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When they start appearing on magazine covers and talk shows, Allison gets nicer things from Dad- clothes, make-up, nail polish. It’s not exactly favoritism- though she is probably only second to Luther in that respect -but the fact that the world seems to expect More from Allison than they do the boys. Klaus can’t really put it into words, but it’s probably for the same reason all the actresses on TV seem to have a thousand different dresses while the men all wear the same boring suits.
Dad doesn’t not allow Vanya to have these things, but he doesn’t give them to her either; he treats the clothes and accessories like a business expense, just another part of making the Umbrella Academy an ideal package for the world. But Allison shares, because for all they’ve ignored Vanya over the years, they do care about her, and Allison is the best at expressing it. More of the make-up, the jewelry, the clothes, all shows up, and if part of it goes into Vanya’s bedroom rather than Allison’s, well, Dad’s hardly paying attention anyway.
Allison does not, however, share with Klaus. Not out of cruelty, but simply because boys and skirts or eyeliner just Is Not Done. But Klaus has never had any patience for shoulds or should nots, and dives in anyway.
He starts by stealing make-up from Vanya, because she’s decided she doesn’t like it very much, so she won’t notice it’s missing. Klaus takes a tube of lipstick, an eyeliner pencil, and a very small palette of eyeshadow. He looks over his prizes with delight but realizes, as he’s smearing bright red lipstick across his mouth, that he has no idea what he’s doing.
He doesn’t want to ask Allison or Vanya, because that defeats the whole purpose of stealing the stuff, and also they could tell on him if Dad pushed them hard enough. He wonders if it would occur to Mom to tell Dad about the make-up if she found out, but decides it isn’t worth the risk, and besides, Mom doesn’t actually wear make-up, he’s learned, and that’s just what her face looks like.
So Klaus goes into his small reserve of cash, mostly used for buying donuts at Griddy’s with the others, and buys a magazine with a beautiful woman on the cover that claims to offer “The Best Style Tips!”. (He could probably steal it without much trouble, but he’s not going to risk a night in the mausoleum for a bunch of glossy paper, he’s not stupid.)
(Vanya asks him later, “Couldn’t you have just bought your own make-up, then, like the magazine?”
Klaus throws his hands up in exasperation and says, “What, do I have to do everything around here?”)
The magazine helps, kind of, though it talks a lot about primer and foundation and different kinds of brushes, and Klaus doesn’t have any brushes, actually, he forgot to grab even the little spongey eyeshadow ones, so he applies the eyeshadow with his fingertips instead and reads about how to give himself “the perfect pout”. The lipstick is sort of waxy and uncomfortable, and it doesn’t really match the eye make-up, but it’s secret and special so he wears it anyway.
Nail polish is easier, it’s simple to palm a bottle of black polish when he’s needling Allison about what that solo photoshoot was like, and when is he going to get a solo photoshoot, huh, isn’t he pretty enough-
She threatens to Rumor him, but he’s got what he came for and he backs off without arguing. (Which, in hindsight, might have been suspicious.)
Painting his toenails is kind of sloppy at first, but he hasn’t started drinking yet, not really, and not gone near the real hard stuff, so he’s got manual dexterity for days, he is golden. (Well, his toes are kind of ebony after his first try. Semantics.) He’d love to do his fingernails, but nail polish takes more effort to remove than make-up, and at least he can keep his toenails painted probably indefinitely, no one’s got any reason to be looking at his feet.
Clothes are his biggest challenge. They’re the bulkiest, and the most obvious, plus it’s more on the family’s radar ever since he broke his jaw running in Mom’s heels.
The girls’ Academy uniforms are the easiest target, but they’re so boring, the swish of the skirt the only real difference from his own. He nabs a couple anyway, just so he can have them.
Allison has the best dresses and skirts; while Vanya has decided she’s not a big fan of them, like the make-up, hers are almost exclusively black or navy blue, which might as well be the same as the uniform. Allison really likes bright colors right now, and that somehow seems more forbidden to Klaus, and therefore more exciting. So he stakes out Allison’s hamper, full and left outsider her door for Mom to collect.
Mom is very efficient with laundry, just as she is with everything else, so he has only a small window. It feels kinda gross, rifling through Allison’s underwear (who am I, Luther? he thinks to himself, and giggles at the thought of dearest Number One actually doing such a thing), but he digs until he grabs two skirts and a dress, and bolts back to his room.
Klaus is pretty pleased with his prizes. One is a pleated skirt, similar to those of the uniforms, but it is cotton candy pink which is a million times better. The other skirt is looser, flowy, a pretty light blue, and it makes Klaus feel like a princess.
The dress, though. Goddamn.
The dress is a light, casual thing in an orange that looks far better on Allison than it does on Klaus, but he doesn’t care; the airy skirt flares out as he twirls around, making a breeze that brushes his legs in a way that reminds Klaus of a beautiful spring day. Maybe it’s just in his head- he does have a joint between his lips -but it feels magical. He wonders if Allison feels like this all the time, and the envy makes him ache.
All of it together- the make-up, the nail polish, the dress -is a train wreck of an outfit, but it’s his. (Okay, it’s mostly Allison’s. But it’s his, too.) He’s beautiful too.
It can’t last; as big as this house is, there doesn’t seem to be any privacy, and someone will see him- maybe Luther, maybe Dad. He’ll be chewed out for stealing, for being “entirely inappropriate”, told he’s embarrassing the Academy. But now, for just a little while, it only belongs to Klaus, a little splash of color in the dark.
Maybe he can get his hands on Allison's feather boa.