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Lydia Martin was a banshee; banshees sense death, she could deal with that, if fact she was used to it by now. But when Lydia woke up one Tuesday morning in April it wasn’t just any death she was sensing, it was her own. She wakes up with a jolt from the first nightmare-free, and therefore good, nights sleep she’s had in a while. This alone gives her a sense that something’s wrong, the fact that she feels hollow and sick to her stomach adds to the feeling, and the urge to scream when she looks in the mirror confirms it: she is going to die today. Shockingly Lydia’s not as upset as she thought she would be, as she should be; but Lydia knows that there’s not use fighting it, she’d tried with Allison. Instead she chooses to do everything (that’s possible) that she’s ever wanted to do, and she’s going to look fabulous doing it.
Lydia decides that she wants to spend the day with her friends (even Malia), and despite her impending death, she can’t help but grin when she sees them all piled into Stiles’ jeep outside her house.
“I need to sit shotgun today.” She says to the assembled group as a greeting, “What? Why?” Stiles asks looking a little warily at his girlfriend; to everyone’s surprise, Malia agrees, “Yeah, sure.” Stiles stares at the girl a little longer than everyone else, before he shrugs and opens the car door for Lydia.
They’re nearly at school when Lydia decides to do the first thing on her list; she unbuckles her seatbelt, rolls down her window and is halfway out before anyone notices. She closes her eyes, savouring the feeling of the wind rushing through her hair before she hears,
“Lydia! What are you doing?” Stiles and Scott shout at her in sync, both reaching to pull her back into the car.
“I’m sorry,” She says a little breathless, a wide grin on her face, “I’ve just always wanted to do that.” While everyone gives her a funny look, with Scott’s eyes clearly telling her that he was going to have a talk with her later, no one says anything.
Scott confronts her minutes before the bell goes for their first class,
“Lydia what’s going on?” She frowns at him, “What do you mean?”
“What was all that about in the jeep? Something’s wrong, you smell different.”
“I smell different?” Lydia raises her eyebrows at him, he nods, “Yes, your scents different, there’s sadness, and grief, and…acceptance.”
Lydia sighs and pulls Scott into an empty classroom,
“I should’ve known you might notice,” She takes a deep breath, and leans against one of the desks, distancing herself from him, “I’m going to die today.”
“What! Why – why didn’t you say anything! Why didn’t you tell anyone! We need to do something, we need to prevent it –”
“We can’t Scott.”
Scott frowns at her, grabbing her hands, “What do you mean we can’t! Of course we can –”
Lydia pulls away from him and shakes her head, “Scott I tried with Allison, there’s nothing we can do, I’m going to die, and it’s okay.”
“No it’s not!” Scott looks like he’s going to start crying, “Scott it’s going to be okay.”
“No it’s not Lydia, I’ve known you since we were kids, I’m not going to just let you –”
“Scott, if you’re my friend you won’t tell anyone and you’ll help have the best last day of my life.” She goes to leave the room but Scott’s voice stops her, “By anyone, do you really mean Stiles?” She turns and gives him a sad smile, “Please.” Scott nods and takes her by the arm, “Come on then let’s make today the best day of your life.”
Throughout the day Lydia mentally ticks things off her list as she goes along. She enlists Kira to help her, the girl being too adorable and awkward to ask any questions; instead blindly following along as Lydia speeds through bookshelves on one of the trolleys in the library, pranks Coach, and then later when she jumps into the school pool fully clothed. Lydia doesn’t hide her genius intellect in her classes and halfway through the day she decides that she’s done with wearing high heels and elects to walk around barefoot, and two foot shorter than everyone else. She says the best good byes she can to the people she loves: she calls her dad first who, when she tells him she loves him, asks, “What do you want now?” Next to goes to her mother who smiles before pulling her into a hug and stroking her hair, saying that Lydia will always be her little girl, as though she knows that something’s going to happen. Lastly she goes to Danny, who’d been her GBF since the end of middle school,
“You know you’re one of my best friends right? And that I love you, and you’ve been the best GBF a girl could ask for.” She sitting next him in the cafeteria, and she’s trying not to cry. Danny frowns at her and then takes one of her small hands in his, “Something’s going to happen, isn’t it?” She gives him a tearful smile before he pulls her into a hug, “Be safe Lydia Martin, I’d really like to be sitting beside you at graduation.” She gives a small laugh and hastily wipes away a few stray tears that have escaped.
It’s just after lunch when Scott finds her,
“Lydia, I have something to give you,” He reaches into his bag pulling out a red velvet box and handing it to her, “Go on,” He nods, “Open it.” She does and staring back at her is a gold medal. A Fields Medal. Lydia stares at him in disbelief, “What – how did you get this?” Scott smiles at her, “When you were in the hospital, Stiles told me that you weren’t allowed to die because you were meant to go write some crazy mathematical theory that would win you the Fields Medal; I spoke to Deaton, turns out there was a medal winner in his family and he could think of no one more fitting to have it.” Lydia cries freely as she pulls Scott into a hug, “Thank you, thank you so much,” She sobs into his shirt, and as she pulls away she sees Scott wiping away a few tears of his own. “I need you to do one more thing for me.”
It’s the second to last thing on her list: to finish her slow dance with Stiles.
“Hey Scott said you wanted to see me?” He’s standing in the middle of the gym, and she bites her lip as she approaches worried about what might happen. “Uh yeah, I was just thinking that we never got to finish our dance at the winter formal, what with me going off to look for Jackson, and then Peter attacking me,” Stiles flinches slightly at this, but she continues anyway, “So I was wondering if you would do me the honour of finishing our dance?” Stiles frowns slightly, and Lydia worries for a moment that he’ll say no, before he smiles and nods, going to put his arms around her waist. She smiles pushing one headphone into his ear and then one into her own, before she loops her arms around his neck as they being to sway.
“It’s the same song.” She hears the slight smile in his voice, and she doesn’t know if she’s surprised or not that he still remembers, “Yeah it is.” She whispers as the fairy lights that Scott put up for her glitter the gym in dim lighting.
“What’s going on?” Scott shushes Coach, before indicating to the couple in the centre. Coach smiles slightly at the sight, remembering the flicker of pride he’d felt for Stiles when he’d managed to get Lydia to dance with him at the formal. “She ask him?” Scott nods, Coach sighs, “The kid doesn’t know does he?” Scott shakes his head, “Shame, I always rooted for them two.”
Lydia knows it’s close the moment she walks into Derek’s loft for the pack meeting, so she decides to do the final thing on her list. She pulls Stiles to one side, into a small room that used to be Cora’s, and once the door is closed, she kisses him. No panic attacks involved, no other reason than because she wants to. Lydia kisses Stiles with the knowledge that she will never get another chance. When she pulls away, before he get a chance to say anything she speaks, “I’m sorry, tonight might devastate you, okay? But you can’t go out of your mind, promise me – ”
“Lydia, what are you talking about, what do you mean?”
“I’m sorry Stiles.”
She knows when Malia and Stiles start to argue, she doesn’t even know what it’s over, but she knows something’s different when Malia lashes out; she knows that Malia has violent tendencies, she’s seen the scratches and bruises on Stiles arms, but this time it’s different. Everything slows down, and Lydia just knows that this is the moment, that she will die protecting Stiles, and she’s okay with that. Before she knows what’s happening she’s jumped in front of him, and Malia’s impaled her with her claws; Lydia will die just like Boyd did, in the exact same spot. She feels arms around her as she falls, she hears Stiles, hears the hurt and anguish lacing his voice, “NO! Scott you have to do something, you have to save her, you have to – ”
“I can’t, she’s immune, I don’t know what to do, I don’t – ” She can hear the tears in Scott’s voice, the helplessness, “Scott please –” Stiles’ voice breaks on the last word, and she reaches up to stroke his cheek, “It’s fine Stiles, I knew – it’s fine – ” It hurts and it’s hard to talk but she has to, she has to tell him, “Lydia please – don’t Lydia – please – ”
“You didn’t need ten years.” Stiles frowns at her, “What?” She smiles softly, “You didn’t – you didn’t need ten years to make me fall in love with you.” Her breathing’s laboured and she can taste the blood on her lips, “What are you saying Lydia?” Stiles is crying and the sight hurts her more than the wound, “I – I love you Stiles Stilinski – I love – I love you – ”
He holds her close, crying into her red hair, as her hand falls and she fades away. He rocks back and forth, he feels like he’s going to explode, he can’t believe it, doesn’t want to believe it, that Lydia Martin, the love of his life, despite recent events, was dead; and it was his fault. Stiles was the one who had been pushing for Malia’s integration into the pack, it was him that was in a relationship with her; and now it was her he heard approaching him.
“I’m sorry,” She pauses before rolling her shoulders and continuing, “But I don’t understand why you’re so upset, I mean now one of the weakest links is gone, and she shouldn’t have interfered anyway – ”
“What, so you could’ve killed me instead?” Out of the corner of his eye, he sees her flinch slightly, “Stiles I would’ve never hurt you, and even if I did Scott would help – he could help –”
“Lydia interfered because she’s a better person than you will ever be –” He talks over her not wanting to hear her excuses, “Was. She was a better person, now she’s dead.” Stiles looks up at Malia, his eyes hard and cold, his voice low and cutting as he murmurs, “Get out.”
“Stiles please –”
“GET OUT!” Stiles and Scott both roar at the girl, who leaves with an angry sigh and a sneer.
Hours pass and Stiles still doesn’t move, he hears Kira, who’s barely holding it together, urge Scott to do something, “Stiles come on, we need to tell someone, we need to get someone – ”
“I can’t leave her Scott,” He looks up at his best friend with tear filled eyes, “Please don’t make me leave her.”
When he feels it he doesn’t know how much time has passed; but as he holds her wrist he feels the slight jump of a pulse.
“Scott, I feel something, she’s got a pulse, call Deaton and your mom.” He fires off at the Alpha quickly, lifting Lydia’s body into his arms as he stands. “Stiles are you sure?” Scott asks hesitantly, he’s knows what it’s like to hold the body of someone you love, the desperation you have for them to still be alive. “Yes I’m sure, we need to get her to a hospital, look,” Stiles nudges at her top slightly, “She’s healing.” Sure enough three of the ten puncture marks just below her ribs were knitting themselves back together.
As soon as Lydia sees the large white tiled room she knows she’s in Bardo. In the centre of the room she sees two figures standing as though waiting for her, as she gets closer she sees that it’s Allison, still wearing what she wore the night she died, and another woman standing in a hospital gown, whom she’s sure she knows but doesn’t quite know how. “Allison!” Lydia runs to her best friend, pulling her into a hug, “Hello Lydia.” She smiles at her, and in that moment Lydia feels the full force of the loss of her friend once again. “What are you doing here? What am I doing here?” Allison smiles at Lydia’s questions, before she turns to the woman next to her who starts to speak, “You, Lydia, like all banshees, have a choice, if you die unnaturally you have the chance to go back.” The woman spoke with a slight European lilt that Lydia recognised but still couldn’t quite place.
“I’m not sure there would be much point in going back, I did everything I wanted to, I got to tell the boy I loved that I loved him, and he has a girlfriend anyway, and I’m lonely, miss my best friend – ”
“Wait Stiles hooked up with Malia?” Lydia whirled round to her friend, “How did you know I was talking about Stiles?” Allison raised her eyebrows, “Please Lydia I’m not blind.” The woman gave a small laugh at the pair, before shaking her head at Lydia, “You may think there is no point but really you shouldn’t give up your life for a boy, even a Stilinski, and think about your friends, your mother; death doesn’t happen to you Lydia –”
“It happens to the people around you, to all the people left standing at your funeral wondering how they’re going to carry on without you.” Lydia smiles at the woman, she knows who she is now, “You’re right, what was I thinking, of course I’ll go back, I’ll go back to your son.” Claudia nods at the girl and smiles tearfully, “My son couldn’t have picked a better young lady to fall in love with,” The mother pulls Lydia into a hug, “I’m just sorry I never got to be there to watch the pair of you grow up.” Lydia scoffs, “Trust me I was horrible, honestly I don’t deserve him.” Claudia shook her head, “You’re wrong, the fact that you accept what you did the past, shows that you’re a different person now, besides I’m his mother if I approve then you’re perfect.” Lydia laughs but stops when she hears Stiles voice call to her, like a string pulling her,
Lydia, please come back, don’t leave, please.
Allison smiles at her and pulls her into a hug, “Its time for you to go isn’t it,” Lydia nods, “I think so.” Allison takes her by the shoulders, “Okay, few things, I need you to check up on my dad, make sure he’s okay, and I need you to tell Scott to live again okay? Tell him that what happened wasn’t his fault and that he totally has my permission to date Kira, finally I need you to be happy okay Lydia? Be happy for me.” Lydia nods, not bothering or caring about the tears that were falling at having to say goodbye to Allison all over again, “I will, I promise.”
“Good. Now get your cute ass out of here.” She pushes Lydia towards a door that’s now appeared; she opens it hesitantly, turning to wave at the two women before she leaves, walking towards a bright light.
*
It’s after a couple of weeks of waiting that Lydia wakes up and starts to breathe on her own, only to find her ability hindered due to her internal injuries and fluid in her lungs. This means that she has to stay in hospital for far longer than she wants to and even when she does get out she has to carry a freaking oxygen tank around with her and wear a nasal cannula so she can actually breathe; needless to say she’s not happy, and she swears the next time she sees Malia she’s returning the favour and puncturing her lungs so she knows how it feels. The only problem is that she doesn’t see Malia the entire time she’s in hospital, the girl doesn’t even come to apologise, Scott says that no one’s seen her since the ‘incident’, as Lydia’s dubbed it (it’s shorter than ‘that-time-I-was-killed-by-a-psychotic-coyote’). It’s on Scott’s fourth visit that he broaches the subject they’ve both been avoiding: Stiles. “He really wants to see you.” She hums non-committedly in response, “He stayed the entire time you were unconscious, and he was the one who realised that you were alive again.” She nods, “You know Scott I’m really tired, you know breathing and stuff, can I see you later?” Scott sighs but nods accepting her excuse, but before he leaves he says, “You know you’re going to have to see him sometime.” As he leaves, she whispers her reply, “I know.”
The first time she actually runs a real risk of seeing him, is on her first day back at school. As soon as Lydia steps through the door everyone is staring at her, well more at her nasal cannula and bright blue oxygen tank, and it’s at that moment that Lydia knows that this day is going to be hard; this feeling worsens at soon as she reaches the steps to get to her homeroom. “Come on, I’ll carry your tank.” Lydia looks up to see Danny smiling back at her, the handle of her oxygen tank already in hand, “Thanks.” She smiles back at him and takes his offered hand as he helps her up the stairs, and then wheeling the tank to the classroom so she doesn’t have to. When they reach the door Lydia stops, “Can I just have a moment, the stairs were pretty hard for my –” She breaks off leaning over slightly to catch her breath, “Yeah, that’s fine.” It’s silent apart from the sound of Lydia’s breathing until Danny mutters, “I’m just glad you’re alive Lydia, you scared me.” She looks up at him and gives a slight smile, “Come on, time to face my audience.” Danny laughs and holds open the door for her. She holds back a cringe at the gasps she hears upon her entrance, and restrains herself from seeking out the one person who she so desperately wants to see in that moment, instead heading towards her regular seat.
“I’m glad to see you back Martin.” She turns towards Coach in surprise, “Uh thanks.” He nods, “If you need any help, with anything, just ask.” She nods, “Also talk you Stilinski will you, he’s depressing me.” She laughs slightly, “O-okay.” At the mention of the boy, she finds herself meeting his eyes from his desk in the front and centre; she looks away quickly not wanting to see the pity that would undoubtedly be in his eyes.
It’s near the end of the day that Lydia decides that she couldn’t have ever left these people behind; Scott and Danny carry her tank for her every chance they get, and shield her from staring eyes and whispers, even Coach helps her out (when he offers to take her tank she thinks she might cry she’s so touched). But it’s Stiles she realises she could have never left behind; he’s hesitant to approach her, looking at her as though she’s made of glass and she could break at any moment, and she knows that he blames himself. It’s because of this that she’s surprised when he silently takes her hand in their free period and leads her to the gym,
“What are you doing?” Her voice is raspy, and she knows it has nothing to do with her lungs and everything to do with the boy standing in front of her.
“Dance with me.”
She frowns unsure that she’s heard him correctly, “What?” He turns to face her, looking down as he takes her hand in his, “Every memory I have associated with dancing with you is tainted by someone hurting you because of me – ”
“Stiles it wasn’t your fault – ” He shakes his head at her, still not look her in the eye, “But Malia was my responsibility – ”
“And If I hadn’t of jumped in the way you would have died, and I wouldn’t have been able to live with that.” She moves her hand slightly, interlocking their fingers,
“Did you mean what you said?” Lydia nods, unable to speak, Stiles smiles softly at her, “Losing you hurt more than you can even imagine, I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, and everything made sense, I knew something was wrong that day but I was distracted – and then everything made sense.” Lydia moves her other hand to touch his cheek, “Losing you, and even seeing you like this, made me realise that I love you, I really do.”
“I know – ” He shakes his head, “No I don’t think you do, this is different to every time I said it before to everyone else; I love you Lydia Martin, and I know this sounds stupid because we’re only seventeen but I don’t think I could live without you.” She smiles slightly as her hand moves from his cheek to the nape of his neck,
"If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger." She whispers staring straight in his deep brown eyes, Stiles smiled, leaning down to touch his forehead to hers, “Are you quoting Emily Brontë at me?” She smirked slightly, “Yes, yes I am.”
“I love you, okay?” He whispers as they begin to sway slightly even though there’s no music playing,
“Okay.”
She whispers as his lips meet hers.