Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

They were together from before the beginning.

Before everything.

Always together.

The two of them.

Floating around in the universe, in it’s vastness that we know nothing about.

Laughing, playing, loving.

Sharing thoughts about everything and anything.

Teasing, playing hide and seek in the dark and amongst the stars.

Always returning. The one clinging to the other.

Needing each other.

Wanting each other.

Loving each other.  

Until the explosion ripped them apart.

Separated, the hurt and pain was unbearable to the both of them.

The agony.

The devastation.

The loneliness.

They cried.

They yelled.

They searched.

They longed.

They became two  pieces of a puzzle that someone had tossed into separate parts of a dark room. The picture would never be whole without them.

Their world couldn't be perfect apart.

And so, they would forever search for their lost half.

Because none of them could survive without the other.

Because neither could stand the solitude.

Never.

Chapter Text

From the top of the hill, Isak can see his entire world. The green forest, big oaks, maples and water several places around him. The small lake to his right, the larger river to his left and in front of him, the big ocean . He’s kind of scared of the ocean. It's so huge, and he knows, if he could sail to the end, he would tip off the edge and be gone. Forever. But it’s too early to meet his ancestors, so he won’t.

He spots his family outside their cave. His father, mother, brothers and sister. His father is sitting by the fireplace making arrows, his mother is preparing meat for a meal. His baby sister runs around playing and his brothers are practicing their archery skills. 

His father shot a moose yesterday, the reason they won’t go to bed hungry tonight.

But they often do.

Isak adjusts the bow in his hand, lets his fingers feel the arrow in the other. Listening, watching, his eyes searching the surroundings. Perhaps he’ll spot a deer or a moose too. Shoot it and take it home. Prove to his father he can actually can hunt.

“You’re of no use, Isak. You have 15 summers now, you need to start hunting. My days are soon counted for, I’m heading for my 30th summer. Soon you will have the responsibility, you’ll have to for provide for our family, bring home meat for them to eat.” His father told him this yesterday.

Isak doesn’t want to shoot animals. He wants to eat, of course. But shoot them, kill those beasts? No.

He has to, though.

He is startled by a sound from behind. His reaction is immediate, turing on the spot, raising his bow. Pulling the string back and getting ready to let the arrow fly. Watch it hit the warm flesh of the animal he’s sure approaching.

But there’s no animal.

It’s a man.

A man not much older than himself, at least it doesn’t look like he’s.

The stranger raises both hands, and Isak lowers his bow and arrow.

“Hi.” The man says.

Isak somehow recognizes the voice and the way it sends shivers down his spine. He doesn’t know why it’s familiar, but it is. It’s safe and warm. 

“Hi.” Isak replies. “Who are you?”

“I’m Even.”

Isak looks into his eyes. They’re like the ocean. Like the sky on a sunny day. He feels like something in his body is drawn towards the man. As though the man is someone he’s been missing. But how can he miss someone he’s never seen before?

“Where did you come  from?”

“The other side of those hills.” He has a leather bag strapped to his body. His legs are covered with scratches and bruises and his arms are dark with dirt. “My family was killed ten nights ago. Wolves smelled our meat, attacked us. They ended up killing my sick father, my mother, my sisters. My whole entire family. I have noone left.”

“They’re in a better place now.”

“I know. But I’m not.”

“Would you like to follow them?”

“No!” Even’s eyes are pinned to his.

Isak can’t bear the feeling floating through his body. This whole encounter feels so familiar, feels really good. Like something beyond his mind is telling him that he belongs to this man. That this man belongs to him.

“No?”  Isak asks. His voice cracks.

“No, not yet. I have this feeling of blindly searching for something I don’t know what is. Like there is something that I have to find. But I have no idea what it is. Only that.. Maybe….. I’ve found it?” Even looks around before looking at Isak again.

“Me too.” Isak takes a step closer.

The tension between them is obvious.

Even raises his hand and touches his shoulder lightly.

Isak doesn’t know how to describe it, but it feels so good. Like a big, bright light spreads through his body, like something just healed him, even if didn’t think himself in need of healing.

“ISAK!” there’s a loud voice coming from behind him.

And everything happens at once.

The arrow sizzling through the air just as the roar escapes the animal.

Isak sees the arrow hitting Even’s chest just as the paws from the lynx hit his own chest. The  pain comes when its teeth penetrates the skin of his throat.

It all turns dark.

Chapter Text

Even walks out, leaves the house.

He tries to resist the urge to slam the door behind him, but gives in. He is furious. His dad, the chieftain, has spoken, and his words are the law. Even hates it. He doesn’t hate his father, though. Not yet, that is. It’s more his decisions, especially how he makes them without talking to Even. He hates that even more than this particular decision itself.

“You’re going to be part of our next raid, Even. You’re seventeen summers old now. It’s about time. Most boys participate when they’re 15. Your mother’s been too soft on you.”

Even didn’t even listen to the rest of his words, just turned around and walked out of there.

He doesn’t want to help his dad and his brutal Vikings with their raids. Doesn’t want to hurt other people. Doesn’t want to kill and rape as they do. In addition, he despises their bragging about it after. Even hates their way of life to the extent that he has tried, several times, to talk to his mother about it, unsuccessfully.

They are Vikings.

Vikings raid, kill and rape.

*

Five weeks later, Even climbs out of the longship and sets his feet on the rocky shores of Jorvik. The trip across the sea has been excruciating. He hates every single one of the men in the boat. He hates their mission. He hates being a Viking.

Hates it.

While walking away from their ship, he can hear the angry voice of his father, shouting loudly at him, wanting him to stop, wanting him to come back. But Even ignores him, doesn’t want to talk to him. Wants to get away. Maybe he should just run away, hide, stay in this country. Then he wouldn’t have to participate in the violence and bloodshed they’re planning. He doesn’t know what he think is worst; the killing or the raping. Just the thought of doing such things to another person disgusts him.

He starts running up the hill right in front of him. Runs fast. His heart pumping quickly, his breath coming rapidly. After almost three weeks on that ship, he can feel his legs weakening. Also he soon runs out of breath.

On the top of the hill, he rests. Falls to his knees and breathes. He can see the landscape on the other side. Green fields, some small houses surrounded by stone fences, grass on their roofs, just like back home. A couple of kids are running around outside one of the houses, and he gets this inkling to warn them. Warn everybody about his father and his gang, who are probably planning their attack right this moment. The one they will go through with tomorrow. They’re most likely drunk on mjod already, scrawling ugly songs about how women deserve their big cocks, and about the stupid foreign men who deserve to die.

Even knows they speak a different language here, so they cannot understand him anyway. They will probably just kill him on sight if he dares get too close to their houses. But then again, if he doesn’t warn them, his father and the gang will kill them in turn.

He gets to his feet and walks faster. Further down the hill, towards the small houses,but he doesn’t dare walk up to them. He just walks past, towards a couple of small houses at the edge of a forest. It looks like some kind of shed or something, and he guesses they will be as good a sleeping ground as any. Just for tonight....

He slowly opens the door when he gets there, and utters a low “hello” into the darkness of the shed. No sounds, so he takes a few careful steps into the dark, stops a bit to let his eyes adjust to the darkness. He can see some hay on one side, probably for the horses. On the other side, there are buckets, ropes and large sticks. He takes a couple more steps, closes the door properly behind him and walks towards the hay. He tosses himself into it and breathes.

He’s kind of sealed his own destiny now. He can neither go back to his father nor talk to the locals, because, well, he doesn’t know the language. He might be able to steal some clothes and pretend to be a local who can’t speak? Dumb or something? He knows there are people with no tongues, because they’ve been cut out. And those people can’t speak. Maybe he can cut his own tongue out? Just to save his own life? He’ll have to deal with that tomorrow.

Even can feel himself drifting off into sleep. Somewhere along the way he seems to have decided it’s safe to stay in the shed, so he does.

“HEY!”

Even’s on his feet before he’s properly awake.

There’s a man standing in front of him. He must have been the one shouting. The man has a large knife in his hand. Holding it up towards him. Even can’t understand what he is saying. His mouth is moving and there are several sounds coming out of it, but it’s impossible for Even to understand a single word. Even raises his hands and tries to give the man some signal that he doesn’t understand.

The man in front of him stops talking, not lowering his knife.

Instead he points to his own chest with his free hand and says:

“ISAK”.

His name is Isak. Even gets it. He points to himself and says.

“EVEN”.

Isak points at him, repeats “Even.” and nods. “Viking?” The knife comes closer to his chest. It is pointed at his heart now.

No! No no no!

Even shakes his head, and stutters, “No no no.”

Isak grabs his shirt and says “Viking” again, and Even understands that his clothes are giving him away. But he can get out of it. He can. He has to.

He slowly walks over to the other side of the room, Isaks eyes follow him, the knife is still pointed. Even grabs the rope he saw yesterday, winds it around his wrists, and tosses it to Isak . Points to Isak and says. “Viking”, and at himself and says “Trell.”

He doesn’t know if Isak understands that trell is the word the Vikings use for their slaves, but Isak nods, walks up to him and releases him from the rope. Also, he puts his knife away.

Even feels a little calmer at that, and is able to look at Isak. He’s about the same age as himself, and he has green eyes. His hair is curly, and when he looks up, he actually smiles. Even thinks he’s beautiful. He’s never seen such beauty in a man before so he has to smile at him.

All of the sudden, Even hear someone talking, but it’s as though it isn’t coming from the outside, more like inside his head. The words are familiar, although not in the language he knows.

“It’s you.” The voice says, and he says it back, and when he looks at Isak again, he can see Isak’s eyes widen, and his mouth falling open.

Isak walks up to him. Stretches  his arm slowly towards him grabbing him by the hand, and Even feel the warmth from Isak roaming through his body. It feels like someone’s put a missing part back in his body, and all of a sudden he’s whole again. Even if he didn’t know he was broken.

They stay still, watching each other, eyes meeting and Even can feel himself drown in Isak’s  green eyes. He’s never felt this way before. Didn’t  even know it was possible to feel this way. His legs are shaking and his heart is pounding. Isak opens and closes his mouth. Just as though he is about to say something, but there is not a sound to be heard

The voice in his head speaks again. In a language he doesn’t understand, but he knows the meanomg, has always known these words, but never used them. “I’ve missed you.” the voice says, and he says them back once more. Doesn’t know how he does it, but he does.

It’s making Isak smile.

Smiling so widely, that Even  thinks his heart is about to hammer out of his body. Even knows he is smiling too, because his mouth is open, and he can barely see anything because his eyes are almost shut due to his smile.

They take a small step towards one another. Their bodies almost touching. Even is holding onto Isak’s hand, squeezing it softly while Isak squeezes back.

Even can even smell him, feel the warmth of his body so near his own, feel his soft beard against his cheek.

He knows he’s not supposed to feel this way.

He knows he’s supposed to kiss girls.

But he doesn’t want to.

He wants to kiss Isak. Right now. And he doesn’t understand.

Even eyes find Isak’s, interlocking with them. Isak’s eyes are smiling at him, his mouth too and his whole face is just so beautiful.

The shed is warm. Even feels like he’s burning inside. He’s shaking, he’s longing to put his arms around the man in front of him. He wants to hug him, kiss him, hold him, and make him feel safe. Wants to be with him. Again.

Again?

He’s never seen the man before, why is he thinking that?

“Me too,” says the voice in his head.

Even nods and leans forward.

His chin touches Isak’s cheek and it feels safe, known and comforting. Even leans into Isak, puts his hand on Isak’s back and pulls him closer.

Isak lifts his head and looks at him again. He’s smiling, the warmth and comfort from his body spreading through Even, making him feel safe.

And loved.

The crack rumbles loudly, but Even doesn't really get it at once.

It’s from above their heads. They both look up at the same time, grabbing each other, holding tightly onto one another while watching the large beam that is falling towards them.

In the blink of an eyed, Even knows why it’s so hot. It isn’t just Isak. The shed is on fire and he hears their voices from outside.

The Norwegian words.

That is all he perceives before the burning beam hit them.

It all turns dark.

Chapter Text

Finally, he can see the houses far down in the valley. He’s exhausted and his feet hurt. Isak looks down at his shoes, or what used to be his shoes. Now, there’s just laces and  half a sole on his right foot, and the left shoe has a big hole in it. He can feel the ground when he puts his foot down. His clothes are dirty and full of holes as well, and he can see dirt on his hands and between his fingers. His legs are black. He knows there’s another color  beneath the dirt, but it doesn’t matter. The dirt kinds of keep him a bit warmer at nights, especially when he hasn’t been able to light a fire.

He doesn’t know what day or month it is. He just knows he left home in late April, but has no idea how many days he’s been walking. When his mother died, the last of his family to suffer the horrible death by the Black Plague, he packed all the items he could carry, and started walking. He didn’t even bury his mother. Just covered her in blankets and left her on the bed. He feels kind of guilty about it, but tries not to think too much.

Tears come pressing behind his eyelids when he reminisces. His entire family is dead. His sister, brothers, mother and father. All dead because of the plague. It’s not fair.

And because of what has happened, he couldn’t stay there.

There’s a small farm clinging to the hillside, not far from him. He can see smoke coming out of the chimney, and he can see a woman walking up to the house. She’s carrying a basket. Isak walks closer, careful so not to be seen. She stops, puts the basket down and reaches down into it to pull out some clothes. Isak watches her hang the clothes over the fence surrounding the house. Isak can see  that it’s a pair of pants and a shirt. A skirt and a robe. He doesn’t need the last two items, but a pair of pants and a shirt he could use.

He walks closer and hides behind a small grove, waiting for the woman to go inside. When she finally does, he sneaks up to the fence, grabs the pants and shirt before skulking back. Remembering how he passed a small lake just a while back. So he starts walking back there.

At the lakeshore, he strips out of his clothes and jumps into the water. It’s freezing, but still it feels good. He scrubs his own skin with his fingers and nails, trying to get rid of most of the dirt. Dives under with his head and rinses his hair and face, neck, behind his ears and his throat. It feels good. Really good, despite the cold water.

Fortunately, the sun is up, and as he lays down in the grass, naked as the Lord himself brought him to this earth. He says a prayer, asking forgiveness for abandoning his mother’s dead body and for stealing the clothes. Then he asks the God Almighty to provide him with a work. He knows there are many wealthy people in this valley, and there must be someone willing to pay him for an honest job. He’s a strong man, and he knows how to work a plough. Besides, he knows a lot about farming. Where to grow the grain to get the best crop, where the cattle should pasture to get the best milk, what sort of hay the sheep should be eating to produce the finest wool and so on. He’s learned a lot from  his father, working with him since he was a little boy.

Isak walks down to what he assumes is Hamar, the little town by Mjøsa, a couple of days later. He knows there’s a large farm somewhere around here, where he can ask the landlord for work. He just doesn’t know exactly where.

“Hey!”

A voice comes from behind. Isak startles and jumps to the side of the road.

A horse and carriage approaches, a man is holding the reins, and steers the horse past him. Isak looks at the man. He’s tall, thin, fair, has kind of long hair.

The carriage stops a couple of meters in front of him, and the man leans out to look back at Isak. The eyes that meet his own, are blue like the sky. Isak has never seen eyes like those.

“Who are you? I haven’t seen you around these parts before?”

Isak walks up to  him.

“Hi, sir. I’m Isak. I come from Valdres. I’ve walked all the way here, all my family died in the plague.”

“Oh.” The man looks at him, like really looks, like he’s afraid he's contagious or something.  

“I’ve walked for some time, so I’m free of the plague. I started out at the end of April. What day is it today?”

The man looks at him, his eyes widening. “The end of April? Today is the 1st of June. You’ve been walking for over a month?”

“I guess.”

“Wow. What are you seeking?”

“Work.” Isak answers, looking to the ground.

“Hop up.” the man says. “You can work at my father's farm. Aker. It’s the biggest farm around here, plenty to do, decent pay, and you can sleep with the other workers next to the barn.”

“Are you serious?” Isak looks at him.

“Dead serious.”

Isak climbs into the carriage, and sits down beside the man. “I’m Even by the way.” The man says, and puts his hand out. Isak grabs it, and in the moment their skin meets, something happens. It’s a tingling feeling, like someone is tickling him, but it spreads across his skin, up through his arm and shoulder, bombarding his heart, making it beat rapidly.

He pulls his hand back, and looks at Even. He’s smiling. “Who are you?” Even asks.

“I told you. I’m Isak. From Valdres.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that.” Even raises his eyebrows. “Your hand, when I touched it, I got all these tingling feelings.”

“Yeah. I know.” Isak’s  breath shivers. “I felt the same, and don’t know why. Who are you?”

“I’m Even, son of the richest man in the area. The lunatic.”

“The lunatic?” Isak looks at him. He doesn’t look like a lunatic. He remembers one of the men in Valdres, walking around in dirty clothes, carrying a stick and yelling all the time.

“Yeah. I sometimes lose the grip of reality. Get brilliant ideas and make a mess. My mum says I’m born a hundred years too early. But I don’t know.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. You’ll probably hear the rumors anyway, so it’s better I tell you at once. My family takes care of me. When I’m not crazy I do my chores.”

“You don’t look like you’re crazy or a lunatic. You’re beautiful.” Isak doesn’t know where that came from. Calling a man beautiful? Girls are beautiful, that’s what he was raised to think. Boys and men are strong, manly, perhaps handsome. Not beautiful. He blushes when Even looks at him.

“You’re beautiful too, Isak from Valdres.”

Even looks ahead, snaps the rains, makes a sound with his tongue, and the horse starts trotting.

They sit in silence for a while before Even turns to him, looking down at his feet. “You don’t have any shoes?”

Isak shakes his head, a small huff slips out. “No, they’re worn out. A month of walking made them useless. I tossed them away.”

“Look under the rug behind us. I think there’s a pair of shoes there. You can have them.”

“No."

“Yes. Take them. They’re mine, but I’ve got shoes. Don’t need two pairs. Please.”

Isak turns around and lifts the rug. Picking up a pair of shoes. They look like they’re brand new. He looks at Even and then at the shoes. “They’re brand new.”

“I know. My mother got them for me. Says the son of the farmer on Aker needs to use new shoes, but the ones I’ve got are more than good enough. Take them, please.” Even looks at him. Smiles. “Please.”

“Okey.” Isak grabs the shoes, puts them on. They feel great on his feet. He’s never worn shoes like these before. They’re expensive, he can feel it.

“They look good on you.” Even smiles.

“Thanks.”

After about an hour, Even leads the horse off of the road and onto another, smaller, bumpier road. Isak looks ahead . There are large buildings towering over them on the hilltop, a grey, pretty big house, and behind it, a slightly larger building. Probably the barn. Several smaller houses are spread around the two main buildings. Probably the smokehouse, the storehouse and smithy. He’s not able to close his eyes, so he keeps staring.

Even laughs. “Never seen a farm this big before?”

Isak looks at him and shakes his head. “No. None of the farms where I come from are this big. And they probably never will be. There aren’t many people left up there.”

“This is my father’s farm. Aker farm. We have wealth in abundance, and I kind of hate it. My sister loves it, brags about it, treats poor people badly and is a truly vicious person. But don’t mind her. She’s about to marry a man from Oslo, so she’ll soon be gone.”

“Okey.” Isak hesitates. He’s poor. Does that mean she’ll treat him badly? He doesn't get the chance to fear it, because Even keeps talking. 

“My brother is a decent man, though. He’s the one who’s going to run the farm after my dad. But he’s too young still, only 15 years old, so it’ll take some time.”

“Why not you? Isn’t it supposed to be the oldest son?”

“Yeah, but a lunatic like me can’t run a farm like this.” Even smiles, and Isak startles.

“That’s not fair.”

“Life’s not fair, Isak from Valdres. Get used to it. Besides, I don’t want to run this farm. I want to be free to do what I like. Maybe I’ll die tomorrow and then it will have  been a waste of time for me to learn how to run a big farm.”

Isak stares. “Please. Don’t talk like that.”

“Oh, sorry Isak. I forgot that you’d lost all your family. Please forgive me.”

“No, it wasn’t because of that. I just… I don’t want you to die.”

Even halts the horse, turns around and looks at him. “No one has ever said that to me before, Isak. Thank you!”

Isak keeps staring. “No one?”

“No one.”

Even puts his hand on Isak’s shoulder, and he can feel it burn through the linen of his stolen shirt. Even’s thumb is moving against his clavicle. It’s sending shivers down his spine, all the way to his stomach.

“Even? What are you doing to me?”

“I don’t know, but I could ask you the same thing, Isak from Valdres. What are you doing to me? You make my heart jump, you make my stomach turn upside down, and you make me want to touch you.”

“No, you’re doing that to me, Even. Who are you?”

“I’m just Even, the lunatic.”

Even removes his hand and takes the reins again. Snaps them and the horse starts walking up the road.

In front of the main house, a man, not much older than Isak, runs out from the barn and greets them. Greets Even, that is.

“Hi, master Even. How was your trip?”

“Fine, thank you, Mikkel.”

“Let me take the horse. Your mother has been worried about you.”

Even laughs. “She always is, Mikkel. I’ll talk to her. Can you show Isak the worker’s house? He’s going to stay here for some while.”

“Okey. Hi, Isak. I’m Mikkel.”

“Hi.” Isak shakes his hand.

“Come with me!”

Mikkel grabs the horse by his bridle and snaps his tongue. The horse follows, and Isak follows them both. Looking over his shoulder to see Even walk into the main house.

Mikkel walks over to the stable, unleashes the animal, and lets it free in the paddock.

“So, Isak. Where are you from?”

“Valdres.” Isak says. “My whole family died in the plague, so I walked all the way here.”

“You walked here? Wow.” Mikkel looks at him. “That’s something.”

“I guess. I had nothing left in Valdres, and I thought, why stay? Even offered me work here at the farm and a place to stay.”

“You must be someone special. Even’s never done that before. He’s…” Mikkel looks to the house. “He’s not like everybody else.”

“I know. He told me.” Isak says.

“He told YOU?” Mikkel stares at him.

“Yeah.”

Mikkel shuts his mouth, and shakes his head. Mumbles “Unbelievable,” and walks to the end of the barn to open the door and let Isak in.

The room they enter into is enormous, at least for Isak. He's never seen a room this big before. It's a large table in the middle, surrounded by at least 10 beds by the walls. There’s a big fireplace in one corner and a large pot hangs over the fire.

“Everybody, this is Isak. He’s from Valdres, and he’s going to work here for a while.”

Four men and three women walk up to him and introduce themselves. Isak doesn’t get all the names, but one girls name is Eva. He know he’ll remember that, because his little sister’s name was Eva. He shakes the memory away, doesn't want to think about that now. He's going to start his new life now. 

“Have a seat, Isak from Valdres.” Eva says. “You might want something to eat? It’s oatmeal, of course. Oatmeal for breakfast, lunch and supper. For dinner, we usually get leftovers from the main house. Or you can hardly call it leftovers. It’s a lot of food. People are not stingy here in Aker, they’re generous to all kinds, also to servants like us.”

Isak goes to bed later that evening, thinking his life has improved dramatically since this morning. He got himself a job, has a roof over his head, apparently nice people around him, and he might have a friend in Even.

Even.

The name follows him into his dreams. It’s a kind of dream Isak’s never dreamed before. It’s like he’s floating around with Even, they’re laughing and playing with each other. No boundaries, no restrictions, and no other people. It’s like they’re flying.

Then, all of a sudden they’re not flying anymore, they’re in a green field, just like the fields of Valdres. They’re lying in the grass, both on their backs, facing the sky. It’s a beautiful blue color, like Even’s eyes. They talk and talk, about everything. Even tells him he looks beautiful, and Isak says it back. He touches him, his hand, his arm, his shoulder, his chest. It feels like Evens fingertips are shooting fire through the fabric in Isak’s shirt. All of the sudden, their shirts are gone, and they’re almost naked.

Isak’s never seen a naked man before in his life. Off course he’s seen his father, uncles and other farmers shirtless, but not without pants. The sight of Even takes his breath away. His heart beating so fast he can almost feel it's bursting through his chest. He is out of breath, unable to speak.

“Isak?” Even says, his arms are suddenly around his back pulling him towards him. Isak leans in, and puts  his own arms around Even’s waist. Feeling his chin against his own chin feels so good, yet he knows it’s wrong. He shouldn’t feel like this about a man. But he does, and even if he know it’s wrong, it feels so right.

“Even?” he answers. “Why does this feel so right when I’ve been taught that it’s wrong? Why?”

“Because what you’ve been told is wrong. This is what’s right.” Even looks him in the eyes and closes the distance between their lips. In that moment, when their lips meet, Isak can feel the blood travelling through his body at a million miles an hour. His heart beating like there’s no tomorrow.

Isak is pulled out of his dreams by four strong arms, and a loud voice.

GRAB HIM! HOLD HIM DOWN! HE’S BEWITCHED MASTER EVEN!”

Isak tries to get his hands and legs free, but the men holding him are strong. He shouts; “What have I done?”

A man in a black gown comes forward and holds up a cross in front of him. “You’ve bewitched master Even. He’s told his mother that he’s in love with a man. Everyone knows that’s something one only says when one has been bewitched. And you, Isak from Valdres, have those green, devil’s eyes. You even convinced Even to give you a job and to give you his shoes too, didn’t you?”

“No, he gave them to me.”

“After you cast a spell on him, right?”

“No...I….”

“And you made him take you here, and tell you he’d give you a job?”

“No, I didn’t make him do any of that. He offered!” Isak feels the despair in his own voice. He tries to make his voice steady, but fails. 

“Right after the spell.” The priest nods. “He even told you he was ill? Even doesn’t share that with anybody.”

“He did with me.” Isak looks at him, his voice shivers. 

“No, he doesn’t. Not only did you cast a spell on him, you read his mind too. You’re a wizard, a witchman, a sorcerer. And we’ve got proof.”

“What proof?” Isak looks at him. He doesn't understand what's happening. He hasn't done anything, he knows. And Even was just kind. 

“Your boots.”

“Even gave them to me!” Isak lowers his voice, the tears burns behind his eyelids. 

“Because you told him to.” The priest turns around and points to the carriage placed outside the barn. “Tie him up, and take him to the crypt.”

“NOOO!” Isak yells. “Please, I’ve done no such thing. I’m just a boy from Valdres. Please!”

He can feel the rope around his arms and legs, and he’s tossed onto the carriage. The horse in front starts walking and Isak rolls back and forth. It hurts, his head bumps into both the floor of the carriage and the walls. From a distance, he can hear someone screaming. A dark, desperate sound, that is his name. Someone’s screaming his name, and he knows it’s not just someone.

it’s Even.

***

Isak doesn’t know how long he’s been there. It’s dark, cold and raw. He’s freezing, his body shaking. He tries to curl up as much as he can to stay warm, but it doesn’t help.

The door opens from time to time, and a bowl of something is pushed across the floor. He can see shadows of a hand pushing it in. He crawls towards it, smells it and eats some of it when the hunger gets unbearable.

Sleep takes him from time to time. And in his sleep, he dreams. Only ever of one thing. Only ever of Even. They’re in the green field. Lying on their backs, holding hands, talking. Both with and without words. Isak has no idea if it’s  possible to talk without words in real life, but it’s nice doing it within the dream. He feels like he knows Even from way back.

But how can he?

When he’s awake, he only sits or lies there. Waiting for the sleep to get him again. Because sleeping is setting him free. He starts thinking about death. It would feel like salvation now. Even if he really doesn’t want to die, because he really wants to see Even again. However, he’s come to the conclusion that it might not happen.

Ever.

***

He’s torn out of his dreams by a voice coming from above him.

“Get up!”

He can’t see the man, because of the light coming from the lamp dangling just in front of his eyes, blinding him. Or maybe he’s turned blind altogether? Isak doesn't’ know. He gets to his feet, feels how hands are grabbing his arms and a hood is pulled over his head.

“What?” Is all Isak can say before he’s being pulled along. His feet doesn’t work, he’s dragged out of the dark room, toes scraping the floor. The men are obviously in a hurry. They walk up some stairs, and his legs bump into each step on the way. It should hurt, but it doesn’t.

He can feel the fresh air through the hood, and feel it caressing the skin of his hands and neck. He hears voices from a distance. They yell. But he can’t make out the words. He probably will be able to when they get closer, if they’re heading in that direction.

They are.

Shouts from the crowd are getting closer and closer. He recognizes the words now. They are hateful, words like “kill him”, “burn”, “bewitched” and “die.”

Isak puts his feet on the ground and tries to get free from the hands holding him. “What are you going to do with me?” he yells.

The men holding him come to a halt, but the grip on his arms is still firm. “The priests have bestowed the death penalty upon you for committing the crime of witchcraft. You’ve bewitched master Even of Aker farm. You’re heading for the fire.”

No.

No, no.

Isak’s no sorcerer. He’s just Isak from Valdres. Just a boy. He has never bewitched anyone, and certainly not Even.

Even.

His heart is beating forcefully, and he’s about to faint, he can feel it.

“Can you please take off my hood?” He asks. He doesn’t know why he wants to see the men, but still asks.

“No. Your green eyes are dangerous. It’s probably those that have been casting spells on master Even. He’s sick now. Lying in his bed. Hasn’t been out of his bed since the day you were brought here. Two months in bed. That’s some kind of spell.” The man yells, even if he’s just a couple of feet away from Isak.

“He’s not been out of bed because you’ve been holding me captured here”, the words come into Isak’s head. He doesn’t know why he thinks that, but he knows it’s the truth.

He’s being dragged further along, and elevated onto something. He can feel the blend of leaves, smaller sticks and chunks of wood under his feet and he understands that they’ve placed him on the pyre. His legs are tied to a pole, his arms behind the same pole and a rope is placed around his neck, also tied to the pole, probably so he won't look down.

“Ladies and gentlemen!” There’s voice coming from a distance.

“This man, Isak from Valdres, has been sentenced to death by fire due to his practice of witchcraft. He’s accused and found guilty of bewitching master Even of Aker farm. His green eyes are our proof, and he’s told us that he has used his mind to  manipulate master Even too! To make sure his viles will burn with him, he will be burnt without his hood on. I warn you, good people, DO NOT make eye contact with this man when the hood is removed!”

The crowd is yelling. The same words as before and lots of “Buuuhuuu’s”.

“LIGHT THE FIRE!” The voice yells.

It all happens at the same time. A hand removes his hood. The bright light blinding him for a little while before he can see again, and then he can see torches being placed by the sticks and wood at his feet.

Isak looks up and sees the crowd.

All of them with their heads bowed to the ground. He can see children, women, men, and he can see Mikkel, and the girl Eva. They’re also bowing their heads to the ground.

He looks up at the clouds travelling fast across the blue sky, feeling like he was once there, and that he’ll be going back there now. He isn’t afraid, he’s just sad. He misses Even, and how can that be? How come he’s missing someone he’s only known for a couple of hours? He does, though. He misses him so much, it has become a burning in his stomach, his throat thick, tears are forming in his eyes.

Then he hears it.

The scream.

“ISAAAAAK!”

It’s him.

Isak looks hastily over the crowd. He searches for him with eyes that still aren’t accustomed to the bright light around him, and then he sees him. He’s on the rooftop. Right in front of him. It’s the roof of a large building, two stories high. With the roof on top, maybe it’s eight meters to the ground from where Even is standing. He should be careful not to fall down. Then he will die, Isak thinks to himself, still he can’t do anything but smile.

The crowd turns to look at Even, and there’s movement there, people trying to get to the roof of the building. Isak ignores them, and apparently Even does too. He looks straight at Isak.

“I’m going with you.”

The voice isn’t audible anymore. It’s in his head. He can see Evens eyes from the distance, and he knows he’s not moving his lips, still Isak hears his voice. Feels him look into his eyes for sure. “NO!”

“If I can’t live with you, I can’t live.” The voice inside his head is so soft, so loving, so tender. It makes Isak’s heartbeat steady, tears flowing down his cheeks.

“But you can, Even. You can live without me. Make a good life!” Isak says silently to Even with his mind.

“I can’t have a good life without you. I can’t have a life without you. I don’t want a life without you. You’re the one I’ve been waiting for all my life, I found you, and now you’re being taken away from me.”

Isak doesn’t know whether it’s Even’s words or the fire making him burn, probably both.

“I know, Even. I feel it too. I’ve felt it since you picked me up that day, and I don’t understand. It feels like we belong together. Like we’ve been torn apart for some reason, and are struggling to be whole, together again. We had it, and now we don’t.”

“Yeah. We were meant to be, but now we can’t.”

Isak ignores the pain in his feet. But he moans. Both aloud and silently to Even.

“Are you hurting? Does it hurts? Look at me, Isak. Look at me. Look into my eyes. There is no pain in my eyes. Soon it’ll be over, and you’ll be free of the pain.”

“I know, Even. But you won’t be.”

“Yes. I will be free too. I’m going with you. Just say when, and I’m going with you in that exact moment. Please, Isak. Let me come with you.”

The tears are streaming down Isak’s cheeks, but he doesn’t let go of Even’s eyes. The pain in his legs spreads upwards to his thighs, his groin, and his abdomen. It’s harder to breathe, and the smoke suddenly blocks his view to Even. He struggles to keep his eyes open.

“I can’t see you, Even. The smoke.”

“I’m here, Isak. I’m looking at you. You’re so brave. Try not to scream, the crowd would applaud that, and they don’t deserve it. You’re so beautiful.”

“It hurts.” Isak communicates.

“I know, just let go. Make yourself faint, and the pain will go away.”

“No, I have to let you know when. You will follow, won’t you?”

“I will. Always. You’re not alone, Isak.”

A small breeze blows the smoke in front of Isak away, and he can see Even again, standing there, on the rooftop, high above the crowd. Isak can see he’s got a dagger in his hand, and he’s pointing it at his heart.

Isak searches for his eyes. “I’m going to scream your name. That’s the sign.”

“Ok, Isak.” The voice in his head is the last thing he can hear, and he screams:

“EVEN!”

The sound of Evens voice is the last thing he hears, he screams his name, and the last thing Isak sees is Evens body falling to the ground.

It all turns dark.

Chapter Text

Even walks out the door five minutes too late, as usual. He’s heading for work and he’ll probably be late. Again. His boss will smile at him, overbearingly. Again. Tell him to mind the time. Again. Then, in the end of the day, he will probably work half an hour longer than he was supposed to. Again.

He smiles when he walks down the street, even if he really has no reason to.

The war is in its fifth year, it’s December 1944, and even if today is quiet, the bombing and rain of fire might start at any time. Even doesn’t understand this war-thing. He doesn’t understand Der Führer, and he doesn’t understand the idea of conquering as much land as possible. Still, he doesn’t voice those opinions out loud, though, because living in Germany, staying alive in Germany, depends on supporting Der Führer. Therefore, he pretends.

He completes his chores. Goes to work each day. Gets his groceries, as much as he’s allowed to buy, goes home, makes dinner, lies down in bed, reads and goes to sleep. Every day. He’s a fully functioning part of the German machinery.

Some evenings he doesn’t read, though, he writes instead. Writes stories about freedom, love, justice and a boy.

Yeah, and not just some random boy. No. That boy. The one he caught a glimpse of some months ago. The one with hair that is a bit too long, green eyes, that beautiful smile, and the long, handsome and utterly sexy body. Even somtimes thinks about what would happen if someone were to find out what kind of stories he writes. It sends chills down his spine. The stories makes him hard, they make him shiver and they make him come.

He doesn’t know the boys name, but there’s something about him that has his undivided attention. Even doesn’t know why, he just has.

Even’s been searching for him in the streets. Searching the stores, the workshops and the factories for him, but he’s nowhere to be found. He can’t get this boy, this man, out of his mind, even if he’s tried. So many times. He’s even tried to flirt a bit with this girl at work, Sonja, but his heart wasn’t in it, and Sonja got upset, of course. But where can he be? The boy, that is.

The bell on the door tells him there are customers in the shop. Even walks through the door and slips in behind the counter. Then he freezes and stares.

It’s him.

Even snaps out of it, and manages to walk all the way to the desk, speaking as politely as he can, using the steadiest voice he’s able to come up with.

‘’Guten Morgen. How may I help you?”

“Guten Morgen” The man says. Even his voice is beautiful. “I’m looking for some pens and a notebook.” He smiles. “I’m taking some classes in biology. Der Führer encourages us to study biology. Research the human biology and how to make the perfect human being.”

“Oh.” Even’s whole body startles. He didn’t expect him to be that kind of man. He was hoping he was different. His face must have given him away, because the man leans across the desk and, uses his index finger to get Even closer, and whispers.

“And I will be working against that, if I get the chance.”

Evens face turns into a grin. The whisper from the man sends strange little shivers down his spine.

“I like what you’re saying.” Even whispers back, then stands up, raising his voice a bit.  “Pens and notebooks. Off course. We have different types. What kind do you prefer?”

“Oh, I don’t like things that are too much like what everyone else has. I like something that will stand out in the crowd.” The man grins at him, leaning forward. “And I don’t like people being treated badly or even killed just because they are different.” He whispers again, looking over his shoulder. He surely knows he’s taking a risk by talking of dangerous things like these.

“I totally agree.” Even nods, and lifts a couple of notepads and pens onto the counter.

The man takes his time choosing, examining a red pen, then a blue pen and two notebooks. He looks up at Even and their eyes lock for a second. “Do you have crayons? Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet? And of course pink?"  He keeps looking at him, and Even knows he’s seen those eyes before. He just doesn’t know where, he only knows he has to see them again.

“Yes, I think I have.” Even turns around and picks up a packet of crayons. “We usually only sell those to children, but perhaps you are a father? What do I know?”

“No, no. No Children.” He actually laughs. “I just like to make things colorful. And I like those colors. Not really the pink one though.”

“Okey.” Even carefully tallies up the items he has chosen, and tells him the total price, trying hard to be professional and polite. The man hands over his Deutschmarks, making the sound of the coins clatter against the wooden counter.

“Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.” Even smiles at him. The man turns around and walks to the door.

“Hey, wait. Why don’t you like the pink one?”

He turns around and looks at Even. There’s sadness in his eyes. “You know  what the “Pink triangle” symbol means, and what’s done to those who must wear it?”

Even swallows. He knows. He just nods.

“That’s why.” The man walks out the door and Even sinks down on the chair behind the desk.

The pink triangle. The symbol the Nazis have put on homosexuals. Even’s heard all those horror stories. About how homosexuals are being deported along with Jews, Gypsies, redheads and other people not suitable for the German Reich . He shivers, he’s actually afraid. What if someone finds out that he also likes boys?

What if someone finds out that he likes the man who just left the shop? Because he does. There’s something about that man. Something that makes him easy to talk to. Something that makes Even feel like he knows him, feel like they belong together for some strange reason.

Later that evening, Even is lying in bed. He’s written another chapter of his story, and ended up jerking off. Frantically and angst ridden, his hand hidden deep beneath the covers. Pleasured himself to the image of those green eyes. The ones he saw in the store today. The image of that lean upper body, the smile, the hair.

The man.

The feeling of being sexually attracted to a man, makes Even both nervous and calm at the same time. He knows that most people, especially the government sees it as wrong and bad. He could get arrested or killed if someone were to find out. However, how can something so good be bad? Even doesn’t understand, and maybe he doesn’t want to understand either? Because he can’t stop thinking about this man who has entered his life. Besides, when he thinks of him, it makes him kind of relaxed, makes him feel good. It’s all so confusing, and Even wishes there was a simple solution, to make his mind and heart calm down.

***

Three days later the bell over the door rings again, and Even just knows it’s him. He walks into the store and Even stands up straight behind the desk. The man walks up to him and looks him in the eyes. Smiles. Leans over and curls his index finger to get Even closer again. He leans in, almost touching his face with his chin and he whispers. “I need another notebook.”

The man smiles when leaning back.

“You know, it’s not illegal to buy a notebook?” Even smiles at him.

“Yeah, I know.” he leans in again, whispers. “I just wanted to know what you smell like.”

Even startles. All the blood in his body is starting to pool between his legs, and he’s struggling to remain still, so he leans heavily onto the desk. Uses the man’s own trick, using his index finger to beckon him closer. “Why?”

The man stands back and looks at him. Straight in the eyes, his mouth curled into a smile.

“I thought you would know why.”

The answer makes Even shiver. He nods. “I guess I do.”

“Good.” The man smiles even wider, his eyes firmly locked on Even’s, then he nods slowly.

The air is thick, and all of a sudden Even feels like something inside him klicks. He’s still looking at the man and starts nodding to himself. He just know that he has to see this man again, outside of the store.

“Where do you live?” Even blurts out, and the man rushes forward, puts his hands on the desk. He whispers.

“You can’t ask me that. The walls have ears. In all of Germany all walls have ears.”

Even shakes his head. “Sorry.” The whisper is barely audible. He grabs a pen from underneath the desk and gives it to the man. He looks at him and takes it. Opening the notebook, he writes, before he shuts it again.

“How much for the notebook?” he asks.

Even tells him, and the man pays, grabs the notebook, tears out the sheet and hands it to him. Then he walks to the door. In the doorway he turns and smiles “Thanks for the notebook, and bye!”

“Bye.” Even resists the urge to lift his hand and wave. Thinking what Sonja or Heinz would say if they came out here and saw him behave so frivolously and unprofessionally. Witnessed him doing something like that.

Even stands alone and looks at the sheet of paper in his hand. The writing is sloppy, but readable.

“Der König at 1830. A beer and maybe something to eat.”

Even smiles. Of course he didn’t give him his address. But a beer at Der König would actually be very nice.

***

Even waits outside Der König at 18.25. He checks his watch for the eight time. It’s cold, and it’s raining. He pulls his coat closer and hesitates a bit before he walks up to the entrance and opens the door.

The air inside is clouded with cigarette smoke.It smells kind of moist and musty. Probably because of all the rain outside, the dampness of peoples clothes and the wetness covering the floor. He spots a free table in the corner, and walks over to it. Takes his coat off, hanging it over the chair before walking up to the bar.

“One beer, please, and I might want something to eat. What do you have?”

“I’m sorry. We don’t serve food anymore, but I can get you a beer.”

“Oh, thanks.” Even pays and grabs the beer, walking back towards the table to sit down. He watches the people around him. It’s kind of crowded. Even doesn’t know if many BierStube’s are actually allowed to stay open anymore, but he hasn’t paid much attention to such matters either.

He takes a sip of the beer, and wrinkles his nose. It doesn’t taste like beer, mores like water, with a hint of something he can’t describe. It’s actually kind of horrible. He pushes the glass further onto the table as the door opens and the man he’s been waiting for enters. He glances around and immediately stops when his eyes meet Even’s.

Even can feel his gaze all the way to his stomach. It’s spinning around down there, and he never thinks he’s seen such a beautiful person in his life. He curses the government for condemning love between two men, claiming it to be ugly and forbidden. It’s nothing ugly, none of his thoughts about this man are. Even if he doesn’t know him.

The man comes over.

“Hi.”

“Hi. Take a seat.” Even points to the chair on the other side of the table. The man pulls it out, sits down.

“I guess we should introduce ourselves? I’m Isak.” The man puts his hand out and Even grabs it.

“Even.” Even says.

In the moment their hands meet, it feels like the world stops. Even’s looking directly into Isak’s eyes, electric vibes shooting through the palm of his hand and up his arm, leading straight to his heart. He can see in Isak’s eyes that the touch affects him as well. And he jerks his hand back .

“What?” Isak says, nothing but a what .

“I don’t know.” Even shakes his head. “You felt it too?”

“Yeah, it felt like some kind of electric shock just went right through my hand. And to my…"

“Yeah. Are you some kind of wizard or something?”

At the word wizard, Isak’s face turned white. “Wizard?” He whispers, his voice shaking.

“I was only kidding, Isak. It’s probably just nerves.” He searches Isak’s face with worry, as it slowly regains its natural color.

“I understand that, but as you said that word, something flashed before my eyes. Something with a fire and a dagger pointed at someone’s heart.”

“Fire, you say?” Even looks at him, and looks up at the roof. Suddenly afraid that the roof will tumble down over him. What a crazy idea, really.

“Yeah, but it’s probably nothing. I’ve been reading about the witch hunts lately, probably just that.”

He glances up at Even, and their eyes interlock. It’s not just that. Even can feel it. It’s something more. He can feel it. Isak and him, they have been together before. And the fire, and the beams falling down, there’s something about that. All of a sudden he is  afraid of being… killed.

“I know.” Isak suddenly says. “I can feel it too.”

“What?”

“About the fire and about the beams.”

“I didn’t say that out loud. I just thought it.”

“You did?” Isak’s eyes widens again. “You’re sure?” Even nods. “Wow.” Isak rubs his face with his hands. “You know, Even….. I think we should…. Well, just…. let's get out of here.”

“Okey.” Even doesn’t quite get him.

“You know. Walls and ears and all that stuff.”

“Yeah, right. Walls and ears.”

They walk out of the pub and down the dark street. No one is outside at this time, and they shouldn't be either. There’s a curfew, and it’s illegal to be out without a purpose. But Isak doesn’t seem to mind, so Even doesn’t bring it up. And they’ve got a purpose, right. Just not the one the government likes.  

“Let's go down to the river.” Isak mumbles. “There are some places there where we can sit together in the dark and talk. Without being worried about the ears .”

Even nods and follows Isak. They walk further in silence. There are soldiers on almost every corner, and they don’t want to talk to any of them, so they just pretend to be busy, walking quickly towards the river. Close to one of the bridges spanning, there’s a peaceful spot, almost entirely in the dark, and Isak walks over there, and sits down on some rocks. Even follows.

“Eh… Are you sure you didn’t say that stuff out loud at the pub?” Isak glances over at him and twists his hands.

“Yeah. Pretty sure. It wasn’t something I would burst out with. Wouldn’t want you to think I’m crazy or something.”

“But you were” Even hears the sound in his head.

“No, I haven’t been.” Even says confused and a bit irritated.

“Oh, shit. I didn’t mean it like that. I mean,” Isak hesitates. “Eh, I’m sure that we’ve been together before. In another time. It’s just kind of hard to believe. But I kind of know you. And once, you called yourself a lunatic.”

The word spin around in Even’s head, and something flashes before his eyes. Fire, a dagger, Isak in the middle of the fire, the dagger pointing towards his chest. And then there’s the beam again. And an arrow.”

“Isak? What’s happening?” Even can feel his heart beating rapidly. It feels like he's afraid, still he's safe, because he's with Isak. 

“I don’t know.” Isak looks at him. “I just know that I want to be with you. Even if it's probably the most dangerous thing we can do. From the moment I saw you, when I entered your store, I knew.”

“Me too.” Even sighs. “But I knew before. I saw you earlier. And I’ve been dreaming about you ever since. I was so happy when you came into the store, but I’m afraid too.”

Isak turns to him, grabbing his hand. Once again the grip sends shocking waves up his arm, all the way to his heart. And what feels like butterflies spin around in his stomach. “We can run away. Flee. To another country.”

“Which one?” Even asks.

“Oh I don’t know. Switzerland? They say they’re not a part of the war. Or maybe Sweden?”

“I don’t think neither Switzerland nor Sweden are as neutral as they claim to be, but why not?” Even huffs. He turns to Isak. He can see the spark lighting up his green eyes. He can see the smile forming in his face and he can feel Isak leaning into him. Their cheeks touch, and Even’s about to turn his head towards his mouth when he hears the sound.

Gun shot.

And the next second another one.

Isak’s body falls into his, and he feels the burning in his chest.

It all turns dark.

Chapter Text

Isak walks through the door and takes in the sight of his new classroom. It’s not a classroom, though, it’s a lecture hall, and he smiles. He’s been looking forward to this for a whole year. He has used the past year to shape his grades from Nissen, to be able to study Chemistry and Biochemistry. Master. Two years.  And now he’s here.

His body tingles with anticipation, because he’s actually starting to live his dream. This is his dream. It’s so interesting, and he can’t wait to do all the hard work, can’t wait for the reading and researching.

There are several other students already seated in the lecture hall, and he finds a free seat in the middle. Looking at the other students, he can see that most of them are the same age as himself, and he’s kind of relieved about that.

When he walks out of there six hours later, his smile hasn’t faded one bit. He’s eager, and he just knows this is it. He’s landed on the right shelf, and he knows he’s going to be a good biochemist someday.

His phone beeps just as he sits down on the tram. He pulls it out of his pocket. It’s a message from Jonas.

“Hey man! How’s the first day been? Up for a Coffee? I’m at KB in Skovveien.”

Isak grins. His best friend and former crush. That’s way back in history now, in their first year at Nissen, and he’s long since over Jonas. He’s out, free, happy and single, and wouldn’t want for more.

“Sure. I’m on the tram. I can be there in 15.”

“See-yah!”

Jonas’ reply makes him smile. His friend is so happy nowadays. Everything with Eva seems to be turning out ok. They moved in together this summer, and they both seem happier than ever.

Isak closes his eyes and leans back. Thinking about his life. It’s not that bad, all things considering. He’s got a flat, finally living on his own. His mother is coping well after being ill for many years, and his father seems to have turned into a decent father, no longer the asshole he used to be. He’s even has an ok relationship with his sister, probably because she’s studying in Berlin and they don’t see each other that much. They can talk like adults.

Adult. He didn’t think he’d ever call himself that, but it seems that’s what he has become  A responsible adult. Oh well, at least an adult.

He has his friends. Jonas, Eva, Magnus, Sana, Mahdi and of course Eskild. He wouldn’t have come so far if Eskild hadn’t been around when he started his second year at Nissen. The conversations they had while living together was both his foundest and scariest memories.  Eskild had been mad at him because what he’d said about gays and Pride. Because as a 17 year old, he was kind of terrified of being compared to the stereotype gays, wearing tights and mascara. He’d told Eskild he was NOT like that, despite being gay. And Eskild had given him a lecture. He talked about people fighting their cause, fighting for  the right to be homosexual and love whomever you fall for. How some people would rather be imprisoned or die than live as something they were not. Isak had finally come to terms with his own sexuality because of Eskilds words and support. The stories Eskild told him had made him reconsider his own attitude, changed him. He’d even attended Pride Oslo twice already, and of course he was going there this year too. Isak’s not to fond of thinking back on all that, but he’s ok now. He's ok. The world has changed only the last decades, all for the better.

Isak walks off the tram and over to KB. Opens the door and sees Jonas sitting by the window.

“Hey man!”

“Hey bro!” Jonas smiles. “Good day?”

“Yeah. The best. I know it’s the right thing. It’s so interesting. I can’t wait to start studying and learn, performing all the exciting stuff”

“Sounds good, Is.” Jonas smiles as Isak gets up to go over and buy himself a coffee. Behind  the desk, there’s a man. He somehow knows he’s seen him before, it shouldn’t surprise him, Oslo isn’t that big,  but it does. It’s a strange feeling. When he looks at him, the man stares. His eyes turns wide, and his mouth falls open. He obviously needs some time to pull himself together before he speaks.

“H..hi, what can I get you?”

The sign on his shirt says “EVEN” and Isak can’t stop staring at the name.

“Eh… a….a coffee, please.”

The man laughs. A short, but beautiful laugh, and my God, Isak thinks. That smile, that laugh, it must be some kind of godsend, because it’s beautiful. “There’s no such thing as a coffee here…..”

“Isak.” Isak blurts out.

“Isak.” the man states, and he lifts his eyebrows. “We have Americano, Cortado, Espresso, Café au lait…”

Isak starts to smile. “Just an ordinary black coffee, please. A big one.”

Even smiles, “Of course. I’ll bring it to you. It’ll be 40 kroners, please.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Isak hands him the money, and his fingers grace Even’s hand. It's just the tip of his index finger and middle finger that barely touch Even’s palm, but it feels like it’s combusting. He pulls his hand back and looks into Even’s eyes. Apparently, he felt it too, because he seems surprised.

“You… you’re ...welcome…, Isak.” Even is staring at him, and Isak can’t help but stare back. He’s never experienced this before. It feels as though his fingertips have touched something hot, like they're burning. Even so, it doesn’t hurt, that’s the difference. It’s spreading up his hand, his wrist, underarm, elbow… He walks hastily over to Jonas and sits down.

“You took your time. Did you order the whole menu?”

“Eh, no!” Isak looks at him, doesn’t want him to know. “There was a line.”

“No, there was no line Isak, there was a handsome barista, though.”

Isak just gives Jonas a look and mumbles “Shut up!” Still, he can’t stop thinking about the feelings in his fingertips. He can’t stop thinking about that smile and those eyes, so he turns around and catches Even staring at him. It’s both awkward and nice at the same time, so Isak smiles back and turns to Jonas again.

“So, how was your first day? Peace and Conflicts? Did you peace out?” Isak grins and makes a peace sign with his fingers.

Jonas laughs. “I think it’s going to be awesome. I actually get to travel a lot too. Costs a bit of money, but I’ve applied for a scholarship. I guess with the traveling I did last year, with the refugee aid, I would have a fair chance to get it.”

“Cool.” Isak says. “You deserve it. Your stories from last year were amazing!”

“Yeah, they were. I learned a lot, both about myself and the conditions people live under during those trips. It was painful but also enlightening.”

Even comes up to them and puts Isak’s coffee in front of him. Isak glances up at him and he can’t help but smile.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Isak.” Even says.

Isak can see there’s something written on his cup. Not only his name, but something else. He lifts the cup and reads. “I’ve seen you before.” Isak startles, and he knows he’s seen Even before too, but he doesn’t know where or when.

***

Isak wakes up soaking wet and out of breath.

That dream.

He gets out of bed and into the bathroom. Splashes cold water in his face, leans on the sink to have a look at himself in the mirror. His eyes are red, he’s been crying in his sleep, and the feeling roaming through his body is terrible. The dream was about the barista. About Even. The memories of those dreams flash before his eyes. An arrow and a mountain lion. A beam and a fire. A fire and a dagger. And the last one, soldiers and guns. He died, Even died. Four times.

He doesn’t understand it, can’t get a grip on what’s happening. He only knows he has to see Even again, even though he gets the feeling it can be dangerous.

Isak looks at his watch, its 0606, and it’s no use going back to bed. His alarm is set to 0630, so he might as well just get in the shower. The water running over his body feels good, and he can’t help but think about that feeling in his fingertips yesterday, when he touched Even. There was a burning, but a good one. An ache that spread in his entire body. He wants it to happen again.

After his lectures of the day, he heads for KB, hoping that Even will be there. He glances at the time when he walks in. It’s 1515, and the coffee shop is kind of crowded by kids, probably coming straight from school. Isak remembers that he used to come there almost every day after school when he was at Nissen, so he isn’t surprised.

He catches him at once, behind the desk. Tall, beaming, smiling and beautiful. He looks towards the door the second Isak steps inside, and he smiles even wider. Isak smiles back. He walks into the line, and thinks about what he’s going to order.

When it’s his turn, and Even looks at him, he feels butterflies in his stomach, and he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to speak at all.

“Black coffee?” Even asks, smiles.

“Yes, please.” Isak stutters, “Big one.”

“Of course, Isak. I’ll bring it over. Take a seat.”

Isak hands him the money, but this time he lets his fingers rest just a little longer against Evens palm. Just like that, the burning in his fingertips is back. He smiles at Even and looks him in the eyes. Those blue eyes that widen, deep as an ocean. Isak’s barely able to step back to let the next customer order, but he manages with an effort. Finds a free spot by the window and gets seated.

A couple of minutes later  Even comes up to him with his coffee. He places a napkin under his cup and smiles at him.

“Thanks.” Isak nods, not able not to smile. Even remains still for a second, just looks at him, just smiles, before a girl behind the desk calls to him, and he turns around.

“I have to go, work you know.” He points at the desk.

“Of course.” Isak nods, and thinks to himself, I can still watch you from here.

A voice echoes in his head. I can still watch you from here.

Isak shakes his head, probably just his imagination.

Right?

He grabs his cup, looks at the writing, ISAK, I know I should know you. Yes, he thinks, you should, and I should know you as well. He looks up and Evens eyes meet his and Even nods. Isak can feel the flush spreading from his throat and over his face. That leads Even to smile even more, and Isak has to look down.

He spots some words on the napkin. Uneven letters, scribbled down, but he still can read them. “I’m off at 1700, wanna hang?” Isak reads the words several times. If he wants to hang? Of course he wants to.

He looks up, and sees Even is staring at him again, so he just points at the napkin and nods. Now it’s Evens turn to flush, perfectly pink in the face, he’s gorgeous. Isak can truly say that he’s never felt this way before. Not ever, and because of a man he’s seen once before. A man he doesn't know. Still, it feels like he’s seen him a million times, and he never gets tired of watching him.

So he does. He sits at his table and watches Even for one and a half hour until Even has finished his shift. When he comes over, Isak has no idea what to say. Even has two coffees to go in his hands and nods to the door.

“Walk?”

Isak nods and gets up, follows Even out the door. They walk in silence until Isak spots a bench. They’re in Urraparken, and Isak has no idea how they got here. “Should we sit down?”

Even nods.

“So? I had a dream last night.” Even starts, his voice is low and hesitant.

Isak turns his head to him and can feel his heart beating, thinking about his own dream. “Okey.”

“Yeah. About you. And me.” Even looks at him, and Isak stares back, before he shifts his head and stares out into the distance.

“I had a dream too.” Isak has no idea from where his courage is coming, but he seems to be spilling it all to a stranger. Yet, Even doesn’t feel like a stranger. He’s never felt more comfortable or safe than he is right now, with Even beside him.

“What… what… what was your dream?” Even keeps looking at him, and Isak feels like he’s watching the eternity. The past, the present and the future.

Isak looks away. Can’t look into his eyes when he tells him. “We died.”

The silence between them is deafening. Even suddenly grabs his hand and bursts out “Yeah. We did.”

When Evens hand envelopes his own, something odd happens. It’s like two halves are floating towards each other, not together, not entirely, but the parts want to come together, like two magnets searching for their lost partner. Even so there seems to be some resistance left, though. Something holding the pieces back.

“How can that be?” Isak turns his head slowly and meets Even's eyes again.  They still look like they can fit the whole universe, or they’re like a blue pond he wants to dive into, and they’re just the most beautiful eyes Isak’s ever seen.

“I don’t know.”

“I wonder if we died the same way? In our dreams I mean.” Isak doesn’t know if he wants Even to tell him, yet he does. His pulse is raising and he feels like crying. He doesn’t understand why.

“Do you want to tell me about your dream?” Even asks, holding his hand even tighter, before he shifts and intertwines their fingers.

“You… can you tell me about yours, first?” Isak stutters a bit. His pulse so high now, he doesn’t know if he’s about to faint.

“Okey.” Even takes a deep breath. “The first time, I was killed by an arrow, and you were killed by a mountain lion.” Isak can see his eyes tear up. He takes another deep breath. “The second time, there was a fire, a burning beam. It hit us over the head, the both of us.” A single tear breaks free of his eye, and runs down his cheek. “The third time…”

“.....I was burned on the pyre and you killed yourself with a dagger.” Isak continues. “And the fourth time, we were killed by soldiers just as we were about to kiss.”

Even stares at him, and Isak stares back.

“And the fifth?” Even asks, his voice barely audible.

“I don’t know.” Isak whispers. “But I’m guess we’re about to find out?”

He leans in, moves his hand slowly up to Evens cheek. Runs his thumb over the trace left by the tear and smiles.

“Yeah.” Even sighs, still looking at him, still holding his hand. The grip is tight, but comforting.

“Are you afraid?” Isak asks, it’s just a whisper. And he’s surprised that Even is able to hear him.

“No.” Even lets go of Isak’s hand and runs his fingers through his hair. “I think in this time, in this universe, this will be our time.”

“Me too.” Isak whispers and leans in.

In the exact moment their lips meet, it all fits. Everything just falls into place.

They are filled with something brighter and warmer than they’ve ever imagined possible. Isak feels like he’s floating through the universe, through the time itself, through eternity.

It’s all good. It’s comforting, it’s safe and it’s home.

It’s love.

And this time, the light keeps shining.