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“I was furious, you know?” Stiles’s voice is still weak but at least he’s talking. “I really hated you. I tried to help you and it was my father who paid the price. And you ended up killing and hurting people without punishment—without consequences… I hated how you always got your way… how you got everything you wanted.”
“You’re wrong—You’re so wrong... My punishment is having to live with it. Because if you think that it hasn’t affected me, you’re totally mistaken. And if you don’t forgive me, that’s just one more thing I have to live with,” Jackson says matter-of-factly.
“Well, chances are we’re not getting out of here… so it doesn’t really matter if I forgive you or not because you won’t have to live with it.”
“Okay, I liked you more when you were unconscious,” Jackson shakes his head. It’s not that he’s given up exactly but he’s tired of arguing. “I’m stupid for trying to apologize to you. Why should you even care, right?”
“I’m not stupid, you know?" Stiles says after a minute. "I’ve seen you trying… I mean, what you said before… I know what you meant. I know you were making an effort but it was mostly with Derek, Isaac and Boyd. Scott noticed it too, actually… but, yeah, I know you and Scott don’t have the best relationship, so I wasn’t surprised. I figured—”
“He doesn’t make things easy… he never has. And he doesn’t like me. It’s easier to start with those who don’t totally hate your guts.”
“Well, I never hated you before you did what you did… I was just… kind of jealous, I guess,” Stiles admits.
“Jealous? What do you mean?”
“Isn’t that obvious?” Stiles asks, raising his eyebrows.
Jackson stays silent and looks at Stiles again but it’s too dark to see his face with clarity.
“Lydia, of course,” Stiles says kind of amused. “The fact that you didn’t know right away just proves that you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”
“Do you know that I could tell you the same?” Jackson furrows his brow.
“You don’t deserve her and you know it,” Stiles says, ignoring the question. “If she was my girlfriend, I’d treat her like the intelligent and beautiful queen that she is… I’d be the happiest guy on earth, and what did you do? You treated her like shit and broke up with her.”
“I never treated her like—”
“Yes, you did,” Stiles interrupts an offended Jackson. “But for some twisted reason, she still loved you and got back with you after saving your life—with my help, by the way. So yeah, here we both are… but I’m gonna die a fucking virgin while you’ve had sex countless times with her… excuse me if I’m a little jealous and think about my miserable situation once again. Obviously, you can’t even imagine what it feels like.”
“For your information, I know I wasn’t the best boyfriend out there—”
“Yeah, understatement of the year,” Stiles interrupts Jackson again.
“But I’ve been trying to be… you know, to be more what she deserves. No matter what you think of me, I care about her… and I know how smart and great she is. Maybe I couldn’t see it before but now I do.” Jackson sighs and licks his lips. “Maybe… I don’t know, maybe, I’m not good enough for her… maybe you’re right. We’re trying to make it work but I don’t think it’s actually working,” Jackson admits.
Stiles snorts.
“What?” Jackson frowns.
“Nothing… I can’t believe you just said I’m right about something, Mr. I’m-perfect-at-everything,” Stiles says, stressing every word.
“When the hell have I said that I’m perfect, exactly?”
“I think the lack of fresh air is clearly affecting your memory. Hell, I’m worried… maybe you have some kind of brain injury,” Stiles says with sarcasm.
“Come on, I’m serious.”
“No, you aren’t. Just because you’re finally a wolf and you have this idea of getting some kind of rebirth like Superman or something… some sort of redemption… I don’t even know what’s going on in your brain… but you’re still you: fucking Jackson Whittemore, who thinks he can do everything better than everybody else—Look better than everybody else… best ride, best clothes, best body, best hair, best girlfriend… best-of-everything. I mean, that’s always been you… since you were a kid! You’ve never changed… so don’t tell me that just because you’re a wolf now, after being the ugliest killing reptile I’ve ever seen, you’ve seen the fucking light, your heart is full of kindness and you want to fix all your mistakes and be good to everybody, starting with Lydia, okay? Just because you’re trying to fit in with the pack, it doesn’t mean you’re another person. You’re still you: Mr. I’m fucking ‘perfect’.”
“I didn’t know you thought I have a perfect body, Stilinski.” Jackson smirks.
Stiles snorts. “Yeah… and that’s what you got from all that. Why am I not surprised?”
“Jesus… Your sense of humor is in serious need of improvement, you know?”
“Yeah, says the least funny guy I know on this planet.”
“For your information, not being funny has nothing to do with having a sense of humor… and about all that shit you just said about me: yeah, you’re right,” Jackson shrugs, ”I do like to be the best… or I try to be… but what’s wrong with that? Having a goal motivates me but it doesn’t mean I always get what I want, and it doesn’t mean I think I’m the best… that I think I’m perfect, like you said. The truth is that most of the time I’m frustrated with myself. That’s what happens when you raise the bar and you fail… you hate yourself… and then, you strive for success even harder than you did before because you don’t want to feel that way again. Besides, you’re too afraid to disappoint your parents and everybody who has that idea of you. That idea that you’ve created yourself. So, you see… you may think you know me but you only see what I want you to see… and that’s why I don’t give a shit what you think about me.”
He knows his parents have always known all that and they are the main people, besides himself, he doesn’t want to disappoint in this life. Probably the fact that he’s never included Lydia on that list, just proves that he’s never really loved her. He knows he cares about her but he can’t tell his heart how to feel, that is supposed to be effortless.
“Yeah, I’m nobody, I know.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. I wouldn’t have bothered to tell you all that if I thought that about you,” Jackson explains assertively.
Maybe his last words were all just bullshit he felt he had to say. Maybe for some reason he cares what Stiles thinks about him.
The fact is that the sincerity in Jackson’s tone only makes Stiles more curious.
“Oh yeah? So why are you in this sharing mood exactly?” Stiles raises his eyebrows expectantly.
“Why not?” Jackson asks simply.
“Why not?” Stiles repeats.
“Yeah. If it’s the only way that you might believe me… then, why not? It’s not because ‘we’re going to die’ like you keep saying… and it’s not because I’m trying to keep you awake. It’s because you’ve accused me of many things and I’ve listened to you. And hell, I haven’t seen any ‘light’ and I’m not a fucking saint, nor do I pretend to be... but if you let me, I’ll prove to you that I’m not that asshole you think I am anymore.”
“Yeah, just a different kind…” Stiles offers.
“Sort of… yeah,” Jackson smirks.
<p>(To be continued = There is one part in this scene)</p>