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TJ stared at the numbers in front of him, willing himself to focus as the numbers started to swim on the page. He’d had a productive last hour or so, and he just needed to power through a few more equations and his homework would be done ahead of the weekend. He took a moment to quietly glance at his boyfriend, lying on TJ’s bed. He was leaning up against the headboard, worrying his lip between his teeth as he read.
TJ’s heart skipped a beat looking at him. Things were still so new. He and Cyrus had been together just shy of a month and it had probably been the best month of his life. He trusted Cyrus more than anyone else. Getting a bonus long afternoon with him thanks to an early dismissal was the perfect start to the weekend.
In some ways the basketball player wished that he and Cyrus hadn’t wasted so much time skirting around their feelings for one another. At some level, TJ mused, they both had known about the mutual attraction for far longer than either of them had been willing to admit. Had they confessed earlier they could have gotten to this point sooner.
As it stood though, TJ figured that things had happened exactly as they should have. For the first time in his life he could say he trusted someone with every part of him. Although at first he didn’t think it was possible, he and Cyrus had an even deeper relationship since deciding to take the plunge as a couple.
TJ turned back to his math homework, noticing that the numbers were now blurring in front of him. The realization of what was happening settled in as he felt a familiar sharp pain in his temple and a dull nausea in the pit of his stomach.
Migraine. Damnit. This was not how he he planned on spending his afternoon.
“Shit.”
TJ put his head in his hands, rubbing his temples.
“You stuck?” Cyrus asked quietly. He looked at TJ with kind eyes, ready to jump up and help him muscle his way through the math problem however he could. Not only was Cyrus strong in math, he was also a good teacher. He had helped TJ on numerous occasions.
TJ laughed dryly. “For once no, actually.” He winced. “I’m getting the start of a migraine though.”
“You get migraines?” Cyrus inquired. “How did I not know this?”
“I’m sure there’s still lots we don’t know about each other Underdog. But don’t worry - I like a challenge. I’ll learn everything eventually...you’re my favorite subject.” He attempted to smirk at Cyrus, but the pain in his head was rapidly increasing, now fully present behind both eyes.
“What can I do?” Cyrus looked at TJ expectantly.
He was now resting his head against the back of his desk chair, eyes closed. He rubbed his face with his hands and looked at Cyrus. He needed to sleep - and soon, judging by how quickly the pain was increasing. “Unfortunately not much. The only way to stop it is to take meds, a hot shower and to sleep it off. It’s annoying though - I wanted to spend the day with you. But I have to do something - I’d really prefer to not let it get to the point where I’m throwing up - that’s the worst.” He swallowed the acrid taste in his mouth as he spoke. As comfortable as he was around Cyrus, he did not feel like puking in front of him.
Cyrus was already starting to pack up his things, looking at TJ sympathetically. “That sounds awful. I’ll leave then so you can sleep...I just want you to feel better.”
TJ didn’t want Cyrus to go. Just his presence made him feel better. “Or-um-you could, you know, stay. With me. While I sleep?” He opened his eyes and shyly looked at Cyrus. He just wanted to sleep the pain away, cuddled up with his boyfriend. “No one will be home for at least 4 hours. But only if you want to.”
A dusty pink blush colored Cyrus’ cheeks. He looked down at his feet, a habit TJ was now quite familiar with. It usually meant Cyrus was trying to reign in his emotions. Finally he returned TJ’s gaze. “Sure. Yes. Of course. Whatever you want.”
Despite his discomfort, the athlete’s heart fluttered. The fact that HE was the one causing the brunette to get so flustered caused a flurry of emotions to well up within him. “Cool. I’m gonna hop in the shower - I’ll just be a few minutes.” He stood up, headed to his dresser and grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt and headed down the hallway.
When he reached the bathroom he stepped inside and flipped on the light. The pain behind his eyes raged. He instantly shut it off again, wincing. Apparently he’d be showering in the dark. He turned on the water, stripped off his clothes and stepped in, hoping the heat would loosen some of the tension in his shoulders and neck.
While showering, he thought about how strange it felt to actually want someone around to witness him in anything less than top form. TJ had always had a steady confidence about him - but he had a hard time letting people in, letting them see his weaknesses. Looking back, that’s when the bully persona had kicked in - when his world had started to cave in around him. Regardless of the effort he was putting in he had been failing math. He had also fairly recently decided he was gay and it was terrifying to question his identity. Being angry and scary kept people away, which meant they’d never see him as anything less than strong. With Cyrus however, his vulnerability was simply another part of him he wanted to share.
Shutting the water off, he stepped out of the shower. He took a few deep breaths in through his nose to calm a rather intense wave of nausea. Once he had recovered, he dressed and then padded down the hallway back to his room. As he entered, two things struck him. First, it was insanely bright, and it did NOT help his head. Second of all, Cyrus had cleaned his room. Even though the pain was full force now, he couldn’t help but think of how sweet Cyrus was. He was always taking care of people or trying to help them.
“Hey,” Cyrus said softly as he entered the room. The look on his face was soft, mixed with worry and something TJ couldn’t quite pinpoint. Somehow though it made him feel nervous and excited all at once.
“Hey yourself,” TJ replied quietly, squinting and fumbling with his left hand for the light switch on the wall. “Sorry, the light makes my head hurt so much worse. Can you close my curtains please?”
“Of course,” answered Cyrus immediately. He walked across the room and drew both sets of navy blue curtains shut.
In the meantime TJ headed towards the bed. He sat down, opened his nightstand drawer and took out a small container of pills. He grabbed the water bottle that was next to his alarm clock and took a drink, swallowing two of the pills as he did so. He looked at Cyrus across the now darkened room. “I’m sorry Cy, I’m sure this isn’t how you wanted to spend your Friday afternoon.”
Cyrus smiled. “Teej...I just want to be with you. I don’t care what we’re doing. I just wish I could help you feel better.”
TJ smiled as he lay down, eyes still closed. Was there a selfish bone in Cyrus’ body? He didn’t think so. It was his default setting to put others first. In a way, as much as he loved it, TJ saw it as his job to try and help Cyrus put himself first every so often - although right now he just wanted the younger boy next to him. “You can. Come lay with me?” He patted the empty spot next to him on the queen size bed.
Cyrus obliged, tentatively at first. He lay down, resting his head on the athlete’s chest. TJ was fairly certain there was no way Cyrus couldn’t hear how fast his heart was beating - being close to the brunette had this effect on him every time. He took a deep breath in, smelling Cyrus’ familiar, comforting scent. The meds were starting to kick in, and he could feel himself getting drowsy. On second thought, aside from the pain coursing through his head, he couldn’t think of a better way to spend the afternoon.
Knowing he would be passed out in mere moments, he spoke softly. “It usually only takes a couple of hours of sleep before I can function again. We can watch a movie or something when I wake up, okay?”
Cyrus responded by running his fingers through TJ’s still damp hair. “Take all the time you need. I’ll be right here.”
The meds, mixed with the overwhelming feeling of Cyrus gently running his hands through TJ’s hair and softly massaging his scalp gave him a hazy, heady feeling. He was fast asleep only moments later.
*********************************************************
When TJ awoke a couple of hours later, his headache had lessened substantially and the nausea was all but gone. Cyrus though, cuddled up at his side made him want to commit the moment to memory forever. At some point Cyrus had draped his arm over the blonde’s waist. While sleeping, TJ’s shirt had ridden up ever so slightly and Cyrus’ fingers were lightly grazing his hip bone.
His boyfriend was the definition of peaceful, mouth open ever so slightly, breathing slow and steady. He probably needed the sleep, in actuality. Cyrus, as a rule, did not get enough sleep. Being an overachiever by nature meant that he would often study late into the night. If he wasn’t studying, he was making time for the important people in his world.
TJ was currently playing on two basketball teams and practiced most nights until evening, so often Cyrus would text or FaceTime him into the wee hours of the morning so they could actually have an uninterrupted conversation. TJ always fell asleep first. When it wasn’t TJ he was making time for, it was Buffy, Andi or Jonah. He was always quick to drop whatever he was doing to cheer Buffy on at a practice or game, hang out at Andi Shack on a moments notice when Andi needed an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on, or to hang with Jonah at the Red Rooster as he experimented with new music. In short, he didn’t spend much time taking care of himself.
As TJ pondered the selflessness that was so innately Cyrus, the brunette stirred next to him, sleepily opening his eyes and looking at TJ.
“Hi you,” the older boy said quietly. “Sleep well?”
Cyrus rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Who cares about me? What about you? Are you okay?” His voice was groggy and rough from sleep - it made TJ’s stomach flip - in a good way.
“The worst is over. I still have a headache but it’s bearable. This is pretty much just how it goes -it's pretty predictable. I just prefer to sleep through the part where I’m insanely nauseous.” He shrugged. “That’s the most uncomfortable part. I’ve gotten one or two a month since I was like 11. I’m used to it. It’s genetic apparently, my mom gets them too.”
Cyrus, though still obviously drowsy, seemed to be contemplating what to say next. “Well now I know. Seeing you in pain is definitely not on the list of things I enjoy. I’m not used to seeing you like that. You’re so strong all the time, it’s like you're bulletproof.”
“Cyrus, you’ve literally seen me bawl like a baby. There is no one else on this planet that’s seen that side of me. You know I’m not strong all the time.”
TJ thought back to the near breakdown he had ended up having the day he came out to Cyrus. Besides his parents (who thankfully just wanted him to be happy regardless of who he was attracted to), no one had known about TJ’s sexuality at that point. The suffocation of keeping it all locked up inside him - and especially the pain of keeping it from Cyrus of all people - had become too much to bear. He had asked Cyrus to meet him at the swings hoping he’d find the courage to come clean to the one and only person he truly trusted in the world. And somehow, he had, though he had stumbled over the words, silent tears pouring down his face. Cyrus had calmly and quietly taken his hand when he had finished and told him how proud he was of him and how much he cared about him. And then - well then he had said what TJ had been hoping was the case for months. He softly and simply stated “I know how hard it is to say it - I’m gay too Teej. And as long as we’re going for the dramatic confessions...well - I - um- I like you. Like a lot. In a completely not platonic way”. When he looked up at TJ, his eyes were swimming with unshed tears, but they also had the steely look of confidence and determination.
Slowly, TJ had leaned in and placed a soft, chaste kiss to Cyrus’ lips. And then he lost it. Completely. It was all too much, all the emotion, the rawness of it all. He had sobbed in Cyrus’ arms until he was physically and mentally spent. Cyrus had walked him home and TJ had given him a long embrace, and then kissed him on the forehead. They didn’t need words. Cyrus headed back towards home, and TJ had immediately gone to bed and slept until the next morning, exhausted but finally feeling free.
TJ was pulled from his trip down memory lane by Cyrus’ hand reaching for his. He laced their fingers together as he spoke. “Emotionally I know you have your moments. It’s part of why I fell for you - your surprising sensitive streak.”
TJ fondly rolled his eyes at the Jewish boy, it was still a bit strange to think that someone actually knew about the emotional, sentimental side of him.
Cyrus continued. “But physically, I’ve never seen even a glimmer of anything other than strength. I mean, logically I know you’re human and you get sick and hurt and stuff, but seeing it even a little made me feel...I don’t know - so conflicted. Like the urge to make it better was overwhelming because of course I never want you to be in pain...but at the same time the thought of you being even remotely vulnerable made me - I don’t know, it’s dumb. I just - ugh - being the person that gets to see you like this, without the perfect hair and flawless jump shot - it just makes me want you all the more.” He blushed as he looked at the other boy. “Soft TJ is undeniably attractive. “It’s not fair,” he finished shyly.
TJ blushed, in spite of himself. Even he couldn’t play it cool all the time, and the confession made his whole body buzz with anticipation. Still, he had to attempt to not give Cyrus the upper hand. “Oh yeah? So that’s all I have to do to turn you into a puddle huh? Get a cold or break my arm?”
“Oh hush you” Cyrus said, swatting TJ’s chest.
TJ’s expression softened. “Cy...there’s a reason I let you see these sides of me. I trust you. I know you won’t think less of me, I don’t have an appearance to keep up with you. I mean, I know it’s stupid to feel like I have to keep up an appearance at all, for anyone, but I do.”
“We all have public and private selves Teej, I get it. I’m just glad you share the private side with me.” Cyrus voice was soft, barely above a whisper.
And it was those softly uttered words that were TJ’s undoing. The force of the moment hit him unexpectedly, there was so much emotion coursing through him it was hard to concentrate or to focus on anything other than the adoration he felt for Cyrus.
“God Underdog, as long as you look at me like that you can take care of me whenever you want...it’s probably worth whatever pain I’m going through.” TJ’s voice was breathy, almost a whisper. He stared into Cyrus’ deep brown eyes, electricity crackling between them. The emotions vying for dominance inside him had replaced themselves with pure physical want. Normally he loved the long, quiet, comfortable conversations he had with Cyrus - they were one of his favorite things about their relationship if he was being honest - but right now, in the moment, after the words just spoken between them, all he could think about was how...gorgeous? Nope, fuck it - HOT - his boyfriend was.
“Can I kiss you?” Cyrus nodded silently, never breaking eye contact.
TJ leaned forward boldly, pulling Cyrus to him until their chests were touching. He placed his hand at the back of the dark-haired boy’s neck, and connected their lips slowly. Something about kissing Cyrus righted everything in TJ’s world - every time their lips connected he felt centered, balanced. This time, he also felt emboldened. Their soft, simple, slow kisses had been perfection thus far in their relationship, but he was ready for more. He was hoping Cyrus was too. Ever so softly, he swept his tongue across Cyrus’ bottom lip, praying he wouldn’t scare the boy off.
TJ pulled away ever so slightly as he heard Cyrus’ sharp intake of breath. “Is this okay? I can stop, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“Fuck yes it’s okay. Please don’t stop.”
TJ’s eyes went wide. “You never swear!”
“Not true. I just choose my moments carefully. Do you want to debate this now or would you like to continue?” Cyrus eyed TJ intently.
TJ literally thought his brain was going to short-circuit. The cursing and assertiveness was not something he had seen from Cyrus as of yet - and it was fucking irresistible.
TJ’s lips were forcefully on Cyrus’ yet again, his tongue dragging across the younger boy’s bottom lip. This time he was granted entrance. With the first flick of his tongue against Cyrus’, TJ’s brain stopped functioning. He was relying solely on instinct, something he did often - he had no past relationship experience and Cyrus had been his first kiss. But he was also a teenager, and hormones were proving to be a good teacher. He figured the goal was to pour everything he felt for Cyrus into the kiss...and so he did just that.
TJ pulled away breathlessly and shifted his body, moving from his side to his back, pulling Cyrus with him. The shorter boy was now laying partly on the bed and partially on top of TJ., both of them out of breath and flushed. They locked eyes, the silence thick with words not spoken. TJ didn’t think his heart would ever slow down and he wasn’t sure he wanted it to. He felt incredible, weightless - almost as if Cyrus’ body tightly pressed against his torso was the only thing holding him down.
The look on his boyfriend’s face was one TJ hadn’t ever seen - but somehow it made his nerves pool in his gut, creating an undeniable sense of anticipation. Cyrus broke TJ’s gaze, shifted his body upwards and began to place soft kisses along the basketball player’s collar bone, working up to his neck just beneath his ear.
TJ’s mind was blown. His final scrap of coherency was lost as he felt Cyrus’ soft lips slowly skim across his collarbone. Every curse word he’d ever uttered was on the tip of his tongue, the only words that felt like they could live up to how Cyrus was making him feel - until the younger boy reached the spot just below TJ’s ear. Words weren’t going to cut it - without thinking TJ uttered a soft, gravelly moan that caught even him by surprise.
“H-holy SHIT Cyrus,” he rasped, his green eyes dark. Cyrus looked up at him through dark lashes, his cheeks aflame.
“I could say the same to you,” Cyrus whispered. “Where did you learn to kiss like that? Have you been holding out on me? Was I not really your first kiss? Because that wasn’t rookie shit TJ Kippen.”
So it hadn’t been completely terrIble. He breathed a small sigh of relief and began carding his fingers through Cyrus’ already tousled locks and huffed a laugh that was so soft it was barely there. “Instinct Underdog. Everything I do with you is instinct. I’m new to all of this too...but it’s not scary because it’s you. To be completely corny and cliche, I just listen to my heart.”
Instead of responding, Cyrus simply leaned forward, clearly aiming to pick up where they had left off. TJ, however, had other ideas. He flipped the other boy onto his back.
“Turnabout is fair play Cy,” he murmured, eyes twinkling. This time it was Cyrus who elicited a series of soft groans when he felt TJ’s lips connect with his neck. TJ didn’t think he’d ever heard a sound so sweet.
“Fuck.”
Except maybe that one. TJ looked up at Cyrus with a mock look of shock. “Twice in one day huh? You rebel you. I must be rubbing off on you.”
Cyrus responded, his eyes still closed. “I told you I choose my moments. These definitely qualify.”
TJ responded softly. “Yeah. Yeah they do.” He leaned forward again and placed a soft kiss to Cyrus’ forehead and then captured his lips once again, this time scraping his teeth gently along Cyrus’ bottom lip and tugging ever so slightly.
Cyrus’ breathing again became erratic and ragged. “When - when - do y-your parents get home?” he panted.
TJ picked up Cyrus’ hand and kissed the knuckles softly. “Not for at least an hour. My bedroom door is open and our front door is noisy as shit. I’ll hear my mom I promise.”
Cyrus looked at him, challenge blazing in his eyes, his cheeks bright red. “Care to try and make me curse again?”
“Fuck yes.”