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Gods, he was aching. Pain all over his body. His veins felt like they were on fire, his forehead was covered in sweat, and every step was agony in a very physical form. Every footfall felt like a war lost. His eyes were half-closed, but he could still make out the shape of Sae Niijima’s face hauling him out of the police station and across the street, the stone-faced expression surveying the street with a keen determination. He jolted forward and winced as his foot dropped further than he expected it to, having just stepped over the curb.
I’d prefer to be hit by a car than have this pain.
But that wasn’t true, now, was it? In truth, he’d prefer to be in his lover’s arms. Prior to letting himself fall into police custody, while Makoto was apparently surrendering her sleep for planning and re-planning, Ren made machinations of his own to ensure her safety. Still, she must be so worried about him. He'd alleviate whatever fears his girlfriend had tomorrow, provided that she and the other thieves had escaped Sae's casino, and Ryuji had carried out what Ren had asked of him. But for now, the safety and assurance provided by her sister was enough, and indeed, all that he supposed he'd get for the meantime.
“Come on, stay awake.” She said, shaking the young man’s shoulder to keep him focused. “A little further, now.”
“Mhm.” Was all Ren could muster. If he had the strength, he'd have made the effort to at least open his mouth in response. His lips simply refused to part.
Finally, the two reached the passenger side of the prosecutor’s car. Sae opened the door, and ushered an exhausted Amamiya into the seat. “Seat belt, please.”
Ren complied, shoving his shaking arm in the general direction of the seat belt. Finding it quicker than he anticipated, he closed his grip, and brought it around to his waist on the other side of his body. Clicking it in, he finally found the strength to relax. For a moment, he went limp, uncaring of anything else. This seat, this car, it meant safety for him.
He heard the door open behind him, and he panicked for a moment. He didn’t remember the plan involving a third person. A light, soft mass was delivered into his lap, followed by Niijima’s voice from behind him.
“Put this on. We need to hide your face. And swap that blazer for it, it’s a dead giveaway.”
Shit, right, he was still in his Shujin uniform. Ugh, it’d been nearly a day, it must stink. Still, he lazily shrugged off his blazer, and slid his head into the amorphous mass on his lap. It was a sweater. Hooded, too. Useful, he could properly hide his face now. There was something about it, something welcoming, something familiar. The smell.
This sweater… it’s Makoto’s.
It took him a moment to recognize her scent, since he'd gotten used to the subdued peachy perfume Makoto had recently taken to wearing, but it was truly her natural scent. Ren pondered how long the sweater had been in the back of Sae's car. Ren allowed himself a smile. He was wishing for a deep embrace from his girlfriend, and in a way, he got his wish. Makoto was a size or two smaller than him, so the sweater hugged him tightly in her stead. Ren pulled the hood up over his head, and felt the fabric run through his hair. It was so perfectly pleasant.
The joyous internal image of Makoto's fingers combing through his thick, black locks was dispelled when his head bobbed forward, weighed down by exhaustion. Whatever the police had pumped into him was beginning to wear off, and so was his will to stay awake. Additionally, being surrounded by the scent of someone he’d spent so much time sleeping with, cuddling into, and embracing, he almost welcomed that peaceful rest. When he heard Sae start the car’s engine, he did.
He dreamed of Makoto, of course. Aside from wanting to see the rest of his team safe and sound, she was all he wanted right now. He just wanted to be in her arms, to hear her breathing softly beside him. The light chatter of LeBlanc’s customers beneath them. The chirping of birds above them, from the window. Thankfully, the dream indulged all of that, and more, when his mind's eye found himself in bed, laying next to her, their heads sharing the same pillow. He could have stayed like that forever. A bump in the road brought him back to harsh reality. True, it wasn’t as harsh as it could have been. Ren figured death at the hands of Akechi would have been much less than favorable, but it stung, all the same. He turned slightly, and pushed his eyes as far to the side as possible to be able to see his lover’s older sister.
“Th-thank… you.” He mumbled. He’d hoped to say it a little more firmly, but the pain he experienced currently prevented any stoic attitude to surface. Right now, he wasn’t Joker. He was Ren Amamiya; Just a boy. Still, 'a boy' had to thank his savior.
“You’re welcome. In return for this, when you’ve recovered, you can tell me all about what the fresh hell is going on.” She turned to face him. His blood ran cold under the sterner equivalent of those familiar red eyes. “Sound fair?”
“F-fair?” Ren forced a smile, and tried his hardest to muster a faint chuckle, albeit under his breath. “Of course. It’s…the fairest th-thing you’ve ever asked of us.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Ren groaned, hand shooting to his chest as his heart stopped for a moment. “Ow. I’ll tell you… later.” Even if the planned change of heart had happened by now, it was still too risky to tell Sae all about her shadow self. For the escape to work, Ren needed the woman in a proper mindset, and revealing all the horrible things she unconsciously made the thieves go through might ruin that.
Sae’s brow furrowed. Could it be she was worried about him? “Are you in pain?”
Weakness overcame Ren, and his voice betrayed that fact, forcing a shiver into his reply. “A little.”
“I might have some painkillers in the glovebox.”
He hummed, testing the fingers on his right hand. He then leaned forward just enough that he could reach the handle of the compartment, and pulled it open. He didn’t have time to rifle around, so he put his third eye to use, spying the small box of paracetamol instantly. Yanking it from the clutter, he closed the tray, and brought his other hand up to the box. He managed to wrest two tablets from the tab, swallowing them with little delay. He felt woozy, to say the least. Sae deserved to know his condition.
“I might fall… asleep.” He moaned.
“I’d prefer if you didn’t. I’m not carrying you from the car.”
He chuckled at the image of the older Niijima sister hauling him into LeBlanc over her shoulder. “Where are we headed?”
“LeBlanc.”
Ren forced himself to nod, it was all he could do. Before he knew it, he was back in Makoto’s grip.
He looked outside at the winter sky. Clouds everywhere, with small slices of blue breaking in through the grey. His girlfriend moaned lazily beside him before pulling herself further into his hold. They were both clothed warmly, winter coats and thick socks. It was a perfect day to just lie down and sleep. But something was missing. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it.
“I n-need…”
Makoto’s eyes opened, and met his own. They glistened like garnets in the morning light. “What’s wrong?” Those words. They undid him. Though, the voice was strange. Distorted, half-remembered.
“I need… m-my queen…”
“I’m here, Ren.”
Ren closed his eyes, and tightened his grip on her. “I know…”
The young man groaned mentally as another bump in the road ripped him from the pleasant scene his mind had painted. Gods, he wanted to cry. He was safe, he was going home. He would see her soon; he knew it. It wasn’t soon enough, though. He figured that if he couldn’t occupy himself consistently with dreams, then he could try to find something in the car to focus on. His gaze found Sae, eyes firmly fixed on the road. Though, she wasn’t looking at the road. Makoto did the same thing, too, a sort of ‘autopilot’. She was deep in thought. Makoto was prone to making mistakes while in that mindset, and he hoped that her sister wasn’t the same kind. ‘Car crash’ was not how Ren wanted to go out.
“You look like you’re doing some thinking.” He mumbled.
Niijima snapped from her trance-like state, flicking a brief look over towards the young man in the passenger seat. “Yes.” Was all she said, monotonously.
“May I pry?” Ren knew he was pushing his luck, but he'd come to somewhat understand how the Niijima's minds worked, and was genuinely interested. That, and it was a superb excuse to stay awake.
Silence for a moment. “The codenames you gave me. You mentioned one while you were drifting off. ‘Your’ queen.” She looked back over to Ren, who could feel his cheeks getting hotter by the second.
I… said that out loud?
Sae must have noticed his blush, because she spoke again. “Ah. It seems like someone in the Phantom Thieves was more than just a comrade.”
“W-we were… going to tell you eventually.”
They truly were. They had every intention, but… Medjed happened, and then the panic with Morgana, Okumura’s Palace, and before they knew it, it was Sae’s turn. And there was no way in hell they were telling a distorted Sae that Ren was dating her sister. Plus, Ren was always afraid of their relationship getting out, unsure of how the older sister would take the news. The prospect of going into witness protection frightened him.
“I don’t think I would have needed to know.” Sae said dismissively.
Wait, that means she doesn’t know it’s Makoto!
“Oh. Never mind, then.” Ren said, in a desperate attempt to defuse the situation before she second guessed him.
It came too late though, and he knew that when she said, “…Amamiya. You’re kidding.”
Surely, he could still salvage this. “You said it didn’t matter, so I don’t need to tell you, right?”
“Cut it out, Amamiya. I figured it out.”
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit…
Ren considered bracing for a slap. Getting ready to have his eardrums burst from Niijima’s shouting. His grip tightened on his seatbelt. He took a cursory and fearful glance over towards the elder Niijima sister, and saw her hands white-knuckling the steering wheel.
“I’m… sorry.” He blurted, now only focusing on saving his own skin.
“Don’t… speak, right now. It’s dangerous.”
“Right.” Ren brought his hands into the pockets of the sweater that belonged to the love of his life.
The act brought some comfort in what seemed like his final moments on this earth. Honestly, he’d made his peace with Makoto before they launched the plan to fool Akechi. Not even Oracle could have seen that the true threat was Sae Niijima.
Well, goodbye, cruel world.
Ren stopped praying once Sae threw some more words at him. “Makoto had been coming home late some nights. Was she with you?”
“Most of those times, yes.” He whispered.
“And?”
Amamiya’s eyes widened in a clear mixture of fear and confusion. “A-and?” Surely Sae wasn't implying...
“You know what I’m asking.”
He certainly did.
She’s asking if we made love. I mean, I can't just tell her!
“N-no! I mean, we never… I didn’t… Um.”
Ren could have sworn that the car started going a kilometer faster, and wished he wasn't so physically exhausted. Joker could have told that lie with a straight face, he thought, grumbling.
“You’re… a very poor liar, Amamiya.” The now terrifying older Niijima sister said through gritted teeth.
“I-if you hurt me, you’ll have to tell her that. Right?” The desperation in his voice was very prominent, but it was genuinely the least of his concerns.
Niijima sighed. “Right.”
It seemed, for the briefest of instants, that it worked. Ren knew that no matter who stood between them, Makoto would fight fiercely for them to be together. Sure, she’d blush, and whimper, and squeeze his hand whenever he did something as quaint as call her cute in public, but he was hers. That simple truth meant that she’d stare down anyone, even her own sister, to pull them back together.
“This is blackmail, you know.”
“Just ensuring my safety...”
“We have ten minutes left on this drive. More than enough time for you to convince me of two things. First, that your intentions with her aren’t harmful, and second, that you have her best interests at heart." Her voice might as well have been the same stone her face was made from currently. "Are you coherent enough to do that right now?” The question was a whip.
Ren sighed very deeply. “I hope so.” He knew he wouldn't have much of a problem getting his side of events out, and surely it'd be enough to convince Sae that his feeling for Makoto were the truest he'd ever felt, but now he had the added fear of falling asleep halfway through.
“Go ahead then.”
“Just like that, huh? Alright.” He took a deep breath.
And he told her everything. When they first met. When Makoto started following him. The Kaneshiro case. Her Persona. Eiko. What happened in Crossroads.
She laughed at that. He didn’t expect it, thought it was insane laughter, like she was about to drift the car and smash the passenger side into an oncoming vehicle. But… it was genuine. It seemed his line about being ‘study partners’ broke into a softer part of her.
“That… that is quite cheesy.” She said, wiping the tears from her eyes once the laughter subsided. “You’re telling me she fell for that?”
“Well, I think we already loved each other. The way we ‘pretended’ to hold hands felt pretty real. I think we just needed to say it to see what was happening. You can ask her when you get home, I guess.”
Niijima hummed. Ren let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Makoto would tell Sae the same things he had said. It would at least lend some credence to their love in Sae’s eyes.
“So. I think I’ve come to my conclusion.” She announced.
“Yes?” His hands were shaking in the sweater’s pockets, palms clammy. He couldn't tell if the sweat was from fear, or simply his physical weakness getting the better of him.
“The way you smiled when you put that sweater on. It’s true love, isn’t it?”
She… noticed that?
Ren nodded, breathing through his nose, deeply. “I-it… smells like her. I couldn’t hide it.”
“I’ll talk to Makoto tonight, and ask for her view of it all.” She chuckled quietly. “That’s the second time today you’ve convinced me of someth-“
That’s all Ren heard before he passed back into a relieved sleep. Again, luck smiled on him, and the scene was the same. Laying there in bed with his lover. Limbs tangled around each other, lips just an inch away from one another, beckoning, begging for contact.
“I’ll be home soon, Makoto.” He kissed her. Or, the thought of her. It wasn't as sweet as the real thing, but in the moment, it was enough for him. Whether the dream was a memory, or a wish for the future, Ren didn't know, nor did he care. He continued to not care, all the way to LeBlanc.
LeBlanc. The only smell that was more welcoming than the sweater's, at that point, were the rich fumes of coffee beans roasting, and the aromatic scent of the curry Ren was all too delighted to detect. Of course, Sae had prodded him awake in the passengers seat, and after abashedly wiping a sliver of drool from the corner of his mouth, he conjured the effort to slide himself from the car's seat, surrendering himself to the older Niijima sister's arms. She had carried him into the cafe under one of those arms, opening the door with a hand already cluttered by her car keys. As such, when Sae reached out with two fingers to pull the handle, Ren lent his own hand to help. The place was serving about four or five customers, and Ren watched both their eyes, and Sojiro's own, go wide as dinner plates. Sae sent a look towards the old man, and he gave her a reluctant nod in return.
"Alright everyone, finish your drinks, please. We're closing early for the day." He belted, slinging a teatowel over his shoulder whilst he strode to the front door to hold it open.
Most of the patrons exited promptly, bar for one elderly man who had stuffed himself into one of the further booth seats. As Ren passed him, being carried upstairs by Sae, he spied the cup of creamy liquid before the man, still very much flled to the brim, and still steaming.
"Just got my drink, Boss!"
Sojiro flipped the entry sign to closed, and smirked at the man kindly. "Next cup's free. I'll even whip up your own batch of curry, low spice, just how you like it."
The man was out of Ren's sight, but the scowl in his voice was still audible. "You're too witty for your own good. Open tomorrow?"
"That we are."
Sae managed to get Ren to his bed, and exhaled as she let the boy drop into a sitting position on the edge. "I have to get back to work, now. Will you be alright?" She crouched in front of the boy, wearing a firm frown.
Ren nodded, lazily gesturing in the general direction of the stairs. "Boss is here. I'll be fine."
"Good. Get some proper sleep." Sae stood back up to her full height, and began to march back towards the attic's exit.
She passed Sojiro on the way down the stairs, and they exchanged a few words. Ren couldn't hear what was spoken exactly, since he'd already let his heavy eyelids close, falling onto his side, mattress cushioning his rapid descent. No sooner had his head collided with the pillow than he heard Sojiro's bassy voice drift across the room.
"You look beat up, kid."
"I feel it, believe me." Ren giggled. Naturally, it hurt like hell.
"I'll get you some water. Walk you back to my place, you'll have a shower and hit the hay."
A shower sounded delightful, given the dirt, blood, and sweat that coated his skin, underneath his frankly foul smelling uniform. A nice, hot flow would bring some strength back into him too, and keep him awake long enough to give Makoto a call, see if she was okay. Ren had no doubts that she was fine, physically, except for maybe a few scrapes from their fight with Leviathan, but he was more worried about her mental state. If Ren had a deep urge to give in to tears, she wouldn't be faring much better. It was only reasonable that the boy hated the thought of Makoto being all alone, face probably soaked in saline, and it only hurt more that he wasn't there to comfort her. For a second, he regretted that Sae hadn't taken him back to their place. That thought soon burst with the added epiphany that the Niijima residence most likely wasn't safe for Ren.
Once Ren had undressed, and painstakingly adjusted the water temperature in the shower, he began to scrub himself clean. Dried blood clung to him, often taking a scratch from his nails to peel from his skin, and by the time his body was freshened, the water at his feet was a pale shade of pink as it made its way to the drain. He'd even found some wounds he didn't notice before, a cluster of harsh cuts along his spine, probably from when he'd fallen into the crowd of police back in Sae's palace, landing squarely on his back.
Despite all the mess and pain, the simple act of washing himself was pure bliss. Even the sting of shampoo in his eye was a welcome departure from the dull burn beneath his skin. Thankfully, even the ever-present ache across his entire body was nullified by the near-searing hot water that pelted him. Better yet, once he left the shower, and threw some loose-fitting lounge wear on, he found a steaming plate of curry laying on his bed. He didn't quite know how hungry he was until his eyes met that sight, the fluffy rice almost holding the reddish-brown sauce up as an offering. The plate didn't last long. Gone in a flash, as it were. As he scraped the last few portions from the dish, he spied the lanky, dark-furred form of Morgana stalking the far side of the room.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself." Ren replied with a gentle smile, full of relief and comfort.
"Wasn't... sure you were going to come back..." The small creature strode over to Ren, and leapt up onto the milk-crate bed, sitting on his hind legs next to the boy.
"I thought I asked Haru to come pick you up."
Morgana's little head bobbed. "She did. I insisted on staying here. It didn't feel right to let you come home to nobody."
The smallest of the thieves flinched as Ren leaned down and enveloped him in a hug, arms wrapping around and fingers scratching at Morgana's chin. The boy even let his face nestle into the fur on his back.
"J-Joker!"
Ren hushed him. "I'm glad you're here."
A moment of silence passed before Morgana nuzzled back into Ren, purring. "You too..." When Ren finally released the 'feline' from his embrace, the little one spoke again. "You really should get some sleep, though."
Ren garnered a small laugh. "And for once, I have to agree."
That's how Ren came to be laying on his back, staring up at the rising moon through his open windows, thick blankets pulled up to his chin. He could only pray that Makoto was as warm, as comfortable, as safe. He chose to assume she was.
It was the only way he could find sleep.