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Cyrus glanced at the clock. 12:42 pm. He was sprawled out on his boyfriend’s bed, his copy of Great Expectations open next to him. It was Friday afternoon and the promise of the weekend stretched ahead. Classes had gotten out early due to teacher training and TJ and Cyrus had headed back to TJ’s house. They had agreed to finish up their homework now so they could enjoy the rest of the weekend with no obligations hanging over them. It had actually been TJ’s idea, which Cyrus loved. While math took extra effort for him, the basketball player was actually a very intelligent, conscientious student - he might have been perceived as a dumb jock but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.
They had officially been together only a short time - not even a full month, but the relationship had surpassed Cyrus’ expectations in every way so far. There had always been a connection between the two, from that very first day on the swings. What had changed, Cyrus decided, once they had entered into a relationship, was that both boys felt fully known and understood by the other. The brunette had felt that way at a platonic level for as long as he could remember with Buffy and Andi, and of course he knew how lucky he was to have them. But with TJ it felt different, more intense. To know someone else truly understood what it was like to question their sexuality, to worry that the world might reject you simply based on who you might love, brought him comfort. Their conversations were more meaningful and the level of honesty between them was unlike anything Cyrus had ever experienced. He had never felt so understood - it was a nice, albeit unfamiliar feeling.
A muttered curse word from across the room interrupted his daydreaming.
“Shit.”
TJ put his head in his hands, rubbing his temples.
“You stuck?” Cyrus asked quietly. The blonde boy had been working steadily on math homework for the last hour. His parents had started paying for a tutor who specialized in working with students with dyscalculia, and had been making consistent progress. Sometimes though, as was to be expected, he still struggled and would need some help to get back on track.
TJ laughed dryly. “For once no, actually.” He winced. “I’m getting the start of a migraine though.”
“You get migraines?” Cyrus inquired. “How did I not know this?”
TJ chuckled lightly. “I’m sure there’s still lots we don’t know about each other Underdog. But don’t worry - I like a challenge. I’ll learn everything eventually...you’re my favorite subject.” He attempted to smirk but it was obvious he was in pain.
Cyrus was hit full on with the desire to take care of TJ. Maybe it was because he so rarely saw him in moments of vulnerability or weakness, but the need to help the other boy feel better was almost overwhelming.
“What can I do?” He looked at TJ expectantly.
TJ was now resting his head against the back of his desk chair, his eyes closed. He rubbed his face with his hands and looked at Cyrus. “Unfortunately not much. The only way to stop it is to take meds, a hot shower and to sleep it off. It’s annoying though - I wanted to spend the day with you. But I have to do something - I’d really prefer to not let it get to the point where I’m throwing up - that’s the worst.”
Cyrus was already starting to pack up his things, looking at TJ sympathetically. “That sounds awful. I’ll leave then so you can sleep...I just want you to feel better.”
TJ replied, his eyes closed again. “Or-um-you could, you know, stay. With me. While I sleep?” He opened his eyes and shyly looked at Cyrus. “No one will be home for at least 4 hours. But only if you want to.”
Cyrus thought his heart might beat out of his chest. The expression on TJ’s face took his breath away. He was stunning - like take Cyrus’ breath away gorgeous - the fact that HE was dating the basketball captain still felt like a dream. He returned the boy’s gaze. “Sure. Yes. Of course. Whatever you want.”
A small smile graced TJ’s lips. “Cool. I’m gonna hop in the shower - I’ll just be a few minutes.” He stood up, headed to his dresser and grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt and headed down the hallway towards the bathroom.
In the meantime Cyrus tried to go back to his English homework. It took everything he had to not think of his boyfriend down the hall. TJ was unfairly attractive, and Cyrus couldn’t deny that he was just as attracted to him physically as he was to his huge heart, daring personality and quiet sensitivity. Yep, definitely time to derail his thoughts.
He stood up and began tidying up TJ’s room, putting his books back in his bag, straightening stacks of papers on the desk and throwing discarded hoodies into the hamper under the window. Just as he was finishing up he heard The boy’s footsteps down the hallway. The door opened and TJ entered the room, clad in basketball shorts and a white t-shirt, blonde hair still damp and slightly messy, smelling faintly of soap. Cyrus’ breath caught in his throat. His boyfriend was beautiful in every sense of the word.
“Hey,” he managed to say.
“Hey yourself,” TJ replied quietly, squinting and fumbling with his left hand for the light switch on the wall. “Sorry, the light makes my head hurt so much worse. Can you close my curtains please?”
“Of course,” answered Cyrus immediately. He walked across the room and drew both sets of navy blue curtains shut.
In the meantime TJ headed towards the bed. He sat down, opened his nightstand drawer and took out a small container of pills. He grabbed the water bottle that was next to his alarm clock and took a drink, swallowing two of the pills as he did so. He looked at Cyrus across the now darkened room “I’m sorry Cy, I’m sure this isn’t how you wanted to spend your Friday afternoon.”
Cyrus smiled. “Teej...I just want to be with you. I don’t care what we’re doing. I just wish I could help you feel better.”
TJ smiled from his place on the bed, eyes still closed. “You can. Come lay with me?” He patted the empty spot next to him on the queen size bed.
Cyrus obliged, his heartbeat accelerating. He lay down, resting his head on the athlete’s chest. The closeness allowed him to inhale the comforting smell that was so uniquely TJ. The clean scent of soap, with hints of mint and a faint trace of lavender detergent. He could feel TJ’s chest rise and fall in a calming rhythm.
It had been quiet for a couple of moments when TJ spoke softly. “It usually only takes a couple of hours of sleep before I can function again. We can watch a movie or something when I wake up, okay?”
Cyrus responded by running his fingers through TJ’s still damp hair. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be right here.”
Within minutes TJ’s breathing had slowed and Cyrus knew for a fact he was actually asleep - the grimace of pain that had been so evident when he was awake had smoothed, and his face appeared serene.
He took a few minutes to watch his boyfriend as he slept, memorizing how his long lashes rested against his cheeks. He counted the smattering of freckles across the bridge of his nose (there were 13) and for the hundredth time admired the sharpness of his jawline. Cyrus realized he was so far gone for TJ, he couldn’t have come back from it if he’d wanted too. Which he didn’t. He closed his eyes, gently placed his arm around TJ’s waist and fell into a dreamless sleep.
****************************************
When Cyrus awoke some two hours later, it took a moment for him to remember where he was. He opened his eyes slowly, only to be met by TJ’s green-eyed gaze.
“Hi you,” the older boy said quietly. “Sleep well?”
The brunette rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Who cares about me? What about you? Are you okay?” His voice was groggy, causing TJ to smile.
“The worst is over. I still have a headache but it’s bearable. This is pretty much just how it goes -it's pretty predictable. I just prefer to sleep through the part where I’m insanely nauseous.” He shrugged. “That’s the most uncomfortable part. I’ve gotten one or two a month since I was like 11. I’m used to it. It’s genetic apparently, my mom gets them too.”
Cyrus thought for a moment, drowsily. “Well now I know. Seeing you in pain is definitely not on the list of things I enjoy. I’m not used to seeing you like that. You’re so strong all the time, it’s like you're bulletproof.”
“Cyrus, you’ve literally seen me bawl like a baby. There is no one else on this planet that’s seen that side of me. You know I’m not strong all the time.”
Cyrus thought for a minute, back to the day TJ came out to him, finally crumbling under the weight of keeping his secret from the only person he had ever really trusted besides his parents, who already knew and supported him. It was then that Cyrus came out to TJ as well and they had both confessed their feelings for the other. While it felt good to have the weight of the secrecy removed, it was also a very raw moment. Months of pent up emotion came pouring out of TJ. He had cried in Cyrus’ arms until there were no more tears, leaving him hiccuping and exhausted. It was then that Cyrus realized how lucky he’d been to have Buffy, Andi and eventually Jonah to lean on.
He responded to TJ’s remark. “Emotionally I know you have your moments. It’s part of why I fell for you - your surprising sensitive streak.”
TJ fondly rolled his eyes. Cyrus continued.
“But physically, I’ve never seen even a glimmer of anything other than strength. I mean, logically I know you’re human and you get sick and hurt and stuff, but seeing it even a little made me feel...I don’t know - so conflicted. Like the urge to make it better was overwhelming because of course I never want you to be in pain...but at the same time the thought of you being even remotely vulnerable made me - I don’t know, it’s dumb. I just - ugh - being the person that gets to see you like this, without the perfect hair and flawless jump shot - it just makes me want you all the more.” He blushed as he looked at the other boy. “Soft TJ is undeniably attractive. “It’s not fair,” he finished shyly.
TJ blushed but tried to cover it with a smirk. “Oh yeah? So that’s all I have to do to turn you into a puddle huh? Get a cold or break my arm?”
“Oh hush you” Cyrus said, swatting TJ’s chest.
TJ’s expression softened. “Cy...there’s a reason I let you see these sides of me. I trust you. I know you won’t think less of me, I don’t have an appearance to keep up with you. I mean, I know it’s stupid to feel like I have to keep up an appearance at all, for anyone, but I do.”
“We all have public and private selves Teej, I get it. I’m just glad you share the private side with me.” Cyrus voice was soft, barely above a whisper.
“God Underdog, as long as you look at me like that you can take care of me whenever you want...it’s probably worth whatever pain I’m going through.” TJ’s voice was breathy, almost a whisper.
Cyrus’ heart sped up dramatically, thrumming against his rib cage. TJ’s gaze was steady, penetrating. Moments passed (or hours? Cyrus lost all track of time), and the blonde spoke again.
“Can I kiss you?”
Cyrus nodded wordlessly. He felt like the floor had dropped out from beneath him. They had shared many kisses in the last few weeks, though they had been mostly chaste and sweet. This was the first time that they had been alone for an extended period of time since making it official, and the look on TJ’s face told Cyrus this was different somehow.
TJ leaned forward boldly, pulling Cyrus to him until their chests were touching. He placed his hand at the back of the dark-haired boy’s neck, and connected their lips slowly. His lips were soft against Cyrus’ mouth, moving in perfect rhythm. The feeling was perfection, and Cyrus never wanted it to end - and then suddenly he gasped as he felt TJ’s tongue softly swipe along his bottom lip, wordlessly asking for entrance.
TJ pulled away ever so slightly as he heard Cyrus’ sharp intake of breath. “Is this okay? I can stop, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Fuck yes it’s okay. Please don’t stop.”
TJ’s eyes went wide. “You never swear!”
“Not true. I just choose my moments carefully. Do you want to debate this now or would you like to continue?” Cyrus eyed TJ intently, not sure where the sudden streak of confidence was coming from, but deciding to go with it.
And then TJ’s lips were forcefully on Cyrus’ yet again, his tongue dragging across the younger boy’s bottom lip. This time Cyrus granted him entrance, and instantly his entire world was spinning off its axis. He felt like he was melting into TJ, and every nerve in his body was hyper aware. His senses were in overdrive. He felt and heard everything all at once, TJ’s warm hand at the nape of his neck, his ragged breathing coming quickly, warm against Cyrus’ face. Everywhere their bodies touched was buzzing with electricity.
TJ pulled away breathlessly and shifted his body, moving from his side to his back, pulling Cyrus with him. The shorter boy was now laying partly on the bed and partially on top of TJ., both of them out of breath and flushed. They locked eyes, the silence thick with words not spoken.
TJ’s bold actions had empowered Cyrus, he felt so protected and adored. It helped him stave off any doubts or fears and allowed him to summon his own courage. He broke TJ’s gaze, shifted his body upwards and began to place soft kisses along the basketball player’s collar bone, working up to his neck just underneath his ear.
The low, gritty hum that came from the back of TJ’s throat was nearly Cyrus’ undoing. The blonde suddenly spoke, his voice quiet and gravelly.
“H-holy SHIT Cyrus,” he rasped, his green eyes dark. Cyrus looked up at him through dark lashes, his cheeks on fire, heart hammering inside his chest.
“I could say the same to you,” Cyrus whispered. “Where did you learn to kiss like that? Have you been holding out on me? Was I not really your first kiss? Because that wasn’t rookie shit TJ Kippen.”
TJ began carding his fingers through Cyrus’ already tousled locks. He huffed a laugh that was so soft it was barely there. “Instinct Underdog. Everything I do with you is instinct. I’m new to all of this too...but it’s not scary because it’s you. To be completely corny and cliche, I just listen to my heart.”
Instead of responding, Cyrus simply leaned forward, searching for the spot on TJ’s neck that had caused him to make that intoxicating sound. He had just about reached it when TJ flipped them both over again.
“Turnabout is fair play Cy,” he murmured, eyes twinkling. This time it was Cyrus who couldn’t help but elicit a series of soft groans when he felt TJ’s soft lips connect with his neck, leaving a trail of fire wherever they touched.
“Fuck.”
TJ looked up at Cyrus with a mock look of shock. “Twice in one day huh? You rebel you. I must be rubbing off on you.”
Cyrus responded, his eyes still closed. “I told you I choose my moments. These definitely qualify.”
TJ responded softly. “Yeah. Yeah they do.” He leaned forward again and placed a soft kiss to Cyrus’ forehead and then captured his lips once again, this time scraping his teeth gently along Cyrus’ bottom lip and tugging ever so slightly.
Cyrus’ breathing again became erratic and ragged. “When - when - do y-your parents get home?” he panted.
TJ picked up Cyrus’ hand and kissed the knuckles softly. “Not for at least an hour. My bedroom door is open and our front door is noisy as shit. I’ll hear my mom I promise.”
Cyrus looked at him, challenge blazing in his eyes, his cheeks bright red. “Care to try and make me curse again?”
“Fuck yes.”