Work Text:
It’s been 3 years now since he met Arthur.
2 years since he realized that he fell in love with his best friend.
And he had only one week left before Arthur moved to the other side of the country to start his university life.
So they threw him a farewell party, Merlin and their friends which included Lance, Percival, and Gawain. Started by hanging out at their favorite fast food diner then moved to ‘Karaoke Palace’ which they visited after every final test.
Merlin glanced around the private karaoke room. It was dim lit by orange light, The air conditioning was a little bit too chilly, and the song was booming out from two giant speakers which hanging at both side of an enormous LED TV screen.
Arthur and Percival was singing their heart out on “My Heart Will Go On.” with Celine Dion stretching her arms on the monitor. Lance caught up in a call, from his girlfriend, outside the room. Gwaine was out at the loo for a while now and Merlin, who’s not so much a singing-in-the-party type, just sit and watch.
He could sing though. His mother, who accidentally overheard him singing in the shower, told him that he has the voice of an angel. Merlin half believed it because his mom was always say nice things to people around her anyway. So he only sing when he was alone, never in front of any soul in the world.
He sipped the alcohol drink in his hand and tried to remember all the happening moment, all the details, feeling, atmosphere because he knew that when this night passed, it would be no more. All the gang together, laughing, hanging out after the long day of studying. And the worst of all, no more Arthur’s smile an accidentally touching when they were sitting side by side like right now.
Merlin didn’t order the strong drink like his friends because he knew what he would do if too much alcohol run in his vain. He’s not going to risk his reputation and friendship by that.
After the song end, Percival slipped out to find Gwaine who’s disappeared for half an hour now. Arthur and Merlin was left alone.
“Care to try?” Arthur raised an eyebrow and offered Merlin his microphone.
Merlin shook his head. “I’ll pass.” He sipped his drink to hide his nervousness. Arthur nudged him and Merlin almost spilled his drink. Merlin growled and Arthur snorted at it.
“Don’t be such a girl, Merlin. I heard you sing at the camp, let me hear it again before I leave... please ” Arthur saying please was rare enough, Arthur saying please while making a puppy face was even rarer.
Merlin’s heart skipped a beat.
Arthur’s phone rang and he answered it confusingly.
“Percy? What’s wrong?”
Merlin exhaled. If Arthur made that face a second longer he would jumped to him without a second thought.
Maybe he should sing for him. As a farewell present. Couldn’t hurt right? Merlin thought.
Just one song...no he couldn’t do it. He might need something to get rid of his shyness.
Arthur end the call and turned to Merlin. “Gwaine and Percy left already. Gwaine was dipping his head in toilet” He looked down at the phone again as it made a ding sound. “There’s a picture too. Look- what are you doing?”
Arthur was about to show Merlin a picture of Gwaine snogging the toilet bowl but he saw Merlin was in the middle of bottoming up his drink
“Boosting up my confidence.”
He gestured Arthur to give him the microphone but suddenly changed to ‘stop’
“Wait.” He turned around to find another drink. One might not be enough…
There it is! Lance’s drink.
He knew that Lance didn’t like something strong either so it’s a perfect drink for him. He’ll order him another one when he got back. Now he needed it more.
He bottom up the drink too.
The drink was very bitter and it burned down his throat. The room was not so chilly anymore.
What kind of drink is this?
“Merlin, you idiot! What have you done?” Arthur cried and Merlin frowned.
“What? I‘ll order a new one for him. Its Lance right? He won’t mind.”
Arthur shook his head “No that’s not Lance! It’s the one that Percival order to prank Gwaine! The random drink challenge, remember?”
Merlin eyes widened. “Shit” What has he done...
“Just lied down, okay?” Arthur scoot away and let Merlin lied down comfortably on the sofa. Merlin lied down and use his right arm to cover his eyes.
He wished that the fate will be kind with him.
>>>>> • <<<<<
The fate was cruel.
Five minutes later, Merlin jerked upright and Arthur almost jumped out of his seat. Merlin look like he want to puke than he raised his hand up and mumbled that’s he’s fine. He turned his head to Arthur.
“Now...where’s my singin - hiccup - stick?”
“Your what?”
“Singin stick...the thing...you sing...it loud…”
“You mean the microphone?” Arthur picked up the microphone from the sofa. Merlin snapped it from his hand.
“Whoa...calm down fellas.”
“You wanna- wan- a song? I’ll sing you a song! A song for you...Ar-Arthur” Merlin blurted out and giggled at himself.
Merlin fumbled with the remote control for a bit, he cursed it in many languages and Arthur just sit back and watch him like he was some kind of comedy tv show. He managed to pick the song at last.
“Really, Merlin?”
Depressing Michael Bolton appeared on the screen. The melody of ‘How Am I Supposed to Live without You.’ echoing in the karaoke room. Arthur threw his head back and laughed out loud. By the time he got his head back up, Merlin was climbing to sit on his lap. The laugh stopped and all that was left on Arthur’s face was utter confusion. Merlin sitting on him sideway, his legs stretch along the sofa and one of his arms clung around the nape of Arthur’s neck.
“What on earth you think-” Arthur was cut short by Merlin’s long thin finger on his lips.
“Shushhh...I sing...you...listen.” Merlin demanded and Arthur shut his mouth immediately. Merlin drew his finger downward pass Arthur’s lower lip, his chin then back off. Arthur inhaled sharply. Merlin leaned on Arthur’s chest and rest his head on Arthur’s shoulder blade. He glanced at the monitor then started to sing.
Although Merlin sounded very drunk right now, his voice still soft and deep. It took Arthur’s breath away.
“Tell me how am I supposed to live without you?
Now that I've been loving you so long...”
“...How am I supposed to carry on? When all that I've been living for is gone...”
Merlin lifted his head up and stared into Arthur’s eyes, his eyes was half-shut. He rested his forehead on Arthur’s. The microphone was now dropped at his side. One of Merlin’s fingers caress Arthur’s jawline.
“...And how can I blame you. When I build my world around the hope that one day we'd be so much more than friends…” He lifted Arthur’s chin up. His lips brushing Arthur’s as he sing.
“...I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming. Oh, even now it's more than I can take”
Merlin leaned in and kissed him. More like placing his mouth on him actually because Arthur didn’t kiss him back. Anyway, Merlin couldn’t care less. The alcohol in his body told him not to stop. ‘No matter what, don’t let this chance go and stop doing this thing’ it said. The thing that he’s been waiting for years. The thing that he could only do in his dream.
But then his mouth slid to Arthur’s cheek, then his neck.
He passed out.
>>>>> • <<<<<
Merlin woke up in his bed. He looked down and found that he’s still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. His head felt like it’s twice its normal size and when he stood up, the house started to rotate. He needed to lean on his working desk for five minutes to still the house. He squeezed his eyes shut and memories flushed into his mind.
“Shit…” but the memories was hazy. Although the kissing part seemed real but it still could be a dream. He wished it was a dream.
>>>>> • <<<<<
It wasn’t a dream...
Merlin went downstairs and got hit by his angry mom
“Ouch! Mom!”
“Who taught you to be so careless? Drinking something that you didn’t know what it was? How lucky you are that you got a good friend?” Hunith eyebrows knotted on her forehead. She hit his back again and again. It’s not hard but when she did it rapidly, it didn’t feel so good.
“Ouch! Ouch! Mom! Listen to me first!” Hunith stopped hitting him but crossing her arms instead.
“I’m sorry. I just want to sing to Arthur but I was embarrassed so I thought the drink might help.” He swallowed. Guilt buildup in him. “But yeah, you’re right. I’m being careless. It won’t happen again, promise.” He gave her a smile that made a dimple on his cheek and sent her a puppy eyes. It worked every time.
Hunith exhaled. Her eyebrows loosen up. It’s a good sign for Merlin. “Don’t make that face at me.” She pointed towards the dining room with her thumb. “Breakfast on the table.”
“Love you.” He gave her a peck on her cheek and walked towards the kitchen.
As he was about to put the third sausages into his mouth he asked. “Mom, this is going to be a weird question but, how exactly did I get home last night?”
“Lance drove you home.” Merlin exhaled. It would be very awkward for Arthur to ever get near him again after he forced kissing him like that. “And Arthur brought you upstairs.” Merlin choked on his food immediately. He drank water while Hunith pat his back.
“Are you alright?”
“Yes, yes. Just eating too fast.”
“Oh, I almost forgot. Arthur asked me to tell you to call him when you are awake.”
“Okay…” he assured Hunith that he’ll call him right after the bath then disappeared upstairs.
He never call Arthur ever since that night.
Even the day Arthur flew to another town, he lied to his friend that he was sick.
>>>>> • <<<<<
Merlin have been avoiding Arthur for almost four months now. He didn’t pick up Arthur’s call. Mute his chat room and ignored all emails from him.
He was scared.
Maybe Arthur called to made fun of him or text him just to insult his act. There were too many horrible possibilities of how his teenage love life would end and he’s not ready for it.
So he decided to move on. Meet new friends. Find hobbies to do. Join too many societies at university just to keep his mind away from thinking about Arthur.
He had a new best friend, Freya. Though they’re not as close as him and Arthur but she’s a nice girl who understand him and he understand her. It’s only been one year of their friendship but he felt like he knew Freya for the rest of his life so he might really be able to move on.
He revealed many secrets to Freya and she cheer him to read those things Arthur sent him. To release the stress in his mind, she said, and to help him move on faster.
So, on that evening, Merlin sat down before his laptop, brought out his phone, took a deep breath, and then started to read Arthur’s messages.
The oldest texts was from the day after they kiss.
[10 Sep 18]
Are you alright?
Merlin?
Why did you not pick up my call?
[11 Sep 18]
Call back ASAP
[20 Oct 18]
MERLIN
He snorted at the message. He could hear Arthur’s voice in his head.
[26 Oct 18]
Pick up!
[25 Nov 18]
I’m not mad at you, just so you know.
[27 Nov 18]
Merlin, how much longer did you plan to ignore me?
[2 Dec 18]
I can’t believe I’m typing this
But
Argh...you’re not going to read it anyway
Merlin
I miss you.
Merlin covered his mouth. He was wrong all along. Not only Arthur didn’t make fun of him, he confessed that he had the same feeling as him. He banged his head on the table several times for how stupid he was.
He continued.
[20 Dec 18]
Beware
u dare ignoring me for four months...
I’m coming
to kick ur little ass!
And the text end there. Last one was date five days ago
What did Arthur mean by these texts? Is he coming back home?
He set it aside, turned on his laptop, and log in to his old account. There’s a bunch of unread emails in his inbox. Some were from social media he signed up to. Some were from Arthur.
Title: Hey
Date: 11th September 2018
You didn’t answer my call and didn’t read my text so I guess your phone was dead. We can still talk in here right?
Title: Are you there?
Date: 19th September 2018
I’m suspecting that your phone was fine but you just ignoring me…
Merlin, we really need to talk
CALL ME BACK!
Title: Dear Idiotic Merlin
Date: 27th October 2018
You’re driving me crazy, Merlin.
PICK UP YOUR GODDAMN PHONE!!!
Title: Are you a wizard?
Date: 12th November 2018
What the hell have you done to me? Is this some sort of charm?
Merlin frowned at this one. What the hell Arthur was talking about? He shook his hand then continued.
Title: Blank
Date: 5th December 2018
Call me crazy but now I’m gonna write an email confessing my feelings towards you. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I hope that one day you’ll see this (or not because it very embarrassing) but if it’s going to make things better between us so I’m in.
Okay, where should I start?
From the beginning then. Remember your first day at school? When I’m still a bully and you are a new kid in school. I was trying to impress my friends by pick on a weaker kid (pathetic, I know), you stepped in and stop me. A gangly, brave boy who have deep blue fucking gorgeous eyes. I guess that’s the start. Later on that day I couldn’t think about anything else apart from you. I have to admit that at the beginning of our friendship, there’s more than ten attempts of me trying to woo you but I’m not sure whether you are stupid or you didn’t interest because you ignored me all the time! So I stopped and admit that we can only be friend.
Things happened and instead we became best friend.
Being close to you but not be able to be more than friend was really a bittersweet pain. But I guess it’s better than losing you. I don’t know if you noticed it or not but almost every ‘unintentional’ touch was not actually unintended.
I don’t know what the kiss meant anything to you or not, did it meant that you like me too or you just very drunk and will launch into anyone that sit around you. I wanted to clear things up but you didn’t let me. I desperately want to fly back, climb into your bedroom window and shook the sense out of you right now. Just to get you talking to me again. I missed you so much and I couldn’t stop thinking about being there with you. (Was that made me sound desperate? Never mind, I don’t care anymore.)
Are you not really gonna give me a chance, Merlin?
The email end there. No more of it.
Merlin cried his eyes out.
His bedroom window made a cracking sound, he snapped his head back in hope that it would be Arthur climbing up to his bedroom.
But it was not.
Just his neighbors’ cats chasing each other on the tree near his window. Merlin exhaled and shut his laptop.
He went downstairs to find something to eat.
>>>>> • <<<<<
He found a note sticking on the refrigerator.
Merlin
I went to buy some milk, didn’t bring the key so don’t go anywhere.
Love, mom
Someone was knocking the front door. Merlin put down foods in his hand and walked straight to open it. He thought it must be Hunith so he opened it quickly without using the peep hole first. He processing many reasons in his head to explain his red-swollen eyes.
Overslept and had a pair of swollen eyes did not sound bad.
He flung the door open and blurted out. “Hey mom, I just woke up so my eyes-”
It’s not Hunith.
It’s Arthur.
Arthur took off his sunglasses, fold it and hung it on his shirt. His backpack dangle on his shoulder. Merlin didn’t realized how much he miss him until now.
Merlin stood still. His mouth opened and closed but no sound was coming out.
“What a weird way to greet your old friend huh?” Arthur smiled at him and Merlin melted inside. Arthur looked him up and down. “You look just the same.” Merlin glanced down at his own clothing. His favorite T-shirt and a pair of boxer...wait...a boxer? Suddenly he felt so naked.
Shit.
He covered himself.
“Come on, I’ve seen you in it like thousand times already.” Arthur rolled his eyes
“Arthur?” Merlin slurred out like he didn’t believe Arthur was actually here.
“Miss me?”
Merlin mind gone blank. “I- ah.”
“Can I get in? It’s freakin cold out here.”
Merlin nodded rapidly and stepped back to let Arthur in. Arthur walked in and hung his jacket while Merlin closed the door gently. At one moment he thought about ran out of the door and let his mom deal with Arthur instead. But that’s was very coward and after all he read, he wanted to talk to Arthur too.
Arthur threw his backpack on the floor and slammed down on the living room couch like he own the house. Well he couldn’t blame Arthur, when they were at high school Arthur came to Merlin house like it was his second home.
Merlin was brought out of his old days memories by Arthur’s voice. “Oh god, I’m so tired” Arthur lied down and closed his eyes. Splayed out his arms and legs.
“Why are you here?”
“That was very mean question, Merlin. And very stupid one but I’ll answer you...I came here to see you.”
The room went silent.
“I just read your text and email, like five minutes ago.” Merlin mumbled. Not sure if he should tell Arthur or not.
“So you’re not sleeping then.”
“Nope…”
“Did you cried because my messages?” Arthur opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.
“No...I just...something got into my eyes and it’s very itchy.”
“It sure is.” Arthur didn’t believe him. “Oh I almost forgot. Come here, Merlin. I got something for you.” Arthur reached to find something in his jeans pocket and Merlin walked near. When Merlin was within his reach, he got his empty hand out of his pocket then dragged Merlin to lie on him. Face to face. He locked Merlin waist with his strong arms. Merlin used his hands to push himself up a bit but couldn’t made it out of Arthur’s grip.
“What are you doing?”
Merlin heart beat fast like a scared bunny and he so afraid that Arthur might hear it.
“Let’s clear things up, Merlin.” Arthur held him tighter. “Let play one question each game.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Merlin asked while struggling in Arthur’s arms.
Arthur made a sound in his throat and held Merlin firmer. “I asked you one question and you have to answer me honestly then you got a chance to ask me one question and I’ll honestly answer you too.”
Sounds like a great deal. Merlin accepted his offer. “Fine…but can you let me go first?” Merlin tried to let loose again but GOD! Did Arthur go to gym four months straight or something? His attempt didn’t made Arthur move even a bit.
“No, I can’t.” Merlin opened his mouth to start negotiating but Arthur didn’t let him. He cut in sharp. “’ll go first, did you read all the messages I sent? Both phone and email.” Merlin blinked.
“Merlin.” That damn tone...he couldn’t resist it
“Okay, fine. Yes, I read all of them.”
“And how you feel-” Merlin cut in. “A-Ah, my turn.”
Arthur smiled. “Caught up fast, aren’t you?”
Merlin grinned. He didn’t know what made him ask this thing out but he really want to know so… “Do you really miss me?”
Arthur looked surprised but he respond quickly. “Yes.” Arthur looked into Merlin’s eyes fondly. “I miss you every day.” Merlin heart beat faster again and he thought that Arthur might have felt it this time because his smile spread wider.
Merlin hit him and blushed. “Clotpole.”
“I miss that too, no one ever call me like you do.” He inhaled and continued the game. “At the karaoke, are you drunk or you really want to kiss me?”
Merlin bit his lips “I was wasted that night…” Arthur face went pale. Merlin smiled. “But I really wanted to kiss you though, at that time. No, all the time, actually.” Arthur exhaled in relief. He used one of his hand to bend Merlin’s head down and nip Merlin’s nose with his teeth. Merlin yelped and Arthur let go while laughing. “My heart almost stopped for a moment, you know.”
Merlin join his laughed.
“What happened after I kissed you that day?”
“You passed out before I could kiss you back and left me to find an explanation for confusing Lance who blurted in a second later.”
“You could just said I was drunk.” Merlin said casually.
“Yes, I could but instead…”
“What did you told him?”
“I told him that we’re secretly dating.”
“YOU WHAT?”
“It’s the first thing that came up on my mind. And it doesn’t seem to cause a problem so…”
“It does, you dollophead! How come you told our friends that we’re dating without even consulting with me first?”
“You were passing out!” Arthur defense himself and Merlin pinched his nose by one of his hand until Arthur surrendered. “Alright, Alright. I’m sorry then...Okay now my turn. Would you be my boyfriend, Merlin?”
The question shocked Merlin.
“Wha- what did you just say?” Merlin blinked rapidly. Didn’t believe what he just heard.
“I said, Merlin, my idiot friend, would you do an honor and become my boyfriend.” Merlin gasped and Arthur blurted out. “Don’t you dare say no! I’m not allowing you to say no!”
Merlin chuckled. “You’re gonna be a possessive kind of boyfriend aren’t you?”
“I’ll take that as a yes. Is it a yes?”
“Yes, you asshole, I’ll be the most annoying boyfriend you ever have.”
Arthur pulled him down for a kiss. Arthur’s mouth was as soft as the first time Merlin remembered kissing him. And sweet just the same. Only thing that difference now was that this time Arthur kissed him back. Merlin pulled away a minute later. He still had a question to ask. Arthur hesitated a bit but let Merlin do as he wish.
“Okay...umm…oh, yeah. I wanna know. What did you mean in your email? The one with the title about wizard or something.”
Arthur snorted. “Oh that one. Ignored it. That’s nothing actually.” He shifted his gaze away. “Okay, so we’re clear. Do you have anything to eat? I’m starving.” He pushed Merlin off but Merlin used all his weight to prevent him to do it.
“No, Arthur. Answer me first. What’s about it?”
“Ahem...alright…” Arthur blushed. “I was talking about your drunken kiss...I couldn’t stop thinking about it.” Arthur mumbled but Merlin was close enough to hear it all. His cheek flamed up and before he could respond, a clicking sound drew their attention to the front door. Hunith came out of the back of the door, look at them a bit then gave them a gentle smile.
“Hello, Arthur. Haven’t seen you for a while.” And she continued walking into the kitchen with shopping bags like she did not just saw her son snogging his friend in the middle of her living room.
Arthur looked at Merlin and raised an eyebrow. Merlin shook his head in response. They got up.
“Mom?” Merlin raised his voice to talk to Hunith in the kitchen.
“Yes, honey?”
“You’re not feeling weird?”
“About what?”
“Me and Arthur…”
“Oh, should I? I suspect that you and Arthur did it all the time...I just never caught it on sight but...it’s not unexpected for me.”
“What?” Merlin was confused and Arthur choking on his saliva. Merlin have to give him a gentle stroke on his back.
She walked out of the kitchen. “You know, when you and your friends are doing projects or just hanging out. You and Arthur always swapped a sight, like if I turned my back, you will jump right in to each other, or something of that kind.”
“No, we’re not!” Merlin sputtered.
“Especially you, Merlin. Especially you.” Merlin face was colored up with embarrassment. Arthur grinned at him so he punched him in the arm.
“You guys are so cute…” Hunith inhaled and stood up. “Anyway, you came on the right time, Arthur. I’m making dinner and you should stay. A-Ah no denying.”
Arthur nodded humbly. Hunith gave him a warm smile then left to the kitchen.
“So...you gave me a dirty look? Since when exactly?” Arthur turned to ask Merlin teasingly.
Merlin hissed and slapped his back.
“You did it too.”
“But it’s especially you, remember?” He made and innocent face and Merlin growled at him.
“Shut up!”
Arthur bent in. Merlin scooted away.
“What are you doing?”
“Kiss you, obviouly.”
“My mom’s here!”
“She won’t mind…” Arthur turned to the kitchen “...you don’t mind if I kiss your son right?” Merlin gave him a set of punches and he had to grab Merlin’s wrists to stop him.
Hunith giggled came from the kitchen. “Go ahead, Arthur.”
“Mom!”
“See? She’s fine with it” “Come here.”
Arthur leaned in while Merlin pulled back till his back hit the armrest. Arthur put both hands at both side of him. Locked him in.
“No more running, Merlin.”
And he kissed Merlin like he was the most precious thing in his world. Merlin put his arms around Arthur’s neck and kissed him back, as affectionate as Arthur did.
-Fin-