, yeah… and uh… but I didn’t like that! So I just want to. Explore. Places I’m not supposed to see…?”
He just blinked, and she could see the gears turning in his head - or maybe force stopped from a wrench thrown in them. Debating whether she was joking or not, no doubt.
Player, meanwhile, could be heard distantly wheezing on the floor.
“Oooookay… I don’t really need your life story, lady, but you’re still not allowed back here. Come on, just… Go explore some other business’s off limits rooms, okay? I don’t get paid enough to deal with this.”
“Oh my god that actually worked-- ” Player’s voice drifted in, breathless and far away. Carmen couldn’t say anything to him as she was led from the off limits area, and mourned the lack of a video feed to glare at him through. Free to continue as he pleased without reprimand, the hacker started laughing again. “I can’t believe you actually went there, you actually said it, Red I think I’m dying over here I can’t breathe. ”
“Zip it.” She hissed under her breath, tried to look innocent when the employee side eyed her, and hoped he couldn’t hear Player’s cackling through her earpiece.
“Watch out, Zack. If you corner Carmen, she’ll tell you about her stint in the mafia.” Player smirked over the call, staring pointedly at the red thief as he spoke.
“What? Carm, you were in the mafia?” The ginger whipped around to stare at her, eyes wide and jaw slack.
“Ugh.” Carmen sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose and giving Player a look over it. He only grinned wider, faintly gestured his head toward their other friend, and winked.
Okay, maybe it was a little funny.
“...Yup, totally, didn’t I ever tell you?” She finally said, a sarcastic lilt to her voice that Zack completely missed.
“No! Tell me more!”
“My mafia parents tried to fight V.I.L.E. and that’s how they ended up taking me and raising me at the Academy instead.” She made the sarcasm heavier, trying to make Zack see the joke. It… didn’t really work, so she just gave up and went with it. “So basically, I’m the poster child of not one, but two super secret crime organizations. Well, one more secret than the other.”
“Whoa! Sis, our Carm’s a super villain twice over!” He turned and voiced his astonishment to Ivy, whose only reaction was to facepalm. “What? Was it somethin’ I said?”
Meanwhile, Player had buried his face into his arms, choked giggles escaping him. He tried once to face them and say something, only to fall right back into cackling all over again once he set eyes on his friends.
“What? Am I missin’ somethin’?”
And that was the last straw before Player completely lost it , his face red as he slid out of his chair and out of sight, his howling only slightly muffled from the floor. “I can’t breeeathe,” he wheezed, and then Carmen couldn’t hold it back anymore either, infected by his contagious laughter.
Okay, maybe it was kind of, really funny. Not that she’d admit it.