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She’d loved the rain once. As a child it had filled her with joy and excitement, the opportunity for adventure and the chance to mess about in the mud with Fergus and the pups. Her mother, of course, did not find so much joy in her little lady acting in a way that little noble girls shouldn’t.
There was no longer joy.
The rain was heavy and beating against the castle grounds. Her hair stuck to her face, and her clothes to her body as the dirt turned to mud beneath her feet. It felt as though the sky was weeping from her heart, filling the earth with the tears she was too stubborn to shed.
Tomorrow the earth might soak with her blood instead, though that hardly bothered her. Not the way betraying herself, and betraying him had done. She’d do anything to make sure he lived though. For all the pain the last year of her life had brought her, Alistair had been her source of life. He was light, and warmth, and comfort. He was good. And for that she’d sent him on a task that would hurt them both.
It hurt. Far more than she’d expected.
Elissa stood her ground, being trampled by the rain as she stared up at the sky, listening to the heavy thumps of the rain. She closed her eyes to see images of Alistair and Morrigan dance before her eyes. Why had she thought she was strong enough for this?
“Elissa, child, what’re you doing out here?” She opened her eyes as Wynne grabbed at her shoulder. “Come, inside.”
Unable to move, Elissa remained still against the onslaught of rain.
“You’ll fall ill.” Wynne tugged at her to no effect, her body didn’t want to move. “Elissa?”
She tried to speak, but found herself lost for words.
“Where’s Alistair?”
Her body heaved, and threw her toward the ground. Clothes splashed with mud, the bank of her tears burst. Unable to contain the tears she’d been holding since she’d fled Highever all that time ago, she found herself spluttering into her hands.
Wynne’s arms were warm after the cold of the rain, holding her steady and she heaved and sobbed. So much had happened. So much had gone wrong. And now, she’d made a decision she wasn’t sure she could handle.
“You’re safe.” Wynne brushed the wet hair from her face. “I know there’s an unfair amount of responsibility on your shoulders, but we’ll all be there with you.”
“Alistair,” Elissa said, between heavy sobs, suddenly aware that the rain had ceased to fall.
“Will fight by your side the entire way.”
“No,” Elissa cried. “It’s not- It’s not that- It’s that- Morrigan-”
“What is it dear?” Wynne asked, eyebrow raised sceptically. Her arms were wrapped around Elissa, grounding her amidst the storm. As best they could anyway.
Elissa gulped, and exhaled deeply. “A ritual.”
Wynne pulled back, her hands still in place on Elissa’s shoulders. Elissa looked away, unable to settle her eyes on Wynne’s worried expression. There was only so much she could say to quieten her fears.
“Morrigan offered,” Elissa paused, as she thought over her words, “protection. For a price.”
“What price?”
“A child.” Elissa sniffed, unable to explain further. A warden’s life was not easy, but she never thought it’d be like this. Dark rituals were not something she associated with the heroes of the Wardens. She’d thought them to be honourable. Maybe they were, all but her.
“Elissa…” Wynne trailed off, tightening her grip on her.
Elissa sunk into her arms, falling into her as they both sank further into the muddy earth. Wynne, she knew, wouldn’t approve of their participation in the dark ritual and yet Wynne remained. Holding her. Helping her. Grounding her.
She was thankful, in a way she wouldn’t ever be able to articulate to Wynne. Knowing she wasn’t alone in it all was something. It didn’t stop the storm, but it quietened it.
Wynne had helped her a lot over the months they’d travelled together. She’d helped them all. Whether or not they wanted the particular help Wynne was serving was another story. Alone, sobbing in the rain, Elissa was glad to have it.
Her heart and eyes wept and ached alongside the sky. She remained shielded in Wynne’s arms, body numb to the cold and wet. Wynne grounded her, warmed her and held her as the clouds poured down.
Time and the storm passed as they held each other in the mud of the castle grounds. Elissa wasn’t sure how long they’d clung to each other until the rain faded. The cold and the damp had soaked into her bones, and left her shivering in the dark, holding Wynne for warmth.
She looked up, eyes finding the castles torches in the night. A figure stood, light of the torch flickering over their face. Alistair, silent and solemn. Elissa glanced up, eyes meeting Alistair’s across the grounds.
It was done.
Her heart ached with the knowledge of the ritual, it crept through her body threatening to spill forth. Elissa swallowed it back, as she shook herself from Wynne’s arms and ran towards him. Her arms threw themselves around him before she could process the thought.
They’d have a shot at living.
“I’m sorry,” Alistair whispered, his breath warm against her ear.
“I know.” Elissa tried to smile. “It was probably worse for you then it was me.”
Neither of them believed it, she knew. Still, he chuckled, his small smile not quite reaching his eyes. They’d both hurt a lot on the paths they’d taken and they’d both hurt a whole lot more in the battle to come. But they’d be together. Most importantly, they’d come out of it together.
The price for survival was high, higher than she’d ever considered. Elissa knew the Warden’s would call for her blood, tears and sweat. She’d never thought her heart and soul would be stretched and struck too.
Perhaps when the battle was done and the archdemon defeated, when Alistair was safe, and she had survived, the rain would bring her joy once more.
The cost of survival was high, but time would heal the sting.
For their future, it was worth it.