Chapter Text
“Hold this.”
Jonas didn’t have any time to react before Isak shoved his beer in his hand and pushed his way out through the crowd. He only stared at the door for a second, dumbfounded by the sheer harshness of the action.
“What was that was about?” He raised his eyes at Mahdi.
“Couldn’t tell ya. He’s been so uptight lately.” True, Isak has been weird lately but running out of a party like that? That wasn’t him. Jonas felt a wave of worry pass through him, and he frowned. “I’m sure he’s fine, dude. He’s Isak, he knows how to handle himself.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive. C’mon, I still got some of my stash left.” He let Mahdi drag him over to the corner to get started, but he kept a firm eye on the door. He could be meeting up with someone, Emma probably, but that didn't make much sense. He looked upset more than anything.
He set Isak’s beer down on the table and took a long sip of his own. It was refreshing in the stuffy room. Promptly, he understood why he could’ve left. It was more than likely that he wanted fresh air, a break from whatever he was doing. With that, Jonas felt himself relax and joined back into the party to watch Magnus strike out with Vilde again. A highly entertaining activity if you asked him. However, soon five minutes became ten and ten minutes became fifteen, and still, no one came through the door.
“Have you seen Isak?” He yelled over the music.
“Last I saw he was talking with Emma and that one guy…” Magnus said. “Uh, Even I think he said his name was.”
“Who’s Even?” Magnus shrugged his shoulders, and Jonas looked around once more.
“I think I’m going to go outside and find him.”
It was just after ten, and the air was cool, but luckily, not yet cold enough to need a jacket. He walked around the house once, ducking behind trees and fences, but saw nothing. A walk down the alleyway proved the same, but just as he was about to turn around and go back, he heard something fall followed by a string of curse words. Sure enough, he spotted Isak alone on a bench a short walk down the street. He was hunched over with his head in his hands and his hat lying haphazardly on the ground next to him.
As he got closer, he heard a wet sniff and unsettled, shaky breaths.
“Isak?” He called out, watching as the young man jolted upward before looking back toward the ground again.
“Hey.”
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” he scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “You never came back, so I came to check on you.”
“Oh—uh—thanks, but I‘m fine,” his voice was weak and raspy.
“Are you sure?”
“‘m fine.”
“Isak—.”
“Jonas, please, I-I-I’m okay.” He was about to disagree with him when Isak furiously swiped at his eyes. “Fuck, what’s wrong with me?” He sniffed softly.
“There’s nothing wrong with showing emotion, Isak,” again, he got no response. Isak never even looked up from the ground.
“Go back to the party, Jonas.” Jonas only walked closer. He couldn’t go back, not when his best friend was outside crying alone in the dark. “Jonas, please just leave me alone.” He sat down on the bench next to him and got an overwhelming smell of alcohol. There was no way he could have drank that much at the party. Isak was about to get up, but he held his hand down on his chest, ignoring his best friends half-hearted struggle to leave.
Finally, Isak looked up. In the street light, he could barely make out his red and puffy eyes and the small trail of tears that ran down his face. “P-please.” Suddenly, he inhaled and sobbed. Jonas cringed as he watched his best friend break down. It hurt to know that Isak didn’t want to confide in him but watching him shake with cries was downright painful.
“Oh, Isak,” he put a hand on his shoulder, but Jonas didn’t think he noticed. Despite being friends with him for so long, he’d only ever seen Isak cry once, way back on a night where his mom was having a particularly bad episode. Then, he was only tearing up, but now, now Isak’s whole body trembled with sobs, and he had absolutely no idea how to deal with it. “Let it out, buddy.”
He bent over to pick up the hat when he noticed a shattered bottle on the ground. It was Vodka, judging on the way it smelled, and Jonas knew it was going to be a long night. Nobody drank vodka from the bottle for fun, so Isak had to be drinking to forget.
“Tell me what’s going on, Isak,” his own voice was surprisingly cal, despite anxiety so strong he was stuck in his seat.
“I’m sorry,” Isak sniffed wetly. “I just... I saw them standing there together, and they looked so happy. He must of noticed I was standing there because he came after me—.” An odd expression crossed his face, setting off Jonas’ alarm bells. He could tell Isak was thinking. “Emma saw. Oh my god. She’s going to tell everyone,” he at Jonas to no avail. “It’s official. My life is over. I can’t recover from this, Jonas.”
“Woah, woah, Isak, slow down. What happened? What is she going to tell everyone?”
“This is so embarrassing. I might as well leave the country at this point.”
“Bro, why damage control mode?”
“Honestly--” Suddenly, Isak stopped, lurched forward into the bushes and threw up, and Jonas didn’t find himself stuck to his seat anymore. He rushed over to Isak’s side and rubbed soothing circles on his back like he did every time he drank too much.
“Are you okay now?” Jonas asked hesitantly.
“Yeah, I think I'm done for now,” he confirmed.
“Fuck that, Isak, there’s other parties." He led him back to the bench and sat down next to him. He was quiet for a moment, waiting for his friend to wipe his mouth off on his sleeve, but it still didn’t seem like Isak wanted to tell him. He gestured to the house. “Do you want to go back?” He shook his head softly.
“I’m a fraud, Jonas. I’ve been lying to you for years, to everyone really.”
“How so?” Isak ran both hands through his hair and tugged on the ends, and the bad feeling in his stomach got worse. He only ever did that particular tick when he was really stressed. Whatever he was about to tell him, it had to be big.
“Do you remember the time at Eva’s party when you guys left me in the bathroom with Emma?” He rasped out. If he was being honest, he was half drunk and high at that party, and he really only remembered Magnus complaining about the rest of them getting all the girls. Nonetheless, he nodded anyway.
“Well, she wanted to give me head... but she didn’t, we didn’t, I couldn’t..”
He paused again, fiddling with his fingers. “I couldn’t get into it, and I think it was because I don’t actually like her. I can’t like her.” Jonas frowned. What was that supposed to mean? If he couldn’t get himself to like her, then he didn’t need to go out with her. It was as simple as that.
“I don’t understand. You don’t have to be with her. If you don’t want to.”
“No, no, you don’t get it. It’s not her personality, well, it kind of is her personality. She’s kinda bit--.”
“Isak, you’re rambling again.”
“It’s not so much her personality as it is her.”
“Oh,” wait, does that mean--
“I-I think I’m gay, Jonas.” Huh. Out of all the things in the world, this would have been the last thing he would have guessed, but now that he told him, everything that confused him about Isak made sense. Observations from over the years promptly flooded his mind. His relationships never really lasted long. He almost never showed interest when it came to the hot girls, and when he did, in retrospect, it was clearly half-hearted. And just this recently, he’s been saying hurtful, almost homophobic things about stuff that never once bothered him before. Jonas was so lost in analyzing his actions that he forgot to respond. “Please, say something.”
“I…” He started, but he didn’t know what to say. However, he could see Isak fold in on himself once more, and he knew he had to say something. “Cool.”
“Cool?!” Jonas couldn’t tell if he was relieved or frustrated with the answer.
“You looked like you were about to throw up again, so I had to say something.”
“Still, I drop a bombshell, and you respond with ‘cool.’ What the fuck, Jonas.” Isak responded incredulously, and Jonas cracked a smile. That was the most Isak he’s seen Isak in days.
“What did you want me to say?”
“Honestly, I’m not even sure at this point. I don’t exactly do this on a regular basis.”
“Am I the only one who knows?”
Isak bristled. “You’re not that special.”
“First of all ouch,” he smiled when his friend laughed. “In all seriousness, though, am I?”
“I told Eskild, and I think Noora has her suspicions, but besides from them--oh, and uh Even--you’re the only one who knows.” Even? The guy that Magnus mentioned? He was about to ask him when he thought back to what Isak said earlier.
“And that guy, Even, are you guys involved?” He guessed.
“We kinda had a thing.”
“A thing?”
“Please don’t make me spell it out more. It’s already embarrassing.”
“Too late, now you have to tell me.”
“We hooked up.” He blurted. “Several times.” Jonas raises his eyebrows at that, but from the looks of it, Isak was equally surprised at the confession.
“But?”
“He has a girlfriend, Sonja, and they’ve been dating for four years. And he told me that he broke up with her, and then he said we were moving too fast, so he distanced himself, and then we got to tonight,” he blew air out of his mouth. “When I saw him with her.”
“That’s kind of a dick move.” The blond hummed in agreement, and he got the impression that there was more to the Even story. “You don’t have to talk about it tonight, Isak. You know, if it’s too much or uncomfortable or someth--”
“No, no, I’ll never bring it up again. Plus, I already cried on you and vomited twice, I don’t think I have the right to feel uncomfortable anymore.” He interrupted.
It took another minute for him to open up, but it was still early. He could take as long as he needed. Isak picked at his fingers again. “I think I totally fell for him.”
“In love?”
“Something of that sort, I guess. I used to think all that cheesy love stuff was only in the movies and that I’d only find someone who marginally connected with me, but then I met him. And being with him was different. I didn’t have to lie to him about who I was.”
With that said, Jonas felt guilty. “I’m so sorry you felt like you had to lie, Isak. I truly am.”
“It’s not anything you did, Jonas. I lied to everyone, including myself. I put that part of me in a box and locked it, and for a while, I forgot it existed. I thought maybe I just don’t care about that stuff, but then Even showed up in my life with a key and opened that part again.” He paused for a second as if trying to word what he was about to say.
“And at this point, Emma was here. Like I said earlier, she tried to go down on me, but I just wasn’t into it. I think I hurt her feelings by denying her, but it just wasn’t going where she thought that was going. When Even was with me, it was just the complete opposite. It was just like all the feelings I’ve never felt were saved just for him, and it was kinda great.”
“So, what exactly happened tonight?” Jonas asked softly. Isak already explained that earlier, but he wasn’t exactly making sense then.
“Emma pulled me out to dance, and we did. I was actually having like an okay time when I spotted Even.”
“He was with Sonja?”
“Correct.” He took another deep, shaky breath, and for a moment, Jonas thought he might start crying again. “They looked very happy, all loved up in the corner, so I turned back to Emma because...I don’t know. However, I could feel him looking at me, watching me and Emma, and when I turned around we just kind of stared at each other.”
“Is this a sexual stare, or…?”
Isak snorted. “No, it wasn’t like that tonight.”
“Tonight?!”
“I’m not drunk enough to have that conversation yet.” Jonas mentally made a note of that for later. That was definitely something he wanted to hear about that. “Honestly, I’m not even sure what it was for in the first place. I went back to dancing, but I could still feel him looking at me. It was kind of getting to be too much, so I left to get a beer in the kitchen. Which reminds me, did you bring it out?”
“No, it’s sitting on a table somewhere.”
“Wow, so specific.” Jonas rolled his eyes in response.
“Oh shut up, Isak. Who the fuck leaves an unopened beer? Finish your story.”
“Fine. Well, I bent down to grab the beer, and when I came up Even was right there, and he kissed me. That was when he kind of led us into the bathroom to very hardcore make out. Fuck, Jonas, you have no idea how much I missed making out with Even.” Isak looked surprised when that last part came out, and Jonas was certain that he would have left that detail out if he’d done this sober. “Remember earlier when I said I couldn’t go through with doing that with Emma?”
“Yes. You’ve mentioned it a few times.” Isak glared at him.
“Well, that hardcore making out with Even kind of turned out to be me pressed up against the wall with him, well, you know on his knees.”
“Isak Valtersen, you shady, shady man.” He laughed as his best friends face became red like a tomato.
“But, neither of us must’ve locked the door because Emma walked in.” All laughter died on Jonas’ face when he heard that. “And it’s not like we could deny it or anything, not with his head on the most compromising part of my body. She just slammed the door on us, and just like that, mood broken. I got dressed really quickly, and then I fuckin’ ran. I saw you and Mahdi on the way out, so I gave you my beer in case I decided never to come back.”
“Where did you get the vodka?”
“It was sitting on the steps outside, so I grabbed it. I thought getting shitfaced would be a good idea.”
“I think you’ll be dead tomorrow.”
“Probably, at least then I’ll have an excuse not to show my face in public.”
“Do you really think she’ll tell everyone?”
“She probably already has,” he frowned. “I mean, I did kind of use her to keep my big ass gay secret.”
“That’s still no reason to out someone.”
“With my luck, it is.” Jonas squeezed his shoulder. He was about to say something else, but he heard the door to the house open.
“Isak?” Someone called. Isak’s eyes widened in shock.
“Is that Even?” He whispered quietly, taken aback by how tense his best friend became.
“Yes.” He said shortly.
“Need me to do something?”
“Let’s leave. I can’t deal with him right now.” Isak got up from the bench, a little wobbly, but he stabilized himself.
“Okay, c’mon I know a shortcut.”