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“I really want to go,” Nick whined. “Don’t any of you like horror movies?”
“I do,” Bobby chirped, “but I’ve got a test tomorrow and I actually need to study for it.”
“I’ve got better things to do than go to horror movies with freshmen,” Aiden yawned. Nick tried Kally, who was weak to puppy eyes, but he just averted his eyes. That didn’t surprise Nick, though Tanner’s declaration that he hated scary things did surprise him.
“Sorry, bro,” Eugene said, not offering more of an explanation. Nick sighed. No way he was even going to risk asking Harvard—Aiden would probably kill him in his sleep if he managed to get Harvard to agree. Then Nick spotted Seiji, just entering the library. It wasn’t his first choice, but going alone would be too sad. Nick pushed the history book he’d been attempting to read away from him and stood up. Then he strode across the room and accosted Seiji before he’d even made it more than a few steps in the door.
“Hey, Seiji,” Nick grinned, smooth and easy. Seiji eyed him with the utmost suspicion.
“What do you want, Nicholas?”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”
“Stop being difficult. You don’t have plans, do you?” Nick insisted, and Seiji sighed, finally shaking his head in answer. “Great! You’re coming with me to see Raw tonight, then!”
“That French horror film?” Seiji asked, a look of distaste crossing over his features.
“Yeah,” Nick knew he had to play this right to get a movie buddy. “What, are you too scared? Guess I’m braver than you, huh?” That worked; Seiji bristled instantly and Nick knew he had him.
Nick and Seiji made it to the theatre with time to spare. Nick watched Seiji examine the space with amusement at his perplexed expression.
“First time here, isn’t it?” Nick asked with a laugh. It wasn’t a typical movie theatre—there was only one screen room and it was littered with mismatched armchairs, couches, love seats, and beanbags, rather than the usual rows of theatre chairs. “It’s a cool little space. Found it last month and I’ve been dying to come back. When I saw they were playing Raw tonight, I knew I had to come.”
“Huh,” was Seiji’s engaged response. Nick rolled his eyes. He hadn’t expected Seiji to be enthused. He didn’t mind, though.
“Wanna find us some seats? I’m gonna grab popcorn.” He knew that Seiji wouldn’t be eating any of it, but he got a medium just in case. When he returned from the lobby, popcorn in hand, he scanned the slowly filling theatre for Seiji. It took him a moment to locate his roommate out of uniform, despite the fact that Nick had walked all the way here with Seiji’s soft grey turtlenecked figure beside him. He spotted Seiji and plopped down into place next to him on the charcoal love seat he’d chosen.
The movie started and it was everything Nick had expected it to be. Half an hour in, he snuck a glance at Seiji, not sure what he’d expected Seiji’s face to betray. It wasn’t fear, exactly. It was distaste, to be sure. Revulsion, which Nick couldn’t blame him for. Raw was known for making audiences puke. He looked entirely unsettled, enough to make Nick feel a little bad for dragging him along. It was clear that he wasn’t enjoying the movie.
“Hey,” Nick whispered, “If you need to hide in a shoulder, I’m here. No judgments, man.” He said it with a sly smile, lifting his arm to present Seiji with a spot to rest his head. He’d meant it mostly as a joke. Something to prod Seiji back into his usual demeanor. But, to Nick’s utter astonishment, Seiji made good on the offer almost the moment it was out of Nick’s mouth. Seiji let out what could only be called a relieved sigh as he buried his face in Nick’s shoulder, one hand coming up to hold lightly to Nick’s shirt, crossing in front of his face and further obscuring his view. Not that there was a need for that, since his face was turned into Nick and away from the screen.
Nick’s heart missed a beat, then steadily increased in pace, having nothing to do with the horrors on screen. Carefully, he readjusted so that his arm wrapped lightly around Seiji, hand resting on his shoulder. As the movie progressed, Nick found that his eyes kept coming back to Seiji, who was now breathing softly in sleep, instead of staying on the movie he’d so wanted to see.
When the credits rolled, Nick let his full attention fall on the sleeping boy on his shoulder. His arm was asleep, too, but he didn’t care. It wasn’t until the projector fuzzed to a halt that Nick went about waking Seiji up.
“Hey,” he said, way more gently than he’d really intended. “Time to wake up, movie’s over.” He bumped his shoulder up and down a couple times to dislodge Seiji, who was still stubbornly asleep. Nick laughed a little, and finally, Seiji started to stir. He pulled away from Nick, and Nick missed the heat and weight of Seiji instantly. They stood, and Seiji stretched, exposing a sliver of skin as his shirt rose up. Nick tried not to stare, but couldn’t stop himself. Seiji seemed oblivious to his attention, though, so he could still pretend to have some dignity left.
“I’m sorry about making you come,” Nick said as they exited the theatre and started the walk back to school. Seiji shrugged.
“I didn’t have a terrible time.” This made Nick smile. He glanced at Seiji from the corner of his eyes, debating his next move.
“Hey, Seiji,” Nick said, deciding to do what he always did: act first and think later. “Go out with me.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Date me,” Nick clarified.
“Why?” Seiji seemed genuinely baffled.
“I liked how you fell asleep on me,” Nick explained. “And I’d like it to happen again. So, go out with me, okay?”
“That seems a shaky basis to build a relationship on,” Seiji said skeptically. Nick laughed.
“That’s not a no.”
“We’re not even friends, most of the time.”
“Still not a no.”
“It won’t work.”
“Cool, it’s decided then.” And Nick grabbed Seiji’s hand in his with a grin so big it hurt.
“I passed my test!” Bobby announced loudly at the lunch table.
“Congrats,” Nick shot him a thumbs up.
“I’m having a pizza party tonight to celebrate,” Bobby continued, gladly taking the high five Eugene offered him.
“Will there be spin the bottle?” Aiden asked with a lazy smile that earned him a swat from Bobby.
“You don’t date anyone on the fencing team,” Tanner reminded Aiden. Aiden seemed poised to point out that Tanner no longer fit that particular bill. But he changed tracks at a look from Kally.
“Sure, but kissing people for fun is different than sleeping with them. And I don’t date. Period.”
“No spin the bottle,” Kally said. “Remember the disaster the last time we tried it? Tanner broke the bottle over your head.”
“Oh, right,” Aiden said, seeming to have genuinely forgotten. “It was just a little tongue, really, I don’t know why he got so upset.”
“Did Aiden kiss Tanner, then?” Nick whispered to Harvard, who was watching this all with amusement
“No,” Harvard laughed. “Much worse. He kissed Kally.”
“Ah.”
“So, anyway,” Bobby brought the attention back to him. “I’ll order in pizza and Dante says he’ll make milkshakes for everyone.” The entire table seemed to perk up at this.
“Dante’s milkshakes are to die for,” Kally told Nick and Seiji, who were lost to the importance of Bobby’s milkshake proclamation. “You’ll see when you come tonight.”
“Dress code is pajamas,” Bobby called after them when the bell rang for class and they all started to disperse.
Nick was excited for the party—even though it sounded more like a group hang out than a proper party. Actually, he decided, this would be better. Just hanging out with the guys. Nick honestly wasn’t sure if Seiji had planned on going, but he didn’t protest when Nick grabbed his hand and tugged him out of their room and down the hall. When he knocked on the door, Bobby called for them to just come in.
“Come grab a milkshake!” Bobby screeched the moment it was open. He looked like he was in the middle of a sugar rush. Nick laughed and made his way over to the desk that had become a milkshake bar. Nick thought about asking where the blender had come from but decided against it. He happily grabbed two milkshakes and headed back to Seiji, who had found a seat on one of the beds. Nick shamelessly stepped up onto the same bed and carefully shuffled around until he was behind Seiji, then sat right down, dangling his legs off the bed on either side of Seiji. With Seiji’s back against his chest, Nick snaked his arms under Seiji’s shoulders, which Seiji begrudgingly allowed.
“Chocolate or vanilla?” He asked, holding both the shakes out in front of Seiji.
“I don’t—,” Seiji started and Nick shoved the chocolate one at his face, causing him to jolt back in alarm. Even further into Nick’s arms, which just happened to be a happy side effect of the attack.
“Tonight, you do,” Nick told him, forcing the chocolate shake into Seiji’s hands.
“Woah,” Eugene said, breaking a silence that Nick hadn’t even been aware of. “When did that happen?”
It was only then that Nick realized every single eye in the room was turned on him and Seiji. Nick grinned confidently, wrapping his milkshake free arm around Seiji’s waist and resting his chin on Seiji’s shoulder. Seiji, he noted, had gone pink.
“When did what happen?” Nick asked innocently and Eugene just scoffed. But the night went on with no further comment on it, though Aiden gave Nick a wink and Bobby snuck him a thumbs up.
“Are you going to tell me?” Seiji asked Nick, which completely confused him. He looked up from the comic he’d been reading on his bed to stare at Seiji. “About Jesse,” Seiji said, as though it should be obvious. Nick wasn’t sure where that had come from. “You were fencing like him during practice today, even more than usual.” Nick felt his face fall into a scowl.
“Do you really have to ask about stupid Jesse Coste?”
“Yes.”
“Well, get over it. Now that we’re together, I don’t want to hear you comparing me to other guys,” Nick couldn’t help the sulky note in his voice.
“You get over it,” Seiji huffed, crossing his arms. “Now that we’re together, don’t you think you ought to tell me what your relationship to Jesse is?”
“Assuming there even is a relationship,” Nick grumbled.
“There is. Why do you fence like Jesse?” Seiji asked again and Nick felt real anger start to build. Even now, even when they were dating, Seiji couldn’t help but bring Jesse between them. Nick didn’t want to fight about this, didn’t want to fight at all. But Jesse was a subject he just couldn’t stand discussing with Seiji. So he stood up and strode across the room to stand right in front of Seiji. Seiji looked ready for a fight. Why, Nick wondered, is he so fucking eager to fight me right now?
“Seiji,” Nick said as calmly as he could, almost sweetly. “I’m only going to explain this once. If you say Jesse’s name to me ever again, I will bite you on site. Do you understand?”
“Excuse me?” Seiji asked, incredulous.
“You heard me,” Nick said pleasantly. “I’ll bite you.”
“Don’t be dramatic,” Seiji jeered. “Just tell me why you and Jesse fence the same.”
Nick took Seiji’s hand in his and lifted it up to his mouth. He kissed Seiji’s knuckles gently, which seemed to shock Seiji. It was the first time Nick had kissed any part of him. Still smiling, Nick kissed the back of Seiji’s hand, then up his wrist, and his forearm…
“What are you—,” but Seiji never finished the thought, cut off by his own yelp as Nick bit him. Not hard, by any means. But a bite, nonetheless. Seiji yanked his arm away in alarm, regarding the slightly slobbery bite mark Nick had left there. “You’re disgusting,” Seiji told him with conviction. Nick just grinned. Seiji gave him one last repulsed look before going to wash his arm vigorously in the bathroom sink. Nick howled with laughter, satisfied now that Jesse wasn’t a topic likely to come up too soon.
Nick was happy. He’d only decided to ask Seiji out because he’d thought he was really cute that night at the movies. And Nick was an impulsive sort of person, so he’d acted on his attraction right off. But he was glad for it, this time, at least. Really glad. He’d been dating Seiji for about a month, and he’d found that he actually liked Seiji. Sure, there was the attraction, which, if he were being honest, had been there since the beginning. But he’d started finding Seiji’s blunt and insensitive way of speaking to be endearing, had become embarrassingly fond of how meticulous Seiji was in everything he did, and he loved every second he spent with Seiji. He’d never been so completely enthralled with someone before, and it was almost as terrifying as it was exhilarating.
“Seriously,” Aiden asked one night after practice, “when did you and Seiji get together? I knew it was bound to happen, I just can’t believe I didn’t spot it when it did.”
“You knew it would happen?” Nick asked, a little bewildered and a little pleased. Aiden just gave him a look that screamed so? Nick shook his head, glancing in Seiji’s direction. He was across the room, and, currently, his bare back was exposed. Nick let his eyes linger there until Seiji pulled on a shirt, then he shrugged and decided to answer Aiden. Why not? “That night I made him go with me to the horror movie no one else would watch.”
“Ah, that explains it,” Aiden nodded, like he’d just solved a puzzle. “I didn’t have time to suss it out before you got all touchy with Seiji. I’m surprised he lets you do that, and so soon, too.”
“Do what?” Nick asked. It was Aiden’s turn to shrug.
“Touch him so much. All the hand-holding and half-hug things you do—they don’t seem Seiji’s style at all.” Nick frowned at this.
“He just…goes along with it, I guess,” Nick shot another glance at Seiji, worry creeping up despite himself. “You don’t think—I mean, he’d tell me if he didn’t like it, wouldn’t he?”
“He’s your boyfriend,” Aiden said. “How would I know? I was just surprised, is all. I’d have thought he’d be the type to hate PDA and stuff.”
His conversation with Aiden stuck with Nick much longer than he’d have liked. Now that he thought on it, Seiji really did just let Nick do whatever. He never initiated any sort of affection, never suggested they go out, hardly ever referred to them as a couple. Nothing. He hadn’t really noticed it too much before then. Because it was no less than he’d have expected from Seiji. But, now that he thought on it, he had noticed it—at least in subconscious. It was probably the reason Nick had never tried for anything beyond baseline affection. Why he hadn’t tried to kiss Seiji despite his desire to do so.
By the time they were back to room 108, Nick was almost sick with worry. He hadn’t really given Seiji a say this whole relationship, had he? He’d practically bullied the poor guy into dating him in the first place. He cursed himself for his lack of communication skills and for his drive to get what he wanted, screw the consequences. This was a pretty big consequence and he regretted bringing it upon himself. It was entirely too possible that Seiji didn’t want to date Nick. That he didn’t like Nick at all but was too—too Seiji to correct him. A painful pit was opening in Nick’s stomach as he realized what he had to do.
“Seiji?” Nick closed their door behind them. Seiji dropped his things, then turned to Nick. “I think we should break up.” It was an effort to get the words out, but Nick managed it. He watched Seiji’s face intently, hoping to detect some show of dismay. But Seiji’s face was an unchanging mask of calm. At least, Nick thought, it didn’t betray any relief. That was something, he supposed.
“Alright,” was all Seiji offered as a response, then turned to fuss with the placement of his things. Nick watched him for a single moment before tearing his eyes away and turning to unburden his own load onto the floor, but he took no more care with it than that.
Nick wrestled with his emotions for as long as he could before determining that he needed a long shower tonight to obscure the tears he knew would come. He took a deep breath, realizing he’d have to cross over Seiji’s side of the room to get to the shower—and the release of emotions—he needed so badly.
Nick steeled himself, then made a dash for it. He wouldn’t have looked at Seiji, was determined not to look at him, if Seiji hadn’t jerked so suddenly. The movement caught Nick’s eye almost against his will, and he saw Seiji turning from him rapidly, but not before he caught a glimpse of what Seiji had been so desperately trying to hide. Nick stopped dead in his tracks, all thoughts of his shower evaporating.
Seiji sat hunched on his bed, headphones firmly in place over his ears and connected, for once, to his phone. Nick edged towards Seiji carefully, tempted to reach out and place a hand on his shoulder.
“Are you okay?” Nick asked, realizing it was a dumb question even as it slipped from his lips.
“What do you think?” Seiji asked viciously, turning to glare at Nick, fully revealing what Nick had caught a glimpse of moments before. Seiji’s face was streaked with tears, and the sight of it did funny things to Nick’s emotions. He wanted to rush to Seiji’s side, offering comfort. He felt terrible for Seiji’s grief but, even stronger than that, he felt a strange pull of joy and hope.
“Is that…because of me?” Nick asked. He was answered with a pair of headphones flung at him with extreme malice, phone careening after them. Nick went for the phone on reflex, catching it barely, but getting hit squarely in the face with Seiji’s intended projectile.
“I told you,” Seiji snarled, fresh tears spilling from his eyes. “I told you it wouldn’t work. You lost interest and threw me away, just like I knew you would,” his voice broke, and he glared all the fiercer for it. “I told you.”
“No,” Nick said, unable to come up with an adequate response fast enough. He set down Seiji’s phone carelessly, stepping up to Seiji and wrapping him in his arms before he properly sorted out what he was doing. Seiji immediately pushed against him, fighting the embrace, but Nick held firm, and Seiji eventually let himself fall limp against Nick’s torso.
“You’re wrong,” his words weren’t caught up with the rest of him, and he was happy that Seiji’s face was buried in his shirt so he couldn’t see Nick’s smile. He looked down at the top of Seiji’s head and tried again to explain himself. “I didn’t lose interest at all, Seiji, I swear. I just thought you probably wanted out.”
“I—what?” Seiji pulled away from Nick and wiped at his cheeks furiously.
“I didn’t give you a choice about dating me, did I? I mean, you got absolutely zero say and I just decided all by myself that we were together because I wanted to date you.”
“I wouldn’t have gone along with you if I hated it,” Seiji snapped, a blush superimposing over his cheeks, already ruddy from crying.
“Yeah, but not hating it still doesn’t mean it’s fair of me to trap you into a relationship you don’t really even want. I mean, you never…I always just kind of…” Nick rubbed his neck, flushing. “You never hold my hand by yourself or anything, you know?”
“I don’t waste time doing things I don’t like,” Seiji said, quiet and soft. “And I don’t know how to be with people,” he added in a rush, reddening further as he admitted this.
“Then…” Nick sat on the bed next to Seiji, who edged away from him slightly. Nick didn’t take it personally, knowing it was likely an act born of Seiji’s wounded pride. “Do you want to go out with me?”
“It won’t—,”
“It will work. I promise. I wouldn’t be so dumb this time.” Nick grinned at the dubious look Seiji gave him for that. “And besides, I wasn’t asking if you thought it would work. I asked you if you wanted to date me.”
Seiji considered this for a moment, then met Nick’s eyes with a determination Nick knew well and liked more than he’d ever tell Seiji. “I do,” Seiji told him, eyelashes still glimmering with tears that had, thankfully, stopped falling.
“Cool,” Nick smiled like an idiot.
“Cool?” Seiji repeated, mocking. Nick didn’t bat an eye at the remark, opting instead to take Seiji’s face in his hands. Seiji seized up, going as still and rigid as a board. A small laugh escaped from Nick, surprised and delighted by his ability to freeze up Seiji Katayama. I don’t know how to be with people, Seiji had said earlier. Nick found that incredibly endearing. Without another worry about any of it, Nick pulled Seiji to him, taking a kiss from his boyfriend for the first time. Nick might have left it at that one, perfect kiss, if not for the way Seiji grabbed onto his shirt, like he was afraid Nick would pull away. Or break up with him again. So Nick kissed Seiji harder, meanwhile wrapping an arm around Seiji’s lower back to pull him closer. He soon discovered that Seiji liked it when he gently rolled his lip between his teeth, and that if he touched a certain spot on his side with just the right amount of pressure, he’d shiver, and how he’d hold tighter to Nick’s shirt when his body drifted too far away, pulling him back by the bunches of fabric in his fists. Nick found out a lot of things about Seiji, and each new discovery thrilled him.
“Seiji?” He panted, lips only inches from Seiji’s.
“Hm?” Seiji seemed to be only half listening.
“I like you. I really, really like you.”
“You’d better,” and with that, Seiji closed the distance once again, kissing Nick in a way that left Nick with no doubt that his feelings were mutual.