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Koo met Yoonji at their University’s LGBTQ club. It was the first meeting of the new school year and Koo needed friends. She had two from high school who she still talked to but they ended up going to a different school and she was lonely. She didn’t want to be lonely. So she was making an effort. She was leaving her comfort zone.
She’s standing by herself towards the back of a classroom anxious and too scared to actually introduce herself to anyone, because she was “leaving her comfort zone”.
She watched everyone else mingling. Watched how comfortable everyone else seemed to look. Like a weight was lifted from their shoulders as soon as they crossed through the doorway. There was a lot of loud laughter and playful jokes called from across the room as more people came in. Koo liked to watch other people, she always had.
Someone joined her in the back, leaned up against the wall next to her. Koo looked down and froze. They were cute. Tiny and cute. The name tag said “Yoonji (she/her)” and Koo’s face warmed when she realized how long she had been staring at the nametag which was perfectly placed over her boob. Koo looked away quickly and stared straight ahead.
“Is this your first meeting?” Yoonji asked. Her voice was kinda gravely but still soft. Like a wooly sweater in winter.
Koo looked down embarrassed, “Is it that obvious?”
She gave a soft smile, “Nah, I just did the same thing my first meeting. Stayed in the back and watched and hoped no one would talk to me while also hoping someone would notice me at least a little bit.”
Koo’s mouth dropped open a little, “How did that work for you?”
“Jina came over to me and told me a very bad and very dumb joke and swore to take me under her wing like the ‘lost baby bird I was’.” She rolled her eyes but Koo could see the fondness behind it. “Jina’s the president now.” She motions towards the front of the room where a tall girl was surrounded by a small group of people talking animatedly. Her hair was pastel pink and fell just to her broad shoulders. She was beautiful.
“Wow,” Koo whispered.
“Yeah,” Yoonji shook her head slightly before looking up at Koo. “Imagine someone that beautiful coming up to you and being nice to you when you’re trying to hide in the back. I didn’t stand a chance.” Yoonji’s nose scrunched up a little, showing a little more gum to her smile. Her black hair was half-pulled out of her face and her bangs were disheveled across her forehead. Koo thought she knew exactly what Yoonji meant.
Yoonji introduced Koo to all of her friends in the club, told her to text her if she ever needed anything, even if it was something as important as best coffee on campus or something as trivial as the quietest corner in the library during finals.
Jina came over and wrapped an arm around Yoonji’s waist and hooked her chin on Yoonji’s shoulder. “My baby bird found a baby bird, I’m so proud,” she mad an exaggerated sobbing noise as Yoonji rolled her eyes and Koo giggled.
It’s been a year since then and she’s not lonely anymore. Koo’s gained a lot of confidence in herself. She flourished in her art and discovered which exercises she likes doing. She’s found a fashion that makes her feel comfortable, including a slightly long pixie cut that she styles intentionally messy.
She still lives on campus in a dorm with roommates, but these are much nicer than her last ones. They all go to the gym together once a week and they ask Koo for tips on toning and cardio. They all painted each other’s nails one time and she didn’t hate it, but they thanked her as they slid the nail polish remover over to her.
Most of the time she’s at Yoonji’s apartment though. She lives with Jina and their apartment is nice. Well it’s just okay really, but to Koo it’s amazing. It’s warm and inviting. Yoonji has a windowsill garden with herbs for Jina to cook with. Sometimes Jina will ask Koo to help with dinner, chopping up vegetables or cooking a side dish. It feels like a home.
Yoonji is always there for Koo just like she said she would be at that first meeting. She picks up Koo the first time she got wasted with Jimin and Tae. They’d called Yoonji saying they were in a forest and couldn’t get out. Yoonji told them to send her their location and she picked them up twenty minutes later. They weren’t in a forest, they’d just been walking in circles between the eight trees in the courtyard on campus. No one had let them live it down.
Koo is sitting on the floor with her back against the couch watching a movie with Yoonji. Jina has a late class on Wednesday nights so Koo makes it her “Carb Day” so she can eat pizza and watch movies with Yoonji. Yoonji’s sitting next to her leaning her head on Koo’s arm as she wraps and arm around her own waist, slightly groaning from eating too much. It’s a part of the Wednesday tradition by now. Koo loves it.
The two characters in the movie kiss and Koo swallows thickly and bites at her lip. She’s never really been kissed before. She’s had pecks and soft kisses at parties and at the end of dates, but nothing that made her feel the sparks that everyone talked about. All she ever felt was a kinda mushy mouth against hers.
“Hey, Yoonji?” she feels nervous and stupid and she doesn’t know what she’s thinking. Yoonji hums to let her know she’s listening. “You know how you said you’d help me with anything even if it was really dumb?”
Yoonji snorts, “Yeah, Koo. You need to fake a doctor’s note for a class or something?”
“No, uh, it’s not really school related…” She clears her throat and Yoonji pulls away to look up at her.
“What’s up?”
Koo can’t look at her so she shifts her gaze between her hands in her lap and the table in front of them. “I want to start actually dating and maybe getting a girlfriend, but I… Don’t have a lot of experience? And I don’t want to be bad at anything…”
Yoonji’s voice is soft and concerned, “Koo I don’t think you could be bad at anything. Also relationships are about growing together so if you’re dating someone and they don’t like that you’re not experienced they can fuck off.”
“Oh uh. Well.” She takes a deep breath and runs a hand through her hair. “I was hoping you would help me? Get experience?” She finally peeks over to look at Yoonji. Her brow is furrowed and she’s pouting just a little.
“Like set you up on date?”
“No, like. Like maybe practicing? With me?” Koo sees the moment understanding hits Yoonji. Her eyebrows fly up behind her bangs. Her pout falls open. Her cheeks warm ever so slightly. “You don’t have to! I mean. It’s okay. It’s dumb I shouldn’t have asked--”
“Koo, it’s not dumb. Just give me a second.” Koo hides her face in her hands and tries to remember how to breathe. After a moment that feels like a thousand years and a thousand seconds all rolled into one, Yoonji’s hands pull at Koo’s.
Koo looks at her embarrassed and prepared for rejection. “So it’s a big question. I needed to think for a second.” Koo nods and swallows. She doesn’t think she can handle speaking words right now. “I don’t think I’m okay with practicing like sex stuff, but we can talk about them and I’ll answer any questions you have. Kissing is okay though. If that’s okay with you.”
Koo’s eyes go wide, “You’re saying yes?”
“Well, mostly yes. Yeah. Only if you’re sure though.”
“Yes, yeah. I’m sure. If it’s you I’m sure.” Yoonji looks like she’s fighting a soft smile and Koo is trying to slow her heartbeat and relax because somehow Yoonji didn’t say no. Didn’t say Koo was gross. Didn’t say it was stupid. She said yes.
“Not today though,” Koo says. Yoonji raises an eyebrow. “I ate too much pizza and I want to finish the movie. So no kissing tonight. But. Later. I guess.”
Yoonji laughs silently and leans back on Koo’s arm to watch the movie again, “Later,” she assures Koo. They settle back in like nothing weird happened, like nothing ridiculous was suggested, and that reassures Koo the most.
A few weeks go by and Koo hasn’t forgotten. She’s thought about asking Yoonji if they can practice about one hundred times but she could never think of a way to bring it up naturally.
It’s Wednesday and they’ve ordered the pizza but it hasn’t arrived yet and the movie is just starting in the background but it’s early enough that neither are invested yet. Koo’s hands are a little sweaty and she’s chewing at her lip because tonight feels different. It feels like she’s ready to explode with everything she’s feeling, the way it’s rolling around like a snowball going downhill. Growing bigger and bigger until it hits something and-- “Can you kiss me?” --explodes out and crumbles around.
Koo is staring at Yoonji and Yoonji is staring back, cheeks flushing slightly. It’s the only sign that Koo actually said it this time. Yoonji looks a little startled and Koo is so nervous, “For practice! Like we talked about!” she says a little too loud. “Sorry I didn’t mean to yell that,” she adds in a softer voice.
Yoonji gives her a gummy smile, cheeks still a little pink but she looks less startled which is helping Koo calm down too. Yoonji has that effect on her, like with a kind smile and a gentle touch, everything will be okay.
“I remember,” she turns towards Koo more. She looks up at her through her eyelashes with a shy smile and it feels like Koo’s heart is going to beat out of her chest. “You can kiss me, Koo.”
Koo licks her lips even though her mouth feels dry and she leans forward quickly, too quickly she thinks, and she presses her lips against Yoonji’s. She pulls away after just a second, “Sorry.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I’m bad at this,” Koo sighs as she messes her hair up.
“Well that’s why we’re practicing. It’s a judgement-free kissing session.” Koo groans and Yoonji pulls one of Koo’s hands between hers, “I thought that would make you feel better, sorry. Here, just. Relax and try again.”
She leans forward again and she’s slower this time, softer. It’s a quick kiss again. Barely any pressure before she pulls away. She’s about to actually move away but she thinks that it wasn’t long enough to count as a real kiss so she leans back in again and presses a little harder, mouth tight against Yoonji’s much softer lips, before she pulls away again.
She watches Yoonji’s reaction and waits for her to say something. Yoonji peeks out one eye before opening them both. She takes a second to collect her thoughts and Koo is dying a little inside. She knew she was bad and she knows Yoonji is only going to be kind to her but she’s still embarrassed and hesitant.
“I’m not made of glass, Koo.” Yoonji starts and Koo’s brow furrows.
“I know that.”
“So then why are you kissing me like you’re afraid I’m going to shatter or break?” Koo purses her lips and nods softly in understanding. “So relax and try again.”
Koo takes a deep breath, squares her shoulders, and leans in again. She presses her mouth against Yoonji’s and it’s warm and maybe a little too hard because she thinks she’s more pressed up against Yoonji’s teeth than her lips. She pulls back and tries to shift her head when she leans in again, but it’s still the same feeling.
She moves away and sits back with a huff. “This was a bad idea, I’m sorry, Yoonji. We don’t have to do this anymore.” She’s looking down at her hands and she feels bad because she knows she’s not a good kisser. She knows that Yoonji can’t be enjoying this.
Yoonji gives her a soft smile, “It’s not a bad idea okay. Just.” She does a half sigh and shifts a little closer, “Here. Don’t do anything right now. Just close your eyes and feel.
Koo looks over at her and raises an eyebrow, “Is this like being a Jedi? You have to use the Force to get a girlfriend?”
Yoonji gives her a look and Koo chews on her lip for a second before closing her eyes, “Okay, okay.”
She waits, nervous. But then Yoonji moves her fingers across Koo’s lips feather light and cool, and then through her hair. Her nails scrape gently against her scalp and Koo’s mouth falls open in a breathy gasp. She can’t concentrate because Yoonji’s hand has moved down to squeezing her neck while her other hand is slowly and softly running up her arm like a whisper and a tease.
It stops on her shoulder and it’s warm and not quite heavy, but not as featherlight. It’s reassuring. Grounding.
Yoonji’s hand is gripping the hair at Koo’s neck while her other hand thumbs across Koo’s cheek and then there’s the softest pressure against her lips. It’s gone too fast and she tries to chase it but Yoonji’s hand keeps her still.
Her mouth is still partially open and she’s breathing almost embarrassingly heavy but her skin is crawling with anticipation wanting to know what Yoonji is going to do next.
Koo feels the heat of Yoonji’s breath hovering over her mouth and she leans forward impatiently pressing their lips together. It’s better than the first times. Koo isn’t thinking about what her lips should be doing or if her hands are sweating or god where should she put her hands is it okay if they’re just there? Shouldn’t they be moving?
All her thoughts are on Yoonji. On Yoonji’s lips. How they feel against hers. How the pressure is nice but she wants more even though she doesn’t know how to ask for that or what that even means.
But Yoonji knows.
Her hand tightens in Koo’s hair and a soft moan escapes at the back of Koo’s throat and suddenly there’s a new warmth and a new pressure against her lips. Koo opens her mouth against Yoonji and it’s a little weird at first, too warm and wet and Koo’s thoughts are sneaking back in slowly.
Should she do something with her tongue too? Are the tongues supposed to fight? Do they just wiggle around?
Yoonji slides her hand down from Koo’s shoulder and cups her boob over her shirt and Koo leans into the touch and the thoughts are gone again. All that remains is Yoonji’s hands and their mouths and the sound of the movie in the background mixing with their own breaths.
They keep kissing like that for a while, at least Koo thinks it’s a while. Time has stopped mattering to her. Everything that is not Yoonji has stopped mattering.
Eventually she gets the courage to move her own hands. She copies Yoonji’s hand placement and feels Yoonji’s silky hair between her fingers. Her other hand slides up Yoonji’s thigh and she feels the hem of Yoonji’s skirt ride over her thumb. She knows she’s not entirely ready for that but the idea of it and knowing how close she is is going to her head and she squeezes Yoonji’s thigh tight.
Yoonji whines into Koo’s mouth and Koo pulls back concerned.
“Oh god, I’m so sorry.” Koo looks over Yoonji to make sure she’s okay. Her lips are red and slightly swollen and wet, her eyes are dark, and her cheeks are flushed as she’s looking up at Koo.
“For what?”
“I… I don’t know?”
Yoonji tries to hide her smile and her laugh, she really does. Koo can tell. But her smile is wide and she’s giggling at Koo and Koo’s heart feels light and sunken at the same time. “It was good, Koo. Really good.”
“Really?”
Yoonji squeezes the back of her neck and nods. “Let’s take a break though.” She moves away and Koo can feel her face falling because it feels like regret or a mistake or rejection and then Yoonji continues, “Cause I said no sex stuff and I can’t keep that promise if you keep kissing like that.”
Koo nods, blush deepening, and rewinds their movie as Yoonji brings them waters. The pizza arrives and they eat too much, just like normal. They finish the movie together, knees touching, Yoonji’s head leaning on Koo’s shoulder.
Just like normal.
It’s a week later when they practice kissing again. Koo takes a few kisses to figure it out again, making sure she doesn’t kiss with too much pressure because she’s excited. Because she maybe hasn’t stopped thinking about kissing Yoonji. Because she maybe hasn’t stopped thinking about Yoonji.
She pulls away from the kiss and looks over at Yoonji, trying to catch her breath and rearrange her thoughts. “I don’t want to practice kissing with you anymore.”
Yoonji’s eyes are wide and Koo is sure she can see Yoonji closing off, getting small. “Wait,” Koo furrows her brow. She should’ve had this talk before they started kissing, her brain is too frazzled. “That came out wrong.”
Yoonji is watching her carefully and Koo takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to practice anymore. I just want to kiss you. And date you. Because I have. Feelings. For you.” Koo feels her face pinching with every additional sentence. It’s not at all how she practiced it. It’s stilted and wrong and awkward.
“Oh thank god,” Yoonji blurts out as she climbs into Koo’s lap and kisses her, wrapping her arms around Koo’s shoulders. “I like you too and I really want to keep kissing you. For real, not practice.” Her smile is shy and her cheeks are flushed and Koo feels like this can’t be real. But she feels the weight of Yoonji in her lap and slight chill to her fingers running through Koo’s short hair so she knows it is.
She wraps her arms around Yoonji’s waist and pulls them together to kiss again. It’s soft and slow and warm and Koo thinks it’s better than practice. It’s perfect.