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“how could true love look me in the eye and lie?”
the glass flies past the blond’s head, dangerously close to his ear. kei sucks in a breathe.
even after all these years, tadashi’s aim was impeccable. kei shuddered. he knows he was not hurt only because tadashi didn’t want him to be hurt.
it stings more, knowing that despite everything he’s done, the intensity of pain he’s caused the other man, tadashi doesn’t want him to feel even a slither of what kei can only imagine he’s caused him.
“you told me you loved me!”
kei winces.
it’s the first time after years that he’s seen tadashi truly angry.
this time, it’s all on him. kei had fucked this up.
he opens his mouth to speak something, anything, but no words come out. what is he even supposed to say after all he’s done? sorry?
“fucking say something, kei!” tadashi snarls at him, his eyes furious and crazy.
kei trembles.
“you lied to me. how could you, kei? how could you, of all people?”
tadashi stalks forward, angry and confused and sorrowful, and shakes kei’s body, demanding an answer. his arms soon fall limp to his sides.
“i trusted you.” tadashi’s voice breaks in the middle. each word seems like a knife in kei’s heart, twisting and turning.
“i thought we’d be together til we die”
“infinity and beyond, you asshole. you promised to love me til the stars run out. you promised me, kei.”
tadashi’s voice goes down by every word, his shoulders shaking, his strong act crumbling apart, tears slowly streaming down his face.
his knees give out under him and he collapses on the couch.
tadashi looks at him desperately, searching his face for something.
the only thing he finds is guilt.
tadashi shakes his head and sinks it into his hands.
“you promised me.”
tadashi coughs, his hand going immediately to his lungs.
kei panics. he rushes forward, hands coming just above tadashi’s shoulders before he’s shoved back.
”don’t,” tadashi mumbles between deep breaths, “don’t touch me. don’t act like you care after what you’ve done.”
kei’s heart breaks.
because tadashi isn’t just angry, he’s disgusted by kei even touching him.
he opens his mouth to say something, to say that he cares, of course he does, he loves tadashi. but shame creeps in his heart, pumps its way into his body.
what right does he have left to say that?
“i’ll forever wonder why”
they stay like this for some time. kei doesn’t know whether it’s just seconds or minutes or even hours, all he knows is that his feet are plastered to the ground, his eyes fixed on a spot on the ground.
“why?” tadashi asks, his voice raspy. he sniffs.
kei doesn’t know how to reply.
he cries out, “just give me a goddamn reason. i need something. i need a reason.”
kei’s eyes finally move to meet tadashi’s.
he’s never been more ashamed of himself.
how could he do this? how could he betray his best friend? his boyfriend? his tadashi?
“i don’t, i don’t know,” kei admits.
he’s not lying this time, which makes it even more frustrating. why had he done this? how had he thought it would be a good idea to cheat on his boyfriend?
tadashi looks at him blankly.
“you don’t know?” he starts, voice deathly soft.
kei is reminded of the calm before the storm.
“we said until death do us part”
“you ruined my life, tsukishima kei. you destroyed my future and you have the guts to say you don’t know why?” he shouts out.
he starts, “tadashi, i honestly—“
“don’t speak of honesty, you dick. you would never have told me, you would have just kept going on if i hadn’t found out!” tadashi snaps.
kei’s throat closes up.
“how long?”
he shuffles awkwardly, gaze boring a hole in the ground.
“how long, tsukishima?”
that hurts more than anything. it’s not kei anymore, not even tsukki.
“a month.” he admits, his small voice setting a heavy tension in the room.
tadashi glares at him for a long time. he doesn’t say anything, just glares, as if he’s trying to find a piece of his kei, a piece of the man he loved.
“and then you chose to break my heart”
tadashi gets up, hissing in pain.
kei doesn’t dare move towards him this time.
his eyes follow tadashi as he walks past him, into their room.
he comes back with a small black box in his hand.
it’s not opened but kei already knows what’s in it. his breathe hitches as tadashi opens it.
“i had been saving up for this since january. i worked my ass off, did extra jobs, did online freelance work, did anything i could have done.” tadashi whispers.
“it’s hilarious, isn’t it?” he asks kei, an outline of a weak smile on his face, “i was building our future together while you were destroying it. i wasted my time for nothing.”
it’s only then that kei lets himself cry. “tadashi, please, i’m sorry. i’m so sorry, i’m so fucking sorry.”
“i’m sorry.” he repeats, over and over again, knowing that the damage he has done can never be repaired, knowing it’s futile to even try.
he sinks to the floor, head on his knees, and cries til his eyes dry out. tadashi looks everywhere except at him.
“get out.” kei’s head snaps up.
“tadashi, no, please. give me one chance, please. i can fix this, we can fix this, we can—“
“i don’t want anything to do with you.”
he knows there’s no arguing against tadashi now. he stands up on shaky legs, looks back one last time, and walks out of their apartment.
it’s not yours anymore, he thinks.
and whose fault is that?
he stands outside the apartment, unable to go away just yet.
where else is he supposed to go? what else does he have?
he had just messed up the only good thing in his life. the only thing he had left.
and now he’s gone too.
his tadashi.
gone, because kei had done the only thing he was good at.
being a general disappointment, failing to do even the simplest thing, being a fuck up.
he slides down to the floor, his back resting against the door, and cries til he feels numb.