Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Will Things Ever Be the Same Again?

Gob Bluth studied his reflection in the mirror, analyzing every last detail for what had to be the millionth time. Hair? Perfect. Cool shirt? Check. Great pants? Of course, and all held up by a Gucci belt with a large G on it—his signature. He was definitely, definitely looking good. He smiled at himself and even gave himself a wink before finally pulling himself away and grabbing his backpack. A look at the clock told him he was already running behind schedule which, of course, wasn’t unusual for him. He was never one to run on time.

But, in his defense, how was he supposed to rush through getting dressed and ready for his first day of his senior year of high school? It was a big deal and everyone knew it.

Well, at least he knew it. When he got downstairs to the dining room and saw his mom fussing over his baby brother, he rolled his eyes. She obviously didn’t really care that her oldest son was about to have his last first day ever, not when her baby was getting ready for his first day of fifth grade. He stood back for a moment and watched, maybe sorta kinda hoping someone would notice him.

“I can’t believe my baby Buster is going to graduate elementary school!” She smoothed out his hair affectionately, even more lovingly in her actions than usual. “Soon you’ll be off at Milford and then college, and then you’ll be leaving me—”

“He still has nine more months, mother; he's not leaving your womb yet,” Michael pointed out, moving the juice box Buster had been eying away from him. Gob could tell by how Buster was swinging his legs that he had already had one juice earlier that day, and if he had a second before lunch, no one was going to make it out alive.

Lucille shot a glare at Michael, but at least it made her pull away from Buster. Unfortunately, that made her judgmental eyes land on Lindsay. “Do you really need all of that cream in your coffee?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

Lindsay slowly lowered her cup and shook her head. “No. I guess I…no. I didn’t mean to.” She pushed the mug to her twin and Lucille gave her an approving look before stepping away.

“You’re going to have some food, right?” Michael asked her once their mom was out of earshot.

“I’m not hungry,” Lindsay said defiantly. “I’ll eat at lunch.”

Michael nearly protested, but then Gob swooped in and stole the coffee from him and he got distracted. The cream had cooled it off enough Gob could chug it down, but he still made a face after. He hated coffee, but he liked the energy and focus it gave him.

“Hey! Senior boy!” Lindsay said, smiling up at her older brother. “Ready for the big day?”

“Hell yeah!"

"Language!" Gob's mom reprimanded him from the kitchen.

Gob rolled his eyes. That was all he could expect to get from her for his first day of his senior year.

“Isn’t it cool? We’re gonna graduate the same year!” Buster exclaimed.

“No one cares about elementary school graduations, Buster,” Gob said, hitting his little brother on the arm.

What? It was his right as an older brother. And, okay, maybe he felt some weird form of jealousy or something, but that wasn't the point.

“Mom cares,” Michael said reassuringly to their baby brother.

Gob snorted. Yeah, that was pretty obvious. “I’m surprised she didn’t make a banner for it,” Gob muttered

“She has to care about you being a senior, too,” Lindsay said, but she didn’t sound hopeful.

“Yeah, well, whatever,” Gob said. He hadn’t expected her to do anything special, not really. He had learned years ago to not expect his mom to make a fuss over him, at least not in a positive way. “You ready to go? We gotta go pick up Tony.”

While Newport Beach wasn’t some small town where everyone knew everybody, most people had lived there for years and years. It was rare to see new kids in the halls of the school buildings of the district, so when a new kid popped up in Gob’s grade, Gob obviously noticed him right away.

It also helped that, unlike the preppy outfits Gob and his friends and all the cool kids wore, Tony had shown up in mostly black, and that he was introduced as Antonio before he could insist that he went by Tony. In the WASP-y town of Newport Beach, a name like that, especially combined with the last name Wunderlich, was definitely an ear-catching one. And Gob, who had to always tell his new teachers every year to call him Gob and not George, couldn’t help but feel a bit of a connection over having a dumb name.

Still, while Gob had noticed him, he didn’t pay him much mind until they were paired together for a chemistry assignment. That was when things really heated up and boiled over. As in they definitely purposefully did the assignment wrong, made something blow up, and then had to serve a week’s worth of detention.

Totally worth it, and not just for the reputation it got them, and not just because it singed off part of their teacher’s eyebrows. It was worth it because it was what brought them together and made them friends, best friends, and changed their lives forever. The two soon became attached at the hip—well, some would say that, but neither of them cared for that phrase. And, really, it wasn’t like they walked with their hips touching or something weird like that. If anything, one of them was always following the other. But it wasn't like some "Following the Leader" thing like from Peter Pan or something. If it was anything like Peter Pan, it was like Peter and his Shadow.

Tony was obviously the Shadow because he wore mostly black and because, come on, Gob was Peter Pan. If anyone would ever be accused of being the boy who wouldn't grow up, it was gonna be Gob. 

But, anyways, Peter Pan wasn't the point. The point was that, yeah, it was an odd pairing. No one would’ve expected them to be friends, given that they seemed to be opposites on every spectrum. Tony, after some small growth spurts, remained short and compact, whereas Gob was so tall he had trouble finding pants that actually covered his ankles. Tony wore mostly black to Gob’s more colorful wardrobe. And, even personality wise, Gob gravitated towards people, and people gravitated towards him—he was fun and charming and, most importantly, rich, all of which made him popular—whereas Tony, while he could easily work up a crowd in a magic act, preferred one-on-one settings and stayed rather quiet.

But even with their differences, the two of them had done everything together over the past couple years, including starting a magic club. And the two really helped the other get by; while Tony had the book smarts that helped Gob pass some classes (and avoid some magic-related injuries), Gob’s popularity and charm made Tony, while not necessarily popular, definitely less of a target than a short, half-Jewish, former New Yorker would normally be in a preppy, southern California suburb.

And the two of them had grown so close that Gob didn’t even knock when he got to the Wunderlich house. It was basically his home away from home—and, actually, a lot of times it felt more like his home than his actual home. So, he simply opened the door and called out a greeting before heading towards the kitchen, Michael and Lindsay following him in. He was surprised anyone said any greeting back, given all the noise going on inside.

See, while the Wunderlichs had a lovely house, especially with the gorgeous rose bushes outside and the gate to the door, it was still much too small for their large family. You couldn’t even count all of the residents on one hand, and every day seemed to be more and more manic. That was half of why Gob loved going to their house. While his house offered him and Tony privacy to work on magic acts or just hang out mostly uninterrupted, he loved all the energy and pure chaos of the Wunderlich household.

“Gob! Hi!” Tony’s mom greeted him breathlessly as she managed to climb out of the maze of people in the kitchen. Two of her kids called out to Gob, but she told them, "Hey, you two, finish eating breakfast first!" She turned back to Gob and looked him over with a smile. “I can’t believe you and Antonio are seniors! And you look so handsome for your first day!”

“Thanks, Giulia,” Gob said before she wrapped him up in a hug. It was still weird receiving maternal warmth from anyone, enough that Gob still froze for a split second before hugging her back every time. He had always liked Tony's mom a lot, ever since she explained she also had people pronounce the "G" in her name wrong like he did. He pulled back with a bright smile as she went on to greet the twins.

“You’re going to be sophomores, right?” she asked them. They made brief small talk before she asked, “Have you eaten? Want to join us for some breakfast?”

Lindsay perked up a little before nodding her head. Michael smiled at his twin, happy to see her willing to eat. “Thank you, Mrs. Wunderlich,” Michael said.

Giulia smiled and shook her head. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?” Michael always had problems calling authority figures by their first names, even when they insisted. Gob was surprised he even said mother instead of Mrs. Bluth most of the time.

“Where’s Tony?” Gob asked as they went into the kitchen. He hadn’t seen him since the first few weeks of summer, because he went off to do some weird summer camp for Jewish kids. He did it every year, but it always felt like he had been gone forever. They actually wrote each other some letters back and forth that summer, but Gob was excited to finally see him in person again. Seeing Tony was one of Gob’s favorite things.

Lizzie, one of Tony’s younger sisters, was the one that answered. “He’s still getting ready; he found this hair gel and he won’t stop messing around with it.” The answer was accompanied by a large eye roll.

"Yeah, he’s trying to get rid of the Jewfro,” Daniel, Tony’s older brother, added.

That was the other thing that was weird about Tony’s family; his oldest siblings still lived with them. Daniel and Chiara, the oldest in the family, were well past high school and even college age, but they still stayed at home. Chiara helped with the family business a bunch and also helped babysit the kids, but Gob couldn’t figure out why Daniel was still there. Then again, Gob couldn’t really understand wanting to stay with your parents at all, let alone having parents who wanted you to stay around.

“Aw, no more Little Orphan Tony?” Gob joked as he grabbed a plate. He loaded it up with some croissants and muffins and other delicious pastries they had out.

Having a best friend whose parents ran a bakery had some major fucking perks.

“He’s trying to be an adult now,” Chiara said. “He grew up a lot over the summer.”

“Tony?” Angela, another older sibling, added as she walked into the kitchen. “Yeah, I think he might’ve gained a full two inches while he was at camp.” Even Chiara, who normally had a very serious attitude, couldn’t resist laughing at that. Tony was the only one of the boys to inherit his father's short genes. Daniel had a handful of inches on him and even Tony's baby brother, Michael, seemed destined to grow taller than him.

Speaking of Michaels, the one related to Gob was frozen at the sight of Angela, which made her smirk. “Hey, Michael,” she said with a grin. Gob couldn’t blame Michael; Angela was pretty hot and stood out from her family. And he didn't mean that in a mean way or anything, it was just, unlike Tony, who normally dyed his hair darker, Angela had bleached hers blonde since before Gob met her. Unlike Chiara, who dressed like, well, an adult, Angela was normally found in skimpy outfits, things that would make Madonna blush. And at that moment, she wasn’t even dressed for anything yet, but was wearing just a large shirt she had evidentially slept in, one that barely went down to the top of her legs.

Gob was pretty sure she was wearing that just to tease Michael, since he had obviously been attracted to her since the moment they met. Michael had a weird thing for blondes, which Gob never understood. He preferred darker hair himself, and he definitely couldn’t see Michael actually ending up with a blonde, regardless of his crush on Sally Sitwell.

“H-h-hi, Angela,” Michael stuttered back.

“Ready for your first day back?” Michael nodded back mutely as she started to stretch her arms up as if just stretching for the start of the day. But seeing as it pulled her shirt up even farther and made her breasts stick out, Gob knew exactly what she was doing.

“Hey, Ange, cut it out before Mikey has a heart attack,” Gob said. Michael hit him and muttered something about how he was fine, but Lindsay laughed in agreement with Gob.

Angela turned her gaze to Gob with a grin. “You aren’t enjoying the show?” she teased, and Gob couldn’t help but grin back. They always had a playfully flirty relationship, though neither of them was really into the other one. Being with Angela would be like dating his sister or something.

“I never said that,” Gob volleyed back with a wink. He leaned against the kitchen counter and tore off a piece of his croissant and popped it in his mouth. “Don’t you have school?” Though she had just graduated high school that past June, she had opted to go to Chapman University, a school she could drive to so she could live at home for free. Again, this was something Gob could not understand, and not just because he wasn’t sure he really wanted to go to college, but because he couldn’t imagine staying at home as well.

As Angela poured herself some coffee, she said, “Chapman doesn’t start classes for a couple more weeks.”

“Y-you’re going to Chapman?” Michael asked, trying to sound like he was casually making conversation, though his attempt at casual failed as, while trying to lean against the counter like Gob, he ended up putting his elbow on his plate, getting jam all over his arm.

“Aw, let me help you with that,” Angela said.

Thankfully, Chiara intervened. “Stop torturing the boy,” she reprimanded her sister before handing Michael a wet towel to help wipe off the mess. Michael embarrassingly thanked her before cleaning himself off.

“Fine. But, yes, I’m going to Chapman,” Angela answered. “So, I should be able to see you every morning you guys come by.” She walked by and lightly tapped his nose before going to sit at the over-crowded table, kicking Lizzie out of her seat to do so. Lizzie glared daggers at her since there were other chairs open, but accepted the treatment. It was the law of older siblings, after all.

Gob followed Angela to the table and sat down next to her before Lizzie could claim that seat. Angela was always his second favorite Wunderlich after Tony, of course, probably because Angela was Tony's favorite of his siblings anyways.

“So, you excited for your senior year?” Chiara asked Gob. “I know Tony’s buzzing with excitement."

Angela agreed, "He’s also buzzing with excitement to see you again.” She gave Gob a grin, a different one from the flirty ones she normally gave him, as if there was some secret meaning to it.

But Gob wasn’t someone who read too much into things like that. “Yeah, I’m pretty pumped. Senior parking and lunch privileges and all that stuff? I can’t wait.”

“It’s definitely a life-changing year,” Angela said, that weird grin still on her face. She leaned in a bit closer and asked, “Do you have any girlfriends lined up?”

It was pretty well-known amongst everyone who knew him that Gob Bluth was a lady killer. He flirted with girls easily and managed to woo many without even trying. It was one of the few things that Michael actually envied when it came to his older brother and, therefore, it was something Gob liked to emphasize a lot. There wasn’t much his younger brother couldn’t do that Gob could.

“No one in particular yet,” Gob said with a shrug.

“Maybe you should try something different this year.” Gob shrugged again.

“Antonio! You’re going to be late!” Giulia yelled up the stairs. She also yelled something out in Italian and Gob smiled to himself as he finished off one of the pastries on his plate. Tony had told him that his mom, while raised by Italian parents, wasn’t fluent in Italian past swear words.

Seconds later, the Wunderlich twins finished eating and run over to Gob to hug him, making him laugh. They were Buster’s age and always so excited to see him, much like Buster, but he actually enjoyed seeing them. Because, you know, they weren’t his family so he could like them and all.

“Hey Mikey, Pipsqueak,” Gob greeted. “Ready to start fifth grade?”

“Yeah!” Pip cheered back while Michael nodded. Michael of the Wunderlich family was even quieter than Michael of the Bluth family. He normally let Pip do the talking for the both of them, since she seemed to always know what he wanted to say anyways. It was some weird, freaky thing that was apparently pretty common in twins, according to Tony at least. Gob had never seen that in action with his own twin siblings, so he didn’t quite get it. “Is Buster gonna be there?”

“Of course,” Gob replied, biting back a grin. He and Tony always joked that they needed to get Pip and Buster together, you know, to make the Wunderlich and Bluth families related. Sadly, Buster still hadn’t grown out of wanting to just be his mother’s special little boy, and Pip really just seemed interested in him as a friend.

It was unfortunate, since that seemed to be the only viable option to make a Wunderlich-Bluth family a reality. Michael could never talk to Angela, and Lizzie, though only a year younger than him, was definitely Tony's least favorite sibling, and he would never let Michael even consider it. Tony claimed it was for Michael’s own safety. And out of the boys in the Wunderlich family for Lindsay, Daniel was much too old and Michael was, obviously, much too young. There was Tony, of course, but Gob was never going to let that happen. Tony was his best friend, thank you very much; no one else would ever get him like he could, let alone someone in his family. Gob was very particular about who Tony could date, anyways, since his best friend needed someone who would actually appreciate him, not some floozy who just wanted to try to get a semi-popular boyfriend.

But that was a subject for later.

Once Gob finished off his plate, he brought it over to the sink and quickly greeted Tony’s father by saying, “Hey, Big D.” Since he was also named Daniel, Gob liked to call him that or other variations to help differentiate between the two Daniel Wunderlichs. Big D was also the funniest one because he was around Tony’s height and was easily dwarfed by his wife, let alone Gob himself.

“Hey, Gob, my man!” He greeted Gob excitedly, pulling him into a hug. Gob definitely wasn’t anymore used to paternal affection, either, but he soon returned the hug as well. “Ready for your senior year?”

“Hell yeah,” Gob said, making the older man laugh.

“ANTONIO FRANCESCO WUNDERLICH!” Giulia yelled up the stairs. Pretty much everyone laughed at Tony getting the full name treatment. “Honestly, I don’t know what to do with that boy.” She grabbed up a sack lunch and said, “Lizzie, here’s your lunch; the bus is coming soon.”

“I still don’t know why I can’t ride with Gob! I’m a freshman now!” Lizzie whined.

“Because it’s not your car; it’s up to Gob,” Giulia said.

“And we’re seniors, so we can’t be seen with freshmen.” Gob turned around at the sound of the voice coming from the stairs, his face bursting into a grin.

“Tony!” Gob said excitedly. He didn’t resist the urge to run over to him, wrapping him up in a big hug.

Hey, it wasn’t weird or anything. They hadn’t seen each other for months!

“Gob, I need to be able to breathe,” Tony said, even though he laughed a little. Gob gave him notoriously tight hugs, especially when they hadn’t seen each other for a while.

“Oh, right, sorry,” Gob said. He pulled off of him and looked him over. Angela was right; he definitely had gained an inch or two over break, something Gob only noticed because he was short, obviously, so an inch was a big change for him, it wasn't weird or anything. He was definitely a bit tanner than usual after spending time at a camp outdoors, but his black shirt with dark jeans kinda took away from that, but that wasn't surprising because Tony always dressed like that. Really, the most different thing about his fashion tastes compared to when Gob first met him was that one of the large bracelets on his wrists had a hint of pink and the earrings he had on (Gob had always thought his piercings were so cool, but he had fainted when he attempted to get his own done) were shiny and white. Gob liked to think the color was his own influence on Tony’s wardrobe. Hey, he knew that the only reason he himself owned any black that wasn’t part of a suit was because of Tony.

The big change, though, was, of course, the hair. He had chopped off a lot of it and, using that gel Lizzie mentioned, managed to spike it up instead of letting it lay in curls on his head.

“Looking good, Wonder,” Gob said, using the nickname Tony used for his magic act. And, really, Tony did look good. He was definitely looking less like a boy and more like a man.

“You, too, Bluth,” Tony said back. “Did you somehow get taller?”

Gob smirked as he stepped out of the stairway for Tony to actually enter the kitchen. “My doctor says I’m six-foot-two now.”

“Damn, I was hoping I was gonna catch up to you,” Tony said as he poured himself some coffee.

“Dude, you can’t grow, like, a foot over one summer.”

“It’d be less than a foot! I’m not that short!”

“Dan, dear, can you fix Tony a plate so he can eat on the go?” Giulia asked her husband. “I hope it’s okay if he eats in your car, Gob.”

“No problem,” Gob said. “Hopefully he won’t take so long every day.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “Maybe if someone hadn’t taken so long to shower, I’d be ready on time,” he said, shooting a glare at Lizzie.

“Maybe I wouldn’t have taken so long if someone hadn’t used up all my shampoo and conditioner last night,” Lizzie shot back. “And maybe I’d go faster if I knew I had a ride to school—”

“No. Way.” Tony told her firmly.

Gob gave her a sympathetic smile. “Sorry, Lizzie.” He felt bad for her, though, yeah, he didn’t particularly want to be seen with a freshman, either. Not to mention it would be a tight squeeze with Lindsay and Michael already in the back.

Lizzie made a noise in frustration and grabbed her bagged lunch. She knew she wasn’t going to win that one. She stopped by her dad to get a hug and, as per tradition, posed in front of the camera her mom had brought out for a first day of school photo. After hugging her mom goodbye, Giulia getting teary-eyed over Lizzie starting high school, Lizzie ran outside to make sure she could catch the bus.

Next, Giulia got pictures of the twins and gave them big hugs, again getting emotional over her babies entering their last year of elementary school. Chiara took them outside to her car so she could drive them over; the elementary school started after the bakery opened, so someone always had to drive them there early to make sure the Wunderlichs could actually work.

“Okay, Tony, your turn,” Giulia said as her husband shoved some wrapped up pastries in his hands.

“Ma,” he whined in protest. But one look at his mother’s serious face made him stop. He still sighed as he got in front of her camera and refused to smile, of course. It was the attitude that came with the small amount of eyeliner he wore.

“Come on, Tony! It’s your last year of high school; show me a smile!” Tony rolled his eyes dramatically, but did as he was told, putting on a small smile as Lindsay and Michael headed out to the car.

“Gob, come get in here, too!” Giulia said as Gob started heading to his car.

“…Really?” Gob asked, his voice a bit more hopeful than he had intended.

“Yes, really!” Giulia insisted. “You’re family!”

Gob’s face lit up with a smile. He eagerly ran over and joined Tony for the picture, easily wrapping an arm around his shoulders in a sort of bro-hug.

Giulia took a picture and placed the polaroid off to the side. After a moment’s hesitation, Gob asked, “Can you get another one? For my locker?”

She happily obliged while Tony’s smile grew a lot more genuine.

“You should get another one,” Angela said after the second picture was taken, that weird look back on her face. “That way Tony can have one in his locker, too.”

Thankfully his mom managed to get the picture before Tony sent his sister a glare.

“I’m sure that we’ll all miss her sooooooo—IT’S THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!” Tony and Gob scream-sang together.

“Gob, watch the road!” Michael cried out from the backseat. His brother had gotten so into headbanging with his friend that he had swerved into the other lane for a moment.

“Hey, no one likes a backseat driver, Michael!” Gob shouted over the music.

“Yeah, Michael!” Tony agreed. But, during the instrumental break, he said, “But, yeah, please be careful. It’d suck if we didn’t even make it to school our senior year.”

Gob rolled his eyes. “We’re gonna be fine.” Still, he made sure to keep his eyes on the road, since Tony asked. And, you know, because he asked nicely. Unlike Michael.

When they reached the end of the song, Gob immediately rewound it to start it again.

“We’ve already listened to it twice,” Michael tried to insist, but Gob ignored him and started blasting the synth opening yet again.

Lindsay and Michael rolled their eyes at each other. “Maybe we should just take the bus this year,” Michael muttered.

Lindsay nodded in agreement. “It can’t be any more embarrassing than arriving to school like this,” she said. She had no idea how her oldest brother was the school president and so popular when he routinely arrived at school headbanging to one lame song or another.

Eventually, Gob parked in the school’s lot and Lindsay and Michael eagerly left the car in a rush. Tony and Gob stayed back to finish their (fourth) listen to “The Final Countdown”, only leaving when the next track on the tape ended.

Once they walked up to the entrance, Gob wrapped his arm around Tony’s shoulders again, looking like a king surveying his kingdom. And, really, Gob Bluth might as well have been Balboa High’s king. Or, well, at least he thought so. He was already their president, after all, and he was a shoe-in for Prom King, too. So that would make Tony his…prince? No, that was weird. Definitely not his queen. Maybe his knight? Maybe there could there be two kings?

Whatever. He'd figure it out later.

“Ready?” Gob asked, looking over at Tony.

Tony looked back and smiled, which somehow just made Gob even more excited. “Ready.”

With that, the two walked into their high school for their last first day.

Unfortunately, Tony was pretty smart. Maybe not, like, Michael levels, but definitely smarter than Gob. You know, at least class-wise. So, Tony was off whatever-ing in AP English, AP Government, and AP Statistics while Gob was goofing off in regular English, some generic history class, and something called “college algebra”. It seemed to be the class they put dumb seniors and smart juniors in. All of those classes sucked, but at least he didn’t have to take science that year, and he also managed to talk his way out of gym.

Originally, Gob had tried to get the school to let him and Tony do an independent study on magic, but even with Tony’s help, the presentation failed to wow the principal and other higher-ups. But gym always made Gob feel so…weird. He liked running around and all, but the locker room thing was just so unnecessary to him. Who wanted to shower with a bunch of naked guys? Not him!

So, after a bit of talking with his guidance counselor, he managed to find an actual approved independent study. And that was why he was smirking as he met up with a freshly showered Tony in line in the cafeteria.

“How was gym?”

“Shut. Up.” Tony said tightly. “I can’t believe I have to still take it, but you get to go off in your independent study and play your freaking Chopin—”

“You mean Queen,” Gob said loudly, looking around the area to make sure no one had heard Tony say that. Once it was clear that no one was listening, he leaned in and harshly whispered, “Dude! You promised!”

Tony rolled his eyes, but nodded. “I still don’t get why people can’t know that you play classical music,” he whispered back.

“Because it’s lame.”

“Not to you.”

“…Well, no, but to everyone else.”

Gob had started taking piano lessons when he was four years old. It was something Lucille had insisted all her kids do as a status symbol. That had mostly been a mistake on her part; Michael was so self-conscious that he could barely play his scales smoothly, Lindsay obsessed over chipping her nail polish, and Buster was so bad at coordinating his hands that it was like he only had one.

Gob, on the other hand, was good at it. Like, really good at it. He took to it quickly and advanced faster than anyone had ever expected, quickly learning some music by some of the big names of classical music and mastering pieces by actual composers before he had learned long division. Not that he was sure he really knew how to do long division even at the age of eighteen, but whatever.

But as much as Gob loved playing piano—and he did, he really did, sometimes as much as he loved doing magic—he couldn’t just tell people that he played classical music. Having the ability to play the piano part to “Bohemian Rhapsody” by ear was one thing, and Gob was very okay with showing that off, but playing Chopin and Bach and Liszt? Yeah, he knew those were not cool to the real world. Even Michael knew that, and Michael never knew what was or wasn’t cool.

Michael probably only knew that because his dad made it clear that he thought it was lame, too. Enough so that Gob normally practiced in his room with his headphones in on his electric keyboard unless his dad was out of town. His dad found enough about him lame and weird, from him playing piano to his friendship with Tony for whatever reason; he had no reason to provoke him more by actually playing in front of him.

“I don’t think it matters what anyone else thinks, but fine,” Tony said with a shake of his head, his voice quiet for Gob’s sake. “I still want to hear you play sometime.”

“You’ve heard me play.”

“I mean your real rep. Not Journey or Queen or whatever, but some of that stuff you do in competitions. I wanna hear what got you those plaques.”

“It’s no big deal; everyone at those competitions suck.”

“First place is still a big deal,” Tony insisted. And, yeah, fine, it was true. Gob was proud of those awards and the 1 ratings he had gotten in contests. “You said your teacher says you’re Juilliard potential; I don’t know why that’s embarrassing. It’d at least get you out of Newport Beach.”

The subject of Southern California was one of the few things the two of them disagreed on. Tony wasn’t a fan of the west coast and was always talking about finding his way back to New York. Gob loved Southern California more than any other place he had been, and he really couldn’t imagine leaving.

“Can’t you imagine next year, me at NYU and you could be at Juilliard—or even NYU, they have a great music program, too—and we could have our own place in Manhattan?” Tony said.

…Then again, Gob did like the sound of that. And he was a little tempted every time Tony brought it up. He had no doubt in his mind that Tony was going to get into NYU or some other place in New York City, and the idea of living on the opposite side of the country from him sounded like hell.

But he snorted as he put some random food on his lunch tray, barely looking at what he was getting. “Yeah, like my dad would ever pay for me to do that.” 

“Your mom would make him,” Tony said, starting to put some food on his tray as well.

Well, that was true. Lucille loved that Gob could play. In fact, it was the only time she wasn’t yelling at him or criticizing him or ignoring him. He liked that.

Whatever. He didn’t like discussing the subject. The future made him uneasy in so many different ways. He had no idea what he could do after high school, he had no idea how to make a living as a magician, and he definitely had no idea what he’d do if Tony really ended up in New York and he stayed in Newport Beach.

“I’ll think about it,” Gob said as he went to stand in line to pay for his food. And, thankfully, that made Tony drop the subject.

The rest of the day was more or less the same. Tony had photography while Gob had music theory with a whole bunch of orchestra and band geeks which, yeah, also wasn’t something he wanted to get out, but he knew he could easily tell people it was just a blow-off class if they tried to give him shit for it. And, really, it was, at least for him. His piano teacher had taught him a lot of theory in their lessons and that whole first class was just major review for him. He got a nice nap in study hall and then eagerly went to Spanish, since that was the only class he had with Tony besides homeroom.

Once the final bell rang, the two of them went to their lockers to drop off the load of books that had gotten in their classes that day. The other nice senior privilege? The seniors got to pick out their lockers a few days before school had started, meaning Gob and Tony ended up with lockers right next to each other instead of having them assigned by their last names. Bluth and Wunderlich always ended up on the opposite sides of the hall from each other.

“I can’t believe I already have math homework,” Tony grumbled as he put his math textbook in his bag.

“That’s what you get for taking AP classes, dumbass,” Gob said as he looked in the mirror he set up in his locker.

“Like my parents would let me not take them,” Tony complained. “Even though making me take AP math reinforces such a horrible stereotype.”

“Are short people supposed to be good at math?”

“…Gob, I’m Jewish, remember?” Gob blinked at him and Tony shook his head. “Never mind. There’s no need to get into the history of anti-Semitic stereotypes today.”  

“Cool.” Gob didn’t feel like another history lesson; he already had to hear a lecture about King Champagne or something that day.

Tony closed his locker door and shrugged on his backpack. “Ready to go?”

Gob nodded. He put on his backpack and, after finally (and carefully) hanging up the polaroid of him and Tony in his locker, he closed his locker door with a smile.

Thankfully, Lindsay had cheerleading practice and Michael had debate or some other bullshit keeping him late, so they were going to take one of the later buses home. That meant Gob and Tony could go straight to the blissfully empty Bluth house. Well, Rosa was there, still cleaning and everything, but Buster was still at school, George was at work, and Lucille was most likely at the club. While they normally ended up hanging out in Gob’s room with the door locked anyways, it was nice to have an empty house for some of their other plans.

Normally those plans would be working on new magic tricks, but Gob had a better idea in mind for the afternoon. They needed to celebrate the first day back and all.

“Look,” Gob whispered excitedly as he pulled a plastic bag from his bedside table. The bag contained more pot than Gob had ever bought at one time.

“Woah,” Tony said, taking it from his friend’s hands. “There’s so much in there!” He opened up the bag and smelled it. “Oh, man, this is some good shit. How much did you pay for this?”

“Like, a hundred,” Gob said, like it was no big deal.

"Dude, they’re seriously over-charging you,” Tony said with a shake of his head. “Daniel pays, like, a quarter of that.”

“But this is the good shit!” Gob insisted. Tony sighed; he knew his friend never believed him about how much those dealers liked to over-charge the rich kid. It was Gob’s own fault for offering so much the first time he went down to the docks.

It definitely was some high-quality weed, though, and the two of them were definitely baked after they shared a joint. Gob had a freaky-high tolerance for alcohol, but he definitely hadn’t developed as high of one for weed. Not yet, at least.

As they usually did when they got high, they obviously grabbed some snacks from the kitchen and laughed over dumb things in Gob's room in between bites. 

But, after a while, Tony laid back on Gob's ridiculously comfy and large bed, relaxing with his hands behind his head, and Gob sat on his knees eagerly. Whenever Gob got high, he normally got ridiculously excited and focused at one point, and this was no exception. He’d eventually calm down and pass out at some point, but it took a little while. 

“So, we haven’t discussed the most important part of your senior year,” Gob said.

Tony raised his eyebrows sleepily. “What’s that?”

“How we’re gonna get you laid.” Tony closed his eyes with a groan. “Dude, come on! You can’t graduate from high school as a virgin; everyone knows that. It's like you've never seen a movie or something."

“Why are you so invested in my sex life?” Tony asked, rubbing a hand over his eyes.

“Because you’re my best friend.” It wasn’t like he was so invested that he was weird about it, but, okay, he was picky about it. Because, like how he wouldn’t let Tony and Lindsay date because she didn’t understand him, Gob had yet to find a girl worthy of taking Tony’s cherry. There hadn’t been a ton of girls interested or anything, which Gob didn’t get because Tony was the coolest person he knew, but Gob had already made sure Tony hadn’t slept with any of them. Making out with one of the art students was one thing, but sleeping with one? Unacceptable. Tony deserved a hot first time with someone as cool as him. As in as cool as Tony. But also as cool as him, as in Gob, would work, too. 

“Plus, you’re already four years behind me! It’s time to catch up,” Gob insisted. He had lost his own virginity when he was fourteen, before Tony had even moved to California. It had been quick and Gob got so drunk afterwards he barely remembered a thing, but he was sure it was hot. It had to be, since it was with a super-hot, slutty senior and he was only a freshman, so that was pretty fucking impressive, right?

And, really, Gob never settled for less than impressive when it came to who he fucked. They were all popular, often cheerleaders, and hot. While he had tried dating a few of them, he normally couldn’t find any of them interesting enough to keep around once they had sex. Hell, sometimes the sex itself wasn’t even interesting, and he’d find himself wondering when he could see Tony again to tell him about his latest conquest or come up with a new magic trick or just hang out and talk about everything and nothing.

Tony was the only person who had ever held his interest for long. The school nurse had tried saying he had some attention-something-something disorder once, but he thought it was just that no one was as cool or interesting as his best friend. Except maybe himself, you know, but it wasn’t like he talked to himself.

Anyways, that wasn't the point. The point was that Tony deserved a hot first time like Gob had. And he deserved to find interesting girls to fuck afterwards. And Gob was determined to make that a reality their senior year.

“Come on, why are you so against this?” Gob asked. “You know I have good taste in girls and if you listen to my tips, you could land yourself a hottie!” Tony snorted and Gob said, “You’ve gotten taller and you more or less have control of your hair now and I see you growing facial hair. The girls are gonna love that! It’s super sexy—according to People at least.”

What? He could admit that Tony was sexy. It was true.

Tony, however, had a weird look on his face. He rolled onto his side and opened his eyes. “Gob…” He sighed and said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but…” Tony paused for a long time, looking like he was trying to say something important, but it seemed like he had forgotten what he was saying.

“Yeah?” Gob prompted.

“Oh, right,” Tony said, obviously more stoned than he had realized. “I’m…I’m not a virgin anymore. I slept with someone. At camp.”

Gob raised his eyebrows but remained silent for a while. The pot must have been starting to affect him or something, since he couldn’t figure out the right response for that.

Eventually, he asked, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’ve been waiting for the right time,” Tony said.

“You could’ve told me in one of your letters.”

“I didn’t have time to send one—”

“Why? Were you too busy fucking this girl to bother writing about it?”

“No! We just didn't do it until after I sent my last letter, and I figured it’d be better to tell you in person.”

Gob crossed his arms and frowned. “Well…congratulations.”

“Don’t sound so enthusiastic.”

“Well, I always thought when you lost it, I’d be there—you know, helping you get the girl and stuff.”

“I know.”

After a moment, Gob asked, “What’s her name?”

It took a little while, because Tony seemed to be really fucking high, but he answered, “Sammy.”

“And is this Sammy your girlfriend or something now?”

“God, no,” Tony snorted. “It was just a camp thing. I mean, maybe we’ll, you know, hook-up again if we run into each other again. But, no, Sammy's not my girlfriend.”

Gob nodded again. “…So, I can help you get your second girl at least?”

After a slight hesitation, Tony said, “I don’t know, Gob. You and I have very different tastes…”

“Well, what kind of girl would you want to sleep with?” Gob asked. “And don’t say one of the art chicks or something. You can do so much better.”

“What’s wrong with one of the art girls or something? At least I can have actual conversations with them,” Tony mumbled, “unlike the girls you hook-up with.”

Okay, true, Gob's hook-ups weren’t really interesting. “So, you want like a girlfriend? Not a hook-up?”

“Gob, can’t we talk about this some other time? Like when we’re not stoned?” Tony asked. “Or at least when I’m not?”

“…Fine,” Gob said. He was starting to feel the sleepy part of his high set-in.

“Good,” Tony said, moving back to lay on his back, his hands behind his head again.

After a moment, Gob collapsed right next to Tony, almost on top of him. Tony moved one of his hands from behind his head so he could wrap an arm around Gob’s shoulders as his friend turned onto his side. Gob brought his head in closer, resting it on Tony’s shoulders.

Again, that wasn’t weird or anything. Gob just got cuddly when he got high. Nothing wrong with that, right?

Well, okay, maybe it was a little weird, but Tony never complained. And they never talked about it or anything, and it wasn’t like Gob would do that when they got high at a party or anything, so, again, it wasn’t weird or a big deal or whatever.

“Your hair gel smells nice,” Gob mumbled. Tony thanked him. “I bet whoever you sleep with next will love it.”

Tony absent-mindedly ran his hand through Gob’s hair. “Yeah. Hopefully.”           

Chapter Text

Confusion Is Nothing New

They were at the Wunderlich’s bakery when Gob brought up the subject again.

While there were plenty of Wunderlichs to work the bakery at almost any given time, occasionally, during the slower evening hours, only one or two of them would work, and whenever it was just Tony, Gob was almost always there. How could he resist the offer of free food, time with his best friend, and an escape from his own house? It was a win-win-win situation all around.

But, anyways, Tony had just finished checking out a customer with some baked good or another before saying, “Hey, Gob, try this.”

Gob eagerly got out of the booth he was sitting in and (pretending) to do homework in order to take the bit of challah bread Tony had torn off for him. Popping it in his mouth, Gob hummed at the taste and leaned against the counter.

“So good. You made that?”

“Yep. First time I’ve been trusted with the challah,” Tony said proudly.

Gob opened up the notebook he brought over with him and said, “Gonna make a note of that—girls will love that you can cook.”

Tony groaned. “You’re not bringing this up again, are you?”

“You said to wait to talk about it when you weren’t stoned,” Gob said simply. “I figured I’d wait a few days to be safe. Besides, it gave me time to make notes.”

“Notes?” Tony asked wearily.

With a proud smile, Gob flipped through pages of his notebook that had his illegible scrawl all throughout it.

“Do you ever think of how good you could be at literally anything if you put that much work into it?” Tony asked incredulously.

“It wouldn’t be as fun,” Gob said. Tony rolled his eyes again and Gob frowned. “Come on, Tony! I thought about what you said and, okay, you want a girlfriend, and not just a hook-up, right? And you want someone you can talk to, someone you have stuff in common with, someone fun? Well, I went through all the single girls I could think of who are acceptable for you, did some digging, and I think I know just who you should be with for your second time.”

“…It wouldn’t be my second time,” Tony mumbled. “I didn’t do it just once.”

Gob waved his hand to dismiss that. “Second person, whatever.” He flipped to a page of his notes that had a few names listed and proudly said, “I even worked with Lindsay and used my yearbook to make sure I had the right girl and everything.” Tony still didn’t look convinced and Gob’s smile fell. “Don’t you wanna know who I came up with?”

Tony would never admit it, but when Gob pouted like that, he found it very hard to resist giving him what he wanted. He was like a puppy that way. Though he sighed, Tony said, “Okay, tell me who you’re thinking of.”

Gob’s face split into a large grin. “Okay, so I figured you’d want someone like artsy or whatever, like you, but I don’t really think any of the photography girls you hang out with would work, but I thought maybe the theater kids, right? Some of them are hot. I mean, you probably couldn’t get them to have sex with you since a lot of them are in the Lesbian Society—”

“Thespian Society.”

“Same thing, right?” Gob answered. Before Tony could correct him, Gob continued, “Anyways, I saw a picture from one of the musicals in the yearbook and one of them looked familiar and I looked her up and she’s also a cheerleader and also in our year and also hot and therefore a perfect choice for your girlfriend or hook-up or whatever.”

“And she would be?”

“Eve Holt,” Gob said proudly. “I got the scoop from Lindsay. She’s single, she’s into musicals and stuff, she loves artsy guys, and, okay, she might be kind of ditzy, but she’s apparently super sweet and very eager to please.” Gob grinned, “That’s a perfect combo, right?”

“Isn’t she the head of the Catholic Club or something?” Tony asked nervously.

Gob shrugged. “I don’t know. If she is, that probably just means she doesn’t believe in condoms which is a major score. Trust me.”

Tony wrinkled his nose. He didn’t need to think about how Gob knew that was a bonus. “I don’t know, Gob. Jewish people and Catholics? Not a great combo.”

“…Isn’t your mom Catholic?”

Tony paused. That was true. “Yeah, well, sometimes it’s a good combo. And my mom converted for my dad.”

Gob sighed. “I mean, there are some other options, like the hot twins in our grade—though you do not want to get them mixed up. Trust me; Stacy still totally freaked out on me for hitting on her when I was dating her sister. And I still don’t know which one I slept with…” Gob thought about that for a moment, but he normally drank so much after getting laid at a party that he’d forget whoever he had been with.

Tony frowned. “Yeah, definitely not them.” At Gob’s look, Tony said, “I’m not really sure I wanna sleep with anyone you’ve been with.”

“Why not? I could tell you if they were good or not.”

“Wouldn’t it be kinda weird to share girls like that?”

Okay, Gob was so not weird, so he nodded. “Okay, yeah, true. They’re out, then.” He looked over his list of other choices and frowned. “That…that rules out some more of these girls.”

After crossing out a few other names, Gob said, “Really, Eve is the best choice.”

“I don’t know—”

“I know, so trust me.” Before Tony could protest again, Gob said, “Look, she’s gonna be at my beginning of the school year party, so just try talking to her, okay? And if sparks fly, you can always use my bed.” After a second, he grinned and added, “You know, as long as I’m not using it.”

While Tony looked ready to argue, a customer came in and he sighed. “Fine,” he said simply before going over to help the customer. Gob pumped his hand in victory and circled Eve’s name in his notebook.

He loved when he got his way.

At school the next day, Gob managed to catch Eve alone at her locker.

Perfect.

“Hey,” he said smoothly, casually sliding up against the locker next to hers. “I don’t think we’ve ever properly met. Eve, right?”

She looked a bit perplexed to see Gob there, but after a moment she smiled. “Yeah, Eve Holt.”

“I’m Gob Bluth.”

“I know.”

Gob grinned. “Yeah. Everyone knows who I am.” She nodded and turned back to her locker to pull out a book. “So, you got any plans this weekend? ‘Cause I’m throwing a big party.”

“I heard,” she said simply.

“So, will you be there?” Gob gave her one of his charming, if slightly crooked, smiles. “I’d love to see you there.”

She smiled shyly and asked, “Really?”

“Of course,” Gob said. “Gorgeous girl like you? Who wouldn’t want to see you there?” Gob’s grin grew as Eve ducked her head a little. “Besides, I know someone who’s just dying to meet you.”

Eve brought a hand to the gold T-necklace she had on. After a moment of contemplation, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you there.”

“Great,” Gob said. “Get ready for the time of your life.”

According to movies and TV shows Gob had seen, teenagers weren’t supposed to throw parties. In fact, most teenagers would get in trouble if they threw one when their parents went out of town.

So, apparently that was one of the few ways Gob was kinda weird.

It wasn’t like his parents told him to throw parties whenever they went out of town. But they did conveniently go out of town during optimal party weekends, unlock the liquor cabinet, take Buster with them, and schedule a maid service to come over that Sunday to clean up any messes. It didn’t take a genius to get what message they were sending. After all, they were all about encouraging their children’s best abilities, and Gob’s best ability, at least in his father’s opinion, was his popularity. Ergo, it only made sense to have him throw parties.

So, word got around fast that there was going to be another legendary Gob Bluth Party to celebrate the beginning of the school year, and people were more excited than ever for it. Not only were his parties legendary, but, seeing as this was his last year in high school, everyone was sure it was going to be even more epic.

The Friday of the party, Lucille, George, and Buster left in the morning and Gob went straight home after school to set things up. Tony was there to help as usual, frowning whenever Gob brought up the plan with Eve. Michael, of course, frowned once he got home from debate, since he was never any fun and always hated when Gob threw parties. The only person who seemed as excited as Gob was Lindsay; she had even skipped cheerleading practice to help set up. She was hoping to take over her brother’s party-throwing duties once he graduated, so she was more than willing to shadow his movements and learn from the Master.

Not that she would ever admit that, at least not to Gob’s face.

“Okay, so I introduced myself to Eve,” Gob told Tony. “I made sure she’s coming. So, I’ll introduce you two and then you can get her a drink and ask her to dance and we all know where that leads.”

“Drunk driving?” Michael filled in sarcastically.

“This isn’t Footloose, Michael,” Gob said sharply, even as Tony laughed. “Dancing easily leads right into sex. Or at least making out.”

“Oh, so it’s Dirty Dancing, then,” Lindsay teased, making both Tony and Michael laugh.

“Hey, at least that’s a good movie,” Gob mumbled. He shook his head and looked at Tony seriously. “Stick to the plan and you’ll be good, Tony. Got it?”

“Got it,” Tony replied.

But when Gob left to go check on something in the kitchen, Tony sighed. Lindsay gave him a look that reminded him far too much of how Angela had been looking at him lately. He nervously turned back to the stereo he was helping set up and, thankfully, Gob called him over to help with something else a few minutes later.

Eventually people started to head over and it didn’t take long for one of Gob’s mixtapes to be blaring loudly from the stereo in the living room and for a few of the guests to already be tipsy and a few others to be lighting up a joint in the backyard.

Gob, however, was still sober at the moment, and not just because it took a lot to get him drunk or even vaguely tipsy. He hadn’t had a sip of alcohol yet; he was keeping himself sharp until he knew Tony and Eve were hitting it off.

As soon as he spotted Eve in one of the quieter parts of the kitchen, Gob grabbed Tony’s hand and dragged him through the crowd over to her.

“Gob! Hey!” Eve said breathlessly, shyly tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Hey! I’m glad you made it,” Gob said.

“Me, too,” she agreed, smiling up at him.

“And Tony’s glad you came, too.”

Eve tilted her head in confusion. “Who?”

Tony stepped out from where he was behind Gob. “That’d be me. I’m Tony.”

“Oh,” Eve said. “Eve Holt.” She shook his hand and the two of them looked awkwardly at each other before she turned back to Gob.

“I told you he was dying to meet you,” Gob said, grinning proudly.

Finally catching on to what was happening, Eve crossed her arms and turned back to Tony. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. Officially.”

“You, too,” Tony said. Gob nudged his side and jerked his head to the living room. Not bothering to hold back a sigh, Tony asked, “Do you want to dance?”

“Uh…sure,” Eve replied after a moment. She gave one last look at Gob, as did Tony, before they went out to the living room.

Gob smiled to himself, very proud of his work. While it was still too soon to tell, he totally knew they were gonna hit it off. They were gonna have all the things in common, just like Tony wanted. Like, they probably even used the same hair gel, seeing as Eve had little spikes in her hair, too.

With that, Gob finally poured himself a drink. It was time to really get the party started.

Once Gob heard the tell-tale signs of a Cindi Lauper ballad from the living room, he grinned. That meant Eve and Tony were gonna be slow dancing, which would totally lead to a make-out and his best friend would finally get him some. Good. All that was left was for Gob to find him someone to hook-up with, too. After all, it’d be weird if he didn’t get laid when Tony did. Or if Tony got a girlfriend or whatever he wanted to do with Eve. It would just be weird if Gob didn’t get action of some sort at a party anyways. He always had to tell Tony about getting some the next day, and maybe this time Tony could tell him the same stuff back. That sounded like a lot of fun.

While a few girls batted their eyes at him, he didn’t head straight for them. He preferred a bit of a challenge himself, or at least someone who wasn’t so obvious. So, after some looking, he found a pretty girl off in the corner. She looked Mexican or something.

“Hey,” he said as he slid up to her. “You enjoying yourself?” She looked him over and didn’t respond right away. “You speak English, right?”

“Yes,” she said, sounding annoyed at the question.

“Sorry,” Gob replied. She still frowned at him and he said, “You’re just so beautiful, I couldn’t figure out another reason why you’d be standing alone.”

That made the girl smile. “I’m not a big fan of loud parties, but my friends said I should come.” She definitely did have an accent, so Gob wasn't totally off-base before.

“Well, as the host of the party, let me say, I’m glad you came,” Gob said. “And hopefully I’ll get you to come again.” Either she didn’t get what he meant by that, or she was still flattered. Gob was fine with whatever reason made her stay and keep smiling. “Gob Bluth.”

She held out a hand. “Marta Estrella.”

Gob took her hand and brought it to his mouth, placing a small kiss on it. “It’s lovely to meet such a lovely lady as yourself.” She smiled and he asked, “So, how long have you lived here?”

Before she got far into her answer about being an exchange student, Gob saw Eve heading towards the door. What? No! Didn’t she realize she was ruining his plan?

“Just a second,” Gob told Marta quickly before running after Eve.

As soon as he caught up to her, he slyly said, “Hey, hey, hey; why are you leaving? Aren’t you having a good time?”

Eve had a weird look on her face, one that Gob couldn’t quite read. “I—yeah, it’s fine. I just…I have an early day tomorrow. You know, church.”

“They have church on Saturdays?”

Eve blinked a few times before nodding. “Yeah. Yep, Saturday church service.”

“Ohhhh…weird,” Gob said. “Well, do you need Tony’s number?”

"No thanks, I’m fine,” Eve said. Gob nodded, very pleased that his friend had obviously remembered to give her his phone number. “Well…I’ll see you around. Bye.”

“Bye,” Gob said as she started to leave. He smiled to himself and went to find Tony. He wasn’t in the living room or kitchen, but then Gob shook his head at himself. He knew exactly where Tony would be. He always ended up there during one of his parties.

And, sure enough, Tony was sitting out in the backyard on one of the lawn chairs. “Hey, man,” Gob greeted him excitedly as he sat down in one of the chairs next to him. “I saw Eve leave. How did it go?”

Tony hesitated. “It was…fine. She’s nice and we do have some stuff in common.”

“Awesome,” Gob said, grinning even wider.

Before he could ask for more details, Tony asked, “What about you? Did you find anyone yet?”

Gob grinned; telling Tony about scoring was half the fun of it. Sometimes it was even more fun than scoring at all. “I found this really sexy Mexican chick. Totally gonna get some.”

“Congrats,” Tony said.

Seconds later, someone else came out, announcing, “God, it’s hot in there.” Gob turned around and the girl said, “Oh, hey, Gob.”

“Sally,” Gob replied. “I didn’t think this was your scene.”

She jutted a hip out to the side, raising an eyebrow at him. “Why not? I am a cheerleader and part of student council.” Gob nodded; that was true. But, after a moment, she asked, “…Is Michael here?”

Gob didn’t hold back a snort. Sally was always so interested in Michael and Michael was interested back, but he just got too nervous to ever say anything to her. Well, outside of the debate club at least. Michael just had no idea how flirting worked.

“It’s not really his scene, is it?” Gob retorted.

“I guess you’re right,” she said, smiling in spite of herself. She moved to sit down on one of the other open chairs next to Tony.

“You could go up to his room if you want,” Gob suggested. “He’s probably hiding up there.”

“I’m fine down here,” Sally said firmly. “I like the fresh air. Besides, it’s getting too loud in there for me.”

Tony agreed, “Same. I like getting a breather from time to time.”

“Me, too,” Sally said.

“You guys are crazy; it’s cold,” Gob said, standing up. The worst part of California was how the desert air always made a warm day completely freezing at night.

Tony snorted. “Dude, this is nothing compared to New York.” Sally looked at him curiously and he explained, “I grew up there. In the city.”

“Which part?”

“Long Island.”

Sally laughed. “That so doesn’t count as living in the city,” she teased. At his curious look back, she said, “I have family out there and I’ve been a lot. Long Island is totally not the city.”

“It totally counts! Not like I'd expect a tourist to get it.”

As the two kept arguing over that point, Gob told Tony he’d see him later and went back inside.

Hopefully he could find that Mexican girl again.

It took a while to find Marta again, but when he did, she seemed happy to see him again. That was good.

What wasn’t so good was that she kept wanting to talk. She went on about being an exchange student from Columbia or something and how she wanted to act and all of this boring stuff. Gob was never interested in the talking part, but he nodded along as she spoke. Most of the girls who thought he was a good listener would fall into bed a lot easier than the others.

“Hey, do you wanna go somewhere more private to talk?” Gob asked after what seemed like hours of chatter, but what had most likely been ten at the most.

Marta hesitated for a moment before smiling her pretty smile and nodding. “Sure.”  

But as Gob reached the stairs, Michael stood in the way.

“Gob, when is this party going to end?” he asked.

“It’ll end when it ends. Just like it always does. Now let us through,” Gob replied. He pushed his way past Michael and started to lead Marta upstairs. “Sorry, that’s my brother; he’s so lame.”

Marta looked over her shoulder at Michael. “He looks sad.” Gob laughed at that. “You know, I’ve always thought family was so important. Shouldn’t you try to cheer him up?”

Gob immediately wanted to protest, but with how she was looking at him, he knew he couldn’t say no. He knew he had to do whatever it took to impress her.

“You’re right,” Gob said with a nod. “I’ll go cheer him up.”

“That is so sweet, Gob.” She gave him a peck on the cheek and Gob grinned; he totally had her.

“I’ll meet you in my room? It’s the one at the end of the hall.” She nodded and continued up the stairs while Gob rolled his eyes and went back down to his brother.

“Michael, can’t you ever relax and just have fun?” Gob asked. Michael frowned at him and Gob rolled his eyes again. “Of course not. Robots don’t have fun.”

“I have fun! I just don’t find loud, over-crowded parties fun,” Michael said. After a beat he added, “And I’m not a robot!”

“That’s just what a robot would say,” Gob muttered. He sighed and looked around; there had to be some way to cheer Michael up, or at least make sure he didn’t try to shut down the party or something. Even Sally Stickwell had managed to show up and let loose for once—

Oh, duh. Why didn’t he think of that sooner?

“You know, Sally’s here.”

Michael froze. “Sally Sitwell?”

“Yep. And seeing as dad isn’t here, maybe you’ll actually stand a chance.” Gob knew it was always their dad that made Michael the most nervous about Sally, even more so than just the idea of talking to a girl at all.

Michael considered that idea. He slowly smiled and asked, “Where is she?”

With a sigh of relief, Gob started to lead Michael towards the back. “I’m totally on a roll with getting people set up tonight,” Gob said excitedly. “So, take my advice, okay? Just talk to her, ask her questions, and get her on the dance floor. Trust me; it’ll work.”

For once, Michael seemed to actually listen to his advice. “Got it." He nodded and genuinely said, "Thanks.”

Once they reached the sliding door for the backyard, Gob quickly propped up Michael’s collar and mussed up his hair a little. He smiled at his handiwork and opened the door.

“Oh, S—” Gob cut himself off as he saw something absolutely horrifying.

Tony was making out with Sally Sitwell.

Michael sighed and walked back into the house, muttering to himself about blowing it. But Gob stood still, unable to move his eyes away from it. He felt a million different feelings rush through him at once, feelings he didn’t understand, because he truly didn’t understand what was happening.

He had no idea how long he stood out there until, finally, Sally pulled away and, pulling a pen from her purse, wrote down something on Tony’s hand. “I should go,” she said, smiling flirtily, “But call me.”

Tony grinned. “Yeah, I will.”

Sally grinned back and then walked away. “Oh, hey, Gob,” she said. Gob remained silent as she walked past.

Once Sally closed the door, Gob finally moved again and walked over to Tony. “What was that?”

Tony raised his eyebrows. “Uh, I thought you knew what making out was, seeing as you talk about it constantly.”

“Of course I know what making out is; I’m, like, the fucking master of make-outs,” Gob whispered harshly. “But with her? With Sally Sitwell?”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“She’s…she—what about Eve?”

“Gob…” Tony sighed. “Eve and I didn’t click at all, okay? Besides, I don’t think she’s interested in me.”

“What? How do you know that?”

“Trust me, it was pretty obvious,” Tony said.

“But…but…but I got her all ready for you! Why aren’t you—don’t you trust me to find you the right girl?” Gob asked.

"I know you tried hard and I know you put a lot of work into finding her and everything, but it didn't work. I'm sorry. And I'm thankful you tried; I know you meant well." Gob remained silent, his fists clenching as he felt his stomach clench. Tony looked at his friend with concern. “Gob, why are you freaking out about this?” 

“You—not—Sally Sitwell—” Gob let out a frustrated groan. The problem was that he didn’t know why he was upset, but he was. It was like Tony had betrayed him somehow; he felt like he had been stabbed in his chest.

Tony’s eyes widened. “I thought you’d be happy for me.” Gob snorted and Tony said, “Gob…you’re acting really weird about this.”

Gob paused. No. He wasn’t weird. He was normal—or maybe better than normal—but he wasn’t weird.

He took a moment and then put on a smile. “You know what, you’re right. Congrats. I’m…I’m really happy for you.” He laughed and said, “I mean, I doubt she’ll put out or anything right away. But, yeah. Looks like you got her on the hook already.” Gob clapped his hand on Tony’s shoulder and said, “I’m proud of you, man.”

Though he looked doubtful, Tony soon smiled. “Thanks, man.” He stood up and said, “But, hey, don’t you have that Mexican girl to get with?”

“She’s not Mexican; she’s Columbian or something,” Gob said. “But, uh, yeah. Right. She’s actually up in my room, so…” With that, Gob went back inside and headed up to his room, but not before grabbing a bottle of tequila and quickly chugging half of it down, much to the cheers of the people in the kitchen.

What? He was gonna need all the alcohol he could get if that Marta girl kept on talking.

On Sunday, when the maid service came, Gob took his siblings out to lunch. He didn’t feel like sitting around and listening to the vacuuming and all of that.

“I can’t believe Tony made out with Sally,” Michael muttered after a few minutes, looking at his menu but not really reading it.

“Me, neither,” Gob agreed. He was still reeling from that, so much so that he hadn’t even called Tony to tell him about getting to third base with Marta. The problem was he still didn’t know why he was upset. Shouldn’t he have been happy that his friend had a make-out session with an attractive and popular girl? Wasn't it weird for him not to be happy for him?

“I can,” Lindsay chirped. They both glared at her and she said, “What? Tony’s cute in a non-traditional way.” Well, yeah, Gob could agree with that. “And Sally’s as easy as they come,” she said with a huff.

“Sally is not,” Michael protested immediately. “You’re just mad that she told everyone about your nose job—which everyone knew about anyways since your old one made you look like a falcon!”

Lindsay gasped and the two of them started to argue with each other. Gob groaned and put his head on the table. He totally got why Lindsay and Buster complained whenever he and Michael had one of their Boyfights moments; if it was anything like this, he would complain just as much.

“Whatever! He still knows I’m into her, right?”

With a scoff, Lindsay said, “Everyone knows that. You’re not subtle.”

“Then he shouldn’t have gone after her! Doesn’t that break some kind of guy code or something?”

Gob suddenly lifted up his head. That was it! That had to be why he was upset!

“Right?” Gob said. “It’s totally messed up!”

“Totally!” Michael agreed.

“You two are being ridiculous,” Lindsay said honestly. “Whether or not Tony knew, you have had years to make a move, Michael, and you were too chicken to do so. That’s your fault, not Tony’s. And it was one make-out session. It’s not like they’re dating.”

Michael and Gob looked at each other. Their sister definitely had a point. They both nodded in agreement and then looked back at their menus.

“…It’s still not cool,” Michael muttered.

“Definitely not cool,” Gob agreed.

Lindsay merely rolled her eyes and took a sip of her water.

Despite what Lindsay said, it became apparent that it wasn’t just one make-out session. Apparently, Tony and Sally went out that weekend. And they went out the next. And the next. Before Gob knew it, the first month of school was over and Tony and Sally were official.

And Gob still wasn’t okay with it.

But he knew better than to tell Tony that. He didn’t want Tony to think he was weird, because he wasn’t weird. It was weird that Tony thought it was weird that he was upset. Tony had gotten with a girl Michael had been crushing on for years! That was on him!

Besides, what did he see in Sally anyways? Yeah, she was pretty and blonde, but what did they have in common? Did Sally like the arts like Tony did? Did Sally like magic like Tony did? Did Sally like to bake and hang out with Tony’s crazy family and listen to Queen and get high like Tony did?

No. She didn’t. They weren’t right for each other. And they never would be right for each other.

Sally was supposed to be with someone like Michael. Someone who liked the boring things she did, like the debate team and the boring parts of student council that Gob ignored whenever he had to go to a meeting. Someone who liked numbers and business and, like her, was set to take over a real estate empire—even though it should go to Gob, but that wasn’t the point. The point was, Sally and Michael made more sense than Sally and Tony ever did.

And that was how an idea formed in his head.

“So, you like Sally, right?” Gob asked Michael suddenly.

Michael looked up from his homework while Lindsay snorted as she continued to read her magazine. “I…I mean, yes. You know that.”

“Right. And we both know that Tony and Sally shouldn’t be together, right?”

“I…I guess so?” 

“Right! So, you know what we should do?” Gob asked. Michael looked at him questioningly, and Gob supplied the totally obvious answer, “We should break them up!”

Lindsay finally looked up from her magazine at that, and Michael didn’t look any less confused. “What?”

“We should break them up!” Gob repeated.

“How?” Michael asked.

“Have you never seen a movie?” Gob asked with a dramatic sigh. “It’s easy to break up couples that don’t belong together. You get them to doubt their relationship, you help them find flaws in each other, and you find them someone much better suited for them. In this case, we obviously just need Sally to realize she’s meant to be with you, and then she’ll leave Tony, and I’ll find Tony someone who he can actually work with. Someone who’s right for him—because that person is not Sally Sitwell.”

“But Michael’s a total dork around her. And, like, every other girl on the planet,” Lindsay pointed out. “How are you gonna get her to get with him?”

“Hey!” Michael said, glaring at his sister.

“I thought about that,” Gob said calmly, “Yes, we know Michael isn’t good with women.” Michael turned back to glare at him, but Gob continued, “But I am. I’ve been meaning to teach you a thing or two from my playbook; it might as well be now when we have such a good cause.”

While Michael actually looked thoughtful, Lindsay said, “Well, you’d need to make him over, too.”

“I was hoping you could help with that part,” Gob said.

Lindsay’s face burst into a smile. “I get to actually make him dress like a cool person?” She squealed a little. “I am totally in.”

“Awesome!” Gob turned to Michael, who still didn’t look completely convinced. “Michael? What do you say?”

Michael looked between the two of them and their hopeful faces. He was taking so long to respond that Gob was getting worried. "Come on, Mikey; they don't belong together. They were even arguing when I left them that night! You totally belong with Sally and you know it."

Slowly, Michael started to smile. “Okay, I’m in.”

Gob cheered and pulled out his notebook. At least his siblings realized that wanting to break up Tony and Sally wasn’t weird. 

Chapter Text

Insanity Laughs Under Pressure We're Breaking

Gob was a big fan of pretty much every holiday, with each one holding a special place in his heart. New Year’s was a chance to drink and make-out with someone at midnight. Thanksgiving meant a big, homemade meal by the family maid, Rosa. And there was no way to describe how much he adored Christmas and never wanted that holiday to end, his spirit normally infecting everyone around him, even those who didn't celebrate the holiday.

But, of course, he was also a huge fan of Halloween. As a kid, he loved dressing up and having an excuse to get free candy; honestly, he was as bad with candy as Buster was with juice when he was a kid—not that he would ever admit that he had anything in common with his baby brother, because that would be lame. And as he grew up, Halloween led to awesome parties and, well, he still enjoyed the whole dressing up element of it, but, much like the similarities he had with Buster, he didn’t always admit to that part easily. 

Well, at least he didn't use to. But then he befriended Tony, and Tony was basically the living embodiment of Halloween. Tony was normally so serious and mature, at least in comparison to Gob, but when Halloween came around, he got as excitable as, well, Gob at Christmas. And all of Tony's excitement plus Gob's plus all the Halloween parties meant a lot of opportunities to put on magic shows. Which meant that he and Tony and the few other members of their magic club, none of whom were even close to being as dedicated or talented as their leaders, had a lot of prep for Gob’s Halloween Spectacular.

One afternoon after practicing during their weekly club meeting, Gob and Tony headed out of the school building together, stopping by their lockers on the way out. “So, I’ve been brainstorming costume ideas,” Gob said as Tony sorted through his books. He was normally the one who came up with their costume ideas, and then Tony would help come up with the best ways to pull them off. So far the two of them, over various different parties throughout the month of October over the years, had been everything from Batman and Robin (Tony was a Boy "Wonder", after all, as Gob pointed out) to the members of WHAM! (Gob obviously being George Michael because of his name) to Maverick and Iceman from Top Gun. But now it was their senior year, which meant they had to go for the ultimate costume, and Gob had the best idea.

“Uh huh?” 

“Yeah. I was thinking we could finally do that one we’ve wanted to do forever,” Gob said brightly.

Tony turned to him and raised an eyebrow, grinning broadly. “David Bowie and Freddie Mercury?” It had been a friends costume the two had discussed for many years at that point, ever since the two of them had realized just how much the other loved those two artists, though both of them favored one over the other. Tony's love of sticking out fit David Bowie so well, and Gob was, after all, a charming man with a talent for piano.

“Yeah,” Gob confirmed with an enthusiastic nod. “I figured we might as well while we can, you know?”

Tony frowned. “Hey, we could have a lot of opportunities in New York, too.”

Gob shrugged. He still didn’t know how much that was really an opportunity for the two of them, so he just continued, “We need everyone else to see it, though, too. Plus, my dad’s gonna be out of town this year, so he can’t be all… him about it.”

At that sentiment, Tony scoffed and nodded. He more or less hated Gob’s parents, but there was something so particular about how Gob’s dad treated his son—and him for that matter—that really pissed him off. At least Lucille seemed to ignore him, but Gob always so desperately sought out George’s approval, only for his dad to more or less dismiss him or insult him at every turn.

Of course, Tony was pretty sure Gob didn’t understand why his dad treated him like that, if he even noticed it half the time. Tony wasn’t convinced Gob realized how much what his dad said was meant to insult him, and he didn’t have the heart to let him know they were insults.

“What era Freddie were you thinking?” Tony asked as he closed his locker.

The two continued their way out as Gob said, “Probably Hot Space era to match ‘Under Pressure’, but I don’t know. My hair’s kinda Jazz era and I’m not sure I can pull off the mustache, you know?”

Tony nodded. “And you’d probably want me more in a Space Oddity or Ziggy Stardust look, right?”

“That’s probably the most recognizable.”

“Well, that could definitely make for a nice, flashy costume for the magic show,” Tony reasoned as they stepped outside.

“So, wanna go shopping for stuff this weekend?

When Tony didn’t answer right away, Gob stopped walking and looked at him expectedly. Tony had always been so game for those costumes, but Gob had always been too hesitant to do them. Why was he suddenly backing out now?

“I’d love to,” Tony said, and even Gob could hear there was a but coming with that. And, sure enough, Tony continued, “But I should check with Sally first. She was talking about doing a couple's costume.”

Gob didn't bother holding back an eye roll. It seemed like every conversation they had lately was taken up by Sally Sitwell at one point or another. Either Tony would bring her up or she'd swoop in out of nowhere. She seemed to pop up everywhere, like during lunch or at the mall or other parties she used to never be caught dead at. And she was taking up Tony's time he could've been spending with Gob. Normally, Gob could call or randomly show up on a weekend and hang out with his best friend, but lately he'd call and be told Tony was busy. With Sally.

And Gob didn’t even get why he was so busy with her, seeing as he wasn’t even getting busy with her. He didn’t get the point of constantly hanging out with a girl when sex wasn’t even involved, but Tony insisted they had fun together—and, no, when Gob asked, it was clear that Tony didn’t even mean “fun” like how Gob would define it, like with at least some hands involved. But, seriously, not only was it annoying that Tony was ditching him for Sally, but he was ditching him to hang out with someone else. If it was sex or something, Gob would possibly understand. And he would’ve been more understanding if it had been Eve or someone, too, as in someone actually proven to be worthy of Tony’s time and up to Gob’s standards—and not the object of his brother’s desires, which was obviously the biggest problem with the whole thing. But, nope. Tony was with Sally Fucking Stickwell.

But, again, not that Tony was even getting to appreciate the Stickwell nickname Gob had given her in his head.

Before Gob could so much as comment on how lame the whole idea of a couple's costume with Sally was, the fucking devil in question walked over from where she had been practicing on the cheerleading field, pom-poms in hand. “Hey, babe,” she greeted Tony, giving him a kiss on the cheek. “I need to shower and change, but walk me home?”

“Yeah, sure,” Tony said. They both smiled at each other in a way that made Gob’s skin crawl and his stomach churn.

“Hey, Gob,” she said briefly before heading off to the school to shower post-cheerleading practice.

Lindsay walked by as well and reminded Gob, “Don’t forget to wait for me.”

“I won’t,” he said. He gave her a significant look and said, “And don’t forget about your job.” Lindsay nodded and headed back towards the school building.

When Gob turned back to Tony, his friend was raising his eyebrows. “What job?”

“…What?”

“You told Lindsay to not forget her job?”

Not sure what else to say, Gob repeated, “…What?”

Tony gave him a weird look, but soon just shook his head and said, “Never mind.” Sometimes it was best to not try to understand what Gob meant.

Gob knew the family money really came from real estate, but damn was the best business of theirs really the banana one. He was always kinda jealous that Michael got to work at the stand, since that meant hanging out in the sun and all the free bananas he could eat, right? But his dad never trusted him with, well, anything, and Gob figured it was cooler that he didn’t have to make his own money anyways. 

Plus, the yellow of the banana stand shirt was so not his color.

Anyways, once Gob had a Bluth Banana in hand and Michael had a lull in customers, Lindsay cleared her throat. “So, I did some digging into the whole Sally and Tony thing after practice today.”

Both Gob and Michael nodded, and Gob asked, “What did you find out?”

“Well, I asked her why she went after Tony despite obviously liking Michael,” Lindsay started. “She said she figured that his inaction meant he wasn’t interested, so she didn’t see the point of continuing down that road.”

“Told you,” Gob said to Michael.

“Shut up,” Michael sighed, looking back to his sister. “Did she say she still likes me?”

“I didn’t ask that, but I doubt she got over you in the, like, month they’ve been dating,” Lindsay said simply as Gob started to lightly suck the chocolate off the tip of his banana. “Besides, a girl can tell these things; I’m sure she’s still interested.” Michael smiled a goofy, pleased smile and nodded. “So, then I was like, ‘okay, Michael and Tony are so different, so why did you go for Tony after that?’ And she went on about all these things she likes about him.”

“Like what?” Michael asked, sounding nervous.

“She likes that he’s smart and confident. And that he’s exotic .”

Gob pulled off of his banana with a frown. “…But he’s white,” Gob said, confused.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but Jewish people aren’t too common here, Gob. Same with Jewish-Italian combos.”

Michael nodded. “Yeah, we’re in an area full of WASPs.”

Gob ducked on instinct. “Where?”

“Oh my god,” Lindsay and Michael sighed together.

“It’s an acronym,” Michael said. At Gob’s blank look, he merely said, “It stands for White Anglo-Saxon Protestants.” Gob still gave him a blank look. “It means stuffy, white people.”

“Oh,” Gob said slowly. “Like mom.”

“Exactly.”

“And you.”

“Hey!”

“Anyways,” Lindsay said, interrupting any possible fight that could result from that. “She likes that he’s exotic and different from everyone else at school. And she likes his piercings.” Gob nodded; okay, he could get that, because they were really cool. “And he makes her laugh.” Gob nodded again; he was sure Sally didn’t even know how funny Tony really was. “And she likes how he listens.” Yet again, Gob nodded; Tony was one of the best listeners he knew.

“Oh, and she likes his facial hair, because she says it tickles.”

Gob started to nod before he stopped himself. He definitely didn’t know what that felt like. Did girls really like that? He couldn’t imagine why. Who would want to be tickled when they kissed? Maybe tickled somewhere else—but, no, that wasn't the subject at hand.

“Well, I don’t think Michael can grow a beard,” Gob said thoughtfully before sticking an inappropriate amount of banana in his mouth. He always liked to suck off as much chocolate off of it as he could, sometimes just licking it all off and discarding the rest of the banana.

Michael and Lindsay both wrinkled their noses as their brother basically deep-throated the Bluth Banana. After a moment, Lindsay said, “No, but I don’t think we need to worry about that. We need to focus on the things Michael can bring from that list, as well as the positives he can bring that Tony doesn’t have.”

Gob hummed and nodded around the banana stuffed in his mouth. He pulled it out and licked over his lips. “Right. But we need to work on the confidence thing, too,” he pointed out. He looked at Michael and said, “At least if you ever want to actually, like, talk to her.”

"I talk to her! We're on the debate team together!"

"Yeah, but that's the only time you manage to talk to her," Gob said with a snort. "You need to learn how to flirt with her. And confidence will help you with flirting. Plus, I'll make sure to give you some tips." After a moment, Michael nodded. He knew his brother didn't know a lot  more than him in most subjects, but he definitely did when it came to girls.

“Definitely a good idea,” Lindsay agreed. “And we should make it clear that you also know all that boring stuff Tony doesn’t, like about real estate and stuff, right?”

Michael nodded. “Yeah—but it’s not boring, it’s actually—”

“Whatever,” Lindsay interrupted before Michael could try to say anything else. “So, we’ll work on making sure she knows you’ve got that going on. And, again, the whole confidence thing. Nothing’s gonna give you more confidence than a good makeover.”

“That’s what the movies say,” Gob said with a nod before licking up the length of the banana to get some chocolate he missed. "How long do you need before we can hit the mall?" Gob asked Lindsay.

"A week tops," she said. At Gob and Michael's surprised look, Lindsay snorted. "Please. I've been waiting for this opportunity for years; I even have plans for whenever you're ready to actually dress like a cool person." Gob hit her arm, but she just laughed along with Michael before tightening her side-pony. 

When Gob was in elementary school, he had to go to the guidance counselor a lot. It was something a kid like Gob, a kid who seemed to feel too much, was just destined to do. There were a few times he got sent for getting in a fight with Michael when their recesses overlapped. One time he got sent there for bursting into tears in the middle of class the day after the family cat had died. And, of course, he was often sent there for just being a general nuisance in class, refusing and unable to sit still and pay attention most days.

Gob never really minded going back then. In those days, he normally got to draw or color when he was there, which, yeah, was super girly, but it was much better than going to class. Of course, the actual best part was that he always got to talk and it seemed like someone actually listened for once. That never seemed to happen outside of the guidance counselor’s office, not when he was a kid.

But as he grew older, those visits stopped. Whenever he acted out in middle school, he just got sent to the principal’s or was given detention instead of getting counseled, guided or otherwise.

However, now that he was in high school, he was forced by the school to meet up with his guidance counselor a couple times a year. For his freshman, sophomore, and junior years, it was just to enroll for classes for the next semester, but as a senior, he also had to meet up with his counselor to discuss colleges and the future. While it wasn’t nearly as much fun as meeting with his guidance counselor with all the cool crayons like when he was a kid, at least his counselor, Mr. Hoffman, was honest with him and a pretty chill dude that didn’t try to push him too hard. It just sucked that he had to stay after school to have the meeting, since that meant he couldn’t take Tony home and hang out with him right away, and that was about the only time they seemed to see each other alone anymore. Ever since fucking Sally Sitwell.

“So,” Mr. Hoffman started once Gob sat down at his desk, firmly knocking Gob out of his Sally Sitwell rage, “have you changed your mind about colleges since we last met?”

At the end of the previous school year, Gob had announced that he had no interest in colleges. And while Mr. Hoffman didn’t seem thrilled with the idea, he definitely didn’t seem to have any way to convince Gob he belonged at college or anything.

“Not really,” Gob said with a shrug.

Surprisingly, Mr. Hoffman actually frowned at that.

“You know, in preparation for our meeting, I looked over your grades on your progress report,” he said. “And I was impressed—and, frankly, surprised—to see that you got some A’s.”

Gob blinked a few times. “A’s? Me?” Mr. Hoffmann pulled out his progress report and showed it to Gob and Gob scanned through his schedule. When he finally saw the two A’s, he just snorted and leaned back in his chair.

“It’s just my music classes,” Gob said, crossing his arms. “That’s not a big deal. Anyone can get A’s in that.”

Mr. Hoffman looked at him incredulously. “Gob, that’s not true.” Gob raised his eyebrows and his counselor went on to explain, “Do you know how well your other classmates are doing in theory?”

Gob shook his head. “I mean, it’s easy, though, so they can’t be doing that bad.”

“Well, Miss Wilson says you have the highest grade in the class.” Gob simply stared back, extremely confused at the new information. “You know, the second semester of the class turns into AP Music Theory, and she really wants you to take it.”

At that point, Gob laughed out loud. “What? Me? An AP class? Me?!”

But his counselor wasn’t listening to his disbelief. Instead, he was pulling out some pamphlet. “Miss Wilson also told me about some of your piano accomplishments and I read through your independent study proposal again. I have to say, your résumé is quite impressive.”

He shrugged, though he did feel some pride at that.

“So, you’ve played a lot of pieces, right?” Gob nodded and Mr. Hoffman opened the pamphlet in front of him. “Have you ever played a Chopin étude?”

“Oh, yeah, tons of them,” Gob said.

“What about a Beethoven, Mozart, Haydn, or Schubert sonata?”

“Who hasn’t?”

“A Bach prelude and fugue?”

“A couple, yeah.”

“A substantial piece by Brahms, Liszt, Schuman—”

“Schumann,” Gob corrected, making sure to pronounce the "a" like "ah" like it was meant to be as he casually looked down at his nails.

Mr. Hoffman chuckled. “I guess that means ‘yes’.” Then he added, “And something over six minutes by any other composer in a different style?”

Gob had to think on that one. “Yeah, probably.” Finally he asked, “Why?”

“Well, those are all the requirements for Juilliard’s Bachelor of Music audition, and those are the strictest requirements, so you’d definitely be ready to audition anywhere else.” Gob opened his mouth to argue, but Mr. Hoffman continued, “Look, I know it’s not a practical career and I know the idea of leaving everything you know in California can be scary, but it doesn't even have to be Juilliard. I would suggest looking more at the conservatories than other colleges, though, given your grades, and the closest one here is San Francisco, but you can still give USC and UCLA a try if you want—even Chapman's music program is acceptable enough."

He pushed the brochure towards Gob and handed him a few more for some other music schools and Gob was too overwhelmed to even think about objecting to taking them from him. “Talk with your parents and look through those brochures and see what your piano teacher thinks. You can even use your independent study to help get ready for those auditions.” After a moment, he added, “And I’m going to go ahead and sign you up for that AP class—you need something during that time slot anyways.” Gob opened his mouth, trying to make his voice work, but Mr. Hoffman said, "Gob…you seem to have a real talent here. A natural one. You shouldn't waste it."

Gob closed his mouth. His piano teacher had said stuff like this, but someone from school? No teacher or guidance counselor or anything had ever said something like that to him. So, he just mutely shoved the brochures into his music binder and left with the promise to come back for another appointment the next week.

Gob knocked on the Wunderlich’s door and waited impatiently for someone to answer. While he normally just barged in during breakfast hours or when they knew he was coming, he always knocked when he dropped by unannounced.

Of course, it wasn’t often that he dropped by unannounced; they normally expected him to come over pretty much constantly. But ever since Tony started dating Sally Sitwell—ugh—Gob hadn’t been around as much. Because Tony was busy, except, as Gob had made note of many times already, he still wasn't getting busy—

His latest mental rant about the subject stopped abruptly when Chiara opened the door. “Oh, hey.”

“Hey. Tony here?” Gob asked hopefully.

“Yeah, he’s upstairs,” she answered. Gob let out a sigh in relief and, once he was inside, ran up the stairs and down the familiar path to the room Tony shared with his brothers. He planned on just walking straight into his room, but when he kneeled down to re-tie a shoelace right outside the partially closed door, he heard Angela’s whispered voice coming from inside the room.

“What about Sammy?”

“This has nothing to do with Sammy,” Tony replied, also trying to keep his voice down. Clearly they didn’t want to be overheard, so Gob figured he should go in and interrupt them instead of trying to eavesdrop. He did have some level of a conscience.

“And what about Gob?”

…Okay, he had a conscience, but he also needed to know how he fit into whatever they were talking about.

“It has nothing to do with him, either, I told you I don't—and, hey, it has nothing to do with you, Ange! This isn’t your business!”

“Well, sorry, I actually like Sally—she was the sweetest of the freshman on the cheerleading team last year—and I don’t like the idea of you leading her on.” Gob frowned. How was Tony leading Sally on? He was pretty sure it was the other way if anything, seeing as she wasn’t putting out at all. “It’s not like you’re really interested—”

“How many times do I have to tell you I like both?”

“Suuure.” Tony huffed at his sister’s response but she continued, “Just…don’t hurt her, okay?”

“I don’t plan on it.”

The two of them fell silent and, after a few more seconds, Gob stood up and knocked on the door before opening it the rest of the way.

“Gob? Hey!” Tony greeted him, a slight panic in his voice. “What—what are you doing here?”

“Nothing,” Gob said casually. “I just thought we could hang out.”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, of course. I mean, I have a date later, but until then, yeah?”

Gob forced on a smile. "Of course."

Angela stood up and said, “Well, I’ll be off, then.” Giving Gob her usually flirty smile, she said, “Try to have fun without me.”

“It’ll be hard, but we’ll try,” Gob said, though his usual flirty smirk wasn’t quite as powerful as usual. 

“So, how was the meeting with your guidance counselor?” Tony asked.

“It was cool. Nothing big. He gave me all these apps to fill out, though.”

Tony raised his eyebrows; he knew that Gob had made it clear he didn’t plan on applying to colleges with his counselor the year before. “Yeah?”

Gob nodded and looked down at his feet. “It was weird…He told me I had A’s on my progress reports. In my independent study and in theory.” Before Tony could say anything, Gob rushed out, “But those are, like, my two easiest classes, so that doesn’t really mean anything.”

“Gob, those aren’t easy for everyone.”

“Apparently,” Gob said. “He said I have the highest grade of all the kids—so he’s making me take AP theory next semester.”

Tony grinned. “Why, Gob Bluth! Are you turning into an honors student right in front of my eyes?” Gob groaned and Tony continued to tease, "Do we have to get you glasses? A pocket-protector? A nice, fancy calculator?"

“Shut up!” Gob whined as Tony nudged him teasingly. “God, I already had you on my case about applying to Juilliard, and now Hoffman thinks I should, too—”

“See? It’s a good choice for you!” Gob rolled his eyes and Tony sighed. “Look, I want to do magic, too, but there aren’t any schools that offer that major yet. Which is totally unfair and discriminatory to the whole magician community, but whatever. Going to college means we’ll have a degree which will make it easier to get jobs while we build up our magician reps, right?”

“Or we could stay here and you could keep working for your parents and I could keep getting paid by mine instead,” Gob pointed out.

“No way, man. I know you’d miss Southern California, but imagine getting away from everyone else here,” Tony said.

Gob merely shrugged. The information was too fresh in his mind, too weird, and with the conversation he had overheard, he really had too much on his mind to think about it anymore. "Wanna watch a movie?" Gob suggested, trying to change the subject.

Tony seemed to understand that his friend needed to stop talking about it and nodded. "How about The Outsiders?" 

Seconds later, the two were racing down the stairs to the kitchen to make some popcorn and get some drinks ready for their movie.

Before leaving the Wunderlich’s, Gob stopped by Angela’s room. He knocked on the door and entered a few seconds later, relieved to find that Chiara, who she shared the room with, wasn’t there. Angela herself was painting her toenails on her bed, and she briefly looked up when Gob came in.

“Hey! You looking for a pedicure?” Angela teased.

“No way, man; that stuff took forever to get off last time,” Gob mumbled. As a joke he had let Angela paint his toenails when he spent the night once, but he immediately had to lock himself into his bathroom at home with Lindsay’s nail polish remover before his dad could see it. Michael had teased him enough when he had seen the red color anyways.

“Well, I’m kinda stuck here until mine are dry, so hopefully you aren’t looking for anything that involves me moving.”

Gob went to sit on the opposite side of her bed, careful to avoid touching her feet and said, “So, I heard you and Tony talking earlier?”

Angela paused and slowly looked up at him. “…How much did you hear?”

“I don’t know. Enough?” Gob shrugged. “I take it you don’t like Tony dating Sally?”

She looked at him for a moment, studying him, before finally responding, “No, I don’t.”

“Me, neither.”

Angela raised an eyebrow at him. “Really? Why are you against it?”

Gob scoffed. “Why wouldn’t I be? It makes no sense! I mean—you know, Michael’s been obsessed with Sally for years now.” That was the most important part of why he was against it. Obviously.

“Aw, I thought he was obsessed with me ,” Angela teased with a mock pout.

“What can I say? He has a thing for blondes—not that I can see him with one.” After a beat he added, “No offense.”

Angela laughed. “None taken.”

“But anyways, Michael and Sally makes so much more sense than Tony and Sally. Right? Like, Michael and Sally have so much in common—the real estate fathers thing, debate club, all the academic stuff no one cares about. Like, what do her and Tony even have in common?” Gob ranted. “Nothing. They have nothing in common.”

“I guess that’s true,” Angela said, though Gob wasn’t really listening.

“So…” Gob looked towards the door to make sure they were alone. He leaned in closer and quietly said, “I’m working on a plan to break them up.”

Angela’s eyebrows rose. “What?”

“I’m working on it with Michael and Lindsay. You get that they shouldn’t be together, right? It’s not…it’s not weird or anything, I just…he deserves to be with someone who’s like him. Someone who understands him.”

“Uh huh…”

After a pause, Gob asked, “Do you wanna help?”

She looked at him curiously, obviously intrigued. “What would you want from me?”

Gob perked up. “Do you know this Sammy person?”

Again, Angela’s eyebrows rose and her eyes widened. “He told you about Sammy?” she whispered in shock.

Gob snorted. “Yeah, not until he got back. I can’t believe I spent the whole summer thinking he was a virgin and trying to come up with a way to get him laid by his first girl for no reason.” Gob shook his head and continued, “I was just thinking, if you can contact her, I know he said Sammy’s not his girlfriend or anything, but maybe hearing from her will remind him that there are better options for him than Sally .”

For a moment, Angela looked confused, but she seemed to finally follow what Gob was saying and she snorted and shook her head. Finally capping her nail polish, she said, “No, I don’t know how to contact Sammy.”

“Ugh,” Gob sighed. That seemed like such a good plan.

“What other ideas do you have?”

“Well, the main idea is making Sally realize she should be with Michael, right?” Gob said. “So, we need to work on making him over to get him noticed and build up his confidence. I'm working with him on learning how to flirt and Lindsay’s in charge of the makeover stuff.”

“I could help with that,” Angela said, smiling a little. “I used to help my aunt at her hair salon, too, so I could totally cut his hair and everything!"

Gob laughed a little. “That’d be great, but I think you washing Michael’s hair would make him, like, die on the spot. Or cream his pants. Or both.”

Angela wrinkled her nose. “Ugh. Well…probably.” She laughed a little herself and said, “That’s definitely something he’ll have to work on if he wants to date Sally.” After a beat she added, “Hey, that’s another way I could help! He can practice actually talking to me like a human being.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” Gob agreed. “If he can actually talk to you, he can definitely handle talking to Sally Sitwell outside of the debate team.”

"Definitely. Sally's got nothing on me," Angela agreed with a grin. "Though I'll miss him turning into a mindless idiot in front of me. That's been fun."

Gob laughed. "Don't worry, Ange; there will always be plenty of guys turning into mindless idiots in front of you."

A few days later, Gob was sitting at the keyboard in his room. His headphones were in as he concentrated on a new piece he had been given for his piano lesson the next day. It was his first Rachmaninoff piece, and he was really starting to enjoy it a lot—he had to admit that he was enjoying pounding the keys at certain points, especially after everything that had been happening. It also seemed particularly good for the time of the year, since it was so…haunting.

Not that he would ever tell anyone that was a word he used for a beautiful piece of music.

He was so invested on the piece that he, as usual, didn't hear anything around him. His eyes were focused on the piece in front of him as the phone rang in the background, his body moving slightly with the music. Gob didn't hear the door to his room open, either, but he soon after felt the push on his shoulder. Gob shook his head to signal he needed a minute, but the hand pushed again and Gob sighed dramatically and took off his headphones.

"What?" Gob demanded as he turned to face his sister.

"Phone for you," Lindsay said. He raised his eyebrows, since normally no one bothered to interrupt him while he was practicing. Unless—

"Tony?" Gob asked. Lindsay nodded and Gob all but launched himself across his bed to grab his phone. "Hang up!" He told Lindsay as soon as he answered. Lindsay made a show of turning off her own phone before leaving and closing the door behind her.

"Hey, Tony, what's up?" Gob asked.

"Uh, not much," Tony said. "I just wanted you to know that, uh…Sally and I were talking and she wants to do Claire and Bender from The Breakfast Club for Halloween."

Gob's stomach dropped. "But…but we always do a costume together," Gob said.

"I know, I know. And I tried saying she could be one of Bowie's girlfriends or something, but she turned it down," Tony said. "I was thinking I could wear that for the show at your place, though? Like, change into that, and then change back into Bender?"

"But…but then what? I'll just be Freddie Mercury? With no band or Bowie?" Gob asked, scoffing. 

"Hey, Freddie's done solo stuff, too. Why not?" 

Gob shook his head. "Everyone knows his best stuff has been collaborations. Even that CD with the opera singer was better than most of his solo stuff."

"I'm sorry. I mean, maybe you can get some other people involved?" Tony suggested, making Gob snort. Tony sighed softly. "I can help you come up with a good solo costume if you want. But, hey, we can still be Bowie and Freddie for the show, right?" Gob remained silent and, after a few moments, Tony nervously asked, "Unless you don't want to have corresponding costumes for that?"

For a little while longer, Gob remained silent, a million emotions and thoughts running through him. Finally, he managed to say, "Nah, man. We gotta stick together for that. And, hey, you're right. Freddie went solo, too." After a moment, he added, "Besides, it's not like I plan on staying in my costume for long, right?" Gob forced out a laugh and Tony laughed quietly with him.

"Yeah, right," Tony chuckled. 

"Yep," Gob said. "Well, I should go. I was in the middle of practicing. So."

"Oh. Uh, yeah. Right. Of course," Tony said, obviously surprised. Gob was rarely the one who ended their phone calls, and definitely never so quickly. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, I'll pick you up as usual," Gob agreed. "Bye."

"Goodb—"

Gob hung up on Tony mid-word, surprising even himself. In fact, he surprised himself so much he ended up staring at the receiver in his hand for a long time, trying to figure out how he managed to do that.

Then his thoughts turned to wondering how Tony could do that. How could he let Sally take away their Halloween tradition? Why would he dress up as some dumb character from an overrated movie that came out years ago when he could be dressing up as fucking David Bowie? The guy he idolized? The guy who inspired him as much as Freddie inspired Gob? The costume pairing Tony had been begging for for years? How could he turn that down? How could he fuck up their Halloween like that? How could he mess up what could be their last Halloween together?

How could he let fucking Sally Sitwell ruin their senior year?

Gob threw his phone across his room in frustration. He regretted it a split second later when he realized he had thrown it in the direction of his keyboard. It hit the music stand behind the keyboard with a loud crack, sending sheet music flying everywhere.

“Shit!”

Thankfully his music stand seemed to survive the blow, but he had to spend several minutes re-arranging the loose pieces of sheet music he had been practicing. He really needed to get it back in its binder.

He looked through his book bag and opened up the binder, frowning as he saw the college brochures in there. He had totally forgotten about his appointment with his guidance counselor.

After a moment of hesitation, Gob picked up the Juilliard one. Inside were pictures of all these students, kids playing pianos in beautiful halls, some with full orchestras behind them in what was obviously some concerto performance. There were pictures of students in lessons, students hanging out with other kids, students looking over sheet music. And they were all smiling, laughing, enjoying themselves.

He eventually ended up on the audition requirements page. Just like Mr. Hoffmann had listed, Gob indeed had enough pieces to audition.

Closing the pamphlet again, Gob shook his head to himself. Who was he kidding? It wasn’t like his parents—or at least his dad —would pay for him to study music.

But then a little voice reminded him what Tony had said. “Your mom would make him.”

That was true. And even if he didn’t, Gob could get one of those student loan thingies, right? Like Tony was going to? Or maybe he could put it on a credit card?

Gob looked back at the material in his hands, his fingers running over the address. New York, NY. That would get him far away from everything he hated in his town: his dumb classes, the clingy ex-girlfriends of his past—

Certain girlfriends of the moment who never left him and Tony alone…

Gob looked at his sheet music and slowly smiled. It seemed he had some pieces to refine after all.

Chapter Text

I'm Gonna Be the Man Who's Lonely Without You

At Gob’s next piano lesson, he broached the subject of music schools with his teacher.

“I’d been hoping you’d change your mind,” Miss Griffin said excitedly, clapping her hands together.

Gob smiled. “Yeah…I figured I might as well go for it, right?” She nodded in agreement and he handed her the Juilliard requirements.

“Oh, you definitely have all of these."

“Cool,” Gob said. “Now I just…need to convince my parents.” He sighed and looked down at his lap. He knew that was going to be the hardest part, even harder than the whole getting into Juilliard in the first place.

Miss Griffin frowned at Gob’s obviously upset face. She brought a hand to his sympathetically and he looked back up at her. “Want me to help?”

Thankfully, George always cleared out of the house when Gob had his piano lessons, so that meant only Lucille was around. When she came by at the end with her check for the lesson, Miss Griffin asked if they could talk for a minute.

“Of course,” Gob’s mom said graciously. She always was willing to be nice and courteous in small doses to people outside of the family. Keeping up appearances and all.

Once his mom had sat down, Gob looked nervously to Miss Griffin to continue the subject. “Have you thought at all about Gob’s future?”

Lucille frowned slightly. “What do you mean?”

“Colleges, majors, anything like that?”

“Last I heard, he wasn’t interested in furthering his education,” Lucille said cooly. “And I wasn’t aware his grades were up to any college’s standards.”

Miss Griffin’s eyes narrowed slightly and Gob intervened. “I got mostly B’s and two A’s on my progress report,” he said. Lucille raised her eyebrows and he said, “The A’s were in my music classes. I, uh, actually have the highest grade in my theory class.”

Surprisingly, that made Lucille smile a little. That gave Gob the courage to say, “I was thinking of, you know…pursuing that? Like, applying to conservatories and stuff? Like Juilliard? Manhattan School of Music?”

His mom’s lips pursed slightly, but her face was completely unreadable. After what felt like years to a very nervous Gob, but was likely just a few seconds, she finally said, “I think that’s a great idea.”

What?

Gob looked at his teacher excitedly and then back to his mom. “Really?”

“Of course,” she said reasonably. “Lord knows you don’t have the business savvy to run the company in the future.” After a moment she relented, “Besides, you’re actually good at it, unlike that whole… magic thing.” Gob frowned, but managed to bite his tongue, which hurt, but at least kept him from talking. “I think it makes the most sense for your future.”

Gob hesitated before asking the real question. “So…you’ll help pay for it?” She nodded and he added, “What about dad?”

Lucille actually laughed at that. “Don’t worry about that; I can handle your father.” With that, she stood up and asked, “Is that all?” Gob nodded and she brushed off her skirt and walked out of the living room.

“Wow,” Gob said softly. “That went better than I expected.” Miss Griffin nodded in agreement. 

“So, we’re hitting the mall this weekend, right?” Lindsay asked her brothers. Gob had met up with them at their lockers, since, with his right next to Tony’s, they couldn’t discuss The Plan (trademark pending) there. Plus, did Gob really want to be seen with his siblings in the senior locker bay? No way, man.

“Yep. First, we’re going to get Ange to cut his hair, then we can go to the mall,” Gob said.

“Oh, Angela’s doing that?” Lindsay asked, giggling a bit as she noticed her twin brother turning red at the idea. “She’s really good; you’re gonna look great. You know, if you don’t die from her touching you.”

Michael rolled his eyes as both Gob and Lindsay laughed at him. “I’m going to be fine .” He looked over at Gob and asked, “And Tony won’t be there, right?”

He snorted and crossed his arms as he said, “Tony and Sally are going to a pumpkin patch all day or something. How fucking lame is that ?”

Lindsay shrugged. “Sounds kinda cute, actually.” Gob gave her a glare and she said, “Hey, I’m just being honest.”

Before they could get in some argument, Michael asked, “Do I really have to do the makeover part?”

“ Obviously ,” Gob replied.

Michael sighed and adjusted his backpack on his shoulders. “She seemed to like me fine before; why can’t I just wear what I usually wear?”

“Have you seen what you usually wear?” Lindsay replied. Michael glared and she sighed. “Michael, you dress like you’re a businessman already and it makes you blend into the walls. Like, literally, those khakis are the same color as the wall. See?” Michael looked down at his pants and then over at the wall. Okay, she had a point there.

Gob nodded. “It’s the ‘80s, Mikey! You’re allowed to actually wear colors now.”

Lindsay nodded as well. “Gob might wear a bit too much color, but at least he’s embraced that.” Gob rolled his eyes and Lindsay smirked in response.

“It’s better to have too many colors than not enough,” Gob argued, and Lindsay nodded in agreement. “And, honestly, with the outfits combined with the hair…” On their own, neither of them was that bad. Michael’s hair was a little long, sure, but a lot of guys wore it long, but it wasn’t so long he looked like he could be in Whitesnake or anything, it was just long enough to make him look younger than he was, especially since he never styled it. Then you added in his wardrobe of khakis and neutral, long-sleeved button-ups that looked like they belonged to some old, white suburban father of three? It was a weird combo that just did not go together.

“Yeah, it’s not a great combo, Michael. And, come on, we’ll have fun on Saturday!” Before Lindsay could say anything else, the warning bell went off. She looked at her swatch and swore. “I have to get all the way to the gym. I’ll catch you later!” With that she closed her locker and ran off towards the gym.

Since Michael’s class was in the same direction as his, the two brothers ended up walking together. “I don’t get what you’re so nervous about. You know Lindsay knows this stuff; she’s gonna make you look great,” Gob said.

“It’s not that,” Michael said. “I like my clothes. They’re comfy and everything. And shouldn’t I not have to change everything to get Sally’s attention? Isn’t that a bad thing?”

“In a perfect world, sure,” Gob agreed. “But we’re just trying to get you an edge. And Ange knows hair and skin and all of that better than, like, anyone I know, so she’s gonna make you look good, too.”

“Yeah…” Michael looked like he was going to be sick at the thought.

Gob couldn’t help but laugh a little. “Come on, Mikey. If you actually wanna date Sally, you have to be able to handle a girl doing your hair.”

“I can handle it!” Michael insisted desperately.

“You better be able to. You don’t wanna look like a chicken, you know.”

“I am not a chicken!”

“You sure about that?”

Michael didn’t get a chance to say anything back, and Gob didn’t get a chance to mock him any more for being a chicken, because Michael walked right into some girl. The girl’s books and some loose papers fell out of her arms and she apologized quickly, “Oh—I’m so sorry!”

“No, no, I’m sorry; I wasn’t looking where I was going,” Michael insisted as he knelt down to help the girl with her books and papers. Gob just stood back and watched, grinning. God, his brother really couldn’t be around a girl without causing some disaster, could he?

“It’s fine, I wasn’t looking, either; I’m sorry,” the girl insisted as she knelt down as well.

Michael stacked up the books and the girl grabbed all of the loose papers she had been carrying, including a class schedule and what looked like a map of the school. Michael lifted his head and the two made eye contact. Suddenly, Michael paused in his movements. The girl smiled at him and Michael slowly smiled back. They both stood up and moved at the same pace, never breaking eye contact as they did so.

After a moment, the girl took the books back. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” A second later, Michael added, “I’m Michael, by the way. Michael Bluth.”

The girl continued to smile as she said, “Tracey Lowell.” They smiled at each other again before the girl, Tracey apparently, shyly ducked her head and brought her books to her chest.

Gob raised an eyebrow; why were they acting so weird?

After a moment, Tracey looked back up and said, “Sorry. I’m new and I’m still trying to figure out where everything is. Do you know where the sophomore chemistry classroom is?”

“Of course,” Michael said, almost too eagerly. “I, uh, actually have that right now, too.”

Tracey’s smile grew. “That’s great! I’m glad I met someone I have chemistry with—I mean, I’m glad I met someone with whom I have chemistry.” She shook her head at herself, “I hate when I mess up my grammar like that.”

“Me, too,” Michael said. “I mean, I hate when I mess up my grammar, not when you do—you messing it up is fine. I mean, it didn't bother me or a-anything.” He cleared his throat awkwardly and, his voice cracking a little, he said, “So, uh, yeah, I can take you to class.”

Seeming to forget Gob was there, Michael started to lead her to the classroom. But, of course, Gob wasn’t one to be ignored—or take a hint.

“Michael?” When Michael turned to him, Gob said, “We were walking and talking, remember?”

“Oh,” Michael said. “Well…we can catch up later, right?” Not waiting for an answer, Michael turned back to Tracey and started walking with her to their class.

“That was weird,” Gob muttered to himself. He stood there for a few seconds before shrugging it off and walking to class. Michael always did weird things.

On what felt like the first afternoon they actually got to spend alone together in forever, Gob and Tony worked on their finishing touches for their Halloween costumes. Well, at least the ones for the show since, you know, Tony was going to be some dumb movie character with his girlfriend of a month or two for the rest of the night instead of being dressed with his best friend of nearly three years . But, whatever. Gob was totally over that.

“So, are you sticking with Freddie for the rest of the night?” Tony asked.

“I guess so,” Gob said. He didn’t really want to make another costume and, besides, “I look hot in the leather, so I might as well.”

Tony just chuckled in response, not agreeing or disagreeing.

Gob asked Tony, “You have that pumpkin patch thing this Saturday, right?” While he would’ve been happy for his friend to actually be free on Saturday to hang out with him , he really needed confirmation that Tony would be gone all day before he tried to do the whole makeover part of The Plan (trademark pending).

“Yeah! There’s a lot to do there, like a maze and a hayride and stuff. Then we’re gonna go to her place and make some jack o’lanterns,” Tony said, sounding genuinely excited. “It’s gonna be fun.”

“I’m sure it will be.”

After a moment, Tony added, “You can come if you want.”

Gob snorted. “What? And be some third wheel?”

“Well, no. I mean, you could bring that Marta girl, maybe?”

Again, Gob snorted. “It’s not like I’m dating her or anything. I’ve spoken to her, like, twice since the party.”

“Oh.” Tony nodded. “Yeah…I guess I haven’t been keeping up with your dating life lately. Sorry.”

Gob shrugged. He wouldn’t admit it out loud, but it wasn’t like he had been getting any more action than Tony had. It was hard to come up with a plan to break up your best friend with his terrible girlfriend and still fuck around. Like, really hard. The Plan (trademark pending) was taking up a lot of his time and energy, so, yeah, maybe he wasn’t having as much sex as usual, but it was all going to be worth it when Tony and Sally were over and Michael could be with Sally and Tony could have time to spend with Gob instead and the whole universe was put back in the right order.

“You could still come if you wanted. You wouldn’t be a third wheel,” Tony said.

“I’m not really interested,” Gob said. “Besides, I already have plans.”

“Yeah? With who?”

Okay, he probably shouldn’t have brought that up, because the truth was pretty lame. “I uh…I’m hanging out with Michael and Lindsay. Lindsay’s gonna help Michael find some actual cool clothes. And Angela agreed to cut his hair, so we’re doing that, too.”

“Really? That’s great!”

“Right? Michael needs the makeover.”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” Gob gave Tony a look and Tony admitted, “Okay, yeah, that is good news—the guy dresses like he should be driving a minivan.” Gob laughed with Tony and then Tony continued, “It’s great that you’re hanging out with the twins. I’ve always told you that you should spend more time with your family and get to know them. I think they like spending time with you more than you realize.”

Honestly, Gob didn’t think that was true. He wasn’t the most aware person on the planet, but he was well aware that he wasn’t well-liked by his family. His classmates? That was another story, obviously, but he was sure none of his siblings really felt the same way.

But instead of answering like that, Gob just said, “Of course they do; I’m very popular.”

Tony couldn’t help but roll his eyes, but he seemed to realize Gob didn’t believe him. “Take it from a fellow middle child: they definitely look up to you, and there’s nothing cooler than your older siblings acknowledging your existence and actually enjoying your company. And you guys don’t seem to know that much about each other, and I know they’d love for you to learn more about them.” When Gob didn’t say anything, Tony continued, “Besides, your guys’ house is… tense . You should be a team unit, you know? Help each other through that shit. My house isn’t nearly as stressful in that sense, but we still stick together and it helps whenever my parents get to be too… parental . That could really be useful in the future.”

“Maybe,” Gob relented. Making a smooth segue, he said, “That might be hard to do next year, though. When I’m in New York and everything.”

Slowly, Tony turned to Gob, a smile on his face and his eyebrows raised. “New York?”

“Yeah. I, uh, talked to my piano teacher and then we both talked to my mom. About Juilliard. And she said I could do it—that I should do it—and she’d handle my dad.” At Tony’s continuing smile, Gob added, “And I started working on some apps with Mr. Hoffman and narrowed down my choices. Gonna apply to some places here, but also Juilliard, Manhattan School of Music, and we’re taking a shot at NYU.”

Suddenly, Tony had his arms around Gob in a tight embrace. Like, as tight as Gob normally hugged. It actually made his face heat up a little and he laughed a little as some of the spikes in Tony’s hair tickled his face. Was that the same sort of tickle Sally felt from Tony’s facial hair? Or was the beard a different sort of tickling? The hair tickling his face did actually feel kinda nice, he could sorta see where she was coming from there.

Before he could think on that too long, Tony was pulling away from him with a large smile on his face. “I can’t believe you’re actually doing it! Juilliard! New York City! God—we’re gonna have so much fun there, just the two of us!”

Gob’s cheeks hurt from how widely he was smiling at that thought. “Yeah. Just the two of us.”

When Gob got to the Wunderlich’s place on Saturday with his siblings in tow, Angela led them down to the basement. Gob and Tony rarely went down there, mostly because it was easier to just hang out in his room or splay out on the living room couch when they were hanging out. But Angela had already set up a chair and had even gotten some smock.

“Did you bring the hair dye?” Angela asked Lindsay.

Michael panicked. “Hair dye?”

Lindsay rolled her eyes as she pulled a box out of her bag. “It’s not for you . Angela said she’d help me add some blue to my hair as long as I brought the dye. I want some temporary colored tips and streaks for Halloween—and to piss off mom.” Gob and Lindsay exchanged a high-five and a laugh at that.

Angela gave Michael a smile. “Don’t worry, Michael; I’d never mess with your natural hair color.” She stepped in closer, playfully ran a hand through his hair, and said, “It’s such a great color on you.”

Michael blushed and looked at her with wide eyes. “Uh huh?” He said, his voice somehow managing to crack on those two syllables.

“Uh huh,” Angela teased back.

Gob laughed. “Angie, I know I told you to be extra flirty to try to help out Mikey, but maybe we need to build to that point.”

Grinning, Angela nodded in agreement, her hand and flirtatious stance dropping completely. “Yeah, yeah, I think you’re right.” She looked at Lindsay and then back at Michael. “So, I’m going to put the color in Lindsay’s hair, then shampoo and condition you and give you the cut, style you some, then we can wash out Lindsay’s color. Sound good?”

Michael managed to actually verbally reply with a simple, “Yes.” But, hey, it was a start.

As Angela started mixing the dye and Lindsay got herself situated in the chair, Gob turned to Michael. “Okay, number one tip when it comes to talking to girls?” Michael nodded, ready to learn. “You get them talking about themselves first. And you listen. Or at least pretend you’re listening.”

After yet another nod, Michael asked, “And this works on all girls?”

“Oh, yeah. I mean, especially a girl like Sally; you know she would love to talk about herself,” Gob said with an eye roll. “So…ask Ange something.”

Michael turned to Angela, who had her back to him as she continued getting the dye ready. “So, Angela…” Michael started. She made a noise to indicate she was listening. “…How are you doing today?”

Gob groaned. “You have to ask her something specific , Michael,” he said.

“Hey, it’s a good start,” Angela said, looking over her shoulder to give Michael a slight smile. “But, yeah, Gob’s right; you need to be specific, especially if you’re flirting.”

Michael looked to be at a loss. Gob sighed and leaned in to whisper, “Ask her how she learned so much about hair.”

“H-how did you learn so much about hair?” Michael asked.

Angela gave him an approving smile before going back to work. “Well, one of my aunts back in New York works at a hair salon, and when I was younger, Tony and I would hang out there a lot after school. I started to experiment on him, and while my ma was a little pissed, my aunt started to teach me actual techniques so I wouldn’t completely ruin his hair.” She laughed a little and, as she started to clip up pieces of Lindsay’s hair, she told Michael, “So, you shouldn’t worry; nothing I could do to you would be half as bad as the cuts I gave him when I was ten.”

Michael managed to laugh a little at that, and he actually didn’t sound insane for once. Gob gave Michael an encouraging look, trying to get him to ask another question. After a few seconds, Michael asked, “You guys didn’t hang out at the bakery growing up?”

“Not as much,” Angela said with a shrug. “Normally just on weekends and stuff, since it wasn’t as popular as it is here, and since our aunt’s place was closer to our school, it made sense for use to hang out there after school, since we were the only ones who went to the school at the time. And we used to live in an apartment above the bakery, so it was really, really crowded. It was better for all of us if at least Tony and I could be out of the house to help make it less crowded.” A dark look suddenly crossed her face, even as she kept on putting up pieces of Lindsay’s hair, and she said, “It was really good for Daniel to have space back then, seeing as our parents were scared to give him any.”

While Lindsay and Michael both sported confused looks, Gob winced. Daniel was pretty big into weightlifting and exercise, so no one questioned why he wore wristbands basically every day, but Gob had learned long ago that they also conveniently covered some scars from when things got really bad for him in high school. They were pretty awful scars, too, long and deep in a way that couldn’t be excused by a cat scratch or anything. While Tony had told him some of the details, the scars combined with Tony asking if Daniel had taken his medication whenever he got particularly prickly or moody would’ve made it pretty easy to put two and two together.

Huh. That was probably part of why Daniel was still living with his family. That made sense.

When Gob saw Michael looking ready to ask a question about that, Gob shook his head at him. Michael nodded in response and cleared his throat. “Did you ever work at the salon?”

“Yeah, the summer before we moved here,” Angela said, smiling a little again. “It was so much fun. You learn all the hot gossip when you work at a salon. And while I mainly swept up hair and sometimes shampoo and condition guests, my aunt and cousin let me cut their hair. I loved it. And that’s how I learned how to bleach my own hair—safely, at least, unlike half the girls at my school.”

Michael looked at Gob, apparently out of questions. Gob told him, “Now you just have a conversation like a human being.” When Michael looked a bit panicked at the thought, Gob sighed. “Right. Robot. I forgot.” He shook his head and, as Michael started to protest that he wasn’t a robot, Gob said, “Say something that relates to what she said. Something relatable to you, ‘cause talking about yourself now would be good.”

After some thought, Michael finally said, “It sounds like more fun than working the banana stand. Not that that’s saying much.”

Forgetting that he was supposed to be teaching Michael how to talk to girls, Gob gave him a look. “Wait, what? I thought you loved the job.”

Michael gave his brother a look like he was crazy. “No! Standing all day in long sleeves on hot days with no air conditioning? Serving all those rude tourists and locals? Dealing with all the high hippies who come by and try to steal bananas? What would be fun about any of that?”

“But, don’t you get all the free bananas you want?”

“Dad says I can have, like, one a day, and he always checks the register and inventory to make sure it was only one,” Michael said.

Gob frowned. “But I don’t pay for them.”

Looking a bit awkward, Michael said, “I normally give you my free one.” At Gob’s confused look, Michael said, “I don’t even like bananas that much. And I’ve always been more into candy beans than chocolate, so…” Michael shrugged as he trailed off.

“That’s so sweet of you, Michael,” Angela said. The two brothers looked back over at her. She had moved on to actually dying Lindsay’s hair at that point, using foils to help separate the sections. “Giving your brother your free food? Very sweet. And super cute.”

Gob didn’t know whether Michael was blushing over Angela giving him attention or over being caught being nice to his brother.

Somehow, Michael made it through the hair washing process without completely losing it, though his shoulders had remained tense the whole time he had his head in the sink in the bathroom. Once he was back in the chair in the main area, Angela explained, “I’m gonna keep it long on the top and a bit shorter on the sides. That way you can fluff it up a bit and I think that will really complement your face shape. Sound good?”

At first, Michael nodded, but Gob told him, “Mikey, you have to practice speaking, remember?”

Michael nodded again, but then said, “Y-yeah. Sounds good.”

“Good,” Angela said cheerily. “Plus, that look is all the rage now. It’ll make you look very hip.”

“That’s…good.”

As Angela started cutting Michael’s hair, she definitely felt at ease enough to run her fingers through his hair, telling him how it was nice and thick in a way that made Michael blush. Whether she was purposefully talking in innuendo or not, Gob honestly couldn’t tell, but it was probably good for Michael to have to sit through that sort of stuff. You know, for the purpose of getting him used to the idea of flirting with someone.

After a little while, Angela was too focused on actually cutting his hair, bringing sections in between her fingers to make sure it was even, for her to be too flirty. Gob nudged Michael and gave him a look. “Come on; try talking again.”

“…Have you thought about doing this professionally?” Michael asked. “You seem really good at it.”

Gob nodded with a smile. “Nice one; complimenting is the next step.” After a second he added, “And you are really good, Angie.”

“Thank you,” she said politely. “And, yeah, actually, I have. I wanted to go straight to beauty school, but my parents insisted I go to college for at least a year.” She rolled her eyes. “If I wanted to help take over the bakery one day, they totally wouldn’t care if I did anything more than a few business classes at the community college like Chiara did, but since I want to work with hair, they’ve got to make sure I ‘get an education’ and make sure I ‘really want it’.”

“Would they really pass the business on to you, though?” Gob asked. “It normally goes to the oldest.” Michael and Gob exchanged a brief look at each other before Gob crossed his arms and looked away. They had both known since they were kids that Gob was never going to take over at the Bluth Company. And, yeah, he really didn’t want the responsibility of running it and he knew that, but he just wanted to be asked .

“I think their dream would be for a few of us to keep running it together, maybe set up a few different shops, and make it a family business to pass down to all of our kids,” Angela said as her eyes remained focused on Michael’s hair. “But, yeah, it’s going to Chiara, anyways. Maybe Daniel, too—he does make the best bread out of all of us.”

“Tony makes the best cookies, though,” Gob said automatically. Everyone in the family, at least of the oldest kids, had some specialty that they somehow seemed to make better than everyone else.

Angela nodded in agreement. “I’m gonna miss them next year,” she sighed. “You better enjoy them as much as you can when you’re up in New York.”

“New York?" Michael asked. "I thought you didn't want to go there."

Gob shrugged. "I changed my mind. I'm going to apply to Juilliard and some other places out there with him."

Michael turned his head to continued the conversation, but Angela forced it back to facing in front of him. "You can discuss that later; I don't want to mess up your hair."

Lindsay and Gob both managed to find places to sit as Angela kept working on Michael’s hair. Gob had said he was going to let Michael have free reign of his conversation as practice, but Michael was pretty sure he was just tired of standing next to him. Regardless, Michael managed to make some light, if a bit forced, conversation while Angela kept cutting his hair. He was visibly relieved when she pulled out the hair dryer, since he knew he wouldn’t have to try to talk to her with how loud the hair dryer was. She was focused on her work with his hair, doing a last few snips once it was dry and actually spraying his hair a little, though not using nearly as much as he knew Lindsay always used.

Finally, with a proud smile, Angela grabbed a hand mirror and handed it to Michael, taking a step behind him to watch his reaction in the mirror. Gob and Lindsay stood up as well and stepped in closer to get a good look.

“Woah,” Michael said, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

“Yeah,” Gob agreed, raising his eyebrows. It was insane how much a haircut actually made his little brother look like, well, not so much like a little brother anymore. He looked older, but in a good way. Like an actual teenager, not a little kid in old people’s clothing.

“You have seriously great hair, Michael; I’m so glad you let me actually do something with it,” Angela said, lightly pulling at it. “And this cut has, like, minimum styling required. I’d prefer if you used a hair dryer to help style it, but your hair’s pretty thick, so if you just use some mousse and hairspray, it’ll probably hold pretty well if you let it air-dry.”

Michael, who was never one to really care much about looks past straightening his ties when he was forced into suits, was still looking in the mirror. He even ran his hand through his hair, and smiled at himself. Gob could tell that he was totally feeling more confident already, just like he had hoped when he planned this part.

“Angie, you did great ,” Gob said, Michael quickly agreeing.

Lindsay nodded, the foils in her hair scraping lightly with the motion. “It’s a total improvement. You did amazing.”

Angela smirked. “I did, didn’t I?” She pinched Michael’s cheek and said, “It helps when the subject is already pretty cute.”

Apparently, the cut really had given Michael some confidence, since instead of blushing bright red and freezing, he laughed a little. It was very nervous and awkward and he definitely went a little pink, but it was definitely an improvement. “Thanks,” he managed to mumble.

Of course, when Angela leaned in and lightly blew some pieces of hair off of his shoulder, Michael’s eyes widened as he seemed to be battling between looking away and looking at the cleavage Angela was showing off in the mirror's reflection.

“ Ange ,” Gob sighed.

“Hey, I thought you wanted to make sure he could handle this sort of thing!”

“Can you imagine Sally showing off like that?” Gob asked.

“It’s not like she’s got anything like that to show off,” Lindsay commented.

Gob laughed. “Good point.” He shook his head and sighed, “You know, Eve is pretty stacked, and Tony still wasn’t interested. I don’t get his deal.”

Angela raised her eyebrows. “Eve? Like, Eve Holt? Little Miss Catholic Cheerleader?”

“Yeah. I did so much research to find him the perfect girl, and he didn’t even give her a second look! Just went straight for Stickwell,” Gob said, obviously happy to have a chance to rant about that yet again. “They would’ve been a perfect match, too.” He crossed his arms and shook his head.

Looking at him curiously, Angela asked, “And what makes her a perfect match for him? Like, who do you see him with?”

“Well, someone who’s not meant to be with Michael, obviously,” Gob said. That was obviously why he was upset by all of it. Obviously.

“Of course,” Angela said, nodding. “What else?”

Gob thought about it. “Like, I said, someone good at something all artsy. You know, like theater, like she is, or photography or writing, like he is.”

“Or music?” Angela suggested.

He snorted. “I mean, if they’re still cool . I mean, I’m in class with all these orchestra dorks in music theory. They’re totally not cool.”

“Can you really call them dorks when you’re the one getting the highest grade in the class?” Lindsay asked.

“Who told you that?” Gob asked, not noticing Michael’s surprised look.

“I heard you talk about it with mom and Miss Griffin,” Lindsay said with a shrug and a smirk. “I think that’s really cool, even if it makes you a huge dork. It’s like you and Michael have more in common than you think.”

Gob rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, whatever. But yeah, I guess if one of the music kids was actually cool, they could work for Tony. Or someone from the magic club would work, too, as long as they're one of the cooler ones.”

“But  no one’s cool in magic club.”

“Shut up, Lindsay; I’m in it.”

“Exactly,” she said with a laugh. Gob crossed his arms, basically pouting. “But, come on, I want to hear more about this supposed perfect match for Tony, too.” Angela shot her a look Gob didn’t notice, one with a raised, questioning eyebrow. Lindsay gave her a small nod in response.

Again, Gob thought on it. “Well…it should be someone who can deal with a crazy family. Like, Sally’s an only child . That’s just weird . She can’t relate to him on the whole siblings thing. And it should be someone who can blend in with your whole family. Like, befriend you guys and stuff. Right, Angie?”

Angela gave Gob a weird smile (she'd been giving him so many of those lately) and nodded. “I think that’s a good qualifier. I mean, I don’t let just anyone call me ‘Angie’. I think only you and Tony can get away with that one.”

“Exactly. And then, you know, all the usual stuff. Someone who likes the same sort of stuff as him. Not just magic, but, like, David Bowie and Queen. Someone who’ll watch The Magic Show with him even though it’s corny and kinda dumb. Someone who likes getting high and just hanging out with him. Someone who doesn’t need to go to a pumpkin patch all day to be entertained.” He rolled his eyes at that idea yet again. Seriously, a pumpkin patch ? “But, you know, they’d still go with him if he wanted to.”

Before he could list any other ideas, the timer for Lindsay’s dye went off. Angela opened one of the foils and nodded. “Yep, we’re ready to wash this out.” She looked at the boys and said, “Don’t mind us if we take some time; we have to get our gossiping in, after all.” The two shared one of those weird grins again before walking over to the restroom together. Michael and Gob could hear them giggling as they closed the door.

Gob raised his eyebrows. “What was that about?”

Michael shrugged. “Beats me.”

Gob shrugged it off as well. People had been acting so weird lately. Between Tony dating fucking Sally Sitwell to Michael acting weird around that Tracey girl, the giggling of his sister and his best friend’s sister barely registered on Gob’s radar.

“So, I was thinking at the mall, once we get you in some new clothes, we could practice on some girls in the food court,” Gob said. “And I definitely think you need to practice on some girls at school before you talk too much to Sally. It’ll help you not be so tongue-tied.”

Of course, Michael looked absolutely terrified at the idea, and Gob sighed.

“I really don’t get why you get so nervous about this,” Gob told Michael honestly. “I mean…come on. Any girl would be lucky to date you.”

Michael looked at Gob curiously. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Gob said simply. “You’ve got a lot going for you. You’re rich, for one, which is the best trait. You’re gonna run the company some day, too.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “I don’t think most girls our age find that impressive. And it’s not like we’re the only rich family here.” After a moment, he also added, “Besides, it’s not like those are really about me . That’s all just…just stuff about dad . I’m not rich; dad is.”

Gob looked over at his brother for a long moment. “Michael…there’s more than that,” he said slowly. “You’re a nice guy, at least when you want to be. And you’re smart, which girls actually do like. And, hey, you’re a Bluth, so along with the money, you’ve got some good looks going for you, and the haircut is helping you, too.” Gob shrugged a little. “You’ve got a lot working for you, you know. Like, yeah, maybe dad’s the one with the money and you’re gonna have that job because he’s our dad, but…but he’s putting you in charge because you’re gonna be good at it. You know, it should go to me, because I’m the oldest, but…but you’re the one who could actually run it. And you’re gonna do that one day. And…and I’m kinda jealous of that.”

“You’re…you’re jealous? Of me ?” Michael asked quietly, still not sure he had even heard his brother right.

“…I guess. A little, yeah.”

They were both silent for a while. It was all a weird, strange territory. Being honest and open and actually talking about these things instead of letting it all sit inside until it boiled over in some Boyfights moment.

“You know…there’s a lot I’m jealous of when it comes to you, too,” Michael said.

Gob raised his eyebrows at him. “Really?”

Michael nodded mutely. His silence made Gob think he was just lying or something, but, after a few long moments, he cleared his throat. “I mean, you can actually talk to girls.”

“You can, too. And I’m teaching you how, anyways,” Gob said, brushing it off.

“Gob, no matter what you teach me, I’m not going to be as good as you,” Michael said. “You can do it naturally. I have to think about what to say, but you can just… charm them.”

Well, okay, that was true. Gob was having trouble even telling Michael what to say because he just innately knew how to flirt. Sometimes he found himself flirting without even meaning to.

“…And, I don’t know, sometimes knowing that I’m supposed to take over the company one day and that people expect all of this from me…it’s not always fun,” Michael continued softly. “I kind of like some of the stuff it involves, like the business things. But sometimes…” Michael shrugged a shoulder. “Sometimes I want to, you know, try other things. Branch out. But I can’t; not really. Or at least without pissing off dad. And mom, for that matter.”

Gob couldn’t help but laugh dryly. “We all piss off mom. You’ll never piss her off as much as I do, though.”

“Yeah…” Michael sighed a little. “She always likes when you play piano, though. If you did that more instead of hiding in your room to practice, maybe she’d like you more.”

“And then I’d piss off dad,” Gob pointed out.

They both remained silent for a while as they heard the sound of the sink running in the bathroom and a few more giggles.

“I’m sorry, though,” Gob said suddenly. “That you, like, have to do that stuff.”

“Thanks. I mean, it’s fine since I don’t hate it, but thanks.” Michael shifted a bit awkwardly before saying, “Congrats on the A.” Gob laughed quietly and Michael said, “Seriously. I’ve heard some of those people talk about it and music theory's not easy stuff.”

Gob looked over his brother for a while, but he found no hint of irony or sarcasm or mocking or anything to what he said. He was actually genuinely congratulating him.

“Thanks,” Gob said softly.

Before the two of them could say anything else, the door to the bathroom suddenly opened and Lindsay and Angela came back in. Michael and Gob moved to the opposite sides of the room and avoided looking at each other as Angela started to blow-dry Lindsay’s hair.

In movies, shopping montages were fun and colorful and shortened into a minute or two, all with fun music playing in the background. Normally something like “Material Girl” or something, which, of course, would be very fitting for the Bluth family in general.

However, the shopping process in real life involved a lot of sitting and waiting as Michael tried things on and Lindsay had to reassure him that she knew what she was doing and, while the mall played music, not all of it was as fitting as something like “Material Girl”.

“Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” was kinda close, though.

Thankfully, after a few outfits, Michael stopped being as resistant. He still didn’t look entirely comfortable with some of the outfits Lindsay chose, but he did seem to realize he looked better.

“Do I really need to wear all this denim, though?” Michael asked at one point. It was a lot of denim, to be fair, with both jeans and a jean jacket on his frame.

“Yes,” Lindsay said bluntly.

“Yeah, and you’ve got to pop your collar,” Gob told him. “That really sells it.”

“I hate things touching my neck,” Michael muttered, jerking away without thought when Lindsay accidentally touched his neck in the process of popping his collar.

“What, have you never had a girl kiss your neck?” Gob asked with a laugh. He had to believe Michael had at least done that .

But as a blush spread over his cheeks, Gob realized he really hadn’t experienced that.

“Oh my god,” Gob said, sitting up a bit taller in his seat. “ Please tell me you’ve at least made out with a girl.”

“I have !” Michael said indignantly.

“If you haven’t, you have to be honest with me, Michael; I need to know what I’m working with here,” Gob said seriously.

“I have ,” Michael insisted.

“Okay, okay,” Gob said nodding. “Good. We aren’t working with nothing .”

After checking out the outfit from multiple angles, Lindsay nodded in approval. “Okay, now let’s test what you’ve learned,” she said. “I want you to pick out something to wear from the racks. You’re smart; I’m sure you remembered everything I’ve said, right?” Michael rolled his eyes but nodded. “Okay, go on your way.” She lightly pushed him in the direction of the men’s section before moving to sit down next to Gob in one of the other chairs.

“I just needed a chance to sit, honestly,” Lindsay said, making Gob laugh a little.

“Yeah, standing’s for suckers,” Gob said.

“Like Michael,” Lindsay agreed. They both laughed at that.

They both fell silent, though it wasn’t an uncomfortable one, as they waited for Michael to come back. After a little while, Lindsay started humming to herself. Gob didn’t think any of it at first until he recognized the tune.

“‘Material Girl’ should totally be playing right now, right? I was just thinking that!” Gob said excitedly.

“Totally!” Lindsay said, just as excited as her brother. “Like, that’s what would be playing in the movie version, right?”

“Definitely!”

Lindsay went back to humming as she looked over to where Michael had gone, trying to check that he was following her advice. She frowned when she couldn’t find him. “God, I hope he actually learns something today,” she murmured to herself.

“I’m sure he did. You’re a good teacher.”

Lindsay looked at her older brother and smiled, a little surprised. “Really?” Gob nodded and she smiled wider. “Thank you.” She settled back in her chair and said, “You know, you’re a good teacher, too. I think he’s gonna do a lot better now that you’ve helped him.”

“Really?” Lindsay nodded and Gob found himself smiling like she had. “Thanks.”

Again, they fell silent for a moment. But then, suddenly, Lindsay said, “You know, I know that you’re doing this to break-up Sally and Tony, so maybe calling it ‘nice’ isn’t appropriate, but, I don’t know, I think it’s cool of you to help Michael with this stuff." She looked down at her lap and quietly admitted, "I mean, it’ll be nice to still have an actually cool brother around next year once you leave.”

“But will Michael ever be as cool as me?” Gob asked with a smirk.

Lindsay laughed. “Well, he won’t headbang to ‘The Final Countdown’ while driving to school, so I’m gonna say no, he won't be as cool as you." Gob smiled proudly until she continued, "He’ll be cooler than you.” Gob rolled his eyes at her teasing, much to her amusement.

“Yeah, yeah,” he sighed. He shook his head after a moment and said, “I know this whole thing isn’t nice in theory, but, like I've said, they don’t belong together. So, really , I’m doing them both a favor. Especially Tony.”

Yet again, Lindsay had that odd look on her face, but Gob didn’t notice. “Yeah. Definitely,” she agreed quietly. “…I’m sorry Sally’s been keeping him so busy.”

Gob froze for a moment, almost wanting to deny that he was hurt by how little he had been seeing his best friend, at least in comparison to how much they usually saw each other. But he thought against it and just sighed and nodded his head in acknowledgment. “I still can’t believe he’s bailing on our Halloween costume tradition,” Gob said. “And for such a lame movie reference, too.”

“I thought you loved The Breakfast Club .”

“Not as much as I love Bowie and Freddie.”

“Well, yeah, but I don’t think you love anything more than Freddie Mercury.”

“…True.”

Suddenly Michael came back and asked, “Do you wanna see my outfit before I put it on?”

“Nah, go ahead and surprise me,” Lindsay said. Michael went back to his dressing room and Lindsay leaned forward a bit.

Still fixated on the earlier conversation, Gob sighed again. “I don’t think people are gonna get it when I’m walking around with no Bowie or anyone else.”

“Well, you’re wearing a mustache, right? That’s going to make it pretty obvious, I think.”

“Like, yeah, the ‘stache will help, but it’s not as much fun to be alone on that one.”

Lindsay looked at him thoughtfully, but, soon enough, Michael was coming out of the dressing room and she had another job at hand. But, honestly, he chose a pretty nice, if simple, outfit. Both Lindsay and Gob went over to look it over and nodded at each other.

Gob raised his eyebrows. "I think he's got it."

"I think he's got it!" Lindsay agreed.

Michael snorted and said, "The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain."

"By George he's got it!" Lindsay and Gob declared together. All three of them burst into laughter over that old movie musical their mom had made them watch so many times. 

"Wow. We really did pull a My Fair Lady on him, didn't we?" Gob asked Lindsay, throwing an arm around one of her shoulders as he looked at their brother proudly.

Lindsay smiled. "Audrey would be so proud."

Of course, the first people to see Michael’s new wardrobe combined with his hair were their parents. While neither of them made any specific comments about the combined look, Gob noticed his dad’s eyebrows raise a little at dinner on Sunday and his mom actually said his hair looked nice.

On Monday, Michael nervously (but excitedly) put on one of his new sweaters and jeans and, with Lindsay’s help, managed to style his hair how Angela had showed him. By the time he made it downstairs, he looked like a whole different person. He was even holding himself differently, full of a lot more confidence than Gob normally saw come from him.

Once they reached the Wunderlich’s house to grab some food and pick up Tony, the real reactions started to come in.

“Woah,” Giulia said. “Is that really little Michael Bluth?” she asked.

“Yeah. Lindsay and Angela did a good job, huh?” Gob said. Michael looked a little uncomfortable at all the attention, but he was still smiling at it.

Giulia raised her eyebrows. “Angela?”

“Yeah, she cut his hair for him,” Gob said with a nod over at her.

Angela herself came over as well, inspecting her handiwork up close. “And you did a great job styling it today,” she said, carefully pushing back a flyaway.

Despite how close Angela was standing, Michael managed to stand up straight, but not so straight that his shoulders were tense or anything. “Thanks,” Michael said. “Lindsay helped a little. I’m not so good at the, uh, brush and blow-dryer thing yet.”

Giulia smiled and said, “It’s hard, but you’ll get there some day.” She turned to Angela and said, “You really did a good job, Angela.” She gave her a thoughtful look before turning to go back to the kitchen counter, leaving Angela smiling proudly.

“And you did a great job, Lindsay,” Angela said, giving Michael a full look-over. She whispered, “Are you sure you really want to be with Sally? Maybe I should’ve given you more of a chance.” She was definitely pulling out one of the flirtiest faces Gob had seen from her (which was saying something) and she ran a hand over Michael’s shoulder. Gob and Lindsay both laughed, since it was clear she was just trying to get a reaction from him.

“Oh, I…” Michael cleared his throat and laughed awkwardly. “I mean, maybe if it doesn’t work out with her?”

Angela’s face turned to one of slight surprise and amusement. “Wow. You really are handling this all better.” Angela turned to Gob. “Good job with him…though we all know you’re the Bluth I’ve wanted all along,” she teased, giving him a wink before going back to sit at the kitchen table.

It was definitely amusing to see the other reactions. Both Daniels looked impressed, Chiara complimented his haircut, the twins kept asking him about his clothes, and Lizzie, who normally could talk a mile a minute, was suddenly silent when Michael sat down next to her. She almost looked like Michael usually did around Angela. Gob wasn’t sure Michael noticed, though.

When Tony finally made his way downstairs—he was never as late as he was the first day, but he definitely had been the last one to get in the kitchen most days—and saw Michael, his eyes widened. “Woah. Lookin’ good, Michael,” he said simply.

“Isn’t he?” Angela said, tilting her head slightly with a smile. “You know, you can really see more of a family resemblance between him and Gob now, don’t you think? They're both very handsome.” Tony rolled his eyes at his sister, but Gob and Michael were too busy looking at each other with shrugs to notice.

Yet again, Gob met up with Lindsay and Michael in the sophomore locker bay. While Michael was still being his usual self and actually caring about what books he pulled out and everything, Gob definitely noticed him noticing some of the looks he got, and he could see the smallest smiles and smirks on his face as some girls actually did double takes.

"When's your next class with Sally?" Lindsay asked Michael.

"Next period," Michael replied. "Sophomore chemistry." 

"Do you sit near her?" Gob asked. Michael shook his head. "Hmm…maybe that's for the best. You should practice talking to other girls some more." After a moment, he snapped his fingers, "Isn't that girl you ran into in your class? Casey?"

"Tracey. But, yeah, she is," Michael said, shifting a little awkwardly. "We're actually lab partners, since she needed one and we switched around a little—"

"Perfect," Gob said. "You managed to talk to her—well, sorta. I'm sure you can handle that now. If you give this Stacie girl—"

"Tracey—"

"—All of your attention, Sally will totally get jealous."

Lindsay nodded. "Sally gets jealous very easily. I mean, we all know she wishes she got the co-captain spot over me," she said with a proud smirk. It was one of few things she could really hold over Sally's head in terms of accomplishments.

"Exactly," Gob agreed. "She'll go ballistic."

Michael frowned. "But wasn't me not showing her attention before why she went with Tony?"

"Yeah, but you're hotter now," Gob said. 

"Yeah, she'll actually notice you," Lindsay said. "God, it's like you've never seen a movie."

"I know, right?" Gob said. Once again, the warning bell went off and Lindsay ran off to gym and the two brothers walked off to their classes together.

Michael looked thoughtful when he asked, “Do you think other girls will notice, too?”

“Your makeover? And the fact you can actually talk now? Probably,” Gob said, “But just ignore them. Keep your eyes on the prize.” Michael opened his mouth to say something, but Gob continued, "That other girl will definitely be a good place to start, though, since she's not nearly as intimidating as Sally. Blondes can be a lot to handle.”

"I guess," Michael said. He asked, "What kind of stuff do I say to her? I know she's from Arizona, should I start with that? The whole asking questions things?"

“Yeah, that's a good start. And definitely compliment her; girls love that as much as they love you listening to them. Tell her you love her hair color; redheads love that shit—once you tell her that, she’ll probably want to prove to you that she’s a natural one,” Gob joked, nudging his brother even as Michael made a disgusted face.

“You’re gross !”

“Come on, redheads deserve love, too, no matter what color their carpet is,” Gob said, not getting the reason why Michael found him gross. “But don’t worry, we’ll have you seeing if Sally’s a natural blonde soon enough.” Michael rolled his eyes at his brother, but didn't get a chance to say anything else before said supposedly natural blonde walked by.

"Hey Gob," she said brightly. She seemed ready to walk right by, but then she did a double-take. "Michael?"

Gob smirked at her reaction as Michael gave her a normal greeting back. "Wow. I barely recognized you; you're looking good." Sally laughed a little, "I mean, really good. Not that you looked bad before or anything. Just…wow. You look nice."

"Thanks," Michael said.

Just then, a bit of red hair bounced by, and Michael excused himself before calling out, "Tracey!" She stopped in her tracks as Michael walked over to her, not looking nearly as surprised at his new look as everyone else had, though she did compliment his haircut. Soon the two of them soon walking off to class together. Gob watched as Sally's eyes followed the two of them curiously.

Man, this was going better than he ever could've expected.

The rest of the week leading up to the Halloween party went by similarly. Lizzie continued to fall silent whenever Michael showed up at breakfast (much to Gob and Tony's amusement), Michael spent time talking to Tracey, and Sally seemed to be looking over at Michael more and more. So, by the time Friday rolled around, Gob was ready for his Halloween party and feeling confident that the Sally and Tony break-up was just around the corner. Hell, he was sure Tony would need his best friend to comfort him after that night, since surely whatever costume Lindsay had planned for Michael would get him even more attention. She hadn't told him what they had been planning, but he trusted her.

But things started to take a turn when they got to the Wunderlich household that morning. Tony was waiting outside with some baked goods in hand. Angela was there as well and talking to him. Or, well, arguing with him. Gob couldn't tell what they were saying, but Tony looked pissed. Like, really pissed. As soon as he saw Gob pull up, he walked over to the car and stopped talking to her, but she wasn't done with the conversation and she followed him over.

"Tony! Come on, you're being ridiculous! You know I didn't mean for that to happen!" Angela said as Tony opened the door.

Tony turned back to her. "You knew how important it was for me! And now you fucked it all up!"

"Hey, it's not like you're innocent in this, either!" 

"Just go to fucking Naples, Ange!"

Angela gasped loudly as Tony got in the car and the Bluths exchanged confused looks. Angela sounded genuinely offended. "How about you go there, Antonio Francesco Wunderlich! We all know you'd like that so much—"

Tony slammed the door in Angela's face and told Gob, "Just drive. Please."

Gob didn't need to be told twice. He pulled the car out of park and, after one last look at Angela's face in confusion, he drove off.

After a few moments, Tony handed some of the baked goods back to Lindsay and Michael and gave Gob one of his favorites at a stoplight. "I tried to grab what you guys liked. I just had to get out of there," Tony mumbled crossing his arms.

"Is everything okay?" Gob asked.

"No. It's not," Tony said. Gob started to ask what happened, but Tony cut him off, "I don't want to talk about it."

They spent most of the drive in relative silence, only the sounds of the radio accompanying them. Gob was honestly at a loss. While Angela and Tony had fought before, because that's what siblings did, he never saw them like that. He was pretty sure he never saw Tony that angry in his life. And even though he had calmed down a little during the car ride, he still looked broodier than Gob had ever seen him—and that was saying something. 

Lindsay and Michael bolted from the car as soon as Gob had parked, but Gob put his hand on Tony's shoulder when Tony tried to do the same. "Hey, man. Come on; you can tell me what's going on. Or at least tell me why you want Angela to go to Florida." At Tony's questioning look, Gob said, "You know, Naples? We drove through there once when our parents took us to Siesta Key."

Tony slowly smiled and shook his head. "We meant Naples, Italy, not Florida." He laughed quietly and explained, "The Italian term for 'go to Naples' is basically slang for 'get fucked in the ass'. Ma doesn't like us knowing that she swears when she speaks Italian, so we just started saying it in English." 

"Oh," Gob said, laughing a little. "Nice burn."

"Yeah…" Tony sighed. "I really, really don't want to talk about it. It's just…I may end up being late to your party tonight, okay? I have to go straight home to deal with…this." He shook his head. "I'll tell Sally to meet me there, I guess. I don't know how long this will take."

Gob was concerned, but he nodded. "Okay. But I'll see you in full Bowie for a show, right?"

Tony nodded. "Of course. It's gonna be awesome." He sighed quietly, though, and said, "As long as I'm still alive after this." Gob frowned, but, as usual, he shrugged it off as he got out of the car. Tony had a tendency to be dramatic, after all.

“Soooo, what do you think?”

Gob turned to his twin siblings and raised his eyebrows. They had just finished the final decorations for the Halloween party and they had both come back downstairs in their supposed costumes. Michael was wearing, well, what looked like pretty much his regular clothes—or at least what had become his regular clothes over the past week—with jeans and a bright blue shirt, but his hair was messier and even fluffier than the styling he’d been doing before. Lindsay was in a plaid mini-skirt, white knee socks, a white button-up, black tights, a yellow tie, and had her hair in pig tails.

“A sexy school girl and…Michael?”

Lindsay frowned and turned to Michael. “I told you that you should carry around the prop!”

“I will when the party starts,” Michael grumbled.

“Good. Sally will like it—as long as you don’t try to say you know how to play it or anything,” Lindsay said.

“What are you two talking about?” Gob asked.

She looked back at Gob. “Oh, right.” She shook her head, the black ribbons in her hair bouncing a bit. “I was thinking about how Tony had bailed on your costume. So, to save you from being a solo Freddie…” She gestured to herself and Michael and smiled proudly. “Meet your bassist and your drummer.”

Once she said that, the costume inspirations clicked in Gob’s head. “Deacy at Rock Montreal,” Gob said as he looked at Michael. He looked back at Lindsay, “And Roger in ‘I Want to Break Free’.”

“Yes! Exactly what I was going for,” Lindsay said brightly. “I mean, if any guy just wants to think I’m a sexy school girl, that’s okay, but I also have drum sticks I can carry if need be. And Michael has a fake bass guitar.” She clapped her hands together and asked, “What do you think?”

Gob looked them over, silent for quite some time. Just like Tony had said, they actually really did want to spend time with him? Support him? Be there when he needed them?

Did his siblings actually look up to him and like him, just like Tony had said?

Finally, Gob smiled and pulled them both into a tight hug. “I love it. I…thanks, guys,” he said. He finally pulled back and tried to calm himself down. It was dumb how emotional he felt over that and he knew it, but he really hadn't expected them to do that for him.

“It was really hard to get this one right, because they banned the video here and everything you know,” Lindsay said, trying to help cover up her brother’s emotional outburst. “But I think I nailed it. I think I may even look hotter than Roger does in the video.” Michael gave her a strange look and she said, “What? He looks hot as a girl. It’s kind of confusing.”

Gob nodded in agreement. “Really confusing,” he muttered to himself, not even aware he had said that out loud. Lindsay held back a laugh while Michael looked confused, but Gob pressed on. "So, Tony said he's gonna be a little late, so he told Sally to meet him here. While it sucks he's gonna miss out on some of the party, at least that means we have time to have you talk to her alone, Michael."

Michael hesitated. "…I don't know. Do you really think I'm ready?"

"Dude, you've been flirting with that girl all week, Lacey or whatever—"

"Tracey."

"Yeah, like I said," Gob said dismissively. "You're definitely ready for Sally now. And she's totally been watching you all week, so now's your chance."

At first, Gob had a raucous good time at the party. He was taking some shots to cheers in the crowd, he flirted with a few girls, and he danced to some of his favorite songs, including a suddenly mandatory listen of "I Want to Break Free" with Lindsay. Gob and Lindsay even dragging Michael to join them in "Material Girl", because it was totally his makeover song.

But as Michael Jackson sang that it was close to midnight, Gob found himself checking his watch for what had to be the millionth time that night, Gob frowned. It was indeed close to midnight which was when the magic act was supposed to be, and Tony still hadn't shown up. It was getting too late to call to see where he was, too, since Gob knew for a fact that Tony's parents would be in bed; the only time they ever seemed particularly annoyed with him was when he called that late on the nights he couldn't sleep. Hey, it wasn't like he meant to wake them up, it was just that Tony had this way of helping him relax and possibly fall asleep for whatever reason.

But that wasn't the point. The point was that Gob couldn't do the act on his own, and Tony still wasn't there.

When it got to fifteen minutes until midnight, Gob started to really panic. He found Michael, who was off talking to that redheaded girl (Katie?), and asked if he had seen Tony. He hadn't. Gob found various members of the magic club to see if they had seen him, but they hadn't, either. Finally, he found Lindsay and, after pulling her away from some older guy she was flirting with and giving that guy a glare because come on that was his sister you fucking asshole, Gob asked her if she had seen him.

"No," she said, her eyes a little wide. "He still hasn't shown up? That's so weird." She looked around the crowd and frowned. "Sally's not here, either; I was going to send Michael to her, but I haven't seen her at all."

Gob's eyes widened as well. "Sally hasn't shown up? But Tony said she was going to meet him here…"

Suddenly, Gob felt sick to his stomach. "Did Tony bail on me again to hang out with her?"

Lindsay looked confused. "What? No! He seemed like he was having some family drama, I'm sure that's it."

"It's the Wunderlichs! They don't have drama—not enough to keep him away He wouldn't still be dealing with them!" Gob shook his head, his hands tensing up. He couldn't believe his best friend would ditch him and their shared act just to, what, finally fuck Sally Sitwell? Her?!

"Wait, is that him?" Lindsay said, pointing to someone in the crowd. Gob instantly perked up and, upon seeing some spiky, dark hair, all but ran through the party guests to find him.

"Tony! There you are, I've been—" Gob stopped suddenly mid-sentence when the person turned around and was not Tony. "Eve," he said, "Have you seen Tony?"

Eve Holt frowned at him. "No, I haven't. You aren't trying to set us up again, are you? He's off with Sally now, anyways, right?"

Gob sighed. "Yeah. And I'm guessing that's where he is now." He looked down at his feet before walking off, feeling more dejected than ever.

Gob waited by the magic show set-up for half an hour before finally accepting for real that Tony wasn't going to show up. Getting a little over-heated, he threw off his leather jacket and started to chug back more drinks to deal with his rejection. 

How could Tony just abandon him like that? No phone call, no warning, nothing? And he was the one who loved Halloween the most! What was he even doing? First he wasn't even planning on being his Bowie for the whole night, then he wasn't going to help with the set-up, then he just didn't fucking show? And Sally wasn't there like Tony said she would. That meant they had to be together, right? 

As Gob had more and more alcohol, he came to that as the only logical conclusion.

Everything started to blur together as he kept drinking. Gob wasn't someone who got drunk easily, but he could actually feel some of the effects of the alcohol. He couldn't remember how, but somehow he found himself back on the dance floor again, a red solo cup in one hand, and soon he smelt something vaguely familiar and he blinked sluggishly as the nice-smelling figure pressed up against him.

"Are you feeling okay?" The figure, a girl he realized, asked in concern.

Gob nodded as he put a hand on the girl—Eve, he realized. She was dressed as an angel, though her skirt was dangerously short for one. "Yeah. 'M fine." She didn't look convinced, but Gob didn't notice. He still couldn't believe Tony had just left him like that. To be with some fucking girl. Especially when he should've been with this fucking girl. Didn't Tony realize that? Eve was so much better than Sally. She kinda looked like him and she was the perfect height for him, since she was, like, right around Tony's—how could Tony turn her down? 

"Wanna dance?" Gob asked.

"Sure," she said. Gob chugged down the rest of his drink and then threw the cup off to the side. Whatever, he had maids coming in a couple days to clean up after him, anyways. Just like he always did. Just like his parents always did before they left for "business" trips on good party weekends.

God, even his parents had supported him more than Tony had for this party. His siblings had shown up for him, too, realizing that being members of Queen was cooler than anything else they could be without him. How could Tony be less supportive than Gob's fucking family?

"I love Freddie Mercury," Eve told Gob.

"Me, too."

"'Under Pressure' is one of my favorite songs. My church friends don't like him or Bowie, but I love them."

"Same," Gob replied. God, Eve and Tony had so much in common, yet Tony had really chosen Sally Sitwell? Really? "'Cept not the church friends thing. I don't go to church."

"That's fine," Eve said. "I know it's not for everyone."

"Yeah. Don't you have church tomorrow?" Eve looked confused and Gob clarified, "Last party you left early. 'Cause church."

"Oh," she said. She shook her head. "No, that was a lie. I was just…I needed to leave." She stopped moving with Gob, but it took Gob a second to stop dancing. His head was spinning as he tried to follow what Eve was saying while Michael Jackson was playing in the background.

Do a dance on the floor in the round, baby...

“You know, when you invited me to that party, I thought you were inviting me to, like, be with you. Not Tony,” Eve said. "I was hurt that you were pushing me on him."

Hurt. Gob knew that. Gob knew that pain. He felt hurt. He felt hurt right then and there, too.

A-people always told me, "Be careful of what you do, and don't go around breaking young girls' hearts."

"'M sorry," Gob mumbled.

"It's okay," Eve said. "You were trying to be a good friend to Tony."

Gob nodded. He was. He was being a good friend. All of this was him being a good friend.

A-but she came and stood right by me, and just the smell of sweet perfume...

Eve wrapped her arms around his neck. "I think that's really sweet of you," she said, something from her hair wafting under Gob's nose. It was nice.

"You smell nice," Gob told her.

"Thanks," she said, pressing in closer to him. Gob moved his hips with hers, vaguely feeling like it was Dirty Dancing or something. He loved that movie. He loved a lot of movies, though. And he knew what he'd do if this was a movie.

And this happened much too soon, and she called me to her room...

Gob moved a hand to tilt her head up and pressed his lips to hers. She responded in kind, soon letting his tongue press into her mouth as they stopped dancing.

If Tony could let a girl come between them, why couldn't he? And if his own (fake) facial hair tickled her like Tony's tickled Sally, well, that was all the better.

Chapter Text

You Can’t Start a Fire Without a Spark

Gob Bluth did not get hungover. He really didn’t; he was too young and too much a product of two alcoholics to get a hangover. But the day after his Halloween party, he woke up feeling a little bit gross. He had a dry mouth, the slightest pain in his head, and a slightly nauseous feeling in his stomach.

Of course, part of the nausea could’ve been because he made a move on the girl he had planned on getting Tony with. Okay, more than a move seeing as, while Gob couldn’t remember all the details, he could remember getting her to his room and getting his shirt off and unhooking her bra before she said she had to go home to make curfew.

Part of that feeling in his stomach could’ve been because of why he had hooked up with Eve, though. Eve had been there when Tony hadn’t been—Tony wasn’t there and he was lonely and depressed and Eve was there and she smelled nice and had on a hot outfit and was flirting with him and they were getting all Dirty Dancing—but, no, okay, that wasn’t the point. The point was, Tony had left him alone and he needed some comfort.

Gob managed to pull himself out of bed after a few moments and went to the bathroom. His fake mustache was a little crooked, and he ripped it off with a slight wince before guzzling some water and getting in the shower. The hot spray felt great on his skin and already made him feel better. And once he got in a robe and forced some coffee someone (probably Michael) had made and got some food in his system, he felt completely cured.

See? Gob Bluth didn’t get hangovers.

Gob sat down at the kitchen table as he had another bowl of cereal. He stared at the Cap’n Crunch box, not really focusing on it. Normally after a party like that, he and Tony would be eating that cereal together and laughing about everyone’s drunken antics. They’d talk about how great their magic act went and then, at Tony’s insistence, they’d also think of things they could improve. Then they’d watch some dumb TV show or put in a movie and just talk and hang out all day.

But Tony had left him. Tony hadn’t even shown up. How could he?

Gob vaguely acknowledged Lindsay and Michael when they ended up joining him. They were already getting ready for lunch while Gob was, of course, still on breakfast.

“How’re you feeling?” Lindsay asked sympathetically.

“Fine,” Gob said too quickly to be true. “Just fine. I got to make out with a hot girl last night and I had a great costume and I had a great time.” He forcefully plunged his spoon into his cereal and had a bite. “Not my fault that Tony didn’t even show up. Or Sally. They were probably too busy fucking each other or something.” Gob dropped his spoon in his cereal and watched some milk splash out with grim satisfaction.

Lindsay and Michael exchanged a look before looking back at their brother. “I just hope he’s okay,” Michael said. When Gob looked at him, he said, “Doesn’t he, like, normally ride his bike or walk over here when you don’t drive him? I hope he didn’t get injured in the dark or something.”

Gob hadn’t thought about that. He looked over at Lindsay, who suddenly looked a little worried, too. He turned back to Michael and asked, “But then where would Sally be?”

“I don’t know,” Michael said with a shrug.

“Do you think his parents told her before they told me?” Gob asked, suddenly panicked. Was Tony in the hospital with Sally at his side instead of him?

“What?” Michael asked, his face screwed up in confusion. “No! I—do they even know her?”

“Look, I’m sure he’s fine,” Lindsay said. “Like I told you last night, there was obviously some family drama going on yesterday. I’m sure that’s what held him up.”

Gob nodded. He had never seen either Angela or Tony that upset. But what kind of family drama could’ve held him up?

“Holy shit—you don’t think that Daniel—” He cut himself off once he remembered, of course, they didn’t know Daniel had been suicidal in the past. That didn’t feel like something he should tell them. “…Never mind.”

“Whatever it is, sitting here and trying to come up with theories isn’t going to help,” Michael said. “You’re just going to work yourself up for no reason. Why don’t you just go over there and see what happened?”

“He has a point,” Lindsay said.

Stupid, logical Michael.

“Yeah…yeah. I’ll do that,” Gob agreed, getting up and grabbing his keys off the table by the garage door. He was halfway out the door before he turned around and walked past his siblings again.

“I should put on clothes first.”

Once he was dressed, Gob made the drive over to Tony’s house. His mind kept shooting through a million different scenarios as he did so, his emotions cycling through anger, disappointment, depression, and fear with each different story he concocted in his head. When he finally reached the Wunderlich’s door and knocked, he was afraid of what would be behind it.

Thankfully, Giulia answered. Not so thankfully, she looked tired, like she had been up most of the night. Also not so thankfully, Gob realized she was home on a Saturday. She normally worked at the bakery on Saturdays and her husband worked there on Sundays

“Hi, Giulia,” he greeted, trying to sound calm despite feeling more and more nervous.

“Hi, Gob,” she said. While she smiled, it didn’t seem nearly as bright as usual.

“…Is Tony there?” Gob asked.

“Oh, yes, of course,” she said. She let Gob in and called up, “Antonio!” They both waited in silence before she called out for him again. When he still didn’t come down, she sighed. “He’s probably listening to music. Or just purposefully ignoring me.” She crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. “You can go on up.”

Gob nodded and started up the stairs, but she stopped him after a moment. “Would you please remind him to keep the door open?”

He raised his eyebrows. That had never been a requirement before. “Um, sure,” Gob said.

Once he reached, the Wunderlich boys’ room, he knocked on the door before entering. Tony was there alone and laying on his bed, indeed blasting music on his headphones so loudly that Gob could hear the beat and some vague melody from a few feet away. He debated on how to get his attention for a brief moment before going over and tearing off his headphones.

“Hey!” Tony yelled sharply before he realized who did it. “Gob?” He looked confused. “Ma let you up here?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t she?” Gob asked. “I mean, she said to remind you to keep the door open? Don’t know what that’s about, but…” Gob shrugged while Tony rolled his eyes.

“God,” he groaned, sitting up so Gob could sit on his bed with him.

“So…” Gob started calmly. Tony looked at him and Gob, still calmly, asked, “What the fuck happened last night?”

Tony groaned loudly again, putting his head in his hands. “My parents ruined my life. That’s what happened.” Gob crossed his arms and waited for his friend to give him a better explanation. “I can’t believe I had to miss your Halloween party so we could have some dumb, stupid, fucking family meeting. They know how much Halloween means to me—they know how much I love it and how excited I was for our show! And they couldn’t wait to have the meeting for just one single fucking day so I could go. And they couldn’t just drop it so I could at least show up later, noooo, we had to talk for hours until it was too late.”

“Why didn’t you call me?! I felt like an idiot. I kept waiting for you and looking for you and you never made it.”

“I did call,” Tony said. “They let me do that at least. I called Sally to make sure she knew I wasn’t going and I called you, but you didn’t pick up, since you probably couldn’t hear it. I left a message.”

“Oh.” Gob hadn’t thought about checking their answering machine. “I thought maybe…maybe you were…ditching me, you know. To…hang out with Sally or something.”

Tony gave Gob a confused but sympathetic look. “What? Gob, I’d never skip a Halloween party or a magic show,” he said. Gob looked down at his lap with a small shrug and, after a moment of hesitation, Tony put a hand on Gob’s knee. Gob automatically looked up as if Tony had shocked him—like an electric shock, not a surprise, since it genuinely did feel like Tony had shocked him—and Tony said, “I’m sorry I haven’t been spending as much time with you lately. I’ve just gotten kinda into having a girlfriend.” Gob kept his head up but looked off to the side as his jaw tense. “You know you’re still my best friend, right?”

Slowly, Gob looked back at Tony. “…You mean it?”

“Of course.”

After a moment, Gob smiled slightly and nodded back. “Okay.”

Tony moved his hand off of Gob’s knee and asked, “Did you have fun without me? Tell me you did so I can live vicariously through you.”

Gob thought back on it. “I had some fun, yeah. I mean, I would’ve had more fun if we could do the show. Or if I had my David Bowie.” He laughed softly and said, “But Lindsay and Michael actually surprised me by dressing up as members of Queen. It was weirdly nice of them."

"See? I told you they liked you," Tony said with a smile. "Who was who?"

"Michael was John Deacon, obviously.”

“Oh, that’s perfect. Which era?”

“Specifically Rock Montreal.”

“Oh, nice.”

“Right? And Lindsay was Roger Taylor from the video for ‘I Want to Break Free’.”

Tony laughed. “Oh, god, that’s amazing. I hope you got some pictures.”

“Maybe? I don’t remember if anyone took any,” Gob said. “There were a lot of other fun costumes there, though.”

“Yeah? What else?”

“There was a Marty McFly, a Baby and Johnny from Dirty Dancing, a lot of Madonnas, a lot of generic costumes…” Gob swallowed and said, “Uh, Eve Holt was an angel. In a very short dress.”

“Oh? Cool,” Tony said.

“Yeah…” Gob rubbed the back of his neck and looked away from Tony. “I, uh…we may have…danced on the floor in the round, you know?”

Gob braved a look back at his best friend, and Tony raised his eyebrows. “She had sex with you already?”

“No! God, no. We just made out a little. I mean, I got her bra off, because obviously I did—”

“Gob, the door’s open!” Tony warned him. “Be quiet.”

“Oh, right, sorry,” Gob said.

Tony got up and moved it a bit so it was almost closed, but still technically open. He turned back to Gob and said, “Okay, continue.”

“I mean, that was it,” Gob said as Tony moved to sit back down next to him. “We were dancing and then she was saying she had wanted to get with me at that first party and then she was so close and I was a little drunk and I kissed her and it was nice and we went to my bedroom and, like, right when I unhooked her bra she said she had to go for her curfew and, yeah, that was it.” Gob had said all of that in one breath, so he took a deep breath before asking, “Do you hate me?”

Tony yet again looked confused. “Why would I hate you?” He laughed a little and said, “I told you she wasn’t into me. It was pretty clear she only had eyes for you when you tried to set us up. And, besides, I’m with Sally now. And it’s good you’re back to your usual self; you haven’t had any hook-ups lately, which is so not like you.”

“I’ve been busy,” Gob mumbled.

“With what?”

Gob froze for a moment. “…College applications and stuff. Audition materials.”

“Oh. Yeah, I totally get that. Half of the time when I’m with Sally I’m just working on that while she studies for the SAT,” Tony said.

“Really?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah. Kinda lame, I know, but it’s kinda nice to not do that stuff alone, at least. I wanna get my apps in ASAP, so that means a lot of editing of my essay and stuff.”

“Right…” Gob started to realize he really did need to start working on that stuff, especially the audition things. Maybe he needed a small break from The Plan™ (he decided it was worth the trademark) to focus on that. All of his application materials were due on the first of December.

“Well, Eve’s definitely not just a hook-up sorta girl, so get ready for her to seek you out on Monday,” Tony said. “But, hey, if you start dating her, we can always do double dates. Then we could at least all hang out together, right?”

That honestly sounded like the most painful thing he had ever heard, but he knew better than to say that. “Maybe, yeah,” Gob said. Suddenly, Gob asked, “…So, have you and Sally still not…?”

Tony rolled his eyes. “No. We haven’t.”

“Okay. I just wanted to check because I kinda thought when both of you didn’t show up, maybe you were…I don’t know. Hooking up somewhere. So, I wanted to make sure you hadn’t forgotten to tell me or something.”

Tony sighed before quietly admitting, “Honestly, I think if it was gonna happen any time soon, it would’ve been last night, because that would be a way for us to at least not be near any of our families and would probably give us, weirdly, the most amount of privacy we can get.”

So, Tony wanted privacy for that? Maybe the double dating wasn’t such an awful idea…

“But after last night, I don’t know. My parents just…I’m definitely not getting any more privacy from them,” Tony said bitterly. “They kinda put me off on ever wanting to have sex again anyways.”

“What?” Gob asked. “Why?”

Tony leaned back against the wall against his bed with a loud, dramatic sigh. “…They found out about Sammy and flipped the fuck out.”

Gob was very confused. “They weren’t congratulating you on that? I don’t think my dad’s ever been prouder of me than when I got laid for the first time.”

“Gob…I’ve told you many, many times that your family is weird. This is one of the many, many ways in which they are weird,” Tony said slowly. “Most families don’t congratulate you on losing your virginity.”

“Oh. Well, still, that’s why you were in trouble? For sleeping with some girl?” Gob asked. “How did they even find out?”

Again, Tony reminded Gob to lower his voice before he started whispering his story. “So, yesterday morning, I got up early and was ready to get going. You know, Halloween always excites me, so I was ready to go out and get to school and then your party. And when Angela came by, I mentioned the party and…” Tony looked hesitant before he shook his head. “I have no idea how we got on this subject, not really. Anyways, Angela brought up Sammy related things. And Sally related things,” he said. “And she said something particularly loud right as my mom came by. And my mom flipped out and started asking all these questions, but you were coming by and I had school, so she said we were going to have a ‘family meeting’ after the bakery closed and we had dinner.

“So, she made me come back home right after school and stay here and then I had to tell my dad about Sammy,” Tony said, looking particularly pained at that as he ran a hand over his face. “God, I never wanted to do that. Ever. And they wanted to include Chiara and Daniel and fucking Angela in the discussion since they’re ‘young’ and can ‘understand’ better than them. And Sammy led to discussions about Sally and dating and being responsible and they want me to get tested and they even talked about you—”

“Me? What do I have to do with this?” Gob asked. Tony froze as if he didn’t mean to say that. “…Do they think I'm, like, a bad influence to have around?”

“…Yes. That’s it,” Tony said slowly. He nodded. “I think that’s why.”

“But…but I didn’t even meet this Sammy girl! What did I…?” Gob felt his heart sink. The Wunderlichs had always made him feel like family, and now they hated him for something he didn’t even have a part in? “Do they not want me here anymore? Do they hate me?”

“No, no, Gob they don’t hate you!” Tony insisted. “They just…fuck…” Tony looked like he was thinking really hard as he sat silently for a moment. Finally, he said, “They barely brought you up. Really, you were barely mentioned, I promise! Trust me, if anything, they would’ve preferred if you were involved with this whole…thing.”

“Then why do they want you to keep the door open when I’m here?”

“…Well, they still don’t want me to have sex, do they?” Tony said. "I think they're worried you'll give me advice or something."

Gob was so confused. “Don’t they know Ange has it? And Daniel? And Chiara—well, I don’t know about Chiara.”

Tony snorted. “I’m sure KiKi has done it at least a couple of times,” he said. Gob even had to laugh at that a little; he knew how much Chiara hated that nickname.

“So, why is it a big deal that you had it?”

Tony was obviously thinking hard again. “I don’t know…I think because…they don’t know Sammy,” he said. He nodded again. “Yeah, that’s why. And since it was kinda more of a hook-up than anything else, they didn’t want me to make a habit of, like, just sleeping with some random person, you know.”

Oh. Gob figured that made sense. “Well…are you grounded or something?”

“No,” Tony said. “I don’t think so. They’re just gonna be extra weird for a while at least and watch me like a hawk. So, yeah, I don’t think Sally and I will do it for a long time now.”

Gob somehow managed not to smile at that. Good. It would be harder to break them up once she got all clingy after sex. Girls tended to do that. Except this Sammy chick, apparently.

“I don’t know if they’ll let me stay over at your place for a bit, though,” Tony said with a small sigh.

“What? Do they think you’re gonna go after Lindsay or something?” Gob asked with a laugh.

“Probably,” Tony said, forcing out a laugh himself. After a short, silent moment, Tony said, “I’m sorry I left you hanging last night. I really didn’t mean to.”

“I know. Sorry you got stuck here having safe sex lectures.” Tony groaned and Gob laughed.

The door to his room opened suddenly and Angela came in. “I thought I heard you, Gob,” Angela said. She turned to her brother and said, “And I thought ma told you to keep the door open when you have guests in your room.”

“It was open, Angela,” Tony said tightly.

“Yeah, by, like, a centimeter,” Angela said. Tony rolled his eyes.

Angela crossed her arms and sighed. “Gob?” Gob looked over at her and she continued, “Can you tell Tony here to stop being so pissy with me because it’s not like I did this on purpose?”

“Gob, can you tell Angela she shouldn’t have said anything so specific when our mom was in the house?” Tony shot back.

“Gob, can you tell your little buddy to stop being a brat when nothing bad happened just because we had to have some safe-sex lecture?”

“Gob, can you tell that bleached-out bitch that it fucked up my favorite holiday of the year?”

“Gob, can—”

“Guys, stop! You’re making my head hurt!” He rubbed over his forehead a few times and looked at Tony. “Ange obviously didn’t mean anything by it. And, yeah, it sucks that your parents freaked out about you sleeping with some random girl, but I doubt she wanted to be dragged into that.”

Angela smirked at her little brother, but then Gob said, “But you should’ve been more careful about saying that stuff if you thought your parents would freak out. Their reaction seems extreme, but…I don’t know. I guess your parents do get freaky protective sometimes.” Tony smirked at her in victory.

“No offense, but you both kinda sound like my family right now, which is weird. Bluths are supposed to fight, not Wunderlichs!”

They both looked guilty. After a moment, Tony muttered, “Well, your family should be able to get along, too.” But he still looked over at his sister and said, “Sorry for calling you a bleached-out bitch. And for saying you should go to Naples.”

“Thank you,” Angela nodded. “…Sorry for talking about Sammy without thinking about my volume. And for also saying you should go to Naples. And for saying you’d like it there.”

“Thank you,” Tony said back, also nodding. “Because I told you specifically that I didn’t like that.” Angela nodded and while Gob had no idea what he meant by that, but he figured he just meant he didn’t like his sister saying he’d like to get fucked in the ass. He figured that would weird him out, too.

So, part of The Plan™ had to go on pause for a bit. Mostly because Gob knew he had to start focusing more on his applications and stuff. What was the point of doing all of this if he wasn't able to even make it to New York afterwards. He told Lindsay to keep her ears open for any new dirt (and she happily agreed to do so) and he told Michael to keep flirting with that redhead to make Sally jealous (he also happily agreed to do so, apparently very excited to keep practicing on her). It was nice knowing his siblings had his back.

But the newest step of The Plan™ was all him. He had an important job to do, and that was to get on those double dates.

On Monday morning, Gob slid his way over to Eve’s locker. “Hey,” he said smoothly.

“Hi,” she said, looking a bit weary.

“So…I had fun on Saturday,” Gob said.

“…I did, too,” she admitted.

“I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do that again at some point? Maybe get some dinner beforehand? Or do some studying or something?”

Eve raised her eyebrows. “I…I didn’t think you were into the whole dating scene.”

“Hey, I’ve had girlfriends,” Gob said possibly a bit too defensively. Eve frowned at him and Gob slipped back into flirting mode. “I just thought it’d be nice to get to know you. You know, maybe I thought you’d be perfect for Tony because I got my wires crossed or something.” He gently moved his hand to push back some hair behind her ear, her eyes following that movement before going back to his.

“…And this isn’t just you trying to have sex with me?”

“I promise,” Gob said. “Sex is the furthest thing from my mind right now.”

Slowly, Eve started to smile. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Gob grinned. “You doing anything Wednesday after your cheerleading practice?”

“It’s a date.” Eve closed her locker and, while Gob leaned in for a kiss, she stepped back and said, “Save it for Wednesday.” She smirked slightly at him and gave him a look up and down before leaving, not even checking to make sure Gob was watching her walk away.

Gob raised an eyebrow and chuckled to himself. No girl had ever pulled something like that on him. He couldn’t deny that he was impressed—and maybe even a little intrigued.

Tony walked over to the Bluth house for his first time back since his parents had freaked out about Sammy. After Michael let him in, Tony made the familiar trip up the stairs to the room at the end of the hall. He knocked, but got no answer, which actually made him smile. He knew exactly what was happening.

Tony quietly and carefully opened the door and stepped in before closing it behind him. Of course, it didn’t matter if he was quiet or not, and he knew that; Gob had his headphones on as he sat at his keyboard, his back turned to Tony. Despite there being no sheet music on the stand, Tony could tell it was something classical. He could tell from how Gob held himself and how his body moved; he always looked different when he was playing something classical than when he played rock and pop stuff by ear. It was like he sat up straighter, prouder, all of his years of lessons and technique clicking into place.

Tony couldn’t count the amount of times he had walked in on a similar scene. Everything about it was familiar to him, even if it was a new piece he had never seen Gob play.

And, yeah, it was always him seeing Gob play, never hearing him play. Well, not play for real. Tony had heard him playing “Bohemian Rhapsody” and “Don’t Stop Me Now” more times than he could count; he got to witness the weirdest sight of his life when he was invited to the Bluth Family Christmas sing-along the previous year, wherein Gob accompanied his family’s (mostly his mother’s) voices on Christmas standards he played by ear; and he’d never forget the morning Gob woke him up by playing “Cold As Ice”—loudly. But whenever Tony asked about going to a piano recital, Gob would shake his head and tell Tony they were boring and that he shouldn’t bother no matter what Tony said. Gob would talk about any piece he had at length if given the chance, but he was weirdly shy about actually showing off his abilities. The only reason he even knew Gob was Juilliard-level good was because he had come over after Gob’s piano lessons a few times and heard his teacher brag about him. Not to mention the awards Gob had from various contests around his room, large certificates partly hidden among posters for various movies and musicians. He was also pretty sure that, except for Michael and Lindsay, he was the only person at school that even know Gob could play anything beyond the likes of “Don’t Stop Believin’”.

When Gob finally lifted his fingers off the keys, Tony clapped. Gob heard it despite his headphones and he looked over his shoulder. “Oh, Tony! Hey.”

“Hey,” Tony said. “It looked like that went well.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gob said, taking off his headphones and turning off his keyboard. “Yeah, just finished running my Chopin étude. Need to get it Juilliard ready and everything.”

“Yep.” Tony suggested, “If you ever want to run your pieces in front of an audience—”

“It’s cool,” Gob said dismissively. Tony rolled his eyes but didn’t bother arguing. Hopefully he’d at least get to hear him once they got to New York.

Changing the subject, Tony asked, “So, ready for the double date?”

Fighting back a sigh, Gob said, “I am if you are.”

Over the last few weeks, Gob and Eve had gone on several dates and very recently became “official” or whatever. He hadn’t expected it to happen so fast, even if it was part of The Plan™. And he definitely didn’t expect to actually enjoy hanging out with her so much, but it seemed like, as drunk as he was at the Halloween party, he was right in assuming she was a lot like Tony. Yeah, part of it was look-wise, since she did have the dark hair and eyes; they had similar complexions; and, of course, they were around the same height.

But it wasn’t just a looks thing. She was actually kinda funny—maybe not as funny as Tony, but she genuinely made Gob laugh a few times. She was easily entertained by magic illusions, much more than any other girl Gob had dated. She loved listening to Queen and he didn’t even mind when she sang along, because she had a pretty nice voice. She was also pretty content with just chilling or working on her own college applications alongside Gob, and even though Michael and Mr. Hoffman had done the bulk of the editing of his essays and stuff, Eve had provided some nice tips along the way. They often just ended up chilling together.

Well, until it was time to make-out, of course. And they did that a lot and pretty much everywhere. There was a time under the bleachers after a football game, a time in her room when her mom and sisters weren’t there, a few times at the movies, and a lot of times in the back of Gob’s car.

But making out was really about all the two of them did on the physical front. Sometimes Gob would get her bra off and a few times she actually let him take off her shirt as well, but that was as far as they had gotten. She would always stop whenever Gob tried to go farther and she'd normally go home after they stopped.

And something about that was weirdly…nice? Refreshing? Gob didn’t know how to explain it. Part of him was frustrated because he never had been denied so much, but a large part of him was… entertained ? He was definitely surprised that she could keep turning him down because, come on, he was Gob Bluth; he was sure there were even guys out there who would want a turn with him—not that he wanted that, obviously, it was just a figure of speech.

Anyways, Gob always did like the hunt. And, okay, maybe it was nice not to have sex every single time, because some girls would just be so freaking demanding and a lot of times it just left him feeling bored or worse and he tended to lose interest in girls as soon as they fucked, so maybe Eve was onto something with constantly denying him.

Whatever the case, they had lasted a couple weeks already and were all “official”. And, just as Tony had suggested, they were finally going to go on a double date.

Gob slipped on a light jacket—hey, they lived in a desert that could get really fucking cold at night—and headed downstairs with Tony. When they got to the living room, where the rest of the family was, Tony, as he had been trained by his parents, politely greeted Gob’s. “Hello Mr. Bluth. Mrs. Bluth,” he said with a slight nod of his head. Despite having known them for years, they had never said he should call them by their first names and he was pretty sure he was never going to.

Lucille gave him a slight nod of her head, but George merely gave him a withering glance from over the edge of his newspaper. Tony barely managed to stop himself from glaring at the older man as he went back to reading. God, he hated Gob’s dad, and he knew the feeling was pretty much mutual. Ever since Tony first showed up with his earrings and slight amount of eyeliner and chipped black nail polish on his fingers, George had always given him the worst looks.

“We’re heading out,” Gob said. Normally his parents didn’t really care if he said when he was leaving or not, but he always felt like he should at least say something.

“Where are you going?” Buster asked from where he sat next to his mom’s chair on the floor.

“Out,” Gob said.

“A movie and dinner,” Tony said, giving Gob a look that made him roll his eyes. Tony always said he should be nicer to his baby brother, but Gob liked to point out that Tony’s youngest siblings were a lot different from his. "With our girlfriends," he added as an after thought.

“You have a girlfriend?” George asked Tony, an eyebrow raised as he lowered his newspaper to his lap.

Lindsay piped up, “Tony’s been dating Sally Sitwell since, like, September.” Michael aggressively avoided eye contact with his father as he worked on some homework. “And Gob’s been dating Eve since Halloween,” she said simply. She was always the best at updating anyone on people’s relationship status.

George hummed slightly in thought before looking at Gob, who was checking out his reflection in a mirror on the wall. “What’s this Eve like?”

“She’s a cheerleader. Really hot.” He knew that’s what his dad wanted to hear about more than anything else regarding any girlfriends. Gob was about to leave it there, but, for whatever reason, he ended up adding, “She’s actually going into music education, so she’s helped me with some of my college apps. She’s pretty cool.”

As he brought his paper back up, George muttered, “I’m glad you found someone interested in those delicate fingers.” Gob’s father was quiet enough that if Tony hadn’t seen the downcast look flash in Gob’s eyes, he would’ve been sure his best friend hadn’t even heard it.

Gob turned away from the mirror and told Tony, “Let’s get going.”

Once they were in Gob’s car, Tony shook his head and said, “Your dad’s a dick.”

“What? No. He’s just… honest,” Gob said as he pulled out of the driveway. He always denied his father’s less-than-stellar behavior and would defend him against Tony every time. It honestly made Tony feel so bad. The guy tried so hard to please his father and nothing could convince him that he just wasn’t a person worth trying to please. “And he’s just mad that I dropped out of the company’s softball game ‘cause my auditions and stuff—I don’t wanna risk getting injured, you know." 

“So? It’s just a dumb game. He can get over it."

Gob knew that logically, but he also knew it was one of the few times his dad actually valued him, so it would’ve been nice to actually be able to participate that year. His dad had been so much more “honest” recently, ever since his mom told him about applying to music schools. Gob wasn’t sure if it was him disapproving of having to pay for an education he hadn’t planned for or because Gob was doing music at all or what, but it definitely had made him grumpier more "honest" than usual.

But instead of saying that at the moment, Gob turned on the radio to change the subject. The two of them soon broke into grins as he tuned into a station playing one of their favorite songs. It was one of those songs they couldn't resist singing along to every time, even though it always went way too high for them to sing properly.

“Taaaaaake oooooon meeeee—take on me!” They sang along with the chorus, that part comfortably within their ranges. “Taaaaaake meeeee oooooon—take on me!” That part started to strain both of their limited vocal ranges. “Iiiiii’ll be gooooone in a day OR TWOOOOOOO!” They screeched, neither of them hitting the note at all. Both of them started laughing hard at their failed attempt at that high note. Sometimes when they sang along to that in the car, Gob would have to pull over from laughing so hard.

“You know, Sally’s part Norwegian,” Tony said once the instrumental break started.

Gob somehow managed not to roll his eyes. “So?”

“She was telling me about that song, since they’re Norwegian,” Tony explained. “Apparently, the Norwegian words for ‘take on me’ mean ‘touch me’.”

“Huh,” Gob said. He had kind of just assumed it was nonsense words or something, seeing as he didn’t think the song made much sense anyways.

“Kinda cool, huh?”

“I guess.” Honestly, he probably would’ve thought it was cooler if fucking Sally Sitwell wasn’t the one who said it. Suddenly, Gob wasn't quite as excited to sing at the next chorus as he had been before.

When they got to the movie theater, they had trouble choosing what movie to see. There weren't that many great ones out at the moment, at least not good ones for a date. There really just wasn't anything sexy out. Finally, after a bit of debate, they settled in to watch Oliver and Company.

Definitely not the typical movie for a double date, but maybe it was better that way. Gob did not want to see Tony and Sally start to make out at any point. Already walking in on them making out the first time was enough for him. And while Gob hadn't been too enthused to see it at first despite loving cats as an animal, as soon as that cool dog started speaking, he sat up in his seat a little. Could that be—no. No freaking way. But as soon as he started singing, Gob excitedly hit Tony's arm next to him.

"Fucking Billy Joel, man!" Gob said, probably a bit too loud for the middle of a children's movie. "Billy Joel!!" Gob wanted to be a magician of course, but as a cool pianist, Gob definitely looked up to the guy.

Of course, Tony, a Jewish kid from New York, also looked up to the man as much as Gob did. He was excitedly hitting him back, but he managed to keep his voice more contained, "I know! I know!" 

Gob had trouble following the rest of the film, but he did enjoy whenever the Billy Joel dog did most anything, because, again, Billy Joel. But, really, first realizing it was Billy Joel was the high point of the film.

And also, as it turned out, the high point of the night.

When Gob agreed to go on a double date, he thought he'd get to spend time talking to Tony. But apart from a brief discussion where they both agreed there should've been another Billy Joel solo—seriously, how could Disney only give him one?—Sally continued to take up his time. And seeing it happen right in front of him was even worse than just knowing they were hanging out without him. At least when he wasn't there, he didn't have to watch them share a milkshake.

Gross.

"This was fun," Sally said when Gob dropped her off at her house. "We should do this again sometime!"

"Totally," Gob agreed along with Eve and Tony. But as Gob waited impatiently for Tony to walk Sally to her door, he crossed his arms and sighed. He needed to really get a move on breaking them up.

"Okay, so, I have an idea," Gob told Lindsay in the sophomore locker bay. It seemed to be the safest place to meet to plan these things whenever they weren't at home.

"Yeah?" Lindsay said, nodding for him to go on.

"So, Michael is flirting with that Facie—"

"Tracey," Michael corrected.

"—girl to make Sally jealous. But you know what would make her even more jealous?" Gob asked.

"What?"

"If someone started flirting with Tony," Gob said, raising his eyebrows. "So, we just need someone to do that. Someone who Sally is already jealous of would be preferred, of course." He gave Lindsay a pointed look at that, and Lindsay's eyes slowly widened.

"Uh, no. No way."

"What? Come on!"

"I'm not flirting with Tony," Lindsay whispered, sounding totally scandalized. "That'd be like…like flirting with you or something! He's basically my brother at this point!"

"But you aren't related to him! It's okay to flirt with someone you're not related to!" Lindsay rolled her eyes and shook her head. Gob groaned. "His parents don't even want him spending the night because they think he'll try to sleep with you or something! Come on!"

"Gob, you already forbade me from dating him," Lindsay pointed out. "I will help you find someone else to flirt with him, but I am not doing the flirting."

Okay. Fine. Lindsay had a point. "I'll have to brainstorm other candidates," Gob said thoughtfully.

Michael hesitated. "Well, maybe you should just focus on mailing out your applications first," he said. "Once those are done, maybe then you can figure out the whole flirting thing. Just put the plan—"

"The Plan™," Gob corrected, his voice heavily implying a trademark.

"Right. Just put it on hold for now so you can focus on actually getting into school."

Okay. Fine. Michael also had a point. "I'm nearly done anyways, but…yeah. Okay. Once they're sent, I can get right back on track." Michael smiled in relief and Lindsay just rolled her eyes before heading off to class.

Both of those were just plain idiots.

“This is it. Are you ready?” Tony asked.

Gob nodded. “Ready. Are you ready?”

“Ready.” Tony raised an eyebrow. “On the count of three?”

“One.”

“Two”

“Three!” They cheered together before opening the post office’s mailbox and pushing their envelopes inside. They whooped and lifted their hands up in the air, giving each other high fives and truly just being ridiculous about it all.

“Finally!” Gob cheered, feeling himself relax in the first time in what seemed like months .

“I know!” Tony exclaimed.

“Excuse me, I need to use that,” a grumpy old woman said.

“Oh, sorry.”

“Sorry.”

The two of them hurried out of the way of the old woman and laughed as they made their way outside of the post office. “This means we have all of our college applications in and they will be postmarked with plenty of time,” Tony said.

“Yep. Mine will get there in time for all the December first cut-offs for the music schools.”

“Right. And mine will get there in time for early action/decision programs.”

“Exactly.” Gob said, stretching his arms up. “God, we can finally stop working on those. And start working on other things.”

"What other things?" Tony asked.

Gob froze for a split second. "I mean, I have audition requirements and stuff. Requirements that I didn't need to put on the prescreening tapes."

“Oh, yeah, right," Tony said with a nod. Gob smiled in relief and the two of them went back to walking. But then a thought made Tony stop in his tracks. “Oh, fuck. Now we have to wait .”

Gob shook his head. “Dude, you’re going to be fine,” he said. “They’re gonna love you and totally take you.”

“Shh, you’re jinxing it!” Tony said, looking around as if something was going to pop out and get him.

“Oh, come on, Tony,” Gob laughed. “Just enjoy the fact that at least you’re done with this. You don’t have to keep practicing a million songs.”

Tony sighed. “Okay, that’s true. But that also means you get a chance to impress them in person—and it means you get to actually go to New York to audition!”

“Only if they ask me to,” Gob pointed out. He still had to hope his recommendations and résumé and all of those app things helped him out. At least he got to show that he had A’s in his music classes and the conservatories didn’t require any standardized testing.

“Yeah, but once they hear your prescreening tapes, they’ll totally ask you to audition.”

Gob wanted to point out that it wasn’t like Tony had even heard him play, but then Tony would just point out how he could change that and it was just a subject Gob didn’t want to get into.

And, okay, yeah, maybe it was weird that his best friend still hadn’t heard him play anything classical. But after years of his dad making jabs about it, not to mention Michael—who, yeah, had stopped saying anything bad about it as of late, and was never as bad as their father, but still, it had hurt to hear him make fun of it—it wasn’t something he felt comfortable sharing with people. Well, people who knew him. People who came to the studio recitals didn’t count in that category. He didn’t think Tony would make fun of him or anything, but he had never thought Michael would, either, so he didn’t want to risk it.

“…Yeah, you’re probably right,” Gob said after a moment, grinning. Tony smiled back at him as they continued back the path to Tony’s place from the post office.

After a few moments of comfortable silence, Tony said, “I’m so jealous of you and Sally. You’re gonna be there auditioning soon and Sally’s going to visit her family there over winter break.”

“She’s not gonna be here during the holidays?” Gob asked, trying not to sound as excited as he was at the idea. Did that mean a full winter break he could spend with Tony? Tony and Christmas? That idea made him as excited as, well, Christmas.

“She’s just going for New Year’s,” Tony said. “And, yeah, New York City’s a tourist trap on New Year’s, but it’s still New York City.” He sighed heavily.

“Well, at least we get to do our illusions at my New Year’s Eve party, right?” Gob pointed out.

“Unless my parents make me have some dumb family meeting again,” Tony grumbled. Once he saw Gob’s face, he said, “They won’t. I was just complaining.”

Gob nodded. “And next year we'll be in New York, right? You'll probably be sick of it by then."

“I’d never get sick of New York,” Tony said with a shake of his head. “You’ll understand when you finally go for your auditions. It’s the city that never sleeps, so it’s literally perfect for you.”

Gob laughed at that. Yeah, yeah, his sleeping patterns were not the greatest, or maybe just outright nonexistent. Whatever.

After a few moments of silence, Tony said, “You know, since Sally has family there. Maybe she’ll end up visiting, maybe even go to college over there—she’d be great at Columbia.” Tony laughed. “I mean, I shouldn’t make plans for that far ahead, seeing as she’s two years younger than us after all. But…” Tony shrugged and continued down the sidewalk, but Gob had frozen in his spot.

Was that really a possibility? Sally and Tony not ending things when he graduated? Sally visiting them in New York? Sally living with them?

“Gob?” Tony looked back at his frozen friend with concern. “You okay?”

Gob shook himself out of it. “What? Me? Never better,” he said, putting on a convincing smile. He continued walking and Tony let the subject drop, but Gob kept thinking about it.

Okay, he needed to convince Lindsay and fast.

So, the idea was to make Sally jealous, right? That was why Lindsay was really the perfect candidate for the role. She had been pitted against Sally since birth, basically; whenever one of them won something, the other would win something else in response. Sally won a spot on student council, but Lindsay won the co-captain cheerleading spot. Lindsay was the sophomore representative at Homecoming that year, but Sally had been the freshman one the year before. They were constantly one-upping each other, so, truly, Lindsay would've been the perfect person to try to steal Tony.

But Lindsay wouldn't budge on the issue. And, after the fifth time Gob tried to change her mind, she said, "What makes you think Tony would even be tempted by me?" 

"…Is this some self conscious thing I need to talk you out of?" Gob asked. "Because you know you're not fat like mom says, right?"

Lindsay looked scarily similar to said mother as she pursed her lips and looked over Gob scathingly. "No, not like that," Lindsay said. "I mean that Tony knows that I'm off limits to him; I'm sure even if you hadn't made it clear that you don't like me dating anyone, he would know not to date his best friend's sister."

Okay, she had a point.

That meant Gob had to find someone else who would drive Sally crazy. Someone who she already hated. Someone who she thought had already gotten enough attention.

When such a person came to mind, Gob immediately headed to the sophomore locker bay during the next passing peirod.

Gob slid next to the locker of a certain familiar lady. It was more or less on the opposite end of where Lindsay and Michael’s lockers were, but he figured new kids just got stuck at the end. “Hey,” Gob said smoothly. Slyly. Charmingly.

“Hi,” she said.

“I'm Gob Bluth,” Gob provided.

“Right. Michael’s brother.”

Gob couldn’t help but raise his eyebrows. It was normally Michael who got reduced down to being his brother, not the other way around. But seeing as they hadn’t really, officially met, he let it slide.

“Right. And you’re…Macy?” 

“Tracey,” she corrected.

“Right, right,” Gob said, nodding his head a little. “So, you and Michael seem to be getting along well.”

She smiled shyly and nodded. “Yeah, I think so. He’s…he’s great.”

“Yeah, the best,” Gob agreed without much thought. “So, anyways, I thought you might wanna help him out a little with something.”

“Of course,” Tracey said, almost a little too excited.

“Cool. So, there’s this girl that he likes and I think you can help him with that.”

Tracey beamed so wide Gob was sure her face had to hurt. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. So, this girl—d’you know Sally Sitwell?” Tracey’s smile dropped and Gob said, “I know, right? Total bitch, right? But Michael’s been nuts about her for years. Anyways, I was thinking you could flirt with her boyfriend—you know Tony, right? He’s the best; you can flirt with him easily, he's so easy to talk to. That way she’ll get all jealous or whatever, and, let’s be honest, she’s been eying Michael lately and she was totally into him before she was dating Tony, Michael just never made a move so she assumed he wasn’t into her, but he’s gotten so much better at flirting and stuff, like I think he’s been trying with you, right? For practice and stuff? So, yeah, do you think you can do that? Help out your friend?”

For whatever reason, Tracey looked really upset. She said, “I don’t think me helping is a great idea.”

“Why? Do you need tips on flirting or something? I’m good at giving those, like look at Michael and how much he’s improved! And I bet Lindsay would help, too,” Gob said.

“I just…I’m going to pass,” she said, her voice getting a bit higher for some reason. "But, um, wish him good luck for me. On the whole Sally thing."

Before Gob could try to convince her, Michael came over and said, “Hey, Tracey. Ready for chemistry?”

Tracey closed her locker loudly and quickly walked away without a word.

“I...what?” Michael asked himself. “Tracey, wait up!” Michael called after her, soon chasing after her and leaving Gob behind.

Gob sighed to himself and started heading off to his own class. God, who else could fill in that spot?

Whenever Gob wasn't wracking his brain trying to think of another person who would flirt with Tony, no questions asked, he was practicing. So that was why, a couple days later, Michael stormed into Gob's room and found him sitting at his keyboard with his headphones in. Not caring that Gob was obviously mid-piece, Michael ripped off his headphones, the headphones tugging on Gob's ears painfully in the process.

“Ow!” Gob exclaimed, rubbing at his ears. “Michael, what the fuck?”

“What the fuck? To me? I’m the one who should be asking you that!” Michael exclaimed. "What the fuck, Gob?!"

“What are you talking about?” 

“You asked Tracey to flirt with Tony?”

“What? I mean, yeah, I did. So?” Gob was confused at why Michael looked so angry. Was he angry that he hadn’t found someone to flirt with Tony yet? “She said no, but I’m working on finding someone else, it’s no big deal. We’ll get someone; don’t worry. Or maybe you can convince Tracey to change her mind, since you know her better—”

“I don’t want anyone to flirt with him!” Michael said angrily. “I’m—I’m not interested in Sally anymore!”

Gob stared at Michael. “…What?”

“I’m not interested in Sally, I—”

“But you’ve been crazy about her for, like, your whole life.”

“Yeah, but that was until I met Tracey!” Michael said.

“What?”

“I…I like Tracey. Like, like-like,” Michael said. “She’s…she’s so smart and I’ve never met anyone sweeter in my life and her hair, when the sun hits it, it glows…” Michael had this weird look on his face, this dopey looking smile that Gob had never seen before. It almost looked unnatural on his brother, who always looked so serious and mature, even with his hipper haircut.

“What…but…” Gob shook his head. That didn’t make sense. Michael liked Sally . He always had. “You barely know her!”

Michael raised an eyebrow. “I know more about her than I do Sally at this point,” he said honestly. Then his eyes narrowed again and he said, “I had been working on finally asking her out, but then you almost ruined what we had going!”

“You were going to ask her out?!” Gob asked, standing up.

“Well, yeah. I mean, once she told me what happened and explained it was a misunderstanding, I did ask her—”

“What?!”

“What’s the big deal? You had been putting the plan—”

“The Plan™,” Gob corrected, his voice heavy with the gravitas The Plan™ deserved.

“You had it on hold, anyways!” Michael said.

“Yeah, but it was temporary and you knew that. You even suggested it!”

“Look, Gob, I…” Michael sighed. “I don’t get the big deal. You said you were doing this because of me, because Sally and I belonged together or whatever, but I’m telling you I’m over her. It’s fine.” Gob crossed his arms and Michael continued, “I’m not mad at Tony anymore. And he seems happy with Sally. I think you can officially call the whole thing off.”

Gob shook his head. “You don’t get it. It’s…it’s not just about you. He doesn’t belong with her.”

“Then who does he belong with?” Michael asked. “They seem to get along just fine and you’re dating the girl you said was his perfect match.”

“Yeah, but—but that was before I knew her that well. And they’re really similar, I mean, maybe they would’ve gotten along perfectly—I don’t know!” Gob said, his mind racing. “But he’s spending all of this time with Sally and he’s always so fucking busy and it doesn’t make any sense! They aren’t a good match! She couldn’t—could she do a magic show with him? Would Perfect Little Sitwell let herself sing along badly to the radio? Enjoy the utter chaos of his house? No! She’ll never understand him like he deserves and—god!”

Gob hit his pillow in frustration. Michael took a step back, watching his brother carefully. He truly didn’t get why he was losing his mind over this. He seemed to still be spending time with Tony; it wasn’t like they never saw each other. And Tony did seem happy with Sally, and, yeah, the pairing didn’t really make sense to Michael, either, at least not on paper, but he didn’t think it was that ill-matched. Besides, all those things Gob had listed seemed to only be things that he did with Tony—

Michael’s mouth opened a little as a wave of understanding ran through him. His face softened a little as everything snapped into place, everything connecting in a way that he had never realized. “Gob?” Michael started softly, carefully. “Gob, do you—”

“Fine, Michael, you’re out of The Plan™, okay?” Gob said, completely bulldozing over whatever Michael was going to say. “You and Lindsay both. I’ll just…I’ll come up with something else. I should’ve known not to trust you guys, anyways.”

Okay, that actually kinda hurt to hear. “Gob—”

“Get out of here,” Gob said firmly. “I need to get back to practicing.”

“But Gob—”

“Get out!” Gob yelled.

Michael opened his mouth to argue, but at seeing his brother’s face, he nodded. “Fine,” he said, slowly backing out of the room. As Gob put his headphones back on and angrily started to play something, Michael gave him one last look.

How had he never realized it before?

At the sound of a knock on her door, Lindsay called out from her bed, “Yes?”

Michael came in moments later, closing the door behind him. He still felt—and looked—totally shell-shocked by the conversation he had with Gob. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Lindsay said back. She gave him a curious look and asked, “Something wrong?”

“I…I just told Gob that I asked out Tracey.”

“You finally asked her out? Congrats."

"Thanks."

"And that explains all the yelling I heard,” Lindsay said with a nod, looking back at her magazine.

“Y-yeah…” Michael sat down at the edge of her bed and said, “Uh, he, like…completely flipped out on me.”

“Gob does that,” she replied simply, idly flipping a page in her magazine. “There’s no reason to worry about it; he’ll get over it in a second, you know what he’s like.”

“I guess,” Michael said. He paused for a while, not sure how to say what he wanted to say next.

Lindsay looked up from her magazine and asked, “Is there anything else?” Michael nodded mutely. “What is it?”

Michael stayed still for a moment, trying to think of how to broach the subject. “It’s just…Gob’s really obsessed with this whole plan thing.”

“Yeah. Again, that’s just what Gob does. He gets obsessive.”

“Right, yeah…but this is a little different don’t you think?”

Lindsay looked back at her magazine. “Maybe.”

“He just won’t let it go. I told him I’m over Sally and Tony seems just fine with her. I…it’s weird that he’s still so obsessed with this, right?”

“Not for Gob, no. I think it makes perfect sense for him to latch onto this.”

Michael shook his head; did Lindsay not get what he was saying? “But this is different, Linds, I…” Lindsay looked up at him and Michael finally said, “I think…I think Gob’s jealous of Sally. Like, I think he wants to date Tony.”

Lindsay kept looking at him for a while. Michael was ready to watch her eyes light up in realization or for her to try to deny it; he already had plans in his head for what to say if she said he had to be out of his mind.

But finally Lindsay just said, “Well, duh.”

“What?” Michael gaped at her as she just looked back at her magazine. “I—you—what?!” He took the magazine from her and while she started to protest, he said, “When did you find out?”

Lindsay reached for her magazine, but Michael yanked it out of her reach and she rolled her eyes. “I’m pretty sure Gob’s been into Tony since, like, day one. Angela and I have even talked about it.”

Michael’s head started spinning. “But…I…how did you find out?”

“Because I’m not an idiot,” she said like it was obvious. “Come on, Michael. He’s Gob; he’s not exactly subtle about these things. He’s always trying to get Tony’s attention, he’s always talking about him, he raves about how great he is. It's the most over-the-top sort of crush in the world. Plus, the whole getting mad that your best friend is dating someone? It's a total crush move—it’s seriously like you’ve never seen a movie or something.”

“Real life isn’t like a movie, Linds,” Michael said.

“And, I mean, it’s pretty obvious he’s gay,” Lindsay continued. At Michael’s wide-eyed look, she laughed. “What? Have you seen the movies he likes? I mean, he’s watched The Outsiders more times than I have and remember when he first saw Top Gun and said he wanted to play volleyball? And just the fact that he wants to be Freddie Mercury so much? I. Mean. Duh.” Lindsay snorted and said, “Not to mention the fact that, like, three separate girls have said he cried after sex and the rest said that he just kinda laid there during.”

Okay, those last bits were brand new and honestly erred on the side of too much information, but the rest of it was stuff Michael knew, stuff Michael should’ve noticed . “…Oh my god,” Michael said, more bits clicking in his head. The Olympics obsession, his love of Dynasty , the fact that he always seemed to get super drunk before he had sex with any girl. He was sure if he had more time, he'd come up with even more evidence.

“He’s so gay ,” Michael whispered. How had he never put that together himself?

“I know, right?” Lindsay said. “I was just helping him out with the break-up stuff so I could give you a make-over. And because, you know, I kinda wanted to hang out with him some.” She looked a bit embarrassed to admit that part, but she soon recovered to say, “But don’t worry; you’re definitely not the last to know. I mean, Tony doesn’t know. And Gob definitely hasn’t realized it yet, either.”

Michael had so many questions, too many to even try to voice them. Who else knew? How did they get Gob to realize that he was gay? Was Tony gay, too?

“Can I have my magazine back now?”

After a moment, Michael handed it back to her and got off her bed to go back to his room. He still had a lot of thinking to do—and he suddenly had a love life of his own to worry about, too.

Chapter Text

And He’s Holding Her in His Arms Late, Late at Night

When Gob and the twins showed up to the Wunderlich’s on the last Monday of the semester, things were buzzing with excitement. Okay, yes, the place was normally buzzing, that was true, but never like this. For once, everyone seemed to actually be in the kitchen on time, there was even more talking than usual, and, strangest of all, Chiara was relaxed with her hair down, the biggest smile on her face, and she was wearing just her pajamas. Despite how many times he had spent the night, he had seen her looking that relaxed maybe once in his life.

Gob asked, “What’s going on?”

“Kiki got engaged!” Pip squealed excitedly. For once, Chiara didn’t cringe at that nickname, apparently too happy to do so.

“Woah, seriously?” Gob asked. She held up her left hand for proof, the gold of her ring glinting in the light of the kitchen. “Congrats, Chiara!” Michael and Lindsay echoed the congratulations, Lindsay making a beeline over to her to look at the ring up close.

“Thanks,” she said breathlessly, letting Lindsay take her left hand to inspect the engagement ring. “It just happened last night.”

“It’s a beautiful ring,” Lindsay said, letting go of Chiara’s hand while Gob sat down next to Tony.

“I knew it was coming,” Tony’s dad said. “David asked for my blessing a couple weeks ago; I like that in a future son-in-law,” he said with a nod.

Chiara rolled her eyes, but she was still smiling. “You’re so old-fashioned, dad; there’s really no reason for a man to ask his girlfriend’s father for permission to marry her.”

“Hey, nothing wrong with being old-fashioned,” their father insisted. “It’s the polite thing to do. And I expect all my sons to do the same someday.”

“Like it’ll even be legal for Tony to get married,” Daniel joked.

While Gob would normally just assume it was some dumb joke, both of Tony’s parents, particularly his dad, looked extremely uncomfortable; Chiara cleared her throat; and Angela hit Daniel’s arm. Michael and Lindsay made eye contact, but Tony’s younger siblings looked just as confused as Gob felt. “Have you taken your meds today, Daniele?” Tony asked, bringing out the full, Italian first name as his eyes narrowed.         

Daniel rolled his eyes in response. “Lighten up, Antonio; it’s a joke.”

Gob opened his mouth to ask what his “joke” meant, but, for whatever reason, Angela chose that moment to say, “Lindsay, you should totally come with us when we go dress shopping.” She turned to Chiara, “Don’t you think? I mean, look how good she did with Michael’s wardrobe.”

“I’d love for you to join us,” Chiara said. “I haven’t made an appointment yet, but I’ll let you know when we do.”

Lindsay squealed with excitement, soon sitting next to Angela as she opened a bridal magazine. As they looked over it together, Gob intended to ask his question, but Michael asked Chiara, “Do you have a date in mind?”

“Oh, no,” Chiara said. “But we hope to get married within the year. We don’t really see the point of a long engagement.”

Michael nodded. “I hope you’ll let us see the pictures,” he said, polite as ever.

Again, Gob tried to ask his question, but he was interrupted by Chiara kindly laughing. “Oh, come on; you three will definitely be invited,” she said. “You’re all practically family.”

Gob’s question was suddenly lost at the thought of being considered part of the Wunderlich family, a thought that made him grin widely as he finally started to eat a pastry. It was honestly a relief. A few months ago, he would’ve just assumed that he was going to be invited no matter what, but the last month had been weird. Whenever he was over, he felt like there was some weird tension in the air, something he couldn’t explain, particularly with Tony’s parents.

When he’d hang out with Tony in his room, Giulia would often walk by to check in, opening the door even wider than it had been open before. She’d often try to convince them to hang out in the living room instead, much to Tony’s obvious chagrin. One time Daniel was in there and he admitted that his mom asked him to keep an eye on them while she was at the bakery, which just confused Gob because it wasn’t like they really made a mess or anything when they were left alone. And while she still smiled at Gob and treated him kindly, she seemed to have a questioning look in her eyes whenever he and Tony were in her eyesight.

Tony’s father was even weirder. Gob wasn’t the most observant, but it was easy to see how awkward he was around Tony. His friend seemed to lower his head to avoid eye contact with his dad whenever they crossed paths, while his dad also seemed to avoid looking at him for too long, too. And Gob couldn’t help but notice that they were working less hours together at the bakery. He still joked around with Gob, but it wasn’t as much as before and, much like his wife, he seemed to have a weird look in his eyes.

But, hey, they were confirmed family members by Chiara at least, and Chiara was basically like a second mom to Tony. Gob beamed at the news while Michael thanked her for the promise of an invitation.

“And from what I’ve heard, someone might need a plus one,” Angela said with a knowing grin at Michael. “Lindsay told me about some new girl named Tracey?”

Michael grinned and ducked his head. “I…yeah…we’ve gone out a few times and…I really like her.”

“Aw, that’s so sweet,” Giulia said while Lizzie crossed her arms and rolled her eyes. Tony snorted at his little sister’s reaction and normally Gob would have, too, but he was still pissed at Michael for ruining The Plan™ (was the trademark right or was that something you’d want to copywrite instead?)

“You’re going to turn into a lady killer just like your older brother, huh?” Daniel, as in Tony’s dad, said. He glanced hopefully at Gob before looking back at Michael.

Weirdly, Michael also glanced at Gob but then looked back at Tony’s parents. “…I think I’ll be a little different than Gob when it comes to girls.”

New Year’s Eve was a great holiday in Gob’s opinion. Sure, it wasn’t as great as Christmas, which was the end all be all of holidays, but New Year’s was a close second. It was literally just an excuse to get shit-faced, yell a final countdown of the year, and then make out with someone on top of it all. Truly, it was an amazing holiday. It was so amazing that he didn’t even mind that he wasn’t hosting the big New Year’s Eve party that year; while he preferred hosting all the parties because it meant he could take whichever lucky girl he found straight to his own bedroom and then pass out immediately after in his own comfy bed, Gob was ready for the holiday no matter what. And, hey, while he liked going on the hunt for a make out partner, it was kind of nice to have a steady girlfriend with him that he got a guaranteed kiss out of.

Of course, with Sally out of town, Tony wasn’t quite as lucky. And, while, again, he could do better than Sally, Gob did feel kind of bad for him. He even volunteered to help him find someone else to kiss at midnight, since, come on, he was allowed to kiss one different person at midnight on New Year’s that wasn’t his girlfriend.

And, of course, if it turned into more than just a kiss, that wasn’t so bad, right? Anything to help The Plan © (was that how copywrite symbols were used? He’d have to look it up). But, really, he was primarily trying to make sure that Tony got to ring in the last year of the ‘80s right.

Tony, however, was all noble or whatever and turned down Gob’s offer to help him find someone else. He specifically told Gob, “I’ll be fine without a kiss; it’s not like I’ve never celebrated New Year’s without a kiss.” That was true; their first New Year’s together, while Gob had found someone, Tony had been just as happy to cheer on the stroke of midnight and start loudly singing “Auld Lang Syne”.

Tony had also been completely hammered by that point.

But, still, as midnight drew nearer, Gob found himself glancing over at Tony with a frown quite often. Eve seemed to notice, too. “What’s wrong?” she asked after what had to be the fifth time he had done that.

“It’s Tony. I feel kinda bad that he doesn’t have someone to kiss at midnight, you know?” Gob said. “Almost everyone here is coupled up; I don’t want him to feel left out.”

“You are truly the sweetest guy, Gob; I love how much you care about your friends,” Eve said. She, too, looked over at Tony sympathetically. “I’m sure he’ll be fine, though. He seems happy enough right now, don’t you think?”

“I guess…” Gob sighed. He knew it was a little, well, weird for him to worry about his best friend not getting a kiss, but if he had to deal with actually dating Stickwell, didn’t he deserve to at least get a make out at midnight?

After a few more moments, Gob snapped his fingers. “Maybe we can hold off on the kiss for just a few seconds?” Gob suggested. “That way at least he won’t be left out?”

Eve smiled and nodded. “That’s fine with me.”

“And maybe you can kiss him, too?” Gob asked.

That made Eve raise her eyebrows. “What?”

“No, not like a kiss-kiss. Like, just one on the cheek.”

“Oh.” After a moment of consideration, she nodded. “Okay, I can do that. As long as I get a kiss from you to ring in the last year of the decade.”

Gob smirked. “Like I’d let you go without one.”

The two of them stood near Tony as the countdown began—someone had obnoxiously started it at the 60 second mark. By the time it got to 30, everyone started to join in. Gob wrapped an arm around Tony as it got to the 10 second mark, the two of them yelling the loudest of them all.

“5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

Gob excitedly wrapped his arms around his best friend and Tony hugged him back, both of them cheering loudly with everyone else. Eve moved in to give Tony a quick kiss on the cheek, a little bit of her lipstick smudging off on his skin, and he smiled at her in thanks. Then, while Gob still had his arms wrapped around Tony, Eve kissed him gently on the lips. There was definitely something strange about hugging a guy and kissing someone at the same time, but he had enough alcohol in his system to not question it at all.

If Gob’s life were a movie, January and February of 1989 would’ve been reduced down to a montage with some kickass song playing the background, or at least a catchy one. Something like “Eye of the Tiger” from that one Rocky movie—Gob had lost count of which one it was. Or like “Footloose” from, well, Footloose. Anyways, even though his life wasn’t a movie, Gob still felt like those two months passed by in a couple of minutes, but, sadly, no awesome song was playing in the background.

However, a lot of music was involved in those months of his life. One of the best gifts he got for Christmas was getting invited to the in-person auditions for most of the schools he applied to: Chapman (his safety school), San Francisco Conservatory of Music, Boston Conservatory, Manhattan School of Music, NYU, and fucking Juilliard. He had never been more convinced that, hey, he was good at this stuff. He had never been more convinced that he was good at anything. Yeah, he still wanted to be a magician, but, well…maybe he could at least take some piano gigs on the side. Nothing wrong with that, right?

But, anyways, those invitations for live auditions meant more and more practicing. Miss Griffin started to come over twice a week for his hour-long lessons, he spent most of his independent study running through rough sections, and, whenever he happened to be home when his dad wasn’t, he took advantage of playing on the actual piano instead of the plastic keys of his keyboard. It may have been years since he had played so much, before his dad made him feel like it wasn’t worth it anymore. It had definitely been years since he played so much outside the confines of his room with his headphones on.

The two months were also full with Gob flying out to said auditions. While he wasn’t the biggest fan of flying, especially from the John Wayne Airport—those motherfuckers turned off the engines during the initial take-off due to sound laws or something in Orange County and it scared Gob every single time it happened despite that being the main airport he had used his whole life—it was kind of nice to get away for a bit. It was nice getting away from his parents, because even if him playing more made his mom less cruel to him, he still never felt any love in that house. It was nice to get away from his siblings, particularly Lindsay and Michael because he was still kinda mad with over ruining © 1988 The Plan (yes, Gob looked up the proper way to copyright something, though he still wasn’t sure if he was supposed to copyright or trademark his plan). It was actually nice to get away from Eve on Valentine’s Day, since he really had no idea how to have a proper V-Day date, seeing as he had never had a girlfriend on Valentine’s Day. And it was obviously nice to get away from Sally, even if it meant getting away from Tony, too.

At least Tony always hung out with him when he got back. He asked how his auditions went, how he liked the schools, what he enjoyed the most, what he didn’t like—he asked him everything. And for the three different weekends he spent in New York City, Gob made sure to take all the pictures he could for Tony, which made Tony a little jealous, but he was appreciative all the same.

“God, I miss this place,” Tony said wistfully as he looked at the developed pictures. “So? What did you think? Did you love it there?”

“…Okay, yeah. I kinda did,” Gob admitted. As much as he had been opposed to the idea of New York past possibly living with Tony, he did end up enjoying the city. Maybe part of it was just because it got him away from everything, but there was also just something so nice about being in a city that didn’t stop moving. As much as he loved Newport Beach, it could get really boring at times, especially when he wasn’t throwing one party or another. “It’s really cold, though. Really cold. I couldn’t wear my sandals and I don't think the coat I got for the trips was enough…”

Tony laughed a little. “Man, you’re such a wimp about that stuff.” Gob hit him on the arm for that and Tony just laughed more. “It’s okay; we’ll find a way to keep you warm I’m sure.”

“You’ll help me with that?” Gob asked. Tony nodded and Gob smiled. Gob didn’t know what that would involve, and he definitely had no idea why that made Tony turn the slightest bit red, but it sounded nice.

On the last Friday in February, the school district was closed for some sort of teacher training. That meant a three-day weekend, which meant, like clockwork, Gob’s parents and Buster were gone and Gob got to throw a big party on Thursday night. It also meant he got to do another magic show with Tony and Tony got to spend that night.

And while Tony had a date planned for the following night, the two of them got to spend the whole day together beforehand. It was nice since, with all the auditions and the extra practicing, Gob had seen even less of Tony than usual, and the next weekend he was going to be in San Francisco for his last audition. They saw a dumb movie and made fun of the plot, they went to one of their favorite places for lunch, and then they ended up hitting the mall.

The two of them each got a soft pretzel and sat down on a bench to discuss their latest magic illusion at the party. As usual, Gob thought it went really well, but Tony still wanted to come up with ways to improve it even more.

Tony frowned as he looked over his notes. “Okay, we really need to work on the smoke machine. I nearly choked last night because someone keeps putting it on the highest speed possible.” He gave Gob a pointed look.

“Hey! Just because you have weak lungs doesn’t mean our show should suffer, right?”

Tony nudged him in response and Gob nudged him back, both of them laughing at the other. They were so caught up in their own little world, they seemed to forget anyone else was there until they heard a voice calling out, “Tony?”

Both boys looked up in confusion. That voice definitely wasn’t Sally’s, the voice Gob would expect to interrupt them since she was always interrupting them. Gob was pretty sure it was a male voice, and one he had never heard before.

“Tony!”

Tony finally spotted the guy and stood up in surprise, a smile on his face. “Oh my god, hey!” The guy came over to greet him, giving him a big hug while Gob watched from the bench, bitterly biting into his pretzel. It had been forever since the two of them had been alone for a full day, and now some guy Gob didn’t even know was there? What the hell?

“God, I—what are you doing here?” Tony asked the guy.

“My grandparents live here, remember?”

“That’s right; I forgot you said that.”

“Yeah, my grandma had to have surgery, so my mom rushed us over.”

“Oh, man, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t worry; she’s fine and doing well,” the guy said.

“Good! I’m glad to heart that.”

“Yeah—but, yeah, I was hoping I would bump into you since I totally forgot to grab your phone number before I left home.”

Gob stood up, very much enjoying being taller than whoever this guy was, and looked at Tony. “Are you gonna introduce us?” he asked Tony, side-eying this stranger who was interrupting their time together.

“Oh—right, of course,” Tony said. “This is one of my friends from camp.”

“Oh, so you’re Jewish?”

The guy laughed a little. “Uh, yeah, I’m Jewish. I think most people ask for a name first, though.”

“Right. And your name?”

The guy opened his mouth, but Tony quickly supplied, “This is Samuel.”

He gave Tony an odd look before turning back to Gob. “I mean, technically. But most people call me Sammy.”

Gob shook the hand Sammy offered. After a moment, he laughed a little. “That’s funny, ‘cause that’s the same name of that girl you fucked at that camp,” Gob told Tony, lightly nudging him with a grin. What a weird coincidence.

“Wow…” Sammy turned to Tony with an amused look, and then looked back at Gob. “By that response, I’m guessing you’re Gob.” Gob nodded proudly and Sammy looked back at Tony. “Just…wow. You were not exaggerating, Tony. He’s a regular ol’ Woody Boyd.”

Gob scoffed. “If I’m anyone on Cheers, it’s Sam Malone. Like, a hotter version.” He was totally more of a playboy alcoholic than some country boy who didn’t understand anything that happened around him.

Sammy looked Gob up and down and grinned. He told Tony, “You really weren’t exaggerating about anything.”

“You talked about me?” Gob asked brightly, finally realizing that they must have. He liked knowing Tony hadn’t forgotten about him at camp; maybe he had missed Gob as much as Gob had missed him.

“Just a bit, yeah,” Tony said, his voice higher than usual as he shot a warning look at Sammy.

“Yeah. He just mentioned that you’re very tall,” Sammy said, letting his eyes do a once over Gob’s body again. He turned back to Tony and said, “Well, if you have any free time to hang out, I’m here for a few more days.”

Gob pouted slightly. “We’re supposed to be hanging out,” he said, his voice whining just the tiniest bit. It wasn’t fair for the two of them to finally have time to hang now that most of his auditions were over, only for Tony to ditch him for some other guy.

Sammy grinned. “I don’t see why you can’t join us. What do you think, Tony?”

Tony, for whatever reason, turned red. “I…well, no, I don’t think Gob wants to hang out in that way.”

“What way?” Gob asked.

Tony ignored him to say, “Besides, my girlfriend and I have plans tonight.”

“Ah,” Sammy said with a slight sigh. “Gotcha. Well…if you change your mind, I’m here for a couple more days.” Sammy took the pen Tony had in his hand and wrote down his number on the page of the notebook Tony had opened. “That’s my grandmother’s telephone number; we’re staying at her place.” He looked over at Gob and said, “And if you decide you want to hang, feel free to give me a ring sometime.” He gave Gob a wink.

Gob shrugged in response, since he really couldn’t imagine himself calling some guy he didn’t know to hang out; it wasn’t like he was that desperate for someone to hang out with when Tony wasn’t around. Then Sammy was saying goodbye and Gob waved him away, glad to have his friend to himself again.

“Weird guy,” Gob said, having a big bite of his pretzel. “The name thing’s really funny, though. How many Sammys went to your camp?” Gob chuckled, shaking his head.

“It’s a popular name,” Tony mumbled. “Let’s get out of here, okay?”

“What? Why? We, like, just got here,” Gob said.

Tony looked at Gob seriously. “You’re gonna realize something in a few moments, and I think we should get as far from public as we can before that happens.”

“What?”

“Let’s just go.” Tony took his hand and yanked him towards the parking lot. Gob was confused, but he let it happen, still eating his pretzel along the way. He wasn’t sure how Tony expected him to think when he was holding his hand and dragging him around, but whatever.

Once they reached the parking lot, Tony dropped his hand and Gob started to think about that Sammy guy. He was kinda weird, right? Gob felt like he was speaking in some code around him, saying something that he didn’t get.

Then again, Tony seemed to be speaking in that same way. And Tony had acted weird himself, hadn’t he? Like, he was excited to see him at first, but then seemed super nervous about introducing him to Gob. And he had actually blushed at one point, which was super weird. Tony wasn’t the bashful kind at all. And why had he introduced him by ‘Samuel’ if the guy went by ‘Sammy’? You’d think he’d be used to calling him ‘Sammy’ if they had spent the whole summer together—

Gob suddenly stopped in his tracks, his pretzel falling out of his hand. Tony made it quite a few feet ahead of him, almost to Gob’s car, before he realized Gob had stopped. He turned around nervously and looked over at his friend. Gob stared back, his eyes wide and his heart pounding.

“…You made that connection, huh?" Tony asked nervously. Gob nodded mutely in response.

The two of them were sitting in Gob’s room. While the house was empty, the door was closed and locked for extra privacy. Just in case, you know, someone tried to barge in.

Not that there was anything to barge in on, at least not yet. Gob was still staring at the wall in front of him, trying to gather his thoughts, any thoughts, while Tony waited nervously, avoiding looking at him. Gob wasn’t sure he had ever been silent for as long as he had been that day, since the car ride over had been filled with only the sound of silence as well.

After what felt like hours, Gob said, “…You know, when you said you slept with someone at camp, I really just assumed it was, you know, a girl.”

“Yeah…” Tony said. “I…I wanted to tell you—”

“Why didn’t you?” Gob asked, actually turning to Tony that time. “Why did you lie to me about this?”

“I didn’t lie,” Tony said, even if he ducked his head slightly to avoid eye contact with Gob. “At least not in that first conversation? I told you I slept with Sammy and then I never used any pronouns. I just said that Sammy wasn’t my girlfriend and, well…he isn’t.” Gob scoffed and shook his head. “Honestly, when I said his name, I thought you would get that I slept with a guy—”

“Jesus, Tony, I watch Dynasty! What did you expect? You say ‘Sammy’ and I’m gonna think of Heather Locklear being a bitch, not some guy!” Gob exclaimed. Tony watched the show, too, so he should’ve known.

Tony sighed. “You’re right.”

Gob looked at him, not sure what he was even feeling at the moment. “So…so are you gay now?”

“No,” Tony said with a heavy sigh. “If I was gay, I wouldn’t be dating Sally. I’m bisexual.” After a beat, he explained, “It means I like both girls and—”

“I know what bisexual means,” Gob said, crossing his arms. “Just because I fell for your trick doesn’t mean I’m an idiot.”

“I never said you were! I’ve had to explain that to so many people that I just…fell into the habit.”

“So many people? Like who?” Gob asked, rather upset and seemingly being the last to know. “Who else got to know before me?”

After a moment, Tony started quietly, “I told Angie when I got back from camp.” While Gob wasn’t too happy with her knowing for so long before him, he could at least accept it because, well, it was Ange. Her and Tony had grown up close and Gob cared a lot about her, too. That was acceptable. “Before I even met you I had…I had thought maybe I was. And we had talked about it, so I just…I wanted her to know. And, I mean, obviously Sammy knows. And I wasn’t lying when I said the thing that kept me away from your Halloween party was about Sammy. Or that it was because my ma overheard Angie talking about him. Loudly. And then Chiara and Daniel found out about it at the family meeting. As did…my dad…" Tony sighed, "And now he can barely even look at me.” Tony looked down at his lap, his eyes downcast.

No, this wasn’t right. His best friend wasn’t supposed to look like that! Gob hated seeing Tony looking so hurt; it hurt him to see him hurt. Gob felt a pang in his heart and he lowered his crossed arms, all anger at being lied to lost. You know, at least for the moment.

“Is he…is he really that mad at you for…that?” Gob asked. He couldn't imagine Big D being angry over something like that.

“He’s not mad, I don’t think,” Tony said. “None of them are. They're just…awkward. I know he’s gonna get better about it—I mean, I hope he gets better…”

“He will,” Gob said immediately. It seemed like the right thing to say, and he just wanted Tony to feel better.

“Yeah…”

The two of them were silent for a moment. Gob was still trying to process all of it. He couldn’t even tell how he felt about it anymore since he was still trying to just understand what he’d just been told. He even closed his eyes for a moment as he tried to understand everything he had missed.

Slowly, little things started adding up, things that he hadn’t put together before. Daniel’s “joke” about Tony not being allowed to get married, for one. The conversation he overheard between Angie and Tony, the one where he said that he liked “both”. He still didn’t know how he fit into it—

“Wait,” Gob said suddenly. “Is that—is that why your mom wants you to keep the door open when I’m there?” He looked at Tony with wide eyes, suddenly panicked at the thought he had. “I—I’m not—do they think that I—because I’m not—wh-wh-why would they think that I’m—”

“No! No! They don’t!” Tony sighed. “…They want me to keep the door open no matter who’s there now. Apparently they think because I’m bi I’m gonna wanna sleep with anyone and everyone…including you.” Gob felt his heart beating in his throat, but then Tony quickly said, “They just think that because we’re close, it’s not because I would! Not with you. I’m not—I mean, I have a girlfriend—”

“And I’m not—you know—”

“Exactly. And you’re not my type anyways.”

Suddenly Gob felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“And it’s so ridiculous! They think I’ve become some sort of sex monster just because I’ve slept with one guy.”

He wasn’t Tony’s type?

“Well, they think I’m some sort of sex maniac with guys, at least. They don’t get that I like both guys and girls.”

He was everybody’s type!

“I kept trying to tell them and keep trying to tell them that I like both guys and girls and they just don’t get it.”

How could he not be Tony’s type? He was his best friend! That had to mean something!

“My parents think it’s some phase or something, that I just slept with a guy at summer camp once and I’ll never be into guys again, but I still find guys attractive.”

Except for his best friend who was really fucking hot, by the way.

“And then Angela thinks I’m gay and this Sally thing is some sort of denial.”

Gob looked back up at Tony suddenly. “And it’s not?”

“No!” Tony all but yelled. “I like both! Why is that so hard for people to get?”

Okay, okay, he liked both…but it also meant maybe Tony could leave her for a guy, too, right? Did he know any gay guys? Or bi guys or whatever?

It took Gob a moment to realize Tony wasn’t talking anymore and he frowned. Tony looked like he was still upset over what Gob said, and, suddenly, what he had been thinking about was totally unimportant. What mattered was that Tony needed some support, some help, and Gob needed to comfort his best friend.

Tony was always the only person that made Gob stop thinking about himself for once.

“Hey,” Gob said softly. “I’m…I’m sorry about that. What I said—and what your family said and thinks. I just didn’t know…I don’t know any gay or bi people or whatever. I’m sorry.”

After a short silence, Tony nodded. “Yeah…and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I wanted to, I really did, but…but I didn’t know how you were gonna react.” He shrugged and looked up at Gob, “I thought with your parents being who they are and everything…I thought you might, like…hate me. And that scared me.”

“What?” Gob asked softly. “Dude, Tony…I could never hate you.”

“Well, you were freaking out over me saying I slept with a girl; for all I knew, you’d freak out even more if you know I slept with another guy,” Tony said.

“Hey, you just shocked me,” Gob said. Because that was obviously why finding out about Sammy on the first day of school upset him. That and not being the one who set him up was what had upset him so much. Obviously.

 “Yeah. Yeah, I guess I get that.”

Tony still looked anxious as he looked down at his lap, and Gob hated seeing him like that. He frowned and, with less hesitation than one would expect after their best friend of the same sex came out to them, Gob moved in closer and put a hand on his shoulder. Tony looked up in surprise and Gob quietly said, “I really could never hate you. Ever. You’re my best friend.” After a moment, he said something he had never said to Tony, but something he thought was always understood between the two of them. “I love you.”

Tony smiled a little. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Gob said firmly.

“…I love you, too.”

They both smiled at each other. It was a nice moment.

Until Gob quickly rushed out, “I mean, like, in a straight way.”

“Right, right. I mean, like I said, I’m not interested in you like…like that.”

Gob awkwardly cleared his throat and brought his hand off of Tony’s shoulder, feeling too weird having his hand there for so long. “So…that’s all who knows? Me, your older siblings, your parents, and Sammy? That’s it?”

“Yeah. That’s it.”

“…Sally doesn’t?”

Tony shook his head and Gob honestly appreciated that he knew before her. “I need to tell her, though. I want to tell her before we…you know. I think she should know that she’s my first girl. But I’m afraid she’s not gonna take it well—it’s not like she’s said anything bad about gay or bi people, I’m just afraid of telling anyone. I mean, as soon as my parents found out, they made an appointment to get me tested to make sure I didn’t have AIDS or anything.”

Oh, shit. Gob hadn’t thought about that. “And…?”

“I’m clean, Gob, come on; Sammy was a virgin, too.” Tony rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “It just made me feel like I was some diseased freak or something. But I’m not. And I don’t want Sally to think that about me, either.”

Gob was silent, just thinking it over for a moment before suddenly saying, “You have to tell her.” Tony looked at him curiously and Gob paused to think about what to say. “…I mean, you said yourself that she deserves to know, right? And how can you be close if you keep this from her? You should tell her, like, right away. As soon as you can.”

There was a long silence as Tony thought about it. Finally, he nodded and said, “You’re right.” He nodded again and said, “You’re right. I need to tell her. And soon. I mean…I guess we have a date tonight. I might as well go for it then, right?”

“Definitely,” Gob said. “Who knows? Maybe she’ll be into it? I mean, bi girls are hot, right? Maybe she’ll think bi guys are?”

Tony laughed. “Maybe.” He smiled over at Gob. “Thanks, man. For being cool about this.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Gob said, shaking his head.

And Tony really shouldn’t have thanked him; Gob was the one who should’ve thanked him. After all, once Tony told Sally the truth that night, © 1988 The Plan was gonna finally be accomplished.

Gob smiled as Tony left, secure in the idea that the next time they talked, Tony was finally going to be done with Sally Sitwell for good.

Of course, since Tony had that date with Sally, Gob had already made plans to hang out with Eve. He always tried to arrange it that way so he wasn’t just sitting at home like some loser or something. And they did the usual date things. Movie, burger, backseat, all of that.

This time, however, Gob wasn’t nearly as interested in the backseat portion of the date as usual. It wasn’t like Eve was kissing him any better or worse than usual or that he wasn’t up for how she was straddling him—he always liked when he didn’t have to be on top, to be honest. But a lot of what Tony had said earlier had gotten to him, like it had wiggled into his brain like a catchy song and suddenly it was all he could think about. It was really only starting to sink in then that Tony was bi. He had fucked a guy. He lost his virginity to a guy.

And how the hell could Tony like guys and have the gall to not be attracted to him?

Eve seemed to notice that Gob’s head wasn’t in the game after a little while and she pulled her lips off of his. “Are you okay?” Eve asked.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine,” Gob said. Eve raised an eyebrow at him and he sighed. “…I was just thinking.”

“About what?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Lots of things. College stuff. Auditions…”

Eve nodded in understanding and moved to sit down on the back seat they were stretched out in versus staying in Gob’s lap. “Yeah, I know what you mean. The auditions I had weren’t as big as yours, I know, but I’m still nervous to hear back and everything.”

“Yeah…” They both sat in silence for a bit. Finally, Gob asked, “You think I’m hot, right?”

Eve crossed her arms and asked, “Is this because I haven’t slept with you?”

“No!” Gob said. “I just…I’m hot, right? Like, I’m a good-looking guy, aren’t I?”

“…Well, yeah, of course you are,” Eve said.

“Right?” Gob said, frustrated. “God—someone told me I wasn’t their type and that’s just, like, so messed up ‘cause I’m everyone’s type!”

Eve’s eyes narrowed. “Who told you that?”

Gob froze. He couldn’t tell her what Tony had said, because he couldn’t just betray his friend like that. “I…it’s no one. Nothing.”

Still, Eve continued to glare. “Were you flirting with someone?”

“No! I just…it came up in conversation.” Eve still glared. “I promise I wasn’t talking to any other girl about this or anything.” And, hey, that was the truth.

After a moment, Eve’s eyes relaxed out of a glare and she nodded. A moment after that, she said, “You know, I am very thankful that you’ve been so patient with me. I know it’s got to be hard to wait for someone like you.”

Gob nodded. He had been so busy with his auditions and the © 1988 The Plan that the waiting wasn’t that bad. Besides, sometimes his own hand was better than a girl. It involved less talking and often times less work since he didn’t have to worry about making anyone else come.

Eve carefully crawled forward a little. “I just want our first time to be special. And not in the back of a car or something quick while my parents are out of the house, you know?” Gob nodded again. He knew girls got all sentimental about that shit.

“…But just because I want to wait for that perfect moment doesn’t mean we can’t have some more fun now,” she said as she moved to straddle Gob’s legs, a smirk on her face.

Gob raised an eyebrow, a smirk starting to form on his face. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she said breathlessly, putting her hands on his shoulders. She leaned forward to kiss him again, her hands carefully running down his chest until one of them brushed over his crotch. Gob moaned quietly into their kiss, and soon Eve’s hands were fumbling with his belt and undoing his zipper.

Fuck yeah. That was just what he needed after the day he had. At least his girlfriend thought he was hot, unlike Tony. Stupid Tony. Stupid Tony who found that Sammy guy hot. Stupid Tony who had lied to him about who he lost his virginity to. Stupid Tony who thought Sally was hot.

Stupid Tony who must have wrapped his hand around Sammy just like Eve was wrapping her hand around Gob.

Gob felt his cock twitch at that thought. Tony must have done that, right? He didn’t ask what all they had done, but they had to have at least done hand stuff, right? Did Tony really like doing that, or was it like how Gob just would finger or eat out a girl just so they wouldn’t complain about it being unfair that he didn’t get them off?

Eve started to stroke him, but not firmly enough. Gob wrapped his hand around hers for a moment, guiding her to do it just how he liked it. Once he pulled away, she seemed to have the hang of it, and he let his head fall back against the window.

That had to be the advantage of doing it with a guy like Tony had. Guys had a better idea of how their own equipment worked, which had to make it easier to get them off. Sammy probably knew just how to get Tony off like that. And Tony was already so good with his hands—he was going to make a living off of them as a magician, after all—that he probably was really good at that without any help needed. Tony was probably a natural at it, since Tony seemed to be good at everything and anything, from magic to school to art. Tony was just amazing like that.

Gob’s breaths started to quicken. Did Sammy realize how lucky he was to have Tony as his first guy? Tony, who cared about people more than he ever let on? Tony, who always was ready to try anything? Tony, who always wanted to improve in everything, even in things he was already great at?

Gob closed his eyes with a moan. Tony probably worked his ass off to make Sammy feel good—maybe even literally, like, in the ass. Or, well, he said he didn’t like the Naples thing, right? Maybe he did that to Sammy instead. Maybe Tony had straddled Sammy like Eve was straddling his legs right then. Maybe Tony had taken control—no, he definitely took control, because that was who Tony was. Demanding, in control, stubborn as fuck. He’d do it however he wanted—he’d make sure Sammy got off, of course, but he’d be in control the whole time.

Gob wrapped his hand around Eve’s again, urging her to go faster and grip him tighter. He licked his lips, his eyes still closed as he kept imagining all of it, his mind unable to stop itself from thinking about it. Honestly, even if he could stop the images, he didn’t think he wanted to. Eve was doing a fine job, really, but he knew Tony would do even better. Tony would know just how to vary the pressure and speed of his hand, he’d probably tease him—he was the only one Gob liked teasing him, anyways—and he’d definitely have that stupid smirk on his face, the one that was weirdly sexy on him—

A coiling feeling built up in his stomach and Gob opened his eyes as he removed his hand from Eve’s yet again. It had come faster than he expected. His vision was blurry from how hard he had shut his eyes. He tried to focus his sight on Eve, but all he could really see as she worked him intently was the top of her head. Her hair had some spikes in it, and even with the length, Gob couldn’t help but notice how it looked like Tony’s. As his eyes tried to re-focus on the blurry image in front of him, it definitely looked a lot like Tony was jerking him off.

And with that thought on his mind, Gob’s hips jerked up as he came with a loud moan. His eyes closed yet again as his mind blissfully went blank for a few moments—several moments, really, his orgasm lasting longer than it seemed to.

When he finally opened his eyes, he saw Eve wiping off her hand on a napkin and he slowly started to remember what happened. What he had thought about. What he had imagined that had made him come so hard.

“We should get going before my curfew,” Eve said. She giggled and said, “Whoever said you weren’t hot should’ve seen that. Then they’d have to eat their words.”

As Eve kissed him, Gob realized that, yeah, he’d like for that person to have seen that, too.

Gob laid in bed the next day, his head pounding from how much he was thinking. He really wasn’t used to thinking so much but god the night before had left him so confused—and horny. God, he ended up jerking himself off, like, two more times after he got home. It was easier to do that until his body got so exhausted that he fell asleep. So much easier than leaving himself alone with his thoughts like he was then.

It was why when the phone rang, he immediately answered it. Again, it was easier to distract himself than lay in bed alone with his thoughts.

“Hello?”

“Gob?”

“Tony!” Gob sat up immediately. “H-hey, man, what’s up? How’d the date go?” Hopefully he didn’t sound too excited over what had to have been a break-up.

But, unfortunately, Tony laughed quietly. That wasn’t a good sign for © 1988 The Plan.

“It went really, really well,” Tony said. Gob could practically hear him smiling. “I told her everything. You know, about me—and Sammy.”

“R-right, yeah. How’d she take it?”

“She was super understanding and really great about it,” Tony said. Gob’s stomach sank. “God, I’m so lucky—she was so happy I was honest with her and she totally got the bi thing, too.”

“That’s…that’s great,” Gob said.

Apparently, Tony didn’t notice how unenthusiastic Gob sounded. “Right? God, I’m so lucky. And…” Tony chuckled again before saying, “She also took some other things really well last night.”

“What?”

“I know! I couldn’t believe it, but I guess you were right. Maybe she finds the idea of a bi guy hot. But, well, now I’ve finally slept with a girl, too.”

“…Wow.”

“I know. It’s crazy, right?” Tony laughed again, obviously pleased with himself. “Definitely not how I imagined my first time with a girl to start, but, hey, now I finally get why you like girls so much, right?” Tony joked.

“…Right.”

“Listen, man, I gotta go since I promised I’d work a shift at the bakery. But I just wanted you to know. I want to be as honest as possible with you moving forward, ‘cause I really do feel bad about not telling you the truth for so long.”

“Uh-huh…”

“And I wanted to thank you for some great advice.” He laughed again and said, “Hey, in a way, your plan to get me laid worked out, didn’t it?”

Gob forced out a laugh. “Yeah. Yeah it did.”

Tony quickly said goodbye and after Gob repeated the sentiment, Tony hung up. Gob listened to the dial tone for a long while, as if hoping Tony would somehow be back on and tell him it was all one big joke and that he didn’t sleep with Sally and that it was okay that the idea of Tony being with a girl hurt Gob so much more than the fact that Tony had been with a guy without telling him.

But he didn’t get back on. Gob hung up his phone and brought his knees to his chest. Unlike the night before, where images of Tony jerking off Sammy—jerking off him—made him feel so many different things, good things, the images flooding his head of Tony and Sally made his stomach uneasy. Tony holding her in his arms, Tony kissing her, Tony fucking her—it all made him want to throw up.

Gob closed his eyes tightly and rubbed them vigorously with his hands, trying to get the images out of his head, but it didn’t work. All that it did was make his throat tighten and his eyes sting until, finally, he let out a sob and started to cry into his hands. Tony and Sally were really, truly a thing now. Tony really liked her, maybe even loved her.

And Tony was never going to feel that way about him.

Chapter Text

I Just Want Your Extra Time

Okay. So. Gob had come hard while thinking about his best friend. His best friend who was a guy. And Gob had cried when he realized his best friend would never feel about him like how he felt about his girlfriend. No, Gob wasn’t the best at figuring out what he felt or what things meant, but he did know that all of that meant something. Something big. Yeah, he had been straight up jealous of Tony spending time with Sally, but this was a lot more than jealousy.

Obviously. Jealousy didn’t make you come like that.

Gob spent most of that Sunday in a daze, almost forgetting the traditional lunch he had with Lindsay and Michael when the maids came to clean up from the party. Once the maids showed up, he took them out to their usual place, but he barely talked.

They seemed to know that something was up. Part of that was probably because their brother rarely shut up, so his silence was weird. However, they got particularly concerned when he tried to get ketchup out of the glass bottle they were given. Gob hit it several times on the bottom of it as he held it upside-down, his eyes staring out in the distance.

“Gob?” Lindsay ventured. He looked at her suddenly, snapping out of his daze. “I know you like ketchup, but I think that’s a little excessive.”

Gob looked down at his plate that was now covered in ketchup and groaned under his breath. He put the bottle down and ran a hand over his face. “Shit.”

“…It’s still edible?” Lindsay volunteered, trying to look on the bright side.

“Yeah. I guess,” he muttered under his breath.

Michael and Lindsay shared a look as Gob half-heartedly started to eat his meal. “Are you okay?”

Gob misheard him and nearly choked on his food. “I—what? No, I’m not—am I what?”

“I asked if you were okay,” Michael said, his eyes a little wide with concern.

“Oh, I thought you asked if I was ga—never mind,” Gob said quickly. “I’m…I’m fine.” They didn’t look convinced and he lied, “Just nervous about my last audition. The waiting is getting hard, ya know?”

The twins looked at each other before looking back at Gob. They weren’t convinced, but they nodded anyways. “Yeah. I bet that’s nerve-wracking.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it definitely is.”

Gob had hoped against all hope that when he picked up Tony the next day for school that he’d be over it. Teenagers had all these hormones and things, right? Maybe Gob was just in a particularly hormonal mood and got his feelings mixed up.

But, nope. Of course not. If anything, he felt even weirder about it. About everything. He kept noticing things he hadn’t before. He noticed flecks of color in Tony’s eyes and how they lit up when Tony laughed; he noticed the light stubble on his neck, and he definitely wondered what that felt like; he noticed how full his lips were—

Gob literally had to force himself to look away and he kept having to remind himself to do that throughout all of breakfast. Even when he was just looking over to respond to something he said. What if he stared for too long? What if he gave himself away? What if Tony noticed and pushed him away since he obviously didn’t feel the same way since he wasn't Tony's "type"?

Tony had said he wanted them to be honest from then on out, but Gob couldn’t be honest about this.

Gob had hoped once they got in the car it would be better. Then he would have an excuse to not look at Tony the whole time. And for a while, it was fine. Focusing on the road meant Gob couldn’t look at him and he was talking more like a normal human being. But then, when one radio station went to commercial, Tony started searching for another one, soon stopping on a channel playing Prince.

“You don’t have to rich to be my girl; you don’t have to be cool to rule my world…”

Oh god . Gob remembered watching the music video for that repeatedly. He remembered dancing to girls to that song, grinding up on them. He remembered how, much like they did whenever they heard ‘Take On Me’, he and Tony would screech it out, failing completely to hit any note within Prince’s falsetto range, often to the point that Gob’s throat would hurt afterwards. It was a fun song, a great song, a sexy song.

His mouth suddenly went dry.

“I love this song,” Lindsay sighed dreamily from the back of the car. “Prince is so sexy in that video, isn’t he?”

Gob’s hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly his fists started turning white.

“He's not really my type, but he’s alright,” Tony joked.

What the fuck was Tony’s type if it wasn’t Gob or Prince?

Wait…Oh god, did he think Prince was sexy?

God, he did, didn’t he? This wasn’t just a Tony thing. This was…was this an all guys thing? Was he bi like Tony was?

Was he gay?

No. No, he couldn’t be gay. He slept with girls. He couldn’t be. He was normal, and, like, if he liked guys or whatever, did it matter? It wasn’t like he had to date one. No. No. He was fine.

Lindsay and Tony started singing along to the radio. Tony was still singing down the octave, obviously waiting for Gob to join him before he started to screech out the high notes.“Act your age, mama, not your shoe size—maybe we could do the twirl.” Tony grinned and poked Gob teasingly as he and Lindsay sang along with Prince, “You don’t have to watch Dynasty to have an attitude…”

Tony laughed. “That line always makes me think of you,” he told Gob.

“Me, too,” Lindsay said, laughing as well.

“Yeah, you and mom are so weird about that show,” Michael added, chuckling a little himself.

“I’m not weird!” Gob said, a bit more defensively than anyone expected. “I’m completely normal, okay?” Gob hit the power button on his radio to turn it off rather abruptly.

“Hey!” Lindsay complained loudly. “What did you do that for?”

“I have a headache,” Gob lied, his voice tight. “Can’t I just have silence for once?”

“Okay, man…” Tony said, giving his friend a concerned look. But, much like Gob had asked, Tony remained silent for the rest of the ride. Lindsay grumbled a bit, but she kept it to herself, and Michael just kept going over notes for a test he had later that day.

When they got to school, Lindsay slammed her door behind her and Michael hurried into the school building, but Tony grabbed Gob’s shoulder to stop him from leaving so soon. And, sure enough, that touch truly made Gob stop, mostly because he felt like his heart had stopped beating for a moment from that contact alone. “Hey, Gob. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“You sure? I think I have some Advil in my bag.”

“Why would I need that?”

Tony raised an eyebrow. “…For your headache?”

“Oh. Right. Yeah, I…no. I feel better now,” he said, forcing on a smile. “Thanks, though.”

“You sure? You look kinda upset or something.”

“No, no, no. I’m fine,” Gob reassured him. “Just…maybe a bit stressed about this weekend. But that’s it.”

“Okay,” Tony said. He smiled slightly at him and said, “Let me know if I can help in any way, okay?” With that, Tony got out of the car, but Gob stayed still for few moments longer. How the hell was he supposed to act normal around him anymore?

It was good that Gob had his San Francisco Conservatory of Music audition that weekend. It was extra good that the audition was on Friday, so he got to skip school on Thursday to fly out. It was also good that it was a short flight since Gob really wasn’t a fan of flying in the first place.

So, on the whole, it was all good.

His audition was earlier in the day than he would’ve liked, but he got up anyways and put on his audition suit. He grabbed a muffin and downed some coffee in the hotel’s continental breakfast and then headed on his way to the school in a taxi. There was no way in hell he’d figure out their public transit system in time to ride that over to the school.

Thankfully, something about performing, even at auditions, made Gob stop thinking about everything else. All throughout his warm-ups and the audition himself, Gob didn’t think about Tony or Sally or Sammy or Prince or anything; all he thought about was the music. He didn’t even have to think about the fingerings he practiced over and over again on the Liszt or the difficult, syncopated rhythms of the Bartok or bringing out the different voices of his Bach fugue or maintaining the line of the Schubert sonata. He had worked for so long and so hard on all of them that all he had to do was sit at the piano and play to his heart’s content.

It actually reminded him a lot of why he loved playing so much. It wasn’t as fun as magic, but it was a nice escape and a nice way to pound out some keys when things got particularly frustrating.

Afterwards, Gob went to some of the events the school was hosting. He had a sample lesson with one of the piano faculty during the lunch break, and he talked about where else he auditioned and what he hoped to accomplish and all of those things. Of course, Gob had been asked those questions by all the other teachers he had met with at that point, so he knew the right answers, which included not telling anyone about how this was just a way to get his counselor off his back or how he wanted to move to New York with his best friend—who he maybe sorta kinda had other feelings for, too? Instead, he told the professor about how much he loved music and how all he wanted to do with his life was perform. All of that was true, at least.

The next day he had completely free, so he decided to check out the city. While he had no interest in living there—you know, unless Tony was there, then maybe he'd consider it—he figured he should at least check out the sights. So, he went on a bus tour and saw all the usual things. The bridge, the Haight-Ashbury, the Full House houses.

By the time the sun started to set, Gob had managed to get himself a little lost. As he kept walking around, he eventually found a nice looking part of town with rainbow flags waving in the air and even a rainbow colored crosswalk. He tilted his head in curiosity at all the people in the area. Some of them were in line at a theater with a big marquee that said "CASTRO" on it in bold lettering. Others were heading further down the street, and those people weren't wearing a lot of clothing—those men. They were all men, Gob realized. Well, there were a handful of girls with ridiculous amounts of make-up and big hair on, but it was almost all entirely men on the street.

Unable to stop his curiosity, Gob kept walking further down the street, walking down one steep hill and then up another until he saw where a lot of the people were going. What looked like hundreds of men were lined up to get into some club. Even from several feet outside, Gob could hear the music playing and feel the bass part rumble in his chest. His eyes squinted as he took in the bright lights of the sign on the club and noticed that there were even more rainbow flags waving from that building.

"You're not going in there, are you?" Gob jumped and turned around towards the voice. It was one of those garishly dressed women. "You are much too young for that crowd, honey."

"N-n-no, I wasn't. I-I'm just in town for an audition—for school. I got lost, I don't know where I am. Sh-sh-sh-sh—"

"Hey, kid, it's okay, calm down," she told him, shushing him until Gob was breathing normally. "You're in the Castro." Gob looked at her blankly. "You know, home of the gays? It's okay; this is a nice part of town."

"But I-I-I'm n-n-not—"

"Where are you trying to get to?" she asked, sounding a little tired of him already. Thankfully, she at least knew the area and she told him the directions back to the train station and told him which one to take to get back to his hotel. 

Gob was relieved. "Thanks, lady," he said. After a moment, wanting to be nice, he said, "You look pretty." She looked amused but flattered as she waved him off.

On his way back down one steep hill and up another, he couldn't help but notice all the men around him in a different way. He noticed their muscles, their body hair, how some of them held hands with each other. He even stopped in his tracks as he saw two guys just kiss each other. In public. Where anyone could see them. When they noticed him looking, he quickly looked away and all but ran in the direction of public transit, but that didn't stop the thrill and relief that ran through him. There were other people out there, other people who maybe kinda sorta liked guys despite being one. Other people who were maybe kinda sorta like him. And they were living and having fun and kissing in public, all things Gob had assumed gay people couldn't even do.

You know, if he even was completely gay. Or whatever. He didn't know for sure. All he knew was that the women at the Castro were not his type at all.

…It was only when he reached his hotel that he realized the women he saw were definitely drag queens and he was definitely an idiot.

“So, how was San Francisco?” Tony asked as Gob started the car. “I want all the details.” While Gob had been back for a couple of days, it was only then that they had time to spend alone together.

That was really by Gob’s design. He had told Tony he was busy on Monday and Tuesday, but on Wednesday they had magic club, and he figured it was time to stop hiding from him. After all, Gob missed him a lot already and, no matter what confusing things he felt, he still wanted to spend time with him.

“It wasn’t as cool as New York, was it? Or did the sunshine make it better to you?”

Gob laughed. “You’ve never been to the Bay Area, have you?” Gob asked. Tony shook his head. “Yeah, it’s cold up there. Not New York cold, but it’s not sunny. A guy at the school said that ‘San Francisco Summer’ is in, like, September for a couple of weeks, but then it’s sweater weather year-round. And then there’s not even snow , so, like, what’s the point? At least snow sounds pretty to look at.”

Tony raised his eyebrows. “Wait, have you never seen snow?”

“No, I saw it once when we went to Aspen to ski. But it wasn’t falling. I’ve never seen snowflakes in person.” He shrugged and smiled a little. “They sound pretty.”

“Yeah. They are,” Tony said, sighing wistfully. “Especially in New York City during Christmas, when the lights are up…”

Okay, mentioning Christmas was just unfair; Gob had such a weakness for Christmas and Tony knew that. “I bet,” Gob said, sighing wistfully himself.

Tony smiled dreamily for a moment before getting back to business. “Well, fine, besides the weather, how was it?”

“It’s kinda dirty. Like the city…and the school,” Gob said. “Some parts. It’s only, like, 49 square miles, so the neighborhoods change fast . I did a bus tour and it was crazy to see all the neighborhoods. They even have a Chinatown and Little Italy there, too—but the Italy place had, like, a ton of strip clubs and stuff.”

Tony laughed. “Not really like the Italians I’m related to, but okay.”

“But I checked out some other places, too. I just went walking one day and tried to see more of the city. Like Haight-Ashbury—did you know that’s where, like, all the hippies went?”

“I did in fact, yes,” Tony said.

Gob rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Whatever, smartass. I went there and I went to the bridge on that tour. Japantown…the Castro…” Gob looked over at Tony out of the corner of his eyes, wondering what his reaction would be to that. But either Tony had never heard of it or he didn’t think it was a big deal, because he didn’t have any weird look on his face.

“Sounds like fun,” Tony said. “How was the school? Do you have a favorite yet?”

Gob pulled into the Wunderlich’s driveway and parked. “I’m not sure which one I like best…” He knew he liked Manhattan School of Music the least, but he didn’t want to rule that one out. If that was the only one he got in, at least of the New York ones, he would still go there. “The teacher I met at San Francisco was my favorite, but I think I liked the atmosphere of Juilliard the most.”

They got out of the car and Tony shook his head. “It’s still so insane how you can just make comments like that. Like, my best friend the piano star? That’s insane, man.”

Thankfully, before Tony could say anything about wanting to hear him play or before Gob could make an idiot of himself somehow, they opened the door and Angie called out, “Tony? Is that you?!”

“Yeah, me and Gob,” he called back.

Suddenly there was the sound of footsteps rushing out from the living room and Angie and Chiara were running around the corner. Both of them had never looked more related than they did in that moment with matching smiles on their faces.

“Woah,” Tony said, looking them over. “What’s up?”

“You got some mail today,” Angie said, bouncing on her toes.

“…So?”

“From NYU.”

Tony’s eyes widened. “What? Can I—where is it?”

The two sisters led them into the kitchen and handed him an envelope from the kitchen counter. “It’s thick,” Tony said.

“That’s a good sign,” Chiara said excitedly. That was, after all, why they had been waiting for their little brother all day.

“Thick is always a good thing. Believe me,” Angie said, throwing a wink at Gob. Chiara rolled her eyes and hit Angela’s arm.

“Come on, open it, Tony,” Chiara said. The two girls and Gob watched with bated breath as Tony slowly opened the envelope and took out the front page. His eyes scanned the page quickly, his face unreadable.

Finally, he looked up and his face burst into a grin. “I got in!”

There was so much jumping and screaming that Gob truly couldn’t follow what was happening. But he knew at one point, Tony jumped onto him and held him tight and Gob held him back just as tight, his smile so wide he thought his face was going to split into two.

“This is so exciting!” Angie squealed.

“We have to call ma and dad!” Chiara said excitedly.

“And all the aunts!”

“And make sure the kids know!”

“And the cousins!”

As the two of them kept listing off everyone they needed to tell, Tony finally pulled off of Gob. When Gob finally realized Tony was done with the hug, he quickly dropped his arms, the two of them still beaming at each other. “Hey, we’re halfway there!”

Gob raised his eyebrows. “Livin’ on a prayer?”

Tony laughed. “God, you’re cute.” Gob didn’t think he could smile more than he was already. “I mean, half of us are on the way to New York. That’s so close!”

“Yeah. Really close.”

“And maybe when we’re there and you’re off being fancy at Juilliard or whatever, I’ll finally get to hear you play, huh?” Tony asked, lightly nudging him. Apparently, he hadn’t forgotten their conversation. “If we’re living together you won’t be able to escape me hearing you.”

“I mean, I normally practice with headphones. And they have practice rooms there for that reason.”

Tony sighed. “Just let me have this one.” He looked over at the phone where Chiara was busy dialing the bakery. “Oh, hey, I wanna call Sally to let her know, too.”

“I think telling ma is more important,” Chiara said.

“I’m just saying she needs to be on the list of people to tell!” He rolled his eyes and looked back at Gob, soon raising his eyebrows as he took in Gob’s expression. “Are you okay?”

No. He wasn’t okay. Gob honestly felt like he was going to be sick at the thought of Sally being involved in the phone calls. But when Tony looked at him like that, what was he supposed to say?

“I’m fine. Just hungry,” Gob said, grabbing a banana off the counter. Chiara called Tony over to talk to their mom, so at least he couldn’t question Gob’s hunger or whatever. As Tony talked on the phone, Gob slowly peeled the banana and, as usual with bananas, took way too much than what was appropriate into his mouth at once, his eyes still on Tony as he did so.

“Having fun there?”

Gob nearly started choking in surprise, but thankfully he managed to pull out the banana before it really went down his windpipe. “Ange! Try to warn a person!” He said, rubbing his throat.

“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were literally deep throating fruit in our kitchen,” Angela said dryly. “It’s rather impressive, though; I’m not sure I could take that much. Just clench your fist next time; it’s supposed to stop you from gagging.” She smirked before saying, “You know, just in case you’re doing that on something more valuable than fruit.”

Gob turned red and tried to stutter out a response, but Angela just grabbed a banana herself and said, “Things are so exciting lately, huh? Tony getting into college, Michael getting a girlfriend, Lite-Brite getting engaged—”

“Don’t call me that,” Chiara said with a roll of her eyes. She had also come back at the counter, Tony still excitedly talking to his parents on the phone.

“Aw, but you’re our Chiara Lucia!” Angela teased, pronouncing her name in an exaggerated Italian accent. “Literally our ‘Bright Light’! Hence, our Lite-Brite. What’s wrong with being called one of the best toys on the market?”

“I know the reasoning; it’s been the reasoning for the nickname since before you could talk, Angela Benita Wunderlich.”

“What do you prefer? Lite-Brite or Kiki?” Angela asked, peeling her banana with a smirk.

“I prefer Chiara,” she said.

“You’re no fun,” Angela said with a sigh. She took a bite of banana and looked over at Tony, who was hanging up the phone with a smile.

“I’m gonna call Sally real quick,” he said. Gob felt his stomach turn again as he noticed that Tony didn’t even have to look at anything to reference her number; he clearly had it memorized.

“I’m gonna start my homework,” Gob muttered before quickly taking a bite of about half of the banana.

He sat down at the kitchen table and pulled out his music theory textbook and notebook. The two girls followed him over, apparently wanting to give Tony privacy while he called his girlfriend.

“Have you heard back from any schools yet?” Chiara asked.

“No,” Gob said. “I just finished my auditions this weekend, though.”

“Oh, yes, Tony said that. San Francisco, right?” Gob nodded.

“San Francisco sounds like so much fun,” Angela said wistfully. “I honestly thought Tony should’ve looked into that city, since that’s where, like, everyone like him ends up, right?” Chiara coughed and gave her a wide-eyed look, jerking her head towards Gob. Angela laughed, “Relax, Lite-Brite; Gobie here knows. Tony told me so.”

“Uh-huh,” Gob said, his eyes concentrating on his textbook though he wasn’t reading any of it, not really.

“I’m glad you took it so well,” Angie said. She glanced over at Tony before looking back at Gob. Keeping her voice low, she said, “Ma and dad are still a little weird about it; I think having another person who knows is good for him. I kept trying to tell him to tell you, but you know our ‘Tonio; he’s as stubborn as an ass.”

Gob had no idea what those two things had to do with each other, but he really didn’t want to think about Tony and asses in the same sentence.

"You mean stubborn as a mule," Chiara corrected.

"Potato, patato." Angela shrugged. "It's still cool of you."

“Yeah, well…he’s my best friend,” Gob said quietly. He opened up his assignment, purposefully focusing his gaze on the paper and refusing to look up.

Possibly sensing his discomfort, Chiara asked, “What class is that for?”

“AP Music Theory.”

“Fancy.” She looked over the book from across the table, trying to read it upside down. “Applied chords?”

“Yeah,” Gob said. Eager for the change in subject, and honestly eager because he liked said subject, Gob explained, “Sometimes composers won’t modulate to a key, but they’ll tonicize it—like, sort of implying they’re in a new key for a little bit, normally just for a couple of measures. So, like, C major might start emphasizing A minor, since that’s the relative minor—they have the same key signature. Or it might do F major, since that’s one-flat away from C, so it’s a closely related key—same with D minor, since that’s the relative minor of F. And the other two options are usually E minor and G major, which are both one sharp away from C. Plus G is the fifth of the scale, which is a really important scale degree. It’s called the dominant—”

“Oo la-la,” Angela giggled with raised eyebrows. Chiara hit her arm, but Gob laughed a little with her.

“Yeah, it’s kinda funny.”

“Sorry, that was about the only word you said that I understood,” Angela said with a small laugh. “Despite our nonno making violins for a living, I never really learned any of this stuff.”

Chiara nodded. “It’s really impressive.”

“Yeah. I bet you play even better when you know this stuff.”

“You’d think,” Tony said, apparently done with his phone call. He sat down next to Gob and told his sisters, “I wouldn’t know, though, since someone has refused to play any of his classical stuff for me.”

“What?” Chiara asked, raising her eyebrows. “Why?”

“Most people don’t like this stuff, that's all,” Gob said in his defense.

“It’s just a little odd that you’ve done all these auditions but won’t play for me,” Tony pointed out.

“Yeah, it’s really weird,” Angela confirmed.

“I’m not—” Gob cut himself off before he could work himself up. He wasn’t weird. Tony was the weird one, always wanting to hear him play so badly. Tony didn’t even seem to care about classical music at all, so why did he make such a big deal about it?

But him making a big deal out of Tony making it a big deal was probably weird, too, right?

Gob sighed. “Fine. Not this Sunday but the Sunday after, right before spring break. My piano teacher’s hosting a recital for the whole studio. I’m not playing all my audition stuff because it’s, like, almost an hour all together, but I’m closing the night with a few of them. You can come to that.” After a moment, he told Chiara and Angela, “I guess you two can come, too. If you want. Whoever in your family wants to. It's gonna be long and boring and you have to sit through everyone else to hear me, but if you really wanna come, you can.” After a moment he said, "Just be nice about the punch and store-bought cookies she serves afterwards."

“Really? You mean it?”

"That she uses store-bought cookies? Yeah. Not everyone's from a family of bakers."

Tony rolled his eyes. "No. You mean I can come see it? We can all come?" Gob nodded and Tony’s face split into a grin. “Awesome! I can’t wait to hear you.”

Even if Tony ended up making fun of it like most of his family did, Gob thought it was worth it to see that smile.

…God, he sounded pathetic.

Gob never got nervous for performances. Like, ever. He got excited and maybe he’d feel the smallest bit of nerves right before he got onstage, but he never really got scared. He knew he was good and he was confident about his abilities.

But ever since he told Tony he could come to the recital, that anyone from his family could, Gob had been a nervous wreck. He found himself practicing as much as he had for his auditions, since he knew Tony would find the whole thing boring and regret going, but hopefully he’d at least appreciate that Gob was good at what he did. Right?

On the day of the recital, Gob showed up early to warm-up in the hall and change into his suit. The studio recitals were never anything too fancy, not really; it was more of a chance for the younger kids to start getting experience and for parents to record their children’s performances, but Gob still enjoyed them. He actually didn’t mind sitting through the little kids’ performances, since he could remember being back where they started.

Though, of course, he liked to think that he had never been as bad as some of them.

Still, Gob watched from backstage with vague interest. He liked hearing some of the pieces he’d done in the past and he enjoyed hearing how some of the kids who had been taking lessons for years had improved. It was all nice.

But then it was his turn. He stood up and rolled his wrists as Miss Griffin made a short announcement. Since, unlike the rest of her students, he was playing multiple pieces, she asked them to save their applause for the end of his set. Gob started to move to go onstage, but, to his surprise, she had some more to say.

“I just want to say…I’ve been teaching this young man since he was four years old. He was one of my first private students and while I never expected to take on a student at such a young age, there was something special there.” Gob raised an eyebrow; she hadn’t said she was going to say anything about him. “And it’s been a joy to watch him grow over the years and become the skilled artist he is today. I know whatever he does next…he’ll do it well.”

Gob could tell by how her voice cracked that she had teared up, and that just made him feel even more like crying himself. He felt almost embarrassed by all the nice things she had to say and as she finally sat down, Gob needed to take some time to collect himself before he finally went on stage.

Just as he had been trained over the fourteen years of lessons and recitals, Gob smiled at the crowd as he walked out. The applause sounded louder than usual, which he just assumed meant they were excited after the speech his teacher had given. When he reached the piano, he bowed properly and then sat himself down. After just a moment of thought, he put his hands on the keys and started his first piece, the first movement of Schubert's Wanderer Fantasy—though he had to actually learn the whole half-hour of it, thank you very much.

After that was over, Gob moved onto his Liszt piece. While he had done cooler, faster, flashier pieces by him, Miss Griffin had convinced him to audition with "Un Sospiro" since it would challenge him more and show off a greater range than doing another big, virtuosic piece.

…It was really pretty and still showed off a lot of technical skill, so Gob still liked it, bombastic or not. 

After playing his third piece, which happened to be one of his favorite pieces, Chopin’s Étude Op. 25, No. 11 AKA “Winter Wind”, he took one bow and then, due to all the clapping, he took a second one before going off stage with a large smile.

The first person Gob ran into after the recital was Miss Griffin. She managed to grab him right after he got off the stage and she pulled him in for a hug that was so warm and tight that Gob had to close his eyes to stop himself from crying. If Tony really had shown up, Gob couldn’t let him see him actually cry on top of all of the piano playing.

“You made me so proud up there,” she told him.

Okay, maybe he could cry if he just took a second to compose himself before he saw Tony.

After her husband took a picture of the two of them together, Gob went to the restroom and splashed some water on his face to calm himself down. He knew he had to face his mom and siblings at the reception Miss Griffin put together, but he was sure his dad had found some way out of coming to the show. Tony was supposedly there, too. He could handle that. He totally wasn’t gonna be all weird about it. Because there was nothing weird about him. Even his piano skills. He was perfectly normal.

Finally, Gob stepped out of the restroom and started to walk down the hallway of the auditorium towards the reception area. It was so quiet that the sound of his shoes echoed slightly every time they hit the floor.

That was why the amount of noise coming from the reception area seemed like too much at first. But then he walked in and, before he knew what was happening, he heard a familiar voice yell out, “Gobie!” Soon two figures of a similar size were running towards him, both of them wrapping their arms around his waist.

“Pip?” Gob asked. “Michael?” He looked at Tony’s twin siblings and frowned. “What? I—what?”

“We came to see you play! You were so good!” Pip said excitedly. “Mikey and I wanna take lessons now! If it took you fourteen years, we have to start now!” Michael, as usual, said nothing but nodded in agreement with a smile.

“I—that’s a great idea, Pipsqueak. But who do you mean by ‘we’ came to see me?” Gob asked.

“All of us!” 

Gob looked around the room and, while they were all spread around, Gob could see every member of the Wunderlich family interspersed with the other audience members. And, soon enough, Pip and Michael’s parents made their way over.

“Gob!” Giulia said, throwing her arms around him. “You sounded amazing up there! I had no idea you could do that! No wonder you auditioned at all those schools, oh!” She gave him a kiss on both cheeks.

“I…thank you,” Gob said, already feeling a bit overwhelmed. Not only had his teacher made him emotional, but now Tony’s parents had come out? “But, I…the bakery? Is no one watching it?”

Big D shrugged. “We figured we could close early for something so special.”  He pulled Gob into a hug, and it just didn't make sense. His own father would purposefully work in order to miss his lessons, let alone his recitals, but Tony's dad would actually close down the bakery just to see him play three songs in a program that ran for over an hour?

Gob had to close his eyes tightly shut to avoid crying yet again. 

He eventually greeted everyone: his own siblings and his mother, who always smiled so proudly whenever he played, no matter what it was; Lizzie and Daniel, who both congratulated him and told him he did amazing, even if they both made a few cracks at the quality of the store-bought cookies; Chiara, who gave him a hug as warm as her mom’s had been; and Angie, who, while she congratulated him and said he did amazing, also playfully flirted with him by offering to help him practice his fingering. He knew to take that as the utmost compliment from her.

But, finally, he made his way over to Tony, who had been watching everything unfold from the sidelines. Gob approached him with trepidation. Despite how nice everyone else had been, he was sure Tony would tell him it was lame or something.

“Hey,” Gob said. “So…I told you these things were long and kinda boring.”

Tony laughed under his breath. “Gob, that was…” Tony shook his head, “I don’t even know, I…” Tony shook his head slightly before looking up at Gob with complete sincerity. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?”

Gob raised his eyebrow, intrigued. “In a good or bad way?”

“A good way. A really good way. That was…amazing ,” Tony said softly. “I…you play…” He let out the smallest air of laughter. “Why were you afraid to show me you could play like that?”

Gob shrugged a little. “I don’t know…my mom and piano teacher are like the only ones who ever really care about it. Everyone else thinks it’s …lame.” He looked over at where his family was and said, “My dad didn’t even bother to show up.”

“Well, your dad’s a dick and he doesn’t understand how talented you are,” Tony said. “Seriously, that was incredible . And that piece, that last one? The, uh, Choppin’?”

“Chopin," Gob corrected, providing the correct nasal ending.

“Wow, getting all French on me?”

“He was Polish. Everyone just uses the French pronunciation.”

Tony shook his head in amazement. “Incredible. I…” He laughed again. “God, I really didn’t know what to expect. I knew you had to be good, but this? I…if you don’t get into every school, then there’s something wrong with this world.”

Without any warning, he wrapped his arms around Gob in a hug. And, even after Daniel showing him all that fatherly love, even after his mom actually smiling at him, even after all the Wunderlich's kind words, and even after Miss Griffin saying the nicest things anyone had ever said about him, nothing felt better than his best friend hugging him so tight it hurt.

If anyone noticed he started crying again, they knew better than to say it.

Tony and Gob spent the whole next day together to celebrate the first day of spring break. They did all the usual stuff, but Tony also managed to convince Gob to play another piece or two for him on piano. Seeing how much Tony liked it made him kinda wish he had invited him to a recital sooner, or at least just played for him in the comfort of his own home.

Since Tony was spending the night, they decided to put on a movie as it started to get dark. “You make the popcorn and get some drinks and I’ll choose the movie?” Tony suggested.

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Gob agreed.

After a few minutes, Gob was back up in his room with a bowl of popcorn and a six pack of beer—hey, his parents gave him free access to the alcohol cabinet, after all, and it was spring break—and Tony had a movie loaded into the VHS.

“What did you pick?” Gob asked as he settled onto his bed and popped some popcorn into his mouth.

“Your favorite,” Tony said, “Dirty Dancing.”

"Fuck yeah," Gob said, thinking nothing of it when he pressed play on his VCR remote.

Dirty Dancing was one of Gob’s all-time favorites; despite the fact that it had only come out a year and a half ago, he had watched it dozens of times if not more. He often found himself mouthing the dialogue whenever he watched it, and even though he had seen it countless of times, he never took his eyes off the screen.

Well, normally he did that. But that night all he could think about was Tony.

To be fair, he always thought about Tony whenever he watched Dirty Dancing. They saw it when it first opened, since Swayze was one of Gob’s favorite actors and had been ever since he saw The Outsiders way back when he was thirteen. He could remember seeing it with Tony and Angela in its opening week, since Angela wanted to see it so badly. He loved it so much he saw it again with Tony, Michael, and Lindsay the next weekend, since Lindsay had wanted to see it just as badly as Angela did; there seemed to be something about girls really wanting to see it. Then he went a third time with just Tony the weekend after that. It was only then that Gob finally followed the plot with the abortion and everything, because he had been so distracted by the eye candy and, well, dirty dancing of it all the first two times. And Tony knew he loved it so much that he was the one who got him the VHS, and Tony loved it so much that he had watched it alongside Gob during 90% of Gob's rewatches. So, yeah, he associated Tony with the movie.

But this was different. He wasn't thinking about Tony in relation to the film or thinking about how the two of them could quote things like "I carried a watermelon" in time with the movie. All he could think about was how he and Tony were in his bed together, how their legs were pressed together, how their hands occasionally brushed against each other’s as they went for popcorn, how Tony laughed at Baby’s sister’s antics in the most melodic laugh he had ever heard.

How had he never noticed how nice Tony's laugh was?

It only got worse as it went on. See, part of why Gob loved Dirty Dancing was because it was sexy. Yeah, he could be a bit oblivious, but he knew that it was a hot as fuck movie. Like, even pornos couldn't beat how steamy that movie was. There wasn't any boobs or anything, but it was still fucking hot. And he had always just assumed his reactions were normal, since, again, he wasn't weird or anything. He had assumed they were all a side effect of Baby learning how to dance or some of the other hot chicks grinding against guys. But when Patrick Swayze and that blonde chick showed up at the worker's dance party, Gob realized his eyes were glued to Patrick Swayze with his halfway unbuttoned shirt in a way all too similar to how Baby was staring at him. And when he started teaching Baby how to move her hips by moving his own? Jesus, he had always thought he wanted to be Johnny Castle, but at that moment, he thought he maybe kinda wanted to be Baby instead.

What the fuck had Tony done to him? He had never noticed any of those things until Tony had to come out to him and fuck it was a lot to handle.

Gob finished chugging his beer and opened another one. 

Thankfully, while there were some nice shots of Swayze's biceps and a couple of his hips, they were in the clear for a while. Until, of course, the best movie montage of all time started: "Hungry Eyes". He had yet another realization that part of what was so hot to him wasn't when the girls were dancing together, but was the shot of a sweaty Patrick Swayze in the background. Gob bit his lip when they went from the shot of Baby's hips to Johnny shirtless—it was all too much, and he felt like the silence between him and Tony was incriminating at this point. He had to say something, right? Right??

“…It’s gotta be fun watching this movie when you're bi, huh?” Gob said with an awkward laugh. “It has some equal opportunity eye candy, right?”

God, why had he started talking again?

“Uh, yeah. Ha. I guess it does,” Tony agreed.

“Y-yeah. I mean, Patrick Swayze’s…he’s not too bad. For a guy,” Gob said, awkwardly bringing his bottle to his lips to stop himself from fucking talking .

“I guess that’s why he’s you know. Popular and everything,” Tony agreed. He gave Gob a grin and said, "Baby's not too bad, either, huh?"

"Y-yeah," Gob said with all the mock bravado he could muster. "So hot."

It only got worse as the movie got sexier and sexier. It felt like only seconds later that they were in the cabin scene where Baby and Johnny admitted their feelings for each other before letting their bodies do the talking. Gob licked over his dry lips as he watched; that scene alone explained why Gob had to jerk himself off the first time he watched the movie alone. And the second. And maybe the third and fourth time, too.

He leaned forward, honestly a little afraid he was going to get hard watching as the scene kept going, the sexual tension from their intimate touches growing. His breath caught in his throat as Baby circled around Johnny, pressing a kiss to his bare back, her hand running over his ass as she ended back up in front of him. The scene had always been hot to Gob before, and he had always assumed it had been because of Baby. But he realized then how he couldn't take his eyes off of Johnny's muscles the whole scene, how each frame he was in lit a spark in him, how he felt a pang of arousal with every thrust and sway of his hips—god he had good control over his hips. 

Gob finished off his second beer and then chugged about half of the third one as quickly as he could.

Somehow, however, Gob managed to make it through the movie. They got through all of it without Gob saying anything dumb again or his cock getting hard, and they finally made it to the final dance scene. And that was more cute and romantic than sexy, right?

Well, you know, except for those close-up shots of Patrick Swayze glistening with sweat. Gob's breath stuttered a bit. Gob glanced over at Tony from the corner of his eye to see if he noticed, only to see that his friend was completely immersed in the film. Gob smiled as he watched Tony mouth the words to the final song and grin like an idiot when Baby and Johnny executed the lift perfectly. 

Gob made himself look away from him again as the movie wrapped up and he finished his third beer. He smiled himself when Johnny mouthed the words of the song to Baby. He tilted his head a little as he watched the look on her face. It was a look full of love, and maybe some fear. Fear of losing him, fear of what their future held, fear of how much she felt for him, Gob wasn't sure. But he knew he was feeling all of those things right then and there for the person sitting right next to him.

Gob looked back over at Tony. Once the movie ended and the credits started, Tony finally said, "God. I love that movie." He looked back over at Gob, his smile slowly dropping as he saw the look in his friend's eyes. There was something unreadable in them, something that made him feel a little nervous.

"…Gob?" 

And Gob realized that he needed to do something, anything. Maybe Tony didn't feel the same way, maybe this would ruin everything, but Gob knew if he didn't do something now, he'd regret it. So, throwing caution to the wind, Gob leaned forward and pressed his lips to Tony's.

And it was electric.

Their lips had barely brushed against each other's for a few seconds before Gob pulled away, his heart pounding in his chest. He pulled back just a few inches, his eyelids heavy as he scanned over Tony's face. Slowly, the corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly. His hand went to cup Tony's cheek, Tony apparently too stunned to do anything but look back. "She was right," Gob whispered. Not clarifying who he meant, he continued, "The facial hair does tickle."

With no warning, Gob brought his lips to Tony's yet again. He pressed his lips firmly against his that time and, just a second later, Tony was kissing him back just as hard. Gob slid the hand that had been on Tony's cheek up to his hair, grabbing at it while his other hand snaked behind Tony's neck, his arms pulling him closer as Tony's hands made their way to his sides. Soon they were pressed right up against each other, or at least as much as they could be in their current position, Tony's tongue soon licking its way into Gob's mouth. 

Gob couldn’t believe everything he was feeling. He had always enjoyed kissing, sure, but this…this was a whole different level. The little scratch from Tony’s facial hair, the way his chest pressed so tightly against his, the force behind his lips—all these things Gob had never gotten from girls, all these things Gob turned out to love, want, need.

Apparently, Tony seemed to feel the same, and he took it a step further, moving to straddle Gob’s lap, his lips barely breaking away from Gob’s as he did so. Gob wrapped his arms firmly around Tony's shoulders, trying to pull him in impossibly tighter until, before he knew it, he was falling onto his back, Tony on top of him.

They finally pulled away to catch their breath, Tony’s upper body leaning over Gob’s, one of his hands pressing on Gob’s shoulder. Gob couldn’t say why , but he felt some thrill run through him at seeing Tony on top of him, something that made him pull Tony’s mouth down for another kiss as his hips rolled up—

Oh.

Both of them moaned at the sensation. Gob, someone who had proudly not been a virgin for nearly four years at that point, was almost fully hard from that roll alone. He rolled his hips again, and again, and again, so consumed by the kissing and the touching and, fuck, when did Tony’s hand sneak down to his ass and why did he love that squeeze so much, and why was even the smell of Tony's hair gel intoxicating—

“Wait, Gob, I—” Tony pulled away and Gob sluggishly blinked his eyes open. What? Why did he do that? Why’d he stop?

“What? I— why?” Gob softly whined, too confused and turned on to raise his voice.

“Gob, I can’t . I have a girlfriend—I’m dating Sally—”

“Shhh, shhh,” Gob whispered without thought, bringing Tony’s head back down. “It’s okay, Tony—she doesn’t have to know.”

“…She doesn’t?” Tony whispered, his mind a bit distracted by how Gob's fingers were running through his hair.

“Mhmmm,” Gob hummed. “Sally doesn’t have to know." He pressed a kiss to Tony's lips ever so lightly. "Eve doesn’t have to know…" Gob kissed him again, feeling Tony's resistance fading. "No one does.” He started peppering kisses along Tony’s jaw, sure that the matter was resolved now. Once he reached Tony’s ear, he whispered, “It can be our little secret.” He used his teeth to lightly tug at Tony's ear, Tony shuddering at the contact. 

When Gob pressed his lips back to Tony’s, Tony kissed back for a moment, his resolve melting at how Gob nibbled at his lower lip. But, somehow, he managed to remember himself before he got carried away again, and he pulled himself away forcefully.

“No.”

Gob looked up at him, very confused. “What?”

“I said no,” Tony repeated, looking… angry? Before Gob could even question him, his best friend had rolled off of him and stood up next to his bed.

“I—but—what—why—”

“I’m not some sort of experiment, Gob,” Tony said, angrily putting his shoes back on. “I’m not some secret, I—I’m not one of those girls you hook-up with. I’m not just going to be another notch on your bedpost or whatever!”

“But…I…you aren’t—I don’t even have notches in there! It’s all smooth!” Gob said, looking at his bedpost to make sure he hadn’t made that up but, nope, it was just smooth, polished wood.

Tony brought his hands to his face and made a noise of frustration. When he lowered them, he told Gob, “You know, normally that sort of shit is ridiculously cute coming from you, but right now…”

Gob sat up, smiling a little when he realized Tony called him cute. But then Tony was packing up his bag and Gob’s eyes widened in concern and confusion yet again. “Tony, please don’t go—I’m sorry, I don’t know what—”

“Gob, I need to go,” Tony said tightly. His tone was so intense Gob stopped trying to interrupt him, his eyes widening even more. “Gob…” Tony’s jaw tensed as he took some breaths to try to collect himself. “Gob…I don’t want to be your experiment or shameful secret or anything. I don’t want—not with you. With you, I always thought—always hoped it’d be…” Tony looked down at his feet, his face downcast in a way that tugged at Gob’s heart.

“Tony…”

“I need to go,” Tony said suddenly. He looked back up at Gob and said, “Just…forget this happened, okay? You have Eve and I have Sally and—”

“God, is that what this is about? Fucking Sally fucking Sitwell?” Gob exclaimed.

“I’m dating her, Gob. And I’m not going to cheat on her—”

“God, you deserve so much better than her, Tony! Why don’t you get that?”

“What are you even talking about? Sally’s great. She’s funny and smart and pretty—”

“And totally wrong for you!” Gob insisted. Not thinking at all about what he was saying due to how overwhelming the night had been, Gob ended up saying, “God, it’s why I’ve been trying to break you two up since you’ve gotten together!”

A heavy silence fell after Gob said that. His eyes widened as he realized what he said, panic running through his system as Tony stared at him in disbelief— angry disbelief.

“…What did you say?” Tony finally asked, his voice quiet in a way that made more fear and panic run through Gob’s body.

“I…nothing, I didn’t say—”

“No. You said—tell me what you said,” Tony said, his voice still unnervingly quiet. Gob looked away, unable to make himself speak as Tony kept staring at him. Finally, Tony just shook his head, letting out a quiet, humorless laugh in shock.

“You’ve been…you’ve been trying to break up the only relationship I’ve ever had?” Tony asked, his voice shaking slightly. “Trying to ruin one of the best things that has happened to me since I moved to this…this stupid town? You’ve been trying to fuck up something that made me so happy? Why? ” Gob still wasn’t looking at him and Tony soon shook his head again.

“God. You know…you know I always knew you were an asshole. I’ve seen you do some horrible, terrible things—straight up lie to girls to get laid and needlessly torture Buster and all the illegal shit you’ve done. But I always thought that deep down…deep down you were a good guy. That you were better than your parents. That you had limits, and a big heart that would stop you from crossing the line at some point,” Tony said, his voice thick with an emotion Gob didn’t like hearing from him. “I thought that you at least had my back. At least you’d never turn on me…and I guess I was wrong.”

Gob finally chanced a look at Tony and almost immediately regretted it. He had never seen Tony look so angry, so upset, so hurt , and it was all because of something he had done. “I…I wasn’t trying to hurt you—I had your back, I did! You and Sally, you guys aren’t right for each other. I was trying to protect you and find you someone suitable, because that person isn’t Sally! She was—she was into Michael and Michael was into her! They belong together; you guys don’t.”

“Michael’s been dating Tracey for how long now?” Tony asked incredulously. “He’s obviously over it, I—” Tony suddenly cut himself off and had a look of dawning realization on his face. His jaw clenched and he suddenly asked, “Is that why you bought him new clothes and got him that haircut and everything? It wasn’t just to hang out with your brother? You were trying— he was trying to sabotage my relationship, too? And Lindsay? You got them all to turn on me?” After a moment he had a pained look as he added, “Was Angie in on this, too?”

“I…I mean, I had needed to help Mikey for a long time, the poor kid was never gonna get some without it, even from that Tracey chick. And they all agreed to help because they know you don’t belong with her—”

“Then who do I belong with, Gob?” Tony asked, his eyes growing redder and wetter by the second. “Who? Because you thought I was meant for Eve and then swooped in on her as soon as I wasn’t single. You made me give up any of the art girls I liked, since you said I didn’t belong with them, either. And I’m sure you don’t think I should be with Sammy either, do you? So, who do I belong with?”

Tony was staring at him, waiting for Gob to make a move, to say something, anything. But Gob’s throat was tight. He barely felt like he could breathe, let alone say anything. And even if he could say anything, what was he supposed to say? He didn’t know the answer, he just knew that no one he knew would ever understand Tony the way he deserved.

“…I’m sorry,” Gob finally whispered.

Tony rolled his eyes up to stop himself from blinking out any tears. “Of course…” After he collected himself, he looked back at Gob. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?"

That time, Gob didn't have to ask; he knew Tony meant that in a bad way.

"I’m going. And…and I don’t want you to call me or pick me up for school or any of that. I just…” Tony shook his head. “I’m done with this. With you. Until you grow up and get over yourself, I’m done.”

As Tony put his bag on his shoulder, Gob pleaded, “Tony, please, I—”

“No,” Tony said firmly. “Like I said, grow up and get over yourself, Bluth…” Tony looked him right in the eyes and said, “Or at least grow a fucking spine.”

Without explaining what he meant by that, Tony left. He left Gob alone. He left just like Gob had been afraid he would do all year.

And being all alone with his thoughts made him realize something. He had really messed up and for the first time in his life, he had no excuse for it. For once, Gob, the king of lies and deceit, couldn’t blame anyone else but himself. There was no more denying it.

He had made a huge mistake.

Chapter Text

Every Now and Then I Fall Apart

After Tony left that night, Gob laid in his bed for the longest time, staring up at the ceiling. He felt miserable, depressed, hopeless—and, god, really fucking horny.

That kiss was…incredible. It was like magic, really, better than any make-out session Gob had ever experienced in his life—and that was truly saying something. His mind kept cycling through all of his emotions, replaying the night he just had, the words Tony had said, how hurt Tony looked, but then he’d remember that kiss and how much he enjoyed Tony on top of him and how his facial hair had tickled in the best way and how great it felt to roll his hips up against his and how he could feel his cock—

Gob whimpered and palmed over himself. Despite how miserable he felt, despite how overwhelmed he was, he really, really needed to get himself off. Between Tony’s kiss and Dirty Dancing, there was no way he was going to make it if he didn’t jerk himself off. And hopefully getting himself off would at least let him fall asleep.

And then another idea hit him. So, yeah, okay, maybe he was into dudes. That much seemed pretty obvious. But that didn’t mean he would actually enjoy sex with guys, right? Like, that part had to hurt, right? The whole…going to Naples thing? There was no way he’d enjoy that. And if he didn’t enjoy that, that meant he wasn’t gay, right? It just meant that he found guys hot and that Tony was good at kissing and he could still be straight.

Well, straight-ish.

Yeah. That sounded right. And he knew just how to prove that.

Gob opened up one of his bedside drawers and pulled out his bottle of lube—hey, sometimes girls needed a bit of help and he was a gentleman. He poured some out on his hand and, after searching for the best position to do so, he brought his hand between his legs and put his talented fingers to use.

Oh?

Oh??

…Oh.

Okay, so maybe he would enjoy sex with guys. Like enjoy it so much he’d consider buying a ticket to Naples or maybe just getting a fucking house there to live in full time. Jesus Christ, okay, that was…okay. Wow.

When he slipped his fingers out of himself and got under his blankets, things really started to hit him all over again. He had feelings for Tony, he was attracted to Tony, he wanted to be with Tony, and he had blown it all by opening his big, fat, dumb mouth. And he didn’t even open it in a gay way—

He really needed to stop thinking like that because he really didn’t want to try and fail some test to figure out if he liked sucking dick, too.

Gob groaned and curled in on himself, closing his eyes tightly. Despite his amazing orgasm, he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep for a long time.

When Gob got downstairs the next Monday at breakfast, Michael pointed out, “You’re late. We need to hurry if we’re going to get Tony for school.”

Gob’s face turned stony. “We’re not getting him,” Gob said, grabbing his car keys.

Michael and Lindsay shared a look. That was not a good sign. “Is he sick or something?”

Sick of me, Gob thought. “No. We’re just not picking him up.”

“Why not?”

“We’re just not, okay?” Gob replied angrily. “You two can decide who gets shotgun.”

Soon they were settled in the car, Lindsay in the front seat and Michael in the back. Lindsay eagerly picked the radio station, very much enjoying having that power for once. She actually enjoyed her brother’s taste in music, but having control of the volume was nice. And Michael definitely appreciated having more space in the backseat for his own. That was very nice.

But, despite their enjoyment of the new seating arrangement, both Lindsay and Michael felt a bit wrong about it all. Gob was obviously miserable and upset, and seeing him without Tony was honestly weird at this point. It was hard to remember a time that Tony wasn’t constantly at his side. He honestly looked less cocky and confident as he walked into the school building, the school he basically owned. Lindsay and Michael exchanged looks at their brother’s slumped shoulders, but Gob walked away before they could try to say anything.

As usual, Gob headed towards his locker once he was inside. He didn’t really pay attention in his classes, of course, but he liked to at least pretend by bringing his books with him. But Gob stopped in his tracks on his way to his locker. Tony was at his own neighboring locker, pulling out the textbooks he needed for his next classes. Gob swallowed roughly before continuing on to his own locker, very much aware that Tony froze in place when he felt Gob come by.

After opening his locker, Gob chanced a small, “Hey.”

After a long silence, Tony nodded, his first movement since Gob had walked over, but he still didn’t look at him. “Hey.”

“…Ready for our last quarter?”

“Sure.”

Gob definitely noticed that Tony didn’t ask him the same question back.

“…Did you hear back from any other schools?”

“Nope.”

“…Did you do anything fun over break?”

“Nothing you’d consider fun, seeing as I didn’t try to break up a perfectly happy couple,” Tony said bitterly. He slammed his locker door and walked away without even glancing at his best friend.

Or maybe the better term was former best friend.

Fuck.

The day only got worse from there. Each class dragged by slowly, and when he finally got to lunch, Gob sat with some of his other friends—well, “friends”, since he barely knew them and they barely knew him outside of being the host of some legendary parties—and Eve, all the while very aware that Tony was sitting with Sally and looking much happier than Gob felt.

The second half of the day was much worse. Gob could barely pay attention in his theory class, one of the only classes he was actually interested in, all the scales and notes swirling around in his head as they practiced dictating melodies for the upcoming AP test. By the time he got to Spanish, the one class he shared with Tony, he wanted to cry the whole time as Tony made it clear that he was still going to ignore Gob. And, just to top it all off, he got home to find a rejection from NYU.

He should’ve known. It was, after all, the perfect school for Tony and therefore it would also have reason to completely hate him.

Gob threw the letter away and went up to his room. After putting in the perfect mood music for the worst day of his life, Gob collapsed face forward onto his bed, intending on staying there until he was forced out.

Lindsay listened closely to the song her brother was playing in his bedroom, her ear pressed against the door. As she heard Bonnie Tyler’s voice sing a lower note than she was used to hearing on a certain word, she winced. “He’s on the extended, original version,” she told Michael.

Michael frowned in concern, his hands on his hips. “That’s not a good sign,” he muttered.

“No duh,” Lindsay replied with a scoff. Even though she sounded vaguely haughty, she soon pulled her ear from the door and bit her lip, her brow furrowed.

The two of them had no idea what had happened. All they knew was that Tony was supposed to spend the night the Monday of spring break, but he had been gone by the time the two of them had woken up the next day. And while Gob hadn't been around much over break, they honestly hadn't noticed. Michael was working extra shifts at the banana stand to help save up for dates and Lindsay had been enjoying the sun and the beach and the mall. They hadn’t realized there had been a fight, and apparently a bad one, not until Gob said they weren't going to pick up Tony.

That Monday, they had gotten home to Gob blasting Queen, his usual go-to for bad days (and good days and okay days), and he only left his room that night for dinner. The day after that, he immediately went to his room after school and started playing Springsteen, and if he found any food for dinner, he definitely didn’t do it when either of them were looking. The next day was more or less the same, but he had resorted to Simon and Garfunkel. Now he had moved on to playing pop ballads which, yeah, he liked because Gob had great taste in music, but they weren’t really songs that he usually blasted from his room.

And it wasn’t like they hadn’t tried talking to him. They had! But he kept insisting he was fine or they’d try to go in his room and he’d tell them to leave him alone. They were pretty sure he was still angry about the whole thing with them ditching his plan or whatever.

“This is really, really bad,” Lindsay said.

Michael nodded. “Do you think it was a…” Michael lowered his voice to a whisper, “gay thing?”

“Probably,” Lindsay said, shrugging a little. She didn’t really know either way, of course, but it looked that way to her. “Well, we’ll figure out how bad this really is tonight.” She looked over at Michael and, at his blank look said, “You know what today is, right?”

“Thursday?”

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “I didn't mean like that. I meant that it’s Dynasty night.” She looked back at Gob’s closed door. “If he doesn’t come down for that, then we’re in real trouble.”

Michael’s eyes widened at the possibility. He didn’t want to imagine a world where Gob turned down Dynasty.

Thankfully, Gob did make it down for his usual Dynasty watch with his mother. After all, she brought out the best liquor for that, and he always took advantage of that. But he still didn’t enjoy it. Every time Sammy Jo showed up on screen, he thought about Tony and how, after imagining Tony with some Heather Locklear look alike for months, he had really been with a guy. It still blew his mind. And it blew his mind that he hadn’t realized thinking about his best friend with a girl as much as he had the whole year was very weird of him.

Very gay of him.

But there was no way he was gay, right? Gob slept with girls. He slept with all the girls, definitely more girls than Tony had been with. How could Tony even claim to be bi when the only girl he had ever fucked was Sally Sitwell? That barely counted—she was basically a total surfboard anyways!

But whatever. Maybe all of his feelings were in a bi way, right? Yeah, that kiss with Tony had blown every single kiss he had ever shared with any girl out of the fucking water, but that may have just been because he was Tony, right? Not like…because he was gay or anything.

Maybe he could be bi. Then he could at least still date a girl.

…Oh, yeah, and wasn’t he dating a girl? Like, he totally had a girlfriend.

Gob thoughtfully had a sip of his martini as a plan formed in his head. Obviously his last plan was bad, but this one, © 1989 The Plan, was a good plan. The best plan. A genius plan.

“Guess who?” Gob whispered in Eve’s ear, his hands over her eyes.

“Hmm, Gob?”

“Oh, good guess,” Gob teased, moving his hands down from her eyes so she could turn around. She smiled at him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before taking one of Gob’s hands in hers.

It was nice to see him smiling. She had definitely noticed how Gob’s mood had been pretty lackluster as of late and she was worried about him. She didn’t know the specifics of what had caused his bad mood, but she obviously knew the source of the problem had to do with Tony.

Everyone knew there was something up with that. Gob and Tony were always together and then, suddenly, they weren’t even talking. There were definitely some whispers going on, everyone curious as to what had happened between the two of them. And Eve, who had eaten lunch with Gob every day that week, had definitely noticed his mood was low.

Now, however, he was being playful and flirty and acting like his usual self. She wasn’t sure she quite believed he was completely better, especially since she had no idea if whatever fight he and Tony had was mended, but she was pretty sure asking about it wouldn’t help anyone.

“What’s up?” Eve asked instead.

“Nothing much,” Gob said, his charming, crooked smile on at full power. “I was just thinking—and I don’t want to pressure you or anything,” he said, sounding completely sincere, “but my parents are going out to some business party tomorrow night.” She nodded and he continued, “And Michael just got his driver’s license. So, I was thinking I could send the kids out, get some candles…” He gently cupped her cheek, even as his mind filled in the obvious about how the last face he had cupped like that had been Tony’s. “And we could have a nice, quiet night to ourselves.” His smile turned slightly devilish as he added, “Or maybe it won’t be so quiet.”

Eve nervously played with the gold T on her necklace. “That is tempting…"

“I just want to make sure our first time is special,” Gob said. “And I’m sure you were imagining something like prom night, because, let’s face it, we’re going to win King and Queen.” That was true. Gob was always destined to be King, and seeing as he had been dating Eve for months at that point, he was sure people would automatically vote her as his Queen. “And I know that would be special for you—for us. But don’t you think it’s a little cliché, too?”

She bit her lip. He had a point.

“But we don’t have to do it tomorrow, either. We can just have some other fun. I’m fine either way,” Gob said. And that was true. All he needed to do was make sure he got off and maybe got her off, too. He just needed proof that he was bi and not gay and that was that. “Just think about it. But I hope you’ll come over regardless.”

Resisting the urge to make a joke about her coming, he gave her a light kiss on the lips before the warning bell went off. With that, he headed off to his first class, Eve still looking thoughtful as she fiddled with her necklace.

When Gob got to his locker at the end of the day, he took his time sorting through his things. Normally he just threw everything in his locker on Fridays and frantically did his homework on Monday morning, but he hoped to run into Tony.

He didn't know why he kept torturing himself like this, trying to make conversations happen between the two of them, but he did. Tony would either give him one word or bitchy answers, but Gob was hopeful and desperate that he could make things change. He had to be able to make things change. Everything could be fixed, right?

So, eventually, Tony came by and Gob said, "Wonder."

"Bluth," he said in response.

"How was your week?"

"Fine."

"Any big plans this weekend?"

"Nope."

As usual, Tony hadn't asked him the same question back, but Gob ignored that fact. "I have big plans—"

"Gob," Tony said through a tight jaw. He spun around to look at Gob. "I told you to leave me alone."

"But I—"

"So leave me alone." He closed his locker loudly. "I said you could talk to me when you get over yourself, which you clearly haven't. Because you're trying so hard to make yourself feel better right now by trying to make me talk." Gob looked down at his feet, unable to look at Tony's eyes. "You still haven't even said you're sorry. Not for real."

"I am—"

"Bye, Gob. And, like I said, leave me alone."

Tony left after that and Gob watched him go helplessly. Once Tony was out of sight, he noticed other people were watching him. Other people had seen the whole scene. "What are you all looking at, huh?" Gob asked heatedly. 

As the miniature crowd of seniors fled, Gob angrily threw his books back in his locker. He went to slam it shut, only for his eyes to fall on the only decoration he had in his locker besides his mirror. It was the picture he and Tony had taken the first day of school, his arm wrapped around Tony's shoulders and both of them smiling. It felt like a lifetime ago; he couldn't imagine being so carefree and happy. Not anymore.

Gob looked at it for a long time before finally slamming his locker door close and heading out of the school building. 

Getting his siblings out of the house the next day proved to be all too easy. He just told Buster about how Disney had re-released The Rescuers and he got so excited that he begged to go. And since Gob had a date, Michael took on the responsibility. Plus, Gob had a feeling Michael wanted to get a chance to drive anyways, so when Gob suggested they go to the nicer theater way on the other end of town and get dinner while he was there, he agreed to it. Lindsay also seemed game to get out of the house and, soon enough, Gob was nice and alone.

He set to work to making his room all romantic. He had bought roses, stole candles from Lindsay, and worked on getting the perfect mood lighting. Eventually his room looked like a set from a romantic movie. Perfect. He was totally going to get some action. From Eve. A girl. He could do this. He’d done it so many times. He could totally do this.

…But having a little alcohol wouldn’t hurt, right?

Soon enough, Eve was over, and Gob had downed several tequila shots. He definitely was no lightweight and he definitely wasn’t drunk, but things did feel a little murky and hazy once they made their way to his room. It was a lot like his first time, really. He barely had a memory of his first time and he had definitely forgotten the older girl's name. But it had totally been hot. He was sure of that. Just like this whole thing was gonna be hot.

“I like your room,” Eve said. She eyed some of the posters curiously, but Gob didn’t pay that any mind. 

“Yeah? I made it look as nice as possible for you,” Gob replied.

Eve nodded. She nervously played with that T necklace again, and she looked over at him. With a heavy breath, she asked, “You aren’t going to, like, desert me after this, right? This isn’t some one-time thing?”

“No,” Gob insisted. “A King would never abandon his Queen.” Eve still looked apprehensive. Maybe a little nervous. “And it’s not gonna hurt or anything, you know. I have stuff to help make everything go nice and smooth—” Gob cut himself off, his mind reminding him oh-so-helpfully about how he had used that to get himself off after Tony had left him high and dry. And then again a few days later. And then yet again another few days later. And then maybe a couple of other times since—but he had bought a new bottle and it was fine and it wasn’t like she could tell that he had done anything like…that.

After a few more moments of consideration, Eve sat down on his bed. “Okay,” she said.

Gob’s heart started to speed up, but not really in a happy way, not in the way it had with Tony—

God, he had to stop thinking about Tony.

“Yeah? Okay,” he said, forcing on a smile that he thought looked rather convincing.

“Yeah,” Eve said, almost as if she was convincing herself. She adjusted herself on the bed, half-laying down, before sending a look at Gob.

“Yeah…yeah, we’re gonna have all the sex,” Gob murmured, climbing on top of her even though they were both still clothed.

“Okay,” Eve said, looking nervous and a little confused, but mostly ready for it. “Let’s get to it?”

“Yeah, let’s…let’s get to it…” He leaned down, intending on kissing her lips.

But, instead, the scent of her hair gel reached his nose. The same kind Tony used. The same kind that had smelled so sweet and sexy and intoxicating while he was kissing the most surprisingly soft lips he'd ever felt and rolling up against such a small but strong body that he couldn't get out of his head—

And suddenly, Gob’s head collapsed on Eve’s shoulder and he started sobbing.

“I…Gob? Are you okay?”

As much of a mess as he was, Gob tried to shake his head and say he was fine, but his words came out all stuttered and fake and he ended up sobbing more. “I-I’m sorry, I-I-I can’t do this, I—”

“Shh, Gob, shh,” Eve said softly. Gob expected her to be like how he was with Tony and insist they could still do it or something, but, instead, she started to rub his back in a soothing, caring way, not in a sexy way. “I-it’s fine, Gob. We don’t have to do anything—”

“But I have to,” Gob cried out, tears still, embarrassingly enough, running down his face. “I h-have to!"

"Why? If you don't want to, we don't have to."

"I have to because I c-can’t be gay! I can’t, I—” Gob’s eyes widened as he realized what he said. He pulled back from Eve’s hold, sure she would look disgusted or upset or something. But, instead, she was looking at him with sympathy and concern. And maybe, just maybe, a hint of realization.

“…Is this related to Tony?”

Gob wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. He wanted to deny it because even he knew that it was just plain weird to tell your girlfriend you couldn’t stop thinking of your male best friend. But after taking a shuddering breath, he took one look at her face and found himself nodding.

He started listing everything that had happened. Like, everything everything. He told her about how he came up with a plan to get him laid and how Tony had ruined it by getting laid at camp by someone named Sammy. He told her how he thought Eve would be perfect for him because of how she was into the arts and liked magic and was still popular and pretty, like Tony deserved. And he told her how the Sally thing happened and © 1988 The Plan™ (he still wasn’t sure which symbol to use, so he figured both would work) and making over Michael and how Tony not showing up at the Halloween party led to them getting together. And then he found out about Sammy and couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“A-and then I kissed him. And he kissed me back. And it felt so good, I-I never kissed someone like that. And he was on top of me and it was getting so hot and then he stopped and said he had a girlfriend and I t-told him about the plan on accident and he got mad and now he w-won’t talk to me and…and…I can’t stop thinking about him and I lost my best friend and I think I’m gay and I…I…I just miss him so much.” With that, Gob started crying again, his hands going over his face.

At that point, Gob was sure Eve would leave in disgust or something. There was no way she was going to want to stick around after all of those…emotions happened. His whole family had made it clear that he had too many emotions on a regular basis; he knew Eve would have to hate him for it.

But, much to his surprise, Eve moved forward and wrapped her arms around him. He froze in shock, but, after a moment, he wrapped his arms back around her burying his head in her neck. Since he had been crying so much, his nose felt a little funny, so he couldn’t really smell her hair at all which was nice. He didn't need more reminders of the guy who wanted nothing to do with him.

After he calmed down a bit, he tiredly asked, “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

“No,” she said softly. “Of course not.”

“…Why are you being so cool about this?” Gob asked. “I mean…we’re supposed to be dating and everything, and then you find out that I’m…” Gob shook his head and pulled back to look at her. "It doesn't make sense. Shouldn't you hate me?"

“Well, I care about you,” Eve said at first. “You’re important to me, dating or not.”

“I guess it’s a ‘not’ at this point,” Gob said softly. "'M sorry."

 “Actually…” Gob looked up at her with raised eyebrows. She continued, “I was thinking we could keep doing this? You know…fake date?”

“…Why?” Gob asked.

Eve looked down at her lap. First she muttered, “Winning Prom Queen would be fun.”

Gob nodded. Okay, yeah, that made sense.

“Also…” Gob’s eyebrows furrowed together at the tone of her voice. She looked back up at him and, after a long moment, she asked, “You won’t tell anyone what I’m going to say?”

“Not if you don’t tell people what I said.”

Eve nodded, a serious look on her face. Finally, her hand running over her necklace again, she said, “I…Part of why I’m not upset is that…I’m kinda relieved?” Gob looked even more confused. “…I didn’t really want to sleep with you—”

“Why not?” Gob asked, honesty insulted. "I'm hot and I'm good at what I do!"

Eve raised her eyebrows at him. “Gob, you literally just told me you were probably gay and didn’t want to sleep with me. I don’t think you get to be upset that I feel the same way.” She sighed and looked back down at her lap as she quietly admitted, “And I do feel the same way. You know, the whole…possibly being gay thing.”

Gob just stared at her, having a hard time processing that information.

“It’s why I kept putting off sex, because I didn’t want to, but then I thought, maybe if I do have sex, I’ll be able to prove that I’m straight?”

“God. Same.”

“I know,” Eve said. She laughed a little. “Honestly, I thought you being into me was a sign that I could be straight—I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense, I know, but I thought there was no way you'd pick a…a lesbian." She looked proud of herself for saying that word and then continued, "But you trying to set me up with Tony was weird, because…” Eve bit her lip before admitting, “I kinda had a huge crush on Angela all throughout our time on the cheerleading team together. And maybe still now?”

Gob stared at her and Eve stared back. Slowly, though his eyes were still watery and itchy, he started to laugh. A few moments later, Eve did, too.

“Jesus Christ this is weird,” Gob said, shaking his head.

“I know,” Eve agreed.

“Well…I guess Balboa High is about to have the two gayest ruling Prom Royalty ever,” Gob said.

Eve laughed some more. “Sounds like a plan to me.”

Gob winced. “Let’s not call it a plan; those really haven’t been working out for me.”

By the time Lindsay, Michael, and Buster got home, Gob was alone in his room again. The twins put Buster to bed and, upon hearing Bonnie Tyler playing in Gob’s room again, they softly, half-heartedly knocked on his door. They waited a few moments, sure he would tell them to leave again. But, just when they were about to leave, he yelled out, “Come in.”

The two of them looked at each other in surprise before walking into Gob’s room. He was sitting up against the headboard, not looking at anything in particular as his twin siblings joined him on the bed. Lindsay paused the music, but Gob didn’t say anything. 

He hadn't really done or said anything since Eve left. While it had been a relief to tell someone, and it was nice to know he wasn't alone in those confusing feelings—and apparently those feelings specifically for Wunderlichs—he still felt miserable once he was alone again. 

“So…how was the date?” Lindsay asked.

He shrugged. “Weird.” He laughed a little, “Really weird.”

“What was weird about it?”

Gob shrugged again. “I guess it’s just weird trying to date a girl when you’ve realized you’re in love with your best friend and you pissed off said best friend. And realizing you’re gay on top of it isn’t so much fun, either.” Lindsay and Michael raised their eyebrows; they hadn’t expected him to say all of that so easily, so casually. “It’s also kinda weird telling your girlfriend all of that.”

“Oh,” Lindsay said, her eyes widening a little. “So I guess that’s over?”

“No,” Gob said. “We’re gonna keep dating. Sort of.”

“But…why?”

“It’s complicated,” Gob said simply. He wasn’t going to rat Eve out, just like he had promised. After a moment, finally making eye contact with Michael, Gob said, “Sorry I freaked out about Tracey. I’m happy you’re happy.”

Michael looked completely shocked at the change in subject. “Um…thanks. Yeah. I am happy. But I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I didn’t want to do the plan anymore.”

“It’s fine,” Gob said, looking back down at his bed. “It was a stupid plan.” After a beat, he added, “I accidentally told Tony about it. After we made out. And now he hates me. And I think I'm in love with him. So.”

“Oh.”

"Yeah.”

“What are you going to do?”

Gob shrugged. “I don’t know.”

The three of them sat in silence, each of them completely at a loss for what to say or do about the situation. Finally, after what felt like several minutes, Lindsay leaned over and pressed play on the CD player again.

"Lindsay,” Michael said, rolling his eyes.

“Just let him have this one, Michael.” After all, it was what Tony would do to cheer him up.

As the song picked up where she had paused it, headed towards the last chorus, Lindsay joined in to sing, pointing dramatically right at Gob, “Turn around bright eyes! Every now and then I fall apart!”

Gob, smiling a little, joined in to sing, “Turn around bright eyes—every now and then I fall apart!”

Then, surprising the both of them, Michael joined in as they all loudly sang, “And I need you now tonight!" They all stood up and continued, "And I need you more than ever! And if you only hold me tight, we’ll be holding on forever!” The three of them all sang loudly, not necessarily completely in the same key, and moved their arms and faces dramatically.

"And we’ll only be making it right, ‘cause we’ll never be wrong—” All three of them started to more or less headbang and they sang, “Together we can take it to the end of the line—your love is a like a shadow on me all of the time—all of the time! I don’t know what to do, I’m always in the dark. We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks!” They all moved their arms wildly to the beat of the drums before loudly singing, “I REALLY NEED YOU TONIGHT! Forever’s gonna start tonight…”

As the song started to wind down, Gob gave his siblings a small smile. It wasn’t much, but at least it was something. 

Chapter Text

I Need a Man Who’ll Take a Chance

“Students and faculty, may I have your attention, please…”

Gob doodled on his desk as Balboa High’s secretary cleared her throat, the sound echoing over the PA system. He was in his last class of the day, Spanish, and he was honestly already bored over the announcement. And the class. And the day. 

At least he was feeling bored over the miserable, gut wrenching feeling he had during Spanish his first week back from spring break. Since it was his only class with Tony and Tony had been ignoring him since he found out about the whole plan thing (Gob decided the trademark and copyright symbols shouldn’t be wasted on something that went so horribly wrong), Gob had been dreading Spanish class more than ever. But, sadly, after a full two weeks back from spring break, he was just…used to it. He was Gob Bluth, after all; he was used to having to walk through life alone.

…Okay, figuring out he was gay had just made him more dramatic than ever, hadn’t it?

“…And now for the Prom Royalty nominations…”

Despite wanting to look cool and aloof about the whole thing, Gob looked up from his doodle towards the PA system. He wasn’t necessarily nervous about the nominations, but…okay, he was nervous. Just a little. He had to be nominated. He had to. He was sure he would be, but there was a little lingering doubt that he wouldn’t get it, that somehow people knew he wasn’t normal anymore, that he wasn’t the hot, rich playboy of the school. He was still two of those three things which was, like, at least half of them, right?

He also really wanted Eve to be nominated. He kinda thought two secretly gay people winning would be cool. And, well, now that they were eating lunch together every day and talking more instead of Gob just attempting to feign some attraction to her, he found her a lot more fun. She was really always fun, honestly, but it was even better now.

“For Prom Queen, the candidates are, in alphabetical order…” Gob kept his face as cool and unaffected as possible. After two names, the secretary announced, “…Eve Holt.” Gob smiled. Okay, all that was left was him, and he was guaranteed that position, right?

“The Prom King candidates are …” Gob did his best to keep his face cool. “Gob Bluth…”

Oh, thank god. He smirked proudly as some people in class clapped for him, even sending a wink to one of the girls who looked at him appreciatively and flipping his hair a little. Totally cool.

When he noticed Tony, who had traded seats with someone basically as far from Gob as he could get, looking his way, he felt his smirk fall. He offered him a tiny smile before looking back at his drawing. He didn’t want to have to see Tony turn away from him instead.

“Congrats on the Prom King nomination.”

Gob looked up from his locker, his heart stopping in his chest. This couldn’t be real, right? Was Tony actually talking to him again?

Gob couldn’t stop himself from grinning when he realized it was real. “Y-yeah, thanks. I hope you—I mean other people, too, not just you—vote for us. Me and Eve, I mean. You know, ‘cause couple and everything.”

Tony raised an eyebrow at the mention of Eve. “Mmhmm. Your girlfriend. Right.” Gob squirmed at the tone in his voice, but Tony paid him no mind as he opened his own locker.

“Look, I just wanted to tell you that Sally and I are going to drive to the dance together. I know you had talked about us renting a limo, so I wanted to make sure you didn’t save room for us,” Tony said, not even looking at Gob.

“…Oh,” Gob said quietly. That…that hurt more than he had anticipated. “I see.”

Wanting the last word for once, Gob slammed his locker close and walked away without even looking back at Tony.

“I can’t believe he asked me!” Lindsay squealed as they entered their house. She had gone on and on about one of the seniors asking her out to prom the whole way home, much to Gob’s displeasure.

“Uh-huh. Well, as long as you don’t get a hotel room,” Gob said in a warning tone. “I’m not letting anyone fuck my sister on prom night.”

Lindsay hit his arm. “Pretty hypocritical for someone who’s fucked how many girls now despite not liking any of them?”

“Hey, I’ve liked some of them.”

“Not as much as you like Tony.”

It was Gob’s turn to hit her arm. “Shut up!” He hissed, “Mom could be anywhere!”

“Right, right. Sorry,” she said, actually looking apologetic. Thankfully, their mom didn’t seem to be anywhere near the kitchen. “Anyways, he said that he’s renting a limo, so I have a ride there.”

“You and some senior in a limo alone? Yeah, you’re not doing that.”

“Gob!” Lindsay whined. “I can take care of myself, okay?” Gob rolled his eyes until she added, “It’s not just the two of us, anyways; he’s renting it out with some friends. No need to panic.”

“…Fine,” Gob relented, putting his bookbag on the floor by the kitchen table before sitting at the table himself.

Michael announced, “I guess we’re all going to prom then.”

Lindsay narrowed her eyes. “How are you going? I only get to go because I was invited by a senior.”

“Tracey’s part of the student service group and she volunteered to run the ticket table and help with set-up. And she gets to bring a date, so she asked me,” Michael said proudly.

“A girl had to ask you out?” Gob snorted. “That’s pretty gay.” Michael and Lindsay both raised their eyebrows at him. “…I think I should be allowed to say that,” Gob said.

Michael rolled his eyes. “Anyways, yes, she asked me, but only because I couldn’t because I wasn’t invited.”

“And she could’ve asked anyways because you don’t need a reason for a girl to ask a guy out,” Lindsay said. “It’s really only pathetic if the girl proposes.”

“How enlightened of you,” Michael said dryly.

“I know,” Lindsay said proudly, not noticing Michael’s eye roll as she sat down at the kitchen table.

“So, however you’re getting there, Gob, we can go together,” Michael added as he started looking at the pile of letters left on the kitchen counter.

“Cool,” Gob said, kicking his feet up onto the chair next to him. It was pretty lame that he was apparently only going to end up going to prom with his little brother and his way too sweet girlfriend, but it was somewhat better than going alone.

Somewhat.

“Woah!” Gob looked over lazily at Michael at the exclamation.

“What?” Lindsay asked.

Michael held up a thick envelope. “It’s from Juilliard.”

Gob’s feet immediately fell to the floor as he sat up, straight as a board. “Juilliard?” Michael nodded in confirmation and held up the envelope for him to see. Even from the table, Gob could see the Juilliard logo in one corner and that it was addressed to George Bluth II. Official, legal name and all of that. After his NYU rejection, Gob had more or less forgotten he had other schools that would be sending out letters.

“It’s thick,” Gob said, standing up nervously.

“That’s a good sign,” Michael said, sounding just as nervous as Gob felt.

Gob went to the counter, Lindsay following behind him. He took the envelope from Michael and stared at it for a while. Part of him just wanted to throw it away before he could possibly be rejected. But, after a few seconds, he opened it with shaky hands.

While he wasn’t as fast of a reader as Tony, he managed to read the first few words very quickly, which was all he needed to see.

Dear Mr. George Bluth II,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted into Juilliard’s Music Class of 1993.

“Holy shit,” Gob said in disbelief. “I got in.”

“You got in?” Michael and Lindsay asked together.

“I got in!” 

Suddenly, like what he had seen happen with Tony and his family, there was jumping and hugging and Michael was looking through the letter and smiling proudly and Gob felt this rush of pride himself because not only were his siblings cheering for him, but he had been accepted into one of the fanciest, best, and most well-known music schools in the world.

“What’s going on?” All three of them turned to the door where their mom had walked in, looking displeased at all the commotion. 

Michael proudly held out the letter as Lindsay exclaimed, “Gob got into Juilliard!”

Lucille took the letter from Michael and quickly scanned it over, her lips pursed and her eyes judgmental. Finally, she lowered the letter and, much to Gob’s surprise, she wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him a little.

“…What’s happening?” Gob whispered, his eyes wide and his body tense as he looked at his siblings for help. “What is…what are you doing?”

“It’s a hug, Gob,” his mom said, as if it was obvious, as if Gob should’ve expected her to hug him of all things, as if Gob could even remember the last time she had hugged him. After a few moments, his body relaxed and he hugged her back, a smile growing on his face. He had gotten into fucking Juilliard.

When his mom pulled away, she was actually smiling at him. Him. “So, obviously you're going there,” Lucille said, her voice full of excitement normally reserved for whenever Buster did, well, anything. After a moment, she smirked and said, “I need to call Lucille Austero; after all the bragging she’s done about her and her brother being cast in The Fantasticks together…”

As their mom went over to the phone, Gob thought of everyone he needed to tell. “I’ve gotta call Miss Griffin—she’s gonna freak out—and do I tell Mr. Hoffman? Would that be weird? Or do they tell him? And obviously I need to call Tony—”

Gob cut himself off, suddenly deflating. Tony wouldn’t want to know. Tony wouldn’t care. And Tony…Tony wouldn’t want him in New York, anyways. He went back to the kitchen table and slumped in his seat.

“What’s the point of going?” Gob asked Michael and Lindsay when they followed him over.

“What? What do you mean?”

Gob looked over at their mom to make sure she wasn’t paying attention. Thankfully, she had managed to get ahold of her friend/nemesis on the phone. “Oh, Lucille, I have the best news to share!”

“I only applied because Tony said we could live together and work on our magic act together and everything. What’s the point if he won’t even speak to me?” Gob whispered.

Michael looked at Gob like he was crazy. “Gob, you can’t turn down an opportunity like this because of a fight with a friend.”

Even Lindsay said, “Yeah, that’d be ridiculous.”

“You should at least tell him,” Michael said. “He’d want to know.”

“Not anymore,” Gob said with a shake of his head.

“It might help you make up? He’d want to know he’d have a friend in the city,” Lindsay added hopefully.

Gob, however, wasn’t so hopeful.

The following Monday, Lindsay and Michael went to school early. They didn’t tell Gob why, but whatever. It was kind of nice driving by himself, since he didn’t have to worry about anyone telling him to turn down his music or lecture him on watching the road or anything.

When he finally made it inside, he got to his locker and froze in shock. It was decorated with signs saying, Congrats and there was even a Juilliard sticker, one of the ones they had sent him in his acceptance package. “What the…”

“Do you like it?”

Gob turned around to his twin siblings and then back to his locker. “You did this?”

"Yeah! We figured if you weren’t going to tell Tony—”

"You had to broadcast it to the whole school?” Gob asked, slightly mortified.

“What’s wrong with that?”

“I don’t go around telling people I play this stuff!” Gob insisted.

Michael raised his eyebrows. “Why not?”

“Because it’s lame!” Gob exclaimed in a whisper.

“What? Who would think that?”

“You, for one!” Gob said directly at his brother. “You make fun of it all the time!”

Michael blinked a few times. “…I didn’t realize you cared what I thought,” he said, sounding actually apologetic.

“…Well…I don’t,” Gob lied.

Lindsay rolled her eyes. “Boys are such idiots,” she mumbled. They both looked at her. “Can we rush this whole thing along? Obviously, Michael made fun of it because of dad’s influence and because he’s jealous he can’t play like you. There, that’s over now.”

Before either of them could even say anything else, Lindsay continued, “Besides, you should be proud of this. It’s a big deal.” In a whisper, she added, “And playing piano like you do, not just the rock stuff? That can get you lots of hook-ups. People find that impressive."

“…Really?” Gob asked. He never thought girls would want to hear Chopin or anything like that. Or guys for that matter. Then again, he definitely hadn’t put much thought into what guys could do.

“Yeah. Duh,” Lindsay said, her voice still hushed. “Did you not see how Tony looked after your recital? It's no wonder he made out with you the next day.”

Gob couldn’t stop himself from grinning a bit at that. He knew Tony had been impressed, but he hadn't realized it was that kind of impressed.

Just then, Tony himself went over to his locker and stopped at the sight of Gob’s. “…What?”

“Isn’t it awesome? Gob just got accepted on Friday,” Lindsay said proudly.

“To Juilliard?”

“Yeah. Hence the sticker,” Michael replied.

Tony actually smiled at Gob for the first time in weeks. “Seriously? That’s amazing, man, I knew you would—” Suddenly, Tony cut himself, apparently remembering he was mad at Gob. He dropped his face to neutral and said, “…Congrats, Bluth.”

Gob hated that his shoulders slumped as Tony turned to open his locker. Gob gestured for the twins to leave and, after they did, he opened his own locker.

“Thanks,” he said quietly. “I don’t know if I’ll go, though.”

Tony looked back at him in confusion. “Why wouldn’t you?”

Gob looked back at him, an eyebrow raised. “Why do you think?” he asked quietly. “I don’t think I’m really wanted there.”

Again to his surprise, Tony looked a bit guilty himself. “You should go,” Tony said quietly.

“Really?”

“Yes, really,” Tony said. “It’s a big deal to get into a place like that. You can’t turn it down.”

“…And with you in New York, too?”

Tony closed his locker door. His face looking more sad than angry at that point, Tony said, “New York’s a big city. I’m sure we won’t run into each other.”

Gob felt a stab in his stomach as Tony turned to leave. Not only did it hurt to hear that, but seeing how hurt Tony looked made him feel even worse. Before Tony could leave completely, Gob grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him around. He had just realized he hadn't said a real apology and Tony deserved at least that.

“I’m sorry,” Gob said, his voice completely genuine. “Like, really sorry. And I mean it. I was…I was selfish and dumb and stupid and you really have every right to hate me. I just…I’m really sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I did and…and I’m sorry.”

He was pretty sure he had never used the word “sorry” as much as he had in his whole life combined as he did in the last few seconds.

Tony just looked at him, his face stony and unreadable. Finally, he gave Gob a nod. “Thanks for apologizing." After another moment of what looked like some internal debate, Tony turned around and walked away.

That time, Gob let him go, but he wasn’t sure he felt any better than he had before.

On Fridays, Gob normally had magic club. But after the whole thing with Tony, Gob figured magic club was still out of the question. Instead, he had hung out with Eve a little bit after school as they went over their plans for prom the next day. Lindsay was doing the same with her date and Michael was helping Tracey and some other student council members, so after he dropped Eve off at home, he went home on his own.

Once he entered the house he was, weirdly enough, greeted by his mom calling out, “Gob?”

“Yeah?” he called back, following her voice to the great room. He stopped in his tracks when he saw one of the oddest sights he’d ever seen. His mom, dressed all proper and holding a martini glass, sat in her chair while Angela Wunderlich, dressed in a crop-top and short-shorts, sat across from her on the sofa, both of them staring at each other before turning towards Gob.

“Ange?” Gob asked. “Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Angela said, getting up and crossing over to him. “I didn’t expect you to take so long to get home or I would’ve waited a bit, but at least your mom and I got to have a nice chat,” she said, her smile much too bright to be genuine.

“A very nice chat,” Lucille said, her smile the kind that Gob normally saw her give Lucille 2 during one of their passive aggressive bitch fights. “She’s quite the feisty one; it must be the New Jersey in her.”

Anger flashed in Angela’s eyes. “As I said, Mrs. Bluth, I’m from New York,” she said, her fake smile still on. Gob never understood why the Wunderlichs got all offended over being mistaken for being from Jersey, but apparently it was a big insult to all New Yorkers.

“Oh, my mistake. It must be the outfit,” Lucille said.

Gob instinctively grabbed Angie’s arm before she could launch herself at his mom. “We’ll be in my room.” While Angela resisted the pull on her arm for a moment, she eventually followed him up to his room. Once he closed the door, he muttered, “Sorry about her.”

“At least I don’t have to live with her,” Angela said in response. “And at least you got here when you did. You guys have too much money to spend on lawyers, so I’d definitely end up in jail if I attacked her.”

“I’d pay to see that.”

“Uh huh,” Angela said. She crossed her arms and said, “But I think you know I’m not here to discuss how good I’d be at beating up your mom.”

Gob sighed. “I figured.”

For a little while, Angela got distracted as she looked around Gob’s room. She had never been in there before. She had been to several of his house parties, but his room had seemed to be a sacred place for him and Tony—and whatever girl he was trying to fuck that week. But Angela knew they never stayed in his room for much longer than that.

“Nice place,” she finally said, raising her eyebrows at some of the posters he had up.

“Thanks.”

Finally, Angela stared at him silently, curiously, studying Gob in a way that made him very uncomfortable. Eventually he asked, “What did Tony tell you?”

“Not much at first,” she said. “He was just pissy with me for most of your guys’ spring break. I didn’t think much of at it first because, y’know, he’s Tony. He broods; it’s what he does,” Angela shrugged. “But then he finally told me that you told him about your ‘plan’ and how I was a part of it. And, honestly, I don’t appreciate that I’m getting dragged into this fight.”

“Well, you were a part of it,” Gob pointed out.

“I just cut Michael’s hair and let him practice talking to me; I hardly count,” Angela said dismissively. Gob rolled his eyes and sat down on his bed. In a blasé tone, she added, “He also told me how you made out on your bed.”

Gob froze, his face growing cold as all the blood drained from it. “…Oh,” he said softly.

“Yeah,” Angela said, her attitude still casual and nonchalant, like it wasn’t a big deal to know he had made out with her brother.

“You didn’t tell anyone, did you?”

“No,” Angela said firmly. “I don’t spill private shit like that. There’s a reason I never told you the truth about Sammy, even though I really, really wanted to. Believe me.” She looked at her nails and muttered, “It would’ve saved us a lot of mess regarding this whole year.”

“What do you mean?”

Angela rolled her eyes and looked back over at him. “You probably would’ve realized you liked Tony sooner instead of going through with this whole scheme and you two could be dating right now instead of him angstily listening to ‘Alone’ and you lying in bed blasting Bonnie Tyler and ‘Careless Whisper’ all day.” At Gob’s look, she shrugged. “Michael gave me the song details at his latest haircut."

Gob shook his head. “I…I wouldn’t—I’m not—” Angela raised a single eyebrow up at him and Gob looked away from her. “…I’m dating someone right now. And he’s happy with Sally. He told me so himself.” Remembering the words Tony had said, words that cut like ice, he added, “She’s one of the best things to happen to him since he moved to this stupid town. His words.”

“One of the best things, Gob,” Angela said with a sigh. “You know he’d consider you the best thing.”

“He doesn’t anymore,” Gob responded sullenly.

“You having one fight doesn’t mean he regrets everything.” Despite those words making sense, Gob crossed his arms and still refused to look at her. “Look, you just need to talk to him—”

“I’ve tried!” Gob exclaimed, finally looking at her again. “Repeatedly! And he won't listen to me! Even when I apologized!”

“Well, he might listen to me. If you give me a chance, I can get you two alone—”

“Ange…I can’t,” Gob said. “I can’t be alone with him. I can’t. If he rejects me again, I—” Gob swallowed roughly, blinking his eyes fast to avoid tearing up over the idea. Getting turned down once was bad enough.

Once he had control of himself, he said, “And he was right. And…and it’s not like I have to date him or anything.”

Angela frowned. “Even if you two don’t date, you should still make up so you can be friends again. It’ll be pretty lonely in New York if you two aren’t talking.” After a beat, she added, "Congrats on Juilliard, by the way. Tony told me about that."

“He did?”

“Yeah. He’s happy for you.”

“…He is?”

“Of course,” Angela said. “Even if he’s mad at you, you know he still cares about you.” Gob looked doubtful. “He does care about you, Gob, come on. And, honestly, I think he’s moved on from mad to just…sad. He’s tired of fighting, too, but you know he just has to brood a bit longer. And then you two can ride off into the sunset towards New York City. Friends or more or whatever.”

Gob shook his head. “Even if we made up—even if we more than made up…” Gob sighed.  “He said he doesn’t want something secret and there’s no way I can tell my parents. I-I’d be cut off from all my cards and they’d probably take my car and I’d have to live off the street—or, worse, in some apartment like when I was a kid—and I’d have to make a budget and actually do taxes and my own laundry and cleaning and, like, do you buy those cleaning supplies or does the government give them to you—”

“God, I really forget how spoiled you are sometimes,” Angela said with a roll of her eyes. Gob glared at her. “I understand that with your parents, yeah, that would be an issue. You were just making a nightmare there that is far from a normal person’s nightmare.” Gob didn’t speak. “But I doubt he'd really want to tell your parents. And, I mean, it’s likely they already know.”

That got Gob’s attention. “What? How? I—you said you didn’t tell anyone!”

“I didn’t!” Angela insisted loudly. “And do you think I’d really tell your parents out of anyone?" Okay, that was true. Gob nodded. "But, Gob, babe, if they’ve seen your room, they’ve gotta have suspicions.” She gestured at the pictures and posters—Top Gun, The Outsiders, Freddie Mercury, various Olympians. "God, I don't know how Tony thought you were straight for the longest time."

Gob looked at her, confused. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She just laughed a little and shook her head. “Of course you don’t.” At Gob’s glare—why did everyone feel the need to call him an idiot in some form?—she clarified, “It’s hard noticing signs on these things sometimes. Or, well, I assume.”

“Whatever.”

Angela sighed quietly and sat down next to Gob on his bed. She slowly asked, “…You know how I said I don’t tell secrets like this?” Gob nodded. “Well, I guess that’s only partially true, because there’s something I think you should know.”

Gob looked at her, confused. “What?”

“You know the whole thing where you aren’t allowed in Tony’s room with the door closed?” Angela started. Gob nodded again. “Well, there are only two people who that rule applies to—you and Sally. Not that Sally has really come over that often, but whatever.”

“So? We’re probably like the only two who would come over anyways,” Gob said bluntly.

“…Okay, true,” Angela said with a slight laugh. “But he’s had a couple other people over since and mom and dad don’t watch them like a hawk. Just you and his girlfriend.” Gob still looked unimpressed. “Look, when we had that whole family meeting about Tony fucking Sammy, there was a lot of talk about Sally and you. Sally was brought up since my parents were afraid he was leading her on, or they were hoping Sammy was a phase.” She took a breath, “But you were brought up because it clearly isn’t a phase.”

Gob look like he was thinking hard. Angela waited for him to say something, but he still didn’t seem to get it. “…Okay, let me spell it out for you,” Angela said with a slight eye roll. “It became very clear after minimal questioning that Tony is absolutely crazy about you.”

That got Gob’s attention. “What? Did he—he didn’t—did he say that?”

 “Yeah,” Angela said. “Come on, Gob, he’s been into you and obviously so for, like, years. I mean, I knew for sure after he slept with Sammy…I knew if he was really into guys, he had to be into you. He tried to deny it, but I got the truth out of him. Honestly, part of why I agreed to do my minimal help with your plan was because I hoped it would help get you two together. Which, yeah, kinda dumb of me to do that," she admitted.

"And when Chiara and Daniel found out about Sammy, they had the same reaction. And after a few questions at the meeting, Tony admitted to them and our parents that, yeah, he has a crush on you. But he insisted you were straight and nothing was going to happen, and while our parents agreed, they wanted the door open ‘just in case’.” After a moment she said, “I’m not sure they believe you’re completely straight, come to think of it. Honestly, I think they'd rather you be the guy Tony was with than Sammy, but they also would prefer Tony to not be with a guy. They still love him, you know, they're just…still a little weird about it.” After a moment, she added, "They've missed you, too, by the way. We all do. Breakfast isn't the same without you."

That was a lot of information to take in at once. Tony liked him? Or he at least liked him in the past? Tony's parents liked him, at least over that Sammy guy? A family had actually missed him of all people?

“There’s no way he still likes me now, does he?" Gob suddenly asked. "He’s even dating someone else.”

“I don’t think you lose those feelings so easily, no matter how much they upset you. And why do you think he spent so much time with Sally over you?” Angela asked. “I don't know this for sure, but I think he was trying to get over you. And that’s why the whole kiss threw him for a loop and upset him.”

That…that weirdly made sense. Gob felt a small smile form on his face, just for a moment. Then he frowned again as he realized he had completely blown it. “This is…complicated,” Gob said with a sigh, rubbing a hand over his forehead. He really didn’t even know what to say anymore; he was just exhausted.

Angela seemed to realize that. She wrapped an arm around him and rested her head on his shoulder. “Too bad I couldn't be the Wunderlich you liked, huh?” She joked quietly. “We could've made a fun couple. A hot one, too."

Gob laughed a little. “If only you were the bi one; I know a girl you’d be perfect with.” Angela looked at him curiously. “…Never mind. I don’t tell those secrets, either.” Though she rolled her eyes, Angela smiled at him and put her head back on his shoulder.

“One more picture!” 

“Mom! We're going to be late for dinner,” Eve sighed. Still, she complied, letting her take what turned out to be two more pictures of Eve in her prom dress with Gob in his tux.

She then handed Eve a disposable camera. “Get all the pictures you can, okay? Especially if you win Prom Queen.”

“We will, we will,” Eve said, pushing the camera into her clutch before forcing Gob out the door before they could take more pictures. “Sorry about that,” she muttered on the way to Gob’s car.

Gob shrugged. “I like a good picture. And, hey, it may not be, like, completely real, but we’re still friends, right? It’s worth having some pics.”

Eve smiled a little. “That’s true.” Gob opened the passenger side door for her and closed it once she was settled in the car.

Once Gob settled in his car, he adjusted his rearview mirror, briefly catching Tracey and Michael in the reflection of the backseat. While Tracey had stuck with a simpler look than Eve, Gob could still finally see what Michael saw in her looks-wise. She was pretty.

He was pretty sure he could still be gay and recognize that. Right?

Whatever.

They all went to dinner together at some fancy French place. Gob tried to order a beer, but the waiter didn’t buy him being 21 since, you know, they were obviously going to prom. But whatever, he still had fun without alcohol. Which was…weird of him. But, again, Eve had turned out to be a cool friend and Tracey actually was pretty funny when given the chance and while Michael was somewhat suave in front of her—in comparison to how he used to be in front of Angela, at least—he still definitely tried a bit too hard and messed up a little which was always funny to watch.

Since Tracey and Michael were working the ticket table, they had to get there a bit earlier than everyone else. That actually wasn’t too bad, since he and Eve got to talk a bit more as they sat at one of the tables off to the sides of the gym.

“I can’t believe we’re having this here. Don’t they normally rent out a hotel?” Gob asked.

“Yeah. I think they spent too much money on Homecoming,” Eve said with a shrug.

“It’s crazy. I haven’t been in the gym for, like, almost a year now,” Gob said, looking around. He thought about part of why he wanted to get out of gym, about how he felt uncomfortable being naked around a whole bunch of other naked guys, and he shook his head at himself with a slight laugh. “Jesus…” He looked at Eve. “Do you ever think about things from before you realized you were probably gay and it suddenly makes sense?”

“You mean like how I imagined adopting kids so I wouldn’t have to have sex with a man?” Eve asked with a laugh.

Gob laughed as well. “Yeah. That’s pretty gay.” He raised an eyebrow and added, “If you ever need a sperm donor, though, you should look me up. We’d make a pretty hot kid.”

“I’ll think about it,” Eve teased, the both of them laughing at the idea.

Gob had to admit that their DJ was really nailing it with the song choices. He was playing a lot of the more recent hits, you know, like Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” and “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” by Poison and even slow dance numbers like “Eternal Flame”, but he threw in some classics. Gob enjoyed the older ‘80s hits along with some of the stuff he busted from the ‘70s. It was kind of like re-living his childhood in a way, which seemed like a perfect thing to do for one of the last big events of high school.

It just kinda sucked how a lot of song he heard when he looked at Tony was just really on the nose. As he danced around with Eve and Lindsay and her date (that Gob had already given a speech to) to Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody", he found himself seeing Tony for the first time, dancing with Sally. He wanted to be that somebody for Tony; he was already that somebody for him.

Did he love her? Was she the somebody he really wanted to dance to? Did Tony have any feelings similar towards him still? Or was Angela completely off-base?

He tried to ignore him, since he really wanted to enjoy prom and every time Tony had ignored him over the last few weeks, Gob had felt miserable. And he really wasn’t sure what else he could do to get Tony to pay him any positive attention.

Of course, Eve didn’t understand. When they took a break from dancing, she insisted, “You should really talk to him.” Gob shook his head and she said, “Come on. It’s prom! Magical things always happen at prom in the movies, right?”

“Yeah, well, real life isn’t a movie,” Gob said bitterly.

As the night went on and the announcement of prom royalty was coming up, Eve excused herself to the restroom. Gob sat down at a table for a break, really cursing himself for not sneaking in a flask, since he was pretty sure no one else had attempted to spike the punch. Dumbasses.

He had a sip of his when he heard a familiar song start. He looked up, almost rolling his eyes at just how truly on the nose it was.

Many times I tried to tell you
Many times I cried alone
Always I’m surprised how well you cut my feelings to the bone.
Don’t want to leave you really
I’ve invested too much time to give you up that easy
To the doubts that complicate your mind…

Seriously, how fucking fitting was that? Gob shook his head and looked back towards the dance floor. His eyes easily found Tony and Sally sitting at a table at the opposite side of the gym from him. He watched the two of them talking, Sally soon excusing herself.

Once she left, Tony turned around and the two of them locked eyes for the first time that night as Pat Benatar sang the final chorus.

We belong to the light, we belong to the thunder
We belong to the sound of the words we’ve both fallen under
Whatever we deny or embrace for worse or for better
We belong, we belong, we belong together

Gob didn’t know what possessed him, but he found himself standing up, still looking directly at Tony. Tony continued to look at him, a questioning look on his face. The two of them stayed like that until it finally faded out. Then Gob heard a familiar drum beat start. Immediately, he felt an incredulous smile form on his face.

Tony smiled and stood right as the synth rolled its first chord and Gob’s heart leapt in his chest. Tony’s smile faltered for a moment, but then the synth started to bop around, and he couldn’t stop himself from smiling again and moving his head side-to-side to the rhythm. Gob mirrored him and the two laughed together, even though they were on opposite sides of the gym. As the verse started, they both started to make their way over to each other, unable to resist the idea of dancing together to one of their favorite songs.

Talking away
I don’t know what I’m to say
I’ll say it anyway
Today is another day to find you
Shying away

At the last line of the first verse, they finally met in the center of the dance floor, and, together, they sang the only line of the first verse they knew for sure, since neither of them could really understand the verses. “I’ll be coming for your love, okay?”

“Taaaaaake ooooooon meeee,” Tony sang, “Take on me!”

Gob smiled as he sang the higher, “Taaaaake meeeeeee oooon—take on me!”

Then, letting out their true dork nature in front of all their classmates, they loudly screeched, “I’ll beeee gooooone in a day or twoooooooo!”

The two of them burst into laughter, probably equally caused by their dumb singing as much as the relief of just not glaring at each other for once. They laughed so much they missed most of the second verse, but they always did, really. The only words they knew for sure from that section were the ones right before the chorus, which they sang together, “It’s no better to be safe than sorry.” They went on to sing the chorus again, but Gob cut himself off after the first “take on me”.

This had to be a sign, right? That this song of all songs started playing right as they were looking at each other? That their song started right as they were looking at each other? That their song literally meant “touch me”?

Tony looked at him in puzzlement, stopping his dancing and singing. Gob was looking at him with a weird, unreadable look on his face. It was a lot like the look he had given him before he kissed him in his room.

“…Gob?” Tony asked.

Gob stepped in closer, his eyes locked on Tony’s. But he didn’t kiss him or cup his face or anything. He simply said, “I love you.”

“…What?”

“I love you,” Gob repeated.

“What?”

“I love you. And I don’t mean that in a straight way. I mean that in a gay way—and I really do think it’s in a gay way, like, not a bi way.” Gob shook his head; that wasn’t the important part. “I don’t know. I just know that…that you’re not some experiment to me. You’re not a notch in my bedpost or belt or whatever. You’re not a secret—if you want me to kiss you right here, right now, with everyone watching, I’ll do it. I’ll tell your parents. I-I’ll tell my parents. Whatever you want.”

“Gob, I...I—”

“Because you don’t belong with Sally. Or with those art girls. Or with Eve or Sammy or anyone,” Gob said, his voice so serious against the backdrop of the cheery pop song still blasting from the speakers. “You should be with me. We belong. Pat Benatar style—with the light and the thunder and all of that. We belong together.”

When Tony stayed silent, Gob continued, “And-and don’t worry about Eve; she knows all about this. About me. About us. And she's fine with it. And…and I know Sally—” Gob forced himself to swallow down the lump in his throat. “I know Sally makes you happy, but…but I think we could make each other a lot happier. Because she may be one of the best things to happen to you since you moved here, like you said, but…" Gob grabbed one of Tony's hands, grasping it desperately, "But you’re the best thing to happen to me ever. And I really, really do love you. And I don’t know why it took me so long to realize that, but I mean…that’s why I did what I did. That’s why I broke down when you and Sally had sex. That’s why I kissed you. I just…I love you, Tony. So much. And I know what I did wasn’t right and you have no reason to forgive me, but if you just…if you give me a chance, if you ‘take on me’…” Gob laughed quietly, a little desperately, at his dumb joke. “If you do that, I’ll do my best to make sure you don’t regret it.”

Tony stared at him and Gob stared back. “Take on Me” faded out and suddenly their principal was on stage and asking the prom royalty candidates to come join him up there. Still, Gob waited for a few more seconds for Tony to say something, anything, even just to tell him he needed a moment.

Gob would’ve waited even longer if Eve hadn’t come up and put a hand on his shoulder. “We need to get up there.”

Gob nodded at her and then looked back at Tony. “Just…just think about it. Please?” He gave Tony a bittersweet smile before heading off to the stage with his “girlfriend”, his heart heavy in his chest.

Being elected Prom King was, of course, exactly what Gob had expected to happen. Eve winning Prom Queen was, again, exactly what Gob had expected. If his life were a movie, they’d both be straight and happy and the screen would fade to black as they danced the obligatory dance they always made prom royalty dance to. Or maybe it would let him make his big speech to Tony over the microphone in front of everyone, or Tony would stop the obligatory royalty dance and kiss him.

But Gob’s life wasn’t a movie, so, instead, he was a gay teenager dancing with his lesbian “girlfriend” to some generic pop ballad.

“Did you tell Tony?” Eve whispered to him at one point. Gob nodded. “How’d it go?” Gob shrugged. Eve gave him a sympathetic look and said nothing else for the rest of their dance.

The prom didn’t go on much longer after that since that was, after all, the climatic part of the evening. Eve and Gob stood for pictures for the yearbook like they were told to, and then another song or two played before they were told to leave the gym. And Gob didn’t see Tony anywhere.

Gob, Eve, and Lindsay had to stay as Tracey and Michael finished packing up the ticket table. Well, Lindsay thought she could go to the after party with her date, but one look at her older brother’s face made it clear she wasn’t going anywhere near that party until she was supervised by him.

But Gob also wasn’t sure he was going. And, yeah, Gob Bluth skipping out on a party was a strange, terrifying concept that he could barely wrap his head around, but he couldn’t help it. The idea of trying to act like he was having the time of his life when he still didn’t know what his future held for him and Tony, if they were even friends anymore…

Gob had been acting his whole life. He had realized that. Every time he was at school or around his peers, he had been acting like something he wasn’t. It wasn’t just the pretending to be straight thing, an act he had gotten so into he had fooled himself. No. He was acting like he was confident, like he didn’t care what people thought of him, like he wasn’t a sensitive guy who liked making music and magic and desperately wanted someone to love him. And he was just getting so tired of having to act.

So, when Michael and Tracey finished up their duties, Gob took out his car keys and they all headed outside to the deserted parking lot. The cool night air felt nice on his face, so nice he almost didn’t notice the person standing by his car.

Gob stopped in his tracks, everyone else soon stopping as well; even Tracey seemed to understand something important was happening. Or, well, maybe Michael had told her something. Whatever, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that Gob saw Tony leaning against his car and he felt his heart jump into his throat.

With his siblings, Eve, and Tracey still several feet away, Gob cautiously continued the rest of the walk to his car. “Hey,” he said softly.

Tony bolted up from his leaning position. “Hey.”

“…What are you doing here?” Gob asked.

“I wanted to talk to you.”

He wasn’t letting himself get his hopes up. “Where’s Sally?”

Tony shrugged. “Off with one football player or another.”

Gob swallowed audibly. “…Oh?”

“Yeah.” Tony rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. “We…we’ve been heading towards the end for a while now. We both knew that.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I guess you were kinda right about us,” Tony said.

Gob’s heart was pounding. “Yeah?”

Tony nodded. “I…I really liked her—I still kinda do,” he admitted.

Gob’s heart sank in his chest; that didn’t sound good for him.

Tony took Gob’s hands, “…But I’ve loved you since I don’t even know when. The day we met?” He smirked a little and clarified, “And in a very, very bi way.”

Gob couldn’t believe it. His stomach leapt and his heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t stop himself from looking into Tony’s eyes and asking, “You mean it?”

And Tony replied by pulling his hands out of Gob’s hands in order to move them to his face. He stood on his toes as he pulled Gob’s head down for a kiss—a firm but sweet kiss that Gob eagerly returned, bending down a little just to do so. He felt a tingle run down his spine, reaching all the way to his fingers and toes.

Lindsay brought a hand to her heart and the other to her mouth as she smiled. Eve cheered, though, thankfully, neither Tony or Gob noticed. Tracey tilted her head a little but smiled at the cute display. And Michael wrapped an arm around her and smiled a bit himself, his smile only growing when he saw the smile on his brother’s face when the two parted.

Gob rested his forehead against Tony’s for a moment, but then he stood up straighter and said, “You’re a little too short for that move to work.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I’m the right height; you’re the one that’s too tall.”

The two looked at each other and laughed softly. “…So…what do we do now?” Gob asked.

“Like, with this and everything?” Tony asked. Gob nodded. “…I don’t know." 

“Me, neither,” Gob said with a slight laugh.He didn’t know who they told or how they’d tell it or any of that. He moved to stand next to Tony, leaning back against his car.

“…But I know what we could do tonight?” Tony said, moving to stand in front of his best friend—boyfriend?—with a nervous grin. Gob raised an eyebrow as Tony pulled a hotel key from his pocket. “I still have a room rented for the night. You know. If you really want me to take on you.”  

Gob swallowed audibly again, his eyes wide. After a few moments, he nodded enthusiastically, and Tony was kissing him again, this time much more passionately, Gob’s family and friends long forgotten as he let Tony press him up against the car.

After it became clear that the kiss wasn't going to end nearly as soon as the last one, Tracey cleared her throat and suggested, “Maybe we should call a cab?”

“…Yeah, that might be a good idea,” Eve said, her eyes widening a bit at a loud moan Gob made.

“Yeaaaah…” Lindsay agreed as Tony pressed his hands to the window on either side of Gob’s head, pressing Gob harder against the car.

“I swear I wouldn’t want to see him do that with a girl, either,” Michael said as the four of them went to find a payphone.

Finally, Tony and Gob parted for air, both of them panting as they looked at the other. “At this rate we won’t even make it to the hotel,” Tony said breathlessly, a smile on his face.

 “Are you sure you want to go to the hotel?” Gob asked.

Tony paused before saying, “If you’re not ready, we don’t have to.”

“No, no, it’s not that,” Gob said. “I just thought…I kinda wanna go to Naples.”

It took Tony a moment to realize what Gob was saying. He raised his eyebrows, as if to ask if he head understood him right. Gob grinned sheepishly before nodding. "I've kinda…practice a little. But I could use some help getting there."

Tony's eyebrows rose and his mouth dropped a little. Finally, he cleared his throat and nodded. “I will gladly take you to Naples,” Tony said, laughing a little in disbelief as he stepped back. “I will take you all the way to fucking Naples, yeah—just get in the car.”

“Bossy,” Gob admonished as he unlocked his car.

“Oh, I know I’m bossy. And you’re gonna love it,” Tony said, giving Gob’s ass a smack before walking around to the passenger’s side.

Gob grinned. He was pretty sure he already did.

If Gob’s life were a movie, he had no idea what they’d be able to show of his night in the hotel room with Tony. He wasn’t sure any of it was considered PG-13, and not just because he had never seen two men so much as kiss in any PG-13 movie. Maybe they’d show the sweeter moments, like the small kisses and caresses, Tony kissing Gob’s ankles where they rested on his shoulders (before thrusting into him in a very non-PG-13 friendly way), maybe some shots of one of Gob’s hands clenching the sheets or Tony’s shoulder as he came. All he knew was that “Like a Virgin” would definitely be playing in the montage of clips, because Gob had never understood Madonna’s sentiment more; he truly felt like he was being touched for the very first time. Every touch of Tony’s hands, his lips, his fingers that may have been even more talented than Gob’s, each sensation felt new and fresh and so good, and Gob was definitely giving him all his love in return.

And he was pretty sure referencing Madonna in his head was somehow even gayer than all the gay sex he and Tony had.

Honestly, Gob wasn’t sure how much longer they were going to last physically. As much as he wanted to keep exploring Tony and let Tony explore him, he was exhausted and sweaty and, honestly, the slightest bit sore. After whatever round they finished—Gob honestly wasn’t sure what the count was anymore with all the exchanges of orgasms that night—Tony laid back with his hands behind him and Gob collapsed next to him, both of them under the covers.

“I think I got you to ‘Take on Me’ high notes there,” Tony said with a small laugh, turning his head to face Gob.

“Well, yeah,” Gob muttered, blushing a lot a little. “Your finger surprised me and your beard tickles; what did you expect?”

“It was cute,” Tony said reassuringly, kissing the tip of Gob’s nose, his cheek, his forehead. “And pretty sexy, too,” he admitted with a grin. “I kinda like finding out your ticklish spots.”

“Yeah?” Gob asked. Tony nodded and Gob grinned. “I kinda like you finding them.”

Tony smiled. “Good.” With that, he moved an arm to wrap around Gob’s shoulder while Gob moved up to snuggle against Tony’s neck in an all too familiar position for the two of them.

“Your hair gel smells nice,” Gob murmured. Tony thanked him. “I love you.”

Tony absent mindedly ran his hand through Gob’s hair. As the two of them moved to look at each other again, Tony said, “I love you, too.”

Chapter Text

At This Moment You Mean Everything

Gob Bluth studied his reflection in the mirror, analyzing every last detail for what had to be the millionth time. Hair? Perfect, if a couple inches shorter than what he was used to despite having the hair cut for a few days. Cool shirt? Check, though it wasn’t like anyone could see it over the suit jacket. Great pants? Of course, and held up by a Gucci belt with a large G on it—still his signature. Yeah, some things were still the same as they always were, he thought as he smiled at himself. He definitely looked good, just like he always did.

“Hey, Gob, can you help me with my bowtie?”

Gob turned around, his breath nearly catching in his throat at the sight of Tony in his tux. “Wow,” Gob said softly. “You look great.”

“Yeah?” Tony asked, posing a little for his boyfriend.

“Really great,” Gob said, smiling as he pulled him in close. “Reminds me of our first time.” Of course, there had been many times since then—many, many times—but Gob still held their first time close in his heart.

“Mhmm? Me, too,” Tony said. He tilted his face up to meet Gob’s lips, but, somehow, he managed to pull himself off before he got carried away. At Gob’s whine, Tony said, “I need to keep my clothes on, not take them off.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to stop kissing,” Gob said with a pout.

“Gob, I know you. And us.” Tony raised an eyebrow and, after a few seconds, Gob sighed and dropped his hands. His boyfriend was right, as per usual. “Thank you. Now bowtie, please.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Gob said, leaning down just a bit so he could tie his bowtie. “You’re very bossy for someone who doesn’t know how to do a bowtie that isn’t a clip-on.” After he tied it, he grinned and said, “You’re actually very bossy in general.”

Tony shrugged with his own grin. “You can’t complain; you know you love being told what to do.”

“Hey, you can’t say stuff like that and expect me to not want to get naked.”

“Not until after the wedding, babe,” Tony said, reaching up to straighten Gob’s tie. “And then only if you’re good.” He smirked up at Gob as his boyfriend groaned.

“You’re the worst.”

“Maybe, but you love me.”

“…Yeah, I do.”

Tony smiled and leaned up to give Gob a peck on the lips. “And I love you, too.” After another kiss, just the slightest bit longer than a peck, Tony said, “Now let’s get to that wedding.”

Gob sat in the front row of the bride’s side of the aisle, making sure to leave enough room for Tony’s parents as he waited for the wedding to start. He made some small talk with some of Tony’s aunts he had met over the years, a little nervous to do so, since he still wasn’t sure how people were going to feel about him and Tony dating, something they would definitely realize once they were at the reception together. They had already decided they weren’t going to hide it.

Hell, sometimes Gob still didn’t know how he felt about it. Like, yeah, he obviously loved Tony and he loved dating him, but sometimes, even though it had been nearly eight months since prom, Gob still couldn’t believe that it was actually all real. He couldn’t believe he was lucky enough that Tony would take a chance on him. He couldn’t believe that he was really truly, madly, deeply in love with his best friend; how did he get that lucky? And he definitely couldn’t believe he didn’t realize he was gay until about nine months earlier; how did he not see the signs?

Shortly after prom, Tony and Gob had another session watching Dirty Dancing, one that yet again included a make-out session as Gob let himself admit out loud how crazy Swayze’s hips made him feel. Re-watching Top Gun was definitely a trip once he realized he was gay. Just looking over all the posters on his bedroom walls was hilarious, because how could he not realize he was from the posters of Freddie Mercury and Tom Cruise and even some Olympians covering his walls? He finally got what Angela had meant. Tony would tease him about it, too, but, as Gob pointed out, it wasn’t like Tony had noticed, either.

Gob felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around. “Oh, hey,” Gob said, standing up. He reached over his chair to give Tracey a hug; he hadn’t seen her since he got back for winter break. “Happy almost New Year! How’s it goin’?”

“It’s true what they say about junior year being the most stressful,” Tracey said honestly. She smiled dreamily at Michael and said, “But at least I have the best SAT study buddy.” Michael smiled back and squeezed her hand. Lindsay rolled her eyes at them.

“So, how’s New York?” Tracey asked as she sat down.

Gob sat as well, turned in his chair to keep talking to them. “It’s great. Mostly great, if a little bit cold and uptight.”

“So basically if mom was a city,” Michael said.

“I said ‘a little bit uptight’,” Gob joked.

“How about school? How’s the Juilliard education treating you?”

Gob smiled smugly. “Straight A’s.” He laughed and admitted, “I have some pretty good study buddies myself. Like my roommate.”

“Tony helps you study?”

“Oh, no—I mean, yeah, we’ve studied at the same time and stuff, but we aren’t living together,” Gob said, frowning slightly. “Juilliard has this dumb policy that you have to live in the dorms your freshman year, so we’re both doing student housing. Even if we were, he wouldn't be able to help. He's clueless about all that stuff. Gregorian chants are hard to tell apart.”

It had been a disappointing fact Gob had discovered once he started registering. In the end, it was probably for the best since it meant he and Tony actually got to meet classmates and get to know people in their year, but it also meant that, you know, the whole living together thing wasn’t happening. Which was half of what Gob had looked forward to in New York. It also meant that they had to actually go out of their way to meet up for dates.

But maybe that was a good thing, too. Maybe the whole situation was a good one, since it meant navigating the world independently, growing up, learning more about themselves, but still getting to turn to the other when they needed to.

Gob kept trying to tell himself that because the harm it did to his sex life was majorly depressing to think about otherwise.

It wasn’t like they never had sex. They both were out to their friends at their schools and both of them had done the whole sock on the door thing in their dorms—well, except the one time Gob forgot and his roommate and a few of their mutual friends walked in on Gob bent over his desk with Tony’s boxers in his mouth to keep him quiet while Tony fucked him. While they had been mostly cool about it, Gob couldn’t look them in the eye for weeks. It didn’t help that when Gob got worked up in a rant in some music discussion they were having, one of them suggested they find a pair of Tony’s underwear to make him shut up.

It also didn’t help that Tony had been there and laughed at it as well. But the blow job he gave Gob afterwards made up for it.

Anyways, they obviously still had sex, and Gob’s roommate learned to knock just in case, but it wasn’t as often as Gob would’ve liked. But part of that was probably because Gob still felt all Madonna-y whenever he was with Tony. Everything still felt new—every position, every touch, every kiss, everything made him feel like a virgin each time. He couldn’t get enough of it from Tony; he wasn’t sure he would ever get enough of it even if they were living together. Gob had always thought he was insatiable because no girl ever made him feel satisfied, but Tony made him insatiable in the way that he was addicted to his everything.

It honestly made getting their magic act up to part nearly impossible. How were either of them supposed to concentrate on their magic acts when they were too busy getting busy? Of course, it also didn’t help that being away from Gob’s home and legendary parties meant less places to perform. Still, they had managed to make some improvements, and they had even started working on a new illusion since they got back from school.

“Would Tony’s parents really have agreed to help pay for you guys to live together anyways?” Michael asked. He knew they had been struggling with Tony’s sexuality since he came out, and he remembered the weird tension during the last few breakfasts they had during the previous school year when Tony would kiss Gob on the cheek or vice versa. And that was usually the most amount of PDA they did in front of their family members past holding hands.

Gob shrugged. “I don’t know. Most of Tony’s money comes from student loans and his work study anyways. But I think they’d help. They’ve gotten a lot better about it.”

That was definitely true. When he and Tony came forward with their relationship, first telling Tony’s older siblings and parents, since they had still been the only ones who knew Tony was bi, they had been a bit uncomfortable. The doors open policy increased and while Tony was still allowed at Gob’s house, he wasn’t allowed to spend the night and he had a strict curfew for the first couple of months.

It was, surprisingly, Tony’s brother who managed to tell them they were being ridiculous and hypocritical. After all, while their parents never would let him sleepover at a girlfriend’s house, they never enforced such a strict curfew on him or Chiara or even Angela, no matter who they were dating.

After that, they let go of the reigns a bit. And while it still took a little while for Gob to not feel all awkward and stammer-y around them, by the time he and Tony left for college, Giulia and Big D were back to being more like his parents than his actual parents.

Of course, Lizzie, Pip, and Mike all took it in stride. In fact, they hardly seemed surprised by the knowledge that their brother liked guys, at least not when it came to the idea of his brother being in love with Gob.

“Well, mom and dad would’ve helped, only ‘cause they still don’t know,” Lindsay pointed out.

“Yeah, because we aren’t dumb enough to tell them,” Gob said with a snort. He knew one day they’d tell them, one day when he was completely financially independent and when he was ready. He actually would’ve told them all the way back in April when he told Tony he would, but Gob had secretly been relieved when Tony agreed telling his parents right then wasn’t as important as having financial support. It helped that they both loved the idea of Gob living a gay lifestyle off of his parents’ money, and he was more than happy to have Gob pull out his credit card for their dates—and for some of the sex toys they had collected while they were away.

Before they could talk any longer, the crowd was hushed and the ceremony began.

Honestly, Gob had been a bit surprised that Chiara of all people would choose to have a New Year’s Eve wedding, but he figured that if he had the opportunity to marry someone on the same day as he celebrated the end of one decade and the beginning of another, he’d probably go with it, too. And, hey, he had to admit that her sisters all pulled off the gold, sparkly dresses they wore for the theme, and he really thought the silver colored bowtie looked particularly great on his boyfriend. Then again, he was pretty biased. 

Tony and Angela came in together sometime after Pip, Mike, Lizzie, and one of David’s siblings made it down the aisle. Gob caught Tony’s eye as he walked arm-in-arm with Angela and blew him a kiss. Tony was professional enough to not try to catch it or send it back, but he did send him a wink that made Gob grin even more. They split off in the middle once they reached the altar, Angela going to the bride’s side and Tony going off to the groom’s, since they had chosen to keep all of the women on Chiara’s side and most of the men on David’s. Gob didn’t get it, but it almost meant he got to watch Tony’s face throughout the ceremony. It maybe wasn’t as fun as watching his ass the whole time, but oh well.

Daniel came in by himself and was the only man who stood on Chiara’s side. While Angela was given the maid of honor title, Daniel, the sibling Chiara was closest to, was her Man of Honor, and he was proud of that title. He smiled proudly as he took his position, looking happier than he normally looked during the winter months.

After the flower girl and ring bearer walked in, all the guests stood up as Chiara, with both of her parents, walked down the aisle. Gob couldn’t help but beam just from how much she was beaming. Gob had never seen her look so happy. And while he didn’t know that David guy very well, he was sure he had ever seen a smile that big from him, either.

Once her parents each gave her a kiss on the cheek, they sat down next to Gob in the front row. Giulia grabbed Gob’s hand and gave it a soft squeeze, still holding it as they watched the ceremony.

In all honesty, Gob couldn’t tell you what vows were said or what the ceremony was like at all after that. He found his mind wandering as he watched, his eyes going back to Tony throughout the whole thing. He wondered what it’d be like to be up there with him, both of them at the altar, telling the world how much they loved each other and becoming husband and husband.

Gob knew it was ridiculous to think that far ahead. They hadn't even been dating for a year yet. And, yeah, it wasn’t even legal for them to get married and, yeah, there was the whole thing where he hadn’t told his parents about it, either. But still. Gob was allowed to fantasize, wasn’t he?

And when he caught Tony’s eye during the vows and Tony mouthed the words, “I love you”, Gob had a feeling he was fantasizing the same thing.

The wedding reception was honestly like a second chance at prom for Gob and Tony. Since they had agreed to be public about their relationship—and because Chiara had also approved it since Tony had wanted to make sure she wouldn’t get upset with them possibly causing some controversy or stealing attention or whatever—it meant they got to dance to all those songs they didn’t on the night that was technically their anniversary. They jammed to their favorite rock songs, they slow danced when they were given the opportunity, and they excitedly danced together to Whitney, both of them rejoicing in dancing with somebody who loved them. Gob even came up with new words to a song, singing something about "Come on, Tony" as they danced, making his boyfriend laugh.

Despite dancing together, they still hadn’t kissed each other. Not yet. While they had gotten comfortable with kissing in public in New York, at least for the most part, kissing in front of either of their family members, no matter how accepting they were, seemed rather daunting. Yeah, their first make-out was in front of the twins and Tracey and Eve, but they had been pretty much chaste in front of them since.

Now what Lindsay and Michael may have heard coming from Gob’s bedroom over the summer was another story.

“I see you two are keeping it PG,” Angela commented at one point when they took a break from dancing to sit with Lindsay, Michael, and Tracey.

“Someone has to,” Tony commented with a nod to her cleavage. It was definitely spilling more than Chiara had probably intended on her sister.

“I can’t help what God gave me,” she said primly. “Or what measurements the salesgirl wrote down on the order form.”

“Everyone’s hair looks lovely, Angela,” Lindsay told her.

“Thank you,” Angela said with a smile. “It helps that you happened to pick the best dresses for all of us.”

“Thank you. I did do good job, didn’t I?” Lindsay said with a proud smile.

“Beauty school must be treating you well,” Michael said. Gob couldn’t help but laugh a little. Just over a year ago, Michael would’ve stumbled over that statement or spilled his drink down his front or something. But he barely even seemed to notice her cleavage and instead wrapped an arm around his girlfriend casually as he talked to Angela like she was a human being.

“It really is,” Angela said proudly. “Much better than Chapman. And my parents saved a bunch of money by letting me do the hair and make-up, so, really, the tuition is paying itself.”

She turned back to Gob and Tony. “But, come on, you guys have been in New York. I expected some more of those club moves or something by now. Grinding or something to help liven up the party,” she teased. “You guys do go clubbing up there, right? I know you two have decent fake IDs.”

“Clubs are fun but overpriced,” Tony said with a shrug, “and overrated. We don’t go to them too much.”

Without thinking, Gob laughed and said, “Yeah, I much prefer grinding on your brother’s dick when we’re naked and alone.”

While Michael and Tracey looked mildly uncomfortable, Lindsay snorted and Angela bursted into laughter. Tony had the weirdest look of embarrassment, amusement, and smugness on his face. “He really does,” Tony admitted with a shrug. “He also prefers when he can be the loudest thing in the area.”

“True,” Michael and Lindsay said at the same time with a shudder.

“I can’t help it that you make me scream, Wonder,” Gob said.

Tony just smirked in response before changing the subject. "We did go out clubbing, like, every weekend during October. They love Halloween there," he said excitedly.

"Yeah. I think it's, like, the gay version of the Super Bowl," Gob said.

"Except all month long," Tony said. "So we had different costumes every weekend."

Gob nodded. "Yep. Finally got to make up for last year and do Freddie and Bowie."

"And we did another Bowie combo, but different costume for Bowie," Tony said. "Me as Bowie and Gob as Mick Jagger from 'Dancing in the Street'."

"That is the gayest music video of all time," Lindsay said, Angela nodding in agreement.

"And my hair was almost long enough to really be Jagger's," Gob said.

Tony nodded. "Yeah, it was…" He turned to his sister and said, "Thanks for finally cutting it." Gob rolled his eyes and lightly hit his arm. He looked just fine with his long hair, thank you very much.

They danced some more until the last minutes of 1989 started to approach. Lindsay had managed to find one of Tony's cousins for a midnight kiss and Angela found one of David's brothers—after completely vetting that he was not related to her in any way. She wasn't interested in any of that happening.

With some finagling, Tony and Gob managed to grab champagne—well, as the Bluths pointed out, it was just sparkling wine since it wasn't from the actual region of Champagne, but everyone else told them to shut up—for themselves, Lindsay, Michael, Tracey, and Angela, who were still all under 21. But, come on, how could they not have some champagne to ring in the New Year? Particularly a new decade.

"God, I can't believe the '80s are ending," Lindsay said. "I hope the '90s as even more fun."

"I'm not sure anything can beat the '80s, though," Angela said.

"It was a good decade," Gob said. He looked at Tony and said, "But I think we can make the '90s pretty great, too."

Tony looked back up at him with a smile. "I think you're right." Gob tilted his head down to gently rub his nose against Tony's, both of them smiling.

"I think you two are gross," Lindsay mumbled with a roll of her eyes.

"I think you're jealous," Gob fired back, pulling away from Tony.

"I think—"

"You guys ready?" Angela asked, breaking up any sort of argument that could happen.

"I don't think we have a choice to be ready or not," Michael said. 

"True. We just have a minute left," Tracey pointed out.

At the thirty second mark, people started to count down excitedly. Gob wrapped an arm around Tony's shoulders and Tony wrapped one around his waist. They looked at each other with soft smiles, not breaking their eye contact until the 10 second mark.

Much like the year before, the two of them joined in the countdown—the final countdown of the year—and were, indeed, the loudest of the whole crowd. 

“…5…4…3…2…1…HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

The two of them wrapped their arms around each other just like they had the years before, but, this time, they exchanged a nice, long kiss as others rang noise makers and popped confetti and started singing "Auld Lang Syne". When they finally parted lips, the two of them stayed intertwined and managed to clink their glasses together before drinking it all down. As the DJ started playing music again, the two stayed together, exchanging a few more kisses. It felt like a scene from some movie.

But, of course, Gob’s life wasn’t a movie. There were real problems, real issues, and there wasn’t a way to just show a montage instead of actually doing the work. But, as he welcomed in the new decade with his boyfriend in his arms, he realized that it was okay that his life wasn’t a movie.

His life was better than any movie could be.