Chapter Text
The time was nearer to 2am when Peter finally crawled through the window in his bedroom. He used the light on his bedside table, conveniently on like he’d planned several hours ago, to manoeuvre around his room, making quick work to slide the Spider-Man suit off his body. Peter had just finished pulling his pyjama top on when his bedroom door suddenly creaked open.
Unlike he would’ve several months ago, Peter didn’t tense when he saw May. Her eyes were narrowed slightly and her jaw was set but there was something tired about her expression. She looked exhausted and Peter knew he was the cause of it.
“It’s almost 2 in the morning, Peter.” May didn’t sound angry, instead adopting an emotionless, lethargic tone. She didn’t give him the tongue lashing she normally would’ve a few months ago, before she’d discovered his vigilante alter-ego and thought his late night sneaking-out was to meet friends or a possible girlfriend.
After the events of what Peter dubbed the ‘Homecoming fiasco’ several things came out of it: one, Peter turned down being Avenger; two, he was instead invited by Mr Stark personally to hang out several times a week to work in his private lab; three, he was trained by the recently pardoned Rogue Avengers (who still didn’t know his true identity thinking Mr Stark’s intern was separate to the crime fighting spiderling). And finally, the worst outcome: May had found out.
Looking back on it, May’s discovery of the truth was entirely his fault. He should’ve been more careful trying the suit on when she had stumbled into his room, finding her nephew dressed in a million dollar super suit.
After the initial shock had worn off, there had been a lot of yelling— all on May’s side. She’d screamed bloody murder about Peter risking his life and ‘what the hell are you doing fighting criminals you’re 15 years old for crying out loud’. Peter had cried out the same thing he’d told Mr Stark before Germany, telling her that he had the power to stop the bad things — that made him responsible then if he didn’t, right?
He’d hoped she would’ve understood. She hadn’t.
“Really?” May raised an eyebrow, her face pulling into a frown now. “You have nothing to say?”
“I was just . . . out.” Peter replied, lamely. To say things had been tense the last few months since May had found out was an understatement. Peter was lucky if they could even hold a conversation for more than 10 minutes before the arguing broke out.
“Figures,” May scoffed, her face going pale. She paused for a second, trying to collect herself. “And are you injured?”
Peter thought about telling her about the bruising on his ribs from when some drunk had attacked him but decided against it; it would be gone by tomorrow. “No.”
May nodded once, her expression stern. “You have school tomorrow, you know that right?”
“Yeah May, i’m just going to bed now.”
“It’s like you don’t even care about your education!” She suddenly exclaimed, her voice rising and the anger she’d been trying so hard to smother bursting out.
Peter was used to her outburst now— he was lucky if they made it 2 days before she blew up about something: she yelled about Peter’s future, college, education, hobbies, friends . . . in May’s opinion, Spider-Man was hindering Peter’s life more than helping it. She saw Spider-Man as the bad guy holding him back and ruining his chance of normality. Because that was all May wanted: normal.
Peter believed that all chance of being normal went out the window when that spider bit him.
“Of course i care May!” Peter challenged her. God, he was so tired; why couldn’t she yell at him tomorrow?
“Well, that’s funny considering you purposely stayed out late when you have school tomorrow!”
“I’ll be fine, i’ve gone to school on much less sleep.”
“Is that meant to make me feel better?” May’s voice was hysterical now. “It’s fine because you’ve done worse? This little . . . act you have going on should be over before midnight, Peter!”
“May, being Spider-Man is important-“
“And your education isn’t?”
“It is but-“
“I can’t do this anymore.”
The words pierced through Peter like a white hot knife, digging deep into his heart and twisting around until he let out a strangled noise. There was defeat in May’s eyes and Peter could feel a sickening feeling blossom in his stomach. “W-what?”
“I’ve tried for months to become okay with . . . this” she gestured to the suit still laying on the floor where Peter had wiggled out of it. Tears grew in her eyes and her voice wobbled slightly. “I’ve tried so hard, Peter! But i can’t keep going through each day wondering if you’re going to come home bleeding out or if you even come home at all! You keep saying Spider-Man is a hero and that you’re doing good but all i see is a child out there risking his life and not even caring!”
“May—“
“No Peter! I’m done. I am. I can’t take any more of this utter bullshit! Leave the heroism to the Avengers and the Avengers only.”
“You know i can’t do that,” Peter whispered.
“The way i see it,” May took one deep breath. “You have two options: either give up Spider-Man or find a new home. Because i’m done. I cannot take this anymore.”
“May, please-“ Tears rolled down Peter’s cheeks, his voice cracking. The sickening feeling in his stomach had grown to the size of a crater now, chewing him up and growling. He kept pinching his skin, wishing that he would wake up in a cold sweat screaming for his Aunt and the May he knew from several months ago would come running in and give him a hug. She’d tell him it was just a nightmare and that she’d never send him away.
But he never woke up. The May before him wasn’t the May from several months ago and she never would be again. His lies had broken apart their relationship and nothing he could do would salvage it.
“You know i can’t give him up,” the words came out like second nature. It was the only honest truth he’d told her in a long time. Peter couldn’t give up Spider-Man the same way Bruce Banner couldn’t give up the Hulk. They were two sides of one coin, forever intertwined. Giving up Spider-Man meant giving up a part of his soul. A part of Ben’s legacy.
“Then get out,” May’s voice was deadly. “I’m serious, get out.”
“May, no-“
“What would Ben think?” May suddenly yelled, tears spilling down her face and her eyes holding fury. “Huh? What would he say if he saw you out there.”
“He’d be proud!” Peter screamed back, the tears rolling down his face in hot waves. “He’s the reason i do this! He wanted me to help people!”
May sobbed into her hands, her whole body shaking. It made Peter’s heart break but when he stepped forward to comfort her, his Aunt just shook her head violently and stepped back.
“I’m serious Peter, i’m done.” The words were quiet but final. Peter knew this was it. There was a finality in the air: the choice he made now was going to determine his future. There was a heavy weight on his chest that made him struggle to breathe.
He tried to imagine a life without Spider-Man; a life where he grieved for his Uncle the normal way and still went to band and robotics, hanging out with Ned and MJ after school. He saw himself actually going to Homecoming with Liz and maybe even getting his first kiss. He imagined a life where he never met Tony Stark or the other Avengers, still watching their faces on TV with fanboy awe before calling Ned to talk about how cool Iron Man was. He tried to imagine a world where bad things happened and he didn’t feel the overwhelming guilt that rose up in his chest, knowing there had been something he could’ve at least tried to do.
Peter tried to imagine a normal Peter Parker but he fell short.
That Peter Parker could never exist. For better or worse, that spider had bit him. He was forever changed and there wasn’t anything either Peter or May could do about it.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, knowing it was too painful to voice his final choice. May’s shoulders sagged and tears ran down her face again in defeat before she brokenly mumbled that he had 30 minutes to pack up and leave. “But it’s late!” Peter cried.
“So?” May had no emotion left in her tone. “2am is fine for Spider-Man but not Peter Parker? I thought you just decided you were both.” And with that, she turned on her heel and walked off. Seconds later, Peter heard the slam of her bedroom door.
The white hot knife twisted harder and Peter let out a sob. He grabbed a handful of his clothes, quickly shoving them into a backpack. He stuffed the suit in and several tubes of his web fluid, too. He packed a separate bag for all his school things, the weight of the books adding to the weight on his chest, his body starting to cave over.
Peter wasn’t sure how he managed to grab all his belongings through the crazed sobs escaping his lips and causing his whole body to shake. It felt like he was being in split in two, his gut twisting and turning in a total sense of despair. He pinched his skin until his fingers went numb— this felt like a nightmare so why wasn’t he waking up?
His room was almost bare by the time Peter hoisted several bags over his shoulder, feeling like the weight of the world was on his back. He knocked on May’s door, chewing his lip and wringing his hands in a quick motion. He begged her to let him stay, telling her he’d try better. His super hearing picked up the faint sound of May’s harsh breath whispering “liar” before he started crying into the door. His face felt stiff from the crying as he stuttered out a broken goodbye.
The second Peter exited their building, he felt a wave of grief roll over him. His heart was torn apart and his soul was exposed. It felt like when Ben had died and Peter had been consumed with a sense of pain, everything in his life linking back to that pain like a map. May hadn’t been shot in front of him like his Uncle but she was dead just like him. And just like Uncle Ben, the death of their relationship was his fault. May had given him a choice and he had chosen not her.
Her words echoed through his head as he trudged down Queen’s streets, the dark sky surrounding him in his misery whilst the street lamps illuminated his tear-stained face.
‘I can’t do this anymore’
‘Get out’
‘What would Ben think?’
In his heart, Peter knew Ben would’ve been proud. His Uncle would want him safe, yes, but he would also want him to accept a responsibility larger than the one he owed himself: the responsibility of others. Ben had said there was no greater power than helping those in need.
Peter debated what he was going to do when the time on his phone read that it was now 3am. The sound of sirens was still in the air and Peter listened carefully before turning down streets, turning around when he heard the sounds of people walking towards him. The air was cold and Peter shivered violently when a cold wind blasted him.
His phone was down to 4% when Peter finally made his decision. He phoned the only other adult in his life that he could count on.
“Mr Stark, i need you.”