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Jungkook shot up from bed in a cold sweat. His heart threatening to jump out of his chest and his mind still a bit unsure if this is reality or his imagination. He gives a big sigh and rubs his face with his hand, glancing at the time on his phone and standing up to get something to drink to calm himself down.
Tonight had brought a different dream.
It was sometime in the way distant past, before Korea became a nation and when all those traditional clothes were trendy and fashionable. While looking through all the peculiar artifacts and foods a traveling merchant was selling, he heard a pair of bells ring. He had somehow known deep down in that moment that the next person he saw would be the one he was destined to marry. Then he heard her laughter before he saw her, such a melody to his ears that was almost familiar. When he turned to his left the air in his lungs had been cut short, that mysterious person that appeared in every one of his dreams recently had walked out of the caravan.
She was wearing clothes that were very different from everyone else in town, her hair styled very peculiarly, her mannerism was animated and out of place, and her accent was thick and obviously not from the region. She was the traveling merchant's daughter, and she would leave in three weeks time, and Jungkook was already falling for someone who hasn't even looked in his direction. Then everything went black, and suddenly he was cradling a baby boy, his son. His nose exactly like hers, and his eyes somehow the same shade too. He realized he was older now, with a wedding band in his left hand and her, on a bed by a fire with sweat dripping from every pore from the long hours of labor, smiling at him and their third child. Her smile was still as beautiful, but her eyes were losing their spark, and she closed them only to never open them again.
Walking into the kitchen of his small one-floor shared apartment, he quickly served himself some cold water to collect his thoughts. Why did he kept dreaming of this girl whose name he still doesn't know? Why is she so constant even when the dreams are not? Why is it that his heart aches every time she leaves him?
"Heartbreak" Yoongi states, "At the end of every dream you lose this mystery girl, that pain you feel it's your dream self getting heart broken." he shrugs as if it was an obvious answer. The eyes of the blonde-dyed music major never leaving the computer screen, his response more confusing than helpful to the younger boy. How could he be heartbroken from a dream? "Kid, I'm not a dream expert but I am an expert on heartache. Feelings are confusing and unreliable, they fuck you over and they will rip your sanity to shreds if you let them. Don't fall for someone that can't love you back-" the older faltered momentarily in his work, flickering his eyes to the picture of him, the boy he's been in love with since high school, and his fiancee "-you will only hurt yourself in the end."
Being an art major had its pros, one of them being that he was able to carry sketchbooks as big as he wanted and draw the passing people without much question. But his pages haven’t been filled with everyday people ever since he started having those dreams, instead Jungkook would try and remember every detail of the girl he keeps seeing in his dreams. The color of her hair, the shape of her eyes, the curve of her nose, the plumpness of her lips, anything he could remember. Yet in every sketch there was always things missing or that didn’t feel right, if you flipped through the pages you would see the same girl, but Jungkook could spot the hidden differences in each one, it bothered him.
“Well, it makes sense no?” Namjoon reasoned, leaning back on his sofa looking at the ceiling, a coffee cup in his hands, “You meet her in a different setting every time, a different time period too, even different parents! So, she’s not always gonna be the exact same, her makeup could make her look different, her clothes too, and even the place where she’s from can make a detail about her change.” The older boy looked at him with a gentle smile, Jungkook sighed from his spot on the other side of the couch.
He guessed it made sense.
But he didn’t want hypotheticals anymore, he needed to know who this mystery girl was, and he wanted to know why she keeps appearing in his dreams. Namjoon hummed, “Maybe she’s the girl you’re predestined to love, who knows?” the young artist looked at Namjoon like he grew an extra head, “It’s just an idea!” Namjoon put his hands up defensively, “I’m not sayings it’s the ultimate truth, but why not?”
He was dreaming again, waiting at the altar and wearing a white tuxedo. The people surrounding him all smiling and anticipating for the wedding to start, the church was very vintage looking and the guests dressed with attires from the 50’s. He could feel his heart and his mind shaking unsteadily, nervousness and doubt were becoming more and more present, and then he heard the church bells.
The choir began to sing along with the organ, he turned around slowly and unsure, and then he felt peace.
She walked into the room in her white dress, made of lace and with long sleeves. The trail of the dress was mid length, and the corset gave her an hourglass silhouette, her hair was tied up in a very simple bun and her veil reached down to her waist. The bouquet she carried was made of sweet peas, lily of the valley’s and white roses, and her eyes were filled with adoration.
It almost seemed as she floated towards him, hypnotizing him and captivating everyone present with her glow and happiness. He felt his knees trembling and he almost fell to his knees, his eyes wide and a goofy smile adorning his lips. He held her hand and helped her up the steps, walking towards the priest together, and beginning the rest of their lives as husband and wife. The ceremony passed fast; wedding vows were exchanged, rings placed on their predestined fingers, and finally sealing the promise of forever with a gentle kiss in front of the congregation.
It wasn’t the first time Jungkook woke up crying because of her, but it had been his first time crying over a happy moment ever since he began to dream about her. The morning light glanced at his features from behind the curtains, he could hear the cars passing by and a bird or two singing from his window. It was a peaceful morning, and the only alarming noise in the room was his beating heart. Jungkook rushed out of his full-sized bed and towards his bag where he kept his sketching book, he needed to draw her before he forgot her.
He put every detail he could remember, her features permanently engraved in his mind and easily flowing out of his dull pencil as he sketched. He felt himself go insane, obsessed with a girl he didn’t even know if existed. At the very least she could be just her muse, a goddess haunting his dreams and inspiring his creative mind.
Yeah, that did sound as stupid and crazy as he felt.
He needed to get over this stupid obsession with this unknown girl.
Jimin wiped the sweat off his forehead with his lucky forest green towel, catching his breath and picking up his water bottle, “I think you should try and see where this goes, like, okay so this chick is important to you for some reason. Why not figure out why?” he drank from the bottle, leaving Jungkook with his thoughts for a couple of seconds. It made some type of sense, his hyung was basically telling him to get closure, to go all the way until the end so he can get over her. It was a genius idea. Jimin chuckled with a big, teasing smile “I’m not top of the class for nothing, of course it’s a genius idea kookie.” Jungkook flickered the silver haired boy on his forehead before walking away.
He was standing in front of the actual library, the mythological place where students would go to do whatever it is you do at a library. Jimin-hyung had said that if he was serious about going all the way to start at this place, which makes no sense because what do people even do in libraries? Jungkook felt a hand land on his shoulders, a dramatic voice booming next to his ear “So you finally decided to follow into the amazing footsteps of your hyung huh? Well I do not blame you for wanting to be as successful as me young grasshopper, after all I am the be-” Jungkook turned and squished Seokjin-hyung’s face while simultaneously making baby noises, the brunette acting major immediately started to fume at the undignifying action. “Yah! Stop right now! How dare you! I have done nothing but raise you and feed you and you repay me with this disrespect?! You little-”
Jungkook giggled and let his elder go before he became seriously angry at him. Seokjin fixed his hair and clothes while mumbling his annoyance at the younger boy, “Anyways, what are you even doing in front of the library? Are you failing a class?” He wasn’t, he needed some type of information and this was the first step according to Jimin. “Bah! What does Jimin possibly know about getting information? I’ll take it from here then, you’re welcome. Now if you want real information, you gotta go to the most reliable source of public information, the internet.”
And that’s how Jungkook ended at the cafe Hoseok works at instead of the library. It was a very cozy place to be fair, the inside had a modern design to it but with a lot of wood accents and beige coloring. He was sitting in one of the booths that were next to the big windows that overlooked the street. Researching, clicking and refreshing the web pages to hunt down any clues. A warm cup of espresso was laid next to his computer. Looking up, he was greeted with Hoseok-hyung’s bright smile. “Thought you might need a pick me up!” he patted his back, then rested his hand on Jungkook’s shoulder “What are you doing?” Jungkook tried to explain how he’s looking for a girl in the internet. “Online dating huh? Well, I can’t say it doesn’t work but I would have you try picking up someone before using an app kookie.” Jungkook pouts and explains he’s not looking for a date, but his dream girl. Not his soulmate but the girl he’s been dreaming of lately, he sighs in defeat. “Well, good luck to you then. When you find her don’t forget to ask her out! Maybe not to my wedding, that would be a creepy first date.”
Jungkook knows Hoseok-hyung means well, but it’s hard to take the advice of someone who met the love of his life while hanging out with his bestie, Yoongi-hyung, and is now planning a fairytale wedding with Taehyungie-hyung.
Taehyungie-hyung.
Taehyung! Oh what a dumbass! He totally forgot the perfect person to ask for advice in this type of ridiculous situations, his partner in crime, his PB to his Jam, Taehyung! He was more of a realistic person, whereas Jungkook was an idealistic one. Which made wonders for his artistic career but not so much for his everyday life. However, Taehyung was also a huge sap and artistic person, just like Jungkook, and how did he not think about his favorite hyung in the entire world before? He would be the best chance at getting closure with this girl than anyone he could think of.
“Your dreaming muse huh? That’s kind of romantic.” Jungkook whined in faked annoyance. Taehyung just giggled at him, “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.” he gives him a boxy apologetic smile “So, tell me everything you know about her.” He told her how she’s been plaguing his dreams, how she always capture his poor heart just to break it later. He tells Taehyung about every drawing he made of her, and how his hands have her features memorized but the details are blurred. He explains how at the beginning it was just a painting muse, but now he needed to confirm her reality, he’s been dreaming of her for so long now that he doesn’t know if he’s going insane or if his loneliness is finally catching up to him.
Taehyung takes a sip from his tea, processing the information, “Show me how she looks Kookie.” And he does, and he sees his hyung’s eyes light up. “I’ve seen her before! It was a long time ago, but I can swear I have. She’s a local celebrity back in Daegu, ran a lot of marathons or something, maybe we can see her in action or something.”
Jungkook wasn’t sure if he wanted to travel a two hour train ride just to see someone for maybe five minutes tops.
“C’mon, you wanted closure. Now that you know she’s real it’s gonna eat you alive that you will never get to talk to her, I’ll pay for the fare and everything, you got nothing to lose except your peace of mind Kook.” And goddamn was he right.
But a two hour long train ride, and half an hour of search would have never prepared Jungkook for when he finally met her.
No words, no advice, and no wishes could have ever foreshadowed this moment.
Walking down the street, towards the local training gym is a temple, housing hundreds of tombstones and memorials. It was a peaceful place, and it was also a shortcut to the gym. He had stopped to tie one of his shoelaces that had come undone, only to find out that the grave he had kneeled in front of was of the same person he’d been looking for.
Jungkook stood up to his full length, reading “Here lies ___ ____, a great athlete, a kind soul and a good daughter. May she rest in peace. 19xx-2016”.
In the distance, a pair of bells hanging from a ribbon ringed.