Work Text:
Vers always felt like something was missing. The memories of her past, yes––she knew that was completely gone. But something else, something important, like an entire piece of her, was missing; it felt like phantom limb, like she knew whatever it was was gone, but she couldn’t help but feel like it was just there at the same time.
She never told Yon-Rogg; he wouldn’t understand. He maintained that being fixated on her lost memories would compromise her. He wanted her to let go of the past, but how could she? How could she let it go when something so important felt just out of reach, just on the tip of her tongue, like if she stretched a little further she’d catch it?
***
“Bail out, bail out!”
The lever came off in her hand as she yanked at it, their seats staying put in the plane. Carol swore under her breath and grabbed the joystick with both hands; she was going to have to do an emergency landing.
“Stay with me, Lawson!” Carol yelled. The ground was approaching fast. “This’ll be rough!”
Carol knew she had to focus. Dr. Lawson’s life depended on her––her own life depended on her. But her thoughts strayed to Maria and their beautiful little girl. If she didn’t make it through this, if she couldn’t land…no. No, Carol couldn’t leave them behind. She had to get through this.
For Maria and Monica.
***
If Vers was being honest with herself, it was a little suspicious that there were absolutely no records of her. Yon-Rogg had told her they’d recovered her, the lone survivor, after a skrull attack on one of the empire’s fringe planets; he’d said that all records had been destroyed during the battle. But they’d never even attempted to recover any information on her family, let alone identify her.
“What’s the point in delving deeper?” he would ask whenever she brought it up. “It’s in the past now––you need to let it go. That part of your life is dead and gone. You’re with us, now.”
The Supreme Intelligence housed records of all kree citizens and their planets. Surely, even if the records on her homeworld were destroyed, a backup existed on the Supreme Intelligence’s servers?
Vers never dared to ask.
***
It took her a few tries, but eventually Monica managed to blow out all five candles on her cake.
“Yay!” Carol cheered, clapping enthusiastically as Monica beamed back at her.
“I hope you made a wish, baby,” Maria said, picking up the large knife to start cutting into the cake. “And I hope it was a good one.”
“I did! I made a wish! Can I tell you what it was?”
Carol handed Maria a plate, picking up the first slice she cut. “You’re not supposed to tell us, sweetie,” she said. “They say it won’t come true if you tell someone.”
Monica seemed to consider this for a moment, eagerly tucking into the cake that Carol placed in front of her. “What if,” she said after a moment, “my wish was about you? Can I tell you?”
“Me?” Carol raised an eyebrow and glanced at Maria––she shrugged back, equally confused. “Well, now that I know it’s about me, I just have to know.”
“I wished that your dad would stop being a stupid-head and call you!”
Carol couldn’t even think of how to respond; she just stood there, taken aback.
“Monica!” Maria chided. “We’ve been through this!”
Monica set down her fork and crossed her arms, pouting. “But it’s not fair! Auntie Carol is the awesomest person. I don’t understand why her dad doesn’t understand!”
“Sweetie,” Maria said, “sometimes...sometimes people don’t understand why other people do things, and they treat us differently. But what matters is we have each other––we are her family.”
Carol smiled, grasping Maria’s hand and hugging Monica’s shoulders with her other arm. Maria was right; even if her father never got passed his prejudiced ways, she didn’t need him.
“You two are all I need.”
***
Vers sprinted down the corridors of the skrull ship, bare feet slapping against the cold metal flooring. A million things ran through her head: how to get the binds off her hands, was she unconscious for long, how far were they from Torfa, was Starforce following or was she on her own… But loudest of all, she wondered what the hell had Talos done to her mind?
Those couldn’t be her memories. C-53 was not a part of the Kree Empire; Vers grew up on a kree world. The girl in her mind was terran; Vers was kree. Why would the skrull general try to feed her these lies?
And yet…aside from Lawson, two other faces she’d seen in those fake memories seemed familiar. Like a missing puzzle piece.
Her eyes darted down various branches of the corridor as she passed them, assessing them for escape routes. A group of skrulls appeared behind her, hot on her heels. Another group ran towards her, effectively blocking her off in a pincer move she should have expected.
Vers huffed. It was show time.
“Say, you wouldn’t know how to get these things off, would you?”
***
“And just what do you two think you’re doing out here?”
Carol glanced at Monica, who grinned mischievously; she winked conspiratorially back. “We just have our heads in the sky, is all,” Carol said.
“Come on!” Maria urged, walking further out onto the patio. “It’s dinner time! Don’t you want to spend any time with Mama and Papaw, Monica?”
Monica eagerly jumped to her feet, scurrying past her mother and back inside the house at the mention of her grandparents. “I do, I do!”
Carol stood and approached Maria, putting on an innocent expression. “She wanted to look at some stars,” she said, shrugging.
Maria rolled her eyes fondly. “Putting dreams of flying in my daughter’s head already, Carol?”
“Never too early to start, right?” Carol smiled and circled her arms around Maria’s shoulders. “And ‘your’ daughter?”
“I did carry her,” Maria said. She chuckled and leaned into Carol’s embrace. “But, about that…”
Carol tightened her arms around her. “We don’t have to tell them tonight, Maria. It’s all right. Monica still calls me ‘auntie,’ anyway, so they won’t tell the difference.”
Maria sighed, her posture relaxing as she released the tension she’d been holding, and removed herself from Carol’s hold. “Thank you,” she said. She kissed Carol chastely––a quick peck––and stepped away again. “I’m just not ready, yet.”
“It’s okay, Maria. I understand.”
“I love you,” Maria said.
“I love you, too.”
***
Agent Fury claimed they had another hour until they reached wherever Pegasus was, though Vers had no idea how he could tell––the desert around them looked exactly the same as what she’d driven through to get to Pancho’s. The unadvanced transportation on C-53 was beginning to annoy her, being used to the highspeeds of Hala’s mass transit and the dropship (whenever-Yon Rogg actually let her take one on a training exercise), but this would do. At least Agent Fury was doing the driving and she didn’t have to deal with trying to decipher the primitive map again.
To pass the time, they exchanged basic facts of their planets; Fury spoke fondly of C-53, and Vers felt a kindred spirit. She knew that like her, Fury would go to great lengths to protect his homeworld.
While she listened to him talk, Vers kept one ear on what he called the “radio,” entertained by what passed for music here; the music back on Hala couldn’t even compare. She kept fiddling with the dial to get signal from another “station,” switching between them after every song to get a taste of different terran music genres.
The latest one she settled on sounded familiar. Too familiar. Almost as if she’d heard it before...
***
Pancho’s was as packed as usual, the smell of fried food and beer permeating the bar and hitting them like a wall as soon as Carol followed Maria in.
“Looks like we’ve stumbled upon ABBA night,” Maria remarked.
Carol had to laugh; someone was singing Waterloo for karaoke, the bartenders were dressed in bright suits with bell-bottoms, and a disco ball had been hung above every pool table.
“Maybe they’ve rebranded,” Carol joked. “We haven’t been back here in so long, maybe someone with a soft spot for ABBA took it over.”
“Mhmm.” Maria guided them over to the bar, one hand on Carol’s elbow (Carol tried not to think too hard on how her hand lingered, even after they’d sat down). “First round is on me!”
This was their first night out since Monica had been born; because Maria’s parents were in town, Carol had finally convinced Maria that Monica would be totally fine if she was left alone with her grandparents. She was nearing one year of age, after all.
They settled in at the bar for a few rounds before Carol exchanged a dollar for some tokens to play Space Invader. After someone’s particularly terrible performance of Dancing Queen, Carol had almost forgotten entirely about the karaoke until she heard Maria’s voice over the mic.
“If you change your mind, I’m the first in line. Honey I’m still free––take a chance on me! If you need me let me know, gonna be around, if you’ve got not place to go, if you’re feeling down. If you’re all alone when the pretty birds have flown, honey I’m still free––take a chance on me!”
Carol lost that particular game, too busy listening to Maria. Maria bowed exaggeratedly to everyone’s cheers when the song ended and caught Carol’s eye, grinning; Carol’s stomach flipped, never tired of Maria’s smile.
She needed some air.
She flashed Maria a thumbs up and gestured that she was stepping outside for a minute. The cool desert air was a relief––she could practically feel her mind clearing and her heart rate calming. What was wrong with her? They’d been best friends for years, doing karaoke and coming to Pancho’s for so long. All those years, Carol had been able to keep her feelings in check. It had been a long time since their last outing, and maybe she was just out of practice? Maria’s song choice for karaoke didn’t really help; it was ironic just how well the lyrics of Take a Chance on Me reflected how Carol felt. But Maria could never know that, because Carol couldn’t ruin their friendship by acting on her feelings.
“Carol?” Maria asked, exiting the bar and coming to stand beside her. “Are you okay?”
Carol shrugged. “I’m fine, Maria. It was just getting a little stuffy in there––it’s been a while, I think I kind of forgot how small Pancho’s can be with that many people.”
“Okay,” Maria said, obviously unconvinced. “But thank you for convincing me to come out tonight. I’m having fun.” She took Carol’s hand in hers, squeezing it tightly.
“Of course.” Carol smiled at her. “Not that I don’t love Monica, but even mothers need a night out once in a while, right?”
“Right.” Maria squeezed her hand again, but still didn’t let go.
They stood there silently for a few minutes, just observing, as the sounds of muted ABBA floated through the windows to break the silence of the quiet night around them.
“Carol,” Maria said, cautiously. “You know I love you, right?”
Carol turned to her, and half-smiled. “Of course. I love you, too.”
“I mean it,” Maria said. “I love you.”
“Oh.”
***
The front door creaked open and footsteps clapped across the wooden porch.
“Okay,” Carol said. “Let me have it.”
“Have what?” Maria responded, sitting down on the step next to her.
“What you think of my plans,” she said. “Of me leaving to help Talos and his family find a new home.”
Maria shuffled closer so their thighs were lightly brushing. “What I think isn’t going to change anything,” she said.
Carol sighed. “But I still want to know.”
“Fine,” Maria said. “I...you know Monica would love having you back. She’d love it if you stayed.”
Carol turned to her then, holding her gaze for a long moment. “And you?”
Maria took a deep breath, inhaling slowly, before responding. “It’s been six years, Carol. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry about me.”
“But I do,” Carol said. She moved one hand to Maria’s face, caressing her cheek. “Not...not all of my memories are back. But I remember enough––I know that I love you. I know that I care, that I worry. But at the same time, those six years gone are still in my head and I...I know that it’s been a long time. I know that you...you might feel differently.”
“Carol…” Maria took her hand in her own, placing a kiss on its palm before intertwining their fingers. “I love you. Nothing has changed that, and nothing will change that. I’m just used to doing this on my own now, is all.”
“But you shouldn’t have to,” Carol said. She felt tears welling up in her eyes and tried to blink them away. “I should’ve been there for you––both of you. And I want to stay, I do, but...Talos and his family need me. And I can’t sit idly by when I know there are so many of them, and other peoples like them, separated and in need of a home. I know how it feels to have nowhere to go––to have no family to support you and no home. These people, they’re out there because of the Supreme Intelligence and other tyrants like it. I have to help.” She sighed. “Yet at the same time, I know my family is here.”
Maria smiled at her; unlike Carol, she made no effort to blink away the tears and didn’t wipe away the one that escaped to roll down her cheek. “That’s the Carol Danvers I know. I told you––you were the most powerful person I ever knew long before you had these powers. When there were lives at stake, you’d put your own life on the line. That’s the Carol Danvers I know and love, and that is you.”
She hugged her free arm around Carol’s shoulders and Carol leaned into her, resting her head on Maria’s shoulder. It felt comfortable, but more importantly it felt familiar, after so many years of blank memories.
“Maria...you know I have to go.”
“Of course I know,” Maria said. “You’re going to go out there and avenge these people. Kick some ass, take some names. They didn’t call you ‘Avenger’ for no reason. Just promise me one thing?”
“Anything,” Carol said immediately. She sat up to look Maria in the eyes so that she would know how serious Carol was.
“Promise me you’ll be back. Promise me you won’t keep us in the dark again.” She hesitated for a beat, then added, quieter: “Promise me I won’t lose you again.”
Carol pressed a chaste kiss to Maria’s forehead.
“You won’t. I promise––I’ll be back in no time.”