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“We are going to turn this sow’s ear into a silk purse,” they belt in unison.
Tony glares across the room at Steve and Bucky, currently on their second bout with Mulan. The Disney marathon wouldn’t be so bad; hell, Tony’d probably join them. It wouldn’t be so bad if only Steve and Bucky didn’t suck at singing as much as they did.
God, never again is he going to let them watch Frozen in his presence.
He turns his attention back to the blueprints for Bucky’s new suit, outfitted with nine pockets for guns and sixteen for various knives. The designs for his new arm are underway; Tony had wondered why he even wanted a better one, though if anyone could make something better than the very best top-of-the-line Soviet era technology it was Tony, and when he’d asked Steve, he’d gotten a shaken head and a hand to the shoulder.
Yeah, Steve’s real talkative now that Bucky’s around.
It’s almost ridiculous watching them interact. Best friends just aren’t like that; is Tony like that with Bruce? He hopes not, Pepper must be jealous if he is. He grimaces when he watches Bucky all but crawl into Steve’s lap when Mulan chops off her hair and nabs her father’s uniform. He groans when Steve smirks over at Bucky as Shang sings about making men out of other men.
It’s actually kind of sweet. In a twisted, over the top sort of way.
Just last week Bruce introduced them to the fantastical world of new age Disney movies. They’d begun with the usual: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Beauty and the Beast. It was Natasha’s fault that they delved into the newer, more interesting films. Bucky loved Anastasia, much to everyone’s surprise. Tony liked Atlantis and WALL-E a lot, and they both loved Brave and, much to Tony’s chagrin, Frozen.
He turns back to the blueprints and adds a compartment in Bucky’s arm. Figures he could use some bandaids; the guy spends half his time mooning over Steve, the other half getting injured as a result of mooning over Steve. Might as well garner some protection; which brings Tony to another thought. He sketches out a notch on the prosthetic wrist, the palm just large enough to hold a packet of lube and a couple condoms.
The resounding gasps from the other side of the room suggest that Mulan was just stabbed, and Tony rolls his eyes.
“It’s going to be the same every time,” he says, not really caring if they hear him or not.
Evidently, Bucky does as he turns to give him a withering glare and mutters, “Fignya, she’s going to save China, asshat.”
Steve pipes in with, “Don’t call people asshats, Bucky, you can’t just do that anymore. But yeah, she’s going to win, asshat.”
He doesn’t even try to respond to that, instead just sighing and going back to his designs. It’s probably a futile task, he understands, but he doesn’t care so long as it distracts from morons who may or may not be making out within the next three minutes.
When Pepper steps into the room, he almost dies from relief. “You finished with whatever it is that I can’t see?” he asks, raking his eyes over the robe she’s wrapped in before smirking his usual smirk. She grins back but walks past him and into the living room.
He has to strain his ears, but he can just make out, “If you have sex on the couch, Tony’ll probably get out of your apartment.”
“If you so much as look at each other too seductively, I’ll leave the building,” Tony bites back. It’s not that he has anything against Steve or Bucky, in particular; it’s just that they’re rather… enthusiastic in the sack. And Tony knows this for a fact after two nights ago when he was kept awake from the rhythmic thumping and raucous moaning coming from the floor beneath his and Pepper’s penthouse.
When he sees Pepper sprinting out the door with a grin and a blush, he knows he’s going to have to vacate the premises.
He rolls up his blueprints and keeps a hand over his eyes as he makes his way towards the door. It’s not soon enough, because he hears a loud crash followed by a, “Ah, fuck Stevie, right there!” and he’s sprinting.
Just before he shuts the door, however, he can’t help a smile at the way he hears Steve ask if they can finish the movie first. It only grows when Bucky replies, with what sounds like an eye roll, “Well, duh, we can always fuck later.”
Fucking children, they are. But cute, just like the best of them.