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If there was anything Natasha Romanoff had hoped for in her life, she’d never thought that this would be how it would turn out. She watched as her husband played with their son and wondered, not for the first time, if this was all some cruel joke the universe was playing on her; that one day, she might wake up and realise this had all been nothing but a dream. When she’d given up her life back on Vormir, she would have liked to say that there had been no hesitation on her part. Clint deserved to return to his family, to Laura and to the kids. They couldn’t grow up without their father, and she was sure as hell Barton was the best damn father out there to them.
She’d grown up without her own parents and she knew how it felt. She didn’t want Lila and Cooper and little Nathaniel to ever experience losing their dad, not like this. But, it wasn’t true. There had been hesitation because she knew she would be leaving things behind as well. She knew she’d never be able to see another sunrise, to watch the kids grow up, to see the Avengers she had been training become a real team together. But, most of all, she realised that she would never see Steve again.
It took her a little while to come to terms with it; was her own selfish desire really enough to let go of their one shot at restoring the world that Thanos has desecrated? She thought about what Steve would do and then she realised that this was always how it was going to end. She was finally being given the chance to clear the red in her ledger and she knew that this was what she needed to do. She wasn’t giving up her life because it was expected of her as the Black Widow; she was doing it because this was what Natasha Romanoff would’ve wanted. She had always told Steve that he was more than the mantel he carried and somewhere along the way, she had begun to realise that as well. Being with Steve over the last seven years had really given her a new perspective on life; things weren’t always as bad as they seemed. As she made the selfish decision to tell Barton to let her go, she knew that Steve would forgive her because she knew that he would’ve done the same thing.
Somehow, things did work out in the end and it had been years, and she still woke up every morning, next to Steve and realised that maybe, just maybe, this was all real and it was hers.
“Mama!” James squealed, crawling his way through the sand to where she sat. She held her arms out, her dark capris instantly covered in the fine, white sand as James made his way into her arms, “What is it, solnyshko?”
Solnyshko, her little sun. They’d always referred to him as their own little miracle, a baby who should’ve never made it past the war, and yet, here they were. She tickled him gently, earning her a loud giggle and a lot of squirming. James had been named after his Uncle Bucky who now lived in Wakanda and served under T’Challa. Bucky had said that this was how he was going to move on from being the Winter Soldier. They were all scarred and broken in many ways, but the only thing they could do was learn to take one step at a time. She was happy for him. Sometimes, they’d visit him in Wakanda and other times, they’d open the door to see Bucky standing there. She knew that Steve was glad to know Bucky would be okay; that he was learning to live again.
James let out a yawn as she brushed his baby blonde hair away from his eyes, he looked exactly like his father; perhaps except for the green eyes, he had gotten that from her after all. Their little miracle was a perfect mix of both of them and she couldn’t have been more proud of what they’d somehow managed to create. Steve made his way towards them, seating himself right next to her on the blanket they’d brought. She didn’t think she’d ever be able to see the sunset again, the brilliant golds and vibrant hues of orange and pink that painted the sky every evening. It was something that she’d perhaps taken for granted all these years.
“What are you thinking about?” Steve asked, taking her hand in his and squeezing it gently. “Did you ever think that we’d end up here? Like this? With each other?”
“I’ll be honest-”
She laughed, kissing James on the top of his head, “You’re always honest, remember?”
“Right,” he chuckled, “Wouldn’t do for Steve Rogers to be a liar.”
One day, it was like a flip of a switch. He'd stopped attributing all his best traits to being Captain America and it was then that she knew that he’d learned to let go. She loved him simply for being Steve, it had never been about the mantel that he carried. Captain America wasn’t the one who painted the most beautiful portraits she’d ever seen, he wasn’t the one who gave her the family she’d always dreamed of. That was all Steve.
“I can’t say that I ever thought that we’d get here. It was one thing after the next. Ultron, the falling out with Tony, the battle with Thanos; and then, I lost you-”
“Hey, I’m right here, aren’t I?” She replied, gently squeezed his hand in reassurance, “It’s all in the past now.”
He shook his head and they turned to look at James, who’d already begun to fall asleep in the warmth of his mother’s arms as they listened to the gentle lull of the ocean lapping against the shore. The sun had begun to dip deeper into the horizon by now, the last of the sun’s rays cast over them in the quiet of the moment.
“And then you came back. I don’t know what I did to deserve this,” he said, fingers toying with the wedding band sitting on her finger, “But, you know, I’d give anything to never lose this with you. Moments like this, with you and James, I’ve never been happier.”
She smiled, knowing he meant every word he said, “Me neither.”
“I thought that the man who wanted stability, a family, the house with the white picket fence; I thought that he’d gone down in the ice all those years ago but I guess I was wrong. Maybe, I just had to find someone with the shared life experience.”
Natasha smiled, leaning over to kiss him, careful not to wake James, “We did have our moments.”
“We did, and I’m so grateful to have had them with you.”
They sat there in the silence of the moment, enjoying it for a little while longer before deciding it was time to go.
“Yo lovebirds, its chow time!”
She turned around to see Tony waving at them from across the beach. “Alright, we’re coming,” Steve chuckled as he carefully got ahold of James, who didn’t even stir in the slightest. He clung onto Steve as a koala would to its favourite tree and she couldn’t help but feel the love swell in her heart. He was so small in contrast to Steve’s much larger frame and the sight made her feel so content with the way things were now. They were really doing this; being a family.
Quietly, she rolled up the blanket and dusted the sand off her pants before they made their way towards the house, hand in hand. They got back to the beach house to see everyone gathered around the dining area. Pepper and Laura were in the kitchen, prepping the rest of dinner while the kids helped to set the table. Although she had to admit, Lila and Cooper were no longer kids. Lila was almost a teenager now. Even Nathaniel was starting to get bigger. Morgan, on the other hand, seemed content to simply direct everyone else around their respective jobs. She was getting more and more like her father every day and Natasha couldn’t help but wonder how all these kids were going to turn out one day.
“Looks like you three had fun,” Clint commented, turning away from the board game that he, Thor and Bruce had been messing around with.
“You’re back! Wonderful. Now that you’ve returned from your evening stroll, we may feast,” Thor’s booming voice was always comforting to hear and she nodded, “We did, and yes, feasting sounds like a great idea.”
Pepper had suggested they all get together for the weekend before the kids went back to school and it seemed like everyone was enjoying their little getaway. With the steady crackle of the fire in the background and the quiet chatter among everyone, she felt like she was home again; all those years ago, back when they’d all just ended up crashing in Stark Tower after a long mission and ordering takeout while deciding who would ultimately be cleaning up after. She couldn’t help but smile at the memory and Steve elbowed her gently, “What’s so funny?”
“It’s nothing. I’m just realising that some things never change. Here, let me put James to bed-”
“No, you stay, I’ll do it. I’ll be right back,” he said, giving her a kiss on the cheek before leaving to tuck James into his crib in their room. She felt her phone vibrate and pulled it out to see a text from HQ.
Sam, Wanda and Rhodey left for a mission. Thought you would want to know.
After everything, it was still her and Steve in charge of the new Avengers after all. She had toyed with the idea of retirement after everything with Thanos, with the white picket fences away from the city; but the thought of leaving everyone else behind just didn’t seem right. So, they both stayed because you didn’t leave family behind. She knew Wanda still missed Vision, and being out on the job seemed to do her some good, so Natasha allowed it. Wanda was like a daughter to her after all. There was nothing Natasha wanted more than for her to be happy.
She knew it stung like a bitch, the fact that Wanda had to take Vision out with her own two hands. She knew his death was on her so she had simply held Wanda and let her cry her heart out after everything was said and done. They’d be okay. They always were.
Long after the dishes had been cleared and the kids put to bed with kisses and snuggles and bedtime stories of princesses and dragons, she found herself still awake. Pulling the sweater tighter around herself as she sat on the steps outside, she watched as the trees swayed gently in the evening breeze. It was nice, having a moment to herself sometimes; the world was crazy enough as it was after all. She thought about all the things they would do tomorrow, which no doubt involved some of Tony’s crazy shenanigans, kite flying and laughing with everyone like everything was right in the world. It may not have been the life she had envisioned for herself all those years ago when Clint had pulled her out of the KGB, but it was the life she had been given, and she was damn well about to make the best out of it. The battles they had fought, the things they had lost, maybe, it had been all for this. And as she headed back to the room much later that evening, at close to two in the morning, the light was still on and Steve was sat in the armchair in the corner of the room, reading a tattered paperback. He looked up as she came in and offered her a smile, but he didn’t question where she’d been. She supposed it was because he already knew. As they turned in for the night and she was sure that Steve was fast asleep, she kissed him on the forehead and whispered, “Thank you for bringing me home, I love you.”