Chapter Text
It had been a few months since Jay’s awakening of his bisexuality. He still didn’t truly know how to handle it. On one hand he felt like he was forty when he would have threesomes with his couch cushion and pillow, on the other hand everything else was really difficult. It had never really been hard for Jay to show how he felt, sure he would get nervous from time to time, but when he started thinking of boys as an option it made him sweat like... A LOT.
It felt like he had found a secret world in his porn game. Jay didn’t know how to go about in this ‘new world’ because all the previous levels were with girls and now they had guys. So what weapons and skills should he equip?
Jay was starring at his phone, his thumbs hovering over the keyboard, wondering how to phrase it. He was trying to figure out what to text Matthew. Jay never had trouble really coming up with pickup lines or being straight forward, but he knew Matthew didn’t like that type of stuff. And as far as he knew, Matthew was the only option for a love interest as a male who liked boys. Jay didn’t want to just date Matthew to know what it felt like to date a dude, he also wanted to date Matthew because well... he liked him. Which is what did spark his finding of his sexuality in the first place.
He took a deep breath and then let his bluntness take over. He reread the text before he sent it, then trying to let the anxiety go, he sent it out. Within seconds he saw the three bubbles pop up. It made him cringe, trying to look away from his phone.
“JAY DINNER!” His mother had shouted. Jay pushed his phone against the bed, gripping it. He was about to scream back, but instead felt a vibration in his hand from his phone. He quickly picked up his phone and saw the reply, then he really did scream. He started smiling like an idiot, then the moment was ruined when his motel pillow spoke.
“Jay did you even hear a word I just said?” She snapped, she had been one of Jay’s... sex toys. They really weren’t real, just a figment of Jay’s imagination to fill the empty void that he pushed away. He just wanted human contact.
“Uh... of course!” He said scratching the back of his head, Jay’s confidence lacking. “Then tell me, what’s going on?” Jay started laughing nervously. How could he explain this? “Show me your phone right now or no sex for a week!” The pillow snapped and Jay groaned, “Pam never treated me like this,” he muttered. “Now Jay!” Jay got up from his bed, finding words to explain his situation. He saw his travel backpack in the corner of his eyes and a plan formulated in his head.
“Ya, ya of course! I just need to do something real quick—“ Jay grabbed a smoke magic trick and threw it to the ground as he grabbed his backpack and jumped out the window onto his trampoline. He started running and made it to the park he sometimes would hangout at if things got hectic, granted it wasn’t a safe park. Jay sat on the bench and looked at his texts with Matthew, it read:
Jay:Hey are you doing anything tonight?
Matthew:why? are you trying to play another game or smooch or share?
Jay:Hey that’s pretty funny
Matthew:ya i know that’s why i texted it dumbass.
Jay:You never answered my question
Matthew:i guess i already made fun of you, so i’m free for the rest of the night.
Jay:Can I come over? I miss you
Matthew:that’s gay.
Jay:So you don’t miss me?
Matthew:of course i do.
Jay:You still haven’t answered my question
Matthew:well, what do you want to do?
As Jay was reading them he felt a faint smile on his lips, butterflies in his stomach. It was similar feelings he had for Jessi, but now for Matthew. The following texts was what Jay had screamed about.
Jay:I believe a game of smooch or share was mentioned
Matthew:bring an overnight bag.
Jay had received another text shortly after reading it, it was Matthew’s address. Jay had never been over to Matthew’s house, so he plugged in the address on his phone and saw the walking distance, ten minutes, not too bad.
-ten minutes later whoops-
Jay:I’m here
Matthew:do you want to try knocking?
Jay put his phone in his back pocket and knocked on the door, it was opened in seconds by Matthew. At first Jay thought it was Matthew’s brother. His hair was kind of messy and he was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt. It was a new sight. Jay had been use to seeing him in a ‘plastic doll’ type of way. He had never seen Matthew like this, but he almost preferred it.
“Get in before I change my mind,” Matthew said rolling his eyes, hiding a smile.
“Okay, okay, I got it!” Jay said walking in, trying to not stare at Matthew for too long.
Jay followed Matthew around his house, looking at every last part he could. “You’re house is really nice,” Jay commented. Matthew’s house wasn’t huge or anything like the Birch’s, but it wasn’t a hellhole like his house. It was a nice medium. It had two floors, one was the main floor then there was the basement.
Jay hadn’t even noticed that Matthew had faltered when he walked as he said that until he bumped into him. That triggered Matthew to say something and not just stand still.
“Uh ya... thanks I guess,” Matthew muttered and kept walking, Jay was lost in confusion.
“So it’s cool with your parents that I’m sleeping over?” Jay asked, noticing how he hadn’t really seen or heard anyone else since he got in the house, granted it hadn’t been that long. It was just strangely quiet.
“They don’t know,” he said as he made his way downstairs, Jay following behind.
“Should I whisper?” Jay said in a hushed tone and Matthew started laughing as he reached the final step.
“They’re not home Jay.” Matthew then muttered something else under his breath that Jay couldn’t quite catch.
“So it’s just us?”
“Why, did you want to add my mom into the mix?” Matthew joked, but Jay couldn’t help but exaggerate a gag for Matthew, who ended up laughing slightly.
“So how do we do this?” Matthew asked taking a seat on a couch that was in front of a tv.
“How do we do... what?” Jay asked in a dumbfounded manner, he still really wasn’t sure what Matthew meant.
“How do we do Nick’s stupid game, but skip to the part where we make out and skip all this awkward shit?” Matthew asked sitting down on the couch, Jay taking a seat by him.
“Okay well for starters, we could just kiss and skip the share,” Jay suggested as they both smiled subtly, though Matthew didn’t want to admit it, he really liked Jay. Jay had no problem letting Matthew know, but the other just couldn’t quite trust it.
“Yeah okay, so...” Matthew said as he pulled his legs underneath him.
“So... tell me when to stop,” Jay started and was stiff as a board, they both were.
“Yeah... yeah okay,” then Jay leaned in and kissed Matthew’s lips. Both, almost simultaneously, relaxed.
A few minutes had gone by before they got closer to each other, Matthew’s arm as hung around Jay’s neck and Jay’s hand was messing with Matthew’s orange-ish hair. Jay pulled away after about ten minutes of making out to comment, “you’re really good at this.”
Matthew pulled back a lot, Jay’s hand falling out of his head. “Cut to the chase Jay,” Matthew said in snappy tone.
“Wait, wait, wait, hold on, what?” Jay asked putting his hands up.
“Why are you being nice? This isn’t like you,” Matthew turned around to face him.
“I just, I missed you! I missed being around you and shit!“ Jay was starting to scream, he did have a bit of a temper at times.
“Wow very romantic,” he laughed at how easily Jay had gotten riled up.
“Why can’t you just accept that? Why can’t you just let me compliment you and fucking let me like you?” He was raising his voice now.
“Because no one else has! Because I’m just a momentary part in everyone’s lives. Because I’m the little queer who is just to try stuff out on.”
“Matthew... I didn’t know—“ Jay was cut off.
“You’re confused about your sexuality so you came here to try it out again just to leave later and find a stable significant other. This is just a fling to you and you’re whole—“
“But it’s not!” Jay said, tears had been pricking at both their eyes, but none falling out.
The air became thick, silence had made itself at home. It lasted for about half a minute, but what felt like an eternity.
“I want something serious. I want to be there for you and I want to annoy you like all day every day. I want to be around you all the time and—“ before Jay could finish he felt Matthew’s lips against his own. It was nice and slow, nothing heated about it. It was just... perfect.
As they kissed, it turned into making out again. It wasn’t sexual or anything, it was just not wanting to separate from each other. Jay moved his hand to Matthew’s hand and held it, Matthew squeezed Jay’s hand reassuring him it was fine.
They pulled away after awhile, both breathing heavily to catch their breath.
“Wow.” Silence filled the air for a bit, both not sure what to say.
“That was good right?” Matthew asked, not usually one for self doubt or questioning, but he was being vulnerable.
“It was really good,” Jay commented and leaned back against the couch, Mathew moved in closer to him.
They laid like that for awhile, Matthew resting his head on Jay’s shoulder and their hands intertwined.
“I’m sorry that happened to you by the way, that sucks.” Jay liked this feeling a lot. He hadn’t really had this before. Sure he dated Jessi, but she didn’t really like being touchy, which was fine, that’s just what Jay kind of needed.
“Hmm?” Matthew lazily questioned back, not sure to what Jay had meant.
“That um you kind of got taken advantage of for um—“
“Oh yeah, well I mean it’s not like I was forced to do anything, but it’s just kind of annoying. I never like... kissed anyone or anything, you know that. I just mean, people would try to warm up to me with compliments to get on the morning announcements, then leave and never say anything. Some people would just try and warm me up just to ask me question about being gay and I guess doing that for their own... good. A few people tried to talk me into kissing them so they could know what it would be like if they were gay... but I saved it and then wasted it on a dumbass,” Matthew said laughing and Jay rolled his eyes.
Usually he would probably yell ‘hey’ or something, but right now things just seemed perfect. He was laying down with someone that cared about him and they were intimately talking, he missed that.
“Well this dumbass is grateful.” They both sat in the comfort of each other. It was like they had said everything they needed to in saying nothing. After awhile Matthew piped up.
“Hey Jay, can I... can I talk to you about... something...”
“Yeah go for it.”
“Well I um another reason I feel uncared for is because my family... they never really seem to care. They’re never really there for me and never listen to me. I use to live in Texas and it’s not like I loved it there, but I had a few friends. Anyways, one day we had to leave and then we came here My parents are always out of the house and it just... they only seem to care about me when guests are around... I thought if I could put up walls that way no one could hurt me...” Matthew bit his lip, holding back tears, Jay could feel his heartbeat pick up, since they were so close.
“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay,” Jay wasn’t usually one to calm people down, but it was kind of like an instinct that kicked in when he saw people emotionally distressed, like when he saw Coach Steve almost cry over a magic trick he’d done.
Matthew curled himself closer to Jay and let out a few distressed sighs and muttered a ‘thanks’ at some point. Their hands had disconnected at this point so Jay started to slowly comb through Matthew’s hair with his fingers.
“Please don’t tell anyone,” Matthew mumbled through a few tears, Jay kept him close.
“I won’t, but hey... if you ever need to not be lonely just text me.” Matthew nodded and at some point said ‘okay’.
As they both laid on Matthew’s couch the two closed their eyes in content. For the two had almost forgotten the feeling of being lonely when they were in each other’s presence. They would never be lonely again.