Chapter Text
THE PRESENT.
“Hold on!” Katsuki screams, voice raw from crying. “Please, fuck, hold on, hold on , don’t you fucking dare let go!”
His entire body is shaking from the exertion, his hands gripping at Deku’s as if they’re a lifeline.
Which they are.
Deku’s body dangles from the edge of the cliff, muscles trembling as he stares up at Katsuki desperately through the tears, shuddery sobs wracking his body.
“Kacchan, Kacchan, I can’t, it hurts —” he cries, gasping for breath. Deku’s small hands slip another inch from Katsuki’s grasp, and the green-haired boy yelps in terror.
“You have to!” Katsuki pleads, scrambling forwards as far as he can without falling himself. “Deku, you fucking have to, you understand? You can’t leave me, you damn nerd, I- I love you, okay? I fucking love you!”
The confession is hurried, and laced with regret, with grief. They both—
They both know that Deku won’t—
“Kacchan,” Deku manages, and he’s whispering now ( Why the fuck is he whispering? Is he giving up? No, no, no, don’t give up, don’t —). “Kacchan, I love you too. I hope you’ll forgive me, one day.”
“What are you fucking saying? You don’t have anything to be sorry f—“
The words are almost out of Katsuki’s mouth when he realises it (when he realises it too late).
Deku falls.
THE PAST.
“Kacchan, give it back!” Deku begs, reaching up on tiptoe and grabbing for the piece of paper in vain. Katsuki is taller, and the nerd can’t reach his height, try as he might.
“Aww, does the little nerd have a crush?” Katsuki croons maliciously, a cruel grin painting his features. “Doodling some poor girl’s name in hearts? Writing some sappy love poem, were you, shitty Deku? Always knew you were a fucking creep.” His friends laugh at the insults, one of them pointing out the tears in his eyes.
“He’s crying!” the black-haired one crows. “Sixteen year old crybaby!”
Katsuki chuckles at the name, eyes fixed on Deku’s.
“Crybaby,” he repeats, waving the piece of paper in front of the nerd teasingly, only to pull back each time Deku lunges for it. “What’s so secret, Deku? Won’t you tell your Kacchan who you’re stalking?”
He squints at the writing as it’s held up to the light, the page safely away from Deku as he skims through it.
‘I miss the smile you put on my face, a smile that all these years have erased, and whilst I know you don’t feel what I do, I wanted to tell you—’
The writing is smudged at the end, but the name on the other side is not.
‘For Kacchan <3’
And suddenly, it’s not quite so amusing anymore. His mouth runs dry as the smirk slips from his face, replaced with a fearsome frown.
“What the fuck is the meaning of this, Deku?” Katsuki hisses. “You think this shit is funny?”
“N-no, I—” the nerd stutters, face a deathly pale white.
“How fucking dare you mock me like that?” Katsuki roars, a cloud of anger blinding his emotions. He is livid . “Don’t think for a second that I’ll let you stand there and look down on me!”
Katsuki crumples the paper into a ball, and steps into Deku’s space, so that the only thing in his immediate vision is the nerd’s petrified expression.
“You’re a sick piece of work, you know that?” he says, voice dangerously low as he follows the direction of Deku’s eyes with his own so that the boy has no choice but to look back up at him. “If I didn’t fucking know better, I’d say you like the pain. But you don’t, do you? So let me tell you this: we will never be friends again. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to be near you, I don’t even want to fucking lay eyes on your worthless face. You stay the fuck away from me, and I stay the fuck away from you. Come near me again, and you won’t be so goddamn lucky. Got it?”
Deku makes a noise akin to a whimper, but nods, tears trailing down his cheeks.
“Yes, Kacchan.”
-
It’s that night that Katsuki has his first hallucination.