Archive of Our Own ^beta

-Truth Untold

 

Oftentimes, Jungkook can't sleep. It's partly a nasty habit from his old life, and partly the result of endless thoughts that plague his mind. Jungkook spent a lot of time awake in his old life from how busy he was despite the lack of group activities. Jungkook would produce in his studio or spend a night at the gym. Sometimes, when he was too deep in his head and restless, he would dance until he could barely walk. Just like all habits, Jungkook finds himself going through similar routines in this life. Jungkook practices with Hoseok in the early morning --as early as six in the morning. The rest of his day is then filled with more practice and vocal lessons, with tiny breaks in between. It's not until midnight that Jungkook returns to his shared dorm where he thinks until he can finally get some precious sleep.

It was fine at first because it had to be. Jungkook thought he was used to it after many years of ignoring the strain he puts his body in. It isn't until six weeks pass by that he starts noticing the affects it has on his small body. His movements become slow and sluggish. He finds himself more tired than usual, and won't wake up as easily as he usually can. Hell, he almost fainted while practicing with Hoseok, but luckily, the older male didn't seem to notice. It's only then that he realizes his mind may be that of his old self, but his body is still weak, small, and unaccustomed to the strain that Jungkook keeps putting it through. Jungkook is technically still a teenager and has some more growing to do. Which means he has to live through all the awkward phases he went through in his old life.

Hopefully, nobody will tease him about his phases this time around.

"Jungkook, do you even sleep?"

Jungkook sits up straight when hearing his name. Looking up, he notices Hoseok's face contorted into a worried expression.

"You dozed off. Or maybe you were thinking about something? Are you okay?" Hoseok asks, the corners of his mouth curving downwards into his infamous triangular pout. Jungkook dislikes that pout when Hoseok is truly upset.

"Jungkook?"

The pre-teen snaps out of his thoughts, feeling soft hands brushing his fringe back and checking his temperature. Jungkook flinches at the cold touch and remembers that Hoseok was previously resting his palms on the cold floor. Jungkook leans into the touch, reminiscent of the times his hyungs would brush his hair back whenever they lazed about in the dorm. The memory feels like a lifetime ago, but it's a nice memory, no matter that it's from an easier time in his old life.

"Are you sure you're okay?" He can hear the confusion in Hoseok's voice, and Jungkook realizes his eyes are shut.

"'m fine." He mumbles with a blush blooming on his cheeks as he meets Hoseok's eyes filled with worry. For more reassurance, he adds, "Don't worry."

"You look tired. Try to get some sleep, Jungkook. Don't come here tomorrow morning." Hoseok's voice is gentle, soft like silky sheets, and sweet like honey.

"But I like coming here." Jungkook protests, feeling the soft hands retreat back to Hoseok's sides. A part of him is sad at the loss of warmth, while the other part is relieved. It's been too long since he's last been touched in such a way and is slowly becoming more uncomfortable.

"Take care of your health then. I won't have you here if you're two seconds away from passing out."

Jungkook pouts, annoyed of being back at the stage where he has to listen to his hyungs because he's younger. In their eyes, he doesn't know how to take care of himself and is naive of the world around. Maybe he still is. He doesn't feel like he's grown up that much.

Hoseok steps back and starts walking back to the stereo, ready to dance to the next song on the queue. He's been dancing for hours, yet still has the energy to continue. Or maybe its determination that keeps him going, Jungkook is never sure. Neither in his old life or this one.

"I'll take care of my health if you take care of yours."

His Hoseok never cared for his health, or maybe he'd simply forgotten that his health was even a thing and the human body needs fuel --something to keep him moving. Jungkook was always the one to remind him, and occasionally, Yoongi yelled at Hoseok for his carelessness which always resulted in a fight because hypocrites can't tell Hoseok what to do.

But this Hoseok is younger, therefore, easy to influence to drop the carelessness of his health. It will save them a lot of problems in the future.

Jungkook waits for a response, a pout still on his lips as Hoseok stands frozen near the speakers. After a few seconds, Hoseok turns around and gazes at Jungkook, as if weighing his options before saying, "Alright."

"That means you have to stop staying up late to practice," Jungkook adds, his eyebrows furrowing in a serious manner. "You also have to eat often to have energy. I'll do the same if you do it. Otherwise, you'll be a hypocrite."

Hoseok studies Jungkook carefully, making the younger nervous and go pink from the sudden attention. "You're a lot smarter than I thought." He speaks in his smooth honey voice with a smile gracing his lips.

Jungkook isn't sure if he should feel offended, but figures he can start using his age to his advantage.

 

---

 

From what Jungkook remembers, BTS started because of Namjoon. The group grew with each new rapper added. Members came and went until the members leftover made an okay team. The rest is history.

Jungkook, for the life of him, can't remember just when each member joined. Which is saying something because he has a good memory. Or at least, he's supposed to.

Now that he has more time to think (thanks to the agreement he made with Hoseok), Jungkook is making it a goal to find the others. Since Hoseok joined the group a while back, it's very likely that the members who hadn't wanted to dance already left to find a place where they would make it big through a different path.

Hopefully, Yoongi hasn't left too.

 

---

 

"Sorry Jungkook, I don't think we can dance together today."

Jungkook stands by the entrance of the dance room as he watches Hoseok put some clothes away in his duffel bag. "Where are you going?" He asks as Hoseok disconnects his phone from the speakers.

"Nowhere, I'm just cleaning up. Yoongi hyung and Namjoon are coming here. We're gonna talk about a few things."

"Oh. Then I'll just... I'll..." Jungkook looks around the room in thought. He honestly doesn't know what to do now. "I'll go somewhere." He eventually says.

Hoseok freezes in place, looking over at Jungkook who awkwardly shuffles in his spot by the door. Hoseok should know which days Jungkook has lessons, and which days he spends in the dance room with Hoseok. Maybe the older dancer forgot that today there's nothing better to do, and what that means for an active and determined Jungkook.

"Fuck, I'm sorry Jungkook." Said teen glances up in confusion at Hoseok's reaction. "You can stay, but I don't think you can dance for long before the others come. Though, I can dance with you after if you want."

Jungkook shifts nervously, unsure of the proposal. He's not exactly ready to meet the others. It's one thing to see them in passing and another to interact with them. "N-no it's fine. I don't want to bother you and the others."

"Jungkook just stay. I know you don't have anything to do, and I don't want to send you back to the dorms to wait."

Jungkook glances at the floor, trying to find another way to get out of the situation. He definitely misses the other boys, but Jungkook knows that seeing them will only hurt him. His last few and far away memories of them are not all nice, and Jungkook isn’t sure if he can find it in himself to not give them the cold shoulder, even if these versions of his bandmates didn’t do anything to this Jungkook. But if he isn't ready now then when will he be? Sighing, Jungkook looks back up at Hoseok.

"Fine."

 

---

 

Jungkook quietly sits by the mirrors far away from the three members conversing with each other. He's writing on a notebook he bought a while back with the little money he has. Jungkook didn't have much time to write in it because he's busy practicing, but now he has a few hours to kill and is furiously writing on his notebook. In Jungkook's opinion, distractions work best in helping him forget his anger and frustrations of moments that have yet to come in this life.

His notebook is slowly being filled in with familiar phrases, lyrics from songs he sang a lifetime ago. While these songs will be useful eventually, he thinks of selfishly keeping them to himself as a memento of a group that once had it all. These songs are reminders and proof of his old life and the hardships he went through. These songs don't exist in this life yet --or even ever if he causes enough changes.

"So who's the kid Hoseok?" Jungkook listens in as he writes, taking note of the slightly higher pitched voice than he's used to. stealing a quick glance at the trio, Jungkook tries not to snicker at the youthful look of Yoongi at eighteen. Jungkook recalls the times he would tease the oldest rapper of his hair in his teen years.

"A trainee, he's super talented. His name's Jungkook."

"He writes?" Namjoon, Jungkook's mind supplies, barely recognizing the voice. His mind immediately fills in the visual of a teen Namjoon, innocent and yet all knowing. Like a sage. Especially with the small mustache that Jungkook remembers Namjoon trying to grow during their pre-debut days.

"I don't know, this is the first I've seen him write."

"Hyung, you make it sound like I don't know how to write." The trio startles as they set their gazes on Jungkook who pouts at the dancer, avoiding the eyes of the other two. Especially Namjoon’s, always calculating --but the ones that Jungkook remembers are the ones lost in thought and indifferent towards him.

"That's not what I meant Jungkook." Hoseok smiles softly as if he were a parent talking to his child. Jungkook is used to receiving that look in his old life, and he finds that he misses it. "What are you writing?"

"Songs."

"Will you let hyung see?" Hoseok asks. Jungkook hates being talked to like a baby –-even though he's always a baby in his members' eyes– and were this any other day, or any other hyung not the three before him, he would have ignored them. However, it isn't any other day or any other member, and Jungkook finds himself walking towards Hoseok obediently, having missed the attention he lost not so long ago. It's embarrassing how easily he always seems to give in to the hyung-line.

"Read this one," Jungkook flips through the page and hands it to Hoseok, who gently grabs it with a smile. "It's the only one finished." Which is a lie, but the three rappers don't need to know that.

Jungkook stands there nervously, glancing between the three to-be rappers who huddle together to read the notebook at the same time.

"Paldogangsan?" Yoongi asks when his eyes finally settle on the page. He raises an eyebrow at the teen in front of him.

"The lyrics kinda further explain everything," Jungkook says, playing with the hair on the back of his head and glancing around as he speaks nervously. It isn't an act of complete nervousness. No, Jungkook isn't really nervous, just uncomfortable and somewhat embarrassed, although, Jungkook isn't even sure what he's embarrassed about.

Jungkook did not originally write 'Paldogangsan'. In fact, Jungkook probably wasn't even around at the time the three rappers made the song in his old life. He's simply been writing any song he can remember, and he has quite a few finished, but Jungkook thinks it appropriate to let the trio see the one song they're supposed to do, the one that makes the name ‘Bangtan Boys’ quite well known before their official debut.

"This is pretty good," Namjoon comments, and Jungkook feels instant relief at the words. "You're a really good writer."

"Did you write this all by yourself?" Yoongi asks, scanning through the pages. He glances up to meet Jungkook's doe eyes, making the boy nervous all over again. Yoongi has always been someone he didn't like to disobey unless he knew the oldest rapper was in a good mood for playful disobedience. Yoongi always intimidated Jungkook, and maybe it's his pre-teen hormones acting up that make Jungkook feel smaller and defenseless. (Though, Jungkook knows it had to do with the last time they’d talked and the weariness that surrounded the two afterward until his sudden awakening in the past).

"Yeah."

"Jungkookie, you're so talented!" Hoseok enthusiastically praises while smiling brightly at the pre-teen. Jungkook feels elated at the praise, not having heard that expression in years. At least, not genuinely and behind cameras.

"I think this song would suit you three," Jungkook says suddenly, nervously fiddling with his thumbs as he looks at the curious and confused trio. "I know that Hoseok has a Jeolla accent, and you sound like you have a Gyeongsang accent," Jungkook gestures towards Yoongi.

"How do you know these sayings and dialects?" Namjoon questions, his gaze scrutinizing Jungkook, making the teen anxious. He doesn't want the members to ever find out that Jungkook knows the future. It would ruin his plans. Jungkook knows that Namjoon has the potential to figure out just who Jungkook is if he isn’t careful with his words and actions. There are many things Jungkook isn’t supposed to know yet --or ever.

"I had two friends who used to argue in satoori,” Which is kind of true, Taehyung and Hoseok would argue often and Jungkook would learn some pretty interesting insults in their hour-long fights, “They taught me some so I used them in the song."

"Can we really have this Jungkookie?" Hoseok stares at the page with wide eyes.

Jungkook shrugs carelessly and glances at the floor. "I would never be able to do it myself so I might as well give it to you three. I think it'll suit you."

 

In his old life, there were many times Jungkook wanted to quit because of self-doubt. No matter how well he could cope with the exhaustion and pain his body went through, his preteen mind couldn’t always keep up with his dreams and his hard work. Jungkook often cried. Whether it was because of frustration or because someone else was hurt, Jungkook had broken down and hid away from any reassurances and comfort. Thinking back on it now, Jungkook thinks it was silly of him to want to quit because he thought he wasn’t good enough --that he wasn’t old enough to mentally deal with the pressure of being an idol. To cry because he felt useless and frustrated that something didn’t go his way. To push away any sort of comfort and support that could’ve helped him become a better person. A stronger person, both in mind and body.

Jungkook regrets it because he misses the affection of his bandmates and wishes he can have that again. He wishes to have a bond with someone that won't think twice about helping him out or showing him the affection that he so desperately needs even if he won't say a thing because he's an adult --an adult is supposed to do things on their own, and not depend on affection.

Now that he's alone, Jungkook misses his old life. The life of Jeon Jungkook who is strong and stubborn and loves his hyungs with his whole being, not showing affection because it isn’t considered manly or adult-ish. The Jungkook who is good at everything on his first try, the boy --no the man who tries to do things by himself and suffers quietly. The man who holds secrets and thrives off of laughter and happiness from his hyungs.

Jungkook is alone and he can do nothing but wish and hope that he can have good moments with his hyungs again.

 

---

 

The first time he cries in this life is because of frustration and anger. Jungkook is angry at the world, his instructors, peers, and himself. He's in pain both mentally and physically. However, he won’t tell anyone about his problems because they won’t understand.

No one would understand the sudden rush of emotions he feels when he's suddenly aware. He's pained at the newly sprained ankle, but that doesn't stop him from suddenly being hyper-aware of his surroundings; the unfamiliar faces that seem so wrong; the walls and floor that should’ve been long gone; the feel of his body being weak and so small. It all feels so wrong.

Then he's grieving. He grieves like it's the first time he’s ever felt sorrow, but he wills his tears away until he's alone in the safety of his not-so-safe dorm. He yells and curses and wondered why, why he's so alone, and why he can't remember anything from the last moments of his previous life, but rather everything that's happened in the thirteen years of this one. Jungkook is confused and angry because he wants an explanation. He wants to know what happened to his hyungs, but the lack of answers and reasoning are not helping him at all. He can only think of the worst and that in turn makes him cry harder.

Are they safe? Did they get hurt? Are they even alive? Is he alive? Is he okay? Is this really just a dream created in his unconscious state? (if he even is unconscious --or worse; a coma) Because if Jungkook didn’t know any better, he would say he time-traveled to the past, but that's impossible. Right?

For all the questions he has, he finds no answers, and that makes him all the angrier at himself for his cluelessness.

 

---

 

“What's wrong Jungkook?” Blinking slowly, Jungkook looks up from the floor to see Hoseok gazing at him with concern. Jungkook glances at his feet stretched out in front of him, his palms resting on the floor behind him in order to support himself. He was thinking again, of all the tragedies he wants to avoid, of questions he wants to be answered, and all the power he has to change himself; his hyungs, and everything that comes with being together. He also thought about his uselessness and what that could cause him to lose.

“Have you ever cried?” Jungkook suddenly asks, his voice small and unsure of the question. It's not exactly what he wants to ask, and he doesn't know what answer to expect because not once has he asked this of Hoseok, or anyone else. While waiting for an answer, Jungkook realizes he's never asked how his hyungs feel emotionally, or mentally. Jungkook has always been told ‘I’m okay' but they weren’t okay no matter how bright a smile they gave or how physically energetic they were. No one ever said a thing until they broke and Jungkook couldn’t pick up the pieces because he didn't understand what was wrong. His hyungs would refuse to tell him what was wrong because it was a problem to solve alone, and if they did tell him the problem, Jungkook still wouldn’t have been able to help because the roots of the problem were so deep that Jungkook couldn’t even begin to help dig them out. His hyungs who tried so hard to help Jungkook, wouldn’t seek help themselves, and that’s probably why Jungkook felt so useless, weak, and hurt.

That's why he stopped fighting with them and let them have their way, no matter how destructive they became.

‘This time,’ Jungkook thinks. ‘This time I’ll be there for them.’

“Everyone cries Jungkook,” Hoseok answers, walking over to Jungkook to take a seat on the cold floor in front of him. He crosses his legs and leans back on his palms, his sweaty hair sticking to his forehead.

“Yeah, but… What do you cry over?” Jungkook takes a deep breath and meets Hoseok’s brown eyes. “Do you cry from frustration? From feeling useless or from a buildup of stress? And how do you deal with it?”

Hoseok stares at Jungkook, possibly in thought, maybe shock, or maybe from curiosity. Either way, Jungkook doesn't care what Hoseok thinks of him, he simply wants an answer, and for Hoseok to stop staring so intently at him.

“I… don’t know what kind of answers you’re looking for, but… I cry when I feel incapable of something. Not uselessness, but of not being able to complete something because I’m not strong enough to do it, or something like that.” Hoseok smiles at his answer but frowns when he settles his eyes on Jungkook. “Are you having a slump of sorts? I can help as best as I can if you want?”

Jungkook widens his eyes in a slight panic, his mouth opening for a quick response he’s gotten used to over his many years of living. “No, I’m fine! I was just curious.”

Apparently, it's the wrong answer because Hoseok lifts an eyebrow and continues scrutinizing him with a frown and narrow eyes as if encouraging him to lie some more and find the consequences of it later. It makes Jungkook realize that this is a habit he has to get rid of. It's a habit that reminds him of the hyungs who left him out of their problems. How can he expect his hyungs of this life to open up for support if Jungkook is not doing the same? It's unfair.

Jungkook sighs and looks down at his thighs --much thinner than his adult legs-- all skin and bones but not much muscle, At least, not yet. “I- yes. I am kind of in a slump. I feel useless and weak, but I’m not even sure why. I kind of feel… lost? Like, I’m not sure what I’m doing, as if I have no purpose.”

Hoseok hums in response seemingly lost in thought. No words are uttered and it makes Jungkook feel insecure in a way. This is probably the first time he’s gone and told someone how he feels, and he feels so exposed. It's strange, yet he feels relieved all the same because he confessed himself to someone he knows wouldn’t hurt him, while others might have made him feel guilty or judged him for his feelings and thoughts, and that would’ve made Jungkook feel weak. Jungkook didn’t like to feel weak.

“Take time to reflect.” Hoseok finally says, looking up at the ceiling in thought while Jungkook patiently awaits his next words. “Think of why you’re here, and what you want to accomplish. Think of who Jungkook is and just remember who you are. Tell me, who is Jungkook?”

Jungkook is a lot of things. He's a child and an adult, both in this life and the last. He's talented in everything; is strong and mostly brawns and no brain. Jungkook is a time traveler and a man of many secrets; he's caring and wants to make his hyungs happy because they're the reason he exists. Jungkook is the naïve boy with the simple dream of being an idol, to be the very best, and he achieved it once at a great cost. Thinking on it now, that dream was forgotten, replaced with the desperation to feel happy and complete. Now, Jungkook doesn't know if he really wants to be the best; if he's ready to lose it all again for fame. (Maybe he isn't, but he's willing to try not to lose anything this time).

However, Hoseok doesn’t need to know all that.

Breathing deeply, Jungkook takes a moment to close his eyes before speaking, “Jungkook is… He wants to be an artist and enjoy every moment of it… Also, I want to eventually open a lamb skewer restaurant.”

Hoseok laughs loudly at the response and gives a bright smile at the pre-teen, satisfied with the answer. He stands up and offers a hand to Jungkook who takes it with a smile of his own.

“Well, let’s keep practicing!”

-Stigma

 

With August right around the corner, it means that what Jungkook assumes is the original date of Paldogangsan's release is three weeks away. The thought of it makes Jungkook simultaneously ecstatic and nervous. He's happy to see the events transpiring the way they should, but the idea that the events are similar in attitude unsettles him. Releasing the song will mean that Hoseok, Namjoon, and Yoongi will be exposed to the outside world. They will be criticized and hated if they make the smallest mistake. Jungkook knows that the boys want recognition for their talents, but in releasing something that can and will become recognized, they are also submitting themselves to the cruel eyes of a conservative society. They'll be branded as artists, idols, and entertainers; they will be in the spotlight for all the spectators to judge. It unnerves Jungkook to no end that he hasn't done much to give these naïve boys the confidence they need for an event that can potentially change their perspectives on themselves.

They can eventually become their own enemy, and Jungkook does not want to live through that again.

"Jungkook?" Hoseok's hand reaches closer to his face until he feels his nose being pinched. Confused, Jungkook turns to see Hoseok give a small smile.

"I was afraid you'd bump into something if I didn't get your attention somehow," the teen explains, pinching one of Jungkook's cheeks for fun. The preteen scrunches his nose and follows after Hoseok who continues walking down the corridors of the building they attend their training in. It's now nine in the morning and there are more trainees walking through the corridors trying to get to their dance or vocal lessons. Hoseok is making his way to his lessons while Jungkook heads to the recording studio where Bang Sihyuk will be meeting him to discuss a few things.

"Where are you going right now Jungkook?" Hoseok peeks over his shoulder to raise an eyebrow in question.

"Bang PD-nim wanted to see me in the recording room, so I guess I'll be there for a while before going to my vocal lesson."

Hoseok hums in acknowledgment and looks on ahead, avoiding a trainee rushing by in the opposite direction. Jungkook glances back at the trainee with a troubled expression, catching sight of a familiar yet foreign boy turning the corner and disappearing from his sight.

'You're here now?'

"Well, I have to leave you here to go change." Jungkook turns back to Hoseok waving goodbye, his mind barely processing the voice as he tries to think of every and any possible reason for seeing an image of a thirty-five-year-old man he once broke all bonds with.

"I'll see you later Jungkookie!" Hoseok's voice snaps Jungkook out of his thoughts and he watches Hoseok go inside a room, leaving Jungkook in the middle of the hallway and glancing back at a person he will never go back to.

A person he will never get to apologize to.

 

---

 

"Hello, ah..."

Jungkook blinks. "Jeon Jungkook."

It's been years since he last had to introduce himself to Bang Sihyuk repeatedly, but it's understandable that with so many trainees, Sihyuk wouldn't remember everyone; especially with how busy he is as the CEO of Bighit.

"Right, I'm sorry Jungkook." Sihyuk takes a seat on one of the chairs by the computer and faces the time traveler with a serious expression. Jungkook knows there's nothing wrong. After years of knowing him, Jungkook knows Sihyuk simply wants to maintain formality. If he were his thirteen-year-old self or his hyungs, he would have been nervous of facing the CEO in fear of getting kicked out. Now, however, Jungkook is sure about his place in the company, although he is a bit worried about how his acts can affect the outcome of BTS.

Will he ever be added into BTS if he shows everything he can do? Will Sihyuk decide that Jungkook is better off going solo? He doesn't want to know, and he can't imagine experiencing fame without his hyungs. The idol life is not something he wants to go through alone.

"I wanted to meet with you to discuss the recording of Paldogangsan and your role in it." Sihyuk laces his hands together while looking Jungkook in the eye. Neither of them break eye contact as he continues speaking. "I also want to discuss what your plans are."

"My plans?" Jungkook asks in palpable confusion. Jungkook has many plans, and they all pertain to his future with BTS. Although they may all be from different aspects of the band, ultimately they are related to the group's success.

"You're a trainee for a reason, Jungkook. I want to know what you had dreamed of becoming when you entered the company."

"I... I don't really have a specific dream. I just want to share my passion for singing with everyone. However, I don't want to do it by myself. Going through fame alone seems overwhelming."

Sihyuk nods, whether in understanding or agreement, Jungkook isn't sure, but he doesn't really care so long as he never has to leave Bangtan behind.

"I'll discuss this further with the staff at a later time then. Right now I want you to record a demo of sorts for Namjoon, Yoongi, and Hoseok." Sihyuk seems to think of something before looking right into Jungkook's eyes. "You'll be singing in between their raps, right?"

The pre-teen shakes his head with a small smile. "I would like to request the others to record this by themselves. After all, I'm not a part of the group and this song could be used to promote BTS before their debut."

While Jungkook could sing in between verses, it doesn't feel right to participate in it. To Jungkook, this is a song that should be performed by only the three rappers of the group. Interfering will only cause the outcome of the group to be different.

The time traveler watches Sihyuk ponder over the idea for a few seconds. "Will you be creating a lead for them?"

"I can try. I can also help them as they record to adjust their voices to the rap and vice versa."

"Then, let's begin recording the lead."

 

---

 

Jungkook yawns while slowly making his way through the empty halls towards the dance room. Despite having the time to sleep more than five hours a day, and following the agreement he made with Hoseok, it's hard to fall asleep and break his habit of sleepless nights.

"Are you even sleeping? Or did I make an agreement just to get the same results from you?"

Frightened, Jungkook tenses up and turns to meet Hoseok's disapproving gaze on him. Having seen that look before (and receiving it in his past life more than he can count) Jungkook puts up the smile he knows will ease his hyung's anger.

"I just didn't sleep well last night."

Hoseok looks him up and down with a critical eye before deciding, "You're not dancing today."

"Hyung!"

"Don't even try Jungkookie. I won't be responsible for you if you faint, or worse," Hoseok looks mildly horrified for a second before he continues to walk down the hall, ignoring Jungkook's protests.

Not able to help it, Jungkook pouts as he trails after Hoseok. It's rather hard getting used to the minimal and almost unnecessary scolding's. Jungkook constantly finds himself expecting a hit that never comes, and a yell he never hears. It's strange, but it reminds Jungkook that what he expects are images of another life that he will not come across with again.

"Oh. I think there's someone in here?" Jungkook's pout disappears as he walks closer to the door that Hoseok peeks into. Once Jungkook sees the figure of a boy dancing contemporary he tries to blink away tears resurfacing with the memories of someone he's tried to seek forgiveness from.

"Let's go in," Hoseok whispers from above him, "Do you think he'll want to join us?"

Jungkook shrugs, not trusting his voice to stay even as he steps away from the door and let Hoseok go through first. In another life, Jungkook only broke one bond out of misunderstanding. He and Jimin had gotten along well despite the constant meaningless bickering and lack of respectful titles Jungkook had to use but refused to. Later on, Jimin became important to him, going as far as knowing Jungkook's well-kept secret.

Jimin's was the only friendship that hadn't broken when the rest of his hyungs had pushed Jungkook away. The only regret that Jungkook has with Jimin is not having trusted the hyung that loved and cared for him like the baby brother he was. It was the mistrust and misunderstanding that drove Jungkook away and caused him to ignore the attempts that Jimin made to mend their friendship.

It wasn't until Jungkook was in the past that he realized how big of an idiot he was and how he wishes to apologize to the man.

"Sorry, uh... you can keep practicing! We just wanted to know if you would like to join us in the mornings when we practice!" Jungkook hears Hoseok ask from behind the door. He watches Hoseok's back and can almost imagine (a much older) Jimin looking at the seventeen-year-old with confusion and fright.

"We?" Comes a soft and timid voice that Jungkook has long forgotten of.

"Yeah, me and– where did you go Jungkookie?" Hoseok turns around and spots Jungkook daydreaming before grabbing his arm and yanking him inside the dance room. With an embarrassing noise of surprise, the preteen stumbles inside and glares at the oldest brunet. Hoseok ignores him and introduces them before asking the same question to a bewildered Jimin that is much younger than the last time Jungkook saw him.

"I won't be in your way?"

"No!" Jungkook suddenly yells, ignoring the flinching from both Hoseok and Jimin as he tries to reassure the insecure dancer. "It would just be us three helping each other improve our dancing."

"O-okay."

"We also don't ask just anyone to join us. You're a good dancer. Be proud of your dancing." Jungkook gives Jimin his famous bunny smile which has the boy smile back just as brightly.

"Ah! Now I have two adorable boys I can dote on." Jungkook blushes as Hoseok pinches his cheeks and coos at him. Jungkook tries to convince himself that this was not dearly missed, still, he finds himself preening under the attention.

Jimin laughs at him from behind Hoseok who still has yet to let go of his cheeks and seems like he never will.

'You're next.' He mouths out to Jimin who instantly looks equal parts mortified and suspicious.

Of course, Hoseok wouldn't do that to someone he's just met, but soon enough, it won't just be Jungkook getting rosy cheeks.

 

Jungkook is bewildered as he stares at Sihyuk with a pout. It's not his intention to pout, but it seems to be a go-to reaction whenever he's thoroughly confused and trying to make sense of what is happening around him.

“Um… What?” Is his unintelligent response. In his defense, this is not part of his agenda.

“I have a meeting with the staff and they agree that you will be a good addition to BTS. I have been planning to make it a group with vocalists, however, it will still focus on the rappers.”

Jungkook frowns at the words. The group will become an idol group like every other Korean group there is, no matter what. Jungkook knows that's going to happen, and knows the outcome of this decision, but that doesn’t mean the thought still doesn't unsettle him. Namjoon and Yoongi had worked hard and invested their time into this group thinking that it would become something similar to Epik High or MFBTY. He remembers the first time he ever met them after joining. The annoyance at becoming an idol group. Tiny, naïve Jungkook, introduced as a vocalist, and to top it all off, years younger than the other two. When he joined, it cemented the future of BTS as an idol group, and not the rap group it was initially planned to be. Jungkook wonders if they ever suspected what the group would become once Hoseok joined --a dancer with no prior experience in rapping. If anything, BTS was already on the road to becoming an idol group.

“Do the others know?” Jungkook looks Sihyuk in the eye --which he never would have done if he was actually thirteen because Sihyuk can be very intimidating. “They should know if you haven’t told them. I don’t mind joining, and they might not either because I can rap, but I think you should explain to them your idea. That way they don’t get the idea that BTS will be an idol group. Or feel betrayed when you introduce trainees that are only vocalists.”

Sihyuk looks mildly surprised at the lack of respect Jungkook has, but he also looks as though he's pondering over his words, which is good. At least he thinks it is.

“You’ve brought on a good point. I’ll try to meet with all of you to explain the plans I have set up with the staff. You will also do well to respect your elders.”

“Oh. Sorry.” Jungkook blushes at his slip up. He's so used to talking to Sihyuk with familiarity when pitching in ideas for the rookie groups debuting after BTS’ unofficial disbandment that he forgot he's speaking to an alternate Sihyuk from a younger version of himself.

“I’m glad you’ll join BTS. Seeing as you’re very well rounded, you will make a very nice addition to the group.” Jungkook nods in an attempt at respecting Sihyuk as he continues speaking.

“I will be late to the recording for Hoseok later today, but I trust that you can lead Hoseok. Despite being quite young, you are very knowledgeable.” Sihyuk sends a smile at Jungkook --that he returns-- and the two continue discussing their plans for Hoseok’s portion of the song up until Sihyuk has to leave for a meeting and Jungkook to his vocal lessons.

 

---

 

“You look… better.” Is the first thing Jungkook says when Hoseok walks inside the recording studio.

He actually looks dead, but Hoseok doesn't have a fever anymore so he's free to do whatever he wants. This means Jungkook can't put Hoseok back to bed if he doesn't have a legitimate argument to do so.

“I know I look like shit, Jungkook.”

The pre-teen grimaces, watching Hoseok plop himself on the couch. He looks to be one with the couch with how much he sinks into it, exhaustion settling deeply over the dancer as he closes his eyes and lets himself sag.

“You shouldn’t curse in front of me, hyung. I’m thirteen.”

“I’m not buying your aegyo shit, Jungkook.” Hoseok looks up to see Jungkook frowning and looking annoyed, not at all trying to look cute like he did a few days ago. Hoseok tilts his head to the side in question. “Does it really bother you that much?”

Jungkook nods, looking away towards the computer screen as Hoseok’s gaze lingers on his back in concern and confusion. Jungkook usually doesn't mind cursing --he didn’t care the last time he was actually thirteen- but throughout his adulthood, he's come to despise cursing. Every time he hears a curse word he expects his hyungs to start yelling --or throw punches, as he's become accustomed to since he turned 25. His Hoseok was never one to hit, but each sentence spoken always carried a well-placed curse that would reduce Jungkook to tears. While it's expected that Yoongi curses the most, he rarely ever used them, thinking that it makes his points lose value. Hoseok, on the other hand, always cursed, no matter how he felt. It was simply a part of his everyday vocabulary.

Jungkook hates it, but he'll learn to tolerate it as best he can.

“Bang PD-nim isn’t here yet, but I can start explaining your rap style to you.” Jungkook takes a deep breath and faces Hoseok again, hoping his hyung will let go of the topic and never force Jungkook to talk about it.

“Okay.” Hoseok nods for Jungkook to speak, anticipating his opinions.

“You’re a hip-hop dancer.”

Hoseok blinks. “Yeah…?” He isn’t sure where Jungkook is going with this.

“This means you know how to move to the rhythm of rap songs.” Jungkook is aware that Hoseok did not try rapping prior to joining BTS, so he's going to need a lot of guidance. After many years of watching Hoseok, he's come to realize that Hoseok moves his whole body with each line, word, and syllable made. Hoseok is unique within the rap world. He isn't sophisticated and confident like Namjoon, nor is he aggressively passionate like Yoongi. Hoseok is always a rapper in progress with his laidback voice but powerful presence. His Hoseok always changed voice tones to experiment with the flow of his raps. It became a skill that Jungkook admires in both Hoseok --and Jimin because as a singer, changing the tone of a song he’s rehearsed in a certain style could affect the feel of the song entirely, and it’s not always in a good way.

“I want you to think of rapping like you're dancing,” Jungkook explains simply, moving his body as he speaks the next words with rhythm. “Experiment with the tones of your voice, move if you have to, even if it’s to get a feel of the song as you rap.” Jungkook lowers his arms and watches Hoseok drink in the words.

“On stage, rapping isn’t just about rapping fast and rhyming every other sentence. You have an audience to hype up, and you have the advantage of dancing. I think you’ll be very good at getting the audience to their feet if you move along with your rap, or rap along with your movements.”

Hoseok seems to ponder over it, his hands twitching as though he were feeling the potential he has. Jungkook is satisfied with how eager Hoseok seems to find a way to improve his skills.

“Just like I told Namjoon, You’re very similar to your Jeolla dialect. Actually, you’re more of a trap rapper.”

Hoseok looks on in confusion.

“Uh… Think of popping, the dance style. Trap is similar to popping. The only difference is that it’s using your voice, rather, than, your, body.” Jungkook tries to demonstrate at the end of his sentence while doing some popping movements. “I’m not that good at trap, but you kind of get the point, no?” Hoseok nods pensively with a small smile on his lips.

“We can practice your rapping when we dance, and for Paldogangsan, I want you to experiment with your voice before we actually record the final version, where you’ll try to imitate the way I rap your parts, but with your own flare.”

“Wow, with you explaining it I feel more confident in rapping --or how I’m gonna rap, at least.” Hoseok gives him a wide smile that Jungkook returns with colored cheeks.

“I feel really invested in this group. I really think BTS will go far. We just need time to polish up our skills.”

Hoseok raises an eyebrow at Jungkook. “Our?”

“Oh.” Jungkook blinks sitting in silence with Hoseok as they stare at each other. “I… I don't know if I can say… I -I’m a part of BTS?”

Hoseok continues to stare at Jungkook as he fumbles with the end of his shirt. “It's not very official yet. A week or so ago, PD-nim asked me about my plans and mentioned he would talk to the staff about me. Earlier today he said I'm part of the group.”

Hoseok doesn't say a thing for a while, and Jungkook is mildly worried over being rejected until he speaks up quietly, a smile on his lips as he looks down at his hands. “You'll be really good… as a solo artist too. You're really talented.”

Jungkook grimaces. He doesn't like how it sounds coming out of Hoseok's mouth, as though it hurts to admit that Jungkook will be successful whichever path he decides to take.

“I don't want to be a solo artist,” Jungkook argues. “I don't think I would be able to mentally go through that experience and not come out broken in one form or another.”

“What if being in the group hurts you more?” (“What if we’re not good enough for you and hinder your growth?” His hyungs argue as Jungkook sits in tears, desperately trying to make his hyungs see reason before they decide to end their contracts. “You should have just been a solo artist. At least then it wouldn’t hurt to hear that we’re just a burden to you.”)

Jungkook blinks before he's assaulted with more memories of the tears he's cried and the relationships he ended. He recalls the secrets he kept and masks he put on in front of the camera. The idol life will take its toll on him whether he has support or not. Fame has no mercy for the weak minded and Jungkook has both first and second-hand experience with it. He's watched fame strip his hyungs of their innocence and turn them into greedy and broken men. He himself was stripped down to a mess on a bathroom floor as rumors and fame took advantage of their weak state. There is never a guarantee that Jungkook will be fine staying with the group, but he feels as though he has better chances of coping in a healthy way --or healthier than he did in his previous life.

“I'll take my chances,” Jungkook answers honestly. He came back for a reason and he'll be damned if he doesn't grasp this opportunity with two desperate hands. “It's better to have people to support me, no? And it's nice sharing achievements with people who have the same dream.”

“You're not a normal kid Jungkook,” Hoseok comments with a teasing smile. Jungkook mentally agrees with Hoseok. He's the product of the Korean entertainment industry. He was raised inside it at an age where he was most influenced to grow into expectations. Jungkook wasn't a normal kid since the very beginning. He is not a Jungkook that grew up into his own personality before going through fame. He is a Jungkook that was also BTS. He grew up with the ideals of his hyungs. He is similar to them all in his likes, dislikes, his personality, and his habits because everything he does he learned from BTS.

That will probably be helpful in getting his hyungs to like him. He can relate to them in some way and they might be able to sense that. In a way, Jungkook ties his group together. They all helped to raise him, and maybe they struggled to disband because they all had one thing that connected them and that was Jungkook who has a piece of each of them in his personality. His hyungs probably felt as though they couldn't easily leave him --they were bound to him just like Jungkook's lack of self-acceptance derived from being bound to a person he loves.

“My hyungs used to say I was a weird one.” Hoseok doesn't question the statement, but he looks at Jungkook with sad eyes while the pre-teen smiles softly as nostalgia and longing sweeps over him.

 

---

 

“Am I getting better at this?” Jimin asks Jungkook while they take a break to eat lunch.

“At what?” Jungkook asks through a mouthful of rice. He's so confused at how serious Jimin looks when just seconds ago they were laughing at a memory of Hoseok --or at Hoseok.

“Dancing… and becoming a better Jimin as you said.” Jimin looks at the floor, almost embarrassed at his words. Jungkook stares in contemplation. Even though Jimin is doubting himself, this is still some sort of progress and Jungkook is happy with Jimin’s effort of improving his confidence.

“Well, you just have to practice… and try to have confidence in yourself.” Jungkook picks up a piece of fish before adding, “That’s what I did to accept myself.”

Jimin stares at Jungkook in curiosity but doesn't inquire further. He's probably scared of overstepping some sort of boundaries seeing as they aren't really friends yet. It makes Jungkook sad, but it isn’t like he's doing any better at getting close with him either. He can't help but compare this relationship with Jimin to the one with his Jimin.

They still tiptoe around each other, afraid of overstepping barriers they each placed. This time, however, Jungkook is afraid of saying too much. He's scared that his words can be used against him like they once were. This is justified too. Jungkook is much older than Jimin --mentally, at least-- which gives him more experience and knowledge about himself. He knows what he likes and what his limits are; knows the kind of person he is even if he couldn't fully embrace it in the past with how conservative Korea and the entertainment industry is. Jungkook knows that this Jimin will accept him, but that's a Jimin that loved him unconditionally for the decade and a half they knew each other.

This naive Jimin might not feel as though he should accept him. This Jimin isn’t as knowledgeable as the older one and can reject Jungkook. It frightens him to the core that revealing his preference can impact the relationships he has with his hyungs --both the ones he already has and the ones he will.

That same fright and hesitance makes this newfound friendship feel so familiar to the one he once had with his Jimin. That relationship was created through misunderstanding, it wounded and mocked Jungkook. After pouring his heart out to his Jimin, his trust in the older man broke after one interview that made all of Jungkook’s doubts and insecurities rise to the surface and question his hyungs genuine acceptance to his sexuality. That Jimin was worried over accidentally hurting Jungkook with his words that he decided to have minimal contact with Jungkook and apologize whenever Jungkook was available for a few seconds. (Jungkook would walk away as soon as he saw Jimin near him.)

“It takes a while, loving yourself and stuff. When you actually get there though, It’s nice.” Jimin nods, but his face scrunches up in mild confusion. Jungkook picks a clump of rice and eats it, then gnaws on the end of his metal chopsticks as he tries to think of a way to further explain his point. This is a fifteen-year-old he's talking to, and while teenagers aren’t dumb, his hyungs have their own brand of stupidity at times (Jungkook reluctantly includes himself after mild contemplation).

“It’s hard at first. I --uh, a hyung of mine used to despise himself. He would try hard to get rid of whatever made him --him, I guess? He actually fell into the expectations of other people for some time. He starved himself, and would sometimes resort to throwing up if he was forced to eat.” Jungkook takes in a deep breath, trying to rid the image of Jimin curling up against the toilet, throwing up with tears streaming down his face and murmurs of self hate slipping past his lips in the dead of night.

“He was never satisfied with himself. Others loved him; praised him, and he soaked up the attention, but he was never once satisfied with who he had become. Eventually, his friends helped him out and he grew to accept himself. He didn’t love himself and wasn’t overly happy, but he was content and that made everything better.” Jungkook looks over at Jimin and watches his head hang in shame, probably wondering if he would have been like that at some point in the future.

“I don’t want you to be like that.” Jungkook smiles softly. “I didn’t want to be like that either.”

“What did you hate about yourself?” Jimin asks quietly. Jungkook pauses for a brief moment, his piece of fish slipping from his chopsticks right before he regains his composure.

“Uh…” Jungkook glances at Jimin who looks back in curiosity and hesitance. “You don’t care about people’s preferences to whatever, right?”

“Not really. If it doesn’t have anything against me, then I don’t care much about what people like.” Jimin shrugs. He continues to patiently wait for Jungkook to speak again, this time with a small smile on his face. The smile looks suspiciously like a knowing one. It's similar to the smiles that Jungkook received whenever his hyung knew that Jungkook pulled a prank and was lying about it.

“Uh, well… I like guys?”

“Are you asking me?”

“No?” Jungkook looks away at his answer, feeling a lot like the time he first told Jimin in his twenty-four-year-old body. It seems like a decade made no difference to change Jimin’s calm acceptance. It did, however, make Jungkook more hesitant to say anything. More bashful.

“I had a friend who was lesbian, ya’know.” Jimin smiles kindly to Jungkook, trying to make the younger boy comfortable. The preteen raises his head to stare at Jimin because no, he didn’t know that at all. If he knew, then he wouldn’t have hesitated to tell Jimin in both lifetimes. Jungkook wants to curse his dumb twenty-four-year-old self for never thinking of asking Jimin if he ever met someone from the LGBTQ community. (He adds Jimin into the cursing just because).

“Well, now I feel like an idiot for worrying.”

Jimin only laughs and takes a piece of fish.

 

---

 

2025

(“Why have you been so silent? Since the interview, you haven't been talking to me like you always do.”

Jungkook turns around to face Jimin, watching him pour water into a glass and drink. It hurts more than he anticipated. Although, it isn't as though he knew it would happen, so it just hurts. Very painfully. He doesn't want to look at the man who made him feel humiliated in front of a camera. He doesn't like the feeling of being mocked.

“I trusted you, but apparently I was wrong to do so.”

Jimin holds his glass of water tightly, not meeting Jungkook's eyes.

“It's just an interview. You know we lie when we need to.”

“We say half-truths,” Jungkook whispers, but Jimin hears it and moves to set his glass down on the countertop. “How do I know you didn't say your true thoughts about me?”

Jimin sighs and reaches over to cup Jungkook's cheek. “I have no control over what I can or can't say, and you know that, Jungkookie. The managers would have my ass if I even think of mentioning the word gay. We have so many rumors at the moment and the smallest mistake could affect the band negatively.”

“There's no use lying anymore. It can't get worse than it is now. We're disbanding either way.” Jungkook feels Jimin rub his thumb to wipe away the tears. “I'm tired of this.” He says softly while looking down at their feet.

“Jungkookie, h-”

“Do you promise that it was a lie?”

“I promise.” Jimin cups Jungkook's other cheek and plants a kiss to his forehead like he always does when Jungkook needs comfort.

“Do you trust me?”

A moment's hesitation is all Jungkook needs to shake Jimin's hands away and duck his head.

“I do. I trust all of you like because I have no one else that I love as much as you hyungs. I'll trust you even if none of you trust me.”

When he glances at Jimin he sees the hurt on his face and can't help but feel satisfaction at the reaction. Then he feels guilty because he doesn't like the look of hurt on his hyungs no matter how much he wants them to feel his pain. “That's not why I--"

“No, it's okay.”

“It's not.”

“To me it is.” His voice wavers but is louder than it was a few moments ago. “I can't force you to trust me. Especially with all the fighting and taking sides that's going on lately.” Jungkook turns around and pushes away Jimin's arm when it reaches out for him.

“I don't mind not having any support. It's always been just me against my hyungs. I'll be okay with only the fake affection shown on camera.”)

 

Jungkook stares at the lyrics in front of him, realizing the paper crinkled up from the tears he had no idea he was crying. He looks up and stares at the wall of his shared room, ignoring the sounds around him of the other trainees he can't bother to remember the names of. He hopes he can move into BTS's dorm soon. At least then he won't feel like a stranger. His pencil taps the paper until he finally looks down and writes the last line for Yoongi's rap verse.

‘I'll forget you

because it will hurt less than resenting you.’

 

Jungkook has no idea how to approach Yoongi when the time comes to help him record. Yoongi will most likely dislike being taught by someone four years younger than him let alone a kid that's going to change the type of group BTS will become.

Jungkook sighs as he stands in front of the door to the recording studio. He's nervous, and it's because Yoongi is the hardest person to get along with. Jungkook isn't used to talking to him --fuck, it's been six years since they talked and that was after an argument (the first of many) that they never resolved.

Despite coming from the future, his knowledge doesn't seem to help him with small things like talking. Jungkook hates this.

With a sigh, he opens the door and is greeted with the sight of Yoongi and Sihyuk in front of the computer, listening intently to the recorded parts of Namjoon and Hoseok.

“Uh… Hi.” Jungkook waves and walks over to the couch, taking a seat and letting his body get swallowed up in it because he doesn't want to do this anymore. It's awkward enough as it is just being in Yoongi's presence and now Jungkook has to worry about their non-existent friendship.

Yoongi waves, but his attention is still on the music that fills the small room. Now that Jungkook thinks about it, he should really start becoming friends with both Namjoon and Yoongi if he's going to be a part of the group. That's going to be a challenge though.

“Hoseok improved,” Sihyuk comments, standing up straight from his hunched form on the desk. He grabs a chair on the side and sits down on it as Yoongi sits on the other end of the couch. Jungkook glances towards Yoongi, taking note of the distance between them, and pouts.

 

(“Sit there, Namjoon.” Jungkook hears a raspy voice say. He watches as Yoongi maneuvers Namjoon to sit next to him and then pulls Jimin and Hoseok to take the other spaces on the couch before Jungkook can even think of sitting there. He glances at Yoongi and receives a scowl before the purple-haired man turns towards the interviewer.)

 

“What did you help Hoseok with when I wasn't there?”

Jungkook shifts on the couch before answering. “I told him what we discussed and added that he was more suited to trap. I think I said something right because he looked more confident while recording.” Jungkook hums in thought before adding, “I gave him a few examples as best as I could and told him we could practice when dancing in the mornings.”

“Practice in the mornings?”

“Uh… I spend my mornings in the dance studio with Hoseok hyung and another trainee named Jimin. We help each other with dance and stuff.” Stuff, as in, Jungkook watching his hyungs make a fool of themselves by dancing to girl groups. Or force-feeding his hyungs some breakfast.

“Ah.” Sihyuk glances toward Yoongi. “Well,  let's get started on Yoongi.”

Jungkook sinks into the couch some more, hoping to get swallowed by it.

 

---

 

Jungkook walks down the streets of Seoul, hoping to make it to the convenience store before lunchtime with Jimin came around. While he doesn't have a big allowance, Jungkook did live half of his life on budgets and knows how to manage his money and save on foods. (Not counting the time he thought that living like a college student was cool). This means he has enough for the occasional snack that he probably isn't supposed to eat due to his diet. Fame really did nothing to change his cheap spending habits, which was why he had millions saved up as an adult.

Jungkook hums on the road, glancing at the other trainees that are either on a lunch break or making their way to the building to practice. Some of the trainees he recognizes are background dancers or trainees that move companies and became idols themselves. A few of them smile at him because they worked with him before during dance lessons or because they recognize him as a trainee. It makes Jungkook feel weird because he's so used to getting mobbed or having people recognize him and yell in surprise and happiness. Casual greetings like this make him feel more human, less of a spectacle, and more like a friend or acquaintance.

He isn't sure if the weird feeling is because he misses the idol life or the normal teenage life he's supposed to have.

While he takes note of every trainee he ever encountered in his previous life, he spots a familiar face that probably isn't supposed to be here yet. Squinting, Jungkook sees the lean body of a college student that gained the attention of a BigHit manager once upon a time. However, with Jungkook messing up the timeline, the chances of Seokjin getting scouted are slim. So the next best thing is befriending Seokjin. The problem is how.

Seokjin walks toward him, presumably out of the convenience store if the plastic bag is any indication. He's distracted by something on his phone so he can't really see Jungkook staring at him like a lunatic, or notice that he's being looked at by other teenagers he passes by. Despite being younger than Jungkook is used to seeing him, he still has his good looks, even if there's some baby fat. Jungkook can see why the managers in his past life scouted him in the first place. They saw a pretty face with potential.

Once Seokjin is a few feet away, Jungkook suddenly has the idea that bumping into Seokjin is the only way he can approach the teen. It isn't Jungkook's brightest idea, but he has to make do with what he has.

In hindsight though, he should have expected that Seokjin would be wary of a kid telling him to join an agency just because he's good-looking and has 'potential’ to be a great singer. (While it is true, Seokjin isn't ignorant or delusional and Jungkook should have remembered that this is the boy that rejected going to SM Entertainment once upon a time.)

“You can make your parents proud if you debut as an artist.” Jungkook tries to stay in step with Seokjin but the teen is five years older and therefore has longer legs. Seokjin remains silent, probably thinking about the offer. Or how to get rid of Jungkook –-that's usually the train of thought his hyungs have when he's annoying them.

They walk in silence until Jungkook speaks up again, feeling slightly guilty to be saying this, but if it convinces Seokjin to join BigHit, then it's worth the one-minute guilt creeping through his veins.

“I'm sure your mom would love to brag about her son becoming an idol. Wouldn't that be great? Children love to make their parents proud, and love to give their moms a chance to brag about their children's accomplishments.” Jungkook glances to his side and watches Seokjin blink. He slows down his walking while Jungkook looks up at the man he remembers loved him like his own child.

“You don't have to make a decision now.” Seokjin looks down at him –-and wasn't that weird, being looked down on-– with a thoughtful look on his face. “I have hyungs that are getting prepared to debut --I am too, but we're still looking for more people to join. You might have a chance at joining if you try.”

“I'll think about it.”

Jungkook sends Seokjin a wide smile at the words and happily gives Seokjin his number, ignoring the blush on the teen's cheeks when he doesn't stop showing his bunny smile. (And Jungkook knows the effect it has on his hyungs, he's exploited that weakness in his past life to get away with all the pranks he'd pull. Just one well-placed smile had the men enamored with him and coddling him like a baby –-even though Jungkook pretended to hate it). The answer isn't a reassurance that Seokjin will join BigHit, but Jungkook met him a year earlier than he's supposed to, so he has time to convince Seokjin to join. At least it gives Jungkook reassurance that Seokjin will consider the offer.

“I'll see you around then, I have to go get snacks for my hyungs.” Jungkook waves goodbye and is on his way to the convenience store again. He's too happy to care that there's a good chance Seokjin will never speak to him again as he did to a famous entertainment agency in another life.

Jungkook will be damned if BTS debuts without a vital member of the group.

 

---

 

“You look way too happy right now, Jungkookie,” Hoseok comments from beside Jimin as they watch Jungkook enter the mini-cafeteria. Jungkook simply flashes a smile at his hyungs and sets the bag of treats in front of them. The contents spill over and he watches in satisfaction as the glee on their faces became more and more evident.

“Did you just spend your allowance on snacks?!” Hoseok practically screeches out, most likely thinking that Jungkook is an irresponsible individual. (And the actual thirteen-year-old was irresponsible, but thirty-three-year-old Jungkook knows how to manage money.)

“I saved up my money for a few weeks. I call it my 'do-whatever-you-want money.” Jungkook shrugs and reaches inside the bag to pull out a snack and toss it to Jimin. “I know we're on a diet, but what're a few calories every other month?”

Jimin nods like it's the wisest advice in the world while Hoseok raises an eyebrow at the boy.

“How much did you spend?”

“Well, I still have a few thousand won, plus the allowance for this week.”

Hoseok narrows his eyes at the maknae.

“Hyung, I know how to manage my money.” Jungkook hears a 'you better’ before Hoseok reaches over to take a bag of chips. Jungkook watches in satisfaction as Jimin eats to his heart's content. He's checking how many calories each thing has, which is good in Jungkook's opinion as long as Jimin isn't too focused on keeping a strict diet that relies on starvation.

“How'd it go with Yoongi hyung?” Hoseok asks once Jungkook takes a seat in front of them.

“It was okay,” Jungkook replies back, not knowing what to say exactly. It didn't go as bad as Jungkook was expecting, but it was still rather awkward for the time traveler. He couldn’t seem to let go of the memories he had with Yoongi and it bothered him to no end. The memories prevent Jungkook from getting along with Yoongi, but he wants to get to know the teen. He wants to repay the older male for helping Seokjin raise a selfish bratty version of him. Their guidance and lessons helped Jungkook become someone better. It could have gone so wrong for Jungkook had the group as a whole not taken the time to raise him and get him out of bad habits that could have destroyed him at a young age. Jungkook is forever grateful to have hyungs who wanted the best for him and taught him how to differentiate right from wrong. So now he wants to become someone that Yoongi --and the other hyungs-- can rely on despite their age differences. Jungkook has to take baby steps, though. Especially after suggesting the man should sing.

 

(After explaining the small improvements that Yoongi can do to his rapping, he decides to add on a bit more. “You can also work on your singing. It might prove useful when you record demos or something like that.”

Yoongi raises an eyebrow. “Singing? I can’t sing.”

“I’m just saying, hyung. You don’t have to be the best singer, but at least knowing the basics can help you when you need them.”

“Fine,” Yoongi grumbles out, and Jungkook flashes him his signature bunny smile.)

 

Jungkook groans at the memory of giving Yoongi tips on singing. At the time he was much too happy at not being told off by the older teen that he's just now feeling the embarrassment of the moment.

Hoseok makes a weird face that morphs into one of amusement after Jungkook says, “I gave Yoongi hyung tips on singing.”

Jimin --who doesn't understand what's going on or who Yoongi is-- watches Hoseok laugh as Jungkook continues to groan both at his own stupidity and Hoseok’s never-ending teasing that’s bound to plague him for the next three lifetimes.

“It was just a suggestion! Hyung --stop laughing!”

Jimin giggles at the scene before him as Jungkook pounces on Hoseok in order to shut him up.

“Oh! I wish I was there!” Hoseok wheezes out, holding onto Jungkook’s thin wrists so he doesn't get hit by accident. “I bet his reaction was priceless!”

“He didn’t make any weird faces!” Jungkook resorts to throwing his whole weight on Hoseok who still will not shut up --dammit hyung! “All he did was take in the suggestion --or ignore me, I don’t know, but --shut up!”

“Geeze, stop being so disrespectful Jungkookie, I’m --what? Three years older than you?” Hoseok finally stops laughing and turns to face Jungkook who is inches away and limp on top of him. He makes a face and pushes Jungkook lightly. “Get off, Jungkookie, you’re not that light.”

“Well, thanks for calling me fat.” Jungkook moves to get up and playfully shoves Hoseok. Hoseok frowns at the pre-teen.

“You’re not fat.”

Jungkook glances at Jimin as if asking ‘is he stupid?’ before turning back to the oldest dancer. “That was sarcasm, hyung.”

“I didn’t know you knew such a thing existed.”

Jimin opens a bag of seaweed and laughs at the offended look on Jungkook's face.

August 2011

“Why aren't you taking part in the recording? We could really use your voice.” Jungkook turns to face Namjoon, not knowing how to respond. On one hand, participating in the recording will alter this timeline and maybe change the outcome of their dynamics. On the other, Jungkook feels like he’s intruding. There's just a feeling of wrongness in thinking about having a part in the song.

“I just feel as though you three should do it yourselves.”

“Why? We have you in the group now.” Yoongi questions as though accusing Jungkook of wrongdoing. Jungkook doesn't like that. Doesn't like to be treated like he's the villain. He’s had enough of that and frankly, he feels the urge to punch Yoongi in the face like he once did a few years ago (or a few years from now?) But he's trying to avoid conflict, so he pushes that urge away and focuses on the question.

“It just doesn’t feel right.” Jungkook shrugs, cringing on the inside at the wording. Is it selfish to want things to go exactly the same all because it's familiar to Jungkook? --because its predictable for Jungkook and easier to distinguish when the attitudes of his hyungs start taking a turn for the worst? He wants things to be similar so he can see the difference between the attitudes of these boys compared to the men he left behind. He wants to see how his advice shapes his hyungs into better people, almost as if he were the one raising his hyungs. However, nothing will change if he doesn't make some type of adjustment to the events. It won't hurt to add an extra voice, and the feeling in his gut will probably ease as the events pass by.

“If you really want me to, I can sing the chorus.”

Namjoon nods in agreement, glancing at Yoongi to hear his opinion as though Namjoon needs the reassurance of a hyung to know what is a good option or not. Jungkook furrows his eyebrows slightly. He isn’t sure if Namjoon is the temporary leader or the official leader, but acting this way when making a decision isn’t very good. He looks doubtful, easily amenable to the wishes of people older than him. It will be bad for Namjoon to stay that way; bringing trouble for the group when making crucial decisions about workload or concepts that they may not like or feel comfortable with. Namjoon has to learn to hold his own against those with authority. He also has to learn to speak with those who aren't older than him. Hoseok, while he doesn't know much about rapping, will need to speak up about his opinions on a matter. If he doesn't say anything, or if Namjoon doesn't care to ask him, then misunderstandings can arise and bring about conflicts that Jungkook is trying to avoid.

“I’ll try to get them to accept you in the song.” Jungkook doesn't ask who ‘them’ is because he knows it's just the producers and Sihyuk who can (un)approve an idea. Jungkook is sure they won't refuse to add him. Sihyuk even asked him if he was going to participate in Paldogangsan when he recorded the demo a while back. Jungkook isn’t cocky, he just knows that his addition to the song will be beneficial. It will help the rappers keep their breath by taking over the chorus. He might even have the chance to help them through the beginning stages of the idol life. Interviews can be a bitch if you don't know when you're saying too much or not enough.

“Does that mean Jungkook has to re-record the chorus?” Namjoon asks, tilting his head to the side while looking at Yoongi.

Yoongi ponders over it, glancing between Jungkook, Namjoon, and the computer next to him. “I think we can add our voices to the chorus so it doesn’t sound too bland. Jungkook wouldn’t need to re-record anything that way.”

“Please do that, hyung.” Jungkook sinks into the couch, feeling exhausted over this situation. He almost doesn't know what to do. “I’m kinda tired of recording this song.”

That earns him a few chuckles, and a small smile makes its way to his face. He can worry about messing up events at a later date; right now he's content.

 

---

 

(“Sorry Jungkookie, I have a meeting with the others and won’t be able to practice this morning with you and Jimin.”)

 

Jungkook sighs for the umpteenth time that morning. It's just him in the dance room, waiting for something to happen because Jimin and Hoseok won't be able to make it to practice. He stares at the reflection in the big mirrors; a small boy hunching over in exhaustion. He has yet to warm up and he doesn’t feel like starting anytime soon, so he’s just sitting here. Waiting and thinking.

Moments like this remind him of his future. The days he shut himself out from the world and spent his time in the dance room. In those days he waited for an end or a beginning and thought of what ifs and could haves.

Staring at his reflection --he's so small, chubby cheeks, Bambi eyes, and a too big nose he will later grow into-- he tries to recall any type of memory that can let him know why he's in the past (or an alternate universe) like an action or wish he made before he was sent through time. All he can really think about, however, are the struggles he had when trying to get his hyungs to fix their problems.

At some point in their career, group meetings weren't enough to solve problems between members. In fact, they only gave the members a chance to really let themselves go and insult or hit like there was no tomorrow.

Jungkook always watched them fight because intervening only made his hyungs turn their attention to him and further elaborate on their thoughts. Jungkook came to despise those group meetings. He always came out of the room with tears in his eyes and a bruise forming on his pale skin --either from gaining his hyungs anger or from a stray punch or object he didn't have time to avoid. Jungkook is secretly glad that those meetings were called off once he turned twenty-six.

By then, Jungkook didn't get along with them as the friends and family he considers them to be. He did try though. He spent months trying to mend his relationships with them. He talked, bought them things on special occasions and gave them the attention that wasn't considered annoying or made him look like a brat. He also tried apologizing even if he wasn't the one at fault.

Eventually, he gave up. What's the purpose of mending friendships if the other person wasn't willing to try? It frustrates Jungkook because he's someone that lives off of his hyungs lives. Their happiness is his happiness. Their accomplishments are his and their pain as well. He's connected to them and will never be able to let them go no matter if he desperately wants to (and he doesn't want to).

Burying his face in his too small hands, a shaky breath escapes his lips and he lets tears fall down his cheeks. It doesn't help to remember his past life if he'll only break down at the memories of pain and longing. And Jungkook has no idea how he can continue to love the people that hurt him. He always finds himself longing for a group of men that are so far out of his reach. Even as he watches their young versions enjoy their life as trainees, he finds himself wishing he can have his much older hyungs with him despite their flaws. It's confusing, but he assumed that's what people mean by having a love-hate relationship with someone.

Another sigh leaves Jungkook, choking on a sob as he shakes with the force of his tears. He's suddenly glad that Jimin and Hoseok did not come. Jungkook hasn't cried this hard for a while --since the day he became aware of his time traveling he's tried to keep crying to a minimum. He's tired of crying. He did it so frequently in his previous life and it makes him feel weak and useless. It reminds him that these tears are caused by the painful rejection of his hyungs. The tears are a product of a conversation gone wrong, of secrets kept locked away from the world and a love so strong it hurts when tugged at harshly.

 

(“Are you saying you wouldn't tell us --the people that raised you-- a problem that could affect the whole group?” Jungkook swallows the lump in his throat and tries to croak out an answer through the panic rising in his veins. “Are you saying you don't trust us?!”)

 

Jungkook bites his bottom lip and hugs his legs close, trying to find some sort of comfort to fill up the gap of a body that should be next to his.

 

(“Oh Jungkookie, don't cry, baby.” Jungkook clings tightly to the white jacket in front of him, body shaking with the force of his sobbing. “You'll be fine Jungkookie. You have me; Jiminie hyung. And you have the others too. You just have to say the word and we'll help you with whatever you want."

Jimin holds the crying boy tighter, running his hands through lilac colored hair. “I'll be right here with you. I'll help you explain yourself and I'll help you accept yourself. You just have to trust me.”)

 

Thinking of a time when he used to have it so simple, so easy with the love and support of his hyungs, he wonders why it all crumbled. Why couldn't he mend his relationships with his hyungs?

 

2023

(“Have you figured it out?”

“Yeah. I have.” Jungkook shuts the door behind him and walks up to Jimin who sits on his bed. “I'm okay with myself.”

Jimin smiles sweetly, reaching out a hand to pull Jungkook towards him. The younger man stumbles forward and is wrapped in a hug. “Do you want to tell me what prevented you from accepting yourself?”

Jungkook moves to sit comfortably while in Jimin's firm embrace. He looks up at the only person who know his secret and meets gray eyes. “I like someone.”

“Oh?” Jimin moves one of his hands to play with Jungkook's fading blue hair. “Do you want to tell me who it is?”

“I… Not really.” He mumbles back, resting his head on Jimin's shoulder and basking in the hug. “You might think I'm gross.”

“I wouldn't think you were gross. If you don't want to tell me, then you don't have to. Just know that I care about you, and I'll be right here when you need me.”

“Okay.” Jungkook feels Jimin press a kiss to his hair and he smiles against the pale skin of his hyung. He'll tell Jimin when he's ready. He wants to tell Jimin, have him know everything that Jungkook thinks about. Maybe then he‘ll have the courage to tell the others.)

 

‘I never told Jimin who I love’ Jungkook bitterly muses in his head. His body trembling while he suppresses his sobs. Jungkook may have never confessed, but he remembers writing a letter to his hyungs, letting them know of all the things that make up Jeon Jungkook of Busan, a thirty-year-old man tired of being an idol.

Maybe that led him to the past.

 

Jungkook quietly sits between Namjoon and Hoseok in the conference room, glancing at the staff around them and Sihyuk staring down each of the current members of BTS. Yoongi sits to Namjoon’s left with no expression on his face, but having lived with the man for more than a decade, he can tell the teen is nervous. Namjoon bites his bottom lip next to him, while Hoseok taps his fingers on his leg with a small frown on his face.

Jungkook turns his attention back to Sihyuk who still looks at them with a stern face laced with kindness. Jungkook silently thanks his past self for picking this company because it provides the artist freedom over their music and treats them like the humans and teenagers they are. That doesn't mean that the trainees aren’t scared of meeting the kind and understanding CEO in front of him --or that after the expansion of the company and contract renewals there weren't any restrictions put on them for being public figures across the world. Jungkook sighs, deciding to break the silence and get this meeting over with.

“So… What is it you wanted to tell us?”

The man locks eyes with him and exhales softly before looking over the three rappers. “I called you four today to inform you of the plans that the company has decided for BTS.”

Next to him, Jungkook hears his hyungs let out a small breath of relief, but the tension still remains. “The first thing that will happen is the release of Paldogangsan. There will be auditions around South Korea, and we plan to use Paldogangsan to encourage the youth to audition.”

Namjoon nods hesitantly, a question that Jungkook wants an answer to slipping from his mouth. “Uh… When will it be released?”

“The tenth of this month. In other words, it will be released this upcoming Saturday.” Sihyuk laces his fingers over the table and levels the four with a gaze of slight concern. Jungkook doesn't understand why that expression is on his face, the announcement of something like this should be something great. BTS is about to take its first baby steps, however little, its exposure to the entertainment industry.

However, Paldogangsan isn't supposed to be released for another week or so. Jungkook glances at the others and takes in their surprise and delight. It warms Jungkook seeing them look so happy and proud of themselves for taking their first step into fame. This is their dream and they are slowly getting there. Jungkook just needs to get the other three vocalists in the group and BTS will be ready for their debut (or ready to train for their debut.) He just hopes his interference doesn't affect the opportunity for Jimin, Jin, and Taehyung to join BTS or Bighit.

"Radio and TV interviews are being scheduled for next week.” Jungkook feels his heart drop to his stomach at the announcement. “The four of you will have mock interviews this week to prepare you for any questions that may be asked."

The three rappers nod and Jungkook gives a tight smile, trying to reassure himself that the mock interviews will be enough to prepare his hyungs of the questions that are bound to be asked. (He secretly hopes that these interviews will only ask about the process and not belittle them for whatever reason.)

"I also called you here to discuss the future of BTS."

Jungkook takes a deep breath in, holding it as he watches from the corner of his eyes the way Namjoon and Hoseok tense up slightly. Yoongi isn't visible from where he sat, but Jungkook could guess that the oldest is frowning. Jungkook has an idea about the next words, but the others don't and therefore think the words mean that members will be changed. Or roles.

"The plan is to keep you as a hip hop group. We will continue to focus on rap. However, there will be additions of vocalists, like Jungkook.” There's a breath of relief in the air as Namjoon and Hoseok relax. Jungkook does not move at all, waiting for the catch that will change a lot for the group. “You will also start taking dance lessons."

"What?" Jungkook closes his eyes and lets out a breath, counting until five and not opening his eyes as Yoongi's voice rings in his ears. Jungkook breathes in for another count of five. He can feel his muscles start to tense as the conversation goes on.

"Yoongi, these are simple plans that will allow you to continue rapping. You will essentially become an idol group. The staff and I have discussed this and decided that it would be the best course of action." Sihyuk calmly explains, leveling Yoongi with a stern gaze.

"I came to be a part of a group that focused on rap. I'm not going to become a part of an idol group and start dancing."

"Hyung," Jungkook speaks up. He turns to shoot Yoongi a glare despite the disrespect it shows. “You know that singers will be needed for you three to rap smoothly and save your breath for shows. Hoseok hyung and I can already dance. It would be a waste not to have our skills shown.”

“We already have you to sing. Hell, even Hoseok could do it. With or without you.” Jungkook clenches his hands into fists under the table but remains silent. “What I don’t understand is why we have to suddenly turn into a stupid idol group just to make the music I want to make!”

“Have you thought about what people would think?” Jungkook doesn't back down from the cold gaze that Yoongi gives him. He's had fifteen years of experience to learn how to hold himself in an argument against his hyungs. No matter what age he is, he won’t let someone try to dominate him. (He ignores the memory of an older Yoongi spitting hatred and annoyance onto his vulnerable and naive self.) “Rapping the way you do -and the way you want- is not gonna be widely accepted as pop music and idol groups are. You’ll hate the make-up, dieting, dancing and being an entertainer for people, but all of that will be worth it when your music starts selling.”

Yoongi huffs out a sound, almost like laughter as though he were mocking Jungkook’s words in his head. “That’s just it! I came from the underground scene to sign myself under a label that wouldn’t boss me around and put me into an idol group. Yet here I am, being told that I won’t be in a hip hop group like Epik High, and instead, I’ll have to play dress up!”

“Do you even know if Bang PD-nim is gonna make you wear all of that? Don’t you think that maybe the staff is doing this to ensure that our group becomes successful? They’re trying to make us succeed and if becoming an idol group will ensure that we don’t become a flop, then I’ll take make-up and feminine clothing any day. You should too. At least give it a try before you start opposing the idea.”

Jungkook waits in anticipation for Yoongi to declare his decision. Not once looking away because he knows that Yoongi will see it as having power over Jungkook and the preteen doesn't want to be their mindless minion.

Yoongi glares at him, trying to force Jungkook to back down and essentially 'put him in his place' but Jungkook won't let him. He gazes back just as intently, not wanting to cower behind someone for the age difference between them. He doesn't want to fight, doesn't want to break the small bond he was just starting to build with Yoongi, but he needs to let him know that a change like this will benefit them in the long run. They need variety if they want to succeed in an industry as harsh as this one. He needs Yoongi to be accepting of change because it will happen many times over the course of their career.

Jungkook watches as Yoongi breaks eye contact to face Sihyuk with a small pout of annoyance and resignment. "I'll stick around to see what kind of group this becomes, but I'll leave the moment I don't like it."

Sihyuk nods, eyeing both Yoongi and Jungkook before going into more detail about the group and what their schedule will be like the next few days. The two boys don't talk the rest of the meeting, nor after. Jungkook isn’t sure if it was wise to leave their argument unsolved, but he'll worry about it for the next time he sees Yoongi. At least then they’ll both have cooled off enough to talk without getting defensive.

 

---

 

Jungkook kicks a rock as he makes his way back to the company building, excited to give Jimin and Hoseok lunch he knows they're going to love. He pauses as he thinks about how much of a mother-hen he's become when it should be the other way around. However, Jungkook doesn’t need anyone to mother him, and he feels at ease being able to help his hyungs –-even if it involves force-feeding them.

“Uh, Jungkook?”

The boy snaps out of his thoughts and turns towards the voice next to him. He looks up to meet Seokjin’s face and blinks in surprise. He genuinely thought that Seokjin would not try to contact Jungkook, least of all visit him, but here he is in all his doubt and shyness trying to talk to a boy five years younger than him in front of the company building.

“Hi? What brings you here?” Jungkook turns his body to fully face his hyung and watches the teen shift nervously in front of him. Jungkook waits patiently for his hyung to gather his thoughts. Or wits. Jungkook smiles at the thought and watches Seokjin relax a little.

"I think… I kind of made a decision, but I want to know what made you want to become a trainee."

Jungkook blinks, not knowing how that's going to help Seokjin, but decides to speak. “Uh… well, I always wanted to sing.” Jungkook glances down at the ground, trying to recall why he became an idol in the first place. “But, I think, what I really want is to be on stage and perform. I want to see fans cheering for my group, and I want to share that experience with the others who worked just as hard as me to get on stage. Singing is everything to me. It's my passion, and without that passion, I would be nothing."

He feels alive when singing. And in his last moments of being Jungkook of BTS, he only felt alive on stage. Not even making music, rehearsing, or singing in his free time made him feel as alive as standing on stage. The love from his fans, loud music, and intricate choreographies made his heart beat faster from exhilaration and exhaustion. He loved the moments where he could pretend that everything was okay, that nothing had changed between the boys and their love for music. As painful as it was to be backstage at a concert, Jungkook loved the stage up until the very end of his career with BTS. Now, he only hopes that he can show his hyungs just how wonderful it is to host a concert, no matter how small the venue, how inexperienced they may be, or how small their fandom is in this life.

"I see." Jungkook looks back up, curiously watching Seokjin shift in place and glance around in nervousness. "Is it possible for me to join?"

Jungkook blinks in response before reaching up to scratch the back of his ear. "The company is actually gonna have auditions. I can let you know when they are so you can audition if you want?"

Seokjin nods, a smile spreading across his lips. “I’d really appreciate it.”

Jungkook smiles back, his fingers fiddling with the box of food he brought for Hoseok and Jimin. “If I may ask, what made you want to audition?” He watches as Seokjin's cheeks turn red, whether from embarrassment or not, Jungkook doesn't know.

“It was just like you said. A child wants to make their parents proud in any way they can. I’ve never done anything extraordinary that would make my mother brag about her son. I decided to take my chances and give her something she could use."

Even though he knows that his eldest hyung made the same decision in another life, Jungkook can't help but feel pride. Seokjin is a shy person, despite his loud behavior when around people he's familiar with, and the acting major he took in order to get out of his shell. Seokjin is not much of a leader, doesn't take much initiative, but rather follows others and silently gives support. Seeing Seokjin come to a decision that will impact his life is something extraordinary in his eyes. It isn't often that Jungkook will see him make an important decision, if at all. Seokjin isn't their leader, nor is he always deciding how the group will live their lives. Seokjin is simply a pillar of support that Jungkook is grateful to have had when he was still a naive teenager. Being able to witness the beginning of what made Seokjin become the person he was, rather than listen to stories, opened Jungkook’s eyes to see his oldest hyung in a new light.

“I’m glad that you have something you can work hard on.” Jungkook sends a blinding smile at Seokjin. “I’m sure your hard work will pay off one day.”

“I hope so.”

Jungkook turns around and waves for the man to follow him, wanting him to meet Hoseok and Jimin. When he's sure the older boy can’t see his face, Jungkook lets his smile turn into a frown and his eyebrows pinch themselves together at the words Seokjin had spoken. He has to work a lot on the man’s confidence.

 

(“Haven’t you ever thought that maybe I’m trying my damned hardest to be at your level of perfection?!” Jungkook brings his hands up in surrender, backing away from the outburst he should have expected, but the accusation is not something he thought would come at him. “It’s because of people like you that I can’t show my worth! I have to work harder than you just to get half of the recognition you get!”

“You do get recognition though!” Jungkook tries to reason, desperately trying to defend Seokjin from his own pessimism.

“For all the wrong things! I’m funny, sure. I’m handsome, yes. I’m an entertainment to the public, but I’m not the best dancer and I’m not a skilled singer.” Seokjin breathes out a desperate and exasperated laugh. “I really was just the pretty face of the group. Good for nothing else but raise all six of you and hope that one day all my hard work wouldn’t have been in vain.”

Jungkook stays silent at that.)

 

Jungkook takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief moment. Fright, anticipation, and agitation dance around in the pit of his stomach, making him uneasy as he opens his eyes to stare at the door to the dance room. He wants to turn around and run away if only to hide for a few hours before facing the inevitable apology that has the possibility of turning confrontational.

In a time when group meetings don't exist, Jungkook has no idea if he wants to go through with this meeting. There are no rules regarding apologies set in stone at this time which means that anything can happen while he apologizes. There's the chance that Yoongi will accept his apology but not say his own thoughts and apology back to Jungkook. Jungkook sighs, having a deep desire to just curl into a ball in the middle of the hallway so he doesn't have to exist for a few minutes. However, the group is going to host a mock interview and Jungkook has to be present even with his first-hand experience in handling all types of unsavory rumors.

Taking another deep breath, Jungkook opens the door enough to poke his head in. He sees the small studio occupied by five chairs, a camera, and three bodies. The other boys are sitting in three of the four chairs located in the middle of the room. The fifth chair is a few feet away, presumably the one for the interviewer. No one takes notice of him as he walks in to stand in front of the door closed behind him. He watches for a few seconds as Hoseok laughs and leans against Yoongi for support, who smiles and tries to spill out more words to Namjoon on his right. Their reflection in the mirror makes it easier to see Namjoon's own smile as they enjoyed their time together.

Jungkook feels out of place. It isn't the first time, but it makes him feel genuinely misplaced both as the time-traveling adult and the teenager he is. He knows too much about them, knows what they can become and that prevents him from asking anything personal, anything that can show he wants to bond with them. It keeps him from speaking to Namjoon and Yoongi because their personalities are simply harder to get used to than Hoseok's friendly one. Jungkook also feels like he knows very little. This is ironic considering he comes from the future. However, he's a teenager at this time and that's how everyone sees him. Dumb, naive and so easy to manipulate. In his past life –-and apparently in this life as well-– he doesn't know much about the dynamics of these three rappers. They knew each other longer than the others, they were the first to come together and make the group that Jungkook would later join as the first vocalist. He didn't get along with them as they did with each other. Even knowing them as long as he did, he never felt like his bond with them was as strong as their bond with each other. It's those thoughts and feelings that make Jungkook feel misplaced as he stands to the side and watches them enjoy themselves without him. But he's also glad that they are happy. Even if it isn't him that makes them smile, seeing them happy puts him at ease. This is what he enjoys seeing when he feels like the past is too much to handle. This is what leads him to think that maybe he time traveled just to see them smile in genuine and innocent happiness.

"Hyung."

Jungkook tries to suppress a smile when he sees all three boys turn their heads to him, suddenly attentive to his presence and what Jungkook has to say. He'd forgotten how amusing it is to see all his hyungs turn to him with just one word. They always look concerned, worried, or ready to indulge Jungkook in his wishes depending on the situation. Jungkook always believed it had something to do with being the youngest, always having his hyungs dote on him for his young age, and the fact that they raised him and were simply hyper-aware of anything he did lest he injured himself or something. He always took advantage of this in his past life, wondering if they would ever notice that Jungkook loves getting their attention, loves to know that despite their bonds breaking into pieces they will always instinctively turn their attention to their maknae at just one word.

A little bubble of nostalgia and bitterness settles in the pit of his stomach. Here he stands in front of a hyung he argued with, demanding his attention despite the small strain in their interactions. Jungkook is grimly reminded of all those occasions he would say hyung just to have some sort of reassurance that 'no, his hyungs don't hate him yet.'

"What is it Jungkookie?" Hoseok asks in genuine confusion. His voice is soft and kind, a deep contrast to his Hoseok who wouldn't sound as sweet, patient, and kind as this one when in a similar situation. Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek to keep himself from getting lost in memories that don't exist anymore.

"Um. Yoongi hyung." Jungkook bashfully looks down at the ground, inwardly cursing his teenage hormones for making him feel so guilty, shy and so much like the nervous and introverted kid he used to be. With a soft voice, projecting more of his insecurities and guilt than he likes, he continues. "I'm sorry for speaking up against you yesterday. I just... I didn't like that you were belittling idols because I always wanted to be an idol and it felt like an insult to my dream. I-" Jungkook bites his bottom lip, unsure if he should voice his worries. He looks up to see Yoongi's expectant eyes waiting for him to continue and finish what he's saying. He quickly tries to gather his thoughts, deciding to approach this the way he would when he was older. Satisfy their ego and pride, and belittle his own actions as he explains why he behaved in such an unacceptable manner.

"I was also a bit sad thinking that you would leave the group. I know we haven't really gotten to know each other, but I really like you hyung, and I want to make more music with someone as dedicated and talented as you. It didn't feel right that someone as passionate as you would back down at a chance of debut just because of the label we would begin to wear. Despite my concerns and fright, I shouldn't have interrupted you or argued. I was out of line doing so, and for that, I'm sorry."

Jungkook bows for a further apology, aware of the silence as Yoongi processes the jumble of words Jungkook threw at him to please him. Standing up straight, he catches Hoseok's eyes looking at him with a frown. Then he sees Namjoon's thoughtful gaze between him and Yoongi. Jungkook hesitates to look at the one he's apologizing to, afraid of not having satisfied Yoongi with the apology.

"Jungkook." The teen looks at Yoongi, surprised at the gentle tone being used. "I forgive you, but I also have to apologize for yelling and insulting you. It wasn't right of me to do that, even if I am older than you."

Flabbergasted, Jungkook stares at Yoongi completely caught off guard at the apology and the soft tone. "Uh... I forgive you."

Jungkook catches Hoseok smile, probably relieved that there isn't going to be any tension between Jungkook and Yoongi for the rest of their time together, but Jungkook also notices the endearment in the way his eyes crinkle at the edges. It reminds him of all the times he received that smile when he did something 'cute.'

"You sound confused," Namjoon says, his own smile on his lips as he looks at the teen. Jungkook feels as confused as Namjoon implies he is. The whole situation went differently to what he expected. It was too easy to apologize and gain forgiveness and an apology from Yoongi. It was never that easy in his past life, so being in this situation throws Jungkook for a loop.

"I'm kinda confused. I didn't think it would be so easy to gain forgiveness." The three rappers look at him in varying amounts of confusion and astonishment. Jungkook doesn't understand why because he genuinely thinks his comment is reasonable after all the times he found himself apologizing to his hyungs in the future.

"Ah," Namjoon speaks again. "I know Yoongi seems like a cold guy and all, but he can be really understanding. Sure, he has his moments when he's angry, but he tries to apologize once he's realized he's made mistakes and hurt others unintentionally. You shouldn't expect him to be so antisocial often."

Jungkook nods at the words, bashfully smiling at Yoongi for making assumptions about him. Jungkook is still wary around Yoongi and Namjoon, but thanks to Namjoon's explanation its easier for Jungkook to remember and see Yoongi for the eighteen-year-old he is, and not the thirty-four-year-old he could become.

"Right, sorry hyung." Yoongi gives him his own small smile to reassure and its filled with foreign kindness --at least foreign to Jungkook who's used to seeing and receiving anything but kindness from Yoongi for a long time.

"Take a seat Jungkookie. We're still waiting for the other staff members to come." Hoseok pats the empty seat next to him, the one furthest away from where the interviewer will be seated. Jungkook nods as he makes his way over and sits down. He smiles at the hand that ruffles his hair. He remembers that he once considered the furthest seat from the interviewer the safest one. He always had his hyungs to react as a buffer to people that could either flirt, harm, or target him for questions. Although, as he got older, he would sit in this spot as a way to avoid the questions that made his heart ache from how dishonest his answers always were.

 

---

 

Jungkook stares at his smiling reflection, wondering when he got so good at faking his expressions. Was it when he first learned to be an idol? When he decided he didn't want people to know his secret? Or when he wanted to fool the public into thinking that everything behind camera was fine? Jungkook wonders if he ever slipped on these charming smiles to the people he cares about --and who remained none the wiser to the emotions rumbling inside him.

"What are you doing smiling so adorably?"

Jungkook rolls his eyes and drops his smile to give Hoseok a small glare. He adds a small pout for maximum effect so Hoseok can get distracted with something else.

"Why do I feel like I'm being manipulated by your cute face?" He hears the teen mutter. He crouches down so he faces Jungkook and uses his hands to pinch at his chubby cheeks which causes Jungkook to wrinkle his nose at the feeling of his skin being pulled. As much as he misses the affection, Jungkook definitely doesn't miss the cheek pulling.

"Hyun', thah hurshts." Hoseok coos over his speech before letting go and giving a gentle pat to his right cheek.

"So?" Hoseok gives him a smile, expecting Jungkook to answer him. Jungkook simply blinks up at him in confusion.

"So what?"

"Why were you smiling at your reflection?"

"Oh." Jungkook glances at the floor and contemplates just melting on the spot to avoid these kinds of questions. "I just thought that maybe I should practice not looking dumb when I smile during interviews."

Jungkook glances up to see Hoseok staring back at him with a blank face. "You did really good though." Hoseok leans away to tower over him. "You did better than us three. Even Sungdeuk-ssi said you were perfect."

Jungkook's eyebrows furrow for a second. He tried to seem clueless by stuttering out responses that always needed a bit more prompting for a clear answer, still he was significantly better than the others who aren't sure when their explanations are enough of an answer. What he did wasn't perfect in any way, but considering it should have been the first time he got interviewed like this in this life, he did leagues better than what was expected of him.

"You really are the golden brat I said you were."

Jungkook smiles cheekily, watching Hoseok's lips form into a smile as well. "Why can't it just be maknae?"

Yoongi walks over to stand next to Hoseok. "You're kinda bossy, maybe that's why."

Jungkook blinks, taken aback by the words. He didn't think that he was being bossy since he doesn't outright tell the others what to do. Would implying the boys to do something be considered bossy? Maybe it's the manipulation that he's subtly trying to do that came off as bossy to his hyungs. Still…

"Bossy?"

"It's your nature as a kid. It's nothing too noticeable or crazy, but whenever you get the chance, the way you speak sounds like you're trying to order us to do something." Namjoon adds from his own spot on the floor of the dance room. "You're a bit demanding. Like when we were recording paldogangsan."

Jungkook looks down at the floor, his mind running with thoughts about his behavior. It isn't anything new. He recalls being told that he should not be so domineering when he was younger, and Jungkook tried his best not to be until he didn't have to try anymore. Now, however, he's demanding in a different way. While he isn't arrogant in his demands, he might have been pressuring his hyungs into doing something without giving them much of an option. He isn't taking their opinion into consideration or giving them freedom over their own actions.

"It's not very noticeable, and not necessarily a bad thing since you're not bossy in an arrogant way, but it's there. I think it's best if we tell you now so you can work on it. We're not trying to offend you and we're not very annoyed about it. We're just a bit worried that it might escalate into something bad if we let it grow," Jungkook looks up to meet Namjoon's eyes, not feeling the slightest bit better at the realization that he was subtly --but very effectively-- manipulating their lives and choices. It doesn't matter to him that his hyungs aren't really bothered by his behavior because they assume it has to do with his age and whatnot. What really has him worried is that eventually, his hyungs won't tolerate his behavior, or he'll annoy them with his overbearing behavior. Worse yet, he may not even get to strengthen his bonds with them and simply drive them away and shatter the hopes of mending his relationships with them.

"Oh." He feels like the biggest idiot in the world. How could he not have thought of their feelings before?

Hoseok and Namjoon stare back at him with tilted heads and a look of confusion on their faces while Yoongi raises an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Uh, thanks for telling me. I didn't know that I was overbearing." Jungkook looks down at his lap, hearing some shuffling in front of him.

"Hey, we're not angry. It's just like Namjoon said, we're not bothered by it. We were like that too when we were younger, and we know that you can grow out of it since you're not a bad kid."

'But I'm not a kid. I'm thirty years old and shouldn't have been acting as though I were actually thirteen.'

"Okay." Jungkook makes his voice as small as possible, hoping that maybe it'll help him become as nonexistent as he wants to be at that moment. A small bubbling feeling of shame, guilt, and worry starts to fill him up. He wants to escape this situation and crush these feelings into dust because he dislikes feeling this way. He feels nauseous and like the villain that his hyungs once made him out to be. He doesn't understand why he feels like this when he never felt any kind of remorse any time he did something similar in his past life.

 

2026

(It claws its way up to his throat, desperate for a release, for a cry that will bring him no help. He swallows it down, not wanting to hear how helpless he feels.)

 

"Why don't we dance Jungkookie?" Comes Hoseok's gentle voice. Jungkook looks up, forcing all of his emotions to stay away when he smiles sweetly at his hyung.

"Why do you always smile so adorably? If you're not careful, people will fall for you."

Jungkook fights the urge to frown at the words. Instead, he let out a small laugh that feels and sounds unfamiliar to him. It's been a long time since he last laughed like this.

 

(The hands on his mouth are wet with tears and saliva, muffling the noises of desperation, shame, sadness, and shattered hope as he shakes with the force of his tears.

'What did I do?' is the only thought that runs through his head repeatedly.)

 

"Are you sure you aren't talking about yourself? Yoongi hyung and Namjoon hyung haven't said anything about my smile." Hoseok smiles playfully, his lips wavering as he tries to suppress a laugh.

"Plus, people will fall in love with me once we debut."

Hoseok laughs, his voice high pitched and loud. Jungkook stares in awe as Hoseok covers his mouth delicately with one hand and leans over on Yoongi's shoulder, similarly to the way he found the three rappers earlier as he went to apologize. Hearing his hyungs laugh with no limits morphs his sweet smile into a genuine one --one that doesn't feel like a plastic mask is taped over his face: one that makes him feel more like himself and less like the Idol he was raised to be.

 

(The ends of his vision blur, his shaking lessening as his body slowly shuts down. He gives out one small cry of helplessness and hopes that maybe he can trust his hyungs one last time to save him.

Deep down he knows that he shouldn't trust the ones that led him here in the first place.)

 

"Oh man." Hoseok calms down, letting out the occasional huff of laughter and looking back at Jungkook who hadn't moved from his spot on the cold dance floor. "You're quite confident aren't you?"

"He sounds more like he has a big ego. Maybe it's from all the times you call him our adorable maknae." Yoongi grumbles, trying to pry Hoseok off of his shoulder. "Rather than an adorable maknae, I feel like we have more of a mischievous maknae."

 

(A distant sound of something heavy breaking catches his attention, his vision suddenly filling with the faces of his hyungs towering over him. He vaguely feels being held close to someone, and hears the sound of people yelling --or is that sobbing?-- Jungkook doesn't know, but for a moment they look like they're worried. Like they care.

"Jungkook!"

Jungkook tries his hardest to burn the images and sounds of his hyungs acting worried into his mind so that it's the last thing he ever sees before his vision blurs completely and he can't distinguish where each sound of panic comes from.)

 

Jungkook watches his three hyungs in amusement as they start to talk about the kind of maknae he is, both defending and labeling him.

In the middle of laughing over Namjoon's opinion, he catches sight of his reflection in the mirror, staring at the small boy with a smile of an experienced man.

Sometimes, Jungkook forgets how good he is at fooling himself.

 

“This is cramped.”

Jungkook huffs, moving to pick up a duffel bag by the shared closet. Yoongi and Namjoon stand in the doorway of the room filled with bunk beds. There are four bunk beds to accommodate eight trainees, meaning that there is little space to place all of his belongings, and therefore struggles to keep all of his things in one place.

“There’s eight of us living here.” Jungkook hands a bag to Yoongi who grunts at the weight.

“Well, there’s more space at our dorm since there’s three of us --four now.” Namjoon walks over to help Jungkook with another bag as he spoke. Jungkook huffs out a chuckle, covering his mouth with a small hand and turning away from his hyungs.

“With the path that the group is starting to take, I don’t think we’ll stay as four people for very long.”

Yoongi groans somewhere behind him, probably at the thought of having to share a tiny dorm with more than three people.

“Uh, Jungkook? There’s like three different suitcases in this closet, which one is yours?” Comes Hoseok’s voice from the room next to them. Jungkook sighs, wondering how many of his things are mixed with those of his roommates. None of the other trainees are currently in the dorm (which is a relief because he doesn't have to answer any questions or taunting from his older roommates.) so it's much easier for them to go around the dorm and find all of Jungkook’s belongings. It also means that no one can yell about their things being rummaged through all because Jungkook’s items are piled with someone else’s.

Making his way to a different room, he spots Hoseok staring intently at three suitcases, as though one of the suitcases will reveal itself as Jungkook's. Smiling at the thought, Jungkook reaches over to the gray suitcase and pushes it towards his hyung. Hoseok gasps out an ‘oh’ and takes the handle, carefully prying it away from the other suitcases and facing Jungkook for further instructions. Jungkook is vaguely reminded of his younger self when he used to stand around waiting to be ordered to do something. It feels weird watching one of his hyungs act so lost like a little kid.

“Hey, kid, we don't have all day."

Jungkook turns around to see Yoongi leaning to one side from the weight of the bag in his hand. He has an eyebrow raised and a look of annoyance --or is that impatience?-- on his face. Jungkook blinks, suddenly feeling very much like his mental age of thirty. His hyungs are so young and that's shown by the lack of patience they have, how they need to be told what to do so they don’t stand on the sidelines awkwardly.

"There should be a bag of shoes at the front door. Unless the others fucked around with that too and placed it elsewhere." Jungkook says with annoyance. He turns to face the front door, ignoring Yoongi shaking his head, taken aback at hearing him curse with such anger and annoyance.

“What do you mean by ‘others fucking around with that too’?” He hears Namjoon question. Jungkook walks over to the front door, a scowl on his face as he rummages through the duffel bag and realizes some of his shoes are missing. He doesn't care that it seems rude of him to brush Namjoon off as he did.

“They like to bother me because I’m the maknae of the dorm and they think I’m dumb and ignorant,” Jungkook states, closing his duffel bag and standing back up to search around the small apartment. He brushes past Yoongi as they all watch him head back inside the room with bunk beds.

It isn’t anything new to Jungkook. Since awakening in the past, he was continuously teased and bullied. It's one of the reasons why he avoids the dorms throughout the day, only coming back late at night to sleep, and waking up early to make himself food and slip out unnoticed.

“I honestly can’t wait to leave them,” Jungkook pauses as he starts to rummage under the bunk beds in search of his shoes. “I’m tired of always having to look around for my things and coming back to see my things have been messed with.” Jungkook throws some objects that aren’t his out of the way, not caring about the mess he makes. (His roommates are already really messy which disgusts his thirty-year-old self to no end.)

When he finally has all of his shoes, he stands up and turns around to see his hyungs staring at him in uncertainty. Confused, Jungkook tilts his head to the side and glances around him, taking in the mess he made while searching for his belongings. Realization dawns on him as he thinks back to what he said. Right when he opens his mouth to explain, Namjoon’s voice cuts through the room and causes Jungkook to flinch at the concern that seems to roll off him in waves.

“They bully you then.” It's not a question, and Namjoon isn’t asking for confirmation. Jungkook can only stare back, his eyes moving from one hyung to the next until he decides to look down at the duffel bag he carries with both hands. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

Jungkook sighs. He's able to handle these kinds of situations. The ones where he gets picked on and he takes it without a word, already knowing that he should act indifferent towards the acts and never complain. He lived through it when he first joined BigHit, during the last few years of Bangtan, and these past few weeks after coming from the future. He didn’t say a word because he still thinks of himself as a thirty-year-old. He's a man that doesn't need help in handling bullies or stuck-up trainees.

“I was able to handle it myself.” Jungkook murmurs resigned to getting a lecture at that very moment. He doesn't dare to fight back the sudden vulnerability he feels as he cowers under his hyungs’ sharp gazes. “I’ll be able to live with you three anyway. There’s no point in worrying about it now.”

Jungkook keeps his head ducked down as he pushes past them and makes his way to the front door, not caring about his manners in the least. He only hopes that his hyungs drop the subject and don't try to pry into it later on.

 

---

 

“You moved into Hoseok hyung’s dorm?” Jimin repeats, gazing at Jungkook in disbelief. His plump lips are slightly parted, eyes a bit wider than normal, and his head tilting slightly downwards to mimic the face his Jimin always made when surprised about something. “Why?”

“Because I’m part of the group?” Jungkook uncaps his bottle of water, pausing when he catches sight of Jimin’s affronted look. “What?”

“You never told me you were a part of a group!” Jimin places his palms on the floor in front of him and leans forward to get closer to Jungkook. The maknae simply blinks and tries to recall ever telling Jimin that he's a part of Bangtan.

He can't recall anything of the sort. This means that he never told his precious person something so important.

“Well, I helped the hyungs make a song and I got added to the group. Since the song was released today, it cemented the idea that I'm a part of the group, so I moved into their dorm yesterday.” Which is a thing that greatly concerns Jungkook. He has no idea how the song will be taken by the public. It could go extremely well, or it could greatly damage his hyungs’ hopes and mentality.

Jimin suddenly gasps, scaring Jungkook out of his thoughts.

“Hoseok hyung never told me he's a part of a group either!”

Jungkook rolls his eyes at his hyung’s dramatics. Quietly thankful that Jimin doesn't seem at all jealous of his spot in a group. ‘Unlike the other trainees.’ It's like the animosity towards him multiplied by a hundred. Jungkook does not like it one bit.

“What’s it like?”

Jungkook turns to look at Jimin, his eyes shining brightly in curiosity. He’s leaning forward again, ready to soak up the information that Jungkook provides.

“We haven’t started doing much together except prepare the song for the announcement of the auditions.” Jungkook watches in amusement as Jimin sags his shoulders, not at all satisfied by the response. He brings his bottle to his lips and smiles endearingly as his hyung grumbles about anticlimactic responses.

“We have been doing mock interviews, though,” Jungkook adds after taking a few sips of water. “We’re also gonna start taking dance lessons together since Yoongi and Namjoon hyung don’t really dance.”

“Oh. It’s going to be like an idol group then?” Jungkook nods. “Then, are you gonna be a rapper that dances?”

Jungkook smiles gently at the softness of Jimin’s voice. He soon lets out a noise of amusement. It's not quite a giggle, but it's close to one, and Jungkook refuses to feel embarrassed about it. “I don’t know if I’ll be a rapper. I do know that I’ll be a singer, though. We might add more singers and dancers though.”

Jimin nods, eagerly soaking up the words that escape Jungkook’s mouth. He briefly wonders if Jimin has always been this eager to know about the group. Had he missed the behavior when he was younger? Or has his friendship with Jimin caused the change in personality?

“I have to get better then! Maybe, if I’m good enough, I can be a part of the group.” Jimin’s voice grows softer as he speaks, head tilting down shyly. Jungkook watches on in pride, glad to see Jimin showing the little confidence he was starting to gain.

“Do you think it’s possible? You were able to make it in, and you’re younger than me.”

Jungkook internally winces at the last part. He doesn't like that his age is being thrown into the mix. He always thought that his age should not matter when it comes to justifying why one should be able to do the same thing as him. He also doesn't want to be envied for being able to do something despite his age. He's currently the youngest in Bangtan (and by many years) so he will get a lot of backlash from other trainees for being able to do something they couldn’t. Still, Jungkook can handle that just like he was able to handle hundreds of haters around the world. His hyungs, however, are a different story because he won’t be able to handle the sharp gazes and jealousy rolling off of them in waves. It would remind him too much of the future he doesn’t want; of the hyungs he loves and hates with his whole heart and soul.

“I think if you just continue to work hard, and show the company what you can do, you’ll be able to join.”

Jimin gazes up at him, his bottom lip caught between his teeth as though he doubts it'll work. Jungkook looks away, gazing at himself in the big mirrors of the small studio they're in. He doesn't like that look. He dislikes that he doesn't know what to do to convince his hyungs that they are great in their own way --that they can do great things if they put their mind to it.

He dislikes that sometimes he doubts his own words because there is a chance that things will take a turn for the worst.

 

---

 

“Have you read anything about our song?” Hoseok asks from the small couch of the ‘living room’ --which is really just a big space divided into the kitchen and living room.

Jungkook freezes midway to mixing his ramen at the kitchen counter, a wave of uncontrollable fear and anxiety washing over him as he tries to catch his breath.

Paldogangsan has been released for a day already, likely to have captured the attention of the public by now. Jungkook has been jittery since its release. He called Seokjin to inform him of the audition dates in a trembling voice he managed to convince the college student to believe to be fatigue from dancing despite Jungkook’s lazy position on the couch. He also somehow convinced his current hyungs to postpone checking any feedback on the song, just so Jungkook had the time to review the opinions and memorize what social media apps to avoid.

Despite all that, Jungkook had no idea that his hyungs already started searching for reactions.

"I read a few comments on Twitter," Yoongi says as he strolls into the kitchen. His hair is a mess from waking up minutes ago and squinting under the natural light coming through the windows. He doesn't notice Jungkook's frozen state, how his breathing increased from the words that were said. If there is one platform that Jungkook does not want them to look at, it's Twitter. The website is guaranteed to have negative comments no matter how overwhelming the wave of positive comments is.

"We're on the news," Namjoon says as he passes by the kitchen to get to the bathroom. Jungkook's eyes follow his leader, surprised that their song reached the news. He doesn't remember this ever happening to them on their pre-debut days --or the first three years after their official debut. Then again, he doesn't remember many things from this time.

"Hey, Jungkook? You okay?"

The preteen jumps in his spot, almost spilling his ramen as he turns around to face Yoongi who looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "Sorry, I was just thinking. I didn't think that we would get on the news."

"Holy shit, we are on the news!" Came Hoseok's voice. The two turn to look at him, hearing him play the video of a news anchor talking about them and playing a snippet of their song.

"I look dumb," Hoseok pouts at his phone. Jungkook smiles, knowing that he's talking about the recorded video of them rapping the song.

"I'm sure others don't think that, hyung." Jungkook goes back to mixing his ramen, ignoring the icky feeling of panic running through his veins.

“We have an interview later today, don’t we?” Jungkook asks, trying to divert their attention away from looking at comments. It kind of works. Hoseok continues to scroll through his phone while Yoongi answers his question. 

“Yup. We’re performing live on a radio station.” Jungkook nods, watching as Yoongi walks over to Hoseok so they can look at the reactions of people. He winces as he thinks of all the things one person can say. He knows that Yoongi and Namjoon are probably used to it. They more than likely had experience with hate, but Jungkook is concerned about how much they can handle before they let the hate get to them. He's also worried about Hoseok who's already insecure in his rapping, despite doing very well on it. Hoseok cares a lot about others’ opinions. He takes it to heart and will use that opinion to pass his limits in unhealthy ways. 

“Hey, Jungkook are you okay?”

Startled, Jungkook drops his chopsticks, wincing at the noise they make as they clatter onto the table and down to the floor. He picks them up swiftly, cursing himself for getting lost in his thoughts once again.

“What’s wrong Jungkook?”

The time traveler looks up to meet Namjoon’s worried face. Biting his lip, he turns away and places his chopsticks on the counter, not wanting to burden his leader again. “I’m fine. I just got distracted by my thoughts.”

Namjoon hums, placing a hand on his shoulder as a way of comfort. “I’m glad you’re fine, then. For a second you looked shocked and kind of scared.”

Jungkook forces out a chuckle, picking up another pair of chopsticks to use for his ramen. He knows how he looks whenever he ponders something. He’d seen quite a few of his fans point out how wide his eyes get and how lost he looks whenever he accidentally zones out in the middle of an interview. “Nah, That’s just my thinking face. Sorry for worrying you.”

He quickly moves away, slipping out of Namjoon’s grasp as he picks up his ramen cup and makes his way to the living room with Hoseok and Yoongi. He sits down gently, not wanting to spill his ramen all over the couch or Yoongi who's next to him.

“Oh! Jungkookie, someone said you were cute.” He looks up, ramen hanging from his chopsticks as he glances at his hyung from the corner of his eye. “Actually, a lot of these are about how young you look.”

Jungkook smiles cheekily, "I told you that people would fall in love with me."

A snort of laughter leaves Hoseok's mouth followed by Yoongi's chuckling. It makes Jungkook smile wider, not wanting to give in to his own bad thoughts about what could go wrong. (Maybe, if he wishes hard enough, they won’t have to experience all the bad things he once did.)

Namjoon walks into the living room, choosing to rest against the couch behind Hoseok and Yoongi, peeking over their shoulders to view the comments. At this, Jungkook stares at them with worry. It's like seeing them at their prime. The vulnerability of them as they wait for a response to their comebacks. It's the way they slouch and laze about the dorm that makes them look so young and naive; obsessive and bitter.

“What’s wrong, Jungkookie?”

Snapping out of his thoughts, he takes a better look at them. He sees their excitement, hope, energy, and determination. He sees them hold themselves a little taller and their features look a little brighter. They are the small naive teenagers that got ahead of themselves, soon to be crushed by the suffocating weight of fame.

“I was just thinking,” Jungkook bites his bottom lip, no longer trying to mask his worry and sadness.

 

(“You know you can tell us whatever is bothering you.” Seokjin gently places a hand on Jungkook’s thigh, squeezing it lightly as a way to encourage Jungkook to talk. “We’ll always be here to listen.”

Jungkook nods, looking down at the hand on his thigh. Seokjin always does that when trying to comfort Jungkook. It's like a reminder that Seokjin is always there, no matter how often they bicker. In a way, Jungkook thinks it's a reminder that he's there for Seokjin as well. A reassurance that Jungkook is present --real in a way that means he isn’t going to abandon them.

“I just don’t want to be a burden.”

Seokjin smiles, patting Jungkook’s thigh as he spoke. “At least try to tell us when something we do is bothering you. I know that you’re our baby, and what we do may not always be something you like. We all know that you want to tell us something about our safety and we’ll appreciate it if you do.” Seokjin delicately places his hand under Jungkook’s chin and carefully tilts his head up, smiling softly at him. “We’ll listen to you."

‘Will you really?’ is the first thought that goes through his head, but he smiles back at his hyung and nods. “I’ll try to speak to you, then.”)

 

“You’ve been thinking a lot, and not good things either.” Namjoon points out, giving him a concerned look. “What’s wrong? We’ll listen to you.”

 

(‘Will you really?’)

 

“I just don’t want to know what people think of the song or us.”

Hoseok tilts his head to the side in confusion. “Don’t you want to know of its success?”

“Yeah, but I don’t want the negative criticism to affect me. I don’t know how I’ll handle it. I’d rather avoid seeing it.” Jungkook looks down at his cup of ramen, suddenly losing his appetite. “I guess, I’m also worried about you three. I don’t know how the hate will affect you and I don’t want us to change ourselves just to avoid receiving hate.”

“Is that why you didn’t want us to look at the reactions yesterday? You wanted to keep us from experiencing hate as long as you could?” Yoongi questions. Jungkook nods in response, glancing at them nervously. 

 

(“You can’t tell us what to do Jungkook! You’re not some kind of god to control us!”

“I’m just trying to protect you!” He yells back in desperation.

“I don’t need it from a naive kid like you!”)

 

“I know it’s silly.” Jungkook places his ramen cup on the small table in front of him and starts to play with his fingers. “I can’t protect us from all the bad things in the world, but I also don’t want us to change who we are just to please others.” ‘I’m tired of acting like someone I’m not. I’m tired of being manipulated to fit molds I was never meant to fit into.’

“You’ve never experienced hate, have you?” Namjoon speaks softly as though Jungkook were a small, scared animal.

“I’ve seen what expectations and criticism do to my friends. I don’t want to see you guys change just to please everyone else but yourself.” The faint images of his hyungs skipping meals, overworking themselves, and obsessing over their beauty flash through his mind and makes him cringe. “I don’t want to see what people think of me because I know that I’ll want to conform to their views. I just want to be myself, and be proud of who I am.”

Yoongi stands up and walks over to Jungkook. He crouches down and stares up at him. “Just tell us you don’t want us to look at reactions, Jungkook. We’ll listen to you.”

 

(‘No you won’t.’)

 

“Will you?” Jungkook whispers, feeling the heavy hormones of age thirteen and the mental fatigue of age thirty. “Will you promise not to look at social media so you can live happily and freely? To feel like you can be your own person and not worry about how many people will like you today? Fame doesn’t have mercy for the weak-minded, I know this much. We can’t do much against its harsh reality, but we can try our damned hardest to avoid seeing it. You simply have to be committed.”

Yoongi stares at him with a mix of surprise and resolve. Glancing at the others, Jungkook sees their wonder as they gaze back at him. 

“Well, I definitely wasn’t expecting that to come out of your mouth.” Yoongi gives a small smile, one that barely makes the ends of his lips curl up, but has his eyes crinkle softly at the edges. Jungkook stares in awe, not having seen one of those smiles directed at him in years.

“I’ll promise not to look at social media that concerns us,” Yoongi promises. Jungkook smiles softly, satisfied that he has one hyung listening to him. He turns to face the other two, gazing at them expectantly.

Namjoon smiles sheepishly and rubs the back of his head. “I won’t look at it either. It might be better if our own satisfaction and confidence let us grow.”

“You know, you say a lot of wise things Jungkookie. Are you sure you’re thirteen?” Hoseok jokes with a small chuckle. Jungkook smiles indulgently while internally panicking that maybe he should dumb down his knowledge a little bit. “But I’ll promise not to look at reactions. Being a slave to other people’s opinions doesn’t seem very fun.”

Jungkook's smile widens, satisfied at the outcome that his talking brought up. While it's hard to open up, he can see the benefits of his hyungs knowing what he's thinking. If only he said something years ago, maybe he wouldn’t have had to leave his bandmates all that time ago.

 

(“That’s because you think too much, Jungkookie.” Namjoon rubs his hair affectionately, not caring that Jungkook’s long strands of hair are getting tangled. “We don’t know what you think about because you never tell us. For all we know you could be plotting world domination and we’ll simply believe that you’re thinking about how good the hotdog you ate tasted.”

Jungkook giggles at the words, hands holding onto Namjoon's shirt as he curls tighter around his leader. “I won’t plan world domination without you guys.”

Namjoon rolls his eyes. “Sure you won’t.”)

 

“Do you pinky promise?” Jungkook smiles giddily. Yoongi rolls his eyes, muttering about maknaes and brats but laces his pinky around his with a crinkle in his eyes. Hoseok laughs loudly, covering his mouth with a small hand while shakily taking Jungkook’s pinky onto his, small words of endearment slipping past his lips which cause Jungkook to both preen and flush under the affection. Namjoon smiles indulgently and ruffles his hair after making their promise, further causing Jungkook to feel warm at the affection he missed for years.

As childish as it is, it reassures Jungkook that he has their word. It might have also served to remind his hyungs that they have a child to take care of and indulge in his requests.

Maybe being thirteen isn’t so bad.

 

2024

(“I’m glad I joined Bangtan, hyung.”

Jimin smiles at his maknae through the mirror, brushing the long strands of hair to detangle small knots in them. “Why?”

“Because I got to meet all of you. Even if we’re fighting, I know that we still care for each other.” Jungkook fiddles with the eyeshadow palette in his hands, gazing at all the colors and trying to pick out which ones he wants to use that day. “It’s not very noticeable, but I know that they still love each other very much… I still love all of you very much.”

Jimin pinches Jungkook’s cheek affectionately. “What makes you say that though?”

“You haven’t left me.” Jungkook dips his brush into a soft pink color and places it on his eyelid. “You all promised me to never leave the band before the contract ends.”

Jimin takes a step back, staring Jungkook down through the mirror before picking up a hair straightener. “That was years ago. It only applied for the contract that ended in 2019.”

“But you’re still here. Six years after our second contract was signed.”

“Maybe we’ve indulged in your wishes for too long.”

“You only did it because you love me.” Jungkook sends a cheeky smile to his hyung who rolls his eyes in response.

“I do love you.” Jimin bends over to rest his chin on the maknae’s shoulder. The two stare at one another through the mirror, both smiling sweetly before Jimin playfully pecks Jungkook’s cheek, causing a giggle to escape past his pink-colored lips that match his red cheeks. “And we always will, Jungkookie.”)

 

He stares at the image in front of him. He's too small and too young. They are too inexperienced and jittery, too filled with self-doubt, and too unprepared for what's to come.

He hates it. He hates it with his whole being.

Fame is a crippling thing when one gets on the bad side of it. It knocks you out with rumors, hate, scandals, and lies. It’s overwhelming with its presence and it drowns you with self-hate. Fame was painful to Jungkook in the way it ripped through his bonds and tore his whole world apart. It left Jungkook with nothing and no one but himself and money. It took everything he loved and gave him misery in return. What's the point of living a dream that leaves him broken in the end? What's the point of making his hyungs go through it from the beginning once more?

Will it be worth the trouble of enduring fame just to have them back again? To give them the happy ending that he couldn’t have the first time around?

“Hoseok, stop bouncing your leg, it’s annoying.” Yoongi takes a seat on a chair next to the dancer so the hairstylist can fix his hair.

“I’m so excited I can’t stay still!” he glances at Hoseok who shakes from excitement.

“The interview from yesterday has just been uploaded!” Namjoon yells from the other side of the room. Jungkook sighs at his reflection, preparing himself for the interview that will take place in two hours. All his experience in being an idol could never prepare him enough for the anxiety that he experiences before the interviews.

‘What will they ask? Who will they pick on this time? What rumors did they create now? Who has to be humiliated for entertainment? Will they pick him apart and dig into all the things that make him Jungkook? Will this end well or terribly wrong?’

“You’re thinking really hard again.” Jungkook sees the blurry vision of Hoseok’s hand poking his forehead. Wincing at the slight pain, Jungkook scrunches his nose and looks up at the teen. How long had he been thinking that he didn’t realize Hoseok’s hair has been styled? “Your brain might explode one day.”

“I don’t think that’s possible, but thanks for worrying.”

Hoseok huffs, trying to hide his laughter as Jungkook watches him walk over to Namjoon to watch the interview. 

“Are you scared?”

Jungkook whips his head around to catch Yoongi’s eyes boring into him. They're narrowed in drowsiness, but it's a painful reminder of the adult that constantly glared at him. They always seem to pierce him, as though he were analyzing every breath he takes and every beat his heart might have missed as he tries to calm his nerves. Jungkook shifts awkwardly --uncomfortably-- under Yoongi’s gaze and looks down at his feet to get rid of the image of a man he left behind.

“You did well yesterday, so you shouldn’t be scared about today.” Jungkook nods while still looking at his feet. “It doesn’t suit you.”

“I just don’t know what they’ll ask or what they’ll make us do,” He mumbles. “It’s stupid.”

“What is? Your thoughts or the things they make us do?”

“Both… everything.” Jungkook looks up and glances around the room —the staff fixing Yoongi’s hair, the noona further back in the practice room adjusting the makeup on Namjoon, and Hoseok who is fixing his clothes— they were all trying their best to impress, to fit in. “Fame is stupid.”

His eyes finally settle on Yoongi, not a hint of emotion on his face because his emotions are for the public, they are used for exaggerating feelings that are barely there --or nonexistent. Jungkook is tired of always having to show a reaction. Yoongi, on the other hand, raises an eyebrow in question of Jungkook’s word choice. Curiosity plainly written on his face as Jungkook stares back with all the exhaustion he’s ever felt.

“I thought being an idol was your dream?”

“No… maybe.” Jungkook’s eyes trail off into the mirror. Glancing over his appearance, Jungkook scrunches his nose lightly. “I just wanted to sing. I wanted to do what I had a passion for because having no passion means I'm dead inside and easy to manipulate into a role I don't like.”

“Isn’t it the same though?” Yoongi crosses his arms, sagging into his chair. “Idols are just people being manipulated into a role they don’t want.” He glances over the makeup and hair products laying around, making Jungkook give a small smile. Yoongi of the future might have tolerated the things he had to wear, but it didn’t mean he liked it. This Yoongi has yet to see the benefits of letting himself wear flashy clothing to at least appear closer to being an idol despite how far away his image seems to be from the hip-hop concept they were going for.

“Maybe, but at least it's a step into the direction we wanted to go for.” He glances back at his reflection, wondering if he's the stupid one for even thinking about pursuing a life like this. He knows the molds he fits into because he was groomed to fit into the standards he didn’t really care for at the beginning of his career. He might have resented being manipulated to fit a role he didn’t actually fit, but the fruitful life and prosperous career overshadowed it all and made it worth it. (He was lonely and afraid of going out with other people. He was scared of the fans that he loved so much because their opinions dictated his life and disappointing them meant that he was ruining his image and career —but the singing, chanting, love and admiration, he would not trade it for anything in the world for the rush it all gave him).

“Maybe.”

There's doubt in those eyes, Jungkook can tell. He can read it clearly as day because Yoongi has always been easy to read. Time had nothing to do with Jungkook learning how Yoongi wore his heart on his sleeve and chose to tuck it away in situations when feelings would only get in the way.

 

(“I’ve learned to just ignore the things entertainers say. You just have to look for loopholes when they propose absurd games.”

Jungkook props an elbow on the soft cushion of the couch, resting his cheek on it so he can look up at his hyung who sits right in front of him facing the tv but playing games on his phone —he lays on his stomach, his legs draped over Namjoon who's reading a book that was too boring for Jungkook to take interest in. 

“You sound like a sage, hyung.”

“Then you better take notes, brat. Sage’s are the wisest people you’ll ever come across.”

Jungkook smiles at his silly hyung, but keeps the previous words in mind for the future.)

 

---

 

“Just try your best, hyung.” 

“But I’m not a good singer or a good dancer.”

Jungkook purses his lips at the words. He's in the hallway with Seokjin, giving him some words of encouragement before his audition takes place. He has a day off from lessons because of the auditions and the tv show recording he has to do later that day.

“If they see potential in you, then you’ll get in. You won’t know until you try.”

“Jungkoo-”

He holds up a hand to stop him from talking and gives him a hard stare. Not that it will do much since he's much younger than he likes. “Why do you worry so much? Don’t worry about what’s to come, hyung. If you worry too much, nothing will get done, and worst of all, you’ll never know if you were good enough to get accepted. Rather than worry about what you can’t do and how that’ll affect you, pay more attention to what you have and how you can use that to your advantage.”

Seokjin stares down at him owlishly. Flustered at the silence and the eyes watching him, Jungkook’s cheeks flush a soft pink and he starts to play with the edge of his shirt.

“You always know what to say to make me feel better,” Seokjin observes. “I appreciate it. Thank you, Jungkook.”

A smile spreads across Jungkook’s lips, looking bashful as he avoids his hyungs eyes. “No problem. I just want you to make it in. I think you would be able to do great things if you risk it at least a little.”

“It’s a gamble, but I’ll try my best.”

 

---

 

They are once again hanging out in the dance room getting ready for a variety show. Jungkook isn’t feeling as nervous now that he’s been doing this for the past week. He figures it has to do with getting used to it all over again (less because this body is unused to it and more because he has not made a television appearance since he was twenty-six)

He's anxious about what's to come. Variety shows are known to bring up topics that are unrelated to music. Jungkook thinks that maybe they were set up to have idols say scandalous things or create an unwanted image by accident.

“You always look scared when you think.” He looks over at Namjoon who is seated in front of the mirror while a staff member sorts out the products on the table, preparing to fix up Namjoon’s appearance.

“Oh, I can’t help it. That’s just how I think.”

Namjoon shrugs. “I’m just saying.”

Jungkook looks down at the table, lightly running a hand over the makeup products neatly lined up. He's tempted to put on his own makeup because he hasn’t done so in years, not when there was the world judging him and he had no use to look dolled up if he wasn’t going to make a broadcast appearance.

 

(He throws the neatly organized collection off the decorated shelves. The shattering of the glass, mirrors, and hard casings are deafening to his own ears and make him flinch at the strength at which they are thrown for the pieces to fly across the room.

He looks up with tears in his eyes, but he doesn't dare break down in front of him. With a devastated heart and a lump in his throat, he opens his mouth to scream away the enmity that arose with the actions he just witnessed. “I hate you!”

“Good! I want you to hate me!” He yells back, face red with anger and disgust. His voice is hoarse from all the screaming he’d done earlier. “I don’t care about people like you, so hate me all you want because I fucking hate you!”) 

 

“Noona, can I… can I use the makeup?” The woman now working on Namjoon’s hair nods at him with a kind and amused smile.

“I’ll let you be curious and try it out, but don’t use too much! Make-up is expensive.”

Jungkook smiles and drags a seat next to the table and face the mirror to see himself. Careful to ignore his hyungs stares, he slowly picks up different eyeshadow palettes to check his color options. They aren’t the best brands, but they're long-lasting, and he shouldn’t expect something better from a small company like this. Nodding to himself, he places the palettes down and moves to pick out his foundation shade. Doing his make-up always calms him down before a show or interview. His focus is solely on the products being packed onto his smooth and slightly blemished skin, covering up the imperfections that he was told didn’t look pretty. (but he would always try to let his skin breathe by not using products regularly and convincing himself that it's okay to show imperfections every once in a while.)

He decides to go for a traditional smokey eye to imitate the style that's most popular during this time. He uses a light, honey-brown shade over his crease to give it more emphasis, making his eyes appear larger and more doll-like. He uses darker brown shades slightly below his crease to give it a deeper look, continuously blending and layering each color as if he were drawing. Then he creates a gradient look as he adds black near his lash line and buffs it out. He picks up eyeliner and draws on a thin line on top of his lash line, fading it out at the ends with another brush to give his eyes a softer appearance while imitating the dark eyeliner he’d been wearing the past week. He adds a bit of sparkle at the inner corners of his eyes and a bit of brown on his lower waterline just because he feels like it. He then completes the look with some contour and concealer.

By the time he finishes, he's significantly more relaxed and satisfied with the outcome of his makeup. Despite being and looking like a thirteen-year-old, he was able to achieve a look he didn’t have until he was fifteen or sixteen. While he looks over his result, impressed that he still has his makeup skills, he catches sight of his hyungs gaze on him through the mirror and pauses for a second.

“Uh… I’m done” He calls out shyly. He doesn't know what they think of him, and frankly, he doesn't care because these boys don't know him at all. They don’t know the Jungkook who did his own makeup (they all learned how to do their own makeup and hair in their early 20s) or the Jungkook who cares about his looks because of its aesthetics. Although he's learned to live for himself, their thoughts don't matter as much as what their actions could be. He's more frightened that these naive and ignorant boys will say something hurtful, or push him away simply because they didn’t see the progress of Jungkook growing into adulthood.

“You look very pretty, Jungkook,” The stylist compliments. She's done styling Namjoon’s hair and is now fixing the hair products on the table to start on his makeup. Jungkook feels himself blush at the praise and wonders if it would be noticeable under the foundation.

“You’re very talented.” She hums. “I think I’ll let you keep that makeup on if you’d like?” 

Jungkook gazes pensively at his reflection, briefly settling his eyes on his hyungs before looking back at the noona. “I’ll keep this on,” he says shyly. “It’s different from others’ makeup.” He wonders what people will say about his makeup. Men at this time don’t wear this much makeup, less so if it gives their features a soft and gentle look like his. The style for both men and women are harsh lines of eyeliner and the occasional smokey eye with no dimensions from contour or too much contour that it makes the facial features too defined and too harsh. Jungkook never liked that style, and hopefully, the company will consider letting him wear this ‘new’ style that he always enjoyed wearing in the future more often.

“I told you that you are the golden maknae.” Comes a voice behind him. He quickly turns around, surprised at the proximity of the voice and sees Hoseok give him a half-smile. “You look really nice.”

“Thanks.”

“You would be able to pass off for a girl,” Yoongi says from across the room. “You just need a wig to complete the look.”

 

("What are you trying to accomplish? Huh? What do you think people would say about you looking like a girl?"

"I'm n-not," Jungkook weakly mutters, taking uneven breaths as he tries to control the tears falling down his cheeks.

"Because of you our careers are in danger." Yoongi moves over to the shelves near Jungkook's closet. "Why don't you stop acting like this and put your image first? Collecting all this makeup isn't going to help your career."

Jungkook's eyes widen when Yoongi reaches for the products neatly piled up. Afraid of what's going to happen, he throws his weight onto Yoongi, trying to get him away from all the products he spent a lot of money to collect. He's harshly shoved away onto a dresser. Jungkook winces at the pain that crawls up his back and shoulder but ignores it as he watches Yoongi approach the shelves in growing horror.

Their fights never got this violent. Usually, it was only disputing that ended when one of them walked away in anger. This, however, leaves Jungkook speechless as he watches his hyung push his things off from the shelves. The items themselves don't matter as much as the action that Yoongi decided to take. He's devastated that someone close to him would treat him like this.

He doesn't like it. He doesn't like that he never knows how to stand up for himself when it comes to Yoongi.)

 

Jungkook makes an offended noise. “There are women who have short hair.”

“You’re not denying that you look like a girl.”

“I don’t care if I look like a girl. That’s just what you think hyung.” It sounds mocking, but Jungkook doesn’t pay attention to his tone. He simply lets the anger he's long since locked away slowly come out of his system. He’s had enough of taking Yoongi’s taunting, no matter if its all from the memories he has of his hyung that hates people like him. “I think I look pretty and there’s nothing wrong with looking pretty.”

Yoongi huffs but says nothing else.

"Jungkook," Namjoon speaks from where he's seated and awkwardly letting the noona do his makeup. "I think you look very nice and if you were a girl, you would be very pretty."

Jungkook feels his annoyance and anger dissipate at the compliments and he beams at his hyung. It earns him an indulgent smile from their current leader complete with two dimples and a soft pink blush on his cheeks from shyness. Sometimes Jungkook wonders how this teen became their confident and supportive leader.

Feeling satisfied and more at ease, he glances over at Yoongi who glares at the table filled with makeup. He briefly notices Hoseok step out of the room with an outfit in hand, brushing by Yoongi who makes no reaction other than continuing to intently stare at the makeup products being applied on Namjoon's skin.

Jungkook doesn't like dealing with these kinds of attitudes that Yoongi is expressing. He's already lived through a decade of this and he doesn't need to live through more of it. Seeing this side of Yoongi is a painful reminder of the future where he cursed him and tried his hardest to put the maknae down.

He huffs, deciding to let the situation be and have Yoongi come to terms with what's happening. Jungkook won't be able to do much but nudge Yoongi into the right mentality and thinking process. For now, he'll ignore the feeling of shame and disappointment filling him up slowly.

He wishes that his hyungs will grow up and learn to accept him for once.

 

Jungkook stares at the containers in front of him. It’s too early in the morning to be awake, but Jungkook hasn’t been able to sleep the whole night and decided to wake up extra early to make food for the rappers. He's lucky that the three are heavy sleepers, or else they would have woken up the moment Jungkook started preparing breakfast.

‘They probably did wake up. Maybe they saw the hour and decided they didn’t wanna get up.’ Jungkook smiles at the thought, finally moving to pack the food into the lunch boxes.

There's familiarity in the small task, nostalgia tugging at him as he focuses on neatly packing the rice so that not even a grain is out of place. If he focuses closely enough, he can pretend he's at his apartment, getting ready to head over to the company to evaluate trainees. He did this often as a mentor at the company. Packing lunches was a job he took upon himself for the trainees who wouldn’t eat enough. He didn’t want the kids to have bad habits and live like Jungkook did when he was a trainee.

If he closes his eyes, he can pretend he's at the dorm he shared with the boys. He can pretend that it's one of those days when the group would be busy the whole day but the morning was free enough for Jungkook to make something filling and healthy. He would move back and forth in the kitchen as he scoops food up from the pan, or grabs snacks and drinks from the fridge. He would wipe everything down as one of the members walk in to serve themselves coffee that Jungkook would have already prepared because the boys can be grumpy in the morning --but if he satisfies them, then they'll go about the day not bickering the usual amount.

“Why are you awake so early in the morning?”

Jungkook jumps at the voice and whips his head around to see Namjoon outside the bathroom blinking his sharp eyes tiredly at the maknae.

“I’m making breakfast and packing lunch?” Jungkook places the spoon back with the leftover rice and reaches for the stir-fry still steaming in the pan. “Why are you awake?”

Namjoon looks at Jungkook with a face filled with confusion as he gazes back and forth between the bathroom and Jungkook, his hand holding the handle loosely. “The bathroom..?”

“Oh,” ‘duh’ Jungkook looks down at the stir-fry. “Well, I won’t keep you waiting.”

Confused, Namjoon walks into the bathroom and leaves Jungkook alone with his thoughts once again. 

Jungkook sighs, his shoulders slumping as he tries not to think of anything else other than the lunches he's packing. This is the first time he packs lunches for the boys. Whenever he gave Hoseok lunch, it was out of his own lunchbox, not a separate one that he prepared with the intention of giving it to Hoseok. However, now that they're in a group together, Jungkook can make sure the three rappers are eating full healthy meals all day, every day.

He just hoped these hyungs liked his cooking too.

“Do taste buds change between timelines?” he wonders out loud as he finishes packing lunch and moves to wash the dishes.

“Timelines are usually slightly different.” Jungkook jumps at the sudden voice and with a wet hand clutching his oversized --he’ll grow into it-- shirt he turns around to see Namjoon rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. “The differences can be small things like what someone prefers or if they have a medical problem. Or they could have lost a family member or be of a different gender. Maybe they don’t even exist.”

Namjoon shrugs and makes his way over to the counter and gazes at the four lunch boxes with curiosity. Jungkook watches him with his heart in his stomach and wonders briefly if Namjoon knows what's going on with Jungkook. ‘Has he been obvious? Is Namjoon experienced with this kind of stuff?’  His eyes widen as he continues to watch Namjoon open a lunchbox and see its contents. ‘Is it possible that Jungkook isn’t the only one to travel back in time?’

“How do you know all that?”

Namjoon looks up and gives him a shy smile, one that reveals his dimples and makes him look so young --so much softer than the adult who only glances his way for seconds at a time. “I just read a lot of things. There were theories on the internet about time traveling and dimensions. It was interesting so… yeah.”

“Oh… cool.” Jungkook looks away, not knowing how to break the awkward tension between them. Should he continue talking about time traveling? Should he just stay silent and hope the tension leaves on its own? What if he--

“Is that for us?” Namjoon asks. He points to the pancakes stacked neatly on a plate. Jungkook smiles and pushes the plate towards the teen. He looks hungry and who is Jungkook to deny his hyung some food?

“As long as you leave some for the other two.”

“Did you eat already?” Namjoon asks as Jungkook pulls a couple of plates out and hands one to Namjoon. As soon as he has a plate, Namjoon serves himself two pancakes and starts to add his chosen toppings, much to Jungkook's amusement. As an adult, Namjoon isn’t one to eat many sweets, but this Namjoon simply adds any sugar in view, and Jungkook can't help but hum in amusement.

“No, I have to wash the dishes first.” 

“You should eat first.” Namjoon insists, mouth already stuffed with a bite of pancake. “There won’t be enough later cause --oh! This is really good!”

“Thank you, but please don’t speak while eating, hyung.”

“Sorry. Anyway, the other two will probably eat everything before you can eat.” It's a valid argument. Yoongi may be skinny and eats in small and neat bites, but it doesn’t mean he eats any less than the other boys. And Hoseok? He always eats more than the half that Jungkook offers off of his lunchbox.

“You’re right.” After throwing one finger gun at Namjoon for his intellectual reasoning, Jungkook sits down and enjoys a comfortable --albeit still a little awkward-- breakfast in silence.

 

---

 

2022

(“It’s a good offer, you know.”

Jungkook glances up before looking down at his hands playing with the hem of his shirt. “I don’t need the offer,” He sighs and bites the inside of his cheek. “I already have my own songs and projects, I don’t need my own debut.”

He doesn’t have to look at Jimin to know that the man’s gaze is fixed on him. “Is that what you think?”

It sounds accusatory even if Jimin doesn’t mean for it to come out like that. Jungkook only furrows his eyebrows and looks up to meet Jimin’s eyes. “Yes? I just said what I think.”

“It’s not all you’re thinking.” Jimin glares at Jungkook when he opened his mouth to retaliate. “I’ve known you for years Jungkook, I can tell when you aren’t sharing what’s on your mind.”

Jungkook grumbles with a pout and hold Jimin’s gaze for a few more seconds before sighing in frustration. “I don’t want to have a solo debut.”

“Why?”

“I want to be with the group.”

Jungkook watches as Jimin’s expressions change. He grimaces, looking away, and then bites his cheek with furrowed eyebrows. “We won’t last much longer.”

It's said so simply, so bluntly that Jungkook wants to yell out of dissatisfaction because he doesn’t want to think about it. He doesn’t want to believe that an end is coming for them. He doesn’t want to think about being alone and wants to keep them as close to him as possible, for just a little longer. Just until Jungkook is sure he can help them. Until he can fix this.

“You’re better off starting a career on your own so the transition between BTS and your solo isn’t so sudden and -”

“I don’t want to!” Jimin flinches at the outburst, his gaze softening as he watches Jungkook cling to hope in a desperate attempt to be happy.

“Having a solo debut makes me feel like BTS will disband sooner. It makes me think that I’ll be pushing you all away when all I want is to be as close to you as possible until I can’t. I don’t want a solo debut! Not now and not in the future!”

Jimin furrows his eyebrows as Jungkook breathes heavily, trying his best to calm down. “And when we aren’t a group? What are you gonna do? Singing is your life.”

A frown makes its way to Jungkook’s lips, they quiver --whether out of fear or sadness, Jimin has no idea--  and his eyes water before he looks straight into Jimin’s eyes. “A long time ago BTS became my life. I don’t need another one. I lived for this life and will continue to live for you hyungs. All I want now is for us to be together without the fighting. If I end up becoming a nobody after BTS ends, then that’s fine by me.”

“Singing is not the only thing in my life now. BTS is.”)

 

---

 

When Jungkook brings Seokjin to a morning dance session with Jimin, he expects the two teens to get along well like they had the first time around. He thought that Seokjin would gain a friend other than Jungkook and that Jimin would befriend another person he can seek out for advice or comfort.

However, his hyungs always find ways to exceed his expectations. The meeting between Seokjin and Jimin is one that makes him regret ever bringing the two within the vicinity of one another.

Their introductions are fine. They're both shy but soon grow comfortable with each other as Jungkook helps both boys go through some of the choreography they learned the previous day. He's glad the meeting is going well and he can't wait until Hoseok joins them with Yoongi and Namjoon behind him --because what better way to teach two boys with no dancing experience than with a third student and a third dancer? (He ignores the longing in his heart for a chance to see them bond without the lingering animosity waiting to pounce in a moment of weakness.)

Jungkook soon wonders if the two teens have become too comfortable in each other's presence.

“You’re really bad at hip hop.” 

Jungkook cringes at the words, whipping his head towards Jimin to make sure there isn’t too much of a negative reaction. The one thing he's been trying to reassure Jimin of is that there will be no harsh comments between them, only constructive criticism. Jin, however, just made all of that fly out the window not even one hour into practice.

“Ah, Jimin is still trying to get used to hip hop." Jungkook flails his hands in front of him as he speaks "You see, he’s very skilled at contemporary dance, which is very different from what we’re learning. This is why we meet up in the morning for extra practice.” Jungkook tries to explain, not wanting Jimin to feel insecure after Jungkook and Hoseok spent the past few days giving him confidence. He really should have set constructive criticism rules before they began. Now there's going to be chaos.

“Well, he needs it.”

Jungkook gapes at Seokjin’s sudden unabashed behavior, wondering what made him point out Jimin’s flaws right in front of him. Seokjin is making it harder for Jungkook to control the situation. All Jungkook can do is try to defend Jimin and try to get Seokjin to understand that he shouldn’t be so mean to other trainees. He understands that Seokjin is currently being criticized by their dance instructor, but he shouldn't be doing the same to other trainees unless he's deliberately trying to get on people's bad side (which Jungkook highly doubted.)

“Not as much as you, I’m sure.”

Jungkook quickly turns to gape at Jimin. His (currently) youngest hyung is giving Seokjin a playful smile, a contrast to the malicious glare he is looking at their hyung with. Jungkook honestly can’t recall if Jimin had this kind of attitude the first time around. Jimin is a kind boy that takes what he gets from others and doesn’t say anything that will offend others. He's someone who would complain, but not someone who would call out other people’s bullshit or even be so straightforward as to point out other people’s flaws.

“I’m not the one that looks like a try-hard,” Seokjin shoots back, throwing a sassy glare at Jimin, who’s jaw clenches in anger.

“At least I have experience in some type of dancing. I’m not the one that looks like a noodle.”

Jungkook looks back and forth between his two hyungs, wondering exactly how he's going to fix this. He would have been fine with trying to placate just Seokjin --with some struggle to prevent Jimin from crying or something. However, now that Jimin joined in on the roasting, Jungkook wasn’t so confident in his ability to diffuse the tension. (He never could in the past.)

“You should learn to respect your hyungs, little boy.”

“And you should go back to your mother for a lesson on manners.”

“I can’t believe this,” Jungkook mutters, running a hand down his face. He rubs at the bridge of his nose as he listens to his hyungs argue.

They aren't showing signs of a physical fight so he doesn't have to prepare to throw himself between them. They also look just a little bit playful. Their remarks don't have much heat in them, so maybe they don't mean their words? It almost reminds him of the times Seokjin would annoy Jungkook just to kill time and start play-fighting. 

"Hey, Jungkookie. Who's that?"

Jungkook yells in surprise at the sudden voice, drawing the attention of the bickering teens.

"Oh hyung! Please don't scare me like that!" Hoseok chuckles at Jungkook's reaction before turning back to Seokjin and flashing him a smile. "Oh! This is Seokjin hyung! He just recently joined the company!"

Jungkook smiles as the four eldest greet one another. He barely notices Jimin come up beside him to softly whisper "Are those your groupmates?"

He nods in confirmation and moves to quickly introduce Jimin to the two rappers before he claps his hands together in a show of stifled excitement and addresses all his hyungs.

"So, now that we’re all here; let’s start dancing?" Jungkook briefly eyes Seokjin and Jimin with a shaky smile before moving his gaze to the three rappers. 

There's well-hidden excitement bubbling within Namjoon. He holds curiosity and anticipation as everyone moves to stretch and begin warmups to gauge everyone's current skill. Jungkook smiles to himself softly, barely noticeable as he watches his three inexperienced hyungs move their uncoordinated limbs.

There's something endearing in the way Seokjin furrows his eyebrows, in the small pouts Namjoon makes as he tries to match Hoseok’s movements. Even Yoongi who acts like he's too cool to be here is sighing whenever he notices that he isn’t matching up with Hoseok.

They all work well together. They all slowly start fitting with one another like puzzle pieces. It amazes Jungkook how well they all work, how easy it is to coexist with them all like this. It shouldn’t be very shocking, but this is something new. Its so different from the BTS he remembers. (So different from the nightmares that sometimes invade his sweet honey-like dreams.) He wonders if maybe this is the BTS he should start to remember.

Maybe it will be best if he forgets the insults and yelling; if he recalls only the simple times --as rare as they were-- that they had in between the fights. They are, after all, the few times he was truly happy.

 

---

 

(“One of these days my limbs are gonna fall off, and what then?” Yoongi groans as he lays on the floor next to Jin who also moans from sore muscles. “Am I still gonna have to dance?”

Jimin giggles and rests his head against Taehyung’s shoulder as they sit against the mirrors, “Knowing Hobi hyung, he’d figure out how to put your limbs back together.”

A scoff comes from Yoongi as Jin laughs, throwing his arm wildly to smack Yoongi in the stomach and causing the other to push Jin away in hopes he rolls to the other side of the practice room. However, Yoongi is too weak to do anything else but nudge the eldest and elicit more laughter.

“Hyung would probably get Kookie and Namjoon hyung to help him put Yoongi hyung back together.”

“You’re right,” Jimin agrees easily, playing with Taehyung’s fingers as the other closes his eyes and tries to relax.

“I think Hobi hyung would freak out over loose limbs scattered in the practice room.” Jungkook cuts in from where he lays sprawled over Namjoon’s lap on the floor. 

“What if I lost them on the bed?” Jin groans as more commentary is thrown around the room.

“Wouldn’t there be blood then? Wouldn’t you die of blood loss or something?” Taehyung cuts in.

“Would it be losing if you would be right there with your limbs?” Namjoon wonders out loud.

“I’m more concerned over Jungkook insinuating that Yoongi hyung’s limbs would have flown across the room or something for them to be ‘scattered in the practice room’” Hoseok finally speaks up, amusement evident on his face with the way his lips curl up at the corners as the group talks.

“Also hyung?” A hum comes from Yoongi who opens his eyes to look at Hoseok squatting by his head. “I’d always find a way to make you dance.”

Yoongi grumbles in response as the others laugh and continue to tease.)

 

---

 

Jungkook sighs as he stares up at the ceiling. He's laying on the couch, alone in the dorm because Namjoon and Yoongi are busy producing, and Hoseok is probably dancing; which leaves Jungkook bored after he realized he has nothing of importance to do. He could be dancing, maybe practice his singing --he has to work on his technique because this body was not used to belting out notes without going off pitch the moment he decides to move just a little too much-- however, he has no motivation to do anything at all so here he lays, thinking the hours away.

“You look like you lost the will to live.”

Jungkook yells as he sits up in fright. When he makes eye contact with Yoongi he lets out a sigh of relief. “You scared me hyung!”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to.” He flashes a small smile and takes a seat on the couch as Jungkook shifts so he's cross-legged on one end of the couch.

“Weren’t you supposed to be with Namjoon?” Yoongi raises an eyebrow at Jungkook who very hesitantly speaks again, “...hyung? C’mon, he isn’t even here.”

“You should still use honorifics.”

Jungkook sighs at the response and is about to speak again when Yoongi replies to his question. “I got frustrated with the song and Namjoon told me to come here so I can clear my head a bit.”

“Well? Is it clear?” Yoongi gives him a deadpan expression that sends Jungkook into a fit of giggles. “I’m kidding, hyung.”

Silence settles between them, one that leaves Jungkook to stare at his hyung in wonder. This is so new to him; almost foreign territory. To have such an easygoing conversation with Yoongi was rare just a few months ago, but now, this is all he will have with him if Jungkook continues to find opportunities to talk to him. There will be awkward moments, that Jungkook is sure of. There will be moments when Jungkook won’t know how to approach Yoongi and vice versa. However, if he's honest with himself, Jungkook prefers the awkward silence over the deafening silence that followed the two around as adults too prideful to apologize or make amends.

The tension between them doesn’t exist. Right now there are only stilted conversations and uncomfortable shuffling as they figure out how to work around and with one another. It's almost like meeting Yoongi the first time around. (When Yoongi was wary about befriending Jungkook because of the age gap. When Jungkook was too shy to initiate conversations with the hyung that felt too intimidating.) Its also a bit disorienting because now he has to adjust himself to a Yoongi that keeps his words kind and tries his best to appear approachable. Yoongi tries to open up --no matter how little-- and will listen to Jungkook when he says something to inform the older teen --if begrudgingly, but its something.

“So did you lose the will to live? You were just spacing out when I got here. I thought you were gonna be with Hoseok or something.” Jungkook shrugs in response while watching Yoongi turn to him with sharp eyes, but they aren’t filled with malice; they're kind and curious. Before Yoongi can ask him to elaborate Jungkook opens his mouth.

“I’ve been dancing a lot lately, and I’m also feeling really unmotivated, so I just decided to rest for one night. ‘To clear my head’ as Namjoon hyung put it.”

Yoongi huffs in amusement as he looks at the floor. “It looked more like you were stuffing it full of thoughts.” Jungkook gives a sheepish smile. He isn’t wrong that Jungkook spent the past hour thinking about anything that came to mind; both useless and important.

“I guess I was.” Jungkook shifts his body so he hugs his knees to his chest and looks down at the space between himself and Yoongi. “I’m just a little scared about the future.”

There's a gentle hum of acknowledgment before silence envelop the two boys once more. It frightens Jungkook to admit something like that. It doesn’t matter that he already lived it, or that he hopes for a better future. He feels as though he will always feel some degree of fright for the future. Admitting it makes it all the more frightening. He doesn’t usually admit when something frightens him. To be honest, he doesn’t have many fears, except losing his hyungs --which happened once, and he sure as hell is not going to let that happen ever again.

Yoongi turns to face him, startling Jungkook out of his thoughts once more. “Is it because you don’t know what will happen?”

“Uh, kind of?” Jungkook purses his lips before continuing, “Partly because I don’t know if my work is enough for the future.”

“As in, for example,” Yoongi squints his eyes at his hands in thought, “if you had a test tomorrow and you aren’t sure if all the studying was enough to prepare you?”

Jungkook tilts his head in thought. “Yeah, something like that. I feel like it’s a bit more of if everything I did was enough for me to get to that point in the future.”

Yoongi scrunches his nose as he tries to understand. “Are you worthy of that future? Is that what you mean?”

There's silence as Jungkook thinks about it. Its the closest to what he's thinking, but it excludes all the other worries he has. It isn’t just himself he thought of. What if all the preparations he gave the group isn’t enough to prevent the one future he already lived? What if they reach the point where they can’t stand being around one another --again? What if no matter how many tries he gets he can never change that point in the timeline? What if that happiness isn’t something he deserves? What if this isn’t a future meant for them?

Jungkook grimaces at the last thought.

“I think anyone is worthy of a future they’ve worked hard to achieve,” Yoongi speaks up, looking back at his hands. “One can never know what the future is gonna bring, and we don’t know if we’ll ever be ready for any future. We’re not gods, we can’t dictate what can or can’t happen, but we can make choices to hopefully shove our future on the right path. I think, for you, you just have to think that you are worthy of that future. Especially if it’s a good one.”

Jungkook blinks at the teen in wonder. He had forgotten how encouraging and thorough Yoongi can be. He always says the wisest words no matter how simple they are. (No matter how blunt and harsh he could be) “Huh. You really have a way with words, hyung.”

Yoongi stays silent, but Jungkook can see the tips of his ears turn a visible shade of pink. He’d forgotten how shy this Yoongi was --is. Neither one is used to compliments or the like, but he did always seem to bask in the positivity when given to him.

They sit for a few moments of silence. Its progress, very little, but it's something that leads Jungkook closer to forming a friendship.

Jungkook takes the time to ponder over Yoongi’s earlier words. He will always be scared of the future no matter how much he tries not to think of it, but what he does with that fright can help shape the future into a good one. Hopefully this time he can focus on BTS on its own. Hopefully, he never has to let that family go, even after they inevitably disband. Maybe this time, in the future, he can make music for the rest of his life and not feel like he’s leaving the part of BTS Jungkook behind him. But first, he has to make that family a reality.

He stands up and places his hands on his hips, a soft smile on his lips as he looks down at Yoongi. “Do you want some ramen? I make pretty good ramen.”

Yoongi’s big gummy smile is all he needs to make some food for the two.

 

---

 

Jungkook watches as Jimin and Seokjin bicker with one another. He isn’t too concerned about their friendship as he was the first time he introduced the two to one another. It's a new dynamic between the two that Jungkook can respect. It reminds him of the relationship he once had with Seokjin. The nostalgia of it leaves a bittersweet taste in him. ‘Will he ever have that bond with Seokjin again?’ it's a thought he decides to ponder on another time.

“Uhm… Jungkook?” Jimin’s sweet voice snaps Jungkook out of his thoughts. He looks over at Jimin who picks at the reheated bulgogi in the shared lunch box with Jungkook. The teen doesn’t look up and bites his lip before speaking once more. “Uh, can I bring a friend over to practice with us?”

Jungkook tilts his head to the side, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion and a smile dancing on his lips in mild amusement as he blinks at the older boy. “Why are you asking me?”

“Because you and Hoseok hyung are the ones who invite people to dance with you. I figured you were both like, leaders of the dance thing, I don’t know. I thought I would need your permission or something.” Jimin rambles shyly.

“I didn’t think of that,” Jungkook looks up at the ceiling in thought before turning back to Jimin. He looks a bit more relaxed, but he still seems a bit tense. “Who’s your friend?”

“His name’s Kim Taehyung, I don’t know if you know him, but he’s a trainee here and we have the same classes.” A small smile makes its way to Jimin’s face and Jungkook notices he's so distracted the teen doesn’t notice Seokjin started taking some of the meat on Jimin’s side of the lunchbox. Scrunching his nose, Jungkook fights Seokjin’s chopsticks with his own. He spent too much time making enough for Jimin and Seokjin so he doesn’t want the eldest to start stealing Jimin’s portions. 

“We met during lunch in school. He’s very nice.” Jungkook briefly glances at Jimin and wonders if the happiness and endearment Jimin wears around Taehyung had been there since the very beginning. He always wanted to know why that was the case.

“He makes you happy.” Jungkook feels his chopsticks slip and whips his head around to see Seokjin expertly maneuvering his chopsticks to take two small slices of meat. Frowning, Jungkook piles the rest of the meat on his side so Seokjin can’t reach it and take more. The eldest simply smiles cheekily at him.

“Well,” Jimin speaks up, still unaware of the battle happening in front of him. “He stood up for me when my classmates were being mean. I tried ignoring them, but Taehyung told them he wasn’t going to talk to them if they weren’t talking to me like a friend.”

Jungkook nods jerkily, glancing down at the chopsticks in his hand. It's easy for Taehyung to say those things (So easy for him to say anything without a care about Jungkook’s feelings.) he's always been kind and stands up for those that don’t know how to. That's why Jimin and Taehyung get along so well. They both learn from one another and defend each other when needed. They are so alike and yet fight so frequently over the smallest things, Jungkook doesn’t really understand them.

“He sounds like a good kid,” Seokjin comments. Jimin nods and turns to Jungkook with hopeful eyes.

“Can he join us for practice?”

“Yeah, sure. I don’t mind. I’m sure Hoseok hyung wouldn’t mind either.” Jungkook flashes a small smile that Jimin returns with a wide grin. It's nice to see Jimin so happy. It's more reassuring to hear that he made a friend who would defend him when he didn’t or couldn’t defend himself. No matter what Jungkook thinks, he will try his best to make all of his hyungs happy.

“Hyung! Did you eat all of my meat?!”

Jungkook sighs and rolls his eyes as the two start bickering again.