Chapter Text
A sharp elbow jabs into Keith’s side, causing him to yelp.
“Allura, what the quiznak?!”
“Shh!” She grabs at his sleeve, ducking low and pulling him along so they were both hidden under the table before turning a reproachful look at him, as if he was the one who had gone around jabbing people in their sides.
“What are you—!”
“Shh!” Allura repeats, pushing her forehead against Keith’s, immediately silencing him. “Do you want everyone to hear us?” She points a dainty finger above their heads where the rest of the paladins were enjoying their annual dinner in celebration of the 3rd year anniversary of the end of the war.
Keith’s brows furrowed. “What’s up? Is something wrong?” His tone is hushed, a look of trepidation overcoming his features.
“No, no, silly, nothing’s wrong! Nothing’s really been wrong since peace returned to the universe, has it? No, I just wanted to ask whether you’ve done it yet.”
“Done what?”
“It!” Allura gives him the ‘eye’, leaning in so hard now that Keith’s forehead was beginning to hurt. Figures that Alteans would have harder skulls on top of an overall stronger and more flexible physique compared to a Galra-human hybrid.
“You’re not making any sense—”
“For Oriande’s sake, have you asked Lance out?”
“What!?” Keith is so shocked by the suddenness of the question that his neck snaps up, the crown of his head hitting the bottom of the table with a loud bang. Fortunately for him, Coran had chosen that exact moment to let out a very shrill screech – if Keith had heard correctly before getting dragged down, it was his current best imitation of a Yalmor – so no one noticed the commotion taking place under the table.
“You’re going to blow our cover!” Allura whacks him over the head, adding salt to the wound and pulling him back down by his collar.
“You’re the one asking—asking about weird stuff under the table!” For someone so smart, Allura sure did the most peculiar things sometimes. Couldn’t she have picked a better place for this? And occasion? Or better yet, “For the last time, Allura, stop asking! These things take time!”
“Keith, it’s been deca-phoebs!” Allura groans exaggeratedly.
“And your point?” Keith counters hotly.
“I’d like to see two of my best friends happy sooner rather than later. By the looks of things now, you’ll both still be running around in circles for a few more decades!”
“But we are happy!”
“You could be happier!”
“You’re being ridiculous!”
“You’re being a coward!”
“I am NOT—”
“—LOOK, there is a reason I asked you and Lance to stick around a while longer after the end of war celebrations. You’ve got one movement of precious free time here on Altea and I better see something happening!”
Keith opens his mouth to protest when a third voice joins in.
“Um, guys? Is everything okay down there?”
Keith’s stomach lurches. Lance was peering at them, having ducked under the table himself. Keith snaps up for the second time that night, though he expertly avoids hitting the table this time. Allura wasn’t so lucky.
“Ouch!” the Queen of Altea squeals, rubbing the top of her head as she emerges.
“Whoops! You okay there, Allura?” Lance asks, straightening himself, his expression a funny mix of concern and amusement.
“Yes, yes, I’m fine. I was just… having a discussion with Keith.”
“Under the table?” Lance raises a thin eyebrow. “About?”
“About—” Allura scrabbles, eyes darting to Keith in a cry for help. Keith flounders, scanning the spread of food in front of him for ideas before it lands on his drinking goblet and he blurts the first thing that comes to mind.
“About—about how you challenged that Arusian we met last month to a drinking game and ended up completely knocked out before he even got tipsy even though he was only as tall as your knees—”
“Keith!” Lance gasps, face turning red. “That was supposed to be a secret! Fine! If that’s how you want it then I’m telling everyone about the time you thought that Taujeerian was trying to steal from you when actually, she was trying to hit on you!”
“He what?!” Pidge roars just as Hunk shrieks, “A Taujeerian?!” Both of them had caught on to the conversation, their rumbling laughter effectively catching Shiro’s and Coran’s attention as well.
“Lance!”
After that, dinner quickly devolved into a ‘reveal your most humiliating moments’ session, which was equal parts horrifying and entertaining for everyone so it was fair game. When the embarrassing stories eventually ran out, they settled on tales of more general events and in the flurry, the scene under the table was soon forgotten.
Keith sighs in relief as Lance enthusiastically launches into a new story of how he valiantly saved Keith during a mission when Keith was surrounded by a whole horde of giant, alien spiders; though he omitted to mention that the spiders were actually vegetarians, able to communicate in the human language and was perfectly hospitable and even invited them to dinner (vegetarian ant soup) despite Keith and Lance unwittingly trespassing into their home.
To his side, he sees Allura laughing along with the rest but her gaze was trained on him, an impish glint in her pink-blue eyes. She gives him a quick wink when their gazes meet.
Keith rolls his eyes. With a slight shake of his head, he turns back to the rest of the team and joins in on their fun.
It truly was a joyous and peaceful occasion.
------------------------------
Later that night, someone knocks on Keith’s door.
Keith sat up from where he had been lying in bed checking the notifications on his communicator. His pet wolf laid in its usual spot at the foot of his bed, yawning in response to the sound, its pure-white fur ruffling with the slight movement but otherwise stayed rooted to its spot, evidently not bothered enough to wake up.
“Who’s there?”
“It’s me.”
It was Shiro. Shoulders relaxing, Keith calls for him to come in.
The door slides open, revealing Shiro in his usual night-clothes as he walked into the room. He held a plain paper bag in his hand.
“Care for a drink?” Shiro asks, holding the bag up, a soft clanking coming from it as it jostled.
Keith’s face lit up with interest. “I hope that's not nunvil.”
“Sadly, no. Just cheap booze from a dingy convenience store on Earth.”
“I'll take it.”
Shiro smiles, pulling out several cans of beer from the bag and setting it down on Keith’s desk. Passing one to Keith, he opened one for himself, both men raising their cans up in a silent cheer before downing half the contents in one gulp.
“Ahh,” Shiro smacks his lips in appreciation, pulling Keith’s chair away from its desk and sitting on it backwards, facing Keith. “Nothing beats this.”
“Damn right. It’s appalling how almost nothing in the universe comes close to beating the taste of some fermented grains.”
“Maybe there is. Maybe we just haven’t seen enough of what’s out there.”
“I’ll let you know if that day comes.”
“I’ll appreciate that.” Shiro laughs. “So, how’re things? Dinner’s always a bit of a crazy affair with everyone there but I wanted to catch up with you. You’re looking good.”
“I’ve been alright,” Keith murmurs, taking another gulp of his beer. “Keeping busy with work for the Blades, as usual. We’re expanding rapidly and our member count recently exceeded the thousandth mark. Lance has been driving himself into a frenzy sorting out the new recruits, training, assigning roles and portfolios and stuff like that.”
“Is that why Allura insisted you guys stay here for a couple more days?” Shiro sips on his beer, amused.
“Kind of,” Keith smiles wryly, remembering their conversation under the table earlier. “She thinks a ‘holiday’ would do us good. We don’t think it’s necessary but there’s no arguing with a Queen.”
“True, that.”
“How ‘bout you? Any progress?”
Shiro’s eyes turn wistful, gaze faraway. “Nothing worth mentioning, unfortunately. The doctors are trying out every trick in the book but there hasn’t been much change in brain activity.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Don’t be. I have faith in Adam. He’ll pull through, I know it.”
“…okay.”
“Anyway, enough about that. How are Krolia and Kolivan?”
The two continued to chat, going through the supply of beer as they caught up on each other’s lives during their time spent apart. It had been months since they last saw one another on personal grounds, with Keith busy with work for the Blades and Shiro with work for the Garrison, and this was one of the rare opportunities they had to meet up and just be themselves – just Shiro and Keith, not Captain of the IGF and Leader of Voltron and the Blade of Marmora.
“So,” Shiro begins suddenly when their conversation trails off. “Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?”
Keith blinks. “What about? I’ve already told you about all the missions I’ve been on lately.”
“No, not missions. I guess, about people.”
“Did I miss someone? I’ve told you about Acxa—”
“I’m talking about Lance.”
“Lance? I mentioned he’s been busy fixing up the new Blade recruits—”
“Keith, I’m talking about your relationship.” Shiro’s look is deadpan, eyes narrowed meaningfully. ”And just so I’m perfectly clear, I’m not talking about platonic relationships here, you get me?”
Keith’s eyes practically bulge out, cheeks instantly growing warm at the un-minced question.
“Did Allura put you up to this?” he demands. That snitch, that minx! She’d sworn not to tell anyone and yet—
“Hey, hey, I think you’re getting it wrong. Allura didn’t put me up to anything!” Shiro explains quickly, correctly reading Keith’s mood. “Was it supposed to be a secret? If it was, sorry, I didn’t realize.”
“If it wasn’t Allura then how did you know?”
“Are you seriously asking me that? How long do you think I’ve known you for, Keith?”
Keith groans, slapping a hand over his face and almost knocking over his 3rd empty can of beer. “Is it that obvious?”
“Mmmmm…mmm…?” Shiro hums, neither denying nor affirming, wary of setting Keith off.
Keith groans louder, throwing himself backwards on the bed and staring up at the ceiling.
“It’s not that bad—”
“Yes, it is! First, Allura and now you! Does the whole team know about this?”
“Except for Lance, maybe, yeah…?”
“Shiro, that wasn’t an actual question.”
“Oh.”
“Ugh. How long?”
“How long have I known?” At Keith’s nod, Shiro scratches his head of white hair and tries to recall. “Um… a long time? Since you started picking petty fights with Lance all those years ago? I don’t even remember. Might have forgotten about it at some point because of the war and we were kind of busy, but then after the war, it was just…” he trailed off, the edges of his lips twitching. “Anyway, I’m surprised I held out until now to ask you about it. It’s been so long.”
“That long, huh?”
“Says a lot about how much you’ve been giving Lance heart eyes, eh?”
“Shiro.”
“Okay, okay! Look, all I’m saying is that you’ve let this go on for so long. Too long. When are you gonna make the next move?”
“… dunno. Maybe never.”
“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
“Not really.”
“Huh,” Shiro puffs. “Who knew that the leader of team Voltron would be brave enough to fight through an army of enemies but not enough to admit his own feelings?”
“It’s not that easy, alright? For the longest time, Lance was in love with Allura.”
“ ‘Was’ being the operative keyword here. It’s been years since then. What’s stopping you now?”
“He doesn’t feel the same, Shiro. He just sees me as his leader… and a close friend.”
“Did you ever ask?”
“…no.”
“Ask him,” Shiro says, firm. “You’ll never know if you don’t ask.”
“Heh, easier said than done.”
“Better than living and wondering what could have been. Don’t make the same mistake I did, Keith.”
Keith falls silent, turning to Shiro at these words. The faraway look had returned in the older man’s eyes.
“Shiro…?”
“I know it’s scary,” Shiro continues in a soft tone, glancing over at Keith with a kind smile. “It was the same for me – fearing what would happen if it didn’t work out, what would happen if he never wanted to see me again. But think about it, is Lance the kind of person who would turn his back on you because of this? Your bond is stronger than that. So don’t let the fear hold you back, don’t wait until it’s too late.”
Keith sighs. He knew when he was beaten.
“I guess you’re right…”
“Good! Now, both you and Lance have got some valuable time-off for the next week. Use it well.”
Keith narrows his eyes at Shiro suspiciously, the other man’s expression having returned to its amused state with a flip of the switch. “Are you sure Allura didn’t put you up to this?”
“No idea what you’re talking about,” Shiro smiles, holding up his last can of beer. “Now, bottoms up! For good luck.”
“Cheers!” they both said at the same time and drank away.
Long after Shiro had left, Keith laid awake in bed. Confessing to Lance was something he had contemplated for a long time but he couldn’t handle the fear that overcame him whenever he thought about it so each time, he found reasons to put it off.
But Shiro and Allura were right. He couldn’t keep running from his own feelings. Things were obviously never going to go anywhere if he didn’t take the next step. Like Shiro said, Lance had gotten over Allura years ago and he’s never really shown interest in anyone else since. So what was Keith waiting for?
Shortly after the war, Lance had joined the Blades and ever since then, he and Keith have established themselves as a great team and worked together closely to transition the Blades as an organization dedicated to humanitarian efforts, spending almost all of that time together on missions. They’ve come so far and grown closer than ever, nurturing the special bond which had already developed between them since their time as team Voltron. With things being the way it was, Lance has to at least like Keith, right? Or he wouldn’t still be hanging around with him so much. So maybe Keith did have a chance? And even if not, surely, their bond was strong enough to withstand something like this?
Keith shook his head free from the thoughts. No use wondering and guessing. He’s been there before and there were never any real answers. There was nothing to it. If he was going to do it then he was just going to have to do it. Time to man up and face the music like a true warrior. No more toiling around. It was unbecoming of him.
His stomach roiled uncomfortably at the resolve he arrived at but along with it, a new fire was ignited, lighting him up with strengthened determination.
------------------------------
“There!” Lance exclaims as he flings the rock in his hand, a blue glow (which matched the glow on his cheeks) concentrating on his fingers as he released. The rock sails across a long distance, landing and skipping over the surface of the water several times before reaching the middle and finally sinking with a “plunk” into the bottom of the lake.
“Good job, Lance! That’s at least three feet further than the last time!”
Lance grins, running up the hilly area in the Altean castle’s garden where Allura sat underneath her favourite tree.
“How’s that, huh? I’ve been practicing whenever I can and I think my control’s improving! Soon I’ll be able to beat your record!”
“I wouldn’t be so confident if I were you,” Allura smiles, an eyebrow raised. “But well done, Lance. You have improved.”
“Man, having these Altean powers is so cool.”
“Remember not to depend on them too much. There’s a limit to how much it can do and the toll it takes on your body.”
“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, Allura. I just think they can come in useful, especially during missions.”
“I’m sure they would. How are things with the Blades?”
“Oh my God, you won’t believe it!” Lance jumps at the chance and launches into a long tirade of all the work he’s been doing with the Blades – about the increased number of incoming missions, about Keith’s new bayard form, about the training schedule he came up with for new recruits, about Keith stubbornly insisting on always being the night lookout during two-man missions, about a brand new standard operating procedure he’s carved out to help divide duties more evenly within the Blades’ ranks, about how Kosmo had fallen ill again the other day and both he and Keith had stayed up to watch over the poor old wolf, about how Keith always ignored his advice—
“—so I told him to grab the scaultrite and get the hell out of there while I dealt with these creatures in the Weblum but he wouldn’t listen and stuck around! He could have compromised the entire mission!”
“I’m sure he was just concerned for you,” Allura assures before Lance could work himself up further, an amused smile gracing her beautiful features as she listened to Lance complain about Keith, not for the first time.
“I could have handled it on my own! It wasn’t anything life-threatening!”
“Did you really expect Keith to leave you behind?”
“For the sake of our mission, yes!”
“You know Keith doesn’t believe in the whole ‘mission over the individual’ thing, that’s why he scrapped that notion when he took over as Leader of the Blades. I think it’s a wonderful change.”
Lance folds his arms behind his head and leans back with a huff, staring up at the glittering night sky. “Yeah, I won’t deny that. But it gets so infuriating, you know? It happens all the time! I’m his Deputy! You’d think he’ll listen to me more!”
“I’m sure he does, Lance. You’re just hyper-focusing on the ‘nots.’ ”
Lance harrumphs, knowing that Allura was right. “Fine. I’ll give him that.”
A comfortable silence fills the air as Lance trails off and they tranquilly watch the stars above. When Allura next speaks, her voice is soft and tentative. “I’m sure you know this already but Keith is… a really good person.”
Lance raises his eyebrows at the sudden statement, tearing his eyes away from the sky to look at the Queen. “Yeah? Sure he is. Wouldn’t be his second-in-command if I didn’t think so.”
“Yes, of course.”
“…is there a reason you’re suddenly saying that?”
“No! No reason at all,” Allura shrugs her shoulders, appearing nonchalant but Lance knew better. Something was up. She had been acting weird ever since dinner now that he thought about it. Oh yeah, he had completely forgotten! Before getting distracted, there was that one point at dinner when he found her and Keith secretly whispering to each other under the table. Keith had been blushing so radiantly and Lance’s interest had been piqued so he called them out. Both of them had looked so shocked and uncomfortable then, like they’ve just been caught doing something Lance wasn’t meant to see.
A thought hits him. He freezes for all of a second before promptly pushing himself up into a sitting position.
“Wait, Allura…” he begins uncertainly. “Is there something I should know? About… you and Keith? You guys were acting suspicious under the table earlier so…”
Allura doesn’t answer but the returning discomfort on her face told him everything he needed to know. He feels his stomach roll at the realisation, something inside him turning cold.
“So… you guys have a thing going on?”
The effect was instantaneous.
“WHAT!” Allura rounds in on him, large eyes almost bulging out of its sockets, her nostrils flaring. “What on Altea gave you that—that preposterous idea?!”
Lance spoke quickly. “You looked like you were hiding something and at dinner earlier you guys were sharing secrets under the table with your heads pressed together—”
“And this is what you conclude? How does that— what?! I can’t even begin to comprehend!”
“Soooo…” Lance threads carefully. “There is no… thing?”
“NO!” Allura literally shrieks into Lance’s fearful face. “I swear to the Gods of Oriande, you are hopeless! The BOTH of you!” She sits back down with a huge huff, forehead wrinkling up with stress and exasperation – an utter look of ‘I am so done with this idiocy’ written all over her.
Despite everything, Lance felt relieved. He remembered that one time long ago when Allura and Keith had snuck off the Castle of Lions. It hadn’t felt right then and it certainly didn’t feel right now. He couldn’t imagine what things would be like if Keith and Allura ever did become an item. They just didn’t seem fit for each other. Allura was the Queen of Altea and deserved only the best. Not that he’s saying Keith wasn’t the best because he is (but don’t tell him that) but Keith liked mullets and knives and wolves and needed someone more like… well, someone different from Allura.
Anyway, Lance didn’t think they were right for each other and that’s that.
From beside him, Allura was laughing now, shaking her head in disbelief. “I guess I see what he means. This might be more difficult than I thought.”
“Difficult?” Lance stares blankly.
“It’s nothing,” Allura dismisses. She gets to her feet. “Anyway, I’m going to check up on Lotor.”
“Oh, how’s he been doing?”
“Quite well, actually. He’s picked up an interest in Altean technology and has recently been spending time working on our carrier shuttles – he thinks he’s found a way to equip each ship with the ability to wormhole, even without being powered by an Altean.”
“Whoa, that sounds amazing.”
“It is. Imagine what that could mean for space exploration.” Allura smiles. “He’s come a long way.”
“Only with your guidance, Allura.”
“Perhaps. Good night, Lance.”
Allura gives him a final smile before retreating back into the Altean Castle.
Lance lies back, continuing his stargazing. Once upon a time, he would have been unwilling to allow Allura to see Lotor but he knew this Lotor was not the same man he once was. This Lotor had a chance to do great things, this time, the right way. Allura had been a good influence for him and who knows what else he could achieve under her guidance. He had to admit, those two were a good match, both skilled and knowledgeable, and had seemingly unlimited potential to accomplish great things when they worked together.
It was kind of like how he and Keith were, a great team during the war as Black and Red Paladin and now, Leader and second-in-command of the Blades. They’ve reached milestones and achieved things together which they never would have thought was possible before, making a change in the universe for the better good. All those years ago, he never would have guessed that Keith would become such an important part of his life but here they were now. He couldn’t imagine a life different from this. He had all he could ever ask for.
As he reflects on the past, Lance laughs to himself. It was funny how things have changed. It’s true what they say; people really can change with time.
As he contemplates the realities of the present, he stares at the stars above, appreciating their beauty, mind at peace.
------------------------------
The next few days fly by in a blink of an eye. Pidge, Hunk and Shiro had already returned to their usual lives, leaving only Keith and Lance on Altea.
And with every day that passed without Keith doing what he had been ‘tasked’ to do, he was assaulted more and more frequently by Allura’s stink eye. It wasn’t for lack of trying though! Keith had tried to approach Lance but the other man almost always had company, making it impossible to find time alone with him, which was actually understandable. Keith had Lance to himself all the time when they were working for the Blades and Lance didn’t get to see many other people when they were busy on the job so it’s no wonder he’s choosing to spend time with people who weren’t colleagues now that he has the chance.
Regardless of the reasons, their last day on Altea soon came and still, Keith had not made his move yet.
Sitting at the breakfast table, Keith does his best to ignore the way Allura’s eyes were boring holes into his side. With the other half of the team gone, the table felt way too big and quiet, needlessly making Keith an even more visible target.
“What do you guys plan to do today?” Allura asks, voice appearing casual and friendly but oh, Keith knew way better than that.
“Mmm, I’m not sure,” Lance considers, sticking a spork into his mouth. “Sat in on one of Lotor’s sessions with Coran the other day—” He makes a face, “—and visited the Juniberry fields on the other side of town yesterday with Romelle and the local market the day before with Merla so…”
“How about the beach?”
“Beach?”
Allura nods. “There’s an ocean in the east, quite a bit of a distance from here but nothing the Lions can’t cover in a few ticks. Rebuilding efforts aren’t quite complete yet in that area so it might be a little on the underdeveloped side but a small population of Alteans are already living there and the view is absolutely beautiful. You could pay it a visit. I think you’d like it, Lance.”
“Whoa, sounds awesome!” Lance’s eyes lit up. “Might take you up on that suggestion. Let me guess, you’re busy again today?”
“Unfortunately, yes. I have a meeting with diplomats from a new ally of the Coalition and after that, I’m scheduled to show them around Altea’s main city. As it’s the first official meeting, I can’t afford to miss it.”
“Aw, that sucks.” When Lance turns back to his food, Allura swivels to Keith with fiery eyes and mouths a clear: “YOU take him there!”
Keith shrinks from the sheer intensity of her gaze and nods quietly, resigned to his fate. He’d been skulking around the Castle every day trying and failing to approach Lance, then losing his chance for the day completely as Lance took off gallivanting across Altea or making plans with other people only to return to the Castle late in the night. Allura had already given him the perfect opening so now was the time to strike.
Here goes nothing.
“Hey, Lance?” Lance looks up questioningly, mouth full of whatever food he had just scooped into his mouth, cheeks round and full so he indicates with a tilt of his head for Keith to speak. On his other side, Allura was elegantly eating her own food, eyes averted but Keith knew she was listening in. “Do you... do you want to go with me?”
It took a moment for Lance to swallow his food and reply. “Go..?”
“To the beach. The one Allura mentioned… we could take Black.”
Lance’s eyes widen comically. “You want to go visit the beach?”
Keith feels heat rising from beneath his collar. “Yeah? I mean, I’m on vacation, right? The beach sounds like a good, uh, vacation place.”
Lance frowns for a moment and Keith waits with bated breath (he feels Allura doing the same beside him). After a pause, Lance shrugs nonchalantly. “Sure. Why not?” He smiles before turning back to his food.
Keith’s heart does a backflip at that simple answer.
He was going to the beach with Lance.
He had a date with Lance.
Turning to Allura, he sees the way she smiles wide and winks and Keith knows for sure that he’s flushing for real now. Ducking his head to hide it, Keith does his best to get his heart rate under control. He was both parts ecstatic and nauseous, nervous anticipation filling him.
He finally has a date with Lance.
Not mission. Date.
After all her help, he couldn’t let Allura (and Shiro) down. Now that he had come this far, there was only one way to go: forward. It was time to bite the bullet.
Today is the day he wears his heart on his sleeve and tells Lance how he truly feels.
------------------------------
Black lands softly on the outskirts of town, hidden within the tall trees of an overgrown forest. Keith had suggested it when their destination had come into view so that they wouldn’t attract the attention of the locals. This was meant to be a private trip and he didn’t want them to stand out. Lance agreed.
Alighting from Black, they trekked the short distance to the entrance of the town. Lance was in high spirits, having gotten a glimpse of the sea while flying in with Black – the water had appeared blue from a distance but turned a sparkling lavender as they approached – and if that little surprise had given them any hint of what is to come, then they were in for a treat.
“Holy Kaltenecker! Can you imagine how that would look like in pictures?! I gotta get one for Sylvio and Nadia, they’re not gonna believe it! And how does that even work anyway? I thought the sea reflects the colour of the sky and Altea’s sky isn’t the slightest bit purple? And—”
Keith listened as Lance twittered excitedly while they walked. Despite being a nervous wreck over what he was planning to do, Lance’s voice was soothing, wrapping him with a sense of calm. It’s a power he has come to associate with Lance throughout their time as paladins and then as fellow members of the Blade – Lance’s presence has always been a source of strength: his stability.
Soon enough, they found themselves inside the small town. True to Allura’s word, the town could hardly be called a town at all. A ‘village’ would have been a more appropriate word to describe it. There were only a handful of buildings in the vicinity of what should have been the town centre and all of them were double-storeyed at most, a far cry from the full extent of Altean’s infamous technological might. Even the ground was still raw and untouched by progress, Altea’s fresh earth making up natural pathways between the few structures that were available.
Despite the lack of development, Keith thought it was a pretty nice place. It had a decent feel and a good change of pace for the perpetually hardworking Alteans. Sort of like a holiday zone. He figures that’s probably the real reason the place was left relatively unaffected by the rapid rebuilding efforts under the New Altea reign compared to the rest of the planet – it must have been a conscious decision.
“Hey, let’s check that place out!” Lance’s voice interrupts his thoughts. He was pointing at a little cottage off towards the side; a few groups of Alteans were sitting in chairs and tables placed around it, chatting and laughing as they dined away on delicious-smelling food. A middle-aged Altean woman bustled around carrying trays of food and drink as she served the diners, two little children running about and helping her where they could with their tiny limbs. It looked like a family-run business so of course, Lance would pick this place.
A few moments later found them sitting at one of the empty tables, ordering food from a handwritten menu, which thankfully also came with hand drawn pictures because after all these years, neither Keith nor Lance had ever picked up on the Altean language.
Their order came quickly and they dug in, enjoying the taste of homemade Altean delicacies.
“Grahmf mees doss sowsajuss (grab me those sausages).” Lance points at a plate through a mouth full of food. It’s a testament to how often this has happened before that Keith doesn’t have to ask for clarification, passing the correct plate of food over and gestures with a grunt to the bowl of soup on Lance’s side of the table and Lance passes the bowl over without another word.
Even though this was supposed to be a ‘date’, it didn’t feel much different than their usual hanging out times. It felt like just another one of their missions or the times in between, dropping by the alien equivalent of taverns and sometimes even camping out in the vast nothingness of space with no one else for company except for each other and Keith’s pet wolf. It was familiar. Comforting. Which worked fine for Keith, really. This is what he liked best about them – no matter what they were doing and where they were, things always just felt so natural. Just them being themselves. It felt good.
And so, Keith can’t help questioning if what he planned to do today was the right thing. Things were good like this. Things were great. Did he really dare put all that in jeopardy and ask for more?
When a new plate of food gets delivered to their table and Lance’s blue eyes sparkle with interest before turning to Keith and babbling something about the food, Keith feels a tug in his chest. Lance and him have known each other for a long time now, and have achieved a deep and mutual understanding of each other, far beyond what Keith has ever achieved with anyone else. He knew Lance would never do anything to hurt him so surely, as Shiro had put it, surely it was okay to just ask? To bare his soul?
“Arrr juu listhing to me? (are you listening to me?)” A hand is waved in front of his face and Keith jolts.
He nods and shrugs it off, quickly stuffing the food that’s midway to his mouth to escape having to explain himself. Thankfully, Lance doesn’t ask further and continues to ramble on about the food and how great it was.
Keith trusted Lance. This was what they were now. No matter what happened, Keith believed things would work out, that Lance would always have his back (and he, Lance’s). Their bond was stronger than ever. And Keith wanted to be honest with Lance.
The determination crystalizes and sets itself firm.
------------------------------
“Wow!” Lance exclaims, the moment he catches sight of the full view. Vaulting over the waist-high fence which separated pure-white sands from gravel, he runs the short stretch towards the shore where waves of striking lilac were beating across the entire length of the beach, sending a shimmery glitter of droplets with each splash against the shoreline. “This is amazing!”
Without waiting for Keith to catch up, Lance was already flinging his shoes off, joining the small crowd of people on the beach, which were mostly made up of Altean children playing beach games and building sand-structures that looked a lot more elaborate than regular sand-castles (Keith thinks he spots a sand-statue of Allura) whilst the older Alteans were out in the lavender sea, surfing and water-gliding (except without surfboards or gliders).
All in all, it wasn’t too different from a regular beach on Earth.
As Keith watched the beachgoers frolic around in the water, he feels a sudden tug at the back of his jacket and almost sets his bayard on the perpetrator when he spots a young Altean girl, only as tall as his waistline and holding a basket full of flowers.
“Would you like to buy some flowers, mister?” she asks innocently, big, brown puppy eyes staring up at him hopefully, the yellow markings on her cheeks glowing faintly.
“Hey there,” he greets her kindly, dropping down on one knee so that they were eye-level. He looks into her basket. Juniberries. Several single stalks of Juniberries beautifully wrapped in mesh and ribbons lay inside.
“These are real pretty, mister,” the girl goes on to say, pointing at the flowers in her basket. “Mama said pretty flowers are for pretty people! And you’re really pretty, mister!”
Keith chuckles good-naturedly. He’s never thought of himself as pretty but runs along with it as the girl shyly blushes.
“Won’t you buy a pretty flower, mister? For a pretty person?”
Pretty person, huh?
Keith regards the contents of the basket and picks out a single stalk of Juniberry, wrapped appealingly in silver-coloured ribbon and mesh the colour of the prettiest shade of blue he knows.
“This one looks good. How much for this one?”
When the girl states her price and Keith pays for it, giving her a large tip and she runs off happily; he gets to his feet and stares at the flower in his hand, feeling suddenly foolish.
Pretty flowers are meant for pretty people, the little girl had said. And he had picked the most beautiful flower in the basket for the most beautiful man he knew. Gulping his nerves down, he makes up his mind. It was way too late to back down now.
He scans the crowd on the beach, looking for his target. When he finds what he’s looking for, he hardens his resolve and moves past the bodies of Alteans towards the person he sought, like a man on a mission. He hangs on tightly to hope.
He’s practically at the very edge of the shoreline when he finally stops. It was emptier on this side of the beach, a small hidden cove surrounded by some of the larger rocks, separating it from the rest of the hustle-bustle of the beach. The seawater was calmer too, short waves rippling across the surface and splashing lightly against the shoreline, the shimmery lavender as clear as ever under Altea’s blazing afternoon sun.
This is where he finds Lance, ankle deep in the water (jeans folded up to his knees) and trying to take a selfie of himself with the camera function of his communicator.
Keith takes a deep breath and calls forth on courage.
“Hey, Lance?”
“Mm, yeah?” Lance looks up from behind his camera, looking distracted.
“There’s something I have to tell you.”
“What’s that?” Lance’s brows furrow momentarily before he registers the words and the serious look on Keith’s face. “Oh! Okay, hang on, lemme just—” Lance squeezes his communicator into his jeans pocket and gingerly threads through the waters until he’s back on solid ground. Shaking seawater off his feet and still barefooted, he makes his way up and lifts his head to meet Keith’s determined gaze. “What’s up?”
Keith dithers. With Lance standing right in front of him, his mouth felt suddenly as heavy as lead and it became remarkably difficult to speak words at all. Lance seems to notice the strange mood Keith was in, his relaxed expression sharpening quickly and he focuses his full attention on Keith.
“Keith? What’s going on? Is something wrong?” His eyes were darting around now, as if expecting enemies to suddenly pop-up and attack.
“No!” Keith almost shouts and Lance jumps at the sudden loud sound, staring at him in confusion and Keith wants to bang his head against those rocks. “No, I mean, I, uh—” Keith tries again then remembers the flower he had kept hidden behind his back all this time. “Here!” He brandishes the lovely little bundle containing his entire heart with a rough jerk in Lance’s direction, hoping that Lance wouldn’t notice his shaky hands.
Confused blue eyes light up when he sees the bundle and Keith could have sworn Lance’s Altean marks flicker for just a miniscule moment and making his heart jump as he takes it from Keith with a happy smile. “Oh! That’s a really pretty Juniberry. Where’d you get it from?”
“Um…” Keith smacks himself internally and forces his tongue to bloody work. “S-some kid was offering it. For cheap. Just… just thought I’d get one. For you.”
“That’s nice of you. You probably made that kid’s day.” Lance says with a smile, completely unsuspecting.
“…yeah.”
“Thanks for giving it to me.”
“No problem.”
“…”
“…”
“Soooo,” Lance prods after a short pause. “Is that it? You wanted to give me this flower?”
“Yes! No! I mean,” Keith swallows the lump in his throat and wills himself to speak, frowning hard. “I wanted to give you the flower but I haven’t told you what I wanted to say.”
“Okay. Well, I’m listening.”
Keith takes a deep breath as Lance waits patiently for him to gather his thoughts, ever so understanding and patient. Come on, Keith, pull yourself together! Letting out a huge breath (which Lance mercifully doesn’t question), he straightens himself and looks Lance in the eye.
“Before I say it, I just wanted you to know that this is something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while now, and that nothing has to change irrespective of what happens.”
“Um, okaaaaay?” Lance was confused, eyebrows raised curiously at the cryptic words. “Seriously, what’s this about? Are you gonna tell me you’re half-merman now or something?”
This was it. Keith draws all the daring he had from the depths of his soul and leaps.
“I like you, Lance.”
“I sure hope you do seeing as I have to count on you to watch my back.” Lance laughs. “I like you too.”
“No, you don’t get it. I... I have feelings for you.”
“Huh?”
A little frustrated that his words weren’t getting through, Keith instinctively reaches out to join their hands together, the same way they'd done so long ago in a moment that meant the world to Keith. He’s always been more of an action (not words) person anyway.
Clasping unstable fingers over Lance’s hand – the one that was holding the Juniberry – he looks expressively at Lance, face on fire and heart pumping a million miles a minute, willing for Lance to understand the true meaning of his words.
He sees the exact moment when realization starts to dawn.
Lance’s jaw drops, eyes going wide as he stares at Keith, completely frozen.
An eternity passes.
“…wh..what did you say? I think I must have heard you wrong.”
“You heard right.” Keith swallows thickly. “I… I like you, Lance. In the non-platonic sense of the word. I—I’m in love with you,” Keith finally dares to say, managing to spit the words out albeit with immense difficulty, wanting to make his meaning crystal clear.
Another long silence passes between them. After three minutes have gone by and Lance still doesn’t move or respond, that’s when the discomfort starts to brew. Keith fidgets. This… wasn’t going very well.
“Look, Lance, I understand if you need time but I just wanted to tell you.”
No response.
“Nothing has to change between us. I... I just thought I’d let you know.”
Still no response.
“Lance…?”
At long last, Lance gasps loudly, as if breaking out of a trance, pulling his hand back harshly and the dread spikes in Keith.
“I—I don’t know what to say. Keith… I never expected this.”
“It’s okay!” Keith scrambles to save the situation, a dark feeling of foreboding sweeping rapidly over him. This wasn’t going well at all. “I know this must have come as a shock but—”
“It’s a shock, alright.” Lance cuts him off with a sharp nod and Keith falls silent, his hopes already beginning to sink. “Keith, I, uh. I never thought about it… you know, that way. We’ve always been a good team. We’re friends! This is just— it’s not what I, I don’t even know what to say! I… I can’t—”
“I understand,” Keith interrupts and suddenly he doesn’t want to hear anymore. He doesn’t want to talk about this anymore. He regrets ever bringing it up. What had he been thinking? Fear and panic prickles at the edge of his consciousness. “It’s okay! Like I said, nothing has to change. We’re still friends, still a great team! Things will be okay, right?”
Lance doesn’t answer. Instead, he turns away. The bottom of Keith’s stomach drops.
“Lance?”
“Hey, um. You know what? I… I need to head back to the Castle.”
“…what?”
“I just remembered I had something to do for Coran.” The lie was so obvious, it’s like Lance wasn’t even trying. “I’m just gonna… gonna head back, yeah? You can stay. Don’t let me stop you.” Without even waiting for a response, Lance whips around and starts putting on his shoes. By the time Keith had the sense of mind to ask, Lance was already walking away.
“Hey, wait! We came here in Black! How are you—”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Lance waves him off. He wasn’t looking at Keith, staring somewhere over his shoulder. “I have my ways. Enjoy the beach, man.”
Keith watches helplessly as Lance practically runs away from him. And then he was gone.
Just like that.
And Keith knows now just how much he’s messed up.
A bitter taste was filling the insides of his mouth, bile rising in his throat. Seriously, what had he been expecting? Lance had never shown any hints of liking him that way so Keith must have been delusional to have hoped that they could have been something more. What had he been thinking? What had he even been expecting?
He was so stupid.
Standing on a secluded part of a crowded beach without Lance by his side, Keith feels more alone than he has in a long time, a yawning hollowness beginning to spawn in his chest and swallowing him whole.
------------------------------
“Thanks, Coran.”
“Not a problem.” The older man watches in silence as Lance steps out of the transport pod he’d requested to be sent over to the beach town after the… incident.
“I suppose you’re not going to tell me what happened to cause this,” Coran’s voice breaks him out of the mess in his head. The older man was gesturing at the transport pod.
“I…” Lance fumbles for words. Finding none that could appropriately describe his current feelings, he slumps. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s perfectly fine, m’ boy. I understand. We all have things we need to work out on our own sometimes.”
“… thanks.”
With a light wave, he leaves the docking bay and heads straight to his room. Once safely inside, having managed to not bump into anyone, Lance leans his back against the door and slides down, curling into a ball.
His thoughts were everywhere.
Keith had… feelings for him? And not just any feelings, romantic feelings? So today was actually… a date? Not just their usual hanging out?
Keith wanted to date him?
It was something he’d never considered before so this was all just so… shocking.
Breathing deeply in an effort to calm his irregular heartbeat (it hadn’t stopped beating wildly since that moment on the beach which tilted his world on its axis).
The Keith he had first known from the Garrison, the Keith who had started off as a bitter rival turned good teammate and then trusted leader and now a fellow colleague and partner leading a humanitarian organization with more than a thousand members, the Keith who he had fought life and death battles with during the war, the Keith who was a close friend and knew him better than anyone else, the Keith who had become an irreplaceable part of his life. That Keith who was everything and more to Lance. But a romantic interest?
It’s not something he’s ever thought of, never thought was possible before.
Was it possible?
No.
Yes.
Maybe?
He didn’t know.
He needed time.
Amongst the thoughts swirling around him, the memory of pained violet eyes against a backdrop of glittering vapour from the ocean keeps coming back to the forefront and he doesn’t realize until much later that he still has the single stalk of Juniberry clutched tightly in his fingers.
------------------------------
It was way past midnight by the time Keith made it back to the Altean castle’s hangar.
As soon as he exits his Lion, Allura is running towards him. She must have been waiting for him there this entire time.
“Keith, I heard—”
“Is Lance back?” he finds himself asking, cutting the Queen off.
“Yes. He had Coran send for a transport pod. He was back vargas ago. Keith, I—”
“It’s fine if Lance is safely back.” His voice is curt. Emotionless. “I’m heading in.”
“Wait—”
“I don’t want to hear it, Allura.”
With quick, determined strides past her, Keith makes to leave. He keeps his gaze down, long bangs covering most of his face so no one could see the wretched expression he wore and couldn’t seem to erase despite flying around Altea’s orbit at least ten times on Black within the last few hours. He wasn’t proud of his lack of control but the wounds were too fresh and hiding his feelings was never his strong suit. Everyone always knew how he felt. Everyone. Except maybe Lance. Ironically, Lance could read Keith like an open book for every other little thing, except this. Just the thought of the other man now made his chest feel like it was caving in on itself. He would be fine in the morning. He would make damn sure that he was. But for now, he needed to be alone.
“Keith, please!” Allura persists, reaching a hand out to Keith.
Instincts kicking in, Keith swiftly slaps it away, stopping in his tracks. “Don’t touch me!”
“Please—”
“I said I don’t want to hear it!”
“No!” Allura adamantly fights back. Before Keith could stop her, she steps right into his personal space and pulls him into a hug.
“Let go!”
“No.”
Keith struggles against her hold but fails to break free (damned Altean super-strength). Soon enough, Keith gives up and goes limp in the Queen’s arms, breaths coming in harshly. The walls were closing in on him, making it harder to breathe, an unbearable weight pressing over his chest and robbing him of his ability to speak or think coherently. He didn’t need to though. Allura didn’t ask for any words. Instead, she held him steady yet gentle, keeping her head turned firmly away, respecting his need for privacy in this moment of weakness.
“I’m sorry,” the Queen of Altea says. “I’m sorry.”
Clenching his teeth, Keith’s arms involuntarily come up around her, clutching at her tightly, panting hard and bracing against the increasing contractions in his chest threatening to overwhelm him. He didn’t cry but something inside was definitely breaking. Broken. And still breaking.
He’s not sure how long they stand like that but when they part, Keith’s breathing is a bit more in control and Allura remains dutifully silent.
She walks him back to his room and waves a silent ‘good night’ as he disappears into it.
No other words were exchanged that night.
------------------------------
The following days were some of the worst in Keith’s life.
The day after his failed confession, Keith and Lance returned to the Blade of Marmora headquarters and were immediately catapulted into work piled-up from their absence, which was a whole entire mountain or maybe two, having missed a week’s worth of it.
Keith welcomed the distraction, needing something to take his mind off his inner turmoil. It was plain to see that things were extremely awkward between him and Lance. Whether consciously or not, the other man was keeping his distance; going out of his way to ensure that he was never alone with Keith. Being the one in charge of mission assignment, this made it easy for Lance to do - he made sure they were never paired alone anymore, that there were always other members tagging along on missions with them. Keith never realised how much he appreciated having Lance to himself until the privilege was brutally stripped away. The realisation that Lance was actively avoiding him was another dagger embedded along with the rest of the daggers which had taken residence in his cold, wilting heart – sinking deeper and settling in with no signs of being pulled out anytime soon.
It hurt.
But more than that, their previously seamless teamwork was suffering and it was beginning to show in their mission results. Regardless of the circumstances between them, as first and second-in-command of a rapidly growing organization like the Blades, this was unacceptable.
Keith decided enough was enough.
So, after a mission briefing one day, he confronts Lance.
Lance stood at the head of the table with his hands on his waist staring intently at the data displayed on the screen. He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed he and Keith were the only ones left in the room.
“Lance.” Keith steps up behind the other man, making his presence known.
Lance jumps, face visibly shocked to find Keith behind him. His eyes darted frantically around the room, only then realizing that they were completely alone. Keith’s chest tightens when he sees the panic build in Lance’s eyes at the sheer thought of being alone with Keith.
“Stop this.”
“Uh, stop what?”
“Stop avoiding me.”
“I’m not avoiding you.” Lance says too quickly, averting his gaze sideways. “What makes you think that? Haha, you’re funny!” He forces a laugh, sounding so unnatural that Keith’s ears bled from hearing it.
“Look, it… it doesn’t matter if you don’t… I told you nothing has to change between us.”
“Nothing’s changed.” Lance says, feigning an innocent look. “Everything’s perfectly normal.”
Yeah right. Who did Lance think he was fooling?
“Lance, if it makes you feel better, we can—we can just forget it ever happened. We don’t have to talk about it ever again.” Keith feels his heart twinge at the words. The feelings he’s carried for so long, the weight of it all, having to dismiss it as something that can be forgotten so simply was pulling at the very roots of his heartstrings. But if that’s what he needed to do to return things to normal, then he would gladly do it. Even if he knew he would never forget. But Lance didn’t have to know that. Lance didn’t have to trouble himself with Keith’s feelings. Not anymore. Keith would never speak it into existence ever again.
“Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s a great idea. Let’s do that. I mean, it’s not like I was avoiding you, I’m really not! But. Yeah.” Lance nods enthusiastically, still not meeting Keith’s eyes.
Keith feels the last of his hopes dwindle and die (after everything how could he even have any left, he must really be fifty kinds of stupid), withering away and the ashes of it burying itself in the depths of his soul where it will rot until the end of time. It was the final nail in the coffin. Lance clearly didn’t feel the same for him.
But that was okay.
Keith would be okay. They could just continue being friends. It didn’t matter if Lance didn’t see him like that. As long as they could stay the way they were, great teammates and partners, the Blades’ invincible duo. Knowing his feelings were unreciprocated broke his heart but it’s nothing that couldn’t be swept aside if that’s what’s needed to make Lance feel better. What Keith couldn’t bear was to lose their friendship. There was a special bond between them that surpassed any silly dreams Keith might have harboured and Keith treasured it above all else. He just needed to give Lance a little time now. Once he’s gotten over the shock of things, they would be okay again.
Keith truly believed so.
“Okay.”
------------------------------
It was not okay.
------------------------------
Hopeless days passed.
He really should have known better. Despite what he suggested, Lance remained distant. He wasn’t going out of his way to turn the other way now (Keith suspected Lance was consciously making an effort to ensure this) but there was an undeniable strain in their relationship that couldn’t be ignored.
Everyone noticed it.
**********
“Looks like loverboy here had a fight with our Leader.”
Keith sees the way Lance tenses at the words. He had his back turned to the rest of the team, scrutinizing the projected screen in front of him which displayed details of the latest Blade assignments and recruits.
“Ezor, enough.” Acxa reprimands.
“Okay, okay, don’t tease the bosses. Got it.” She gets up from the meeting table where they were all seated with a distasteful mutter of ‘men’ under her breath before skipping over to Zethrid who was snoozing in a corner of the room, a cheery smile on her face.
Acxa looks at Keith then, expression concerned but she doesn’t voice it. Instead, she wordlessly turns back to the papers in front of her. Biting back a sigh, Keith follows suit.
Lance remained unmoving in front of the screen.
**********
Some kind of leader he was if even his subordinates were worried for him.
By now, he’s given Lance more than enough time and yet, things still weren’t going back to normal. Keith isn’t sure things would ever be normal anymore, his previous confidence crumbling with every day that passed and their relationship remained awkward. He really thought their bond was stronger than this but apparently… he was wrong.
Lance’s evasive indifference was wearing him thin but he didn’t know what else he could do to fix it. If he could even fix it. And stupid lovesick fool as he might sound, he didn’t even blame Lance for it. Not really. Allura’s been calling in from time-to-time to check on Keith and he knew she felt guilty about what happened but she really shouldn’t be. It’s not her fault. It’s not Lance’s fault. It’s no one’s fault but his own. He had made a choice. He let his selfish thoughts get in the way and this was the result. He made his bed and now he would lie in it. That’s all it was.
Did he regret it? Yes. Every time he looks at Lance a little too long and Lance shifts away with an uncomfortable expression. Yes, he regrets it very much. He never should have said anything that could have endangered one of the most precious bonds in his life.
Now everything was ruined.
“Keith, do you copy?” Krolia’s voice cuts through his thoughts.
“Infiltrate Ranveig’s old base – an abandoned spaceship located at the coordinates which you’ve given, download all data on experiments carried out there before resetting the server and clearing the database so that no one else can find it and continue his work.”
“Affirmative.” Krolia confirms. Reassured that Keith was clear of the mission details, her expression softens. “Are you okay? You seem... tense.”
“I’m fine.”
Even through the screen of the communicator, he can tell Krolia isn’t convinced in the slightest but she doesn’t push it. That’s how things work between them. They respect each other’s boundaries. She knows he would come around and talk to her when he was ready. For this issue though, Keith knew it would never happen. He’s already decided he would never bring it up again. He had locked his heart away that fateful day on the beach and the key was tossed when he promised Lance to pretend it never happened.
“Alright,” Krolia sighs. “Be careful on this mission. It should be a fairly simple one but this is Ranveig we’re talking about. Even I don’t know for sure what to expect from an abandoned base of his.”
“Got it.”
Shutting his communicator, Keith sighs and lies back in his bed, already mentally planning out the briefing he was going to need to hold with his team for Krolia’s latest assignment.
He stroked the white fur of his pet wolf, who laid beside him in deep sleep, having fallen ill again recently and would clearly be unable to join in the next mission. It’s been happening quite frequently lately – Kosmo falling ill – but there was nothing to be done, experts telling him that it was just old age and assuring him that Kosmo would be fine after some rest, just as long as he doesn’t overexert himself.
Keith hugged the warm, sleeping form of his wolf tightly to himself, the large animal not even stirring in its slumber. Kosmo was one of the only constant sources of comfort he had left. Keith couldn’t bear the thought of losing him so he prayed in his heart that it would never happen.
He’s already lost a huge part of his world.
He couldn’t afford to lose any more of whatever remained of it.
He just couldn’t.
------------------------------
“You look terrible.”
“Same to you.”
A sigh. “Keith.”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Shiro.”
“I know what you must be feeling—”
“You really don’t, so stop.”
“Keith—”
“Shiro, I have a mission to prepare for in less than an hour.”
Another sigh. “Fine. We’ll talk more later.”
“No, I really don’t want to talk about this. Ever.”
“You can’t just keep everything inside!” Shiro’s expression is exasperated through the screen of the communicator in Keith’s hand. “I’m just worried for you. I want to help, and so does Allura!”
“You can’t help me.” Keith dismisses. No one can. Except one person. And that person wouldn’t even look Keith in the eye now. Keith bites down on the cruel twist in his gut at the mere thought. “Just leave it alone, Shiro.”
“Keith—”
Keith promptly shuts off the communicator and blocks all incoming calls. He had a mission to prepare for.
As he lets instincts and muscle memory guide him through his usual preparations, he belatedly realizes that Shiro and Allura must really have been colluding all this time if Shiro knew about… this. Keith had never told anyone.
It didn’t matter anyway. Not anymore.
Nothing really seemed to matter lately.
Stroking the fur of his wolf in a ‘goodbye’, the large wolf whining feebly as if to apologize for not being able to help; Keith left his room in the Blades quarters behind, making his way to the usual pre-mission brief.
------------------------------
“We’ve located the main server room.”
“Understood. We’ll continue our search on this side for any additional suspects.”
“Okay, we’ll leave it to you.”
After Lance had gotten off the line with Acxa, Keith advances; easily breaking through the door which should hold the main server according to the data from Krolia.
Once inside, the data was proven true.
The abandoned server room was large, filled with nothing but long-unused computers and screens and all manners of Galra equipment. Without wasting time, Keith identifies the main hub; it was exactly where Krolia’s data had said it would be and sticks the little device Pidge had supplied him into one of the ports. Immediately, the main screen in the room lights up, Pidge’s hacking software automatically running and conveniently doing all the necessary work by itself.
All they needed to do was wait.
Normally, this would have been prime time for Keith and Lance to fool around, messing about with whatever they could find wherever they were – they once started a mini-soccer match with a disembodied sentry head during wait time on one of their missions; it was their little secret because God forbid if anyone found out the hijinks the Leader and Deputy Leader of the Blades got up to in the middle of missions. Keith suspects Acxa knows but she loyally keeps her silence.
But that was all in the past now. The slight upward quirk on his lips from the fond memory disappears as Keith returns to reality. At present time, Keith stands motionless, staring unseeingly at the main screen as the hacking software runs, the air around him completely silent and tense. He senses Lance behind him but the other man wasn’t moving or speaking either. Usually, Lance never stopped talking.
It was unnatural. Was. It’s becoming the norm now. Keith supposed he needed to get used to it.
This was their new usual.
Stuck in his own headspace, Keith barely registers when Lance starts to speak.
“Hey? Got a moment?”
Keith visibly jerks up. If Lance noticed, he doesn’t mention it.
“Yeah,” Keith says, not daring to turn around to face the other man. His heartbeat increases, a lump building in his throat from the added pressure. This was the first time Lance was reaching out to him ever since their disastrous ‘date’ on the beach. He didn’t know what to expect.
“I was just thinking…” Lance’s voice was slow, cautious. It unnerved Keith. He listens intently.
“…yeah?”
“After this mission, I was thinking of taking a break.”
Keith stops. “A… break?”
“Yeah, from Blade duties.”
Lance… Lance wanted to... leave?
“It's been awhile since I visited my family on Earth. Thought I'd just drop in y’know. Spend some time with them—”
The pieces of Keith’s already fractured heart shatter into dust. He didn’t think there was anything left of it but apparently there was. The world around Keith greys out, the colours fading away as the growing hollowness overtakes his vision, sending him further into the depths of hell even though he thought he'd already hit rock bottom.
Lance wanted to leave.
Lance was still talking but he hardly processes the words.
“—I hope you don’t misunderstand. It’s just a short holiday. Sort of? I’ll be back before you know it and then we’ll be back on the routine, just the same as always.”
Liar, Keith thinks. Nothing is the same anymore. Everything has changed.
Everything.
Lance wanted to leave. The one person he never wanted to leave him, the one person he couldn’t bear the thought of going on without. Everyone he loved always left him. His dad, his mum, even Shiro and now…
Was this karma from the time he left the team all those years ago? Was this punishment for wanting more than he deserved? Was this what he got for loving someone too much?
Lance was going to leave him.
And Keith was powerless to stop it.
It was all over.
He clenches his jaw, willing himself to keep his composure, willing himself not to cry (he hadn’t cried all this time and he’s not about to start, especially not in front of Lance), willing himself not to tremble. Willing himself not to break.
Perhaps the heavens heard his internal cry for help for salvation came. But not in the way he would have expected it.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
“What’s that?” Lance immediately snaps to attention.
Keith scans the main screen quickly, Pidge’s software was done (he hadn’t noticed) but there was a new message on the screen, blaring red. They must have triggered something.
“Keith, Lance, do you copy?” Acxa’s voice comes through their linked comms. “Something’s wrong. The base’s innate security protocols must have been triggered. It’s going into lockdown.”
“Shit!” Lance curses. “Take Ezor and Zethrid and evacuate immediately. We’ll be right there!”
“Roger!”
“We need to get out.”
Keith nods, plucking Pidge’s device and pocketing it. He’s glad he has his mask on. He doesn’t know what kind of expression he’s wearing. Either way, they had more urgent things to attend to right now.
They made their way out of the server room, retracing their steps to where he had parked the Black Lion in which they had all come in, located right at the other end of the spaceship which made up the base.
“Beginning countdown to self-destruct mode. 50, 49, 48—"
“What the—?” Lance’s voice is panicked. “This place is going to self-destruct?!”
“Come on! We need to go!”
Keith runs through the corridors, aware of Lance’s quick footsteps pounding right behind him. Thankfully, there weren’t any enemies to fight as they made their way through the hallways but the bad news was every door they needed to pass to get to Black had locked down and refused to open. Lamenting the fact that his teleporting wolf was not at his current disposal, Keith ends up using his blaster gun to forcefully mow a path through each and every one of the locked doors, but it was taking time. Time which they didn’t have.
“25, 24, 23—"
“This is the last door!” Lance points urgently at the final obstacle in their way. Black was on the other side, parked outside an emergency hatch through which they’d broken in.
Keith points his blaster at the last door and shoots. As luck would have it, the door remained intact. Unlike all the other doors, this one appeared to be reinforced. A blaster gun wasn’t enough to break through it.
“15, 14, 13—"
“We’re in the clear!” Acxa’s voice comes suddenly. “The door to the Black Lion wouldn’t open so we exited through an emergency hatch and are in open space. Are you with us?”
Lance rushes to the closest emergency hatch in the corridor and slices at the barrier enclosing it with his bayard-formed broadsword. The barrier comes apart instantly, leaving the hatch in plain sight. That was their escape. They were safe.
Lance turns back to Keith and through his posture Keith could read Lance’s relief.
And then he sees it.
“8, 7, 6—”
A warning red glow illuminates behind Lance from where the barrier enclosing the hatch had once been. There was no time for a warning.
“Lance!”
Keith lunges as he shouts Lance’s name, black bayard transforming into a huge shield, the latest form he had unlocked, and covers Lance just as the explosion goes off.
Multiple things happen at the same time.
The blast from the explosion creates a momentary breach in the hatch, sucking Lance out into open space from where Keith had shoved him out of danger before a purple glow replaces the red and instantly re-seals the breach while Keith is propelled backwards into the corridor he had come from; shrapnel and large chunks of the ship which had been blown up in the explosion piercing through parts of his body and forcing him further back.
“3, 2, 1—”
“Keith!” Lance screams into his ear through their still-linked comms.
The second lasts an eternity.
Through the haze of pain, Keith stares blearily where Lance’s profile had been just a few seconds ago, the lanky form of the man he loved so dearly having disappeared into safety.
Despite everything, Keith feels himself smile.
Lance was safe.
Even if Lance wanted to leave him, even if Keith was reduced to scraping up the pieces of his broken heart, Lance was Lance. Keith could destroy realities for Lance. It was always about Lance.
Always, always Lance.
He was just sorry that he couldn’t see those ocean blue eyes one last time. With echoes of Lance’s voice shouting his name being the last thing he hears, red heat fills his vision.
And then, the world was no more.
------------------------------
Lance stares in horror as explosions rock the base he had been in just mere seconds ago before he had been sent flying out into open space.
No.
No.
Keith was still inside.
Lance activates his jetpack, fully intending to re-enter Ranveig’s exploding spaceship but a hand on his shoulder stops him.
“Lance, what are you doing?!” Acxa questions him, her expression alarmed. Floating behind her, Lance could see Ezor and Zethrid, looking unusually anxious themselves. “Wait, where’s Keith?”
“He’s inside!” Lance grits out. They were wasting time talking. He turns back but Acxa isn’t letting him go.
“You can’t go back in! It's too dangerous!”
“Watch me!”
“You’ll get yourself killed!”
“Then so be it!” Lance roars. “I'm not losing him!”
Acxa’s stunned stare was the last thing he saw before he flew back towards the self-destructing base. Desperation filled all of his senses. He had been hurled out too far. He wasn’t going fast enough.
Keith.
A low rumble echoes in his head and Lance has all of one moment to register it before a large shadow appears above him. He doesn’t even get the chance to see what it is before he finds himself swallowed by the darkness and the next thing he knew, he was seated in Black’s pilot seat.
The Black Lion’s low rumble resounds again in his head and Lance understood perfectly.
Gripping at the controls, Black’s screen lights up and they make straight for the base. With a single goal in his mind, he doesn’t even notice the bright blue glowing through his gloved-fingers or the way his cheek marks shone brilliantly, iridescent blue flashing and mixing with the interior of Black’s purple-lit walls. All he could think about was Keith.
“Thank you, Black. Let’s go get him.”
------------------------------
“Are you sure he’s alright?” Krolia demands.
“That’s what the meds said,” Lance explains grimly. He was exhausted but he had to do this. He needed to explain to Krolia what had happened to her son to the best of his abilities. “He’s… a bit roughed up and still unconscious. But they believe he’ll make a full recovery.”
Krolia looked worried, brows creased in a frown. “I want to be there but I can’t leave until the envoys leave and that won’t be for another full day.”
“It’s okay. You’re doing your best for the new Galra empire, for the sake of peace. Keith would understand. You can get here once you’re in the clear.”
“Still, he is the only family I have left. I… I can’t lose him.”
“I understand.” Lance really did, his own frown deepening, causing him to look twice as old as he really was. The chilling fear of how close they had actually been to losing Keith was still gripping at his heart with its sharp claws, causing his fatigued body to break out in random cold palpitations from time-to-time. It might be selfish of him and he was in no position to do so but he wasn’t going to tell Krolia about that. That was a fear no one else needed to know of. No one.
“Lance?”
“Yeah?”
“Take care of my son.” Krolia’s expression was serious, full of meaning and it’s the wrong time to be thinking about menial stuff in the face of what had just transpired but Lance wonders if she knows what happened between them. Keith didn’t seem the type to tell. But then again, mothers always knew anyway.
“I will.”
Once the call ended, Lance lets out a huge sigh and leans back against the bench in the hospital’s resting area. The planet they were currently on was a small one, slightly underdeveloped but still a trustworthy member of the Coalition and with fairly decent medical facilities. It wasn’t the most ideal but this planet had been the closest to Ranveig’s base and without immediate access to Altea’s handy healing pods (something that hasn’t been required since the end of the war), they didn’t have the luxury of choice at the time.
With Black’s help, Lance had managed to locate and extricate Keith from the wreckage in a short amount of time. It hadn’t been a pretty sight and Lance was sure he would be haunted by nightmares in the years to come from what he had seen. There was so much blood and for a few heart-stopping moments Lance had been afraid that he was already too late. But through their mind-link, Black had urged him on, pushing him to take Keith and get help; that there was still a chance but they had to hurry.
Before he really knew what was happening, he had bundled the injured man up into the back of the Lion, casting a little bit of Altean preservation magic Allura had once taught him (thank God for that) on Keith’s beaten body, collected Acxa and the others and then they were rushing away from ground zero all the way through the front doors of this hospital, a barely breathing Keith in Lance’s arms.
It’s been a full two days since then and almost a full day since the hospital’s best medics have informed Lance that Keith’s vitals were improving and that he would be alright once he woke up, and Lance had finally started functioning again. He couldn’t recall what he did on the first day after Keith had disappeared behind the emergency doors.
Since hearing the good news from the medics, he had been busy making calls – to Shiro, Krolia; and then answering calls as the rest of team Voltron who heard the news called in to check on him and Keith. Krolia had made several calls in that time; querying about Keith’s status every so often, eager to speak to her son and ensure that he was alright since she was currently stuck at an important meet for the new Galra empire with Kolivan. Acxa, Ezor and Zethrid had fortunately escaped unscathed and Lance had sent them back to the Blades’ headquarters a couple of hours ago, putting Acxa temporarily in charge. Someone needed to keep the rest of the Blades informed and assure them that their leader was fine – just in need of some rest – and to carry on with duties as per normal. They couldn’t afford to stop working because of something like this when there were still civilisations out there in the universe which direly needed help.
Apart from all of that, there was nothing much for Lance to do but to wait for Keith to wake up.
Lance hugs his arms around himself and lets the full extent of his emotions wash over him. With nothing else to do and only himself for company, he’s had some time to think over all the recent happenings.
When Keith hadn’t made it out of that base, he had been so scared.
That brief moment when he found Keith’s battered and unresponsive body, when he thought he had lost Keith for good, the world had stopped spinning. Before this, he had never imagined a life without Keith. The possibility of a world without Keith wasn’t one he ever considered. At least, not since the war ended. Keith had always been a constant, especially in the recent years as they built up the Blades together post-war, working on missions, going on space adventures and helping those in the universe who needed it. Keith was his leader, in Voltron and in the Blades, always so strong and brave and reckless. He was always so full of life. Though admittedly, that last part was questionable lately. For the past few weeks leading up to the mission at Ranveig’s base, Keith had been going around with an air of defeat, quiet and closed-up and low-spirited; like a kicked puppy, so unlike his usual cool and confident self. And even though Lance noticed it, Lance knew it; he couldn’t say anything. Didn’t know what to say. Because he was the cause of it.
A familiar guilt weighs down heavily on Lance’s mind, making him feel even more nauseous, the anxiety heaping on him in buckets and threatening to drown him. It’s something that has been happening a lot lately. Lance felt like the scum of the earth for snuffing out Keith’s light.
But what was he supposed to do? What should he have done? With all that had happened between them?
He had never entertained the idea of Keith and him being together before so he had gone into shock. Questioning what he felt, what he wanted, what he needed.
And it was pathetic, Lance knew that, but he still didn’t know the answer to any of those questions even after all this time. Lost and confused, he hadn’t known how to react. So he did what he always did when he didn’t know the answer to something: avoid it. In hindsight and probably much too late now, he realizes avoiding was the worst thing he could have done to Keith.
He doesn’t know how long Keith had harboured these feelings for him but it must have been for some time. Even Allura had known, which explained her strange behaviour back on Altea during the end of war celebrations, and she had approached Lance about it just before they left Altea.
**********
“Lance, I know something happened between you and Keith.”
Lance remained silent, not ready to talk about it, the incident still too fresh in his mind.
“I’m not going to ask what happened or how, but I will say this. Are you sure?” Allura asked, expression more serious than Lance ever remembers it being since the war ended.
No, Lance wasn’t sure. It was the whole reason why everything was so difficult. Allura seemed to sense his wavering confusion too for she only sighed and placed a pitying hand on his shoulder with one final piece of advice: “Think about this carefully. Keith… he means this.”
**********
Allura didn’t have to tell him that. Lance knew the truth for himself.
Of course, he had subsequently spent a lot of time considering his feelings for Keith. How did he feel for him?
The man was attractive (yes, mullet and fingerless gloves included, but don’t tell him that) and he was a skilled fighter and talented in so many ways and although he was brash and unrefined at times, he had a gentle heart which he didn’t show and was an endlessly loyal and trustworthy friend who never abandoned Lance’s side even when Lance was shouting for it and though Keith still wasn’t perfect by any means, he was someone Lance treasured. Someone he never wished to lose. Keith was important to him. That much, he knew. But where was he supposed to draw the line between friendship and… more? Lance had never viewed their relationship in lines or boxes or categories or anything like that so the question, when posed so suddenly, was one he found he didn’t know how to answer.
And that was the reason he had come up with the idea of taking a break from the Blades. He thought if he had some space to himself, maybe he would start finding the answers he was looking for. Even though Keith did his best to hide it, he was obviously hurting. The way Keith looked at him was wounded and it made sense then to give Keith some space (better than keeping the source of his pain around, right?) while Lance took much needed time to search for his answers. A break from each other sounded like just the thing they needed.
But then this happened.
The numbness he felt when he thought Keith was lost; the way the world seemed to fall apart; the way he didn’t seem to have direction without Keith around – he was practically sitting around in an old-school style hospital right now, incapable of doing anything but wait for Keith to wake up and make everything right again.
Without Keith, his life stood still.
Without Keith—
His train of thoughts stuttered to a halt. Lance shook his head before the thoughts started to convolute inside his brain the way it’s been doing so often lately. With one hand, he absent-mindedly reaches into the overnight bag in his lap (Acxa had passed it to him before she left) and pulled out a little A6-sized leather bound notebook. It was his journal; something he’s been using to note down new strategies and ideas for the Blades and to keep track of missions. But right now, he flips past all of that and turns to the last page.
A pressed Juniberry, not more than a few weeks old, lay immortalized between the two last pages. It was the very one Keith had given to him on the day he confessed.
For whatever reason, Lance hadn’t had the heart to throw it away. It was something Keith had presented to him from the bottom of his heart and Lance cherished it.
He contemplates the pretty pink colour of the preserved petals in silence; fingers mindlessly tracing the now dried-up texture and letting the familiar strange calmness wash over him as he does this. He couldn’t explain it but every time he looked at this flower, the symbol of Keith’s feelings, it evoked a sense of peace in him, soothing the pressure from his tangled thoughts; like a fluffy, warm blanket wrapping around him on a cold, winter night and Lance starts to think that perhaps, perhaps, there was meaning to this.
Echoes of swift footsteps approaching breaks him out of his reverie and he snaps out of it in time to see a green alien with three eyes and dressed in hospital scrubs appear before him.
“He is awake.” The alien says, slightly out-of-breath from the quick pace in which he had been walking.
That was all it took to get Lance on his feet, tossing all his belongings back into his overnight bag. With a quick “thank you”, he takes off in a rush towards the direction the alien medic had come from, blood rapidly pumping in his ears.
Keith was awake.
Keith.
Keith.
Lance was suddenly desperate to see the man, the man he was lost without, the man life had come to a standstill without, the man life didn’t feel right without, the man he…?
Heartbeat racing, he clenches his jaw and hastens his footsteps.
Keith.
------------------------------
The first thing he did upon regaining consciousness was to jump up in bed and shout for Lance in panic. Which promptly sent him into the depths of agony because God damn, what had he done to himself? It felt like a thousand burning stakes had been driven straight through various unfortunate parts of his body and was stuck there and judging from the bandages he could see covering practically everywhere except for his right leg, which was covered in a heavy cast instead, he must have taken quite a lot of damage.
An alien with green skin and three eyes had rushed into the room at his shouts, assuring him that he was safe and that he was in a medical facility and that everything was fine (“Yes, the Red Paladin is fine, he was the one who brought you in but you, you are not so fine”) and upped his painkiller dosage in what-looked-like a traditional IV drip when he was asked if anything hurt and he answered with “yes, every fucking thing hurts.” The alien medic then stepped away, told him to calm down and take it easy, failing which they would need to put him under forcefully.
When the alien leaves, Keith takes several calming breaths and inspects his surroundings. He was dressed in nothing but plain white pyjama pants, chest and torso bare but it didn’t matter since it was covered entirely in bandages; lying on white sheets on a white bed and plain white walls with a single window with the curtains (also white) pulled over so he couldn’t see what was beyond or what time it currently was; the room was very minimalistic with nothing for furniture except for an old trunk sat in one corner of the room and a single stool which looked nothing short of a tree stump sitting at the end of his bed, next to his casted foot. The facilities weren’t the most advanced Keith has seen but from the smell of antiseptics (apparently a universal smell), there was no doubt that this was indeed, some sort of hospital.
Hospital.
Snippets of memories from Ranveig’s exploding base came floating up through the mess of his memories but they were choppy and disjointed, leaving him confused.
What happened?
Ignoring the medic’s advice to rest, he wracked his brains for any memory which could help explain how he ended up here but it was difficult, his mind still befuddled having just woken up from a who-knows-how-long injury-induced sleep. He recalled tearing through the hallways, the locked doors, he had been heading for Black. He remembered the flashing red, the countdown to his doom, and then the trap which sealed his fate. He remembered thinking it was the end, that he was a goner. That he wished he could have seen the most beautiful shade of blue for one last time.
Lance.
And suddenly it all comes rushing back.
The failed confession on Altea, the weeks of avoiding, Allura and Shiro’s concern, the excruciating loneliness, beloved blue eyes averting to the side, the despair, the tall trusted back turning away, the wish to take a break from the Blades, the irreversible sense of loss, the pain of heartbreak.
Lance.
Snapping right back up in bed with shivers running down his spine which had nothing to do with his physical state, he clutches tightly at the sheets underneath to stop the onset of trembling he could already feel beginning in his fingers, ignoring the resulting pain emanating from abused limbs due to the force he was exerting. He didn’t care. It was a welcome distraction from the engorging gap in his chest he was trying so desperately to close. He had to close. Or else, everything… everything was going to fall apart.
Suddenly wide awake and on full alert, he takes deep breaths to steady himself. In, out, in again, out again. It barely helped but at least he wasn’t shivering so much.
Then he hears it.
Footsteps. Familiar footsteps.
The pace of the steps between one and the next, the weight of it as it makes contact with the ground. Keith would recognize it anywhere.
Lance. Lance was coming. Here. To Keith.
He panics. For some unfathomable reason, he doesn’t want to see Lance. It’s possibly the first time he’s felt like this since back in the day when they were still ‘rivals’ and intentionally getting on each other’s nerves. But the footsteps were quick, almost a run, and they were getting louder and then—
“Hey.”
Keith pales as Lance pokes his head through the door, as if to check that Keith really was awake. He looked a little out of breath, eyes wide and cheeks flushed, and doesn’t wait for Keith’s invitation before he’s coming inside and sitting himself on the single tree stump at the foot of Keith’s bed, dropping an overnight bag at his feet as he did so.
Keith finds he can’t move, staring wide-eyed at his partner and second-in-command. Probably looking like death and covered in bandages, he must be quite the sight for sore eyes. But at least, Keith thinks, Lance looked unhurt. He was out of his Blade armor, dressed in his usual clothes, plain jeans and his favourite three-quartered sleeved jacket, looking as handsome as ever in Keith’s eyes.
“You're awake,” Lance’s voice is relieved.
Yeah, Keith thinks but doesn’t say. Now that he looks closely, he notices the dark shadows under Lance’s eyes, eyes which were red-rimmed and troubled. He looked exhausted. And suddenly, irrationally, Keith felt angry. Hasn’t Lance been sleeping?
“Why are you here?” The words were out of his mouth before he could think them through.
“Huh?”
“You look dead on your feet. What have you been doing?”
Lance looked confused at the hostility Keith was showing right off the bat. Still, he responded, an uncertain smile on his face. “Uh, I was a little busy informing everyone about… what happened. Then I had to sort out the procedure with the med officers here, paperwork, y’know. And I’ve just sent Acxa and the others back to headquarters to take care of the other members – they’re fine, by the way, just so you know. You’re the only one that got… hurt.”
“Hmm.” Was all Keith said, the unreasonable anger still simmering in him and he was fighting hard to keep it under control.
“Ummm,” Lance continues, looking unsure of how to respond to Keith’s strange mood. “As for the mission, I’d say it was a success, mostly. I got Pidge’s little device from you and the data was still intact so I’ve already sent it off to Krolia. And since the base got destroyed, there’s no more trace of information left for anyone to find so that’s done with. But anyway, all that aside, we were worried about you. You got caught in the explosion when the base self-destructed, I’m not sure if you remember it? Actually, it’s probably better if you don’t. I’m just… I’m glad you’re awake. You were out for two whole days. I’ve been so worried.”
Two whole days, huh? And the mission was a success? So everything was fine. What did Lance have to worry about? He didn’t have anything to worry about. Certainly nothing to worry about when it came to Keith. In fact, everything seemed to be lined up perfectly for him now.
“Sounds like everything went well. There’s nothing left to worry about.”
Lance frowned. “Keith, you’re injured! Look at yourself! If Black and I hadn’t gotten there in time—”
“Okay, whatever,” Keith cuts him off sharply, not at all friendly, and Lance gapes at him with wide eyes. His tone is icy cold when he continues. “I’m awake. I’m fine. Your duties here are done.”
“Duties? What..?”
“There’s nothing holding you back.”
“…holding… what?”
Keith is beyond agitated now, the mounting anger threatening to overwhelm him. Why was Lance playing dumb? “Why are you still here?”
“Keith, I don’t understand—”
“You said you wanted to take a break, right? The mission is over. You can go.”
Lance’s confused expression turns shocked. “What the hell are you talking about?! Do you expect me to leave when you're like this?”
“I'll live. There's no reason for you to stay. You can go.” Keith repeats.
Lance's nostrils flare noticeably but then dissipates; the other man was clearly trying to reel his temper in. “Okay, I'm sorry, if I—”
“No, stop that.” Keith interrupts. “You don’t have to apologize for anything. I got hurt by myself.” Keith doesn’t know what he’s referring to anymore but either way, none of it was Lance’s fault. He had nothing to apologize for.
“No, Keith, I—”
“Enough! There’s nothing more to talk about.”
“What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“Nothing! Nothing’s wrong! I just want you to go!” Quickly. Immediately. Before he said or did anything else. Keith felt something creeping over him and along with the illogical anger, there was a sudden nonsensical urgency to see Lance leave. This is what Lance wanted, right? He pushes harder. “Leave.”
Lance sits unmoving, staring at Keith stubbornly. There was a fire in his own eyes and Keith can tell Lance is furious but he’s holding it in.
“If this is about what happened between us—”
“Shut up! Nothing happened! It didn’t happen, remember? We agreed on that! So, just leave!” Keith feels the fire in him swell uncontrollably. He was incensed. They don’t talk about that anymore. They weren’t supposed to talk about that anymore!
"No, I'm not going anywhere until you listen."
Sparks of rage fly as Keith’s eyes narrow, face twisting with fury. He snarls. "Leave! This is an order!"
“No,” Lance says simply, unperturbed.
“Wha—?! You leave right now! Get out!”
But Lance doesn’t move; his expression hard and determined. He wasn’t going anywhere and unfortunately, Keith was in no position to storm off himself.
“Go!” Keith gnashes out, jaw clenched and eyes narrowing to dangerous levels, breathing harsh and voice quaking with barely controlled vehemence. He doesn’t know when it happened but he’s bent over the side of his bed now, one hand tightly pulled into a fist and the other gripping the bed frame so hard, it was creaking under the pressure.
“No.”
“You—” Keith doesn’t know what he’s trying to do exactly but he’s trying to push up and get off the bed; ignoring the protesting pain from all over his body and forcing himself not to wince and flailing a little because his lower body is bound way more restrictively and he can hardly move but he’s damn well gonna keep trying to move and no bloody thing was going to stop him.
Except for maybe Lance. Seeing Keith struggle to get up, the other man gets to his feet instantly and reaches out, whether to stop him or help him, Keith doesn’t know, but he starts hyperventilating all the same.
“No!” Keith recoils, expression turning frantic suddenly and eyes blowing wide, body tensing as if he was bracing himself for impact and squirms the other way, trying to put distance between them. But Lance doesn’t heed his words and comes closer, coming right up to stand beside Keith’s outstretched arm.
Keith loses it.
“Stop! Don’t come any closer!”
Lance doesn’t stop. Mere inches from Keith now and well within reach, he lifts a hand.
"Please!" Keith pleads, face screwing into a grimace when he realizes he can’t get off the bed by himself and he’s well and truly trapped. “Go away!”
Something was happening in him, something was giving way. Like a dam collapsing under pressure, torrents of water previously confined within carefully constructed walls surging and gushing out all in one go; treacherous and unstoppable and full of hurt.
At long last, the final remnants of Keith’s heart were imploding on itself, a pathetic sob escaping his throat and he’s horrified to feel trails of heat running uncontrollably down his face in rivulets, unable to hold it back any longer.
Everything he’s been keeping bottled inside was flooding over against his will, the burden of his emotions, the bitter rejection, the fake nonchalance and the immeasurable amount of love he still had and would always have for Lance in spite of it all.
"Just go! Leave me alone!"
------------------------------
Keith was breaking.
The usually tightly guarded walls were crumbling down in his weakened state, his face contorting with pain, nose screwing up and those violet eyes glimmering with tears turns away violently.
This.
This is what he had done to Keith.
The full extent of it, raw and bare. So painstakingly hidden away but unravelling before his very eyes now, fully revealed for Lance to see.
Lance was painfully mesmerized by the sight.
And then, like a rubber band stretching too thin, he snaps.
A little more angrily than he should be (at himself, not at Keith), he ends up grabbing Keith's face with both hands – it’s the only part of Keith’s body that isn’t entirely covered in bandages and Lance realizes with a jolt that Keith’s face was so small in his hands and shocked violets were snapping up to meet his gaze, watery and scared and Lance really hates that he’s the one to have put that expression there.
“Keith.”
Keith trashes in his hands but Lance keeps a firm hold.
“Keith.”
Keith snaps up, suddenly immobile and pliant, frozen still by the warning look Lance was giving him and the sharp tone in his voice despite the tears still persistently running down his face. There was no life in Keith’s eyes, the colour dull and yet still so beautiful in its shimmery state. He looked tired. Resigned. As if he had nothing left to lose anymore.
Lance grinds his teeth together and hates himself more. He’s done many stupid things in his life before but this is possibly one of the stupidest. And because of what? Because he didn’t know what he wanted?
He concentrates on the eyes staring at him so helplessly and leans in closer. He’s not sure what he’s trying to do but he just knows he has to do it. Needs to do it. He moves ever so slowly, stops thinking entirely and lets his instincts guide him for once instead of his (clearly stupid) brain, giving into his heart and what felt right.
The distance between them was closing and Keith’s eyes were widening in disbelief and Lance might have an inkling where his heart was taking him and surprisingly, he doesn’t mind where it’s going. He remains soft; gentle and cautious, letting his actions speak his intentions to Keith. Just for good measure though, he hears himself say out loud, in a low whisper: “If you really want to, push me away.”
He pauses for a moment, with their faces just a few inches apart, his hands still cradling Keith’s face. He’s giving Keith a chance. Push him away now and Lance will leave. And they will never speak of this again.
He waits.
Nothing happens.
He moves.
He’s so close now. He could feel Keith’s warm breath against his lips with every intake of air. Keith stays stunned in place, his eyes completely round now and something else was filling them, the smallest flicker of light – was it wonder? Surprise? Hope? Lance doesn’t know because his own eyes are beginning to slide shut. He’s so close and he can see the wet tear tracks, can smell antiseptics emanating from the other man and another distinct yet familiar smell that could only be Keith; Keith’s lips were just a hair’s breadth away and at this distance, he can clearly make out the perfect bow shape, light pink even when the rest of his skin was pallid and shit, was it actually quivering? And then his eyes close completely and there’s this funny swooping sensation in his stomach when he realizes he really, really needs this… this…
His lips brush over Keith’s.
It was barely a touch, soft and clumsy, the contact lasting only very briefly but both men stop dead right after, as if only now realising what just happened, large, shocked eyes staring into each other’s.
Keith reacts first, pushing a hand against Lance’s chest and finding his tongue.
“Wha… what?!”
“Ummmm,” Lance struggles to find an explanation for his actions, mind suddenly overloading and going from dormant to running a million miles a minute, but maintains a tight grip on Keith, hands sliding down to hold onto his shoulders now as Keith continues to push at his chest but Lance isn’t planning to go anywhere. His heart was pounding, a strange warm sensation tingling throughout his body from that one small touch and he hasn’t processed what all that could possibly mean yet but at the moment, he owes Keith an explanation. But what to say? How do you explain something you still don't really understand yourself? So he blabs the first thing his mind settles on: "Ummmm, my mama used to tell me to kiss it better if something’s hurting so uh, that's what I did?"
This seems to be the exact wrong thing to say because Keith's face scrunches up and he redoubles his efforts to twist away but Lance clamps his hands down a little harder (but not too much because Keith is injured goddamit), unwilling to let go.
“No, no, hey, wait, wait! I'm sorry, that came out really badly.”
"Lance." Keith sighs, sounding defeated. He seems to have given up trying to hide or fight it anymore, glassy eyes staring openly into Lance’s. At least the tears seemed to have stopped. "It…it’s okay. You don't have to do this. You’re not obligated to—" he screws his cute little nose. "—to protect my feelings."
“I guess,” Lance agrees and Keith starts to deflate. “But I want to.”
Keith sighs again, opening his mouth to protest but Lance shushes.
“Just… hear me out, okay? Look, I'm sorry I acted the way I did the past few weeks - I guess, I just didn’t know how to take it. I've never really thought about… us. In that way. So I kinda just ran away like a coward. I never should have done that, no matter what. We’re partners and we’re supposed to always have each other’s backs. We had a bond and I failed you. I am so sorry. I promise you it won’t ever happen again regardless of this… thing between us.”
Keith looks sadly at him, understanding and acceptance already creeping in but Lance hurries to speak.
“Wait, I'm not done! Listen, I'm really flattered that you care so much about me and to be honest? After all this time, I'm not sure I really know what love is. I loved Allura before - or I think I did anyway, I dunno, it's complicated sometimes,” he shrugs. “I care about her a lot. The way I care about Hunk and Pidge and everyone and I do know that I care about you too. When Ranveig’s base self-destructed with you still in it, I thought my heart stopped. The thought of losing you was something I couldn't bear.”
Seeing that he had Keith’s full attention, Lance takes a chance, pulling away from his shoulder and taking one of Keith’s heavily bandaged hands in his. To his surprise, the Black Paladin and Leader of the Blades let him. He’s not fighting Lance anymore. He’s just… watching, a strange radiance in his eyes as he hangs closely to Lance’s every word. There was moisture caught between those long eyelashes and Lance has this unexpected urge to place his lips on them, to kiss them away. Tears didn’t suit Keith.
“I may not know what love is and whether what I feel for you is the same but I do know that I don’t like the thought of you out of my life and I definitely don’t like seeing you hurt or upset. I know that now.” Lance uses a thumb to gently brush away a stray tear from Keith’s cheek. “I also absolutely hate that I'm the one who put this look on you. You don’t deserve this. Any of it. You’re… you’re really special to me. No one else makes me feel the way you do but I’m just not sure what it really...” Lance trails off, shaking his head, then continues determinedly. “We share a bond that I can’t explain in words and I don’t know how to tell you what that even means but… but I guess, what I’m trying to get to after all this is… I want to try. Us, I mean.”
Lance feels his ears burn at the words he’s just uttered. Why was he feeling embarrassed all of a sudden? Strange. He’s never been embarrassed to speak to Keith before.
A pause stretches between them, the look on Keith’s face unreadable but Lance waits patiently. After all that he’s put Keith through, he can jolly well stay put and wait.
Finally, Keith lifts his other hand (also heavily bandaged) and places it tentatively on their joint ones, on top of Lance’s. “Are you sure?” He asks, voice hushed and wavering, violet eyes boring deep into his.
Lance feels a sudden hope surge from within, a hope he hadn’t realized he’d been hanging on to. “Yeah.”
“You’re not just saying that because you’re trying to make me feel… better?”
“I won’t deny that I do want you to feel better. But it’s more than that, this is also for me. I… I wanna give myself a chance. Give us a chance.”
When Keith still looked unsure, Lance leaned in to whisper in his ear.
“I’ll let you in on one more little secret. Trust me?”
“Always.”
Lance smiles to himself before backing up and pulling his hand away from Keith’s hold, bringing his fingers to Keith’s chin instead and lifting it up. He watches Keith’s eyes widen in alarm and almost laughs. It’s not everyday he sees that kind of look on his leader, but then he starts when he realizes that he was one of the few people who probably had the power to invoke that kind of look. It was an enthralling thought, which he filed away for later.
“Doing this,” he taps a finger on Keith’s chin and leans closer, the way he had just moments before, voice coming out low and husky without him really meaning to. “Makes my heart race.” Oh yeah, it’s certainly beating faster now, Lance affirms as his body flushes along with his increased heart rate as the distance between them closes once more. “And that’s not something that happens a lot, you know? You have really nice… eyes.” So bright and shiny in the aftermath of those beautiful tears, leaving Lance with mixed feelings of guilt and wonder. He couldn’t help himself. He had to lean in closer to get a better look. So he does.
“Lance…” Keith’s expression is soft and wide open. Perhaps it was out of instinct but his eyelids begin to slide shut as Lance leans closer, and Lance feels his chest constrict at the amount of trust Keith was showing him. He was baring everything to Lance, allowing Lance past the innermost of his walls and the view from here, was astounding. Lance feels his breath catch, his eyes zooming in on those luscious-looking lips even if a little dry from lack of hydration, slightly parted and so pink and his own lips tingle with the memory of what it felt like from before and then he feels the warm breath on his face again, the smell of antiseptics and that same distinct scent…
Keith didn’t only have nice eyes, he also had a really nice mouth… and he smelled good, antiseptics aside, and why, oh, why had Lance not realized this before?
He’s barely an inch away now and something in Lance’s mind was short-circuiting, telling him this wasn’t what he had planned to do, he hadn’t meant to come this far, they weren’t ready for this yet but those lips were just so inviting and those pretty long lashes, and porcelain skin marred by injuries suffered to protect him because this man had cared so much, had loved him so much.
“I.. I just—” Lance starts to say, trying to pull his neck back but something is wrong with his muscles because it’s not listening, voice coming out in half a pant, half a whisper, trying to justify his actions but the thoughts in his mind were scattering and all he could think of was the rising heat and this feverish yearning overpowering him. Lance was still moving (forward, not backward) but he can’t do this. He shouldn’t. And it’s taking every ounce of will power he has to stop himself from giving in to his urges completely.
But then Keith pitches forward and closes the remaining distance, their lips meeting for the second time and all thoughts cease.
------------------------------
They’re kissing.
It’s their second kiss, if the first one could even be called a kiss at all.
This one is firmer, Lance’s lips melding itself against his, slotting together at just the right angle, sending sparks prickling all over where there was contact. Keith instinctively pulls him closer, needing to feel grounded and reaffirm that Lance was really here and that this wasn’t all just a dream. Lance’s lips begin to move and Keith jolts, a low rumble coming up from his chest and rising into his throat, an embarrassing sound escaping him as it went and he feels the temperature between them rise along with Lance’s enthusiasm as he deepens their connection, delving deeper and sending Keith’s eyes rolling into the back of his head with the intensity of it.
He leaves himself open, lets Lance take whatever he wants from him because who was Keith kidding? He’s never been able to say no to Lance. But that doesn’t mean he would just give in so easily. He won’t go down without a fight. So he returns the fiery fervour in kind as Lance pillages his mouth and the heat escalates, filling out and wrapping over him like a protection charm, making him feel safe, all of existence dissolving as his chest fills to the brim with warmth he had longed for and thought he was never going to have.
This was Lance. Strong, funny, tall, gorgeous, kind, hardworking, generous, enchanting Lance. This was all he could have ever hoped for and more.
And Keith would take anything Lance was willing to give.
------------------------------
They don’t stop kissing.
Keith’s lips were much softer than they looked and he presses in harder, needing to feel them closer, to trace the shape of that mouth and memorise it. Keith wasn’t stopping him either. He was leaning in, a keening sound at the back of his throat as Lance dove in and Lance feels his heart do somersaults at the sound, excited, a heat travelling from the depths of his chest up to his ears and down towards the rest of his body. When he feels Keith’s lips part in a small gasp, he plunges in deeper.
It was more than he could have ever expected, warm and wet and strong and hard and hot and good, everything he associated with Keith. It’s not enough and he needs more and suddenly he finds himself shoving insistently and Keith lets out an “mmph!” but it’s not a bad sound, not by far, Keith having landed flat on the hospital bed, Lance bending down to follow immediately, never breaking their connection and Keith is opening wider, welcoming him in and then suddenly, he’s pushing back, because of course Keith would push back, facing him head on and meeting his passionate kiss halfway, the way Lance has now met Keith’s feelings halfway, and it was all so good and Lance wonders what it was that he’s been waiting for all this time and something is stirring from deep within, sending tremors all over and travelling directly into his loins.
That snaps him out of it.
Whipping back suddenly, he realizes he’s completely out of breath and he’s all hot and bothered and what the quiznak, he totally just made out with Keith after he said he needed to figure out what he felt and wanted to try being together and holy shit he’s such a screw-up and now he just looks like a big dick that only thinks with his dick and mother-living-hell, he needed to stop thinking about dick and what the bloody heck did Keith even see in an idiot like him like fuckkk—
“Lance?” Keith is looking at him, gaze questioning and unsure as he sits back up from where Lance had pushed him down onto the bed earlier. He’s out of breath too and Lance can see the flush in his cheeks and the plump redness of his lips from their impromptu make-out session. It’s making him feel ridiculously proud of himself.
“Uhh, I’m sorry. That—that wasn’t supposed to go that far.”
“Oh.” Keith’s brows furrow and he looks down. “Then, I shouldn’t have—”
“No, no, no!” Lance interjects. Why the hell is he so stupid? Why is he still making Keith look like that? “I don’t regret anything, if that’s what you’re thinking! I liked it, okay? More than I thought I would. It’s just that— I was just saying how I wanted to try ‘us’ out and here I am taking advantage of you not even two minutes in and I am such a jerkface. But, God, y’know what? I don’t regret it at all. I really wanna do it again.”
That’s it. Lance figured he might as well just come clean and say what he thought. Keeping his silence hadn’t worked out for them before so maybe it was time to just be completely honest with each other; shame and embarrassment be damned.
“Oh,” Keith turns pink as the words sink in and Lance thinks, yeah, honesty is the way to go from now on.
“So… is that a yes?”
“Huh? Yes for…?”
Lance almost rolls his eyes because yeah, classic Keith and Lance, they could have their tongues down each other’s throats and possess a transcendent bond yet still suck at basic communication. “Will you still go out with me? Even after everything I’ve done and how stupid I’ve been, will you still have me? I really wanna try this.”
And Lance doesn’t say it yet because he wants to be absolutely sure before he says it but he has a good feeling. With the way his heart is beating erratically as he waits for Keith’s response, with the way his lips tingle endlessly from their kiss, hot and cold and everything he never thought a kiss could be, and the urge to take those lips again for himself (he’s trying to hold back because that’s not appropriate and he doesn’t just want Keith for the amazing kisses, he wants much more, oh yes he does) and with the way his heart has been on a roller-coaster ride since that confession on Altea and how his world was turned inside-out when he thought he lost Keith and how he’s been so stupid and it’s only when Keith is around him that he starts seeing the light in the dark tunnel he’s dug for himself... yeah, he’s got a good feeling, alright.
Because this is Keith. Keith, who was always special to him. And maybe now he’s starting to figure out why.
Before this, he had wondered where the line between friendship and more was supposed to be drawn. Maybe the answer was simply that: there was no line.
Keith was a rival, a leader, a friend and much more. So much more. They’re not things that came separately but a full package. And isn’t it much better that way?
Arms were wrapping around him now and he was being pulled into a hug. “You idiot.” Keith’s voice is muffled, strained. “Of course it’s a yes.”
As Keith tightens his arms around Lance’s waist and Lance responds in kind, feeling something inside him settle peacefully for the first time in weeks, Lance thinks he’s finally on the right path.
“So… you’re not going on that break anymore?” Keith asks in a tentative voice from where he had his face buried in Lance’s neck.
“No,” Lance replies confidently. “I don’t need it anymore. I think I’ve found what I was looking for right here.”
------------------------------
Lance is staying.
Lance is staying.
Never leave me, Keith thinks, hopes, wishes with all his heart as he clings to Lance’s sturdy back through his jacket in their embrace, breathing in the heady scent that was all Lance from where he had stuck his nose, something he wouldn’t have thought was possible just an hour ago.
It’s unexpected and abrupt but Keith wasn’t going to complain.
A small bud of hope had sprouted in Keith’s chest with the understanding that Lance wanted to give them a chance, mending the wounds that had been inflicted over the past few weeks, healing swiftly with Lance’s every touch, with Lance’s every vow to try, and a renewed promise that he would never turn his back on Keith again, and that maybe, just maybe things could work out between them. It rekindled the hope Keith thought was lost. It wasn’t over for them just yet.
There was still a ways to go and he knows Lance isn’t completely sure of his feelings, but this was a start. Lance was willing to try and Keith has already waited for years for this and he would wait for infinity and more. For Lance.
Lance starts to fidget in his arms and Keith leans back, pulling away from the hug. When he raises a questioning eyebrow, the taller man flushes and Keith watches with amusement at the way his Altean marks begin to glow vividly again – Lance hasn’t noticed yet but it’s been glowing brilliantly in various levels of brightness ever since their second kiss.
Keith’s mouth twitches. He found it awfully cute.
“I, uh—” the Red Paladin says, eyes darting around maniacally. But Keith is quick to catch on the pattern of his movements – those blue eyes keep returning to Keith’s face, more particularly, his lips. Looks like Lance has found a new addiction. He was trying really hard to explain himself. “I don’t know how to say this but I, uh, y’know? Your—”
Keith hooks an arm around Lance’s neck and pulls him lower, giving him what he wants without hearing the rest of his words. Lance isn’t the only one who wants this; Keith has wanted it for longer, so who was he to deny what they both wanted?
Lance eagerly lets himself be dragged down, hands cradling Keith so carefully, doing his best not to aggravate Keith’s wounds but Keith was purposely making it difficult; unlike the first and second, Keith was dominating their third kiss, teasing and drawing out surprised but delighted gasps from the other man until he’s quaking from head to toe, hands twitching as if it was taking everything he had to not just push Keith down and thoroughly ravish him.
When Lance’s trembling hands finally find purchase; framing Keith’s cheeks and reluctantly pulling away, chuckling softly when Keith growls in protest and whispers, “Hey, slow down. We have time now. I don’t wanna hurt you, never wanna hurt you. Never again”, before he’s diving in for a fourth, slower and gentler than before; and Keith is struck with a tender feeling and inexplicably high hopes for the future. A premonition.
This time, things really would be okay.
Keith didn’t just believe it.
He knew it.