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Time to Bring This Ship Into the Shore

Summary:

It's time to put the plan into action. Castiel joins Dean and Sam's Tuesday Burger & Beer Night as Sam's fake husband to get Becky to back off. Dean is confused by them not dropping the act when Becky takes off, and when he finds out the truth, he doesn't exactly handle it well.

Notes:

Written for SPN Fluff Bingo
Square: sat on his lap instead of the chair

Written for SPN AU Bingo
Square: Fake Dating

Work Text:

Castiel had a chemistry lab on Tuesdays and then a study date with Hannah and Rachel to prepare for their wildlife conservation midterm, so Sam was by himself when he met up with Dean for their Tuesday burgers and beer night. He got there a little before 6:30, to find Dean already there with a friend. “Heya, Sammy. This is Kevin, the new guy at work I keep telling you about.”

“Oh, the college boy? Hey, nice to meet you, Kevin.” Sam took a seat, and the waitress was over almost immediately to get a drink order from him. “Any sign of my stalker yet?”

“Nope. Of course, she usually doesn’t get here till seven, I asked Charlie.” Dean smirked. “It takes her that long to get home from work and make herself presentable for her boyfriend. Sammy, I raised you better than to make a girl make herself presentable for you!” A pause, and then Dean added, “Or a boy for that matter. Please tell me Cas won’t be showing up in a suit. Becky would start wearing formal dresses just to one-up him.”

“Even Cas has the sense not to wear a suit to chem lab,” Sam said. At first, Cas had worn a suit to all his classes, although he changed into jeans and a T-shirt for labs. By the end of the first semester, he’d switched to jeans and T-shirt full-time, and there’d been a couple days where it was cold where he’d even gone to class in sweatpants. Sam tried to remember what Cas had worn that day, and he smiled as he remembered the blue T-shirt with the dive-bombing angels labeled “God’s Air Force.” It was perfect, so he sent Cas a quick text asking him not to go home and change like he’d been thinking about. On the one hand, the suit made Castiel feel confident; on the other hand, Sam was sure that he didn’t need it, and it would get him there earlier.

 

Kevin was fun to hang out with, and when he complained about asshole professors who changed due dates at the last minute, Sam nearly choked on his beer. “Professor Adler? The required composition class?”

“Yeah, actually. You know him?”

“My husband’s in that class, too. I get to hear a lot about that dude, none of it complimentary.”

“Oh shit, your husband is Castiel Novak? We all thought he was joking when he showed up with that ring on Monday!” Kevin shook his head. “I’m glad you said something before I messed everything up for you. Dean briefed me on the Becky thing before bringing me.”

“Speaking of, look who just walked in.” Dean jerked his head at the door. Sam didn’t turn to look. He did not want to encourage Becky at all.

It didn’t stop Becky from being encouraged, naturally. She walked over, glaring daggers at Kevin. “If that’s your husband, don’t you think he’s a little young for you?”

“I’m not his husband, and I’m older than I look.” Kevin held up his beer as proof. Sam glanced at Dean, who just raised an eyebrow. “I work with Dean.”

“I’ve never seen you before, and I know Dean’s friends,” Becky said, not letting up her glare.

“Kevin’s new,” Sam explained. “I hadn’t met him before tonight, either.”

“So where is your alleged husband?”

Sam pulled out his phone to check the time. “On his way. He had stuff to do at college and wasn’t gonna be able to get here until 7:15 at the earliest. He didn’t see any reason for me to wait for him, so I came on over to hang out with Dean.”

Becky crossed her arms. “So your husband is a college student?”

“Yep. Joined the Air Force after high school, started college after he got out. He’s older than me.” Sam checked his phone again, this time pointedly flashing his ring. “About ten minutes.” Ten minutes until one of the greatest trollings of Sam’s life began.

Becky grabbed his hand. “That’s new. Why haven’t you worn it before?”

“It’s an heirloom that got lost and then had to be resized. It meant a lot to Cas to use this ring, and I was happy to wait for it.” Sam looked at it and grinned. “Totally not what I would have picked, but it came from Cas. I love it.”

Dean shot him a look, non-verbally warning Sam that he was laying it on a little thick. Becky squeed a little, but then caught herself and went back to a suspicious glare. Kevin jumped in to change the subject with a story about a weird fight two of his classmates had gotten into after a composition class.

 

Sam found out Castiel had arrived when a pair of arms wrapped around him. “Hello, Sam.”

“Hey, Cas.” Sam turned enough to kiss Castiel’s cheek. “How was school?”

“Good. Hello, Kevin, I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Yeah. Sorry about doubting you yesterday, man. Should’ve known you wouldn’t lie about something that awesome.” Kevin held out a fist for Cas to bump.

Castiel did, and then sat on Sam’s lap. He looked over at Becky, head tilted. “Did Dean forget to mention a new girlfriend…?”

“No. This is Becky, the girl I told you about when I asked you to come with me tonight.” Sam put an arm around Castiel’s waist. “Becky, this should probably be obvious, but this is my husband Castiel.”

Becky’s lips pursed as she looked Castiel over. “Is there a reason you’re in Sam’s lap instead of a chair like a normal person?”

“If you were married to Sam, wouldn’t you take any opportunity you could to sit in his lap and show off?” Castiel narrowed his eyes at her. “Especially when you know there are women around who are interested and don’t seem to understand the word no.” Becky opened her mouth to fight back, but Castiel cut her off. “Sam is my husband, and I do not share. Least of all with people who refuse to show others respect.”

Becky tried to retort, but nothing came out before she ran off in tears. Sam shifted uncomfortably. “Now I feel kind of bad.”

“Don’t,” Dean snapped. “She had it coming, and I’d bet you this still doesn’t get through to her all the way. Cas, you may have to come another couple times just to convince her.”

Castiel nodded gravely. “I think I should just start coming every week unless it’s a designated brothers-only week. I wouldn’t want there to be other Beckies just lying in wait.”

“Me neither.” Sam kissed Castiel’s cheek. “Thanks. I told you you should be coming with me all along, you and Dean have been friends longer than you and I have, you’re not intruding.”

“I know. Anna was just telling me I needed to get out more. Hannah and Rachel informed me that study groups are not considered a social life.”

“They’re not? Dean, I think I need to go back to college too, I apparently did it wrong.” Sam reached for a french fry, but got stopped by Castiel picking one up to feed him. The look on Dean’s face was so worth the mild embarrassment.

Kevin finished off his beer and handed Dean some money. “Thanks for inviting me. I’ve gotta get to class, but this was fun. Nice to meet you, Sam.”

“What kind of class happens at this time of night?” Dean asked, glancing at his watch.

“Stargazing, basically. We would meet during the day, but there’s so much light pollution it’s hardly worth it,” Kevin snarked. “See you in class tomorrow, Castiel.”

 

Once Kevin was gone, Dean stared at Sam and Castiel. “You know you can get off his lap now, right, Cas? Becky’s not coming back, no one else is gonna bother us, you can stop pretending?”

“I could do that, but on the other hand, I can stay in Sam’s lap where it’s comfy and I already am and Sam’s in easy reach.” Castiel picked up another French fry to feed Sam. “This is fine.”

Dean decided not to argue, at least for the moment. The waitress was rather amused when she stopped by to get Castiel some food, but kept any comments to herself, at least. Dean kept watching them, more and more bemused, as they kept up the nauseatingly cute couple behavior. When Sam got challenged to a game of pool by another regular, Pastor Jim Murphy, Castiel went with him. Before Sam broke, he offered the cue to Castiel for a kiss.

“Okay, that’s it. Cas, c’mon, we need to have a chat.” Dean dragged Castiel away, leaving Sam to play pool by himself.

Jim raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you had a boyfriend.”

“I didn’t either, but after Becky wouldn’t leave me alone, I asked Cas to pretend to be my husband to get her to back off. Turns out he and I have been in love with each other for a while now, and that got us past the fear and misunderstandings to be together for real.” Sam glanced at where Dean and Castiel had gone. “Not telling Dean, well, that’s little brother trolling privilege.”

“But the two of you are not, in fact, married?” Jim clarified.

“No. Not yet.” Too late, Sam remembered that Jim knew he and Castiel were living together, and might have something to say about that as a pastor. Then again, it was Jim. He’d known Sam since he was a baby. He wouldn’t judge. Would he?

“Good.” Sam blinked, and Jim winked at him. “I’ve been your pastor for how long now? I call dibs on performing the ceremony.”

“You approve? Really? Even though we’ve been together less than a week?”

Jim set down his cue and put his hands on Sam’s shoulders. “I’ve known you most of your life, Sam. I only got to meet Castiel last summer, but I’ve heard you talk about him for years. Only you boys know your hearts, of course, which is why I never said anything to you, but I’ve thought for a while that you and Cas would be good partners if you chose to do that.”

“Thanks.” Sam focused on the game, using it to distract himself from the “chat” Dean and Castiel were having. He’d thought it was a shovel talk, but that shouldn’t be taking this long.

 

When Castiel came back in, Sam could read the irritation in every tense line of his body. He put an arm around Castiel, kissing his cheek. “You okay?”

“No. Your brother is infuriating sometimes.” Castiel shot a poisonous glare over at Dean, who was at the bar getting more beer. “He seems to find it easier to believe that I would lead you on only to break your heart than to believe that aroace is not exactly the perfect label for me, because there are exceptions.”

Jim took advantage of Sam’s distraction to sink the eight ball. “I’ll talk to Dean for you guys. He’s never listened to me the way Sam does, but maybe I can get through to him since he knows I’m protective of Sam too.”

“Thanks, Pastor Jim. Tell him I took Cas home, okay?” Jim nodded, so Sam took Castiel’s hand and led him to the car. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for my doubts about you.”

Castiel snorted. “That was a misunderstanding at first and then making sure that I really wanted this instead of just playing along to make you happy. Dean’s told me to either end this tonight or don’t end it at all, and I refused to tell him I’d do either. I certainly hope this never ends, but I refuse to allow Dean to dictate that.”

Sam leaned across the seat to hug Castiel. “I’m pretty sure he meant don’t end it at all because you suddenly remembered you’re aroace, not that you couldn’t end this because… I don’t know, because you decide you want to save the bees in Cambodia and I don’t want to leave America? Does Cambodia have bees?”

“Everywhere that has flowers has bees.” Castiel leaned into Sam’s hug. “I’m just upset that Dean would think I would do that to anyone, but especially to you.”

 

Sam had just pulled into the drive when Castiel’s phone rang. Castiel looked at it and handed the phone to Sam. “It’s Dean.”

“Hi, Dean, why are you being an ass to Cas?”

“I’m trying to apologize to Cas for being an ass. You didn’t have to sic Pastor Jim on me to do the disappointed dad routine, I’d have come to my senses pretty quick anyway. Let me talk to Cas?”

Sam looked over to Castiel and mouthed “He wants to apologize.” Castiel held out his hand, listening after a terse greeting. “Thank you, Dean. I appreciate that. In the future, try not to be an ass?” He hung up and put the phone away. “Dean apologized, and sounded sincere enough that I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“Fair enough. Come on, let’s go create a more pleasant ending for the night, huh?”