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The two old, simple problems ever intertwined,
Close home, elusive, present, baffled, grappled.
By each successive age insoluble, pass'd on,
To ours to-day--and we pass on the same.
- Walt Whitman
Despite being his own living proof, the concept of longevity was foreign to Kakashi. He was totally unprepared to deal with aging. His bones creaked when he moved and his body forgot how to perform basic functions; the first to go was erectile in nature but more serious complications regarding his eyesight, hearing, and general health arose in the succeeding decades. Gai worsened at a faster rate, his body already compromised by the Eighth Gate’s damage, and slowly amassed a retinue of pain medications.
They became part of an informal medical study - or at least that’s what Gai conspired it to be. In reality their flagging health necessitated more frequent clinicals. Sakura checked on them twice a month without much sympathy; Kakashi was thankful for her neutral and sometimes sarcastic handling of the situation. Gai was less polite, so she began scheduling appointments to coincide with his medication intake. It was much easier to calm him down when he was doped up.
Neither of their mental processes were affected, though they may as well have been. A tact mind was no use in a poor body. Kakashi itched to exert his pent up energy but had no outlet that didn’t result in injury. Gai, at least, had practice with this specific conundrum since they were thirty, but to Kakashi it was all brand new. Whenever he voiced his complaints Gai simply slapped him on the back and told him to follow the advice he’d been giving Gai for years. It wasn’t helpful.
A few years into this routine it became apparent they needed further assistance, so Sakura moved them into an empty wing of the expanded Uchiha complex. Sasuke apparently deferred to his wife on this issue and allowed the two crotchety fogies into his home without protest.
“It’s lonely around here,” she told Kakashi once they were settled. Sarada had been Hokage for years by that point and he suspected they were suffering from empty nest syndrome. “I’m sure he appreciates the company.”
It wasn’t all that bad being waited on hand and foot by his previous students. They rotated shifts in between Sakura’s hospital work and Sasuke’s police duties. In the morning Sasuke would make sure they were still breathing, bring in a tray of tea, then leave them alone.
During this time of solitude Kakashi and Gai sat on the adjacent porch. Their challenges had been demoted to card games, shuriken throwing, rock-paper-scissors, and staring contests, but weren’t any less intense. It made Kakashi happy to see that Gai’s youthful spirit hadn’t dissipated over time.
Nonetheless, Gai started having more bad days than good. He was lucky to stay awake until noon, after which he’d often fall asleep on Kakashi’s shoulder. If he was unlucky the pain would be so pronounced he couldn’t get out of bed. Kakashi stayed by his side when this happened, even if Gai was pumped with so much opioids he became incomprehensible. As long as the light of recognition remained ablaze in his eyes, Kakashi didn’t give up hope.
Sakura returned in the afternoons to relieve Sasuke, who went to the police station until evening. Still dressed in her hospital garb, she’d give Gai and Kakashi a lookover each, change her clothes, then take them out to the village if they were up for it.
Kakashi walked with a cane soon after Gai was outfitted with an electric chair - every day they tried their best to throw Sakura off their tail but she never let them out of her sight for long.
Villagers crawled out of the woodwork to bid them cheerful hellos, genin fought over who carried their groceries home, and mature shinobi bowed deeply as they passed. The uglier they got the more respect they received. For three generations now they’d been known as legendary heroes - Kakashi merely begrudged the public’s misguided opinion whereas Gai, everyone’s proverbial grandfather, basked in the attention.
One morning Kakashi woke up to Gai snoring into his ear, heart pills waiting for him next to his bifocals on the side table. He lifted his head with minor difficulty and looked into the mirror above the dresser. The man staring back at him - bedraggled, balding, and chronically exhausted - was unrecognizable. But when Kakashi waved the man waved back, so it had to be him.
Displeased by his appearance, Kakashi examined Gai, who naturally retained a full head of gray hair. He slept noisily, eyebrows pinched in permanent pain, and clutched Kakashi’s hand like a vice.
Everything was so terrible. Kakashi turned into a grumpy old man like everyone predicted. It felt awful watching his husband deteriorate, knowing he couldn’t do anything to help because he wasn’t so far behind himself. He didn’t know how Gai put on a brave face through all the suffering. As Kakashi relied on Gai in their day-to-day life, Gai relied on him as an anchor during drug-induced hazes.
Sasuke knocked softly at the door and peeked inside. “Morning,” he aid upon noticing Kakashi was awake.
“Come to kill me yet?” Kakashi asked hopefully.
“No, not yet.”
“Damn.”
The Uchiha patriarch stepped into the room, carrying his customary tea tray. Middle age suited him, mellowed both his personality and appearance. Faint wrinkles softened his countenance instead of hardening it, and his hair was pulled into a bun, a few locks strategically loosened to cover the Rinnegan.
He set the tea tray down on the side table, where it joined Kakashi’s medication and glasses, then moved to open the window curtains. “Rise and shine, old man,” he drawled. The epithet held no bite.
Kakashi struggled to sit up against the headboard, as Gai’s weight kept him pinned down. “Get off of me,” he grumbled. When Gai didn’t respond, Kakashi jostled his shoulder. “Gai, wake up.”
Gai jolted to consciousness, fists swinging. “I told you, Rival,” he yelled, still dreaming.
Kakashi smirked. “Told me what?”
“Oh.” Gai squinted at Kakashi, then broke into a wide smile. “Good morning!”
Kakashi grunted as Gai attacked him with a giant hug. Gai was of the philosophy that every day be lived to the fullest, especially when they had such little time left. This ultimately resulted in a lot of physical affection and declarations of love.
“Hurry up, you two,” Sasuke ordered when they parted. Pride flooded his voice. “Sarada is visiting today, remember?”
Gai gasped. “I did not remember! What an honor.”
“I only told you fifty times,” Kakashi reminded him.
Gai ignored his words, grappling over Kakashi’s blanketed legs for a cup of tea. “Let’s get ready as quickly as possible!”
Kakashi idly wondered if Gai was always this loud or if his ears had just grown sensitive. He declined to inform Gai that their version of “as quickly as possible” was still pretty slow these days.
Sasuke left them to their own devices. They downed their tea, took turns in the en suite bathroom, and helped each other get dressed. All in all the process took nearly an hour. Ready to leave their mothball-scented room, Kakashi put on his bifocals but forgot his heart pills. Neither he nor Gai noticed.
Gai zipped across the complex’s smooth floors without a problem. Kakashi hobbled after him much slower, forcing Gai to stop and wait for him to catch up. It was a Saturday, so Sakura was home with her husband. They found her busy making brunch in the kitchen, an apron tied around her waist.
She greeted them with a bright smile. “Hello!”
“Hello,” Gai replied with double the enthusiasm. “You are shining with the glow of a mother’s love!”
“Um, thanks?” Sakura sent Kakashi a bemused look. They had an inside joke that Gai was turning senile.
“It’s been awhile since the beautiful Sarada has graced us with our presence,” Gai continued. He elbowed Kakashi’s side. “Being Hokage is no joke, eh?”
Kakashi whacked the side of Gai’s electric chair with his cane.
Sakura rounded the counter and ushered them to the table. “Sit down, please. I’m making brunch. It’ll be ready soon.”
Gai cheered. “Ohoho! This morning keeps getting better!”
“It’s too early,” Kakashi bemoaned. He hooked his cane over the arm of Gai’s chair once they sat next to each other. “Can we just say hi and go back to bed?”
“Sarada has a big announcement,” Sakura said. She frowned and put a finger to her chin. “I don’t know what it could be.”
All of a sudden, Sasuke entered through one of the various sliding screen doorsand tacked onto his wife’s musings. “Nothing could be as bad as her proposal to Boruto,” he muttered, and dropped a handful of flowers from Sakura’s garden into a vase on the table. “There you go,” he said to his wife.
Sakura kissed his cheek, then swept back behind the counter to finish cooking. “Now that you mention it, she said Boruto would be coming with her.”
Sasuke sat across from Kakashi, glowering. His opinion of his former apprentice decreased once he married his daughter - regardless of the fact it was Sarada, ever proactive, who initiated matrimony. “Fantastic.”
“Oh, hush,” Sakura reprimanded. She tossed a stray fork at Sasuke’s head - he caught it with ease and lowered it onto the table.
It really was too early. Kakashi set his forehead down. Gai rubbed the nape of his neck. “There, there, Rival,” Gai murmured.
Thankfully, Sarada arrived soon.
Sasuke perked up and turned to the doorway. “She’s here,” he needlessly announced - in a room full of elite shinobi, they’d all detected her presence.
Sakura squealed and vaulted over the counter when Sarada entered. Sarada laughed, fumbling backward under the force of Sakura’s hug. “Mama,” she cried, a blush spreading over her cheeks, “I’m a grown woman!”
“I don’t care how old you are, Hokage or not!” Sakura held Sarada at an arm’s length and straightened her trademark red glasses, which went askew. “It’s so good to see you.”
“You too,” Sarada replied.
Sasuke rose from the table and kissed the crown of her head. “How have you been?”
She groaned goodnaturedly. “Fine, Papa. Let me breathe!”
Sakura glanced over Sarada’s shoulder. “Where’s Boruto?”
Sarada frowned and looked behind herself. “I don’t know, actually.”
“I’m right here,” Boruto shouted, storming inside. A green, wiggly garden snake was clenched in his fist. “I got bit again!”
“Papa!” Sarada turned to her father, affronted.
Sasuke shrugged. “I don’t know how that happened.”
“Nice one,” Kakashi commented from the table. Gai laughed beside him.
“Gramps!” Sarada’s anger vanished, and she came over to peck Kakashi and Gai on the cheek. “How have you been?”
“We’re alive,” Kakashi said. His tone of voice made it sound like this was a bad thing.
Gai encouraged Sarada to sit down, loudly commenting on her natural beauty and strength. Boruto sidled next to her, sucking at the bite on his wrist. After Sakura bullied Sasuke into helping her set the table, they all began to eat.
Boruto kept sending Sarada nervous glances. Halfway through the meal she’d finally had enough and put her utensils down. “Everyone,” she said as if conducting an official meeting, “I need to tell you something.” She looked at Boruto. “We haven’t told Naruto and Hinata yet, so you’re the first to know.”
Sakura and Sasuke shared a look from either end of the table, while Boruto looked like he was going to throw up. Kakashi already knew where this was going and kept drinking his coffee. Gai trembled with excitement beside him.
Sarada took a deep breath. “I’m pregnant.”
A beat of silence passed.
Sakura leapt up from the table and punched a hole in the wall, unable to contain her tidal wave of motherly emotion. Sasuke radiated killing intent at Boruto, who cowered into Sarada’s side. Gai clapped his hands and immediately launched into a diatribe on the flowering springtime of youth.
Kakashi took another sip of coffee. He looked down at his arm. It twitched painfully. He placed a hand over his chest. “Gai.”
Gai mistook his behavior as sentimentality. “Isn’t this amazing news?”
“No,” Kakashi said. The pain traveled from his arm into the rest of his torso.
“I agree,” Sasuke seconded.
“No,” Kakashi repeated, “No, I mean - “ His head swam. He fumbled for Gai’s shoulder.
Worried now, Gai held him up. “Kakashi?”
Sarada’s smile fell. “Mama!”
Sakura ripped her fist out of the wall. “What is it?” Seeing Kakashi’s perturbed expression, she ran toward him. “Kakashi-sensei? Are you okay?”
Kakashi shook his head. He fell to the ground.
“Kakashi!” Despite the pain it certainly caused him, Gai scrambled out of his chair with speed he hadn’t exhibited in years, just in time for Kakashi to land in his lap.
Sarada switched into Hokage mode and clattered from the table, Boruto instantly rising with her. “We’ll go alert the hospital,” she said, and they disappeared.
“Sasuke,” Sakura barked.
He knelt at her side. “What do you need?”
“He’s going into cardiac arrest.”
Sakura’s roaming hands flared with chakra. Kakashi felt like his heart was jackrabbiting in his ribcage. He kept his eyes trained on Gai’s, unable to speak or move or breathe. Gai stroked his face as Sakura tore his shirt open like it was nothing. “It will be okay. Just keep looking at me,” Gai instructed.
Sakura pointed at two points on his bare chest. “A lightning-release here and here should stop his heart.”
Gai’s head snapped up and Kakashi desperately wished for him to look back down. “What do you mean?!”
“It’ll restart on its own,” Sakura elucidated shortly. She guided Sasuke’s hands, already crackling with energy, to Kakashi’s chest. “Now!”
Sasuke utilized the technique Kakashi had taught him when he was a boy with expert finesse. Kakashi felt the shock rip through his body, then the world went black.
/
Kakashi woke up and immediately knew that he was dead.
His body was bereft of all aches. When he opened his eyes his vision was fine. He sat up without protest from his joints. He looked down at his hands and found them smooth.
He touched his face. There was no mask. His features were solid and chiseled, untarnished by age. Not only was he young again, he was unscarred and impeccable. Definitely dead.
Kakashi stood and saw a bright white pool at his feet. His reflection confirmed his suspicions: he was twenty-five again.
He expected his father to come pay him another visit or to see Minato-sensei. But when a different voice called out to him, Kakashi was equally pleased.
“Bakashi!”
Kakashi smiled. “Obito!” His voice had regained its strong, youthful timber. Kakashi repeated his friend’s name to enjoy the vibration he felt in his chest upon speaking.
Obito laughed at him. Kakashi laughed too. It took him a moment to realize Obito was even younger than himself - genin age, short and stout, eyes narrowed at Kakashi through his orange goggles.
“Obito,” Kakashi said again with less exuberance. His own appearance changed for a second time, and he de-aged another ten years. “What’s going on?”
“You’re more comfortable speaking to me if we’re boys,” Obito explained somewhat bitterly. “I don’t blame you. It was before everything…”
“That’s not it.” Kakashi paused - his voice had turned willowy and pubescent. “It was when we were happiest together.”
Obito pointed downward. “Are you happy now?”
Kakashi followed his gaze but only saw their reflections. “I don’t understand.”
“Oh, come on,” Obito chided. “We’ve both been through this before.”
Obito’s visage transformed. He grew taller as the side of his face twisted. In comparison Kakashi began to shrink and wrinkle. His cane materialized and he leaned on it heavily.
Obito smiled. “Look at you.”
“It’s pretty bad, isn’t it?” Kakashi croaked.
“No,” Obito said. “You’ve outlived us all.”
Dread filled Kakashi’s dead heart. “It hasn’t been easy.”
“I know.” Obito stepped forward, covered the hand Kakashi used to grip his cane. “We’ve been watching you. Minato-sensei and Rin send their regards.”
“This whole time?” Kakashi asked. The fact that his teammates honored his memory as much as he honored theirs erased the pain in his chest. “You’ve seen everything?”
“Everything,” Obito confirmed. “Your coronation, your wedding day - your wedding night .”
Kakashi could help but also crack a joke. “So you saw me become Hokage. Were you jealous?”
“A little,” Obito admitted. “But mostly proud. You’ve accomplished what we couldn’t. You watched over Naruto, you protected your comrades, and you became the leader of Konoha.”
“I know,” Kakashi said. “It’s still not enough.”
“Kakashi…” Obito’s expression turned wistful. “What more do you want?”
“To be with my team,” Kakashi answered. “I've been waiting for so long, Obito.”
It was the wrong answer. Obito scowled. “What was it Minato-sensei used to say?”
“Death waits for no one,” Kakashi recited, “so do not wait for death.”
“It was his most important lesson and you forgot it.”
Kakashi didn’t need a lecture. Obito was reunited with Rin and Minato-sensei decades ago; he wouldn’t understand his plight. “My memory isn’t what it used to be,” was all he said.
Obito sighed and turned away. “I guess not.”
Kakashi’s cane thunked rhythmically on the strange pond of light beneath them as he followed his friend. “Where are you going?”
“You really didn’t think you’d be coming with me, did you?”
“I already had my second chance,” Kakashi said, remembering the fateful encounter with his father’s spirit.
“You’re getting another one,” Obito said. “Congratulations.”
“But why?” Kakashi demanded. “Why me?”
Obito abruptly stopped walking, forcing Kakashi to halt. “Because you deserve it.”
Obito disappeared into the light. Kakashi reached out to catch his immaterial form as it drifted away. “Wait!”
“See ya later, Bakashi.”
/
Kakashi woke up and immediately knew that he was alive.
Most of his body was numb. What he could feel throbbed with pain. Blankets scratched at his skin. The steady beep of machinery followed the beat of his pulse. An antiseptic stench hung in the air. Under Sakura’s guidance, Sasuke had saved his life - he was in the hospital.
He opened his eyes.
Sakura and Sasuke sat along the back wall, whispering to Sarada and Boruto. Behind Boruto stood a solemn Naruto and Hinata. Kakashi’s eyes swiveled to the left and there was Gai, sitting vigil at his bedside. He was listening to Team 7 talk with their children, but turned as if he’d sensed Kakashi’s gaze.
“Kakashi!” Ignorant of the various wires and tubes, Gai leapt from his chair, bullied his way onto the mattress, and wrapped his arms around Kakashi. “You’re awake!”
Kakashi melted into the embrace. His students abruptly stopped speaking and surrounded his bed. Sakura shoved past everyone and maneuvered around Gai to check Kakashi’s vitals, stepping back only when she was certain that everything appeared normal.
“That was quite the scare,” she said, curt and clinical, but her next words betrayed momentous relief. “We thought…”
“I thought nothing,” Gai boomed, and clenched the front of Kakashi’s hospital gown. “I knew my Eternal Rival wouldn’t go out without a bang!”
The red tint in Gai’s eyes and the hoarse quality of his voice suggested otherwise, but Kakashi only smiled at him warmly. “At least somebody believes in me.”
“Gai carried you all the way here,” Sasuke informed.
Kakashi’s smile turned into a smirk. “I’m surprised you managed that.”
Gai released Kakashi’s gown to pump his fist in the air. “Don’t even doubt it, Rival! Just to prove myself, I will henceforth carry you everywhere we go!”
“No you won’t,” Sakura flatly refused.
Standing beside Hinata, Naruto chuckled. “I kind of want to see that.”
Sakura scowled and pinched his ear. “Don’t encourage him!”
“Ow! Let go of me, Sakura! Hinata, tell her to let go!”
Hinata shook her head. “You should know by now not to instigate her.”
“I’m not instigating anybody! Sasuke, control your wife!”
Sasuke didn’t have to do anything, because Sakura’s vehement glare silenced Naruto well enough. “Okay,” he relented a tad fearfully, “I’ll shut up.”
Sakura finally relinquished his ear. “Good.”
Kakashi watched all of this with fondness, then turned when Sarada glided past her parents and in-laws to perch on the side of his bed. “They’re crazy,” she whispered to him.
“I know.”
Sarada smiled. “I’m glad you’re okay. I couldn’t survive the next nine months without you.”
“That’s right,” Gai yelled. “We’re going to be great-grandparents, Rival!”
Kakashi winced. “I didn’t lose my memory, Gai. But I might lose my hearing.”
Gai quickly lowered his volume. “Sorry.”
Boruto appeared on their other side. “You’ve gotta keep Sasuke from killing me, anyway.”
Naruto turned away from Sakura to interject, mouth twisted in a frown. “Not if I kill you first! What the hell were you thinking, telling that bastard about my grandkid before me?”
Boruto lifted his hands as if to ward of Naruto’s impending rage. “It was Sarada’s idea...”
“No it wasn’t!” Sarada addressed Naruto over her shoulder. “Boruto said since they’re my parents and Papa was his mentor we might as well tell them first.”
Boruto deftly scrambled back as Naruto rounded the bed to grapple him.
“Fucking punk!”
“Dad, come on, I didn’t mean it like that!”
Sarada and her parents watched the Uzumaki men chase each other around as Hinata calmly beseeched them to cut it out.
“Sarada,” Kakashi said.
She looked down. “What is it?”
“Sorry I ruined your big announcement.”
“Gramps, please.” She patted his arm consolingly. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
“What, did you think a silly little heart attack would stop this old man?” Kakashi shifted upward, Gai’s arm firm around his waist. “I thought you had more faith me.”
“I do,” Sarada confirmed. “But you can’t deny you’re borderline suicidal sometimes.”
Kakashi brushed off her claim with a wave of his hand. “Not really.”
She looked honestly surprised. “It’s a pretty convincing joke.”
They were interrupted by a loud shatter as Naruto threw Boruto out of the window. Sarada straightened, peering over the bed to check on Boruto’s condition. Hinata smacked Naruto’s head and ordered him to apologize to their son. Sasuke complimented Naruto’s attack, while Sakura complained about their family’s never-ending stream of medical emergencies.
Amused, Gai glanced at Kakashi, who grinned. “I won’t leave any of you unless I can help it.”
Gai nodded, and tucked Kakashi closer against his side. “I will hold you to that, Rival.”