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It all started with Atsushi's terrible habit of letting his mind (and his gaze) wander without his supervision or permission. From the moment Atsushi had looked at the chocolate store displaying bright pink and red hearts for a minute too long, his fate had been sealed.
Despite his attempts at a poorly executed excuse about being hungry and nothing more, Kyouka narrowed her eyes and asked, without any warning, “Do you like someone?”
Atsushi, who was already overwhelmed with embarrassment at being caught staring, and for accidentally screaming earlier when he tried to defend himself a little too enthusiastically, could only nod under Kyouka's intense gaze.
“Yes, I do,” was all he managed to say in a meek voice.
Kyouka, satisfied with the discovery, also nodded her head, finally dropping her eyes back to the sidewalk. Atsushi followed her in slow, defeated steps, lagging behind her so Kyouka wouldn't notice that Atsushi was clutching his chest like he just ran a marathon.
After a moment of peaceful silence, Kyouka turned back to him.
“You should give him chocolate, if that's what you want to do,” she said.
“‘Him’?”
“Dazai.” Kyouka didn't even attempt to explain how she got to that conclusion, and Atsushi was too afraid to ask, much less deny it.
Atsushi scratched his cheek, eyes downcast. “I wasn't planning on confessing, really.”
“Why not?”
Atsushi opened his mouth to reply, but paused when he realized he had no idea how to explain all the resignation that filled him at the thought of it without sounding just as pitiful as he did back at the hostage situation with Tanizaki. So he just shrugged, and replied with a simple, “It's just too embarrassing.”
“You don't need to say anything, just give him the chocolate.”
“Isn't that even more embarrassing?!” Atsushi wanted to cover his face just at the thought of it. “Besides, what if he didn't get it? Maybe he'd think it's just obligation chocolate, for everything he's done for me until now.” Atsushi sighed to himself. “I don't know what I'd do then.”
Kyouka tilted her head. “You can just clarify what you mean.”
“You make it sound so simple, Kyouka-chan.”
“You make it too complicated,” Kyouka countered bluntly.
Atsushi chuckled, aware of the truth in her words. “Probably.”
This time around, Atsushi knew that Kyouka's silence meant only that she was deep in thought, gathering herself before speaking.
So, when she stopped walking altogether and turned to face Atsushi, he was more or less expecting it—though he did have to halt before bumping into the girl.
“A gift.”
“Huh?”
“You should give him a gift, then.”
“Didn't you hear the part where I said I have no intention to confess?” Atsushi asked with a sigh. “And I wouldn't know what to give him.”
“A plushie,” Kyouka answered promptly, as if she had it ready beforehand. “Like a keychain.”
“I don't get how you decided that would be a good gift.”
“I saw some back at that shop. They were cute.” Atsushi blinked at her, and Kyouka never changed her facial expression. “There was a white tiger.”
Atsushi scrunched his nose and made a face at Kyouka.
“I really don't get how you got to that.”
...
Atsushi was echoing the same words he said to Kyouka before at himself now, thinking about the gift hidden in his pocket. The little white tiger, hanging from a keychain and holding a red heart that said “I like you!” weighed him down, and, as if carrying rocks instead of a small plushie, Atsushi walked stiffly.
He hadn't had the mind to ask for wrapping paper, squeaking at the mere insinuation that it was a gift to someone. Given the sympathetic look the clerk gave him, Atsushi was willing to bet he was as transparent as clear glass.
When it came to Dazai—or rather, his feelings towards him—it seemed Atsushi was incapable of calming down. Moreso when the person in question walked beside him, humming to himself with a carelessness that further contrasted with Atsushi's nervous posture. Dazai, who had yet to remark on Atsushi's odd behavior, smiled with amusement every time their eyes met.
“Say, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai started, peeking one eye open to watch Atsushi. “I've been meaning to ask all day, but, aren't you acting weirder than usual?”
Atsushi laughed awkwardly, staring back at Dazai without blinking. “No, nope. Isn't it just your impression?”
Dazai hummed, a grin blossoming on his face. “You're totally hiding something, you can't lie to me!” Dazai paused and struck a thoughtful pose. “Or maybe I should say you can't lie at all?”
“You don't need to point that out!” Atsushi huffed and crossed his arms. He averted his eyes before continuing, “It's none of your business, really.”
Which was the most ironic thing to say, but it was out of his mouth now, so Atsushi would just have to deal with the consequences of saying it.
“None of my business, you say.” Dazai leaned closer, smile wide and sweet and something Atsushi would appreciate if he didn't feel entirely intimidated by it. “Everything is my business, Atsushi-kun, especially if it's about my subordinates!”
Atsushi inclined his body away, trying to put some distance between them, but Dazai only followed, face close enough to make his heart beat desperately fast in a cry for help. Atsushi could almost hear it saying SOS as warmth flooded his face.
“It's— Not something you'd be interested in?” Atsushi hurried to find an excuse, but his uncertainty showed in the question mark he couldn't keep out of his sentence.
“I'm always interested in you, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai replied, voice low, like he was telling Atsushi a secret.
Atsushi squeaked, then hurriedly clamped his mouth shut against any more incriminating noises. “It's just, really— I—”
Atsushi, unable to take it anymore, put his hands on Dazai chest and pushed. “I'll tell you, please just let me breathe!”
Dazai, satisfied, let the distance between them grow, nodding. Atsushi put a hand to his chest and sighed in relief—though the break was brief, as Dazai was looking at him expectantly.
Atsushi raised his eyes to see that the street light had turned green for them, so Atsushi kept walking—even if just so he wouldn't be in others’ way—Dazai following close behind.
“Well, you see, I just wanted to tell you…” Atsushi sneaked a glance towards Dazai, shying away when he found Dazai already looking back. “I've been meaning to say, that, uhm—”
Atsushi blew out a harsh breath through his nose in frustration, hands twisting together. He had already given up on fighting down the blush spreading on his face and down his neck.
“Atsushi-kun?” Dazai poked his cheek, raising his eyebrows. “What is it, tell me, you'll tell me right? If you don't tell me I'll be sad, tell me, tell me—”
“I got it, geez!” Atsushi batted Dazai's hand away, pouting. “You're not making this any easier.”
“Making what easier?”
“Please don't say anything, I'm begging you…” Atsushi glanced to his pocket. “Let's just do this, I guess.”
“Ooh?”
Atsushi put a hand on his pocket, Dazai's eyes almost glinting like Atsushi was about to hand him the secrets to the universe. He just hoped Dazai would be equally as an enthusiastic to the reality of the gift.
Except, he didn't feel anything under his fingers. A look of horror dawned on him, and he frantically searched through one pocket, then the other, then the first one again. He even checked under his shirt, then around himself.
“...It's not here.”
“What isn't? You're making no sense, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai whined, pouting at him.
Atsushi paid him no mind for now, running back a few steps to see the crosswalk they just passed.
“Ah!” Atsushi couldn't help exclaim when he saw it: the small tiger, looking sad and pathetic, after being mindlessly stepped on by unsuspecting passersby.
Frantic, he continued running. “I'll be right back, Dazai-san!” Atsushi yelled back.
“Hey, wait!”
He dashed for the plushie, or at least tried to, but Atsushi was suddenly pulled back, and his arm cracked audibly with the force of it. He winced and looked back at Dazai's frowning face.
“What, were you planning to jump into moving traffic?” Dazai questioned, bringing Atsushi's attention to the now moving cars.
Helpless to help, Atsushi watched a tire roll over the keychain. He slumped with a defeated sigh. Dazai let go of his arm and put his hands on his hips.
“So, what was that all about?”
Running a hand through his hair, Atsushi waved the question away. He didn't look at Dazai, hoping that would be enough to hide how upset he truly was.
“It was just a prank, don't worry about it.”
Atsushi felt the same as the tiger plushie must have felt being squished by a car: crushed and disappointed in life as a whole. He should've known his bad luck would kick in just when he needed it to be miles away from himself. Gloomy, Atsushi pressed his cheek harder against his desk, hoping he would perhaps melt into it.
After that whole fiasco, Atsushi had to deal with Dazai questions for the entirety of the last two days. He was bombarded with them even at the most inconvenient moments; Atsushi understood that Dazai was a curious person by nature, but asking about someone's secret when there's a gun pointed at both of them isn't exactly good timing.
Giving such a cheesy gift had already embarrassed Atsushi, but now that he had nothing to save himself from having to say his feelings out loud, the prospect of confessing seemed more daunting. Technically, he was just back to how it was before, but after the mess with the keychain, Atsushi was convinced it might have been a divine warning or something.
He groaned loudly, unable to disperse the little gray cloud hovering just above his head. He was allowed to do so, now that Dazai wasn't around to pester him (neither was Kunikida, so he could whine to his heart's content without getting yelled at for his lack of productivity).
Lost in his daydreams of dissolving into the floor never to return, Atsushi didn't realize someone had decided to do something about his bad mood until they touched his shoulder. When Atsushi raised his head, he was greeted with Kenji's curious eyes and genuine smile.
It really said something about his state of mind that even Kenji's summery smile unnerved Atsushi, sensing trouble coming his way yet again.
“You seem down, did something happen?”
“Nothing important,” Atsushi mumbled, “just. Stuff.”
Kenji wasn't put off by Atsushi's words, instead beaming and patting him on the back. “Sometimes when a cow gets moody, it's just craving some company!” Kenji proceeded to pull up a chair and sit facing Atsushi. “There's no need to be so disheartened!”
Jury was still out on how he felt about being compared to a cow, but Atsushi always let it slide since it was Kenji. He was more embarrassed that someone thought he was lonely, moreso someone four years his junior. Atsushi scratched his cheek, uncomfortable. Despite his uncertainty, he at least had the courtesy to perk up and raise fully so he could also face Kenji.
Even if there was still a part of him that just wanted to hide.
“Thank you, though that's not why I'm gloomy,” Atsushi said, to Kenji's confusion.
“Then what's the problem?” The confusion lasted only a few seconds, however, as his face brightened up in realization. “Ah, is it about the Valentine's Day thing?”
Atsushi flinched, holding a hand up like he was protecting himself from a physical blow. “How did you know about that?”
“I heard it from Ranpo-san!”
“Ranpo-san?!”
Atsushi snapped his head towards the man in question, who rolled in his chair so his face was hidden from them, but Atsushi was sure he saw a smirk playing on his face. At this point, it would come as no surprise to Atsushi if the entire Agency knew about it by now if Ranpo had somehow made it into his own personal game.
“Are you going to give up on it now?”
Atsushi looked back at Kenji. “I don't know, maybe?”
“You shouldn't give up so easily! You haven't even gotten the chance to say anything, right?” Atsushi cringed; just how much had Ranpo told Kenji? “Giving up without trying isn't good. If you want to grow a new plant, it's no good to say it won't work before even watering it.”
Atsushi nodded slowly. “I suppose you aren't wrong.”
“So you should water your plant, then.”
“But I don't even know where to begin…”
“The best option is always to be the most sincere, and the person will certainly understand your feelings, is what I think.” Kenji clapped his hands together, beaming. “If we're talking about that, then wouldn't cooking be the most sincere expression of love? Why don't you try it?”
There were many times Atsushi regretted ever jumping into the river where he first met Dazai. This, hearing someone so openly talk about his feelings, was exactly one of those.
“I, uh, I'm not really good with cooking. I can make tea on rice, but that's easy,” Atsushi explained, knowing precisely the extent of his culinary skills.
“You can always ask for someone's help! With instructions, anyone could do it.”
“I don't think that's—” He tried to refute it, but one second of Kenji's earnest gaze was all it took to have Atsushi nodding in agreement. “Yeah, you're probably right.”
“If we're talking about cooking, then I think Naomi would be the best at it. I'm sure she'd be willing to help!”
“Ah, you're right!” Atsushi smiled, easily influenced by Kenji's enthusiasm. “Maybe I'll give it a shot after all.”
“Then do your best, I'm sure it'll go well!”
...
Cooking with Naomi hadn't been as hard a experience as Atsushi imagined it might be. While the girl got cranky when Atsushi made a mistake for not paying full attention to her instructions, she was otherwise an attentive and patient teacher. With her help, he had managed to make a full and appetizing lunch box (and even ended up with previously prepared meals that he and Kyouka would just need to heat up before eating).
With said lunch box safely put away in one of his desk drawers, Atsushi was feeling more confident this time around. All he needed was to pull Dazai aside at lunch break and invite him to eat it. He wasn't sure where the love confession part came in, but Atsushi was willing to just trust Kenji's word—and Dazai's own perceptiveness to figure out what he meant with it.
So, when the clock announced the lunch break, Atsushi was up before Kunikida even said anything. The man seemed impressed with his punctuality, but Atsushi wasn't concerned enough with the subject to feel proud. Instead, he clutched the lunch box tight and marched towards Dazai, who was stretching with a yawn, arms high above his head. Atsushi stopped in front of him, waiting for Dazai to settle down and open his eyes again. When he did, he peeked one teary eye open, then the other, a bit surprised to see Atsushi there.
“Do you need anything?” Dazai asked through another yawn. He blinked a few times, getting rid of the tears on his eyelashes. He looked like a cat who just woke up from its nap.
“Ah, no. Well, kind of! I was just wondering if you wanted to…” Atsushi trailed off, but he shyly lifted the lunch box, bringing Dazai's attention to it.
“Ooh, is that a lunch box?” Dazai tilted his head. “Well, I guess that makes sense, given the time.” Dazai studied the box, an amused glint playing in his eyes. “And it looks all neat and cute too, I wonder what kind of delicious things are inside! I'd love to have a taste!”
Atsushi perked up, beaming. This was it, the moment he had been waiting for.
“Well, if you want, then—” Atsushi tried to say, nudging the box closer to Dazai.
“Too bad I can't have it today, I'll just have to make you share next time. Maybe I'll even steal it!” Dazai laughed. “But for now, I need to leave or I'll get yelled at for being late again, how troublesome.”
Atsushi stared at him, then back down at the box. “What?”
“You okay, Atsushi-kub? You don't have a heatstroke or something, right?” Dazai scrutinized Atsushi for a moment and, deeming him healthy enough, nodded. “Well, I'll be going now. Good work today.”
“Wait, but—”
“See you later, Atsushi-kun!” Dazai said over his shoulder.
Atsushi mindlessly waved at him. “Have a safe trip.”
Silence descended in the room following Dazai's departure, everyone pretending not to be looking at Atsushi—but he still heard Tanizaki's wince.
“So, are you gonna eat that? I'm kinda hungry,” Ranpo said, uncaring to the current atmosphere of the room.
Atsushi sighed.
His guess that all of his friends had found out about the whole ordeal somehow wasn't wrong, as soon after Ranpo settled down happily munching on the food meant for Dazai, all of them started talking over each other, each with a different comment or suggestion. He had been listening to them chatter away without even acknowledging his presence for far too long now, and each second contributed to his growing horror.
“You could just give him sake, Dazai likes that,” Yosano was saying. “Then invite him to a few drinks, isn't it the perfect setup?”
“What kind of setup are you talking about, exactly?” Kunikida asked, appearing as distressed as Atsushi felt. “Not to mention, Atsushi can't buy or drink alcohol yet.”
“Just do it illegally, simple.”
“Don't encourage illegal consumption of alcohol!”
Yosano crossed her arms. “Well, even if he can't drink, he's still an adult, so there are other things he can do. For example—”
“Yosano,” Ranpo said through a mouthful of jellybeans, having moved on to his usual snacks after devouring the contents of the lunch box. “I don't wanna hear you say that.”
Yosano huffed. “Fine.”
Atsushi glanced between the two of them, too afraid to even imagine what Yosano intended to suggest that even Ranpo would prefer not to hear it.
Kunikida cleared his throat and adjusted his glasses. “Anyway, if we're talking about confessions, there are proper steps one should take, instead of doing it so carelessly like you’ve done so far.” He opened his notebook, leafing through the pages until he got to the one he wanted. “Thankfully, there's still time to do it properly. First of all—”
Atsushi stopped paying attention as soon as he heard “step one out of fifty four”. Having witnessed the kind of writing that could be found in Kunikida's journal before, he'd rather not absorb any of it before he went insane.
“What about a lunch date, or something of the sorts?” Kenji was the next one to suggest.
“Crepe is good,” Kyouka complemented.
“Ooh, that does sounds yummy, it'd be perfect, wouldn't it?” Kenji said, to which Kyouka nodded.
“...But why food again?” Tanizaki asked, mirroring Atsushi's thoughts exactly.
“If it's a confession, wouldn't flowers be the perfect gift?” Haruno said, clasping her hands together. “Like a bouquet of red roses, that'd be so lovely…”
“Ah, you have a point!” Naomi agreed. “That sounds so romantic.”
“Right?”
“But would he even like that kind of thing?” Yosano questioned. “It's Dazai we're talking about.”
Everyone hummed in unison, thinking about it.
“If it's Dazai, wouldn't he prefer poisonous mushrooms instead?” Kunida said, irritated just at the thought of it. “Considering his personality.”
“Then he could suggest a double suicide, it's totally fitting!” Kenji interjects, to which everyone nodded in agreement.
“Hey, isn't that bad…?” Tanizaki questioned, but the others ignored him.
“Well, it's to be expected when you're talking about someone like Dazai.” Kunikida continued, a hand on his hip. “I don't understand why you'd like someone like him, of all people.”
“He's not that bad!” Atsushi said without thinking, getting everyone to finally shut up, but unfortunately they did so to focus their attention solely on him.
“Oh?” Yosano said simply, encouraging him to go on.
“Well, I, Dazai-san— he's always thinking about everyone, even when we don't realize it,” he started, looking down at his hands as he said it. “And yes, he has a difficult personality, but thanks to it I can forget all the bad things we deal with. When he smiles, even if it's faked, it's contagious and it makes me feel better. He's funny, and kind in his own way. When he says my name, it makes my heart go…” He trailed off as he finally raised his head and saw the looks he was getting.
“Wow, I knew he was lovesick, but isn't it kinda embarrassing to hear it said like that?” Ranpo said, lazily spinning in his chair.
“You were the ones who asked about it!” Atsushi cried.
Yosano, who had been the one that appeared the most curious before, shrugged. “Honestly, I didn't expect you to be so sincere about it.”
Atsushi ran a hand through his hair, eyes twitching with irritation. “Well, I'm sorry if—”
“Are you guys throwing a party without telling me?” A new but familiar voice interrupted, amused.
They all turned in unison to look at Dazai, none of them coming forth with an excuse.
“It's way past lunch break, I didn't expect all of you to neglect work like this. Even Kunikida-kun!” Dazai wiped a nonexistent tear from his eye. “I'm so proud.”
The blond in question looked one second away from throwing Dazai out the window for that comment.
“So,” Dazai looked at all of them before continuing, “is anyone gonna tell me what wonderful activity you're all engaging in this beautiful afternoon?”
“It's 'tease Atsushi day’,” Ranpo answered.
“Huh?!”
“I declared so, because I was bored. Whoever manages to fluster him the most is the winner.”
“Ranpo-san!” Atsushi tried, looking at the detective with pleading eyes.
“I'll give the next turn to you, since you've been out all this time. Try to catch up,” Ranpo ordered.
Dazai smirked. “Oh yeah? Why didn't you tell me so before? Don't mind if I take you up on that offer.”
“Oh, god.”
…
Despite the horrific of experience of the previous day, Atsushi did get something out of it: mainly the idea of giving Dazai a flower bouquet. Even if it had been deemed a doubtful method given the person in question, Atsushi decided it was worth a try.
Plus, it was the only idea that even remotely made sense, so his options weren't exactly a vast.
After some research, Atsushi ended up waiting by the door to the Agency the next morning, the warm breeze ruffling his hair. He had woken up hours earlier than usual, enough time to buy a bouquet of anemones and forget-me-nots and get to the Agency way before Dazai would even think of being there.
The spot wasn't exactly discreet, and a couple of people had already given him looks, but from here he could see Dazai coming from far away, instead of startling when the man suddenly burst into the room with a flourish or something along those lines. Besides, he'd rather take the eyes of a bunch of strangers than the stares of his coworkers.
He thought that maybe this way, he would have time to prepare himself and not stumble on his own words like his other two attempts, that he would be able to psych himself up to finally do this. But when Dazai's silhouette appeared in the horizon, morning sun lighting up his sleep mussed brown hair into a warm caramel, his curls making a halo that framed his face and softened his features, Atsushi was sure he almost swallowed his tongue whole. Instead of breathing in and preparing himself to give the bouquet to Dazai, Atsushi spent the next minute just staring at the approaching man, mind scarce of any thoughts.
Then, realizing Dazai would soon be close enough to notice Atsushi, he tightened his hold on the bouquet, paper crinkling under his fingers. He could do this, all he needed to do was not panic and hand the bouquet to Dazai, that was it, nothing more. It was simple; easy even.
Dazai perked up at the sight of him, brown eyes glowing hazel in the sunlight, his movements still sluggish with sleep but smile already in place. And Atsushi panicked.
He glanced down at the flowers and promptly shoved three forget-me-nots into his mouth. By the time Dazai reached him, he looked entirely bewildered, not even bothering to cover the way he's staring at the flowers.
“...What are you doing?”
Atsushi chews on the flower petals in his mouth, gagging at the taste. He managed to swallow it all down, though with great difficulty. He was sure a piece of it got stuck in his throat.
“I was hungry,” Atsushi deadpanned.
“That’s an interesting meal choice.”
“Well, I woke up too early today and went out without having breakfast, so I couldn't take the hunger anymore. Then I saw these flowers, and I thought, 'aren't flowers edible’, so I decided to give it a try,” Atsushi rambled, coughing at the end when the plant taste insisted on making itself present.
“You know, I sometimes worry about you,” Dazai stated, watching Atsushi's coughing fit.
“And I regret my life decisions.”
“I'd be regretting it too if I were you.” Dazai looked at the rest of the flowers, laughing when he saw them. Atsushi made a sound in question. “If I didn't know you, I'd say you were aiming for a suicide attempt, Atsushi.”
He looked at the bouquet as well, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Well, I sure hope you didn't eat any anemones, they're poisonous.”
“Ah.”
“Indeed.” Dazai put a hand on his shoulder, beaming. “Congrats on escaping death again!”
Atsushi rolled his eyes, but laughed at the words because he couldn't help himself. It made him almost forget the entire situation when Dazai smiled at him like that, even if it was just an act.
“Well, there's another reason why it's good you didn't eat the anemone.” Dazai plucked one of said flower out of the bouquet, twirling it between his fingertips.
“And what is that?”
“You see, it would look much better…” Dazai brushed the shorter side of Atsushi's bangs behind his ear. Next, he perched the flower there, fumbling with it for a bit to make sure it would stay instead of just falling immediately after. He tapped Atsushi's temple. “Here instead. Right?”
Dazai laughed when all Atsushi could do was splutter in response, his thoughts running faster than he could process.
“D-Dazai-san! This kind of thing—”
“What, you don't agree? But it suits you,” Dazai said in a subtle whine. “You don't trust my input?”
“Of course I do, but that's not it!”
Dazai kept laughing, unaware or unsympathetic to Atsushi's turmoil. “Well, it's about time I go in, before Kunikida-kun throws something on my head. Again.” He paused to wink at Atsushi before entering the building. “You should do the same if you value your eardrums.”
Atsushi nodded, but didn't follow him inside. He gave himself a few minutes to just digest their previous interaction. He touched gentle fingertips to the flower in his hair, while the other covered his mouth, palm pressed harshly to his warm cheeks.
If Atsushi never took the flower off his hair for the rest of the day, no one said anything about it, not even Dazai.
It was Naomi who finally convinced him to just go with the normal route when it came to Valentine's Day: giving chocolate. It was only one day until the holiday when she sat down in front of him and, sweet but somehow still terrifying, asked if he still planned to gift something to Dazai. She insisted on the subjected until Atsushi was leaning a tad bit away, promising to go buy chocolate after work.
(Atsushi couldn't bring himself to try something home cooked again after the disappointment of the first try. If this one didn't work, at least he would've had spent only money on the chocolates, instead of time and effort.)
Once he rolled in on Valentine's Day, the red box in his hands drew the eyes of the rest of the Agency. They at least had the decency to refrain from openly commenting on the whole situation. For the most part, Atsushi just ignored Naomi and Haruno sighing together as they talk in hushed voices something about “romantic gestures”.
By the time the clock struck three in the afternoon, Atsushi was antsy, shuffling in his chair and his now perpetual frown deepening. Given his luck before, he wouldn't be surprised if this too failed, somehow. Maybe Dazai wouldn't even show up at all. The knowing looks he got made his skin crawl with discomfort, but at least his friends had decided to leave him alone—even Kunikida refrained from scolding him for how distracted Atsushi was all day.
He was sure Ranpo tried to say something at one point—and knowing him, it'd most likely come out as terribly blunt, even if true in its nature—but Yosano intercepted before he could fully formulate his words, keeping Ranpo's attention away from Atsushi. And, for that, Atsushi was infinitely grateful.
The only one who made a decent attempt at comforting him was Tanizaki, who offered Atsushi a cup of tea, but otherwise treating him as usual. Atsushi almost called him an angel.
And then, like a whirlwind wreaking havoc in its path, Dazai kicked the door open and greeted everyone in a boisterous voice. Atsushi jolted, burning his tongue on his tea and coughing against the portion of it that he inhaled in his surprise.
“What's with that cold welcome, you guys are no fun,” Dazai complained with a huff, walking to his desk.
“Where were you until now?! You should've been at work hours ago!” Kunikida yelled over his pile of paperwork.
“Around.” Dazai waved vaguely, which told them exactly nothing about his whereabouts. “I'm sure you wouldn't understand, Kunikida-kun, but it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't we all be outside?”
At the mention of the holiday, Atsushi cringed, along with Tanizaki. His friends glanced at Atsushi, worry written on their face. Atsushi tried to brush it off.
“Wouldn't it be romantic to die on a day dedicated to love? But no one is interested, it seems.” Dazai leaned back on his chair, hands dangling on the sides of his body. “And I didn't even get any chocolate, either. Isn't that unfair?”
“The only unfair thing about this is that I have to deal with your existence,” Kunikida retorted, already on the brink of losing his patience completely (if he even had any of it when it came to Dazai).
“Cruel!” Dazai said with a half-hearted offended gasp.
Atsushi, who froze on the spot from the very moment he saw Dazai, numbly listened to the conversation. His fingers twitched as he looked at the red box, but he otherwise didn't move. He wanted to sigh, or maybe groan as loud as he could, frustrated at his own inability to just do it, but he stopped himself from doing so as to not draw Dazai's attention.
Which of course was an useless endeavor. Soon enough Dazai slid his chair closer to Atsushi, curious and mischievous as he always was when he wanted to tease someone.
“Atsushi-kun, what do you have there?”
Atsushi attempted to protect the chocolate from Dazai's eyes and squiggling fingers, but he was too late and Dazai was faster, diving to capture it before him. He lets out a triumphant “Aha!”, but immediately gets distracted by studying the box itself.
“What would this be, huh? Wrapped up all prettily like this.” Dazai shook the box, hearing the contents inside rattle with it. “Considering the day, it's kinda obvious, isn't it?”
Atsushi stared at Dazai's hands, wrapped around the gift that was supposedly his, but that he never got the chance to actually give to him. The building frustration from the past few days was inflating like a balloon under his ribcage.
“Please, stop with the jokes, Dazai-san. Give it back.”
“Eeh, why are you so angry? Stress is bad for your health, you know.” Dazai lifted the box away Atsushi's immediate reach.
“I said give that back!” Atsushi yelled, and by now everyone was staring at them, even if some more discreetly than others.
“You don't need to work yourself up so much, is this that important to you?” Dazai narrowed his eyes at the gift in his hands. “But it's so unfair, how come I don't get any chocolates but you do?”
Atsushi wanted to explain it, to hit Dazai's head for misunderstanding the situation completely, but it was getting hard to breathe or think when his chest only got heavier.
He went up to his tiptoes, trying to yank the box out of Dazai's hand, but he raised it above his head, where Atsushi would have to jump like a little kid to reach it. Dazai smirked; Atsushi fumed.
“I'll give it back in just a second, just be patient.” Dazai took several steps back, Atsushi going after him, his efforts to retrieve back the chocolate never faltering.
Atsushi attempted to pull Dazai's arms down, but with his ability nullified by Dazai's touch, their strengths were close to equal, and Atsushi was only able to move him a few useless centimeters.
While he was preoccupied with stopping Dazai, the man sneaked a hand into the box, forcing the ribbon up to get to a chocolate, making an appreciative sound at the round candy.
Before he could do anything about it, he had already eaten said chocolate, chewing happily as if Atsushi wasn't hanging from his arms with an anger to rival Kunikida's.
“Atsushi-kun was so worried about his precious chocolate box, but I got to eat it first. Too bad!” Dazai finally lowered his hands, nudging the box back to Atsushi. “But hey, it's pretty good, so whoever gave it to you must like you a lot, isn't that nice?”
Silence; pure and unadulterated silence fell upon them, like everyone had forgotten to breathe, or decided not to do so. Dazai blinked, confused at the sudden shift in the atmosphere.
“He really is an idiot,” Ranpo finally said, and if the situation was any different, Atsushi would vocally agree with him. As it was, he only gritted his teeth against the bubbling feelings under his tongue.
“How about we go for a walk, shall we?” That was Yosano, and the command in her voice wasn't lost on any of them.
They all follow her, albeit not without Ranpo whining and Kunikida grumbling under his breath, furiously writing on his notebook. Dazai at least had the mind to notice the “we” didn't include him.
“This is awkward,” Dazai stated, and Atsushi wanted to strangle him. “I didn't know the chocolate was that important, you could've said something before.”
At the end, Atsushi didn't strangle him, but Dazai did make the mistake of handing him the red box earlier. And so, with all the pent up feelings accumulated in him spilling through the cracks, Atsushi threw the box right at Dazai—he at least does the courtesy of not using the tiger's strength, which was way more than Dazai deserved from him at the moment. It bounced on his forehead then fell to the floor, revealing Dazai's surprised face and a red spot where he was hit.
“Of course they were important, do you have any idea how much time I spent choosing them?!”
Dazai instinctively took a step back at the outburst, but his face lit up in realization. “Ah, so you wanted to give it to someone special. I guess I should apologize for ruining that for you, then.”
Atsushi clenched his fist and marched up to Dazai.
“You,” he aggressively poked a finger at Dazai's sternum, “are so goddamn stupid.”
“Okay?”
“I've been trying to tell you for days, almost an entire week! And I thought, 'well, Dazai-san is very perceptive so he'll meet me halfway, it'll be fine’. But you just… Just— Ugh!”
“Atsushi-kun, I'm not sure I know what you're talking about,” Dazai said in a hesitant voice, hands raised defensively.
“Of course you don't!” Atsushi held his head in his palms, then messed his own hair with angry rubs and tugs. “Kunikida-san was right, I don't even know why I would like you of all people!”
“What?”
“Yeah, I mean, I know deep, deep down Kunikida-san considers you a friend, but also you're a menace and the most annoying person that ever walked the face of the Earth. So, you know, I can't fault him for being doubtful!” Atsushi waved dramatically. “I know I am too!”
“No, forget about Kunikida-kun, that's not important.”
Atsushi startled when Dazai gripped both his wrists, staring at him intently. “Say that again.”
Caught off guard, Atsushi felt the steam leave his body, substituted only by emotional tiredness and a great amount of confusion.
“What's up with you all of a sudden?” Atsushi narrowed his eyes. “Are you trying to pull some joke on me again?”
Dazai didn't reply right away, but his hold on Atsushi tightened, and he was being backed into the nearest desk. He stumbled when he hit the wooden surface, almost sitting on it. He looked up at Dazai, eyes wide and heart beating fast at the look on his face: serious and intense, eyes half lidded, lips pressed on a tight straight line.
“Say it again,” he repeated, more forceful.
“What? What part, about Kunikida-san considering you a friend deep, deep, deep down—”
“The part where you said you like me.” Dazai inched closer, enough so their breaths mingled. “Say it again.”
Atsushi exhaled a wobbly breath. There was no denying it, when it left his mouth without even realizing it, when Dazai could feel the rush of his blood fast as hummingbird's wings against his palm, when they were so close and all Atsushi could think about was how beautiful he looked like this. “I like you.”
“Say it again.”
“I like you.”
“Again.”
“I love you.”
There was no warning preceding the kiss, only the sudden lack of air in his lungs. Atsushi could only press closer to Dazai, pliant in his hold, clutching uselessly at air.
And that balloon from before, all the repressed feelings, it came back with a vengeance until it popped. Atsushi could only hope that Dazai didn't hear its noise, couldn't hear the signs of him shattering inside in a mess of incoherent pieces. Only to be put back together by the force of Dazai's hands, by the sweet taste of his tongue in Atsushi's own.
He was shuddering, embarrassingly weak when Dazai's surrounds his every sense, but he can't bring himself to stop, to care about it all. But he craves, god, he can't go one more second without touching Dazai back, without feeling his skin and his hair and the curve of his bones.
Atsushi struggled against Dazai's hold. “Dazai-san… Hands…” He whispered between kisses. He was sure he felt a smile on Dazai's lips, but finally his hands were free to do as they wished.
Atsushi touched as much as he could reach, as much as was appropriate when they're still at the office, despairing over how little of Dazai's skin is accessible to him due to his bandages.
When they managed to pull away from each other, Dazai was laughing, and Atsushi followed soon after.
“Maybe you are right about me being stupid.”
“I am.”
“Cruel,” Dazai murmured, smiling as he kissed Atsushi's cheek.
“The others, they should be coming back soon.”
“I don't care,” Dazai replied, kissing down Atsushi's jaw.
“But, we're gonna get in trouble—” He was interrupted by his own sharp intake of breath, caused by a kiss deposited right under his ear.
Dazai pushed him further back and onto the table entirely, his feet leaving the floor and a book falling to the ground as it got knocked over.
“Hey, I'm telling you—”
“Atsushi-kun,” Dazai interrupted. Atsushi snapped to attention, blinking up at him. “I love you too.”
It was enough to have Atsushi melting, cheeks burning brighter than they already were before, involuntarily pulling Dazai to him. The man chuckled at the reaction, but his lips never left Atsushi's skin.
“That's cheating,” Atsushi mumbled, embarrassed.
“All is fair in love and war, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai said in a singsong.
“Shut up, please.”
Dazai, for once in his life, complied, too preoccupied capturing Atsushi's mouth with his to talk. Later, Atsushi will feel the mortification eat him alive at how angry he got before, but for now, his mind was filled with Dazai's name and nothing more.
“The chocolate…” Atsushi tries to talk again, when his eyes catch sight of the red box lying forgotten on the floor.
“Later.” Dazai held Atsushi's face in his palms, giving him a few pecks before speaking again, “Let me you kiss you some more, first.”
Atsushi managed to nod, at least. "Okay."