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beter barker @pparker_ • 2h
mr stark is SO SHORT and i LOVE HIM
Tony Stark @tstark • 1h
In response to @pparker_
You have ten minutes exactly to write your will. I will be expecting at least three pages' worth of 12pt, single-spaced college application essay-worthy material
FREE IPHONE @fja91kal0neaw4 • 1h
In response to @tstark
FREE IPHONe! Sign up NOW for FREE IPHONE NOW! Click link for more information about FREE IPHONE!!!
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Thor makes his entrance in the most dramatic of ways, and Peter loves it.
He's working on an essay for his literature class when the power goes out suddenly and a clap of thunder sounds. Peter, who was raised by a strong woman and a strong man, raises an unamused eyebrow at the windows.
It's sunny out. That doesn't stop tendrils of lightning from hitting the grass around the compound, setting about fourteen small, contained fires.
"Thanks, Mr. Thor," Peter says. "That can prevent big forest fires from occurring." He learned this in high school environmental science, which was actually kind of a joke now that he thinks about it. Well.
"It is not any problem, young Peter!"
"Oh, man," Peter says, "you really gotta drop the 'young.' Making me feel like a baby."
"I do not understand," says Thor, stepping into the kitchen. His cape is billowing behind him, but there is no wind. "You are, in fact, an infant."
"Not here, Mr. Thor. Not here."
"Noted!" Thor bellows, the false eye in his skull shaking slightly. "I will refrain from calling you young in the future!"
"Thanks, champ." Peter mumbles, turning back to his laptop.
"It is not a problem!" Thor yells. Peter sighs.
"Mr. Thor, you really don't have to speak like that— you know, so loudly. We're friends. All of us are friends. You honestly probably only have to talk in that way when you're talking to reporters or something."
"Oh," Thor says, in a normal speaking voice. "That is acceptable in terms and conditions to me."
"Hey, Tony!" Thor says as the man of the hour walks in. "Haven't seen you in a while!"
Tony nods, pours coffee, takes a sip, and double takes as he swallows. He looks to Peter, who's concentrating on his computer screen so hard his nose is scrunched.
"Yeah, Point Break, haven't seen you in a while either." Tony says suspiciously. "Seen Bruce lately?"
"Yes," Thor says, "he is currently treating those who seek medical assistance in Shi'ar. I voyage to guide him here in one moon's rest."
Tony's posture relaxes, just until he realizes something very important.
"Peter." Tony says slowly. "Did you teach Thor that slang?"
Peter takes another sip of his water and fights to keep a straight face.
Thor returns the next day with Bruce, who looks wildly disoriented and in extreme disarray. He brushes off his clothes hesitantly, as if he's scared his shirt will crumble off of his shoulders. Thor's booming laughter echoes through the communal area, which in Peter's mind serves as a sort of gathering call, as the rest of the team kind of ends up just showing up one by one. Natasha appears by Bruce's side silently, and Thor can't stop grinning, which is. Unsettling.
"Hello all!" Thor bellows, before remembering his location and clearing his throat.
"Greetings," he says at a much less intense volume. "I have visited to talk to Peter Parker. In addition to this, I have managed to bring along Doctor Banner, who will now be staying at the Stark Tower."
Tony takes a step forward, gets a better look at Thor's unnerving smile, and takes a step backwards.
"Why do you need to talk to the kid?" Tony says, eyeing the god's getup suspiciously.
"Why, of course!" Thor exclaims, then thumps a fist against his chest before resuming more quietly. "I come to talk with him about the 'slang' of Earth's people! We have been communicating for some time now. I am beginning to feel very hip and 'lit'."
Tony scrubs a hand across his face and sighs.
"Parker. You're responsible for whatever shitshow comes with teaching knock-off white Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson."
Peter nods sagely. It is, after all, a burdening task. He is up for it.
He is, in fact, very much not up for it, and this shows itself in the way the dining room table shakes every time Thor laughs at a viral video in the long compilation that Peter has created. Peter's pasta was previously resting upon a plate. Each individual noodle has now found itself a home on various places on the marble counter.
He picks a noodle up from approximately four inches away and eats it, chewing slowly. Thor rumbles with laughter once more.
Peter's epiphany comes in the form of Thor asking him to create a YouTube account so that the god can watch Vine compilations any day of the week. The teen is about to inform Thor that YouTube doesn't require an account when it clicks.
Holy shit, Ned's gonna pass out.
Ned doesn't pass out. He does, however, fall on his butt because Thor is both ripped and tall, which doesn't exactly make the man less menacing. Peter nods solemnly in response to Ned's disbelieving look as Thor beams and offers a hand.
"Ned, this is Thor. Thor, this is Ned, my best friend." Peter says, gesturing to each of them.
"Greetings, Ned! I have entertained many tales of your intelligence and support!" Thor says loudly as Ned's eyes progressively get bigger.
"Peter told me that we gotta get you a Twitter, Mr. God Sir Thor Sir." Ned informs him. Thor nods, his smile still firmly in place.
They make a good time out of creating Thor's social media accounts. The god insists on taking a new picture every time they set up a new account, so all of his pictures are the same and yet slightly different. Peter doesn't mind, nor does Ned. They're just happy to have something to do.
"Watch this," Peter whispers to Ned at one point as Thor poses for another picture. "Is there anything better than pussy?"
"Yes!" Thor says, practically shouting. "A really good book!"
Peter falls over himself laughing. Ned looks like he's about to pop into a tomato like those weird cartoons that sometimes play on Cartoon Network. Thor booms with laughter, and the computer takes his picture right as he blinks. Peter and Ned insist it's the best one he's taken yet and save it without hesitation.
(The inevitable is bound to happen at some point.)
(It just happens with less warning than expected, but was it really expected? After all, Peter hardly talks to Tony about anything other than lab-related projects.)
(That's a fucking lie. Tony's just trying to make excuses because he kind of feels betrayed that Peter didn't tell him about this very important development.)
those avengers guys™ @leerkercommstudio • 57m
NOT CLICKBAIT: WE SOMEHOW GOT A GOD TO FILM A VIDEO WITH US (we honestly dont know either? someone help? are we ok? oh my god?)
"Peter Parker." Tony seethes. "Why would you post that video? Are you crazy? Why didn't you tell me?"
"It didn't seem important?" Peter tries, confused.
"Jesus, kid, you picked up the fu-freaking hammer, oh, my God, are you serious."
"I'm twenty years old, Mr. Stark."
"Okay. Okay, you picked up the fucking hamm—!"
Thor goes from six followers on Twitter (four spam bots, Peter, and a really devoted Parker-Leeds fan account) to ninety thousand. He visits Peter in a panic, waving his phone around as it dings with a new notification every two seconds. He throws the door to the lab open and accidentally tramples a sheet of iron. Tony sighs and runs a hand through his hair in frustration. Peter grins and turns off push notifications on Thor's phone.
As the god sheepishly makes his way out of the lab, Tony chucks the sheet at Thor's head. It bounces off harmlessly and falls to the floor, even more dented than before.
"Beautiful," Tony says, looking like the world has failed him again. In a sense, it has. "Absolutely terrific."
Peter suppresses a snort and turns back to his computer.
It becomes a routine.
Every time Thor visits, Peter and Ned film some kind of ridiculous video (or livestream) with the god and post it on their accounts.
It's actually a little bit hilarious when Thor visits the compound one foggy April morning.
"Man of spiders," Thor booms, "show me your talents in the making of legends!"
"Actually," Peter says, "it's just me clowning the Avengers."
"All the same!" Thor grins, and there's a new mischievous twinkle behind his eyes. "What an opportunity that has arisen before my eyes!"
Steve frowns, and this is how Peter remembers that none of the inhabitants at the Tower know about the tradition Thor and he have started. For being so ridiculously protective ("It was one time, Nat, one time—!"), they seem to refrain from watching his videos if they don't have to do with one of them. Eh. Means he can get away with more.
"Thor," Peter settles on saying, "you have been making videos with me for a little less than four months. You know how it works."
"Yes," says Thor, "and I have no retaliation."
Peter eyes Steve, who looks like he's about to pass out, and Rhodes, who is frozen in the middle of spreading peanut butter on a slice of bread.
"Considered and accepted," Peter says, finally realizing the meaning of the whole charade. This begs the question: does Thor typically screw with the Avengers just for the hell of it? Do they even realize that he's screwing with him? Has Peter ever been screwed with before? He makes a note to himself to investigate later.
(He never gets around to it.)
The beginning of the end happens like this: Peter decides one afternoon that it is an adequate time to introduce Thor to Twitter humor. He explains the basics and then lets the god roam Twitter, pointing out particularly well-known Tweets and explaining jokes if Thor doesn't understand them. They go until Thor is red in the face from laughter, wiping tears from his singular working eye.
"I do not understand this world's humor at all," Thor says, still cry-laughing, "but I am enjoying it immensely."
Thor's hammer sits a little heavier on Peter's desk as the god says this, as if in agreement. Peter just hopes his desk doesn't split.
They browse until the sun sets and then some, munching on stowed-away snacks and sipping on Coca-Colas that have long since lost their carbonation. There's something about the flatness, Peter claims, that makes it that much better. Thor agrees wholeheartedly, even if he's never had Coca-Cola before. Peter sends Thor off half past midnight, the god clutching a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos and a Solo cup of flat Coke for the journey back to the Tower. Ned shows up at the door just before Thor loses sight of it, grinning and also holding a red cup.
He walks all the way back to the Stark Tower sipping and crunching on food that should have been thrown away days ago, but he doesn't mind. Thor smiles as he turns the now-empty plastic cup in his hand. There's something about Earth's youth that makes him inexplicably warm inside.
Meanwhile, back at the dorm, Peter and Ned high five and start to clean up the ridiculous amount of chip bags that Thor has left behind. They store the two-liter of Coke that's left and recycle the other four bottles. As they clean, Peter realizes that Thor never really reached this level of comfort in the Tower. There's never trash, never an expensive throw pillow out of place by his hand. It's nice, seeing this other side of the god.
THOR @THOROFASGARD • 16m
yuh
Tony Stark @tstark • 10m
In response to @THOROFASGARD
What the fuck
When Thor next appears on a livestream, he continuously makes Vine references so often that there's barely room to squeeze actual conversation in. They make it work anyways.
"So," Peter says, "what's the plan with the Avengers?"
Thor coughs on his flat Coke and swipes his forearm across his mouth.
"I am very much fortunate to have this opportunity to be a part of their team," he begins, "and I must admit that the luxury of staying in Stark Tower is a bonus."
Peter nods.
"That being said," he says, "I cannot stress to a sufficient degree how frustrating it is to see two grown men bickering like university students."
Peter frowns.
"Like children," Thor amends.
"Interesting. Any willingness to reveal the names of these particular grown men?"
Thor looks straight into the camera as Peter ducks out of the frame to recollect himself.
"There is no need to reveal any identities," Thor announces, "because they could not be more obvious."
"And that's all for today, folks!" Peter says quickly, cheerfully moving towards the camera. "See you guys next week! Or whenever we manage to get another video up!"
The screen goes black. The comments section is moving too quickly to be discerned for a good five seconds more before friendly text notifies the audience that the livestream has ended.
avengers assemble @spldermans • 8h
HOW THOR DECIDED TO ANTAGONISE TONY STARK AND STEVE ROGERS IN TWO SECONDS FLAT: A THREAD
Show this thread
mary @sunnyjoon • 8h
In response to @spldermans
this may just be the best thing thats ever happened to me
The best video to be filmed and posted on the Parker-Leeds YouTube channel is, without a doubt, their segment for their ever-popular series that details Spider-Man's supposed "struggling college student" persona. Which isn't actually false. At all.
Well.
People find themselves relating to Spider-Man more. The NYPD decides that it's time to call a truce (which is just a stroke of good luck on Peter's side, really). People start insisting on buying him hot dogs every time he's spotted swinging around the streets. It's. Well, it's nice.
And then Thor tags along for patrol one day. To get a feeling for the activity, he says.
Of course, the mass media and general public go apeshit when they see the two of them on a rooftop, munching on burritos and a serving of Spanish rice.
It's really, really not Peter's fault. Tony and Steve deem it necessary to get on his case anyway.
("It's really damn cool, kid, how attention follows you literally everywhere you go."
"In my defense, Mr. Stark, I have yet to spot a camera peeping on me while I'm on the toil—!"
"Jesus, Underoos, I'm gonna have to get you a filter for Christmas."
"Do they have Gucci word filters? Can you afford an Armani filter? Does that even exist? Oh, my God, I'm so genius. This is gonna be the new thing!")
One day, out of the blue, Tony Stark receives an e-mail from BBC. They want an interview with Peter and Thor.
And Thor.
If Peter said he was surprised, one would be able to slap a big, bright red sticker on his forehead that blared "LOSER IDIOT LIAR."
All jokes aside, Peter really wasn't surprised. The United Kingdom public had been showing more and more interest in the awkward, always-cordial god. Maybe it was the accent? Peter doubted it.
He chalked it up to it simply being how lovable Thor was on-camera and off. Or, he did until he noticed a specific pattern in his world-wide viewer stats. It seemed that the UK's public was very charmed with Thor's persona indeed.
(They accept BBC's interview invitation. It turns out like this:
"Thor, how are you adjusting to life in the spotlight?" Reporter Guy asks. Thor shifts and grins.
"It is extremely enjoyable! It is to my knowledge that many people enjoy watching both myself and young Peter, so we will be attempting to create more videos in the near future!"
"Excellent," the reporter says, "absolutely excellent!"
Peter nods along and smiles.)
As the United Kingdom's love for Thor grows more intense, Spider-Man grows more and more popular in New York. More and more theories begin to surface on the topic of Spider-Man's secret identity.
Naturally, Peter decides to monopolize.
the real spidey @spidey4reel • 10m
excited to announce that i have decided to delete my toes! excellent decision for me because i have struggled so long with toe insecurity... incredible feeling to be liberated!!
beter barker @pparker_ • 2m
In response to @spidey4reel
I CANT BREATHEJDSK
Theories always get closer to the truth when the person in question slips up. Good thing Peter never does. He double-checks the accounts before posting anything, continues to post extremely cryptic tweets on his "real Spider-Man" Twitter, and shitposts as per usual on his personal Twitter. It's extremely odd, knowing you control three influential accounts when people only know that you own two.
Thor learns the art of taking selfies.
Life goes on.
("You're walking a real thin line, kid."
"So true, Mr. Stark.")