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The soft rain hitting the roof of the cabin seemed to echo through the entire cabin, silence reigning over the entire building. Nick and Luke had taken refuge into their own room, sitting with their thighs nearly touching, their legs hanging off the side of the bed.
The heavy blanket of absolute nothingness that encompassed the room rested over their shoulders, weighing down on the pair of men’s shoulders as they stared down at their socks, words practically dried up in their throats.
Ben’s sobs had echoed and died long ago, Carlos informing them that Kenny and the boy had made up. The teen had fallen asleep, presumably in his pseudo-father’s arms, after a long few hours, yet the echoing cries and shouts from the boy vibrated in both Luke and Nick’s chests, leaving them both shaken to their cores.
Nick cleared his throat first, looking over to his childhood friend. “You ain’t tired?” He asked, his hat discarded on the nightstand of the bed.
Luke shook his head, running a hand down his face. “Not really,” He mumbled back, sighing deeply. “Don’t think anyone but Ben’s asleep right now.”
Nick nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. He dared to cast a glance over to his friend, ignoring the butterflies in his stomach- the way Luke’s shoulder brushed against his own, their thighs only centimeters away.
Luke leaned forward, placing his face in his own weathered palms as he let out a long breath. He didn’t say a word when Nick’s palm came to a rest over his spine, instead leaning into the comforting touch.
“I can’t get his face outta my head,” Luke confessed quietly, his palms falling into his lap. “H-He- He looked so damn heartbroken. So lost.”
Nick frowned, looking down at his lap. He kept his hand on Luke’s back, more for the selfish yearning part of himself as he nodded his head. “She was like his mom,” He murmured, “Kenny left him and he just… he just fell apart without them both.”
“I just- I don’t-” Luke cut himself off, staring down at the ground with wide eyes.
“Luke?” Nick whispered, leaning forward in an attempt to meet his friend’s gaze.
Luke only continued to stare, his entire figure sagging. “I don’t know wh-why,” He spoke, his voice barely audible despite the silent air. “I just… He looked broken. I hav-haven’t seen someone look so empty… so lost since- since…”
“Since me,” Nick answered, looking down at his own lap.
Luke hesitated before nodding. “S-Since Un-Uncle Pete and your… your mom.”
Nick nodded, leaning his shoulder over to bump the joint against Luke’s, hoping to comfort the man in some form without overdoing it. He barely had the emotional capacity to deal with his own overflowing feelings, not to mention Kenny’s talk from earlier.
“Almost… Almost everyone we loved… Everyone we knew has d-died,” Luke whispered, pulling Nick out of his thoughts. He looked over to his friend, his eyes flooded with grief. “Everyone.”
Nick blinked, not breaking contact with Luke’s gaze. “N-Not everyone,” He replied quietly, his fingers digging into his cargo pants.
Luke’s eyes widened, turning to stare down at his lap. He crossed his arms over his chest, swallowing loudly as he shut his eyes. He dared to lift his eyelids not brave enough to look over to the man besides him as his heart slammed in his chest.
“Luke…” Nick murmured, his hand wrapping around the man’s upper arm. “Talk to me.”
Luke didn’t respond, his entire frame going rigid. He didn’t respond immediately, only focusing on his breathing as he continued to stare down at the wooden flooring, hoping to calm his racing thoughts, his heart beating a mile a minute.
“What… What if-” Luke cut himself off, clearing his aching throat. “What if something… something happens to you?”
Nick’s eyes widened, his grip faltering on his friend’s arm as he frowned, shaking his head. “Luke- Luke I’m right here,” He stammered out.
“I just- Fuck.” Luke put his face in his hands, his elbows digging into his thighs as he sighed. “If you- If you just s-saw his face.” He pulled his face out of his palms, turning to his friend. “I can’t- I don’t think I could survive losing… losing…”
Nick waited, his breath caught in his throat. He couldn't hide his disappointment when Luke’s face fell back into his palms, the burning ache in his chest only growing. His throat felt drier than he could ever recall.
Luke sat back suddenly, laying flat against the mattress, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. He could’ve sworn he heard the sound of walkers just outside, the old wound in his leg flaring up as he flinched, swallowing loudly.
“Luke-”
“We’ve been through hell,” The man whispered, not looking to the man when he laid down besides him. “So-So much sh-shit. So many people, our friends, dea-dead.”
“We still have people, Luke,” Nick assured, his voice soft as he looked over to his friend. “Not everyone-”
“Not yet,” Luke stressed. “I can’t- I can’t handle the pressure of-of keeping eve-everyone alive. Not wh-when I know what it-it does to someone. You saw how I dr-dropped the ball!”
Nick frowned. “You came back for us at Howes,” He pointed out, trying to meet his friend’s gaze as he sat up on his elbows. “We wouldn’t have ma-made it out if it weren’t for you.”
“Kenny lost his fucking eye because of my stupid plan,” Luke replied, pure hatred in his words. “Then with- with Jane and how I fuckin’- I fucking fought Kenny at every goddamn tu-turn just to make up for my own goddamn idiocy.”
Nick was convinced the inside of his chest was bruised with just how fiercely his heart pounded, his gaze still focused on his friend. “Carver did that to Kenny, not you,” He spoke firmly, hoping the shaking in his voice wasn’t nearly as noticeable as he felt it to be. “And you apologized. To everyone. Kenny apologized too.”
“That don’t mean I didn’t fuck up-p,” Luke pointed out, his voice more of a croak. “I just- I-” He drew his lips into a thin line, the pressure behind his eyes only building.
“I just do-don’t think I can lose you.”
Nick flinched, his stomach flipping violently. He was almost positive he would vomit, the feeling only grew as he looked over to his friend, finding the man already staring at him. The words in his throat seemed to dry up entirely, their faces only inches away.
“Everyone- Everyone I’ve loved has di-died,” Luke whispered, his lip trembling as tears clung to his lashes.
Bravery was easy to come by, courage was not.
“Not me,” Nick replied, his voice just barely above a whisper.
Luke’s eyes only widened as Nick leaned over him, their noses nearly touching. Their gazes met, time seemingly freezing as they stared into one another pained eyes. Years of hurt, of loss, of love, echoed through their locked gaze.
Nick closed the distance, his lips locking with Luke’s as his eyelids slid shut.
It only took a second for Luke to wrap his arms around the man’s sturdy back, leaning into the touch as his own eyes slid shut.
Nick dared to pull away after a moment, blinking his wide eyes as Luke slowly fluttered his own eyes open, daring to meet his gaze. They held one anothers look for another beat before Luke burst into giddied chuckles, his lips pulled into a shy grin, his face growing red.
“I’ve been waitin’ to do that for a long time,” Nick replied, a smile breaking through his words as he sat back.
Luke couldn’t help as he swung upwards, pulling Nick to his chest and hugging him tightly as he mumbled into his shoulder. “Me too.”
Nick’s soft laugh vibrated through his chest, a wide smile on his lips as he sat back onto the bed, taking a moment to just look over the other man. The butterflies in his stomach were no longer painful, rather bursting and fluttering with what felt like excitement.
“You’re a real idiot, you know that?” Luke murmured, his face bright red as Nick intertwined his fingers with him.
“Yeah, your idiot,” Nick replied, winking.
Luke laughed softly, nearly overwhelmed as he stared at the man he had grown to love years ago. He couldn’t help the sudden sadness that grew in his throat, fear nearly suffocating him.
“We- We’re, we’re a team, Luke,” Nick spoke, squeeze Luke’s palm. “Y’ain’t gonna lose me.”
“I’m- I’m scared,” Luke replied in a whisper, looking down to his lap. “I don’t think I-I can.”
“You won’t,” Nick responded, not missing a beat. “I won’t let that happen. I promise.”
And in that moment, Luke couldn’t feel an ounce of doubt in his entire body.