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Loads of movies depict it and even more people fantasize about it, but Kasuga can say with certainty that being in a secret relationship with your boss isn’t as amazing as it is cracked up to be. Of course, she loves Makina, but having a secret relationship whilst working in a place like Deadman Wonderland is very difficult.
For starters, Makina works incredibly long hours, so long that she regularly spends all night at the prison and never comes home to their apartment. Kasuga knows it can’t be helped, but she often wishes her partner could have more time off duty so they can actually be a couple. But if Kasuga brings this up, Makina tells her she would love to work less, but with such a clearly corrupt person in charge of Deadman Wonderland, she has no choice but to work too much.
Also, a lot of the prisoners in this place sexually harass the female guards if they get too close. of course, Kasuga understands that these men are dangerous (after all, they are on death row and are living in what is basically an arena of bloodshed and death), but she never forgets the terror of the looks in their eyes. More than once, prisoners have gotten inches away from her breasts before Kasuga hits them with her stun gun and gets them sent to solitary confinement (or Makina comes along and slashes them with her sword, which Kasuga admits is going too far but she doesn’t want to raise the issue again). Some prisoners have openly talked about how they will rape her, their words so graphic she wants to throw up. She came to work here because she needs the money, not to get threatened with rape by the people she is supposed to have power over. So when work is over for the day, the last thing Kasuga wants is to go home and be intimate with her partner, thoughts of sex ruined by thoughts of the harassment and threats she gets at work.
And that’s not even mentioning the weirdness of a relationship with such a huge power imbalance. Now, Kasuga has to admit she likes power imbalances in the bedroom, and is always the sub when she has sex with her domme, but that is only ever a BDSM scene and every kinkster knows it’s the sub who is really in charge. But at work, there is no safeword. Makina is her boss, an incredibly high ranking officer at Deadman Wonderland, and Kasuga’s shifts, salary and her entire job rest in her partner’s hands. Now, she know Makina loves her and respects her as a prison guard, making this all unlikely, but… sometimes, Kasuga feels weird to know her partner has total control over her income. Her partner isn’t abusive in the slightest, but… if she were to become abusive, wouldn’t Kasuga be trapped?
These sorts of thoughts regularly swirl through Kasuga’s head, even when she is at work and really should be concentrating on her duties, and she never knows what to do with them. Now, Kasuga is pretty open about how she feels about Deadman Wonderland (the whole idea of a privately run prison is messed up and the things they put the prisoners through for the public’s entertainment make her puke if she watches and all the higher-ups seem to be corrupt), but at the end of the day, this is the place she works and it’s hard to get a job in this region after the Red Hole incident literally sank Tokyo, and she can’t just up and leave regardless of how working at Deadman Wonderland makes her skin crawl. And then… well, even if she did decide to quit, that would mean leaving Makina behind.
Why must this all be so difficult?
But, regardless of how all of this makes her feel sick with confused emotions, regardless of how the power imbalance in her relationship with Makina makes her feel a bit weird, and regardless of how she hates working at this prison, Kasuga doesn’t leave. Because it pays well and, well… she wants to be with Makina as much as she possibly can.
And despite her violent behaviour and somewhat terrifying management style, Makina is the best girlfriend she has ever had. even though it is against protocol, Makina didn’t turn her away when Kasuga awkwardly asked her out one night, Makina treats her with respect, Makina gives her the best orgasms she has ever had when they make love, and Makina is always there to protect her when life at Deadman Wonderland gets dangerous. Kasuga loves her, and Makina loves her too.
And so when she is feeling down and anxious about the ethics of this life and scared of what will happen next time she bumps into a prisoner, she knows Makina will be there. And a day at work doesn’t go by without Makina approaching her whenever they are private and in a security camera’s blind spot, and giving her a short but passionate kiss.
So, yes, a relationship with a power imbalance is definitely overrated. But Kasuga still wouldn’t change it for the world.