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Tome and Shou - dubbed a pair of troublemakers - are playing Minecraft when a particularly loud wheeze from Reigen gives them an idea.
“Alright, Tome, we've gotta be quick! Into Reigen's house and then right out,” Shou whispers, except it's very loud and just barely unheard by Reigen himself. Tome opens the door to his gravel house only to see a sign. “This says… ‘you're very handsome to me - serizawa'- Serizawa?! ”
Tome and Shou look from their screens and turn to each other. “Holy shit,” Tome whispers. Shou nods, glancing to Reigen before looking back at the screen.
“We've got to get to the bottom of this.”
The duo walk further into the poorly made house with crafting tables littered everywhere, only to see another room full of signs. “That's… a lot of love notes.” Tome's eyebrows raise in surprise, eyes scanning for any particular keywords. It's a lot of compliments, with the scattered ‘love’. “They aren't together… so do you think Serizawa has a crush?”
“Obviously! Serizawa is a poor lovesick fool!” Shou yells, before turning to Reigen’s desk to see if he heard. Reigen's unresponsive, lost in thought or… something like that. He internally cheers in relief and spins to face Tome, grinning ear to ear. “You know what that means we hafta do?”
“We gotta set up Serizawa with Reigen.” Tome smiles and screenshots the room full of notes. Shou laughs and takes his own screenshot. I'll have to send this to Ricchan later. Partners in crime!
Reigen yawns, before turning in his desk chair. “Hey you two, mind if I join? I just finished the paperwork up.” Their eyes widen.
“Sorry, but we were just getting off.” Shou says as he logs out. Tome giggles and logs out herself, shutting the laptop screen and flashing Reigen a peace sign.
“Me and Shou are going to go hang out with Teruki, call us if you need anything!” She rushes out, leaving Shou to pack up and quickly follow behind her.
Reigen sighs. “What are they up to?”
-
Shou bursts through Teruki’s door yelling, “Guess what we just found!” Tome follows him in. Inside, Ritsu seems unaffected by the sudden entrance, while Teruki and Mob seem awkwardly separated on the couch. “Our dad likes your dad!”
The couch creaks as Teruki jolts up, grinning. “Well our dad likes your dad too! I have this as proof.” He holds out his phone, showing a picture of love notes scattered in Serizawa's mansion. Shou grins and takes out his phone. Quickly scrolling through photos, he shows Teruki the screenshot of Reigen’s sad house.
“We gotta get them together,” Teruki decides, and Ritsu holds out his hands. He gives the trio an incredulous look before turning to his brother, who looks just as invested in the idea as his friends.
“Are you telling me… they aren't already together?”
Shou scoffs. “Of course not. You really think those two are capable of actually confessing?”
They seemed perfectly capable when I walked in on them making out two weeks ago. Ritsu sighs. Shou gives him a questionable look.
“What makes you think they are already together?” Ritsu tenses, thinking back to Serizawa's pleads to keep it a secret from the others.
Time to… lie, I guess. “Nothing. It doesn't surprise me that Reigen isn't up to the job. Just a little shocked that Serizawa isn't.”
“Reigen would totally ask out Serizawa!” Teruki says. “Serizawa is a bottom and we know it.”
“Bottom rights.” Mob adds in. It's nice that he's trying to soften the blow, but I can't let this stand!
Shou huffs. “First of all, we all know Reigen is a bottom. Second of all, Serizawa would totally ask Reigen out first! Wanna bet?”
“Of fucking course!” Teruki holds out a hand. “Whoever wins gets to blow up the other’s minecraft house.” Shou eyes glimmer and he shakes his hand.
“It's a deal, then.”
-
“How fucking oblivious do they have to be to not see that they're already together!” Ritsu flops onto the bench, the roof empty of everyone but Takenaka. This is the worst…
Takenaka rips open his bag of chips and shrugs. “As long as I don't have to listen to them mentally pining after each other, I'm fine with anything.”
-
Shou struts into the office a week later and drags Serizawa into the back room, a smirk barely hidden on his face. He hides his excitement with a little cough.
“Hypothetically, let's say that you and Reigen were together. Who would be the bottom?”
“Shou, that’s uh.. That’s a really personal question.” Serizawa stammers.
Shou shakes his head. “Hypothetically! It’s for a... school experiment.”
“You don’t go to school, Shou.” Serizawa frowns. Shou chuckles nervously, before glancing from the door back to Serizawa.
“Look, I know you have a crush on him, and I really really really need you to ask him out first! I have a Minecraft house on the line here!” Shou pleads. A pause, and then Serizawa snorts.
The faint sounds of a client entering come from the front room. “Look, Shou, I appreciate it but… I'm not gonna ask him out yet. Maybe later, when there isn't a client?” Serizawa watches as Shou deflates and then pops back up, like a particularly jumpy balloon.
“Okay! Thanks, Seri!”
Shou hops out of the room and then out of the office completely.
After the client leaves, somewhat satisfied, Serizawa walks over to Reigen and taps his shoulder. Reigen turns to him and smiles.
“I think our kids have a bet on us?” Reigen gives a confused look.
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
Serizawa laughs. “If Teruki or Mob ask you about it, well… just don't tell them you're the bottom.”
“Excuse me?”
Reigen leaves the office more confused than when he entered it that morning.
-
The next day, Teruki walks into the office and hollers for Reigen. He pops out from under the desk.
“Need something?”
“Actually yes.” Teruki smiles. It's one of his smiles that puts you on edge, for no particular reason other than it's just… off. He glances around to make sure there isn't somebody else around, before leaning in, speaking in conspiratorial whispers.
“I know you have a crush on Serizawa, okay? I need you to ask him out. Prove you aren't the bottom.”
Reigen chokes. “F...first of all, you shouldn't know what a bottom is. You're like. Twelve. Second of all, I'm not going to ask Serizawa out. Right now, at least,” he pauses - you're a con man, come up with a convincing lie - and grins. “I, uh, don't feel so well right now.”
Teruki's raised eyebrow tells him how well that went. Serizawa walks in and greets both of them. The boy freezes up and turns around slowly. Serizawa gives him a questioning look before Teruki bolts out of the office.
“Alright. I understand what you were warning me about yesterday… jeez.” Reigen rubs at his face. “How does he even know what a bottom is anyway?”
-
Later that night, Reigen texts Teruki.
stinki dad ; hey, what do you think a bottom is?
☆teru☆ ; shou told me it's when you take the bottom bunk of a bunk bed when you're dating someone !!
stinki dad ; skskskssksk yep that's definitely it
-
Now that Reigen and Serizawa are reassured that they did not indeed teach 13-year-olds what a bottom was (although at least one of them probably knew and were just keeping it to themselves), they found the whole bet rather cute.
"They care about us a whole lot, that's for sure," Serizawa muses. Reigen nods, tapping away at his computer. "Hanazawa seems super protective of you."
He glances up, and grins at Serizawa. "Yeah, he's a good kid. He spends a lot of time at my apartment - hey, can you legally adopt a child if their parents are the worst?"
"I, uh, don't think so. We'll think about that later but - what are we going to do about the bet?" Reigen's head tilts to the side, and he gives Serizawa a puzzled look. "I mean- we're already dating, so how are we going to ask each other out?"
“I’ll ask you out!” Serizawa smiles.
“What? No! I can’t be the bottom!” Reigen practically yells. Serizawa gives a skeptical look and Reigen blushes. “Don’t look at me like that!”
Serizawa chuckles. “That’s not what you were saying last night.”
“When did you get so bold?” Reigen tries to look intimidating, but ends up somewhere between lost puppy and constipated child. It's a bit disconcerting. “But okay. Let's try that then.”
“Alright, we'll do it in a week. It's a little cute to see them try and get us together, honestly,” Serizawa decides, and Reigen nods in agreement.
-
“I've tried everything! They're both so- so- oblivious! ” Teruki throws his hands up into the air. Mob pats his back in consolation, and glances back when he hears a barely restrained giggle from Ritsu.
Shou nods. “We should just work together! It’s getting frustrating with how they dance around each other, not knowing each other’s secrets.” He takes a pause. “If we work together and they start to date, we should blow up Reigen’s gravel hut.”
“I don't want to deal with Reigen bursting into tears over that, but I guess it'll be Serizawa's problem at that point,” Tome interjects. The four nod, and Teruki follows Shou out the door to go to Spirits and Such.
-
Shou and Teruki are planning their next move behind the couch when they hear Serizawa tap on Reigen's desk twice. They peek over, tense and excited. “Hey, Arataka, there's a new ramen place downtown, would you like to come with me after work?” Serizawa murmurs, and Reigen's face lights up.
“Oh, of course Katsuya! I just have a little paperwork before I can leave, but it's nothing the greatest psychic of the 21st century can't handle!” He laughs a little bit, and Serizawa looks like the world was just handed to him on a platter.
They're looking at each other like they're lovesick puppies, Shou thinks. “It's a date then!” Serizawa cheers, and Teruki chokes. Within a second Shou is outside, the other's hand wrapped around his arm from teleporting.
“ Holy shit! ”
They look around in the alley before grinning. “Alright, we've gotta see this,” Shou decides. Teruki nods, and the two debate for a little while on exactly how to do so.
“Not everyone can turn invisible, that's not a good option Shou!”
“Well what's your idea, smart boy?”
“Fake dating!”
Shou pauses. Oh. That's a good idea, actually… “Let's go ask out Ritsu and Mob!”
-
Shou throws small pebbles at Ritsu’s window to get his attention. Ritsu quickly opens the window and lets Shou in. Not really what he wanted right now but whatever. Shou hops in and gives Ritsu a big smile.
“Let's go on a date!”
“A what?”
“A date, stupid! It’s fake, don’t worry.” Shou waves his hand dismissively.
Ritsu rubs his face to make it appear more or less not red and sighs. “I’m more worried now. What’s this for?”
“Heh, oh you know.”
“I don’t actually. Though, I’ll go if you want me to.” Ritsu gives a small cough to hide the blush forming on is face.
Shou jumps happily. “Then meet me at Teruki's apartment at 4 tomorrow! See ya!” He bolts off, leaving Ritsu to stare after him.
What's this all about?
-
“Kageyama-kun! Kageyama-kun over here!” Mob glances up from his flip phone to see Teruki jumping and waving, looking rather smug. “Kageyama-kun! Will you go on a date with me tonight?”
Mob barely looks up from where he was texting Reigen. “Okay, but why?”
“Uh- uhm, we're gonna go see what Reigen and Serizawa do on their date! It's a fake date,” Teruki pauses - only if you want it to be, god I wish I could say that - and continues with a nervous grin. “And I wanted to take you along with!”
A moment passes. “Alright,” Mob agrees. Hopefully this means he'll ask me out on a real one eventually.
-
stinki dad ; hey dimple spilled some tea today
umbrella fucker ; sksksk what is it
stinki dad ; teruki and shou are gonna fake date mob and ritsu to spy on us
umbrella fucker ; fine by me
stinki dad ; we should do something
umbrella fucker ; sksksksksk i dont know,, play along??? act like a REALLY cheesy couple??
stinki dad ; sounds good!!! ill shower you with love and affection >:3c
umbrella fucker ; alright, see you tomorrow love !
-
“Open the door or I'll throw rocks through your window, you dumb whore!” Shou yells, banging on Teruki's apartment door with less than stellar patience.
It's open within a heartbeat, a disheveled Teruki on the other side with an annoyed expression twisting his face. “What the hell, Shou? I was getting ready!”
Shou scans the boy in front of him, eyebrows raised at the, for once, not eye-straining outfit. “You do realize this is a… fake date, yeah?” Teru huffs, turning his head to avoid showing any embarrassment.
]“I have to look my best for Mob anyway. Leave me alone,” he mutters. “Get in here.” Shou snorts but enters, flopping onto the couch.
A few minutes tick by, and then the doorbell rings. Teruki gives Shou a pointed look as if to say hey, someone knows how to fucking knock, before opening the door for Ritsu and Mob.
Shou shrugs as he watches the guests walk in, before he throws his hands in the air. “Ritsu!” He looks at Mob. “And Ritsu’s brother! Are we ready to party?”
“Sure. Nii-san?” Mob nods, and Ritsu looks back to Shou and gives him a hesitant thumbs-up. “Yep. We're good to go whenever you are.” Teruki grabs Mob's hand and looks away.
“Hm? Hanazawa-kun, what's up?”
“We're… we're gonna be fake-dating, so we might as well act like it!” Teruki lies, sweating a little bit. Mob shrugs.
“Wow, Teru, that’s kinda gay.” Shou says as he zips up his Minecraft creeper jacket. “Ritsu, you ready?” He holds out his hand as if he’s mocking Teruki.
Ritsu snorts, and takes it anyway, leaving Shou to choke in surprise before composing himself. “Let's go, then,” he says.
The trip to Spirits and Such isn't too awkward, surprisingly, and they manage to catch Serizawa and Reigen as they turn around the corner. “Alright! Stealth mode, go!” Shou whispers, pulling his hood over his head. Ritsu just sighs and keeps walking, tugging him along.
It isn't too busy at the ramen shop, either, and they all manage to get a seat. Shou's eyes are locked onto Serizawa and Reigen, and Teruki is attempting to stay focused. He's a little distracted by the fact that he's still holding Mob's hand, and it fits perfectly in his and they're so close and- alright gay thoughts, keep it down for a bit.
“Alright guys, let's keep an eye out!”
And nothing much… happens. Serizawa and Reigen hold hands and eat ramen, and it's the happiest Mob has ever seen Reigen, but otherwise it's calm. Shou seems a little sad, but they eat their own food and joke around until it's almost time to go.
“I think it's getting late, let's-” Ritsu is interrupted by Shou's loud gasp, pointing to Serizawa and Reigen as they kiss.
“Oh my god!” He yells, and it's a little too loud and it grabs the pair's attention. “Oh, shit.”
-
Spirits and Such has four embarrassed kids and two amused adults by the time night falls.
“We're sorry, master, we just wanted to support you two,” Mob mumbles. Reigen hides a smile behind his hand, trying to look disapproving.
“It's bad to invade on people's privacy like that, you four. Can you promise you won't do it again?”
Shou shrugs. “No guarantees, but I'll try my best! Thanks dads!”
Ritsu pauses, and then lights up for the first time all day. “Does this mean I can finally tell them?”
“Tell us what-”
Reigen nods.
“They've been dating for three months, you oblivious losers!”
… What.