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Language:
English
Series:
Part 9 of Slowly adopting Keith
Stats:
Published:
2019-02-20
Completed:
2019-02-24
Words:
1,418
Chapters:
3/3
Comments:
31
Kudos:
261
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5,674

I'm Fine

Summary:

Keith hasn't visited the Adam and Shiro household for a while, when he suddenly shows up. Adam and Shiro just wants answers, Keith doesn't want to give answers

Notes:

*TRIGGER WARNING*
Suicidal thoughts, self harm

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Space dad #1[15:00 Wed]: hey kiddo, I haven't seen you in a bit. You okay??

Keith[15:30]: i'm fine

Space dad #1[15:31]: that's good

Space dad #1 [12:00 Thur]: hi kiddo are you coming over tonight??

Keith[15:30]: no

Space dad #1 [15:30]: okay you can just come over anytime if you need to

Keith [15:45]: okay

Space dad #2 [17:00 Fri]: i'm making spag bol if you want any??

Keith [20:28]: i've already ate

Keith [20:28]: thanks tho

Space dad #2 [21:00]: no problem, come over whenever you want. Even in the middle of the night

-----------

Adam and Shiro were worried, Keith hadn't come over in a week. They had been texting him but had only gotten short answers. Just before Shiro was going to pick up his phone there was a knock at the door.

Adam went to open it and, lo and behold there was Keith. "Keith?Are you okay? We haven't seen you in ages!" Keith didn't look impressed, there were smudges of black and blue tiredness under his eyes, and he was wearing a hoodie even though it was summer and quite hot outside.

"Keith is that you?" Shiro shouted from the kitchen. Adam stepped aside to let Keith in, and with that Keith forced a smile on his face and stepped inside. "Yeah, sorry I haven't came round for a while, i've been busy" "It's fine just come in and we can catch up"

-------------

Keith had been lying, the reason he hadn't came round was because he felt like shit. His mind kept telling him that everyone hated him and that if he went round he'd be bothering Adam and Shiro.

It had died down now, the only problem was that his mind kept telling him that nothing mattered because he was going to kill himself on Tuesday. He didn't want to, it was just telling him that.

When Adam and Shiro went to sleep Keith crept out of the room he was sleeping in to the bathroom. He took out his razor blade, lifted his shirt and cut his stomache.

Shiro heard Keith go into the bathroom and was worried, what if the reason Keith hadn't been coming was because he was sick. He should check...

Keith heard a knock, his heart lept into his throat. "Keith? buddy? Are you okay?" "Yeah Shiro, i'm fine" Keith's voice was shaky, not helping his case. "Are you sure, can I come in?" "No!" Keith shouted, again not helping his case, "I'm coming in" As Shiro opened the door Keith cursed hinself for leaving it unlocked.

The sight that met Shiro was horrifying, blood was slowly seeping out of many wounds on Keiths sides, an equal amount on each side. Keith was a deer in headlights. Shiro was no better, but soon he sprung into action. He dabbed at wounds with scrunched up toilet paper. Soon Adam joined him, "Keith! Why would you do this?!" "Keith? Are you okay?" "Keith?" "Keith!"

"I'm fine"

Chapter 2

Summary:

Adam, Shiro ,and Keith have a talk

Notes:

I'm doing this at 2am on a wednesday evening (Thursday morning?), i'm sorry if this isn't the best. I keep having panic attacks before I can fall asleep because of reasons, please bear with me.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Shiro and Adam sit on the sofa stiffly. Keith is on the armchair to the side of them. It is quiet, not even the adults knew what to say,
"Keith? What were you doing?"
Keith says nothing, just stares into space.

"Keith? You need to answer us kiddo"
Shiro's voice is soft and concerned,
"Yous aren't blind, what do you think I was doing"
Keith voice held no emotion, and he continued to stare at the wall.

"Keith, what you were doing was serious"
Adam sounded like he was going to cry, voice cracking and breaking throughout the sentence, but he was just holding on,
"Were you trying to kill yourself"
Keith hesitated but knew his answer,
"No, there are better ways to kill yourself than cutting your fucking stomache of all places"

A silence settled over the trio once more, Adam cried silently.
"It wasn't even that deep"
Keith muttered.Even though he had known this kid less than a year, he still cared about him. To think that he was hurting himself, or thinking about ending his life. It pained him.

Shiro wasn't crying yet, he felt as sad as Adam, maybe even more, but he didn't want to cry just yet. He needed to talk to Keith first. So he swallowed back tears and spoke.

"Do you think about killing yourself then?"
Keith looked at the ground near his feet and shrugged.
Shiro took a breath,
"Okay, well if you do, you need to call one of us"
Keith just nodded, not planing on doing it at all,
"Keith, promise you'll call us"
"Keith, this is serious you need to promise to call one of us, or someone who can help"
"Keith?"
"Sure"
He wasn't promising in a million lifetimes,

"Now,"
Shiro exhaled stedily, putting his head in his hands,
"Why did you say you were fine in the bathroom?"
Keith just shrugged again, pauses between sentences was common now,
"Well, what made you cut?"
Another shrug, and silence
"Have you done it before?"
More shrugging, more silence.

This went on for quite a while until Shiro was crying through his words,
"Keith please talk to us, we just want to help"
Only the sound of crying was heard for many moments,
"Can I go to bed now?"
There was another silence,
"Sure kiddo"

Keith got up and walked to the room he was sleeping in. He didn't look back at the two teary eyed men holding eachother.

----------

That night Keith thought about telling Adam and Shiro about him maybe having depression. But he didn't want to worry them if he didn't, afterall he didn't have a profesional opinion on the matter. He also decided to save them the pain of having to listen to his problems.

Adam and Shiro spent the night googling 'I think my friend is suicidal' and 'my friend is self-harming' looking at hundreds of websites trying to find ways of helping Keith.

That night no one slept, too busy thinking and reading. All of them were sad and ended up crying that night. Some cried more than others, some cried only once then felt numb. But were unable to make it go away, in fear of being caught again.

If one thing good came out of this, is that Keith would be more careful about cutting at the Adashi house from now on, but was that a good thing at all...

Notes:

Writing this has brought the thought of suicide to the forefrount of my mind, not that it wasn't already there lol, but has made me more tired

Also why is eye-contact a thing. I'm constently told to look at people in the eyes even though it burns, is there a point to it? Why do people look at eyes? They know ii'm listening because i'm answering. Is there another reason??

I am confusion

Chapter 3

Summary:

Keith isn't doing okay

Notes:

I wanted to give a somewhat good ending, so here you go! I don't know how this will work out, but I'm giving Keith some of my coping mechanisms

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

"you should kill yourself"

"Really? This again? I can't Adam and Shiro would be sad. Also I can't do it today, I'm signing up for the garrison tomorrow."

"Adam and Shiro are just acting, they don't care if you die, and you really think the garrison will accept you? After what you've done?"

"Adam and Shiro love me, they do care if I die."

"Do they"

Keith couldn't sleep, this had been going on for a while now. Maybe he should text Shiro, he did say to text him if he felt like offing  himself.

Keith(22:54): hey can I ask you a question

Space dad #1(22:56): it's late what are you doing up

Space dad#1(22:57): but sure kiddo

Keith(22:57): do you think I'll get into the garrison

Space dad#1(22:58): of course I do, why do you ask. Is that why you're up so late

Keith(22:59): yeah

Space dad#1(23:00): you shouldn't worry Keith, you're talented and they will excuse some bad behaviour if they think you're talented enough.

Space dad#1(23:00): don't stress kiddo

Keith(23:01): okay

Keith(23:01): thank you Shiro 

Space dad#1(23:01): no problem kiddo

Space dad#1(23:02): now sleep child ~Adam

Keith breathed forcefully out of his nose in place of a laugh. 

"Acting"

"Shut up"

Keith(23:02): Shiro? You like me right?

Space dad#1(23:03): yeah of course kiddo

Space dad#1(23:03): why?

Keith(23:04): you'd tell me if you stopped right

Space dad#1(23:04): of course

Space dad#1(23:04): Keith? You okay?

Keith(23:05): I'm fine

Keith(23:05): really

Space dad#1(23:06) okay, I have to go Adam is moning about beauty sleep or something, night kiddo

Keith(23:06): night shiro 

"you should hurt yourself, like cut" 

"Can't be bothered"

"But you should"

" I know, but I can't be bothered, I'll do it later"

Notes:

Sorry it's short

Notes:

Idk if I can call this depression. I've just based this on me and I have some symptoms of depression but haven't been diagnosed with it. Sorry if this isn't acurate.

Also question for anyone reading can you have suicidal thoughts without being depressed?

Any suggestions on what I should do next?

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