Archive of Our Own ^beta

Since her adoption, Klaus had taken to wearing Lady Voodoo like a living, purring scarf. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that that feline terrorist that had charmed her way into Klaus’ (and Dave’s) hearts had figured out a way to make certain she could keep tabs upon all the peasants in her kingdom, and that she could admonish them as she saw fit.

Of all the things to get used to in their strange house, the sight (and sound) of a cat purring as though her life depended upon it whilst draped across her human was the one that took the longest-- if only for the fact that she wasn’t keen on any of them.

Today’s unwitting victim of Lady Voodoo’s ire was none other than their quietest sibling, Vanya, who had done nothing wrong in the eyes of felinekind except exist .

“Klaus,” Vanya spoke softly, looking up from her book as her brother entered the room-- it was difficult not to hear him enter, considering there was the feline equivalent of a motorbike coiled around his neck, it was a wonder he hadn’t suffered hearing loss from such close proximity to it. “Did you--” the need something died on her lips, as she made the heinous mistake of making a single second of eye contact with the black cat, whose symphony of triumph abruptly ended as she slid down the front of Klaus’ shirt and landed bodily on the ground, turning and leaving the room.

“Oh.” Vanya wasn’t surprised that the cat left, yet her voice was still dejected as though she’d wished she would have stayed more than a few seconds, most people (and animals) still weren’t keen on her-- the kittens were still too dumb to know not to like her, but they’d learn, and Diego’s dog, well, was a dog and they were never too high on the intelligence spectrum when it came to her brother. (Luckily none of them had seen said dog sample from the cat box yet, and everyone hoped it was a day that wouldn’t come.)

Klaus, however, seemed absolutely nonplussed that his precious elder lady cat had used him as a human ladder, and barely took a second to examine if his shirt had little tiny battle wounds from her claws before glancing back to his sister-- who was wearing that wounded puppy look that he couldn’t stand on anyone . (No, not even Luther, sometimes getting the entire family’s empathy was a curse. ...And the ghost thing, totally a bit of a curse there, too. And God hating him-- okay, the list was kind of extensive.)

Sensing the dip in the mood of the room, Klaus wasted no time in slinging his arm around his smaller sister’s shoulders, drawing her close in the type of affection that all of them really could benefit from, if their father hadn’t done such a wonderful job of parenting them. It seemed to work as Vanya didn’t quite lean into his brotherly embrace, but neither did she shy away. It was a win in his book. “Don’t worry about her, mi hermana ,” Klaus spoke as though he was imparting the wisdom of the ages upon her, both serious and airy at the same time. “Lady Voodoo doesn’t like most people. She doesn’t even like Ben ,” He added, in a near conspiratorial whisper, as if the object of his gossip wasn’t loitering around the stairwell, rolling his eyes at them.

“She looks so soft,” Vanya said in lieu of agreement, watching the cat haughtily stalk away-- Lady Voodoo Noir knew that she still had their attention, even if her favourite person was no compromised by the others in the house.

“Oh, she is,” Klaus agreed readily, following his sister’s gaze. Which, coincidentally, was leading towards where their spectral brother was-- and it was always fun to watch his precious lady cat interact with that part of the family.  “She’s the absolute best ,” His voice was full of the same love and adoration that he spoke of his late boyfriend with, just as Lady Voodoo felt the need to puff up to twice her size and hiss at Ben who had committed no crime but exist. (Did ghosts really exist? Well, they existed enough to annoy Klaus, so perhaps now wasn’t quite the time to be contemplating the metaphysical-- especially not as he felt Vanya’s uncomfortable little wiggle beneath his arm.)

“Um--” The concern was evident in Vanya’s voice, watching the cat hiss at the air.

“She doesn’t like Ben very much,” Klaus shrugged it off, not letting Vanya free from his one-armed hug just yet.

“Or me,” Vanya supplemented, glancing down to her shoes.

“She doesn’t like anyone much,” Klaus corrected, hoping to quickly change his sister’s attitude.  “Cats can see ghosts, too,” He informed her, while not-so-discreetly making a rude gesture behind his back towards the back of the house; take that, ‘God’, not such a mistake after all am I ? “And I think she doesn’t really doesn’t like the whole tentacle thing.”

“But she likes you…”

“Of course she does, I’m her mother.”

“...Don’t you mean, father?”

A flippant wave of a tattooed hand ( goodbye to that thought) answered that question. “Tomato, Potato,” He shrugged it off. “I love her more than all of you do, so of course she loves me the best. Dave has second place, and… you might have third. Did I tell you she peed in Luther’s shoe last Tuesday?”

“Didn’t he blame you for that?”

“Yeah, and I blamed Ben.”

“Who’s dead .” She at least had the decency to mouth the words ‘sorry, Ben’ after stating the cold, hard facts so callously.

“Luther said the same thing. So I blamed Five.”

“... Five?”

“Well, he’s not really housebroken since the whole… apocalypse… thing.”

Klaus said it with such seriousness that, even though she didn’t want to, Vanya had to stifle the tiniest laugh, the corners of her lips barely twitching upwards in what passed for a smile. Klaus would count it as a win.

“Don’t let him hear you say that, he might--”

“Might what?” Klaus cut her off. “ Kill me ? We’ve been there, done that. There wasn’t a gift shop on the way out, which is probably a good thing because I’m not actually sure what currency they would take and I would probably have to steal you guys like, the tackiest t-shirts in the whole place.”

“...Klaus?” There was a hesitation in Vanya’s voice that actually made him pause in the tale of afterlife gift shops that he was about to launch into, and regard her with serious sibling concern instead.

“Yes?”

“Your cat’s coming back this way…” Vanya’s voice was barely above a whisper, as if the fickle feline would be deterred by her voice, reminded of her presence once more.

“Of course she is,” Klaus’ grin could be heard in his voice, “ I’m over here.” He almost sounded like he was gloating, and it was a welcome change to see him enjoying life without the hindrance of drugs. (A trait they now shared in common, though neither had brought it up just yet.) “And I just told you she loves me--”

A small chirrup echoed that statement, the silky black cat in question slinking between Klaus’ legs just as Vanya asked; “Enough to put up with me for?”

“Enough to put up with this whole family for, mi preciosa hermana ,” Klaus replied, sliding his arm from her shoulders so that he could squat down and scoop up his cat into his arms, holding her as though she were a human child and not a cat .

Unsure of how Lady Voodoo would react to her proximity, Vanya took a half-step away from her brother, who was busy burying his face in the most dangerous place to put any human appendage on a cat: her stomach. Lady Voodoo Noir didn’t seem to mind the invasion of her personal space very much.

“See? She’s such a good girl,” Klaus had to raise his voice slightly, as Lady Voodoo Noir had resumed her purring, though she did fix Vanya with a look that implied the room would be better off without the woman-- but if she must , Vanya could stay.  “Maybe one day she’ll let you pet her. You know… when she’s ready.”

“When will that day be?” Vanya asked, looking between cat and owner, wishing the elusive feline would find her worthy already.

“Oh, you’ll know. She’ll come to you.” Two sets of green eyes were on Vanya now, and it was almost eerie how they both held the same emotion, a soft fondness and understanding that should have been unnerving when mirrored so thoroughly, but it wasn’t .

“She’s a great listener, once she warms up to you.” There was a thinly veiled offer in those words, ones that, for once, didn’t get lost in translation of silence; I’ll listen when you want to talk about things . In response, Vanya gave the slightest nod, returning to her book just as Lady Voodoo decided she’d had enough of being coddled like a child and leapt from Klaus’ arms once more.

“ Miau. ” Lady Voodoo Noir’s contribution to the conversation was matter-of-fact, holding no space for argument as she made her way back to the stairwell, pausing to look back as if to say are you coming ?

“I believe that’s my cue-- someone probably wants lunch. Do you want lunch, Vanya?”

“I’m good but-- Klaus?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

Rather than respond, Klaus nodded to her, following the cat out of the room and leaving Vanya to read her book in peace-- but with more peace of mind about her siblings than she’d had before. Maybe something small and furry was just what they needed to bring them back together, to that passable line of family -- even if it seemed as though Lady Voodoo Noir didn’t like them very much.