Chapter Text
They had just finished a grueling dance practice routine, and Seokjin's lungs feel like they were collapsing in on themselves.
Seokjin grabbed a fluffy towel from his bag and dabbed forcefully at the sweat that had already soaked his entire body. He always got angsty when he sweats too much, fearing that his pack would smell something they shouldn’t. It had been years since he started using the neutralizers, and he knew how unreliable they could be, especially with the heavy physical exertion that they had to undergo everyday. An omega’s scent was such a core part of them that trying to disguise it was like trying to perfectly cover every inch of skin with paint; sooner or later a part of the real thing, however small, would inevitably peek through.
He had always tried his best to stick close to Taehyung at all times because of this, hoping that the Omega’s sweet and potent scent would overpower his own, especially when it was already muted by the scent spray. But Taehyung was being hoarded by one of the Alphas at the moment, so Seokjin just had to be a bit more careful.
When they first started out as trainees, he had been constantly cautious and watchful, to a point where it eventually turned into a kind of paranoia that haunted him wherever he went. It had been years since then, and being around a pack that was so open and loving and free everyday had rubbed off on him more or less, turned him soft and optimistic in a way that he promised himself he would never become.
They completely redefined his preconceived notions of what sub-gender norms were meant to be for him. People like Namjoon,for example, who was an Alpha as broad and tall and dominant as he was quiet and thoughtful and gentle. Or Jimin who, despite his impressive muscles and rock-hard abs, was really a baby at heart — their soft and squishy little mochi. And Taehyung, his magnetic and ethereal Taehyung, who on and off-stage exuded a fierceness and energy that none of their Alphas could replicate.
He had looked up to and admired Taehyung so much back in the day, when their group as a whole still had nothing and Seokjin alone had even less, and more now when they were on top of the world. Taehyung had a way of owning the spotlight, owning stage as if it was tailor-made for him, as if no one else’s admiration or criticism or opinions mattered. He had a way of making everyone fall in love with him and Seokjin was, of course, no exception.
It solidified the Omega’s reasoning for the decision he made all those years ago, gave him even more justification. Even though back then he had just done it mostly out of fear, he’s convinced now that he had indeed made the right choice.
For people who had unmatched beauty and talent and endless charisma like Taehyung, who regardless of any other external factors, were destined to become a star, being an Omega was just another complimenting character. It gave him a softer side, made more relatable and human.
For plain, talentless, shy Seokjin, being an Omega was not only a flaw, it was a vulnerability.
Seokjin already had enough issues to deal with as it is; he couldn’t dance, couldn’t sing, couldn’t compose. He was already useless and unable to carry his own weight in the team, he couldn’t pile on top of that Omega issues; painful heats and neediness during rut season and sub-drops that could potentially be triggered at any time.
The pack already had a mated Omega, they didn’t need another one to throw off the balance of their dynamic. What they needed was a logical, clear-headed Beta hyung who could help keep under control escalating passions in the pack.
And so that’s what Seokjin became. Even though it hurt him sometimes, even if some nights he wished he could just put it all down and let the truth out, if he had to decide all over again he wouldn’t have done anything differently. This pack had given him so much, and if this was the only way he could repay them, lessen some of the burden they had to carry on his behalf, he would more than gladly do it.
“Guys, five minutes is up.” Hoseok reminded gently, his voice reverberating clearly nonetheless through the spacious dance studio. Seokjin tiredly picked himself up off the floor, knowing that the younger wouldn’t be asking so gently in a few minutes if they didn’t get their ass back to practice.
He sighed as a breathless moan sounded to his right, knowing not to lift his head and be assaulted with an image that he didn’t want to see and risk not being able to forget it later, or even worse, wanting himself to be in that position. He knew without looking that it was Jungkook and Taehyung anyway.
“Gukkie, Tae,” Yoongi scolded, tone clipped and disappointed, “We’ve discussed this before, you should know not to be doing that here. At least wait until we get home.”
Namjoon nodded, “You need to respect others in a public spaces, Guk-ah.”
‘Others’ being Seokjin. He wasn’t a part them, of their bond, because as a Beta he can’t be mated to them. He knew Namjoon only had good intentions, didn’t mean anything malicious by it, but it hurt to be constantly reminded. Seokjin really should be thanking the Alpha for saving him from having to watch the people he closest to him being affectionate, loving each other the way Seokjin knows he can never be loved.
“Sorry.” Jungkook mumbles guiltily. Seokjin can feel almost every pair of eyes in the room glancing pointedly at him. He ignores it, this isn’t the first time anyway.
They go back to practicing a minute later, when Hoseok yells at them to get back into places a little more forcefully.
After the session, Taehyung clings to him the entire way home. He always gets like this when he feels uncomfortable or guilty about something. The elder does his best to wordlessly reassure him. It wasn’t Tae’s fault, anyways. He was probably acting that way because his heat was coming soon;Seokjin can smell it on him. It was only natural that his inner wolf was craving physical contact with his mates.
Situations like this make Seokjin feel endlessly guilty, for being a part of their team, for being a useless hyung, for not being a Beta.
His only job was to keep stability in their group, yet even then he failed them. He needs to get better at controlling his emotions, his envy and sadness and anger. He needed to stop forcing his members to worry constantly, to restrict themselves in order to make him feel comfortable.
"Who's rooming with who tonight?" It was Yoongi, looking completely drained and like he might pass out at any second. They got off the car silently, single file, dragging their feet on the pavement as exhaustion began setting in deep in their bones.
“We should do pack night tonight,” Jungkook suggested, perking up a little, “Taehyung’s cycle…”
“I’m fine, “the Omega cut off, shaking his head “We’re all tired, we should just keep the same rooming arrangement. It’s such a hassle for everyone to move around.”
“But we have to get on the plane tomorrow,” Jimin whined, “everyone will be jetlagged and even more tired then."
Normally, at this point, Seokjin would immediately raise his hand and volunteer to give up his and Yoongi’s room, since theirs was always the most spacious and likely the cleanest. Tonight, though, he was just so physically and mentally exhausted, that he couldn’t do it. He can’t be the bigger person and leave the comfort of his own room to go sleep in a messy bed or in the couch in the living room of their suite so that the pack could fuck their Omega in peace. Taehyung wasn’t even in his heat yet!
He stayed quiet, not making eye contact with any of them even when Yoongi’s expectant gaze landed on him.
“We can use my room,” Jungkook said, after a long beat of awkward silence.
“Okay then, let’s go.” Hoseok said lightly. They all quickly entered the hotel lobby, seeming a lot more awake now that they all had something to look forward to.
That left Seokjin alone, once again, to wallow in guilt. What was wrong with him lately? He had been so hot and cold, angry and resentful one minute and unbearably needy and touchy the next. Not only was he not improving and adapting to become a better Beta, after all these years of being suppressed his stupid Omega instinct seemed only to be getting worse, even manifesting in ways that were becoming increasingly problematic. He should probably ask his physician to crank up the concentration of his heat suppressants again. They’ve had to do that a number of times over the years, and they had always worked fine, but lately they seemed to have become less and less effective.
He trudged slowly up to his hotel room, even more empty now that Yoongi had packed up all his stuff and moved to Jungkook’s room to join the rest of the pack.
Seokjin sighed frustratedly. If only he really had presented as a Beta , this would all have been perfectly fine, he would have enjoyed the peace and quiet instead of feeling dejected and wallowing in self-pity—
His train of thought was cut off suddenly by his phone vibrating in his pocket.
He frowned. Who would be calling at this time?
He had already spoken to his parents earlier in the day, and all their managers and staff should be resting by now, considering they had left them over half an hour ago.
“Hello?”
“Seokjin.” A clipped voice greeted. Seokjin fought to suppress the urge to roll his eyes. Doctor Pyeon always spoke as if he had a stick permanently lodged up his backside. The Omega male was a good personal physician and he silently provided a lot of help and support to Seokjin over the years, but his personality was not one of his shining qualities.
It had been hard at first to convince their management to let him have his own physician, but he got away eventually by claiming the Beta sub-gender had certain ‘specific needs’, separate from those Alphas and Omegas had.
“Hi Doctor Pyeon.” Seokjin responded with the same amount of enthusiasm. “Is there something wrong?”
“Yes.” He said simply.
“Care to elaborate?” Seokjin does roll his eyes this time, he’s too tired for this shit. What’s so important that it couldn’t wait until the morning?
“Your body is rejecting the heat suppressants you’ve been taking.”
Seokjin almost drops the phone in his hand, face drained completely of blood. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, your latest tests came back, and your body hasn’t been absorbing any of the chemicals being pumped into you. If they aren’t absorbed, your Omega instincts aren’t going to be adequately suppressed.”
“Okay,” Seokjin says, willing himself not to panic yet, “We can just crank up the concentration, like we did before.”
“Seokjin,” Doctor Pyeon said slowly, as if talking to very small, very oblivious child. It made Seokjin want to punch something. “We are dealing with very potent, very dangerous chemicals. You’re already taking doses that are right up at the limit where it would be deemed safe. We cannot go any higher than that or we risk organ failure, probably even death. Not to mention that cranking up the dosage like we did the past few years will just speed up the process of your body rejecting the drugs and becoming even more unresponsive.”
“I-It will be fine. My body is already used to really high doses and—“
“It will not be fine.” Doctor Pyeon snapped. If Seokjin didn’t know better, he would go as far as to say he sounded almost...scared. “This is all my fault. I should have never allowed you to abuse those suppressants the way you did. You are an Omega, Seokjin, no amount of suppressants flowing through your veins will ever change that. I understand the fame, your love for that group, but you can’t hide this any longer. It’s going to kill you. It is killing you! Your body can’t process that much chemicals all at once and still function normally, you can’t force it to fight against its own base instincts, and you’ve done it for years! It’ll destroy you system if you keep going, your reproductive abilities, you’ll cease being an Omega.”
“It can’t be that bad,” Seokjin says desperately, “I don’t feel any different, I swear—“
“Listen, Jin-ah. I can’t do this anymore.” His tone was quiet, but it sounded final. “I agreed to this whole thing in the first place because you told me it would be temporary, that you just needed to find the right time to tell everyone, but that obviously isn’t the case. You need to ease off the suppressants immediately until they’re out of your system and you’ve completely recovered, or I’ll have no choice.” Seokjin heard him take a deep breath. “I will be forced to tell management and your group about the truth. The whole thing.”
“Are you threatening me?” Seokjin snarled incredulously. “My pack’s entire career—“
“I am telling you the truth. I cannot let a patient die under my watch. I will not prescribe you anymore pills, I will not give you shots. This end right now.”
“Pyeon Sung Jun!”
“Call me if you have any questions.” Before Seokjin could protest any further, though, he hangs up.
The Omega lets out a shaky breath that he didn’t know he was holding.
This is it.
Unless he can find a way to get illegal suppressants on the streets, which would probably be laced with carcinogenic ingredients that would kill him just as quickly as the suppressants will, everyone will know. Everyone he’s ever cared about. They’ll hate him, for being deceitful, for lying to them outright, for not being a Beta.
The omega puts his head in hands, letting a few tears leak out onto his open palms.
Weak. Weak. Weak.
Before he descends into a full-blown panic attack, though, a knock on the door forces him to sit up.
“Gimme a minute!” Seokjin hastily wipes at his face to get rid of any residual tear tracks. It’s probably Yoongi, coming back for something he forgot.
He’s greeted, instead, by Taehyung’s smiling face.
“Tae! What are you doing here?” He swallows discreetly, trying to clear out the tears clogging his throat, “Where are the Alphas?”
“Asleep.” The Omega grinned mischievously, although Seokjin can tell he was tired. There were fresh bite marks on his neck, signifying that he’d just been knotted. The smell of sex still clung to his skin, and Seokjin can’t help but wonder what could warrant an Omega to leave their nest and their Alphas right after a knotting. The venemous green beast in Seokjin’s belly rears its ugly head, and he bites it back angrily.
“Then why are you here?” Seokjin blinked in confusion.
“Wanted to be with you.” He giggled. The sound made something bright and warm bloom in Seokjin’s chest. He’s reminded all over again of why he had a crush on Taehyung in the first place. He brought light to everything he touched, simply because he himself was so good, so pure, so loving. “You never show any interest in being around us anymore.” He said accusingly, “I miss you. We all do.”
“I’m a Beta.” It was a lie, an excuse he had said so many times now that it rolled off his tongue as naturally as his own name. “We don’t crave those kinds of things.”
Taehyung pouts, but ultimately nods in understanding. “Well, I don’t care,” he says, with almost childish enthusiasm, “cause I’m staying with you tonight. So scooch over.”
The younger yanked Seokjin until they were on the bed, flinging the duvet out of the way haphazardly and opening his arms so that Seokjin can crawl in. Even though the elder was a little taller, he ended up being the little spoon, cocooned in his dongsaeng’s softness and warmth. These were the moments he lived for, that he had traded everything he had for. It was worth it every time.
I’m going to look for those suppressants first thing in the morning, Seokjin told himself. What he had with Taehyung, with the pack now was too good, too precious to be destroyed by his own silly mistakes. He had one job, to keep the stability of the group, and he’s going to do it, at any cost.