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Tsuyu is honestly tired of being treated like a victim.
Alright, so maybe that sounds pretty ridiculous considering her circumstances, but it hardly changes anything. She supposes that in some ways, she is a victim. She was kidnapped, tortured, betrayed. But of course, the betrayal was her fault. She was the one who choose to get involved with Toga.
Toga. She missed her so damn much. Why? There was no reason to. Whatever, it would pass. It had to.
Maybe it was this semi-victim blaming that made her appreciate Bakugou the most. He was the only one who seemed to partially blame her for the situation. That wouldn't be a good thing if it weren't her fault, but it was, so that was that. Not that the others hadn't been trying their hardest or anything, because they certainly had.
(God, she had treated Uraraka so badly.)
She could practically hear his gruff voice in her head right then. It was right before the rest of the class visited. Bakugou had come by himself.
With all of the confidence of...everyone, he spoke, "Look, this is all your fault. If you hadn't gotten involved with that psycho in the first place this wouldn't have happened and you shouldn't have been so weak when it went south."
"Uh...okay?"
"I guess I could have warned you about what she was doing, though. With the blackmail or whatever."
It was pretty funny actually. She could remember how flabbergasted she was by his sort-of apology. At the time it had seemed out of character. Now though, she knew better, she knew Bakugou better.
"Nothing to be sorry about, ribbit."
"I'm not apologizing! I'm just tellin' you how it is!"
"Wow, you act like you hate everyone, but you're super nice. I bet you even like...uh...Toaster-Fridge?"
"What?"
"Isn't that what you call Todoroki?"
Bakugou had honestly laughed at that. Like, really just snorted. Tsuyu would be lying if she said she wasn't pretty prideful about it.
From that point on there was a unspoken bond between them. even the class had begun to notice it. They were in a sort of club. They could call it the 'Students Kidnapped by Villains Club!'
Patent pending.
All jokes aside, Tsuyu found it rather cathartic to be around someone who actually had a grasp on what she had been through. Bakugou understood her guilt, her pain. He very well may have been the only person that could. He also made her feel responsible. She was, and she needed someone to tell her as much.
She hadn't realized just how much she had been relying on him until Uraraka pointed it out.
"You guys sure have been spending a lot of time together!" she was smiling, but hardly looked happy.
Spending time with Uraraka was dangerous for both of them, but Tsuyu decided she would be able to protect them both. Even if she had almost confessed the full truth to her multiple times.
"Oh, hm, I guess so. I hadn't even realized," Tsuyu hummed, because she hadn't. Bakugou had merely become another constant in her life. It sounded bad to call him a replacement, but in some ways he was.
A replacement for the whole that had recently been ripped out her heart.
Uraraka bit her lip, "Do you guys ever...talk about...?"
Tsuyu nodded, "Yeah. I don't want to say it's a bonding experience but, you know, ribbit."
"I...get it. He probably can relate to you. I don't mean to pry but, is he alright?"
"Alright, ribbit?"
"Yeah, I was just curious."
Tsuyu looked at her friend oddly, "Why wouldn't he be?"
"No, I just thought...he was kidnapped too and...nevermind," Uraraka nervously giggled, "Just forget it.
Tsuyu tried to do just that, but she couldn't. She had been so focused on releasing her own feelings, that she ignored Bakugou's. If he blamed her for getting kidnapped, did that mean he blamed himself? Unlike her, he did nothing wrong. There was nothing he could have done. If he was blaming himself...yikes.
And she thought her habits were destructive.
Apparently, this was noticed, as Midnight sat her down in her office one day, looking grave.
"Asui," Midnight sighed, "Honey, we think therapy might be a good idea."
"What?"
"You went through a traumatic experience and haven't been adapting well, at least from what we've seen. We are obligated to make sure you get help."
Tsuyu wants to argue, but they're right. She hasn't been adapting. It hits her like a truck. Maybe she wasn't having breakdowns, but that hardly made her feel better. Even her inner monologue felt wrong.
She felt wrong.
"When do I start?" Tsuyu asks finally.
"That's the tricky part," Midnight hummed, looking through papers, "We need to speak with your parents of course, and set you up with a therapist. It will take a lot of work before we even have a set date."
"Oh," Tsuyu's conversation with Uraraka flashed in her mind, "Did Bakugou every go through therapy?"
Midnight sounds exasperated, "Oh God."
"I'm sorry, ribbit."
"No, no. Don't be. I just can't believe we...I never set up anything for him. He...goodness. Dear, I'm sorry, head back to your dorm room. We'll take care of this."
So Tsuyu does, not knowing if that was a good thing, or a horrible one.
Tsuyu is in her room, relaxing for the first time in a long while. God, she had missed just lazing about, enjoying her free time.
Of course, then she hears the loud banging at her door and has a pretty good idea of who it is. She has hardly even opened the door when Bakugou strides in, ranting and raving.
"Therapy! Do they think I'm crazy? I don't need some dumb shrink!"
"Hi to you too," Tsuyu says weakly, praying to get some sort of laugh out of him.
She gets no such thing, him all but foaming at the mouth, "Did you do this? What am I saying, course you did! You just can't mind your own damn business, huh?"
"They wanted to send me to therapy," Tsuyu explained, hoping to calm him down at least somewhat, "I just asked if you had gone, and Miss Midnight started going off about how she would do something."
"Great! So tell her that I don't need it and you were wrong! I'm not some sicko who needs to talk out his feelings! I'm fine! Anyone could see that!"
Tsuyu would love to agree with him, truly she would. However, even she can't delude herself into thinking that he was in any way "fine."
(And she had been deluding herself a fair bit recently.)
He looked...tired. She had never quite picked up on it before, but for the past while he had just seemed exhausted.
"Might as well just go through with it," she shrugs.
"Hah?"
"I mean, you honestly look kind of awful. Even if you are fine, which I don't think you are, at least if you go without a fight you can get it over with. Besides, I'm doing it too. Nothing wrong with it."
"Go without a fight?" Bakugou laughs shortly, though he looks anything but amused, "Do you even understand who you're talking to? Look, you may be too weak to cope with your failures, but I'm not!"
Failure, huh? "Bakugou, I've been thinking about our whole 'weakness led to me being kidnapped thing,' ribbit. It got me thinking..."
Bakugou's mouth tightened.
"I really do blame myself for the whole Toga thing, y'know. I was negligent. When you were kidnapped you didn't have any part in it though."
"Frog face," he spoke warningly.
Tsuyu ignored him, "Do you blame yourself for your kidnapping?"
He stayed utterly still, "I should have protected myself. It was my fault to begin with for being so weak. It was a major inconvenience. There's nothing else to it."
He...he really truly blamed himself, "Inconvenience? Do you really think that Kirishima, Midoriya, or anyone who helped you felt inconvenienced by you? Bakugou, who told you that?"
"Nobody!" Bakugou replies just a bit too quickly, "Like I'd ever let someone talk down to me!"
Tsuyu doesn't believe him in the slightest. The way he's speaking, it seems far to rehearsed, like he hears it a lot. She wonders who would be so important to bakugou that he would believe something like that. She decides not to argue regardless, "Hey, ribbit."
"Hey."
"How about we make a deal? We can do therapy together," Tsuyu suggests, "Strength in numbers and all that."
Bakugou sighs, "Whatever. I've got some conditions too, though."
"What's up?"
"Quit blaming yourself for the Toga thing, Asui. I'm sure I haven't been helping but..."
Tsuyu gingerly places a hand in his hair (which is super hard since he's so much taller), "Don't apologize."
"I'm not!" despite his harsh tone, he relaxed into her touch, if after a brief tesness.
"Uh-huh, right."
"I will murder you!"
"How sweet."
"Filthy Toad!"
Tsuyu sat in her bed, cuddling a plushie Toga had bought for her some time ago. She had managed to get rid of most of the things that reminded her of Toga, and yet this one remained. It made her feel like Toga was there, at least in spirit. That she would knock on her window any day now, grinning. Tsuyu wasn't sure if that would be totally unwelcome. She knew she had to get rid of the stuffed toy, get rid of Toga soon.
Then again, she didn't really want to.
Baby steps, Tsuyu reminded herself, softly as she could.
Baby steps.