Archive of Our Own ^beta

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spidey

@SMOfficial

it is wednesday mdudes

Joined: Just Now

12 Following 5 Followers

spidey  @SMOfficial 

hhhhh thor big strong,,,

32.4k likes 7.9k retweets



ms maximoff pls @steponmyneck

In reply to @SMOfficial

mood 


jen @r0tten

In reply to @SMOfficial

wait... s p i d e r m a n has a twitter now?!



Tony S. @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

kid what the fuck



Cap @steverogers

In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman

his first post on here and it’s this jfc

spidey @SMOfficial

it has come to my attention that @iamironman is a Spoil Sport who won’t let me have fun :/

12.3k likes 8.9k retweets



tye @rosemaryntyler

In reply to @SMOfficial

oof what happened



spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @rosemaryntyler

i spoke the Truth and he couldn’t handle it.



mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial and @rosemaryntyler

he was thirsting after thor. again.



spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones

[maybeso.gif]



strongest avenger @thorodinson 

In reply to @SMOfficial 

i like you also, son of Stark :)



spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @thorodinson

skshdjdjsjjsjdjfjrjdOSSJSJSHSKSK



mj @michellejones

In reply to @thorodinson and @SMOfficial

@thorodinson i think you broke him

there’s a b?!?!?! @michaelbclancy

is no one gonna acknowledge thor called spider-man “son of Stark”???

7.6k likes 6.7k retweets



sasha @oaktreewinds

In reply to @michaelbclancy

i mean— i thought it was just common knowledge at this point



tony stark marry me challenge @mikayeeeela

In reply to @michaelbclancy and @oaktreewinds

same lol

nat @blackwidow

I swear to god I’m so fuckin done with living in this goddam compound

15.4k likes 8.6k likes



katie @crimsonwizard

In reply to @blackwidow

what happened????

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @crimsonwizard

I went down to the kitchen bc I wanted some coffee but for some reason @SMOfficial likes to do his homework on the fuckin CEILING

nat @blackwidow 

In reply to @crimsonwizard

I didn’t even notice until I looked up after making the cup and he was just... There. Long story short, I spilled coffee everywhere and my hands and chest are burned.

spidey @SMOfficial 

In reply to @blackwidow

i said i was sorry!!! :-(

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @SMOfficial

I know.

ms maximoff pls @steponmyneck

In reply to @blackwidow and @SMOfficial

wait, homework?? is spider-man a student?!??!

spidey @SMOfficial 

In reply to @steponmyneck

fuck.

Tony S. @iamironman

Yes, Spider-Man is a student. No, we will not be disclosing his specific age or what level of education he is currently in. We all would appreciate if Spider-Man was given at least some form privacy as it is, quite frankly, none of your business.
82.3k likes 65.2k retweets


jen @r0tten 

In reply to @iamironman

you know it’s serious when he uses proper capitalisation and punctuation

spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @r0tten

Okay but seriously, please give me at least enough privacy to finish school. I have enough stress with the fighting crime thing I've got going on. Having to worry about people hunting down my classmates and teachers doesn't need to add any more stress.

spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @r0tten

Also, that wasn't meant to come across as me targeting you or anything! You were just the first person I saw in the replies

jen @r0tten

In reply to @SMOfficial

I know ♥

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spidey @SMOfficial

having older friends is stressful. you talk about your young people problems n they’re just like ‘haha i remember when i experienced that during WW2’

121k likes 87.3k retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

@ me next time sis

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes

SKSKSKSKSKSK WHO TAUGHT BUCKY INTERNET SLANG

Cap @steverogers

In reply to @cbarton

that display name is highly inappropriate

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @steverogers

suck it capsicle

claudia @hitormiss

I’d just like to thank Twitter for supplying me w the knowledge that the avengers are the Best thnx

3.4k likes 2.7k retweets

spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @hitormiss

if you needed twitter to tell you that you obviously don’t love us enough. smh fake fan.

claudia @hitormiss

In reply to @SMOfficial

im lov u

spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @hitormiss

im lov u too <3

whoever threw that paper @urmomsahoe

This just in: Spidey is best boy

7.2k likes 4.1k retweets

spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @urmomsahoe

:3c

spidey @SMOfficial

i would die for Thor

102k likes 54.1k retweets

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @SMOfficial

I would never let that happen.

spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @thorodinson

<3

spidey @SMOfficial

it’s been like a month how tf am I at 10mil followers already?!?!? the only other avenger to have more is Tony what the fuck how did this h a p p e n

124.8k likes 73.4k retweets

Tony S. @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

You’re probably going to end up overtaking me soon, the rate you’re going.

spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

w h y tho

Tony S. @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

Cuz they love you, kid. Can’t blame them, to be honest.

jen @r0tten

In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman

hhhhhh i’m Soft for two (2) boys

nattie @naturenat

In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman

Thank you Lord for giving me prime SpiderKid and IronDad content.

spidey @SMOfficial

In reply to @naturenat

spiderkid… hm.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

new name, new me B)

127.4k likes 45.6k retweets

Tony S. @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

I literally make sure you have the highest level tech before it’s even released to the public. You have access to emojis. Why don’t you ever use them?

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

bc it’s more fun to use emoticons!! now, do the thing!!

Tony S. @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

That’s not happening.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

… please? :(

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

Happy now?

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

very :)

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

The things I do for you, kid. I swear to God.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

uwu

shuri @wakandanprincess

Before anybody asks, no, I was not the one that made @SMOfficial use ‘uwu’. He is just Like That.

78.2k likes 34.1k retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @wakandanprincess

as someone who sees him daily, i can verify. (the three of us are watching love simon tonight, right?)

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @jamesbarnes

See, @iamironman? I told you. (yeah, i already checked with peter too, he’s able to make it)

hit me two times @borkbork

In reply to @wakandanprincess

who the fuck is peter

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @borkbork

Shit.

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @borkbork

shit.

well done gays

(bi)derman: shuri what the fuck

whAt aRE thOsEEEE: lOok I’m soRRY OK

whAt aRE thOsEEEE: I ONLY REALISED  A F T E R I PUBLISHED THE TWEET

(bi)derman: ik, it’s okay. i honestly don’t give a fuck lol. but mr.stark is another story

whAt aRE thOsEEEE: he mad?

(bi)derman: considerably so

whAt aRE thOsEEEE: damn it. so i’m guessing no movie night?

(bi)derman: probably not :/

murder strut rights 2k19: god fucking damn it.

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SpiderKid @SMOfficial

:-)

[attached: a tik tok recreation of the famous “hit or miss” tik tok, although this one is of Spider-man, who is still in suit. He recreates it to a T, until the end, in which he rips off his mask before hitting the dab.]

3.6M likes 1.8M retweets

canary @islandis

In reply to @SMOfficial

WHAT FHE FUCKEKDJSJSJSKKSS

mary @janew

In reply to @SMOfficial

WAIT IS THAT REALLY SPIDEY???? WHAT THE FUCK

ms romanov pls kill me @natforevs

In reply to @SMOfficial

WHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCKWHATTHEFUCK

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

n i c e

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

Kid you better take that down I swear to god Pepper’s gonna kill you before I even get to

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @iamironman

not as nice oof, good luck pete

shuri @wakandanprincess

[attached: Two Images. Image one is a screenshot of Peter’s face from the tik tok, in which his features are most visible. Image two is a picture of Tiffany Pollard saying “BEYONCÉ?!”. However, beyoncé is blanked out and instead the text “SPIDER-MAN?!” is written] #SpideyFaceReveal

1.7M likes 782.1k retweets

whEN wIlL YoU LeaRN?!?! @coochiecatcher69

In reply to @wakandanprincess

SKSHSJSISSJSJSJJSS

adri @horsesindaback

okay but,, why is spidey (peter? we can call him that now, right?) h o t?? like wow.

8.6k likes 4.7k retweets

mj @michellejones

In reply to @horsesindaback

back the FUCK up

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @horsesindaback

he really is, isn’t he? too bad you’ll never get ‘im :)

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

tmw you log back on after being yelled at to see the two lights of ur life being jealous lil shits

1.3M likes 637.3k retweets

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

<3

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

<3

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds

<333

The New York Times @nytimes

Spider-Man reveals identity as teen in video, also hinting at being in a relationship with two other teens, Michelle Jones and Ned Leeds of MidTown High. Sources suggest Spider-Man may be Peter Parker, a student who has been seen with the hero’s partners. Avengers yet to comment.

[attached: Two Images, one of Peter, Ned and MJ seemingly taken while they were entering school together. The other image the screenshot Shuri had posted of the TikTok.]

897k likes 654k retweets

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @nytimes

We’re not commenting bc there’s nothing to comment on. Pepper and I had a serious talk w him about it and despite how we would have preferred for him to wait until he was older, he knew the risks that came with revealing himself to the public and made that choice at his own will

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @nytimes and @iamironman

However, what I DO have a say in is whether or not those reporters who are taking pictures of Pete with his partners will be able to have any job in the journalism branch at all after this. Stalking and taking secretive pictures of minors isn’t a good look for your career.

????!!!!? @iamcOnfuSiON

In reply to @iamironman

omg go off Tony!!!!!!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

not to be like,,, Uncharacteristically Violent or anything but,,, if i ever catch any of u following me, ned n mj n takin creepy ass photos of us, i WILL web ur face n leave u to suffocate slowly xoxo

1.8M likes 793k retweets

country boy @hawyee

In reply to @SMOfficial

We love a Protective King

ms maximoff pls @steponmyneck

In reply to @SMOfficial

ugh yes pete threaten those Creeps

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @SMOfficial

I’m so proud :’)

wanda @scarletwitch

who the fuck taught vision to fortnite dance?!?!

783.9k likes 542.3k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @scarletwitch

…

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial

peter i swear to god—

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @scarletwitch

Pietro helped too!

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @SMOfficial

Don’t drag me into this tf

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @pietromaximoff

:P

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial and @pietromaximoff

i am going to kill you both i stg

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SpiderKid @SMOfficial

wanda talks a lot of shit but her and vision are actually the sweetest most romantic couple ever it makes me want to throw up in my mouth

1.4M likes 986.5k retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial

you’re spreading lies. i’m gonna sue you for defamation of character

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @scarletwitch

hm.

[ attached: a photo taken of wanda and vision in the kitchen, they seem to be dancing, the picture having caught vision in the middle of twirling wanda. the picture is slightly blurry, suggesting the person holding the phone likely ran the moment they snapped the pic]

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

aw :-(

[attached: a screenshot of @scarletwitch ‘s account, the message “@scarletwitch blocked you. You are blocked from following @scarletwitch and viewing @scarletwitch’s tweets.”]

1.3M likes 912.3k retweets

celia @ccjameson

In reply to @SMOfficial

LMAOOO is this for that pic you posted?

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @ccjameson

yeah :-( i told her they’re really cute n everyone else thinks so! and she was all “hm. ok then :) xoxo” and then she blocked me anyway!! fake friend smh

celia @ccjameson

In reply to @SMOfficial

it’s ok pete, you’re doing the Lord’s work by supplying us with Scarlet Vision content! what song were they dancing to in the pic?

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @ccjameson

When a Man Loves a Woman by Percy Sledge <3 they’re such saps it’s adorable

celia @ccjameson

In reply to @SMOfficial

oml they’re so cutteeee sksksksksjsjskks

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @ccjameson

ikr skdjsksklsksksjsskdhgsshak

IronDad @iamironman

@SMOfficial stop squealing over wanda and vision and go the fuck to bed it’s 3am on a school night jfc

2.9M likes 1.7M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

but they’re so cute :-( and ur not the boss of me >:(

Pepper Potts @mspottsofficial

In reply to @iamironman and @SMOfficial

Go to bed, Peter.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @mspottsofficial

Yes Ma’am.

Irondad @iamironman

In reply to @mspottsofficial and @SMOfficial

so you’ll listen to her but not me? betrayal.

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

PETER WHAT IN THE EVER LOVING F U C K

102.2k likes 65k retweets

mj @michellejones

In reply to @nedleeds

what did the dork do now

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @michellejones

HE TORE HIS OWN ARM OFF

mj @michellejones

In reply to @nedleeds

peter… what in the everloving Fuck? are u okay?! @SMOfficial

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @nedleeds and @michellejones

in my defence,,, i got a paper cut n it Hurted

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

that does NOT mean u should tear your arm off!!! peter what the hell?!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds

it doesn’t even hurt, i just Did It cuz my brain decided it would be the best way to go about it lol. it’ll grow back in like 5 mins ok bb pls calm down

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds

and you too ned!! i’m sorry i didn’t tell you about it beforehand n you had to walk in on it. i should’ve told you both outright, i’m sorry. i love u both

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial and @nedleeds

i love the both of you two dorks too

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @michellejones and @SMOfficial

Same <3

sammy @cawcawboi

WAIT so not only does pete have the willpower to t e a r his own l i m b off— but he also regenerates?? why are we all just learning this now?

234k likes 130k retweets

Cap @steverogers

In reply to @cawcawboi

in our defence, we also are just learning about the true extent of the kid’s powers

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @steverogers

i knew already

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @steverogers and @jamesbarnes

of course you would barnes

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SpiderKid @SMOfficial

lol why bother w payin for blankets when u can just make ur own? say No to Capitalism.

[attached: an image of peter in one of the top corners of his room, his webbing seemingly the only thing keeping his from falling down. the picture seems to be taken from someone else’s perspective, as it is looking up towards him from the floor. his eyes are visible and he seems to be smiling cheekily from how they’re crinkled at the edges.]

7.6M likes 6.8M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

uh picture credits hoe tf

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

shhhh ur supposed to be my Ghost Photographer

papaya saraya @whomstve

In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess

wait, shuri is hanging in peters room? are y’all having a sleepover or something lol?

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @whomstve

yes.

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @whomstve

yes.

jazzy @yoweewowee

In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess

pics or it didn’t happen!!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @yoweewowee

:P

[attached: a selfie taken with both Peter and Shuri in frame. Peter is holding the camera, Shuri visible over his shoulder. They seem to be sitting on a floor, Peter crosslegged and Shuri with her feet underneath her. They’re both putting up peace signs and Shuri is sticking her tongue out. Peter has a cheeky grin.]

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

Saved to the collection.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

>:-/

sandy @woofwoofboi

oh my gosh i would actually die for peter and tony

24.2k likes 13.2k retweets

actual strongest avenger @drbanner

In reply to @woofwoofboi

You’re still in the honeymoon phase in terms of their bond. Trust me, you’ll get sick of them soon enough.

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @drbanner

i have no idea what it is you’re talking about in terms of honeymoons and Stark and Starkson but i agree!!!

actual strongest avenger @drbanner

In reply to @thorodinson

xoxo

not a goddess but should be @valkyrie

In reply to @drbanner and @thorodinson

for Odin’s sake, i leave for two moments and you’re both already being disgustingly mushy

actual strongest avenger @drbanner

In reply to @valkyrie

Jealous?

strongest avenger  @thorodinson

In reply to @valkyrie

:p

not a goddess but should be @valkyrie

In reply to @drbanner

getting involved with you two was a mistake.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

y’all still pro-’life’? in our good 20biteen?? Tragic.

11.4M likes 7.9M retweets

sal @nopixpls

In reply to @SMOfficial

Spider-man is pro-choice? Be still my beating heart.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @nopixpls

gotta yeetus that fetus

sal @nopixpls

In reply to @SMOfficial

SKJDLDLDJLSKKSKSAKSJ

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SpiderKid @SMOfficial

.@captmarvel if i, let’s say, tricked you into signing adoption papers… would you be mad?

4.6M likes 2.5M retweets

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

In reply to @SMOfficial

you wouldn’t even need to trick me, give me those papers i’ll sign them willingly

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @captmarvel

:-D

wanda @scarletwitch

highkey offended that peter didn’t ask ME to adopt him tbh

896k likes 523k retweets

20/20 @vision

In reply to @scarletwitch

You still have him blocked tho

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @vision

oh shit you right

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

wanda unblocked me!!! :-D

2.1M likes 1.3M retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial

only for that Internet Clout, don’t get too excited. you’re only as useful as your 25mil followers are

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @scarletwitch

wait w h a t. since when did i have 25mil?!?!!!!??! not even mr stark has that many what the f u ck

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

yup, you’ve overtaken me by 3mil. good job

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

hhhhhhh ?!?!!!!??!????!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

so we’re at 25mil which is Lit and honestly i don’t really care t o o much about it, but i’m thinking i could maybe do something to celebrate! i’ll get to thinking!!

5.7M likes 3.2M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

hey @antman,,, cuz you can shrink really small,,, does that mean i could actually vore you???

7.8M likes 5.6M retweets

scotty @antman

In reply to @SMOfficial

please stop asking me this i’m begging i’m honestly considering a restraining order at this point sTOP

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @antman

I’m gonna munch… I’m gonna crunch…

bucky @jamesbarnes

lol my arm brushed against peter and he passed the FUCK out

2.1M likes 1.3M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @jamesbarnes

don’t like the cold.

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @jamesbarnes and @SMOfficial

why am i never there to witness the Mess smh

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

cuz ur a responsible person responsibly taking care of your responsibilities

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess

ya

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

in case y’all have missed it, here’s my daily Thor Thirst: *clears throat* strong arms…,,, j a w…, chiselled... but also… pu p py… hhhrhrhhsh smile of an a nge l

slater @heathygal

In reply to @SMOfficial

aren’t you literally in a relationship? yikes.

mj @michellejones

In reply to @heathygal

bold of u to assume we aren’t aware of his (really obvious) love for Thor

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @heathygal

and even bolder of u to assume we don’t wholeheartedly support him in it

mj @michellejones

In reply to @heathygal

instead of assuming shit about peters relationship and being a snarky, pretentious little shit, how about you mind your own goddamn business??

jen @r0tten

okay but mj and ned immediately swooping in to defend peter’s honour is everything i ever needed and more <3 i love them.

34k likes 27.1k retweets

mj @michellejones

In reply to @r0tten

we just want the best for our Useless Whiteboy

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @r0tten and @michellejones

and in this case the best is that God Dick

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds

oh my fucking god.

Chapter Text

cap @steverogers

i just realised barely any of the Avengers know anything about peter…

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @steverogers

sorry. you must be at least level 8 family to unlock my tragic backstory

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @SMOfficial

but Bucky and Tony know e v e r y t h i n g about you!!!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @cbarton

bucky and tony are level 11 and 12 family respectively they don’t count

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @SMOfficial

!! what about me? :-(

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @thorodinson

don’t worry ur on a completely different scale

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

ya, the fag scale

freya @hannyo

so are we not gonna talk about how bucky used a slur??? Cancelled.

32.1k likes 10.4k retweets

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @hannyo

have you never heard of reclaiming words??

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @hannyo

me big gay

freya @hannyo

In reply to @jamesbarnes

oh shit my bad my g

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

okay i know everything cooled down super quick but can i just say: Cancel Culture is pretty stupid :-/ u really out here tryna ‘cancel’ people before u even know what’s going on?? yikes

4.2M likes 3.1M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

maybe she snapped

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

the mom in mean girls was way more responsible of a parent than the movie tried to convince us she was

3.2M likes 4.1M retweets

caw caw @samwilson

In reply to @SMOfficial

you’re just full of Hot Takes today, aren’t you?

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

therapy: expensive, only effective in the long run, lame

saying “it be like that sometimes”: free, immediately effective, makes u sound cool B)

5.4M likes 4.7M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

mr rogers told me to tell you all that my last tweet was just a joke and if you’re suffering you should really go to a therapist and get the help you deserve

4.2M likes 3.1M retweets

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @SMOfficial

someone got in trouble with stepdad

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @blackwidow

literally shut up

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @SMOfficial

wow Rude

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @blackwidow

i’m sorry aunty nat :-(

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @SMOfficial

you’re lucky you’re adorable

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

i’ve known peter for approximately 3 days but if anything happened to him i would kill everyone on this god forsaken planet and then myself

3.2M likes 2.6M retweets

the wasp @hopevandyne

In reply to @captmarvel

big fuckin mood

IronDad @iamironman

The fact that peter has so many people that would kill for him makes me feel a lot less worried about him going on patrol tbh

3.6M likes 3.1M retweets

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

best thing about accent: everything i say sounds like a threat if i make my voice deep enough

1.2M likes 821.4k retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @pietromaximoff

haha wow that’s cool. too bad i wouldn’t know because mY HEARING AIDS RAN OUT AND YOU STILL HAVENT GOTTEN ME THE BATTERIES I ASKED FOR

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @cbarton

oh shit that’s why i left gotta bLAST

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

as of today i am officially accepting applicants for a replacement Dad. the requirements are:

1. not tony stark
2. that’s it that’s the requirements

4.3M likes 3.2M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

.@blackpanther apply now.

King T’Challa @blackpanther

In reply to @wakandanprincess

You don’t need to tell me, I am already sending for someone to email Peter

IronDad @iamironman

I wake up this morning and suddenly i have no son what the FUCK is going on

4.2M likes 2.3M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @iamironman

pete’s Angry at you cuz you put his fav pyjamas in the wash and they shrunk

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @iamironman and @jamesbarnes

it’s okay he will be happier with us my brother’s application has been accepted

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @wakandanprincess

what do you mean with you

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @iamironman

he will have whatever pjs he wants in wakanda. f o r e v e r   s l e e p o v e r

celia @cdisease

okay but highkey shuri and peter be cute as hell. “forever sleepover” my hEART

24k likes 10.2k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

last night on patrol i gave a drunk girl an elastic hair tie and she invited me to her wedding in january… kaylin, if ur reading this… i will be there i promise u

7.3M likes 5.8M retweets

Chapter Text

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

people out here in love and shit, huh?

[attached: a picture taken from behind a couch in Stark Tower, it looks to be Wanda and Vision sitting there, Vision in his human form. they’re watching Wall-E on the tv screen in front of them, Wanda’s head is resting on Vision’s shoulder and he has an arm wrapped around her]

6.7M likes 4.8M retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial

omg delete this i have a reputation to uphold

20/20 @vision

In reply to @scarletwitch and @SMOfficial

I think it’s a nice pic

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial and @vision

… change of plans peter you can keep the pic up

jen @r0tten

attention all ScarletVision shippers: say “Thank you Spider-Man for the wonderful supply of content”

14.5k likes 9.8k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @r0tten

;-D

serenity @peacey

i love how bucky literally came out as gay and nobody even batted an eyelid

65.7k likes 21.6k retweets

strongest avenger @thorodinson

still can’t believe Loki faked his death.

342k likes 175k retweets

moms favourite @loki

In reply to @thorodinson

omg you’re still whining about that? it’s been like a year

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @loki

tattoos are forever, loki!!! i have your name permanently on my frickin a r m

moms favourite @loki

In reply to @thorodinson

that’s not my fault!

20/20 @vision

In reply to @thorodinson and @loki

…did thor just say frick??

moms favourite @loki

In reply to @vision

i honestly think he physically cannot swear

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @vision and @loki

lying again!! you never stop!! >:(

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @thorodinson

say fuck.

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @scarletwitch

…

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

thor makes me so soft… so good… the Best Person…

2.3M likes 1.5M retweets

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

:/

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

:/

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds

***ONE of the Best People. simply typo. i’m lov u

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

Better.

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

:)

Tomato Lasagna @69imabigot69

the fuck is going on?? we have gays as superheroes now?? what a way to fucking ruin our line of defence.

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @69imabigot69

there are literally interspecies relationships and aliens on our team and you’re worried about sexuality??? of all things??? yikes

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @cbarton and @69imabigot69

there is literally a Gamma Radiated Green Mutant shifting man in a relationship with a God and a Valkyrie

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton and @69imabigot69

i am literally almost a hundred years old and look like i’m twenty (dermatologists hate me)

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @cbarton and @69imabigot69

wanda’s dating a toaster.

20/20 @vision

In reply to @pietromaximoff

ya

strongest avenger @thorodinson

i just drank 4 bottles of vodka straight

562k likes 436k retweets

not a goddess but should be @valkyrie

In reply to @thorodinson

nice.

actual strongest avenger @drbanner

In reply to @thorodinson and @valkyrie

NOT ‘nice’! For fucks sake, we’ve talked about impulse control already

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @drbanner

but... tastes good...

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @thorodinson

2 shots of vodka

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

hi! my name is peter b parker :) the b stands for Biggest Fucking Dumbass

1.3M likes 1M retweet

ms maximoff pls @steponmyneck

In reply to @SMOfficial

i mean Big Mood but what happened??

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @steponmyneck

was walking around and staring at my phone in the living room. mr stark came in.

ms maximoff pls @steponmyneck

In reply to @SMOfficial

??? what’s dumb about that?

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @steponmyneck

apparently i thought the fucking ceiling was the floor. i has been walking on the ceiling for 20 minutes. mr stark scared me and i fell and hurt my leg >:-|

gerard @notawayshush

In reply to @SMOfficial

!! are you okay??!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @notawayshush

ya i’m fine now lol. currently half-Legless but everything will be back to normal shortly

seven @ringswasntthatgood

what the fuck why is spider-man missing a leg rn???!!! what?!!?!?

21.4k likes 18.9k retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @ringswasntthatgood

you must be new here huh.

20/20 @vision

good lord help me

143k likes 89.7k retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @vision

what’s wrong bb

20/20 @vision

In reply to @scarletwitch

you look too lovely today, that shouldn’t be allowed

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

for anyone wondering, wanda face planted into the kitchen table after reading vision’s compliment. love that for her

jen @r0tten

the avengers really said ScarletVision rights huh

54k likes 37k retweets

nat could get it @anydayoftheweek

In reply to @r0tten

i’m not saying ScarletVision is adorable but,,, MAYBE straights deserve rights…

Chapter Text

New York Post @NYPost

If spiders worked together, they could eat all of humankind within a year

1.3M likes 2.6M retweets

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @NYPost

@SMOfficial look

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @NYPost and @blackwidow

and i oop—

caw caw @samwilson

ever since that goddamn news article i’ve caught peter and nat staring at me hungrily multiple times… if i stop posting assume i’ve been vored

452.1k likes 313k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @samwilson

hey karen, how edible are falcons?

Karen @SpideyAI

In reply to @SMOfficial

Falcons are a protected species in America. While they are edible, it would be unwise to eat them as you would be breaking the law.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @SpideyAI

i am the law, karen

caw caw @samwilson

In reply to @SMOfficial

1) no you most certainly are NOT and 2) you actually made your AI a twitter??

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @samwilson

[attached: a picture of kim kardashian, subtitles on the bottom of the picture saying “it’s what she deserves”]

wanda @scarletwitch

officially disowning one (1) pietro maximoff. i can’t believe this. unbelievable.

452.1k likes 213k retweets

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @scarletwitch

omg you’re actually so dramatic

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @pietromaximoff

i am reacting in a perfectly reasonable way you fucking Sega ripoff

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @scarletwitch

it really IS NOT as big a deal as you’re making it out to be

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @pietromaximoff

you’ve been collecting pokemon cards for like 2 years, KNOWING how much i fucking love them!! those were MY thing!!!

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @scarletwitch

oh i’m sorry, i didn’t realise you OWNED NINTENDO NOW. STOP GATEKEEPING U MELODRAMATIC WHORE

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @scarletwitch and @pietromaximoff

i live for the drama omg

IronDad @iamironman

The amount of messages I get pertaining to Peter is unbelievable. You’re all Whipped for my son and idk how i feel about it

3.7M likes 1.3M retweets

sesame @streetgang

In reply to @iamironman

everytime tony calls peter his son i feel my heart clench and i’m reminded that there are people with dads who love them :’)

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @streetgang

who’d’ve thought all it would take would be to lose two other father figures in my life lol

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial and @streetgang

3rd time’s the charm.

Cap @steverogers

Went and did a talk at an elementary school today. Took questions, expecting to get stuff like ‘what was it like in ___’ like usual. Instead, got an 8 y/o that asked “what was it like living in black and white?”

6.2M likes 3.2M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @steverogers

i’m sorry for your scalp

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

[attached: a video shot by peter in the living room of Stark Tower. the room is dark and the only light source is the tv. shuri is in frame, along with the screen. the tv is playing Dr Phil and Shuri is very over-exaggeratedly screaming and cheering as Dr Phil takes his suit jacket off. the camera is slightly shaking, as peter is laughing behind it. the video cuts off mid-scream.]

4.3M likes 2.1M retweets

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

sometimes i wish i understood what the fuck you two are doing but tbh i think it’s best if i don’t.

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @iamironman

tbh. i mean,, look what they did to bucky.

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

drink your yee-yee juice and keep me OFF your timeline u plucked ostrich

Chapter Text

“You move like a slap bracelet.”

Peter looked away from the screen of the tv, spoon still stuck in his mouth. The look of confusion was evident though, as his brows furrowed. He hummed inquisitively, only barely able to be heard over the tv.

Shuri heard just fine though, and simply nodded matter-of-factly, confident in her conclusion. She was a very confident girl and Peter loved that, but it didn’t help Peter understand what in the everloving fuck she was talking about right now.

He removed the spoon from his mouth, putting it back into the tub of Ben and Jerry’s until after he found out why Shuri had come to the conclusion about him that she had. He turned around slightly, positioning his body to face hers on the other side of the couch, slightly hindered by all of the blankets surrounding him. She met his gaze head on, face perfectly stoic and serious. He hoped his mirrored hers but he knew it probably didn’t.

“Shuri…” He started off “what the fuck are you talking about?”

Shuri looked at him like he was dumb.

Maybe he was. He reasoned.

“I saw you hugging Ned and MJ goodbye earlier. When they hugged you, your arms snapped up to their sides, like a slap bracelet.”

“... Maybe so.”

With that, they turned back to the tv, watching in companionable silence once again. Peter was now halfway done with his pint of ice cream. It melted a bit during their conversation but it still tasted good. At least he didn’t have to hack away at it now.

“Hey, Shuri?”

“Hmm?”

“Remember when your brother got Approved to be my new dad and you said we could have a forever sleepover?”

“Yeah?”

“... That could still happen… If I ever needed it, right?”

“Duh.”

“Nice.”

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

no offence but,,,, the Avengers… aren’t that Smart.

2.3M likes 1.7M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

we all share one singular brain cell and most of the time it’s with nat

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes

ya

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

one week B)

[ attached: a picture of a piece of paper on a glass table. the paper has the words “kaylin and chris’s wedding 24/01/19” written messily in black ink. there also seems to be an address to the venue and a time but they have blurred out. ]

3.7M likes 2.7M retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @SMOfficial

so you actually weren’t just making it up for clout wow

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

is there a plus one

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes

plus two**

bucky @jamesbarnes

sick and TIRED of y’all using me as an extension of steve. i ain’t his babysitter and he isn’t the one single good thing in my life! fuck y’all who think i’m just “captain america’s friend”. i’m bucky fucking barnes, bitch!!!!!!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @jamesbarnes

omg yes go off!!!

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

i think i may be in love with you

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

as you should be.

To say Peter didn’t like suits would be an understatement, but he was a respectable young man and therefore would wear the appropriate clothing that best fit the dress code for the event he was attending.

That event being a wedding, of course. Kaylin’s wedding to be precise. Peter did not back out on promises, especially pinkie promises. Aunt May told him when he was five that if you backed out of a pinkie promise then your pinkie would be chopped off.

Granted, Peter would be able to regrow it in around 20 minutes, and he’s handled worse cases of mutilation, but still. He’d feel like a right asshole.

Shuri and Bucky had made good of their own promises, both having gotten dressed up as well. After they had both expressed a want to attend, Peter had dm’ed Kaylin and asked for permission. She, like any other human being, was extremely excited by the prospect of two more superheroes showing up to her wedding to eat food and dance.

“I call dibs on the bouquet,” Peter murmured, as the reception began. Shuri snorted in reply.

“You are as big as my pinkie finger, I highly doubt you’ll be able to catch it.”

“I can put him on my shoulders,” Bucky piped up, noting the -maybe slightly exaggerated- crestfallen look on Peter’s face. Peter looked thoughtful for a moment.

“I could just yeet everyone out of my way…” He trailed off, obviously thinking of multiple scenarios. “Or just yoink the bouquet with my webs.”

“Silly String.”

“Fuck off.” Peter snapped noncommittally, eyes moving away from Shuri towards Kaylin, the bride, who was making her way over to them. She took a few moments longer than others would, as she had to manoeuvre her dress so as not to let it get stepped on by the many people mingling around.

The minute she reached them, she gave Peter a tight hug, which Peter returned. She only had a fuzzy memory of the night she invited him, seeing as she had been absolutely smashed, but when Spider-Man dm’s you saying he’s coming to your wedding, you don’t ask questions. You must accept the gifts God gives you, especially if they’re in the form of a teenage boy with a heart bigger than his body and tendency to amputate himself in his spare time.

Shuri and Bucky also got hugs, Kaylin jumping slightly as Bucky’s arm made contact with her exposed shoulders, it was very cold.

“You have no idea how glad I am that you made it!” Kaylin practically beamed, and Peter felt his face heat up. He wasn’t very good with these kinds of social situations, but luckily he managed to scrape by anyways.

“I’m glad to be here,” He grinned, albeit slightly awkwardly - Kaylin didn’t seem to notice so it was fine, really -, Shuri and Bucky backing him up with noises of agreement.

“It’s a pleasure to be able to witness and share you and your husband’s special day,” Bucky smiled, very clearly well-versed in stuff like this. All the charity work must have been excellent practice.

“What type of cake do you have?” Shuri bluntly asked, completely ruining the mood. Peter turned to nudge her, to tell her she can’t say that, but Kaylin took it in stride, having that starstruck look in her eyes so many people tend to have around them.

“Well, each layer’s different!” She laughed and her and Shuri left to go to said cake, Kaylin telling her the flavours and what not. Shuri just wanted cake, Peter couldn’t really fault her for it to be honest, it looked good.

With Kaylin and Shuri gone, Bucky and Peter busied themselves with talking to the others at the wedding, everyone eager to have the chance to talk to and get pictures with the two Avengers.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

i told nick this was PR work but it wasn’t :p

[attached: a selfie of Peter and Kaylin at the wedding reception. Kaylin has changed from her wedding dress to a shorter white dress, the lighting suggests it may have been so she could dance better to the music playing. There are people behind them dancing and chatting. Both of them are smiling.]

8.9M likes 7.8M retweets

Chapter Text

parker stan #1 @spiderhoe

not to be a buzzkill, but does anyone else find it weird that bucky is hanging out so much with peter?? a literal minor??

1.2k likes 653 retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @spiderhoe

i pretty much threw up in my mouth at what you’re hinting at in this tweet so i hope that answers whatever fucked up shit you’re wondering

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @spiderhoe

are you actually fucking serious. i can’t be friends with someone just because they’re older and as a result their intentions MUST not be “uwu pure and nice”? NEWS FLASH: you don’t know nearly as much as you think and you are in no position to throw around accusations like this.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @spiderhoe

i can be friends with whoever i want, no matter their age. just because they’re older does not mean they are inherently predatory for being my friend. bucky won’t even entertain the idea of talking about nsfw stuff with me, so that should give you a good idea of his intentions.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @spiderhoe

shuri, bucky and i all bonded over the fact we’re all queer and have been best friends since, that’s literally all there is to our relationship. we’re a bunch of stupid gays just goofing around.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @spiderhoe

and honestly? as someone who IS LITERALLY A SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVOR it’s pretty insulting for you to insinuate that someone who i literally trust with my life is ANYTHING like the monster who hurt me. f u c k   o f f.

Cap @steverogers

i’ve helped raise an icon

[attached: screenshots of peter’s tweets responding to @spiderhoe.]

2.4M likes 3.7M retweets

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @steverogers

[attached: a picture of someone crying and surrounded by heart emojis]

joslyn @roslynivory

i love how peter just manages to bring out the Softness of the avengers. quite Iconic.

231k likes 198.9k retweets

bonbon @freddiebear

In reply to @roslynivory

he also manages to bring out the Relatability. i no longer see superheroes as Higher than humans by default. they’re trash fires like the rest of us.

joslyn @roslynivory

In reply to @freddiebear

amen sisss

josie @sunnywinters

god i will never get tired of peter SNAPPING and defending his friends it really makes me go uwu

24k likes 16.3k retweets

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @sunnywinters

same tbh

bucky  @jamesbarnes

auditioned for the main role in life and ended up with the second role but you can bet i’m still the fan favourite babie!!!

3.6M likes 2.1M retweets

the wasp @hopevandyne

first time i met peter he showed me the bee movie because “miss van dyne, it’s you!!”. i’ve sworn an oath to protect him with my life ever since.

781k likes 541k retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @hopevandyne

join the fuckin club

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @hopevandyne and @scarletwitch

sensing a lot of jealousy ooooo

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @pietromaximoff

MY boy :(

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @scarletwitch and @hopevandyne

im lov the both of u

Chapter Text

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

oh my god this is actually the day i die

2.9M likes 1.7M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

lol what happened this time

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @jamesbarnes

thor,,,, h e …,. He…

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes

bitch fuckin spit it out

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

shirtle ss..,, hhhh ches st. abs,,,,... aRM S

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

i’m fuckifn dyi ng skSKSJSKKSKS

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

… my son is a Disaster

Cap @steverogers

In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman

He takes after you

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @steverogers

you shut your FUCKING mouth

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

y’all remember when you were in middle school and you’d read like an entire book in one evening? i miss that.

4.8M likes 3.1M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @SMOfficial

ned bought me a book he thought i’d like. i’ve been reading for a week and i’m on chapter 2.

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial

ugh mood

Sharon S. @sharonseffinfield

Anyone else find it kind of unprofessional for SpiderMan to be using his official twitter handle the way he does?

1.8k likes 643 retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @sharonseffinfield

i’m literally a superhuman who helps save the world i can do whatever i want with my twitter sharon

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

so many people always asking me “how can i save the world like you?” the answer: pick up trash… clean your local beach… stop supporting major companies who do nothing to stop or reduce the negative impact they have on the earth… be a Good Person and save the goddamn earth

10.8M likes 8.9M retweets

supernerd @3picgam3r69

In reply to @SMOfficial

your dad is literally tony stark

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @3picgam3r69

and he’s the #1 billionaire in the world fighting against climate change and creating technology to reduce the effects of global warming. what’s your point.

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @3picgam3r69 and @SMOfficial

lol i think he thought he had an argument

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @nedleeds

tragic.

cli(n)t @cbarton

we’re all literally highly trained assassins/special agents/mutants yet we got fans that act like we’re the jonas brothers

786k likes 601k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @cbarton

kind of iconic if you ask me

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

it has been 2 days since i last saw my bf n gf irl so, as expected, i will be jumping out of the highest window of stark tower :)

2.6M likes 1.8M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @SMOfficial

i miss them :-(

Cap @steverogers

In reply to @SMOfficial

Why not invite them over for dinner tomorrow?

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @steverogers

ew no you and mr.stark will be Gross and In Love at the dinner table in front of them

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

i’m actually in shock from the Disrespect. wow.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

pls don’t ground me i’m sorry

wanda @scarletwitch

lol peters been grounded by the SuperDads if any of y’all were wondering.

876k likes 431k retweets

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @scarletwitch

shuri’ll probably sneak in somehow and keep him company, he’ll be fine

bucky @jamesbarnes

brb bouta fight God in a wendy’s parking lot

1.9M likes 782k retweets

Wendy’s @Wendys

In reply to @jamesbarnes

which restaurant? we’ll provide refreshments x

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @Wendys

this is the best day of my life wendy’s just noticed me

cli(n)t @cbarton

bucky got noticed by wendy’s without needing to even @ them and i can’t even get a text back

569k likes 419k retweets

Chapter Text

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

sure i wear a thong in my spidey suit, but not for the reasons y’all think. i just like to feel good in myself lol

4.9M likes 3.2M retweets

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

nice. 

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

nice. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

met a dude called quentin beck while on patrol. nice guy, he gave me his ice lolly as a thank you for saving him ^-^

[attached: a selfie of peter, still suited but without his mask, and quentin. peter’s holding an ice lolly in the hand not holding the phone.]

3.8M likes 2.1M retweets

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

is that— you know what, nvm

cap @steverogers

In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman

better to just let him do his thing, love. 

ready to sink @withmyship

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[attached: two screenshots. first is a screenshot of tony and steve’s previous interaction. second is a zoom in on steve’s reply, specifically the word “love”]

121k likes 54.8k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

people really be fangirling over my Father and his bf. blech old people in love makes me barf. like go take a nap grandpa smh

2.9M likes 2.1M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

you literally have an intense crush on an ancient god lol

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @jamesbarnes

*ariana grande accent* and what about it

bucky @jamesbarnes

clint: i have aids. 

me: *having an aneurysm* w h a t

clint: *opens hand to reveal hearing aids*

3.2M likes 2.1M retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

you should see me rn i’m fingergunning you so hard

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

i wish i was still brainwashed. 

wanda @scarletwitch

peter why do you bother with the mask when we all know who u are now

2.7M likes 1.9M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @scarletwitch

cuz it makes me feel cool B)

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial

that’s fair

Natasha didn’t expect for the book she wanted to read in the living room bookshelf to be full of pressed flowers but that was what God intended for her apparently. 

She watched as they slid out from the pages onto the ground at her feet, face stoic. While at first slight confusing, it really wasn’t the strangest thing to happen while living in Stark Tower. It just seemed slightly out of place for an array of - quite expertly colour-coordinated, to be honest - flowers to be residing in Naked Lunch of all books. 

“Who in the actual fuck is making an aesthetic project in the pages of my book?” She called out, eyes still focused on the pile of flowers scattered across the floor. She looked up at the sound of a loud - kind of dramatic - gasp, seeing Peter standing in the doorway and also staring at the flowers. 

Time seemed to halt for all of two seconds, before Peter helped out a quiet, dismayed “No!” and rushed forward, crouching down to delicately begin picking up the flowers. Natasha watched for a few moments, stepping back half a step to give him space to pick up his belongings. 

“I take it these are yours, then?” She mused, to which Peter hummed, standing up now having collected them all. He had pulled the bottom of his shirt away from his body, making somewhat of a pouch to place and hold the flowers when he realised there wasn’t enough room in his hands to hold them without crushing them. He looked back up at the redhead, eyes and expression suddenly very serious. 

“Yes.” He stated “And I put a lot of effort into getting them, so I didn’t want them to just waste away and die, so I killed them anyways but preserved their corpses.”

Natasha nodded in understanding “Ah.”

“I’m gonna go put these in one of my own books, sorry for putting them in yours, it was just the first one I grabbed. Enjoy your reading!”

“Bye Pete, have fun with your corpses.”

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

hmmnnnnggg coo k ie gruuhghrkll

4.8M likes 2.1M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

are you seriously hungry at 4:30am. reevaluate your Everything 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

my healing factor makes me burn through calories faster oKAY LEAVE ME ALONE HOE

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

i’M ENTITLED TO MY OPINION YOU LITERAL DISASTER

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

YOURE ALSO ENTITLED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess

can y’all stop screaming omg you’re so loud. ur literally more annoying than clint rn

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

ouch

Chapter Text

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

sometimes you just gotta stare at a wall for 20 solid minutes to truly Understand why people are Awful. 

4.8M likes 2.3M retweets

weronika @twovees

In reply to @SMOfficial

are you okay??

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @twovees

haha. no. 

wanda @scarletwitch

before anyone takes this peter situation too far, he was angry that clint burned down his minecraft house pls calm down

1.8M likes 1M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @scarletwitch

wow clint is the fucking Worst

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

bucky please

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton 

ur username sure is fitting considering you’re an absolute TWAT smh

Cap @steverogers

In reply to @cbarton and @jamesbarnes

BUCKY

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

i’m okay now. shuri helped me rebuild it n me, her, mj and ned all spent hours on video call :) i love my friends <3

3.9M likes 2.1M retweets

PewDiePie @pewdiepie

.@SMOfficial heard you like minecraft. 

2.9M likes 2.3M retweets

jen @r0tten

In reply to @pewdiepie

is it,,,, OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING ISNT IT

WATER @MELONBOI

In reply to @pewdiepie

THE FUCKING CROSSOVER OF THE CENTURY

dark @StarryNitE

In reply to @pewdiepie

oh god please let this actually be happening. i’m begging. 

Tony sat at the kitchen island, mug of coffee in one hand, the other scrolling on the tablet in front of him, reading up on the news of what was happening. Steve was busy fixing up breakfast for those already awake in the tower. 

He glanced up at the blond, who’s back was currently to him, and couldn’t stop the fond grin as he completely focused on his task. He didn’t expect to ever be able to claim that a literal super-soldier had a passion for cooking, but here they were. 

It was quiet, something he knew Pepper was grateful for, the woman not sitting at the island, preferring the actual table situated just slightly further across the kitchen. 

Well, it was quiet. 

Until a loud screech came from Peter’s room, loud enough to travel downstairs. Everyone currently awake immediately stiffened, perking up to see if what happened warranted them kicking some criminal ass to protect the best boy. They were able to relax though, as Peter followed his scream with an equally loud sentence. 

“PEWDIEPIE JUST FUCKING @‘D ME!”

bucky @jamesbarnes

did i ever tell y’all that steve is a great cook? cuz he’s a  g r e a t cook. wow. 

1.9M likes 981k retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

did he cook you up a love life

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

idk did he cook u up a personality that’s actually likeable 

cli(n)t @cbarton

he wasn’t supposed to reply that way :/

[ attached: a screenshot of the earlier conversation ]

872k likes 634.1k retweets

joey @jonas

In reply to @cbarton

what was he supposed to say?

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jonas

i had it all planned out! he was supposed to say ‘no’ and then i’d say ‘well would u like one ;)’ and then we’d live happily ever after

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

i wish you would jump off a cliff on a far off planet several galaxies away

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @jamesbarnes and @cbarton

why did i get deja vu reading bucky’s tweet? for real made me shiver

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

what if,,,, the world,,, spun,,,,

3.9M likes 2.1M retweets

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

it does. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones

wait really

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial and @michellejones

sure does pete

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @nedleeds

whoa

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds

you’re both so smart i love u more than anything in this world. more than like,,, thor’s biceps, even

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

damn, that’s a lot. 

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

we love you too, petey. but are you okay lol

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @nedleeds

i haven’t slept in like 31 hours i can smell colours. 

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

jesus christ ok we’re coming

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial and @michellejones

we’ll have a nap date!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones and @nedleeds

god blue smells so fucking good no cap (NOT talking about captain america. i never want to have no him. he’s too nice)

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

i just slept for 14 hours but it’s okay cuz mj n ned are here <3

3.2M likes 2.9M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

sometimes i forget that carol danvers is legally my mom lol jk i would NEVER forget that. it fills me with glee every second of the day

4.7M likes 3.2M retweets

frEE @oatmeal

In reply to @SMOfficial

wait the adoption paper thing wasn’t a joke??

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

In reply to @oatmeal

duh

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @oatmeal

it wasn’t!! shes the BEST <3

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

In reply to @SMOfficial

i love my son 

cap @steverogers

hey @iamironman i love you. 

7.8M likes 4.2M retweets

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @steverogers

i love you too you nerd

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

i’m not sure whether my dad’s are cute or gross and at this point i’m too afraid to ask myself

4.7M likes 3.2M retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

pietro stop stealing the fucking poptarts challenge 

3.2M likes 2.1M retweets

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @scarletwitch

but they taste good 

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @pietromaximoff

exactly why you stop fucking stealing them. i want some you bitch

Baby to: Darling

Baby: i can go out and get some more if you want some

Darling: god i fucking adore you. pls do, and don’t let pietro anywhere near them pls

Baby: noted <3 you want strawberry, as per usual, i’m assuming?

Darling: yes please, but it’s okay if they don’t have those ones, any are fine really 

Baby: i’ll see what i can do xx

Darling: be safe xx

Chapter Text

bucky @jamesbarnes

oh my god i just realised something

1.9M likes 976k retweets

summer @suplex

In reply to @jamesbarnes

what’s that?

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @suplex

i’m clint’s sam,,, n clint is my bucky,,,

mr loki pls @stabmethnx

In reply to @jamesbarnes

sksksjsksk hows that work then

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @stabmethnx

i annoy sam,, clint annoys me,,, sam hates me,,, i hate clint,,,

mr loki pls @stabmethnx

In reply to @jamesbarnes

but sam doesn’t HATE hate you tho

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @stabmethnx

that’s the only difference

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

yknow you sure do talk about me a lot for someone who hates me 

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

actually choke

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

i’m not gonna stop you from doing that, don’t use the metal arm tho. that’s too cold. i’d prefer the skin on skin action ;P

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

i will steal your urinary tract

IronDad @iamironman

if one more person forgets to refill the coffee machine,,, i will actually nuke the tower while i’m still in it

3.2M likes 2.7M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

my life is a found family fanfiction with a dab of romance and a splash of coming of age

2.7M likes 2.4M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

where’s loki i miss loki it’s been like 5 days without seeing him WHERE IS HE

4.6M likes 3.2M retweets

moms favourite @loki

In reply to @SMOfficial

it’s safe to say i have never felt more appreciated by someone

SpiderKid @SMOffical

In reply to @loki

<33

mr rogers love me challenge @capstan

In reply to @SMOfficial and @loki

this might be the cutest shit i’ve ever seen

hilary @duffisanicon

okay but like,,, honestly peter is so sweet and wonderful? what did we do to deserve such a blessing in our lives??

8.6k likes 4.2k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @duffisanicon

sksjsjsksksk this is the sweetest thing ever!!!!!!!! thank you so so so much!!!!!! UGH ur iconic!!!! <3 <3

strongest avenger @thorodinson

can’t believe i’m confused again. unbelievable. will be contacting my lawyer immediately. 

2.9M likes 1.9M retweets

actual strongest avenger @drbanner

In reply to @thorodinson

you’ve been spending time with peter again haven’t you

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @drbanner

yes!!! he’s very funny and sweet :)

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @thorodinson and @drbannee

*guttural, scratchy screams, like those of a velociraptor*

bucky @jamesbarnes

me: want to see a magic trick? 

kid: yea!

me: *removes arm*

kid: *cries*

3.5M likes 2.8M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @jamesbarnes

ungrateful little bitch

cap @steverogers

In reply to @jamesbarnes 

bucky no—

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

water tastes so fucking good,,, need m ore

2.1M likes 1.8M reblogs

winona @missplease

In reply to @SMOfficial

spidey is HydroHomie conformed

reminding you to drink water @drinkwaterslut

In reply to @SMOfficial and @missplease

an unexpected Ally, but a welcome one

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

:) Happy 25mil followers (well, 37mil now but u get the point)

[attached: a link to a youtube video, uploaded by PewDiePie. the title is ‘I Found SPIDER-MAN In Minecraft?! (Not Fake)’. the thumbnail has a picture of Peter laughing, headset on and seeming to be sitting on a PewDiePie gaming chair, as the headrest is slightly in view, on the left, with Felix looking shocked with wide eyes and an open mouth on the right side. the pictures are masked over an image of a minecraft creation, a replica of Ikea Tower, but Spider-Man themed, with red, blue and black rather than cobblestone and Swedish.]

10.8M likes 8.6M retweets

jen @r0tten

In reply to @SMOfficial

AAAASHAJAKSHAHKKLALAKALAL

josh loves the avengers @joshtop

In reply to @SMOfficial

IT HAPPENED OH MY GOD 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

we all praise tony for being my Dad… but what about clint :( he is father to Two superpowered orphans, rather than just one. appreciate him >:-(

7.1M likes 4.6M retweets

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @SMOfficial

.@cbarton love u dad

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial and @pietromaximoff

ya

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @SMOfficial, @pietromaximoff and @scarletwitch

:)

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

… okay maybe he deserves some praise for that,,, wanda and pietro are pretty Iconic

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

!!!!!! :D

cli(n)t @cbarton

this is the best day of my life

[attached: a screenshot of bucky’s previous tweet]

2.1M likes 1.3M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

ill skin ur liver

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

one step forward two steps back i guess :(

mj @michellejones

lol i lost my chapstick under the sofa so peter’s first instinct was to lift the entire thing up with one arm so i could get it. so thoughtful. 

1.8M likes 1.2M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones

i stronk 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

i don’t want responsibilities anymore. just want video game >:I singular. no plural. game. 

3.2M likes 3M retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @SMOfficial

we can play mario kart if u want

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @cbarton

pls n thank u

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

ran into mr beck again! what are the odds! no need to save him this time tho, luckily! we had a good time catching up tho! he’s got great taste in candy and is real smart!

2.1M likes 1.7M retweets

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

kid,,, pls

caw caw @samwilson

bucky ate all of the cinnamon toast crunch i’m going to commit an actual murder

1.4M likes 892k retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @samwilson

u will have to catch me first. i am fast. 

ms maximoff pls @steponmyneck

ugh wanda is just so pretty,,, i want to braid flowers into her hair while soft classical music plays in the background and rain platters against the window,,,,

1M likes 765k retweets

20/20 @vision

In reply to @steponmyneck

ugh mood.

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @vision

KSHSSKSKKSKLKL

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

me n aunty nat are starting a book club reply with ‘stonks’ if u r available and want to join

2.7M likes 2.2M retweets

caw caw @samwilson

In reply to @SMOfficial

stonks

actual strongest avenger @drbanner

In reply to @SMOfficial

stonks

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

In reply to @SMOfficial

stonks 

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

stonks 

King T’Challa @blackpanther

In reply to @SMOfficial

stonks 

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

stonks 

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @SMOfficial

stonks

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton and @SMOfficial

nvm i withdraw my stonks

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @SMOfficial and @jamesbarnes

why must u break my heart this way

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

wikihow to stop headache and sore throat 

3.2M likes 2.1M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

kill to take mind off it

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

good idea, will take into consideration ty

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

srsly tho, do u want to come over for a movie night? @jamesbarnes too

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

yes pls 

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess

omw

Chapter Text

Peter burrowed deeper into the copious amount of blanket he was currently underneath, sniffling miserably. He had his eyes shut, the light having decided that it wanted to blind him should he even dare to open them. 

Can’t protect the world from potential threats if you can’t see. 

Although there is that one guy… Oh well, Peter wouldn’t be very good at being blind, if the tears pricking his vision at the thought of forgetting how beauty of the people in his life were anything to go by. 

He didn’t want pinkeye, so he was very glad that no tears escaped before he could blink them away. Soggy pillows were no fun. 

A hand was suddenly tugging at his blankets from the outside, trying to pull them off. Peter moaned in protest, yanking them over his head. The hands outside pulled futilely. 

Super-strength, gotta love it. 

“Peter for the love of fuck—”

Oh, it was Shuri. Still, light was bad, he didn’t want to move, so he did what he needed to try and get her to go away. 

Shuri was silent for a few beats, confused no doubt, hands having halted in their efforts “Did you just fucking hiss at me?”

Peter simply responded with a miserable groan, nasally due to the fact that his sinuses felt like they’d been stuffed with cotton. He snuggled further into his bed, sniffing. “No.” He grumbled. 

“Sure fucking sounded like it.”

“No,” Peter huffed “It was my… Creeper impression.”

“Mm-hm.”

“It was! Gonna- Gonna cosplay . Go to minecon or something. You should be a cat, the black one with the white paws? Black cat, like your brother, but you’re cooler.” He hoped his compliment might help distract her from the fact that he was babbling, trying to prolong the amount of time he had in the safe confines of his blankets. 

Of course, Shuri was smart, so she didn’t humour him. 

“Peter, c’mon. I know you’re sick, but you said you were coming over to Wakanda with Bucky and I. He’s waiting all on his own in the plane.”

She was met with another muffled groan, this time more on the whiny side. She rolled her eyes, pulling harder against the blankets but to no avail. She could feel her feet slipping on the floor as she strained but it didn’t even budge from the teen boy’s grip. Shuri decided she had enough. 

“Get your ass out of bed, you little shit. Or I’ll send Thor screenshots of you thirsting over him in our group chat.” That seemed to get the right reaction, as Shuri found herself landing flat on her butt, blankets following her. Peter had let go of them unannounced, pushing himself to sit up. 

He looked a mess, no doubt about it, hair like a bird’s nest, eyes bloodshot and tired, indents on his face from having it pressed into the bed sheets and pillows for so long. He did not look like the Spidey his copious amounts of social media followers fawned over. He fixed Shuri with a glare, who merely raised an eyebrow from her spot on the floor. 

“You wouldn’t dare.” Peter stated, although the look on his face showed he maybe didn’t believe what he was saying. 

Shuri grinned, eyes nowhere near as hard as they were moments ago, taking Peter by surprise for a few seconds at the sudden change. 

“You’re right,” She agreed “I wouldn’t. Now let’s go.”

wanda @scarletwitch

y’all sleeping on frozen yogurt this shit bomb 

2.1M likes 1.2M retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @scarletwitch

you’re eating my frozen yogurt aren’t you. 

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @cbarton

… mayhaps…

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @scarletwitch

… ffs. 

bucky @jamesbarnes

accidentally in love is the SUPERIOR shrek song,,, n that’s just the fucking tea. argue with me i dare u. 

3.8M likes 2.1M retweets

amy @ynpersonified

In reply to @jamesbarnes

I have to disagree. Holding Out for A Hero outranks all songs from the shrek franchise. 

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @ynpersonified

hm. this is the only argument i will consider. 

dr strange? more like dr daddy @ilystephen

wait,,, are bucky peter and shuri watching the shrek franchise? Icons. 

5.2k likes 2.3k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @ilystephen

yes. it is so much better than i remember it. 

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @ilystephen and @SMOfficial

he cried when shrek told fiona she was beautiful as an ogre lol

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

i’m sick ok i’m allowed to be emotional fuck u

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @wakandanprincess and @SMOfficial

she’s got a point tho pete,,, like,,, mega oof 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @jamesbarnes

WOW some bff u r >:-( betrayin me. heartbroken. i am cryin. sobbin. tears,,, they r fallin,,

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

i am literally sitting right beside u

[attached: a stealthy picture taken of peter, he is staring at his phone completely stone-faced, there is no trace of tears]

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @jamesbarnes

i’m suing u for posting that without my consent u bitch

cli(n)t @cbarton

the fact that such a large amount of people hate me really does keep me humble. thanks for that. haha!

2.1M likes 1.7M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

msg me. 

Annoyance to: Bucko 

Annoyance: why did u want me to message u

Bucko: dont play dumb. what’s wrong, what made u tweet that.

Annoyance: idk. just seems like my mentions are just full of people who Do Not like me. 

Annoyance: ik i can be like,, annoying and immature but like, it kind of sucks tbh

Annoyance: idk why tf i posted about it tho. shouldn’t be anyone else’s problem, you guys shouldn’t have to worry bout that. 

Bucko: what if we want to tho. we care about you clint. 

Annoyance: you don’t really make it seem like it

Bucko: i’m sorry if i made it seem like i don’t care about you, i promise i do. i care a lot. i’ll stop treating you like that if it’s hurting you

Annoyance: no, it’s fine. i was going for a low blow tbh, idk why i did that. sorry. i don’t mind, promise. sorry. 

Bucko: it’s okay. 

Annoyance: i just— i wish i was appreciated by the world as much as you and the others. ik i’m a non-powered human, i’m nothing special so i get it, but like,,,

Bucko: nat’s a non-powered human, she not special either then? 

Annoyance: of course not!

Bucko: why are you any different?

Annoyance: i-

Annoyance: you little bitch

Bucko: i’m serious.

Annoyance: i know you are

Bucko: you ARE special clint. i’m sorry the world makes you think differently 

Annoyance: thank you

Bucko has changed Annoyance’s username to: Solntse

Bucko: more special than you know

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

i’ve decided i will die for mr beck should the need arise. he is so chaotic. he wears sunglasses indoors and honestly thats kinda Iconic of him. drank lemonade w him today, it was Tasty. 

3.7M likes 2.1M retweets

mysterious @quentinbeck

In reply to @SMOfficial

glad i’ve been lucky enough to have the coincidence of meeting you thrice! you’re a blessing :-)

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

i’m literally going to have a stroke.

cli(n)t @cbarton

what if… we put our minecraft beds next to each other… haha jkjk… unless,,

1.9M likes 1.3M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

mr stark pls stop buying me things i’m literally pleading w u at this point

4.6M likes 3.9M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @SMOfficial

for more context: 

me: wow i want dominos soooo bad

tony: leave it to me kid

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @SMOfficial

30 minutes later and, instead of pizza being dropped on my desk, it is some papers. what is on those papers you ask? oh nothing, just evidence of ownership of Domino’s addressed to peter parker aka ME . ffs mr stark i just wanted a 12” pepperoni pls idk how to run a company 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @SMOfficial

am i even old enough to own a company what the f u c k

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @SMOfficial

I will be expecting a discount for being the better twin

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial and @pietromaximoff

bitch fuck you. i BETTER be getting shit for free peter or so help me

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

:P

[attached: a selfie of peter, felix kjellberg and marzia kjellberg. felix is in a black suit, marzia in a pretty laced wedding dress. peter is at their wedding. they’re all smiling at the camera, peter in the centre but it’s obvious felix has his arm around marzia.]

6.7M likes 5.9M retweets

manny @nottbjzlbro

In reply to @SMOfficial

GOD i’m living for this friendship!!!

shuri @wakandanprincess

.@SMOfficial @jamesbarnes we should make up a dramatic Conflict between us and get on to Dr.Phil, i want to meet him

3.7M likes 3.1M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @wakandanprincess

lol i’m down for that

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess and @jamesbarnes

this is possibly the best idea you’ve ever had and that’s saying a Lot considering how smart you are

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @jamesbarnes and @SMOfficial

im not completely what our story will be, maybe some sort of love conflict those always get on for some reason. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess and @jamesbarnes

me n u are unbelievably in love with bucky to the point of physical combat and he is Worried so he writes in.

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @jamesbarnes and @SMOfficial

i love it. 

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @wakandanprincess and @SMOfficial

it’s also very believable as we all know i am a very pretty man who is loved by all. 

IronDad @iamironman

had a dream peter was gone. worst dream ever, considering building a wall around the entire wall to prevent dream from happening. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

i’m not going ANYWHERE mr stark! no need for a barrier lol

Chapter Text

bucky @jamesbarnes

weight loss tip: lose an arm

2.3M likes 1.8M retweets

cap @steverogers

In reply to @jamesbarnes

no.

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

shIT I NEVER BOUGHT A NINTENDO SWITCH I NEED ONE FOR WHEN POKEMON SWORD/SHIELD N ANIMAL CROSSING COME OUT FUCK

3.4M likes 2.1M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

oh shit same fuck--

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess

lol losers. how have you NOT got the switch yet?

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @jamesbarnes

idk how r u 100 years old and not got a bf yet

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess and @jamesbarnes

LMAOOOOOO

nat @blackwidow

my thighs hurt so bad owch

1.3M likes 987k likes

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

In reply to @blackwidow

let me help i have training in massage therapy 

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @captmarvel

no you Do Not

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

In reply to @blackwidow

ur right i don’t i just wanna caress your thighs pls let me do so ma’am 

nat @blackwidow 

In reply to @captmarvel

could have just said that come over :)

SpideyKid @SMOfficial

what the heck i leave twitter for ten minutes and suddenly i see that my Official Adopted Mom and Unofficial Adopted Aunt have gone off to frick or something what the hECK

2.1M likes 1M retweets

NYPost @NewYorkPost

The bite of the Brazilian wandering spider can cause long and painful erections, as well as other symptoms, in human males.

[attached: a link to an article about spider facts, a picture of a spider on a web also accompanies this.]

2.1M likes 1.2M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @NewYorkPost

.@nedleeds 

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

PETER SKSKKSKSKSLDSFJH

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial and @nedleeds

pretty sure ned's after having an aneurysm i think u might have killed him pete he's not moving

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones

uwu

IronDad @iamironman

i never want to see my kid talking about giving his bf an erection through biting EVER AGAIN he is BANNED from the internet for LIFE

2.2M likes 1.2M retweets

Clint Stan #1 @SerenitysFire98

.@cbarton pls never doubt urself u are so awesome and badass and important and so important to everyone especially those in the deaf community i!!! love you uwu

745.2k likes 654.9k retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @SerenitysFire98

i’m-- this is the nicest thing i’ve been told omg there are literal tears falling hhhh thank you.,,,,..

caw caw @samwilson

if peter hits me with his own amputated arm ONE MORE TIME i am leaving the avengers i did NOT sign up for this shit

1.8M likes 1.2M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @samwilson

but u always scream for like 30 seconds straight and its funny :(

caw caw @samwilson

In reply to @SMOfficial

thaT SHOULDN’T BE A REASON TO DO IT

bucky @jamesbarnes

clint log onto fucking minecraft already i need u to help me steal villagers from their homes

1.7M likes 1.2M retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

okay okay calm down jfc i’m logging on

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

wow i can’t believe bucky replaced me w clint as Designated MineCraft Buddy. i’m genuinely heartbroken why would he want clint he’s a griefer smh

2.3M likes 2M retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

i literally spent all night playing nintendogs and all i have to say is: should be more slots for dogs n cats. 

2.1M likes 1.7M retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @scarletwitch 

if i can’t have them all then what’s the point honestly. 

strongest avenger @thorodinson

uh oh big sad incoming

3.2M likes 2.1M retweets

not a goddess but should be @valkyrie

In reply to @thorodinson

you okay bb

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @valkyrie

idk :(

not a goddess but should be @valkyrie

In reply to @thorodinson

bruce is gonna be up to your room in a bit okay? 

strongest avenger @thorodinson

In reply to @valkyrie

i love you. 

not a goddess but should be @valkyrie

In reply to @thorodinson

i love you too

king ash @flaire

i hope thor’s alright :((

78k likes 42k retweets

actual strongest avenger @drbanner

In reply to @flaire

he will be, no worries

Peter sat in his gaming chair, playing MineCraft, as he so often did nowadays. He was really proud of how his base was coming along, and he had managed to collect a wide array of pets (none of which he brought with him when exploring because FUCK THAT he is NOT losing any of them) whom he adored dearly. He was currently fishing, which he had been doing for an hour or so, in order to get name tags for his many pets. He couldn’t be bothered to go looking for chests. 

He was brought out of his Intense Gaming Session by a ding on his phone, taking a quick glance, he saw it was a twitter notification. That meant it was likely important, for he only had Shuri, Bucky, Tony and Thor’s notifications on.

Okay, maybe not important considering Shuri and Bucky just liked to shitpost every ten minutes, but Peter was never one to pass up the Funny. 

Due to this, Peter paused his game, pushing out his chair a bit to grab his phone. It was a notification from Thor’s twitter. Peter remembered when Thor had posted shirtless pics from a photoshoot a month or two earlier. He had nearly had a stroke when he first saw them. He opened the notification faster than any notification before.

It was not a photoshoot.

Peter’s brows furrowed upon seeing the exchange between him and Valkyrie, growing more worried with each of Thor’s responses. Valkyrie’s message talking about Bruce made him remember that Thor was staying at Stark Tower for a week.

Without another moment’s thought, Peter got up, heading for Thor’s room. Even with the schoolkid-esque crush Peter harboured for him, he was also his friend, and Peter hated it when his friends were hurting. Besides, Bruce was out right now, it would take a while for him to come check on Thor.

Peter knocked gently on the door of Thor’s room, hearing a gruff ‘Come in’ after a few moments. He did so.

The God was sitting at the edge of his bed, hands interlocked with each other and gnawing on his lower lip. He looked up at the door opening, eyes soft when he saw it was Peter. He looked away again.

“Why are you here, Son of Stark?”

Peter suppressed the urge to huff at the name, the current situation making him more aware of how his actions may be taken by the God. He didn’t want Thor to feel he was annoyed with him.

“I saw you were upset,” He explained, leaning on the doorframe for a second before slowly moving into the room, closing the door with a gentle click as he did so.

Thor huffed a laugh, bringing a hand to rub down his face, ducking his head down, effectively shielding himself from the young man. “Yes, I suppose you did,” He mused, mirth in his grin which slowly fell again “Probably should have used the Direct Message feature.”

“Maybe.” Peter shrugged, moving to stand in front of Thor, putting his hands in his pockets “Why are you sad?”

Thor shook his head “You are a child, I will not burden you with whatever troubles I may be having, it wouldn’t be right to do so.”

“I literally fight crime.”

Thor glanced up at him, a sad smile now on his face “Still.”

A silence fell upon them for a moment, neither of them not quite knowing just what to say. Peter sighed, realising Thor was serious in not telling him. 

“Well,” His voice caused Thor to look up at him once more “If you’re not gonna tell me, want to just wait together? For Bruce to come? Company makes me feel better.”

Thor smiled “That doesn’t sound too bad.”

Peter grinned, sitting beside Thor at the edge of the bed. He contemplated for a moment before holding his hand out, palm up. Thor stared at it for a moment before slowly placing his own hand atop it, interlacing their fingers.

His hand was so much bigger in comparison to Peter’s. 

They sat like that for a while, Peter slightly leaning into Thor’s side, offering him all of the comfort his presence could possibly give him, his thumb lightly stroking the God’s hand.

It was around five minutes later that they heard a knock on the door. Peter looked from the door to Thor, giving him a smile. 

“I think that’s Bruce,” He slipped his hand from the other’s and got up to walk towards it. Opening it revealed that he was right, Bruce stood there, slightly surprised by Peter’s presence but smiling after a moment. 

“I got it from here, Pete.” He assured, Peter moving out of his way to allow him in, closing the door behind him.

Peter stood by the door for a moment, listening. Not to be rude, just to hear.

“Hi, love.” Bruce's voice was soft, softer than usual. Maybe he only spoke this way to Thor and Valkyrie. Or maybe just Thor. How would he know.

Thor’s voice was too deep to decipher or understand, but Peter suspected it was likely something along the lines of Bruce’s greeting. 

With a grin, Peter left back for his room. He had cats to name.

Chapter Text

IronDad @iamironman

name a better duo than my fear of abandonment and instinct to self isolate.

3.3M likes 2.1M retweets

cap @steverogers

In reply to @iamironman

you and i

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @steverogers

*holding back tears* alright. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

it has come to my attention that my Fathers are Lovey-Dovey on tuesday’s specifically… will be taking a regular hiatus on tuesdays from now on.

2.2M likes 1.3M retweets

i’m a PRINCE bitch @killmonger

@ the random Karen at the mall today who tried to start shit bc she thought i was stealing despite my only walking into the store,, i will tear out your throat w my teeth if it happens again i have the jaw strength. thinkin i have to steal. bitch i live in a PALACE tf you on

1.9M likes 1.3M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @killmonger

the press will have a field day with this… i love it

evanses @stevenses

wait,,, isn’t that killmonger guy the guy that tried to take over wakanda and succeeded?? what is happening rn.

2.1k likes 1.3k retweets

i’m a PRINCE bitch @killmonger

In reply to @stevenses

cuz hooked me up w extensive therapy and no jail sentence as apology for the whole murder thing in our Tragic Backstory together 

King T’Challa @blackpanther

In reply to @killmonger

and you make me regret it every single day

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

sometimes you just gotta hhhHHHSJGHSGKnSBJHN ya know?

2.7M likes 2M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @SMOfficial

lol mood

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

shoutout to that lady at the airport who found out i was spiderman before i revealed my identity but minded her business lol 

5.2M likes 3.1M retweets

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

wait when the f uc,k/ did this happe n

cap @steverogers

In reply to @SMOfficial and @iamironman

u okay luv

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial and @steverogers

i thimk im ha vin g a strok,,.e kID WHAT THE FUCK 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

whoops. gotta blast. *dramatically jumps into @peitromaximoff ‘s arms as we speed away*

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @SMOfficial

am speedy. zip zip. 

mj @michellejones

do u think if i told my english teacher i couldn’t write the essay bc i was too depressed they’d let me off or would they just call an institute.

25.7k likes 43.2k retweets

mj @michellejones

In reply to @michellejones

this is a serious question.

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @michellejones

i can write it for you in exchange of you doing the math hw i’ll no doubt get assigned tmrw

mj @michellejones

In reply to @nedleeds

deal. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

*places feathery light kisses on each of @scarletwitch ‘s bloody knuckles as i bandage them tenderly*

4.8M likes 3.2M retweets

denial @danialbutwithanE

In reply to @SMOfficial

skskskahaj why

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @danielbutwithanE

she split them open punching a nazi <3 she’s so cool 

20/20 @vision

In reply to @SMOfficial

that’s…,, hot

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @SMOfficial and @vision

:)

cli(n)t @cbarton

this just in: natasha romanov cheats at mortal kombat

782k likes 621k retweets

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @cbarton

for the last time: just because i beat you three times in a row doesn’t mean i cheated. how tf do you even cheat at mortal kombat anyway

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @blackwidow

uh idk ask yourself cuz you’re the one who CHEATED

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @cbarton

jfc

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton

nah man u just suck, i was in the room while you were playing against each other

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

you don’t have to tell me you were in the room, i always know when you’re near me <3

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @cbarton 

wow. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

my hands are shaking so bad that when i hold paper it sounds like it’s laminated

3.1M likes 3M retweets

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

… are you okay pete??

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @nedleeds

i am so tired..,. but i have so much work….,

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

peter go to bed the teachers will let you off this once you’re literally a superhero

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @michellejones

but i don’t want them to let me off bc i’m a superhero. if i wanted to be treated like that i’d just be homeschooled in the tower. i wanna be treated normally

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

i think what mj means is that the teachers will probs give u an extension or smth if you explain you don’t get the time w/ night patrols and stuff. you’ve been tired af lately pete, you need rest. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @nedleeds

i guess…. @michellejones i’m sorry i misunderstood i love u

mj @michellejones

In reply to @SMOfficial

ily2 dumbass. now go to bed already. 

Chapter Text

bucky @jamesbarnes

me: :(

pete n shuri: *draw on my arm w whiteboard marker and leave notes n cute magnets while i’m asleep*

me: :)

5.6M likes 4.9M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @jamesbarnes

uwu

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @jamesbarnes

uwu

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @jamesbarnes, @SMOfficial and @wakandanprincess

we get it, you’re best friends. you can stop being cute now

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @scarletwitch

awwww wanda thinks we’re Cute

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @scarletwitch

:3c

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

we have sinned too much and are finally paying the consequences.

5.6M likes 4.2M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

plays pkmn for 8 hrs straight n passes the fuck out

6.7M likes 4.2M likes

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

mood

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

havent showered or slept in 5 days n honestly am ready to engage in hand to hand combat w god

5.2M likes 3.1M retweets

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @SMOfficial

pls don’t 

peter Baby parker @webboi

at this point i feel like peter doesn’t even need to fight his own battles. he has every other superhero to fight FOR him

32.1k likes 20.8k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @webboi

;-D

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

for the love of god why do u never use emojis i literally GO OUT OF MY WAY to keep u as updated with the latest technology 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

the author uses google docs n emojis don’t show up on ao3 

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

wait what

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

wait what

20/20 @vision

.@scarletwitch 

37k likes 21.1k retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @vision

what

20/20 @vision

In reply to @scarletwitch

i love you <3

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @vision

oh

cli(n)t @cbarton 

ppl be in love n shit. i be playing roblox business tycoon gang gang 

3.1M likes 2.4M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

why is math so hard what t he fu c k

5.2M likes 3.1M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @jamesbarnes

its cuz ur gay

wanda @scarletwitch

merry christmas, remember to **** ***** to get on the good list

3.4M likes 2.2M retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @scarletwitch

wtf why the fuck my tweet censored i didn’t do that

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @scarletwitch

i tweaked everyone in the towers phone to detect and eradicate Sin. 

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @iamironman

lammeeee

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

*picks up elephant and holds it tenderly and close*

4.9M likes 3.1M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

hap new year am still In Love so that is good!! 

3.4M likes 2.1M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @SMOfficial

i am talking about cranberry juice btw. yummy. 

cli(n)t @cbarton

ok but deadass why r our like to retweet ratios so good

2.1M likes 2.1M retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @cbarton

i see what u all have done and i am impressed 

IronDad @iamironman

peter where the FUCK are u u aren’t in the tower

2.1M likes 1.4M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

we vibin

[attached: a selfie of peter sitting on a couch, a gaming console controller in his lap. the photo is taken at an above angle, tilted slightly so you can see one quentin beck also on the couch with a matching controller in his hand. they’re both putting up peace signs but beck’s eyes are focused on the screen.]

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

pETER FOR FUCKS SAKE WHY WASNT I TOLD OF THIS

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @iamironman

i told steve now shh i’m tryna play this game but ur making me lose man

Love to: Honey

Love: you have some fucking explaining to do mister 

Honey: hm?? you mean pete hanging w beck? i didn’t think it was a big deal

Love: are you serious rn

Honey: he hasn’t given any reason NOT to think he’s trustworthy! and peter is perfectly capable of handling himself, love. 

Honey : i know that you worry about him a lot, but he’s okay, alright? 

Love: hnnnggg okay. but please for the love of god at least TELL ME next time 

Honey: i will i’m sorry, that wasn’t okay for me to do i’ll admit 

Love: ok thank u i love u

Honey: i love you too x

Love: … 

Love: are you sure he’s alright? i don’t have anything to worry about? you’re not just lying to get me to shut up?

Honey: i promise.

Chapter Text

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

i aspire to be like my dad 

1.9M likes 894k retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @pietromaximoff

please don’t

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

*applies clay face mask n is rendered incapable of moving face* statue kin uwu

3.1M likes 2.3M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

oh my god shUT UPP

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

never. u will not silence me. 

wanda @scarletwitch

what if i told you all i have watched the first twilight movie so much that i can recite the script alongside the movie when watching it. would u still stan

4.9M likes 3.6M retweets

bucky @jamesbarnes

damn i be wanting ice cream

821k likes 674.9k retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @jamesbarnes

i just bought some but u can have it if u want :)

shuri @wakandanprincess 

In reply to @jamesbarnes and @cbarton

damn you gotta marry him now buck,, is the rulez

bucky @jamesbarnes

In reply to @wakandanprincess

gonna consume ur left kidney whole

nat @blackwidow

witnessed bruce searching for his glasses for ten solid minutes before realising they were on his head. anything but a son god, i beg

1.2M likes 989.4k retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @blackwidow

natty u r infertile

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @cbarton

what’s your point

strongest avenger @thorodinson

the spiderchild has introduced me to the joys of gaming!! i love animal crossing :) can’t wait until the release of New Horizons!! 

4.3M likes 4M retweets

Nintendo of America @NintendoAmerica

In reply to @thorodinson

please dm us, we would be delighted to have you on as a sponsor with early access!

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

ayo nintendo sponsor gang B)

[attached: a photo of two switches in handheld mode, the opening screen for Animal Crossing: New Horizons showing. thor is tagged.]

5.7M likes 4.1M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

one time when i was going for a stroll a paparazzi person jumped out of the bushes n it scared me so bad i webbed their camera to their face n cried lol

3.9M likes 2.1M retweets

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

omw to kill every paparazzi i see

2.1M likes 1.6M retweets

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @captmarvel

babe no the weak straight boys will call u the villain again

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

In reply to @blackwidow

nobody makes my son cry. 

desiree @avengerstannie

i forget that spidey is legally captain marvels son n then i get reminded n i get to feel the elation again as if it were the first time hearing it 

62.1k likes 38k retweets

rin @maybeavocaloid

wait black widow called captain marvel babe

89.2k likes 34.6k retweets

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @maybeavocaloid

yes bc we are dating

baddest (bi)tch @captmarvel

In reply to @maybeavocaloid and @blackwidow

yes we started dating a little bit ago HOWEVER valkyrie is my hall pass we have fun together sometimes :))

not a goddess but should be @valkyrie

In reply to @captmarvel

xoxo

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

my mom n aunt r dating… gross >:(

2.3M likes 1.2M retweets

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

literally any adults: in love

peter: DISGUSTING

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @wakandanprincess

shut up loser

shuri @wakandanprincess

In reply to @SMOfficial

i will beat u tf up… no cap

mj @michellejones

he do be crawling doe

[attached: a fried and distorted picture of what appears to be peter upside down on the ceiling. his eyes have been given a harsh red glare.]

1.6M likes 992.1k retweets

Guy In The Chair @nedleeds

In reply to @michellejones

damn i missed this in order to do spanish hw,,,.. hhearrtbroken

cli(n)t @cbarton

think my bucky’s broken anyone know where to get a replacement

2.1M likes 1.2M retweets

geanna @idkifthisisarealname

In reply to @cbarton

what’s wrong w him?

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @idkifthisisarealname

we’re trying to play mortal kombat but he keeps zoning out n staring smh how am i supposed to beat him fairly if he ain’t pressing any buttons

steve sir pls @punchmeinthethroat

In reply to @cbarton

have you tried putting him in rice

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @punchmeinthethroat 

good idea. will do that as soON AS HE STOPS TEXTING PETER AS IF I CANT TELL WHAT HES DOING

Bucko to: Pete

Bucko: pete

Bucko: help

Bucko: i think i’m in love with clint

Chapter Text

Pete to: Bucko

Pete: congrats u r the Last to know

Bucko: doNT JOKE THIS IS A SERIOUS CONVO IM FREAKING OUT 

Pete has added Royalty or wuteva to the chat!

Pete: look at this loser

Royalty or wuteva: lol ur useless 

Bucko: SHURI SHUT UPP THIS IS A SERIOSU SOTIUATION 

Royalty or wuteva: lmao why r u asking us?? i ain’t in a relationship n while pete is w two ppl he has no idea how it happened 

Bucko: BECAUSE

Bucko: IF I ASK WANDA ITLL BE WEIRD CUZ THATS HER DAD N IDK IF PIETRO EVEN KNOWS WHAT A BF OR GF IS TBH 

Bucko: IF I ASK NAT SHE’LL JUST GIVE ME A SPEECH BOUT HOW IF I EVER HURT HER BFF SHE’LL STEAL MY BONES OR SMTH

Bucko: ICANT ASK BRUCE CUZ HE’LL HUST LAUGH AT ME :((

Bucko: THORS NEVER HERE

Bucko: AND IF I ASK STEVE HE’LL JSUT GOVE ME SOME BULLSHIT LIKE “~~follow ur heart <3~~” 

Pete: hm. quite the predicament ur in. 

Bucko: …

Bucko: nvm he just poured rice ALL OVER ME i hate him

Royalty or wuteva: skdhskalal 

IronDad @iamironman

why the fuck is there uncooked basmati rice all over the couches in living room

3.2M likes 2.1M retweets

cli(n)t @cbarton

In reply to @iamironman

sorry i was fooled by ppl on here

wanda @scarletwitch

.@pietromaximoff use up all the hot water again and on GOD i will make u wish u were never born 

719.7k likes 612k retweets

nyoom nyoom bitch @pietromaximoff

In reply to @scarletwitch

bet. 

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

gonna take one for the time and beat up kaitlin poopy bennet so if u see i’ve been arrested then u know why

7.9M likes 6.1M retweets

IronDad @iamironman

In reply to @SMOfficial

i’ll bail you out anyways lmao don’t worry

insert emoji here @sunlitleaves

didnt quicksilver get shot like 5 times lol how is he even alive why is nobody questioning that

1.4k likes 532 retweets

wanda @scarletwitch

In reply to @sunlitleaves

i do be using my powers to help my bro doe

insert emoji here @sunlitleaves

In reply to @scarletwitch

iconic

The New York Times @nytimes

Republican Activist Kaitlin Bennet claims that she feels ‘unsafe’ after tweet posted by Avenger Spider-Man

[attached: a link to the article, which holds screenshots of tweets - including peter’s original and responses from kaitlin, in which she talks about being in danger]

2.1M likes 1.6M retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @nytimes  

but i thought she carried :(

nat @blackwidow

*reads book upside down* it’s no different if u have the qualities

1M likes 965k retweets

star @novacaine

In reply to @blackwidow

what are the qualities

nat @blackwidow

In reply to @novacaine

being a boss ass bitch

star @novacaine

In reply to @blackwidow

duly noted

mcr stan @3m0tr1n1ty

spiderman talkin shit bout kaitlin bennet?? King Shit

2.5k likes 1k retweets

SpiderKid @SMOfficial

In reply to @3m0tr1n1ty

lol talkin ‘shit’

shuri @wakandanprincess