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“Y/N? Why do you keep staring at me like that? There aren’t any Weeping Angels here,” the Doctor’s voice woke you from your trance as he waved his hand across your face, and you blinked confusedly, realizing too late that he’d caught you staring at him for the fifth time this week. “Are you all right? You look a bit pale today…” You suppressed a smile as he peered into your eyes, feeling your forehead for a temperature before looking you over.
Today he was in protective mode. How sweet.
“No temperature, you don’t seem to be coughing or shivering, just tired, and cold…but why do you look ill? I need blankets…and…tea! Maybe some jammie dodgers, if we’ve got them, I love those. Tea is always a good remedy for a common cold. You wait here, Y/N, I’ll be five minutes!” He pushed you towards his usual chair in the control room before twirling away like a cosmic five-year-old, making for the kitchen (wherever that was).
“Five minutes!” His voice echoed down the halls of the TARDIS, followed by a distant clanging of pots and pans.
You laughed briefly at the Doctor’s ever-lively humor before you sank into his comfortable chair, sighing while taking in the scent that was just so impossibly him, the man you loved. Quirky but kind, selfless, always trying to help no matter what sort of trouble his companions were in. Always trying to save the world. Except this time the Doctor, not being familiar with human customs or illnesses, was wrong- you didn’t have a common cold. Tea would not be the cure. In fact, nothing would be.
Today was your last day.
Three months ago, you were diagnosed with cancer. Your parents had tried to make everything seem as normal as possible, but however they promised they’d take you wherever you wanted to go when you got better- England, France, Disneyland- the fact remained that you were stuck in the whitewashed, sanitized hospital around the clock, deteriorating with every day. Every morning you faked courage as the nurse pushed another needle into your arm, held back the vomiting until you couldn’t control your reflexes anymore, never pushed the red emergency button until you were absolutely sure you had difficulty breathing. They all bought it. Remission. There was hope.
Then one day, before two months had barely passed, you were suddenly moved into your familiar bedroom at home. You felt better about it all, but still, you got the impression something was wrong so you’d taken your chance and eavesdropped on the long conversation the doctors were having with your parents that same afternoon.
How long does she have to live? About a month, maybe less…We think it best for her to spend the rest of her days at home. She’ll like it more. It’ll…pass more comfortably.
You were suddenly reminded of how much you’d always hated doctors, but later, in the dead of night, you heard a strange sound outside your window. Putting on a coat, you snuck outside to investigate the source of the noise: a blue police box had materialized outside your window, along with a gangly young man with raggedy clothing…
“There you are,” the Time Lord wrapped one of his warm coats around your shoulders before pushing a steaming mug of tea into your hands. “So, you’ve already seen a few moons, planets, extinct alien races. Where would you like to go next?”
“Doctor?” You asked, working your face into a smile as he looked up from the console, smiling at you. “Can you take me home?”
“You mean- you don’t want to-“ His face fell, and your heart melted at how crestfallen he looked. You felt guilty at what you were doing, but it had to be done. Time was running out.
“No, no, I just wanted to show you something. I’ve got to tell you something interesting.” “Oh, all right.” The Doctor gave a relieved sigh, pulling a few levers. “That’s fine!” You’re 907 years old, Doctor. His conscience nagged invisibly as he mentally scolded himself again. 907 years of growing up and you still can’t go up and tell a girl you love her! The universe isn’t going to wait!
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“Looks just as we left it,” the Doctor smiled as he opened the TARDIS doors to see your backyard and the cement pathway that led to your house. “The night I first met you here. All the lights are off though, is that normal?”
“Didn’t know my parents went out that night. At least we won’t wake anyone,” You answered as the two of you entered the house through the unlocked back door.” The Doctor whistled in relief; he tended to make a racket sometimes when he landed in new places… “So what did you want to show me, Y/N?” Taking a deep breath, you led him through the hallway, then upstairs to the first door on the left: your old bedroom.
“Is this your room? How interesting…loving the blue paint…” You stood in the doorway, watching your best friend fondly as he looked around the place, remembering all the good times you had together. It was only a matter of seconds before he noticed the inevitable… “The bed…all those tubes and machines, it’s like a hospital bed. This room was cleared out long ago, and- what’s wrong? Why do you need these?”
“Doctor, I never told you all this but I wanted to run away from it so badly, and it just so happened that you appeared outside my bedroom window that night,” You said quietly, averting his gaze. “All this medication… I was diagnosed with cancer months ago. My parents, the doctors at the hospital, they tried their best but everything just changed. I didn’t have many days left. Every day sticking needles in my skin, being bedridden…I needed a change. I needed you.”
------FLASHBACK------
“What’s a police box?” The Doctor turned, startled as he caught you running your fingers along the exterior of the TARDIS while he tried to figure out why he’d landed here in the first place. “Where are you from?”
“I’m the Doctor. I’m from…somewhere else.” The tall, gangly man smiled as he looked at you, amused. He looked no more than a few years older than you, though you had a strange feeling he was older, somehow. Like he knew a lot about the world.
“I hate doctors,” You muttered. “And hospitals. Everything’s scary and they never tell you the truth. Even my parents don’t.”
“I’m not that kind of Doctor,” He smiled. Before he could do anything else though, you had already pushed the TARDIS doors open and entered the time machine. “Hey! What are you doing? You haven’t even told me your name! Where are we?”
“It’s bigger on the inside,” You marveled at the huge space this blue box seemed to have. Bigger than your house, even. “How did you do that? And we’re nowhere special, really. You’ll want to leave soon, you will…”
“That’s interesting,” the Doctor mused. “Usually the TARDIS doesn’t open for new companions, it only opens when it knows it’s me opening the doors…it must like you though. That’s rare, it rarely likes my companions.” Another quirky smile. You returned it, feeling more hopeful than you had in a while. That…machine? Box? How can it like me?
“Can…can I come with you?”
“Maybe if you tell me your name. Would you like to see a planet?”
“It’s Y/N, nothing that special…a planet!? Really? You can do that?”
“All of time and space, everything and anything. Everything that was and will be…where do you want to start, Y/N? Though people usually say Rome or Venice.”
“Nah, that’s boring! Just take me…anywhere you like. Away from here.”
“All right then! GERONIMOOOOOO!”
-----END FLASHBACK----
The Doctor had started fiddling with his suspenders, not knowing how to properly respond. He looked pained and frustrated, and you hung your head with guilt. “You’re…dying? But it’s been more than months we’ve been flying through the universe on the TARDIS, it’s been years, almost! You can’t be! You’re lying. I know you are. It’s another one of those jokes you’re playing on me.”
“Time can be changed, you know that. But this sickness…can’t. I think it slowed down when I travelled with you, going back and forth through time, but it’s caught up to me now. Diseases aren’t fooled by time distortions. I can feel it. I feel old and tired, and I shouldn’t be…” You glanced at your watch again. “The doctors said I had one month left.”
“How long do you have now?”
“It’s…it’s my last day.” The words came out softer than a whisper, as if you were afraid once you uttered them they’d become true. You were so afraid of everything, of time, of everything. The Doctor appeared to be coping better than you thought he would, though it was clear that internally, he looked lost. Betrayed. Frustrated. This had to be some sort of joke, right? “There’s nothing you can do, Doctor. I didn’t know how to tell you. I couldn’t. I love you too much.”
A flash of brown and white suddenly moved towards you, and you found yourself being enveloped by a bone-breaking hug. The Doctor had grabbed you in a tight, comforting embrace, making your knees feel like jelly and your heart beat so much faster. You couldn’t even tell which heartbeats were his and which was yours- a tangled mess. He’d always had a soft spot for you, but never like this. “Let’s go somewhere. Do something- anywhere, anything you want!”
“A-anything?”
“If this is to be our last day together, I want it to be special, unforgettable. You won’t forget me even in death. We’ll save another endangered race- no, we do that almost every week, that’s normal- or we could go see another moon, or-”
“Doctor, I could never forget you, but why are you doing this?” You asked as he dragged you downstairs, pushing you gently towards the TARDIS. It hummed softly in response, as if asking you to come inside. You smiled. “Because I care about you, you are my companion, and my friend, and I…you deserve it, is all. So come on. All of time and space, everything that was and will be…” He took both your hands in his, willing you to look in his eyes. You could tell he was nervous. Trying so very hard to say something that wouldn’t come out. “Come on, Y/N. There has to be something I can do for you.”
“Well…there is one thing,” You whispered, unable to break away from the Doctor’s loving gaze...
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It was quiet in the TARDIS, wherever it was now heading, and you smiled sadly as you felt the Doctor’s arms around you tighten, touching your forehead with his. It felt right in a cruel way, wanting to spend your last hour here, and the Doctor was unusually silent. He’d done a bit of magic with his sonic screwdriver so that the ceiling and walls were a hologram of realistic stars, and somehow you felt more at peace- he could be so romantic sometimes…
“Doctor, are you okay?”
“I don’t want to be alone.” It was obvious he was trying to hold back tears as he held you in his embrace. 907 years of traveling the universe had made him strong, and he’d known the feeling of loneliness so many times. You knew how that felt.
You tucked a stray hair behind his ears as you gently caressed his cheek. “You won’t be alone. You’ll find another companion, I know you will.”
“It won’t be the same without you.” He took your hand in his, trying to memorize the feeling of your touch as you returned his small smile. He made a silent vow never to forget. Not even if the TARDIS exploded and the universe itself was unraveled and destroyed.
“Just keep me in here, will you?” You moved your hand to his chest, placing it over his heart. His heartbeats were panicked and unsteady. You knew a thousand apologies would never heal the damage you were doing him. “I’ll always remember you. In my heart.”
“Always…”
“Doctor, I’m so sorry,” You said softly, voice cracking. “I…you mean so much to me, and I can’t thank you enough for making my life…” You took a heavy, labored breath. It was starting. “…worth all the pain I went through. You made me alive again. And I’m happy knowing that such a great companion exists in this universe.”
“Y/N…”
“I love you. Everything…” You were at a loss for words now that you needed them most. “All of you. I’ll wait for you on the other side.”
The Doctor swept you into a fierce hug again. You could feel his body shaking as he tried in vain to hold back his emotions. You could feel the stream of tears flowing into your hair as you rested your head upon his chest, clutching at his shirt. Your favorite one. “Y/N, you are an amazing companion and I’ll always remember the day I took you with me. Beautiful, fun, bright…” He kissed you once with each word, on your forehead, on your cheeks, on your lips…
“…selfless, compassionate, wonderfully different Y/N. You light up my life more than the galaxy itself, which is saying a lot. I don’t…I don’t know where to begin. I’m starting to talk to myself again, poor ears, but you make me so much more human and you’ve made me appreciate the present, which is something every Time Lord should learn to do. You’re one of my best friends, and if I could keep you from leaving…”
“I’m scared to go.” You felt your chest rise and fall. Just breathe.
“I don’t want you to go.” “At least I get to spend the rest of my life with you…” You placed a soft kiss on your Doctor’s lips, and again he gazed at you. Your first kiss. All you had to do was breathe now. Rise and fall. Rise and fall. He closed his eyes, terrified at the thought of dying. It wasn’t as if he had never seen death before, it was just that, he’d narrowly missed it so many times before-
“Y/N, I am so sorry I couldn’t save you. I tried, I really did, but I’m just a Time Lord, I’m a rubbish healer, I can’t and I…”
“There’s nothing to apologize for, my love. You’re still the best thing that has…ever happened to me.” The last thing you would see before you died would be him. Your Doctor, your Time Lord.
“Y/N…please…”
“Raggedy man…” Rise and fall.
Rise and fall.
Fall.
Fall.
“Ever since you came onto the TARDIS you’ve had this effect on me. I don’t know how to explain it but I adore you, and I love…I…”
Suddenly, the Doctor was aware of the lonely silence that fell across the whole of the TARDIS. He finally let the racking sobs overcome his body as he rocked the now lifeless body of his companion in his arms as if putting a child to sleep. Sleep. Now there was an idea…If only he could sleep too, then he could be with you, and then he wouldn’t be alone in the universe anymore. If only.
“I love you. Why couldn’t I say this to you before? I love you so much. I adore you. I love you. So don’t go. No, I’ll be with you soon, I promise. I promised you I’d never leave you, and I’m going to keep that promise. I’m going, all right? To the other side, can’t I? Just this once?”
The silence was deafening. Like the weight of the whole universe upon one man’s shoulders. Two hearts that had to work extra hard to hold it up. But no more. “Just this once, Y/N. Trust me, I’m the Doctor. I never break my promises. I always come back.” The Doctor ran to the control room and pulled a few levers, running his fingers along his TARDIS just like he did every time. One last trip across the galaxy. “Sorry, sexy, but my companion needs me. It’s not really where I want to go, but well…I’m needed, and we always go where we’re needed.”
Raggedy man…
Goodnight.
The brightest light blasted through the windows of the time machine, exploding it and setting it into fiery hot oblivion.
Everything went white.
I’ll see you soon.