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There’s nothing but noise.
Cheers at the finish line; shutters of the cameras.
His own heart beating so hard it creates a bassline in his ears.
Kakeru shouting his name with such fervor that it’s able to cut through all of it.
The sight of Kakeru lights a fire in his gut and he decides to focus on that flame rather than the sharp pain in his knee. Nothing in this moment is more important than crossing the threshold and closing the book on his years-old dream to finally reach those outstretched arms. One front in front of the other.
Kakeru rushes to embrace him as he inevitably falters passed the finish mark; the fixed points of Kakeru’s arms around his shoulders allow the tumult of instant emotion to subside.
“Haiji-san,” is the first thing he hears in perfect clarity after what feels like an eternity.
And even louder, if only for the source to be closer to his ear rather than any actual increase in volume, “Haiji…you’re back.”
The lack of an honorific on his name let’s Haiji know that Kakeru is feeling as much emotion as he is, if not more. And isn’t that a rare sight?
The sweat is starting to cool and stick to his skin in the January chill, but the advent of warmer droplets on his forehead lets him know that Kakeru is experiencing an emotional break of his own. He decides to bask in the moment for a few moments longer, keeping quiet because he knows he’ll be the target of Kakeru’s wrath later if he makes a weak jibe.
The tears, though, soon dry up and Kakeru’s quiet intake of breath breaks him out of his reverie.
“I finally know the answer.” There’s a slight crack in Kakeru’s voice – still filled with untamed emotion, no doubt - but there’s so much confidence and conviction in those few words already. “You asked me once what running was; and it’s you. It’s been you.”
He was hoping after the Hakone Ekiden that Kakeru would come with an answer to his frequently posed query; hell, he hoped he’d come up with an answer himself.
Hearing it out loud, though, is enough to break his resolve and his first tears of the day spill over. Kakeru thinks he is what running is? Him, with his selfishness to force nine others to join in on his whim, with his bum knee that’ll probably prevent from ever running again - no less be able to walk properly. He is what Kakeru thinks is running?
The absurdity pries a wry laugh out of him. That, however, isn’t the response Kakeru was looking for if the clearly affronted look on his face is anything to go by.
But how could he ever doubt Kakeru’s sincerity? When has there been a time that Kakeru has shown himself to be anything but true? All those months ago during summer is when Kakeru first opened his heart and soul to him and he hasn’t turned back since. Kakeru’s devotion and love has only nestled itself more and more into Haiji’s chipped armor. Kakeru’s honest and open answer, in the wake of so much emotion, is enough to cause a cataclysm within himself.
It’s lucky Kakeru is still embracing him. Even without the knee pain he’s sure his legs would give out. But Kakeru only holds him that much tighter.
“Kakeru.” It’s the first he’s used his voice in hours. He winces at the raspy scratch of it; the stark contrast from the voice in his thoughts is jarring. It’s enough to catch Kakeru’s attention, though, and he’s laser-focused on Haiji’s mouth waiting – craving - for more. “It’s you, too.”
The non-sequitur has Kakeru confused for only a moment till realization dawns on his face. He deigns to elaborate, “Running...what it means. Why I did it, why I’ll always love it. It’s you.”
If he’s being honest with himself, he didn’t give much thought to the question at all during the race, but now, voicing his answer, it’s the only truth he’ll hold onto.
More wetness starts falling on face and quiet sobs fill the space – from them both. Kakeru doesn’t say anything further, and neither does he. No more words need to be said; after all, they usually let their running do the talking.
Minutes pass and they’re still a tangle of limbs and emotions on the smooth pavement, but they allow themselves the reprieve of just feeling: the moment, their joy, each other.
Haiji silently thanks whatever deities allowed them to fatefully meet almost a year ago. He promises he’ll repay their kindness by giving all his love and devotion to this fiery and beautiful man who turned his gray, fading dream into bright, brilliant technicolor.