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“Go to Diyu!”
After years of living together, Wei Wuxian could read the message in between Jiang Cheng's porcupine-like prickly words. He pushes his brother away and yells at him but he simply laughs it off and reads the affectionate message hidden between embarrassed and furious sputters.
“You son of a servant! You have no right to speak my sister's name!”
Jiang Cheng has never been good at being honest, not like his sister or his brother are - or were.
“Don't ever show your face to me!”
That day of the Siege, Jiang Cheng was mad. When he’s mad, his words are more barbed than prickly. And it is worse because he knows Wei Wuxian. He has grown up and watched his brother's every movement with the focus of one who looks up to their brother. He knows him far too well. He knows just what to say to hurt him.
“Die.”
Wei Wuxian is the voice of contrary in his everyday life. Growing up, Wei Wuxian challenges Jiang Cheng in all aspects. He question his decisions. Sometimes, he doesn't listen to his words. He reads the message in between his words and listens to that instead.
Jiang Cheng remembered the churning of his thoughts. He asked no one, how long its been since he's lost his brother to the Wen-dogs. A year? Two? It feels far too long.
Maybe the distance broke their bond. Maybe he found another brother in the Wen-dog.
He doesn't know why it was but when Wei Wuxian faced him that night, his eyes stared at him but he didn't see Jiang Cheng. He could hear him speak but he could not heart the real message hidden by the hateful words thrown.
“As you wish,” that was Wei Wuxian's - that was his big brother's last words.
---
It has been years since he has uttered those words. Years since he pushed his brother to his death. Years since he killed his brother.
Jin Ling is far from the crying infant his sister left behind. He is now old enough to want to go to night hunts on his own but not old enough to be allowed to go. He is old enough to not want Jiang Cheng's help for the basics like dressing but not old enough to be embarrassed to ask to sleep with him on nights he has nightmares.
The years go by too fast yet it feels just yesterday when he held an orphaned in his arms. It felt like it was just yesterday when he lost his sister and brother.
“Uncle,” the child who is growing far too quickly comes to sit by his bed.
Jiang Cheng grunts, “What are you doing here? You shouldn't be here.”
“I made Ayi take me,” he pouts just like a-jie would and his heart hurts. “They said you're sick so you can't supervise my training.”
“I only need a day of rest,” he said. “Go now, leave.”
“No!” That stubborn look is a mix of his a-jie and Jin Zixuan. Jiang Cheng blames his fever for the nostalgia that drowns him. “I'll sit here with Jiujiu like you do when I'm sick.” Remembering how he would put wet cloth on his forehead, Jin Ling wets a piece of cloth and putting the dripping wet cloth on his forehead.
Jiang Cheng growls, “Return to your studies and do not use my sickness as an excuse.”
“No, Jiujiu-”
“Leave now, lest you also get sick.” He grumbles, hand reaching for the dripping cloth.
The servant is quicker and takes it from him. She wrings it and return the cloth to its place. He grunts in acknowledgement and tells her, “Take Jin Ling from here. I am sick. If he catches my illness, I will not be happy with you.”
“Young Master Jin, come now, I have let you see Sect Leader Jiang. Let us now return to the library,” the servant says.
“But-” Jin Ling looks back at him.
Jiang Cheng watches his nephew be taken out of the room. His body feels heavy once again.
He closes his eyes.
---
“My, oh my, Shidi mine,” he hears Wei Wuxian's voice from above him.
Jiang Cheng opens his eyes and he knows he is dreaming. He has seen this same format of dream in his sleep numerous times through the years. He sees his brother above him.
Wei Wuxian looks like when he dies. Different but the same. He is older, though. He has no laughter lines because Jiang Cheng has forgotten what the sound of his brother's laughter is like. He wears that damnable Yiling Laozu clothing of black and red but on his waist remains the YunmengJiang Sect bell. His hair is long and tied in the half-up he wears on his last days. Still, what remains the same is the smile he remembers his brother always sporting.
This Wei Wuxian is happy to see him and that is how Jiang Cheng knows he is dreaming.
It would seem the ghost who visits his dreams tonight will be his brother.
“Oh, A-Cheng, won't you take care of yourself. You are upsetting A-Ling, you know.” Wei Wuxian teases him.
“I am the one who is sick,” he says, “and yet I am still the bad guy. Humph.”
Wei Wuxian's fingers comb through his hair, “Of course you are not. But you should look after yourself better.”
“I am doing just fine.”
“Shijie and I aren't with you now,” Wei Wuxian slips to lay beside him. He pulls Jiang Cheng close to him. “You need to take care of yourself better.”
“Shut up.” Jiang Cheng stiffens, “Don't speak of that.”
“A-Cheng, it's been years. It's about time you stop tabooing our death.”
“I don't want to hear it.”
“Okay.” And then they were silent again.
Jiang Cheng breaks the silence, “I hate you. Why must you continue to torment me even in my dreams?”
“I do not,” he replies. “This is all on you. Jiang Cheng, would hating me keep my memory alive? If you forgive this man, will you learn to forget him as well? You are only punishing yourself at this point, carrying such heavy burdens for a dead man.”
“Shut up,” he growls, “If this is my dream then I do not want to hear that.”
“Then, grant me my request and I will not speak anymore,” he said.
“What is it?”
Wei Wuxian rises and he stares at him, “I have only one request from you, Shidi. It is from me but I am certain shijie would say the same. Will you grant it?”
“What is it?” Jiang Cheng plays with his brother's hair. He misses him. He misses a-jie. He wants to be with them.
“Live.”
A beat.
“What?”
Wei Wuxian meets his eyes, “Please live, A-Cheng. Life is difficult. Your only reason may simply be the Sect and A-Ling but I ask of you now, please live. For your sake. For the sake of the fallen. Please see tomorrow's sunrise for shijie and I.”
“Why would you ask me that?” Jiang Cheng frowns.
“You would not grant it?” Wei Wuxian stands, lips downturned in a frown.
Jiang Cheng does not reply.
“A-Cheng,” Wei Wuxian's voice is the big brother voice he only uses when Jiang Cheng is being unreasonable. His voice grows loud. “Shidi, Didi, my wonderful little brother,” a breath and, “I did what you requested me yet you would not do the same for me?”
“What are you talking about now?” He asks.
Wei Wuxian stands tall and Jiang Cheng sits to face him, “You tell me to die and I do it. I ask you to live and yet you would not do it for me. Your brother is unhappy with you. I died because you ask me to, remember. You told me to die. Why won't you live when I tell you to live?”
His words thunders. His face cracks like a fierce corpse. His clothes becomes torn. He is bleeding all of a sudden. This, he screams, is how he remembered the other man in his death.
Fear course through him. He doesn't want to see this. He doesn't want to face him like this. He cries out, “Stop! Go away!”
“As you wish,” Wei Wuxian vanishes.
The room fades into nothing. He feels himself fall and all he can hear is ‘You told me to die and I did it. I died. Because you told me to.’
He cries out, “No! No! I never meant that! You know that! I say things I don't mean when I am mad! I don't want you to die. Come back! Wei Wuxian! Brother, come back!”
---
Jiang Cheng is sobbing. His eyes are scrunched clothes and his arms raised as if reaching for something. All he feels is the cold.
Then, a warm body wrap itself to his middle and Jiang Cheng flinches awake. He is gasping and clawing his throat. The small body tightens its hold.
“Jiujiu!” Jin Ling's own cries breaks the haze of confusion colouring the Sect Leader's eyes. He looks down to see his nephew's head as he bodily cling to him. He, it seems, is also sobbing.
“A-Ling,” he croaks, “tell me who hurt you and I'll break their legs.”
Jin Ling clings tighter to him. He has a hard time breathing but he doesn't voice it out, simply reaches a hand to pat his nephew's back and calm him down.
“You were screaming,” Jin Ling finally speaks, “and you wouldn't wake up. I got scared.”
“You shouldn't be here,” Jiang Cheng evades the topic.
Jin Ling sniffles, “I had a nightmare. I wanted to sleep with Jiujiu but then I heard you screaming. None of the servants were coming to help. You should break their legs instead.”
Jiang Cheng sighs. He still feels the warmth of fever coursing his body but the rest certainly helped with his fatigue. It was his brother's visit in his sleep that is the problem now.
Forget it, he tells himself. He folds and holds his nephew close to him.
“Never mind that. What was your nightmare?” He asked.
The child shook his head and burrowed his face on his torso, “I forgot. What about Jiujiu? What did you dream about?”
“It was nothing,” he replied. “Close your eyes. I will let you sleep with me, but only for the night.”
“Okay,” the two of them knew it was lie. Jiang Cheng's doors will never be close for his nephew.
He closed his eyes and tried to erase the image of Wei Wuxian as a fierce corpse saying “as you wish”. He tried to erase the memory of his brother's last words.
He will never be free from the ghost of his brother. He wonders if he ever wants to be.